I'm glad to see that this fic keeps getting more and more views. I always get excited to see that people are enjoying my work. You may have noticed I changed the rating...I wasn't sure if it was more of a T fic or an M fic, becuase I know I include some heavy subjects. I don't think it's anything the average teen can't handle, based on popular YA lit, so I put a trigger warning at the beginning. Anyway, I know you probably don't care. Just thinking aloud. Also, another trigger warning here: this chapter contains mention of drug use.

As always, don't be afraid to leave a review! I love hearing from people about my writing, even on a silly fanfiction. Enjoy!

chapter five - first bite

"Who are you?! You look absolutely fabulous!"

Coming from David Sinclair, one of the biggest club personalities in New York, I was flattered. I mean, who was I? I was some fifteen year old who'd made her way into the Limelight one night wearing a fishnet and glitter dress. Somehow, I'd managed to catch his attention and become one of the members of his inner circle.

I met him nearly a year ago, right after my fifteenth birthday. Now I was about a month away from turning sixteen, and had climbed my way up the bizarre social ladder that existed only in the clubs.

I was happy about this at first. I felt, for the first time in my life that I'd found somewhere I belonged. I sure as hell didn't belong at my house with my parents. I didn't really belong at school either. I was too weird for the elite private schools of the city. Everything from my gawky posture to my sailor's mouth, my penchant for piercings to my inability to shut up, was wrong. It was all wrong. But in the clubs, it was perfectly right. Everyone there was an outcast of some sort, mostly gay, obviously. Still, because everyone there had been an outcast, there were no outcasts in the world they'd created. The weirder and more outrageous you were, the better.

That's how I felt about everything at first. Now, almost a year later, I saw the darker side. I saw that people used the club as a place to get high and forget about their problems. You could get any drug you wanted in there, or you could slip money through a hole in the wall and get a cocktail that included a little bit of everything. Because of my mother, I had never wanted to do drugs. But because of my friendship with David Sinclair and his posse, I quickly changed my mind when it came to the subject.

No, they didn't force me to do drugs. They told me not to. Honestly. But I didn't listen, because I came to feel like the odd one out when everyone else was waltzing around in k-holes or whatever other shit they were on. And to be honest, I wanted to feel the numbness that came with being high. I wanted an escape too.

So I found one.

"What's wrong with her?" David asked.

Ginny and Leon were dragging me into his apartment. Literally dragging me. I had no control over myself anymore, or so it seemed. I had no control over my stomach either. I'd puked all over myself and partially over the two of them on the way in.

"What the fuck do you think is wrong with her?" Leon shot back. "She's been at Jeffrey's for the past week. He just kicked her out for vomiting on his Dolce and Gabbana jacket. We found her laying in her own puke on the street."

David groaned, watching as Ginny dumped me onto his sofa. I knew he was probably hoping I wasn't going to puke on it. Neither of really had any control over that.

"Why'd you bring her here?" David asked.

"Where are we supposed to bring her?" Leon retorted. "You think we can show up to her ritzy penthouse and hand her over to her mother?"

David didn't say anything. Ginny grabbed my face in her hands, trying to get me to focus on her face, which I just couldn't. I felt my stomach lurching, but I couldn't imagine I had anything left in my to puke up.

"Get her something!" Ginny demanded. "She's freaking me out."

"I only have K," David said.

"Well, get some into her," Ginny said. "Like yesterday."

David rolled his eyes. He moseyed over to his little kitchen and prepped a line for me on one of his antique china plates.

"Here," he said, begrudgingly handing it to Ginny.

She didn't have to say anything. I knew what to do. I leaned forward and snorted the whole line in record time.

Instantly, I felt better. It wasn't my drug of choice, it wasn't what I'd been doing over at Jeffrey's place, but it was something. Some drug to keep my body from trying to fuck me over with withdrawal.

God, I hated myself. What had I become, unable to go a couple of hours without doing drugs?

I knew the answer to that question. And I hated myself more than anything for the answer:

I had become my mother.

The next day came, and it was time for me to take my first vegetarian hunting trip with Alice and Rosalie. I wasn't excited about it. I wasn't thirsty either, but I knew I had to get animal blood in my system so that my eyes would turn golden, a less conspicuous color than the red they currently were.

I came downstairs to find Alice already waiting for me. She was as bubbly as she had been the night before and was thrilled to have me coming along. Maybe she was right when she said she predicted we'd be good friends. Opposites attract, as they say.

"Rosalie will be down soon," Alice chirped. "She likes to make sure she's all beautiful, even for stuff like this."

I couldn't imagine what Rosalie would be doing to make herself beautiful. She was beautiful enough. Even for a vampire, she was extremely beautiful with long, soft golden curls and and timelessly attractive features.

"Good morning," Carlisle greeted, coming down the stairs into the kitchen. He was dressed for his job at the hospital, white lab coat on and briefcase in hand. "Ready for your first vegetarian meal today, Lindsay?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I answered. I gave him the best smile I could muster.

"I think you'll be fine," he assured me kindly. "It takes some getting used to, but you'll adjust."

"You will," Alice chimed in. Of course, she would know. "I'm not gonna lie, you're gonna hate it, but you'll do it."

I laughed. I appreciated Alice's honesty.

"Good luck," Carlisle winked. "I'll see you this evening."

"Have a good day," Alice reminded him.

"Thanks," Carlisle responded. "Esme will be in the office if you need her, Lindsay."

I thanked him, and he gave us one more wave before exiting the house to hop in the car and head to the hospital. Rosalie made her entrance a few moments later, already wearing a scowl.

"Forgive her," Alice told me. "She gets grumpy when she gets hungry."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"

"Okay," Alice grinned. "Girls' trip!"

I chuckled, but Rosalie didn't. Alice rolled her eyes at me, which I only laughed at more while following her to the garage.

"We're taking my car today," Rosalie stated.

She clicked the keys in her hands, unlocking the bright red BMW convertible. I climbed in the backseat without question and Alice took shotgun. Rosalie peeled out of the garage and driveway with surprising speed.

"Do you like music, Lindsay?" Alice asked, reaching for the stereo.

"Yeah," I said. "But probably nothing either of you would like."

"You don't -" Alice said.

"Just leave the radio alone," Rosalie interjected.

Alice disobeyed, turning on whatever the local pop station was. She hummed along to the sappy love song, seeming serene despite her thirst. Rosalie parked the car on the shoulder of the road after about twenty minutes of driving. I thought it was weird that she wasn't concerned about leaving the car like that, but once I realized just how out of the way we were, I knew there wasn't any danger of the car being stolen or vandalized. I had to remember I wasn't in New York anymore.

Rosalie took off without waiting for Alice or I. I didn't really care, but I could tell Alice was offended on my behalf.

"I knew she was going to do that," Alice grumbled. "Sorry about Rose. She can be a bit cold with people she doesn't know too well, especially girls, and especially pretty girls."

I knitted my brows together with confusion. "But Rosalie's so -"

"Beautiful?" Alice finished. "I know, and she definitely knows that. But she still gets jealous. C'mon - I smell a mountain lion that's calling my name."

I raced after her, trying to process the fact that Rosalie had judged me beautiful enough to be jealous. Bizarre. I knew I wasn't ugly. I had the same kind of beauty that every other vampire did, not the kind of beauty that could compete with Rosalie. Maybe if I showed her a picture of what I looked like as a human she'd feel better.

I was surprised by Alice's speed. She was faster than I anticipated. Maybe it had something to do with her little legs. Either way, I was pushing myself to keep up.

"Right here!" Alice announced.

I skidded to a halt on the damp, mossy ground, catching myself on a nearby evergreen tree. Alice had already wrangled a mountain lion, who she'd expertly caught in a headlock. I couldn't help but to laugh a bit at the sight of it. There was something hilarious about seeing Alice, who couldn't even be five feet tall, having a ferocious looking mountain lion subdued so easily.

Easily, she snapped the mountain lion's neck, and sank her teeth in its neck.

I don't know why seeing her do that bothered me. I'd done the same - I'd done worse - to more people than I could possibly keep count of. I had no emotion when it came to doing it to humans, but something about animals bothered me.

I supposed it was because animals were innocent. Animals didn't have a concept of good and evil, let alone enough of a developed consciousness to act on either. People did, and they tended to act on the latter. No person above a certain age was innocent. Everyone had done a few things for evil, and I always was able to know because of what I'd absorbed for Aro. I justified my feeding off of humans based on that fact, the fact that there was now true innocent human, as well as the fact that vampires were built specifically to feed off of humans.

"Try some," Alice instructed, holding the mountain lion's neck out to me. She was smiling, her eyes already golden from the blood she'd ingested. "This one's pretty good."

I took a deep breath, but I did. I sank my teeth into the creature's neck. I wasn't used to all the fur getting in the way.

I took one sip and knew I didn't like it. It just didn't taste good. I couldn't put it in any simpler terms than that. It just wasn't good.

"You don't like it," Alice half-laughed, inspecting my expression. "I mean, I could see you wouldn't like it, but it's written all over your face."

"Elisabeth always says that," I said with a small smile of my own.

It just hit me how much I missed my adopted family. I'd been away for them from a day and I already missed Nevaeh's little one-toothed smile, Elisabeth's constant fussing over me, Jesse's laughter, Samuel's hugs and Anna's slightly annoying fashion advice.

"Do you want to try and get your own?" Alice asked. She paused, but before I could answer, she said, "You don't."

"I don't," I verified. "But I'm willing to try."

I was only willing to try because I remembered what I was doing for my family. Staying here was keeping us all safe. And I wasn't going to mess that up.

Alice beamed. "Let's do it. I'll follow you."

I started off, trying to track a scent. I wasn't as familiar with animal scents, so it wasn't as easy for me as it was when it came to finding a human. Luckily, Alice tipped me off when she smelled a bear. I turned to see where she was pointing, and indeed I saw a big old grizzly bear.

It was cute, in a way. I saw the cuteness in his thick fur and big eyes, but I knew I wasn't there to gawk at the big teddy bear. I was there to kill and to drink. I didn't want to. But I knew the faster my eyes changed, the better. And the faster I got used to human blood, the better.

I launched myself at the bear. It fought back more than humans did, unsurprisingly, as it was significantly stronger than humans were. Still, it wasn't any match for my strength. Once I got the creature under control, it was a breeze to break the neck and sink my teeth in.

Just like the mountain lion, I found the taste of bear disgusting. I guess it was a bit better than the mountain lion - there was more fat, but it still wasn't a taste I would choose if I wasn't in this situation. But I drank all of the blood the animal had to give, because I was thinking about my family. The better I kept cover here, the safer everyone would be. At least that's what I'd been told.

"Going straight for a bear?" came a new, male voice. "I like this girl already."

Rather carelessly, I wiped the blood and bits of fur from my face with the back of my hand, which I then wiped against my jeans. It didn't matter. I had a lot of experience when it came to washing out blood from clothes.

I saw that three others had joined Alice. Rosalie, of course, I recognized, but the other two I didn't. I assumed they were Emmett and Jasper. The one who'd spoke sort of reminded me of Jesse, from the joke and based on his playful, sort of boyish smile. As far as looks went, that's where the similarities ended, because he was huge - tall and well muscled, while Jesse was shorter, having that small-but-feisty thing about him. The other one was tall too, leaner though, and with honey blonde hair as opposed to the other's dark curls.

"Lindsay, this is Emmett," Alice introduced, gesturing to the bigger one who had a casual arm around Rosalie's waist. "And Jasper." She meant the blonde.

"Nice to meet you," Emmett grinned. "After everything I've heard, it's nice to put a face to your name."

"Good or bad things?" I asked.

"Good," Emmett assured me. With a playful shrug, he said, "Maybe a few bad things, but it evens out."

I grinned. Emmett was quickly securing himself a place as my second favorite Cullen behind Alice. I had to wonder how he put up with Rosalie, though, since evidently they were together.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Lindsay," Jasper then said.

I'd sort of forgotten he was there. But now that I remembered, I noticed he was looking at me in a sort of weird way. Not like Samuel had before he changed me, not like a vampire ready to strike, but still….odd.

"Yeah, same," I nodded.

"Your eyes are already less red," Alice said with a smile. "They're a coppery kind of color….I haven't seen it before."

"Good," I said. "Better than red, right?"

"Right," Alice grinned.

"Is everyone ready to go, now that we've all had our introductions?" Rosalie inquired. She wasn't thirsty anymore, but she seemed just as full of disdain.

"Yeah," Emmett answered for the group. "How about we race back? Your little red thing versus my Jeep."

As I saw the grin come over Rosalie's face, I started to see how the two could balance each other out.

"My little red thing will win," she assured him with a smirk.

"Not if I get a head start!" Emmett bellowed, sprinting off in the blink of an eye. "C'mon, Jasper!"

I bounded off behind Rosalie and Alice, leaping into the backseat of her BMW. Emmett and Jasper quickly sped by in a Jeep fitted for offroading, going faster than Rosalie had earlier, which I'd thought was pretty damn fast. Rosalie stepped on the gas, and we were off, and I had to say that I was a bit nervous. I wasn't used to driving in cars - there wasn't a need to have a car in New York. I certainly wasn't used to going over a hundred on the rain slicked back roads of Washington.

I was relieved when we landed back in the Cullens' driveway, even though Rosalie was playfully disappointed in having lost to Emmett.

"I win," Emmett teased, taking Rosalie up in his arms to smack a kiss atop her very blonde head.

"I'll get you next time," Rosalie winked. "You'll see."