A/N:
1) Set the morning after Tony's birthday.
2)Thanks for reviews and encouragement goes to: cara-tanaka, peppymint, Lokke, Autobot Firekat, KiwisS, diane, Hhay, ObeyTheFluff, Alex, and bermellon. As usual. I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.
Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.
3) Thanks a million to Diane for the very in-depth review and the encouragement. I totally agree with your asessment of what basically breaks Loki, and that Rhodey's taking the Mark II to the military was crappy, though it's a tad more forgiveable in the book because we do see him realising he was wrong, and in the end, he decides that while he'll continue to use the suit (yeah, that's really no surprise) he will not take it back to the military:
"I've got a suit to hide and all kinds of superior officers I should tell lies to."
And of course there's Tony who (though his friends 95% of the time don't understand him) is actually very good at being able to look at things from their perspective, and not hold a grudge when they manage to hurt him, thinking they're doing the right thing.
4) Thanks a million to Alex for the very in-depth review and the encouragement. I'm in full agreement about Pepper, and I'm glad you think I'm managing to do her justice, since to me, she's got her hands full trying to keep the sharks at bay, and really not having a clue what's happening with Tony, and is cranky because she is understandably reaching her stress thershold - but not for a second because she does not care for Tony very much.
5) KiwisS, thanks a million for the encouragement. It's true this is not going to be slash (not b/c I have anything against it, but b/c I'm too fond of Tony/Pepper to change this). If it helps though, you got me thinking, and I've already mostly finished a sort-of sequel that does have Tony/Loki in the end (no smut btw, I just can't write it and don't care to either). I say sort-of since I still favor Tony/Pepper, but don't worry, I'll publish it after this story is complete.
6) Sorry again for the long wait again, I admit the last 24 hrs delay have been my fault entirely, since I ended up writing and publishing a horifically depressing Iron Man fic (Too Late), and by the time I was done, my eyes were too sore from crying to look at the screen. (No, please, don't give me the look, I'm sure anyone who reads it will agree it is THAT depressing) Alex, if you do happen to check it out, please don't come swinging till you read all 8 chapters...
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Morning comes, and finally Tony stirs. He reaches wearily to remove his helmet, but despite Loki's hopes that the rest of the armor will follow since using it is making the poisoning worse, Tony clearly is not about to bother removing anything else.
Loki leaves a drawn out mournful meow, a wordless sound which still manages to encompass the pain that is eating at him, and Tony gently strokes the back of a metal-clad hand across one of the cat's cheeks and down his side. He does not say anything, but the small broken forlorn smile that shows on his features is enough to speak volumes to Loki – a gesture of bittersweet gratitude because Loki is here with Tony when no-one else is.
Tony sighs, rubbing at his temple – an obvious reaction to the headache which Loki knows only too well is mostly from the poison in the mortal's blood, and only a little from a hangover – and looks out at the sky.
It seems that the sky is beckoning to Tony, and for a moment, Loki is certain Tony is going to fly somewhere, but then Tony looks back at him, and there is that broken smile again - this time infinitely more weary.
If cats could weep, Loki would, but this form cannot shed tears even though inside, his heart is breaking. He cannot bear to see the loneliness in Tony's eyes, or worst of all the resignation to his end. The armor is cold on the outside, and Loki finds himself wishing he could feel the warmth of Tony's body – the reminder that Tony is still living, still with him even if for a day.
Loki stretches up, bracing his front paws against the armor on Tony's chest, letting his own body cover the light on the mortal's chest that is killing him while it holds him in life. He buries his face against Tony's neck, desperate to forget his pain in the warmth of this contact, even though with each passing second the throbbing ache within him grows deeper, because this close to Tony's skin, he can smell the bitter metallic scent of the Palladium that now completely overpowers Tony's scent.
Tony raises one armored arm to let Loki perch comfortably on it, idly running feather-light caresses through his fur with the other hand, and with the improved leverage, Loki leans closer. He can now feel the blood flowing under Tony's skin, and hear each breath clearly, yet even now, his heart shatters a little more each second because each breath and each beat of Tony's heart is a little more ragged… a little weaker.
Through a mind clouded with grief, Loki vaguely wonders what is the point of loving when it can become this self-destructive – why he chooses to stay here by Tony's side to the bitter end instead of sparing himself the pain…. and though ultimately he cannot find a practical answer, he realizes that he does not need one. Tony needs him, now more than ever – and that is enough for him.
For the first time in his adult life, Loki feels truly loved, needed, trusted. He has in this moment everything he ever wanted, yet he also realizes for the first time that if he could give it all up in exchange for Tony's life, he'd make the trade.
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