A/N:
This is set after Tony makes Pepper CEO, but before they go to Monaco.
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This is definitely one of Tony's bad days, muses Loki. The bad days were those on which the Palladium toxicity in Tony's blood would spike, courtesy of stress - or a need to adjust yet again his chlorophyll intake – and until the problem was brought under control Tony would be assaulted by waves of extreme weakness, nausea, dizziness, and most recently vomiting, in addition to the constant throbbing ache in his chest.
So when JARVIS calls Tony's attention to the reports of new violence that has broken out in the Middle-East, Loki hopes for the infinitesimal possibility that for once Tony will put his own health and safety first and leave this matter in the hands of others.
JARVIS says as much, voicing more concern than a machine should be able to feel, when he recommends that Tony not answer the call, given his physical state – and the fact that use of his suit accelerates the palladium poisoning, but Tony's attention is mainly turned to the images on his screens, and he finally says – in a voice more pained and guilt-ridden than Loki has ever heard before - "JARVIS, analyze the explosions – are those my weapons?"
When after what for the computer is an eternity, JARVIS finally replies "It appears so", Loki knows that now there is nothing that will stop Tony from flying out to stop the bloodshed.
Loki can only watch with a strange sense of awe as Tony changes into his black undersuit, the sheer determination burning within the mortal combating the pain and weariness that fills his every move, somehow pushing him past his ever-lessening physical limits – and ice ripples down Loki's spine as an old resentment in him bubbles up, because though Tony looks and acts nothing like Thor – the all-encompassing fierce determination that burns in Tony's gaze is something he has seen too many times in his not-brother, and though Thor had fought for his own realm and king, and Tony claims no allegiance to any ruler – this warrior's fire is the same.
This time, Loki forces the resentment back, reminding himself that the analogy does not work – for Thor is an Aesir, almost invincible – unlike Tony a fragile mortal, whose life is slipping through his fingers, even as he places himself between harm and those who need his protection.
As Tony steps onto the platform and the robotic arms start encasing him in the red and gold armor that protects him from without by killing him from within, Loki feels the ache in his own chest grow, and when he sees Tony reach up, letting the metal be assembled onto his arms, Loki acts on instinct and jumps up, latching with his claws onto the inner armor that is about to be fitted over the arc-reactor – hoping belatedly that Tony's robotic assembly platform is as sensitive to weight changes as it is precise, otherwise he will end up as a cat-pancake.
Luckily, Tony builds his machinery well, and the arm holding the chest-armor plus Loki oscillates a couple times in the digital equivalent of confusion before the entire process grinds to a halt.
Tony sighs – not particularly surprised by his cat's behavior - and says in a tone that is weary and pleading:
"I know – JARVIS agrees with you – but I have to do this – so please get out of my prosthetics."
Loki is not sure what to say in response – if he could: 'no, I'm afraid you will get blown out of the sky if you fight in your state' 'no, you're killing yourself doing this' and for once the limits of his cat-form make things simpler as he twists to look at Tony and lets out a mournful meow.
Tony sighs again, closing his eyes, but when he opens them, the burning determination is back, and he says to Loki in a tone that is firm yet still kind as he gestures toward his armored arms that are still held within the robotic assembly:
"Loki, I'm going, so don't make me take all this off to get you down from there."
Loki knows that these are not idle words, and this time he likely has to accept defeat – yet despite his utter failure at getting the outcome he wants, he cannot find it in himself to be angry, so he only looks at Tony, trying to decide whether the extra minutes he can buy by hanging on and voicing his protests are worth anything in the end, when Tony adds in a tone that is warm with humor:
"Come on, that is Pepper's job, not yours."
At those words, something inside Loki snaps, and all the resentment he had fought back earlier wells up inside. He knows that Tony is joking, and given the mortal's trademark humor this is simply affectionate, but with the earlier comparisons fresh in his mind, all Loki can hear is his not-brother's voice, ringing out in the icy wasteland of Jotunheim "Know your place, brother." – and he turns and hisses at Tony before leaping back to the floor while he thinks bitterly: "Fine, go. See if I care.".
Loki sulks away, pretending he does not see the hurt that is written upon Tony's features before the metal of his suit covers them, and he blasts up through the impromptu launch-tunnel in his ceiling.
Eighteen hours later, Loki is pacing relentlessly in Tony's shop, worry and guilt gnawing at him. His hurt and anger have evaporated in the face of the haunting possibility that perhaps Tony has not returned because he did get killed on this mission – and Loki finds that he cannot bear the thought that his last interaction with Tony might be the one memory Tony took to the grave.
No words can describe his joy when minutes later, he hears a familiar whine from repulsors and JARVIS starts to open the platform – yet as the robotic arms strip of the battered armor from Tony's equally battered body, Loki fights back the impulse to run over and greet the mortal as perhaps he should, telling himself that he will only be in the way – and pointedly ignoring the small part of him that knows his reluctance stems from his unwillingness to admit he was wrong.
Loki sighs as he sees Tony stagger away from the platform, bleeding from a small cut on his head and a larger one on his left shoulder, keeping as much weight as possible from his left ankle which is sprained at best – and pressing his right forearm to ribs that are very possibly cracked. Yet despite the fact that Tony should be getting his injuries cared for, he carefully kneels, scooping Loki into his arms and ignoring the half-hearted squirm from the cat.
As Tony sinks onto his couch, fighting the physical pain of his injuries, Loki feels a brief urge to walk away – but it ebbs as quickly as it had come because despite the bitter metal he can smell stronger then ever in the mortal's blood, despite his own feelings earlier, the warmth of Tony's body is comforting – a reminder that for now, the mortal is still living, still breathing…. and as he settles down on Tony's lap, the memories of icy wastelands start to melt away.
Realizing that Tony is still awake – instead of passed-out from exhaustion as he rightly should be –Loki looks up at him, bringing the mortal's attention back to the present by rubbing his cheek on Tony's open palm, and he knows he has succeeded when Tony leans back, pulling Loki up against his chest, rubbing circles in his fur with one thumb as he says quietly:
"I destroyed all the weapons I could find…. but innocent people still died…."
Unshed tears shine in the mortal's eyes as he goes on, staring into the distance at images only he can see:
"They say that if you save one life, you have saved the world… it isn't true…. because no matter how hard I try I can never save everyone…."
After what feels like an eternity, Tony speaks again, this time meeting Loki's gaze:
"Either way, being able to care for you – knowing that at least I can make a difference for you helps…. so thank you."
Loki cannot find words to respond to that – even if he could speak – so he simply rests his head against the arc-reactor and listens to Tony's heartbeat as the mortal sinks into an exhausted sleep.
JARVIS takes the liberty of calling Pepper to help with Tony's injuries, and Loki steps out of the way as she starts what has likely become routine for her: patching up Tony while chiding him on putting himself in danger in the first place – but this time, there is a new complaint added to her list: that instead of calling her and taking care of his injuries as well as possible in the meantime, he 'cuddled' with his cat.
Loki tends to agree with her wish that Tony would take his health more seriously, but he remembers only too clearly the broken admission that the mortal had made while holding him, and he knows that more than anything in that moment, Tony had needed someone to love and nurture. Perhaps because only that could ease the emotional burden weighing upon him.
As Tony stumbles through an explanation of how he did not want a lonely looking Loki to feel abandoned – for the first time, Loki finds himself wondering if on that cold day in Jotunheim when Odin took him in – it was not motivated by political gain as much as by the simple need of a man scarred by the horrors of war to find some peace in the act of nurturing another life.
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