::DISCLAIMER::

The flashback does get a little intense, so this is a trigger warning for any of my readers that might need it. I'm going to warn you that there is a character death and I go into detail about it, there's a lot of gore. Honestly, I thought about not doing it, but I thought that would be a bad representation on my part because I feel like you guys would be at a loss if you didn't know how deep and brutal the tragedy is. Also, I believe that this a major/critical moment in Elaine's life that defines a lot of her decisions and if you didn't know the full extent of what it is, you would never be able to completely be able to understand her as a character. If you choose not to read the flashback that's fine, message me and I can give you an edited version of it without any gore. The flashback might be okay, I'm not that great at going in detail {because I am a beginner at writing} and I don't know what exactly is the limit or line or whatever it is that tells you that is so maybe there is nothing to be worried about. But I'm putting this here, and letting you guys know there's is an alternative option just in case.

Five years ago…

Phillip threw his dart at the board, his stance was loose and firm as it propelled forward and struck the center of the board. He smirked and turned his head towards his sister, she glowered at him. "Try to beat that." He bragged, puffing out his chest as he admired his aim.

Elaine smiled and flung her own dart at the board, it struck right next to his. The twang of them hitting each other resounding through the small alcove in the library.

Phillip frowned, "Not bad." He muttered, retrieving the darts from the board. Handing Elaine her three, he turned back to the board. He threw the first one, it hit on the outer edge of the bull's eye. "That was just a practice one." He told Elaine, making her laugh and reluctantly concede. Phillip rolled his shoulders and popped his neck, raising the second one to aim again. It hit the center of the bull's eye, "Yes!" Phillip yelled and pumped his fists into the air, he continued to cheer for himself, posturing in a circle around his little sister as she glared at the offending dart.

"I bet you can't do that again," She challenged, a plan hatching in her head; Phillip laughed mockingly at her.

He got into his stance and concentrated on the board, feeling a lot more relaxed and confident, he easily flung the dart at the wall.

Elaine's eyes flashed and she flicked her fingers at the dart, whispering a soft word, the enchanted dart abruptly swerved in the other direction and thudded into the bookcase that lined the wall. The wood cracking and sending splinters everywhere from the unnatural force of the dart.

"Elaine!" Phillip shouted, covering him and Elaine from the splinters by using a book as a shield. "Stop doing that! You're gonna get us in trouble." He complained, giving her a scolding look.

Elaine laughed, not seeming to be othered by it. "Please, Geoffrey never comes over here. He always delegates this section to us." She reminded Phillip, "And what he doesn't know, won't hurt him."

Phillip rolled his eyes, and nodded at the board. "Your turn." He muttered, taking his dart from the bookcase.

Elaine smirked and stared at her brother insolently, "Bull's eye without looking."

Phillip scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Only because-"

Elaine's eyes flashed and her darts went soaring towards the board without her looking, they embedded straight into the center. Right into each other, the darts and board splitting in half from the force.

"Stop doing that!" Her brother roared, rushing towards them as they fell onto the ground. He picked up the disseminated pieces and examined them closely, a tight frown on his face. "I don't think we can fix them this time." He told her.

Elaine shook her head, and joined her brother in his examination. "No, I can fix it." She offered and raised her hand over the pieces

Phillip quickly moved his hands and what was left of their game away from her, "No!' he argued, "You'll break them even more."

Elaine rolled her eyes, "Don't be such a baby."

"I'm not!" Phillip argued, turning away from her and gently setting the pieces on a table. He matched them up like it was a puzzle. "We can do something else."

Elaine pursed her lips and sat down on the table, swinging her legs over the side as they couldn't touch the ground. "Okay." She pondered for a moment on what they should do. She shoved her forefinger up in the air, "I got it! Let's go play with Arthur!" Elaine announced proudly, not noticing her brother's shoulders tense as she spoke.

"No," Phillip dissented, putting his hands on the table as he leaned onto them. "No, I don't think that would be a good idea."

Elaine tilted her head to the side, her golden hair spilling over her shoulder. "Why not?" She questioned, trying to clear her confusion. "Don't you two need to train together for the tournament?"

"That's not going to happen anymore."

Elaine's eyes lowered away from her brother, she could see his hurt and shame in the way his hands clenched together and his eyes refused to look away from the table. "I thought you wanted to compete in the tournament."

"I do- did." He sighed, "It's complicated. Arthur- he can't train with me anymore so now I don't have anyone to prepare with. And I won't go into to it only to lose in the first round." Phillip swore to himself, his face darkening at the thought.

"Arthur isn't your only friend." Elaine tried to remind her brother, but it only seemed to make him even more upset.

Phillip pinched the bridge of his nose and grimaced, "Everyone else refused when they found out that Arthur was no longer training with me. They, and their mothers, know that Uther hates me. The only thing that kept me in good standing was that I was Arthur's friend."

Elaine's shoulders slumped, "Oh." She glowered at the ground then suddenly perked up, "Maybe I can help you!" She declared, meaning that she could train with him, she doubted that it was so hard to swing a sword.

Phillip scoffed and lowered his hand from his face, "You couldn't-" His voice dropped off as an idea popped into his head. "Elaine, maybe you can!"

Elaine hopped off of the table, not liking the mischievous glint in his eyes. "Oh, uh- Phillip, I don't think what your thinking is good." She warned, backing away from him.

Phillip grinned playfully, trying to appease his sister from her concerns. "Maybe, but I know it would be a lot of fun."

Elaine grimaced, "What is it?" She asked hesitantly, he had started giving her his signature look with his large, round eyes that resembled a puppy's.

"We could use your magic to help me." He told her in a hushed voice that had her leaning in so that she could hear him correctly.

Elaine's eyebrows shot up comically as she gaped at her brother, "You're jesting."

Phillip frowned, "No, Elaine. Actually I'm being serious."

Elaine shook her head, "I won't do it."

He pursed his lips, "Elaine-"

She stomped her foot down, "No!"

He glowered at his little sister, "El-"

She spun around and took off running down the cases before he could finish saying her name. Elaine sprinted down between the shelves of books, trying to get away from his blue eyes.

"Elaine," Phillip called, chasing after his sister down the hall. "I don't understand why you're so mad." He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him.

Elaine glowered at him, shoving his hand off of her. "Because it would be cheating!" She told him, not bothering to keep her voice down.

Phillip glanced around, luckily nobody was in the library at that moment. He looked back at his sister, "So? You do it all the time!"

Elaine pointed at him, "And you always get mad at me for it!" She reminded Phillip fiercely, making him glower at her.

"This is different." He argued, rolling his eyes at his sister.

"I know!" Elaine shouted and clenching her fists at her sides. "This is realty!"

Phillip groaned, "It's reality."

"That too!"

He had to keep himself from rolling his eyes again, it would have only made her more upset. He put his hand on her shoulder, "This is really important to me, little sis." He sighed, and let go of her shoulder. He turned away from her with a dismal look, "But if you don't want to do it then I guess-"

"Why's it so important to you?"

Phillip turned back around, and lowered himself to his sister's height. "You're probably not going to understand this, but you will when you're older." He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently shook it, comfortingly. "We are outcasts here. People think that our parents were bad people." Elaine placed her hands on her brother's shoulders when she noticed the water gathering in his eyes. "That they deserved to die." He inhaled shakily, "And they see us as bad too because we come from them. But we aren't bad." He promised his sister, "We are good and if we proved that to them-proved it to Uther, then he will reinstate us as Pendragons."

"I thought we already are Pendragons?"

Phillip pursed his lips, "When the king found out about our parents' crimes, he cut all ties to us. Meaning that we are no longer to be considered as Pendragons." He tried explaining to the ten year old, they never really had this conversation before.

"What if I help you with my magic?" Elaine questioned, she had heard the stories and was not totally ignorant of what crimes her parents were accused of. "What would happen if we got caught?"

Phillip's jaw clenched and his grip tightened on her shoulder, "If that were to happen, I would take you far from here and never let any harm be fall you." He swore, meaning every word not just on having hope either. He felt it in his bones that he would not let his sister be burned as Phillip had to watch his parents be. "We would go back to where we lived before coming to Camelot. Where you were born and we lived with our parents. We would stay there and be happy."

Elaine grinned, "I'll do it."

It was good, his plan was working. In the few weeks leading up to the tournament, Phillip and Elaine would disappear into the forest, away from prying eyes, and would train together. He got used to the feeling of a sword in his hands as it did what her magic asked it to do. She translated spells from the oldest books in the library and used them when she would enchant his blade. They were sympatico; he helped her with controlling her magic, and she helped him train for the tournament and increase his skill. It was good, but it, as things tended to do, did not last.

The tournament started off without a hitch, it was open to the public and brought in warriors from all around. Some of them were elusive and frightening to Elaine, others were interesting and exciting. Elaine's charismatic brother quickly made friends out of them.

At first, Phillip would complain to his sister that Uther had set him up to fight against the worst of the warriors and Arthur to fight against the easiest. But as the rounds went on, and Phillip continued to beat each of his opponents in mystifying odds, the complaining lessened. Getting drowned out by the cheers of the crowd, and Phillip learned what it felt like to be favored.

Nobles, that had never spoken to him before, were now stopping him in the halls to congratulate him on his success. Pretty girls, that had never paid attention to him before, would ask him to wear their token in the tournament. As her brother's happiness grew so did Elaine's, she had never seemed like this before. He seemed to have been born for this role as champion.

Elaine started taking larger risks with her magic, to make Phillip seem even more skilled with the sword, and his fame grew. He would warn before a fight to not to take such risks, telling her that she might make a mistake, but she didn't listen to him. She had become enthralled with the glory and the magic. It was still working though, Phillip was light on his feet and clever, any time her magic would catch him by surprise, he would be able to adapt to it. Then, one time, she made a mistake and he wasn't fast enough.

It was the deciding round to see who would compete in the final round, there was only four finalists left: Phillip, Arthur, a young and promising knight, a foreign warrior that preferred to use the broadsword. It was to be Phillip versus the foreigner, and Arthur versus the knight.

Phillip began the fight by being on defense, letting the larger man wear himself out as Phillip danced around him. It was the same tactic he had used on Arthur so many times. Once the foreigner had done exactly what Phillip had hoped him to do, Phillip switched to offense. Hammering back the man with his sword and shield.

Elaine had meant to spell Phillip's sword, but as "faerraes haeftmece rihtscyttene wighryre" fell from her lips, her eyes noticed the flash of Phillip's opponent's sword head towards her brother. The spell was torn from the path it was intended and sent instead to the other weapon.

The crowd gasped as a whole and flinched when the boy screeched in pain, the broadsword cutting through his abdomen and shredding his chainmail where the blade touched it. There was a shout of dismay from the entrance of the arena, Arthur had been waiting there for his round, it was supposed to begin after this one. Phillip spun on his heel from the force of the blow, his sword and shield falling from his grip. Arthur ran forward to Phillip, catching him before he could hit the ground, and falling to his knees with Phillip falling into his lap. Guards rushing after their prince and blocking Phillip's opponent from making anymore movements as Phillip continued to scream until his voice cracked.

Elaine stepped out from her hidden spot behind the seats, she walked down the steps of the stands like a ghost, her eyes fixed only on her brother. Absentmindedly, she bumped into the short wall that was there to keep someone from falling into the arena. The people that knew that was her brother looked away from the grotesque scene and at the mute girl with sadness. Even those that didn't know, looked at her with pity. They would have looked anywhere to forget about the bloodied boy, and Elaine was the one that they directed their attention to.

Her face was eerily solemn as she gazed on Phillip, Elaine seemed to be the only that could look at him. Even King Uther had turned his head away from the boy as he reclined on his dais.

Arthur continued to hold Phillip in his arms, his eyes avoiding the large wound that had exposed Phillip's organs. "It's- I'm dying, aren't I?" The curly headed boy asked his prince with his hand trying to grip onto Arthur's.

Arthur grabbed onto Phillip's, seeing it weakly try to grasp back produced tears from his eyes. "Gaius can't fix this." Arthur told him, a tear falling from his nose as he gazed down at his cousin in his arms.

Phillip grunted, "Don't cry for me Arthur." He breathed shakily as pain continued to lance through him. "I'm not worth your tears. No man is." He scolded firmly, not knowing that Arthur would be repeating this years later. He couldn't hold back a shout of pain when he tried to see what his wound looked like.

"Don't move," Arthur told him. "It's bad, really bad."

"It's going to be okay," Phillip replied weakly, his eyes fluttering close, it took him great effort to open them again. "Just-" He struggled for breath, "Just promise me that you'll take care of her. You'll take care of Elaine." He repeated softly, tilting his head back to get a closer look at Arthur.

Arthur shook his head faintly to get rid of the tears on his face, "You know I will." He looked away from him at Gaius, "He could have something for your pain."

"No," Phillip pleaded and tried holding onto Arthur's hand tighter, afraid that he would leave him. "Please, Arthur I need your word." Arthur looked back at Phillip with misery and confusion. "Please, vow to me that no matter what might happen that you won't let anything happen to her."

"Nothing's going to happen to her." Arthur promised, shifting to try to help with Phillip's pain, but it only seemed to make it worse because he yelled out when Arthur moved his leg from underneath him.

"Ple-" Phillip gasped, the pain from his wound took away his words and he squeezed Arthur's hand tighter for leverage. "Please." He finished, his strength weakening from the effort the word stole from him.

Arthur placed their hands on his heart, he had tried to do just his, but Phillip had refused to let go. "I vow-"

"On your mother's grave." Phillip interrupted weakly, his head falling back on to the blood stained dirt.

Arthur tried to pull him closer to get his head out of Phillip's own blood, but their armor was either too heavy or thick and he was unable to do so. Instead having to watch the as the brown curls turned red. He continued as Phillip stared at him with pleading eyes, "I vow on my mother's grave-"

"And on my grave." He interrupted again, one arm rolling off of his chest and on to the ground, his other still held above Arthur's heart.

Arthur's lip trembled, "And on your grave that I will never let anything happen to Elaine-"

"-Pendragon." Phillip interrupted, a faint smile coming to his face as Arthur couldn't help gawking at him.

Arthur wondered how Phillip could care about that in this moment. "Phillip, you shouldn't-"

"Say-" Phillip struggled, his face getting marred by frustration, exhaustion, pain, and anger. "-It-" He swallowed the blood that had been filling his mouth. "-Again."

"I, Arthur Pendragon," Phillip's smile grew, the teeth between his lips were red. "Vow on my mother's grave," Arthur found himself struggling for breath as Phillip did. "And on your grave," A sob burst from his lips as more of Phillip's blood spilled onto Arthur's legs. "That I will always protect Elaine Pendragon from anyone who would dare to harm her."

Phillip tried raising his head to speak, his voice was too weak to be heard away from Arthur's ear. He opened his mouth endeavoring to thank him, but instead of his voice, a shuddering breath fell from his lips.

"No," Arthur pleaded softly, tilting his head to look down at Phillip. "No. No. No." He repeated over and over again, Phillip's hand falling from his grasp and limply onto the ground. Arthur hurried to pick it up, but the blood had already stained it. "No. No." He scrubbed the blood off of Phillip's hand and onto his trousers, they had already turned red from the blood. "No, please, Phillip. No."

He looked at Gaius, the man had been hovering nearby with a mournful expression. "He's gone." Arthur told him, but Gaius had already known, he had been surprised that Phillip had managed to hang on that long. It saddened him even more to think about it, the time spent hanging on meant more time spent dealing with the pain, but wounds like his weren't meant to kill instantly. It didn't actually damage any of the important organs, just split open the gut causing the victim eventually bleed to death while being in immense pain.

"Phillip," A broken voice called. Elaine entered the arena, her steps silent on the sand as she slowly walked towards Gaius and Arthur. Her hollowed eyes only able to see Arthur's back with Phillip's head, hanging over the edge of Arthur's legs, on the ground and Phillip's long legs spread out on the other side in what had to be an uncomfortable position.

Arthur swiftly turned his head to look at her, he held up a bloodied hand. "No, Elaine, don't-" He choked, but quickly swallowed down anymore tears. "Don't come any closer."

Elaine stared at Arthur's bloodied hand, not able to look away from it until he moved it back in front of him. She set her jaw and blinked rapidly as she forced herself to walk closer.

Gaius grabbed on to her arm as she passed by him, "No, my Lady, you shouldn't see this." His tone was sympathetic as his eyes pitied her.

Elaine stared at the offending hand and Gaius quickly removed it from her persons, "I think I should." She told him and walked around to the front of Arthur. Her face falling into one of horror as she was the extent of her brother's wound. Her feet didn't stop until she was directly facing him in the other direction, still being able to see Phillip's head on one side and his legs on the other, but now she could also see his torso. Every single horrific inch of it, including the gaping wound in his stomach that exposed his intestines to the air.

She didn't know when it had happened, but suddenly she was on her knees with her hands clutching on to the dirt. Her thoughts came in seconds after that.

One, my brother is dead.

Two, I killed him.

Three, I did that.

Four, my magic did that.

If she had eaten anything that day, she would have already vomited. Instead she was forcing dry-heaves down to keep any bile from coming up. Arthur watched her broken expression with his own, he wanted to go to her, to keep her from seeing any more of this. But every time he tried moving towards her, shifting Phillip and causing more of his wound to be exposed which made Elaine even worse.

Gaius went to Elaine, realizing Arthur's predicament and wanting to help the child himself. He placed a hand on her shoulder, "Elaine." He used a soft tone to keep from upsetting her even more.

She looked up at him, her eyes no longer sad, but still broken. Her expression was devoid of all emotions, all except self-loathing.

He leaned down and picked her up to get her to her feet, she latched onto him, hugging him to her tightly. A part of her recognized that he had strength, and that she had none. Tenderly, he wrapped his arms back around her as Elaine's shoulders shook with tears that didn't come. "I'm sorry." He said to her, not able to see her expression as her face was facing away from his with her ear pressed to his chest.

That was the first apology for her to hear, with many more condolences to come after that. King Uther was the first to leave from the tournament, signalling the guards to release Phillip's opponent from custody. Then the peasants as they had work to do. Then the nobles. Then those that knew Phillip. Then guards came and took the body from the scene, Arthur following after them as he refused to let go of the hand that had clung to his so desperately.

Lastly, Geoffrey came and collected his granddaughter like he had done for her brother when their parents had died. He took her by the hand, led her to their quarters, gently put her in a hot bath, and scrubbed her head to toe. Once he was done, he took the child out of the small tub and wrapped her tightly in a wool blanket. In a firm tone he told her, "Now you are cleaned. You have been scrubbed of this tragedy and must move on from it. Say goodbye and don't look back." Geoffrey left her alone after that, returning to reality as the girl hid in her room.

She distinctly heard his words, but didn't believe a single one of them. Elaine didn't feel clean; she felt dirty in her core. She didn't feel scrubbed, despite her skin's raw pinkness that agreed with Geoffrey; she felt that her soul had been tainted. She wondered how she could move on from this when it had taken her heart. She didn't know how she was supposed to say goodbye if he was already gone. She could do one thing he said though. Elaine could look forward, she could look outside her window and see a place far from here that was beckoning to her with false promises her brother had made.

Her grandfather had agreed to let her brother be cremated, reluctantly, but since it had been the only thing Elaine had said to him since the accident, he felt he couldn't refuse. Through the entirety of the funeral, Elaine watched Uther, wanting to see any of his reactions. She wanted him to watch Phillip burn as he had ordered her father and mother to burn. If he had any remorse, she couldn't see it, Uther watched the boy on the pyre through the whole funeral with a stoic expression as he stood on the balcony that overlooked the courtyard.

Once it was over and everyone was gone, Elaine's chubby fingers dug into the ash and filled the pot she had snuck in her skirt. Stuffing a lid on it once she felt she had gathered enough of his remains. Leaving only a note for her grandfather, she ran away from Camelot to the place that should have been her home.

The shuttered windows of the large cottage in the country with a busted open door that was still being held in place by one of its hinges. Elaine poured Phillip's remains on to the ground, not being careful about where she scattered it, just making sure that it had gone over she imagined where Phillip could have been.

"What are you doing, little girl?" A young woman asked Elaine, startling her and almost making her drop the pot. The woman with blue eyes and dark hair, smiled kindly at the child. "Who are you?"

Elaine frowned and hid the pot behind her back, she lifted her chin at the woman. "This is my home. I was born here."

"A wonderful and kind couple lived here," The woman spoke sweetly, moving along the fence and entering from the broken gate. She walked to the girl, slightly impressed that the girl remained brave and didn't shy away from her. She crouched down to be at the same level as her to look closer at Elaine, she could recognise the blonde hair and blue eyes anywhere. "Would you, perhaps, be their daughter? Elaine?"

Elaine nodded, "How do you know my name?' She questioned the woman, feeling comforted by her presence.

"I was friend's with them," She responded, "I lived here too, after I escaped from a very bad man."

"My parents are dead."

"Yes, I know. They were loved very much."

Elaine's eyes saddened as she brought the pot in front of her, staring down at its contents. "Did you know my brother?"

The woman looked down also, seeing the ashes that were inside of it. Not wanting to provoke the girl, she hid her anger behind sadness. "I did. He was a kind boy to me."

Elaine sniffled, "He was kind to me too." She said softly, her voice hushed with unshed tears. "My brother is dead."

"I know," The woman responded, gently taking the pot from Elaine and setting it on the ground in front of them. She took Elaine's small hands in her own, "He was loved too."

Elaine nodded her head, "He was." She looked away from the pot and at the woman, "But now I'm alone." She mumbled with her lip trembling.

"No, dear child, you are not alone." The woman said kindly, squeezing her hands; gently she raised them above the pot and her eyes flashed gold as a glow shout down from their joined hands to the ashes below.

A small bud grew from the ashes, slowly growing bigger until it was a small plant. Elaine gasped as her eyes shone with faint happiness, "Is it a flower?" She asked the woman, awed by the sight of it nestled in the ashes.

The woman smiled, "No. It is the bud of a rowan tree."

"Is that good?" Elaine asked, letting go of the woman to pick up the pot.

"Yes, it is. Where I come from, that's a sign of strength." The woman stated, rising from her crouched position as Elaine hugged it closer to herself.

"Where did you come from?" Elaine asked curiously, staring with an awed expression at the plant and gently poking it with her forefinger.

The woman smiled, glad that she had asked. "A place I call home," Elaine looked up at her with wide, hopeful eyes. "Would you like to see it?"

Elaine gently nodded her head, not removing her eyes from the woman's face.

The woman's smile widened and she took the child's hand, "Good, you'll love it there." She told Elaine, leading her away from the ruined house; the plant held close in the girl's arms. The woman looked down at Elaine as they started on their long journey, "My name is Nimueh, I'm going to be your family now."

So yeah, still not sure if the flashback was too much...? Personally, I'm good with it like maybe I'm just really desensitized{too many videogames probably} or have no soul... The only thing that I made me mad is Phillip, because I really love him. The character is hugely based off of my brother so it was really hard writing his death... Like they even share the same name, it was hard for me. Was is hard to read? Or were you guys indifferent? Did you pity him? How'd you like young Arthur? Notice any parallels? *hint hint*