Was he dead? No, that would mean Pepper was dead too, but Pepper had said he had killed Harley so how could he be there then? Oh God, how could he have done that? He must've been so out of it he couldn't even tell his own name. Pepper looked slightly more tired and exhausted than normal, but still very much like an angel… so he was dead? He was dead.
"'m I dead?" Tony put on the most confusing look Pepper had ever seen, it was almost cute actually.
"No, Tony, you're here, I'm here and Harley's here, none of us are dead." She smiled gently and stroke a few straws of hair away from his face.
Something in Tony wouldn't believe her. Her beautiful, soft smile, the flowing, red hair and the warmth of her body made him think he was definitely dead, he was lying in the lap of an angel. Then a shearing pain cut off the comforting presence he found himself in and he yelped in pain as he, once again, took hold of Pepper's shirt. Wasn't death supposed to have a certain lack of pain? Wasn't he supposed to feel like he was finally in peace? Well, this was some kind of peace he hadn't quite expected.
"Mom always yells at me to go and get the pills in the top shelf in our bathroom when I feel sick, it usually helps, wouldn't Tony like some of those?" Harley put his hand on Tony's trembling arm and looked at him with a frown.
Tony wished himself miles away. He still couldn't tell if he was alive or not, but Harley shouldn't see him in a state like that anyways. The problem was that he had no idea of how to cope with the pain, because one thing was getting some wounds and bruises from one of the thousand fights he had been in as Iron Man, another thing was being sent several meters through the sky, landing on tarmac and then being drained for all what he could call energy before he could even recall what had happened. He felt so useless and all he wanted to do was close his eyes and open them again when everything was better. He understood now that he was alive. Harley's touch wasn't actually welcomed, any touch from anyone was painful, both physically and psychically, but right now he needed to show that he wasn't all broken down and destroyed, no matter how false it was.
"Are you still sure you don't want any painkillers Tony?" Pepper asked softly and stroke her hand gently over his damp hair.
Tony quickly took the hand Harley was holding up to Pepper's and shoved hers away from his own head. They all went quiet for a bit, but eventually Tony tried to prop himself up towards the headboard of the bed, not without an embarrassing whimper to escape his mouth, but successfully. Finally sitting up straight, Pepper tried to help him getting more comfortable, but Tony just gave her an exasperated groan and carefully, but sternly, crossed his arms.
"Didn't I make m-my-self clear wh-en I s-s-said no?" Tony found it hard to get the words out straight without getting short of breath, something he didn't like at all, and he sounded like some sort of a monster when he spoke too.
Pepper nodded slowly and drew the oxygen mask up to his face again, only to Tony's big frustration. "Okay, okay" She said and smiled at him. "Harley, could you please be a saint and go get some water for Tony?" Harley was out of the room even before she had finished the question, eager to do anything that might help his friend.
Tony was still sitting with his arms crossed, his whole body language showing that he was sulking. And there he is, Pepper thought. He had probably had enough of the comfort and pity, so now he would just sit there until everyone thought of him as a normal person, not a patient. Still, Pepper could see what he was going through to keep his position upright. A little, silvery pearl of sweat rolled down his neck as he shifted slightly. Pepper had hoped that maybe, just maybe Tony had finally come to his senses and started to care about his own health, but she had been wrong about him before. The need of just shoving something that could stop his pain into his system somehow was intense, but his wish was hers to accept.
"Tony, if you are in p-" Tony held up his hand to stop Pepper from talking, then he took a good moment to collect himself before he opened his mouth.
"You… you told me… s-said he was de-ad." His words were barely understandable behind the oxygen mask and his broken voice, but he seemed angry, distressed.
"What?" Pepper didn't understand anything.
"Harley… dead?" Tony's eyes reddened for the umpteenth time as he looked hopefully at Pepper.
Suddenly it struck her, that event on the plane, when Tony had asked her about Harlan she had misinterpreted him. He had asked her about Harley and she had told him that he was dead, no, worse, she had told him that he had killed him. Not weird tears had been running freely down his cheeks.
"Good god Tony, I am so so so sorry. I though you… I didn't mean to scare you like that. I'll explain to you later, okay? When you're out of here." Apparently that was enough for Tony to settle with, because he didn't mention anything more of it.
"I… I-I want t-to go… home."
"Oh knock it off, you know you can't!" A mild irritation lay under Pepper's voice. How could he even change topic just like that?
The most pleading, childish look Pepper had ever seen appeared on Tony's face as he put his hands in a praying pose. His eyes slowly got more red, and then they started to fill up with water and get all glossy and cute. Pepper had learned not to give in though, and this was further over the line of childishness than she would accept. A brief smile passed her lips as she turned around so that her back was facing him, she couldn't anything to it but thinking he was cute. Cute or not, Tony Stark was Tony Stark and he was definitely himself again, also there were certain ways to handle him.
"Anthony Edward Stark, NO!" And just as she yelled at him, her poker face almost cracking into a whole grin with giggling and all because of his damn cuteness, Harley came into the room with a bottle of water.
Pepper could clearly see the confusion and shock upon his face, her sentence was brought totally out of context and it must've seen like she was just screaming at him on the top of her lungs. What a disaster it would be for the two of them to have a kid, it would become all broken down in the matter of seconds. Pepper took her hand to her brows and rubbed them with exasperation before she thanked Harley and gave the bottle to Tony. He lowered the mask slowly, a bit more uncertain of his own lungs this time, and then he just looked down at the bottle in his hands.
"I can't…" Tony sighed frustrated of the fact that he couldn't open the bottle by himself.
"Here, let me-" The bottle went down on the floor when Pepper tried to grab it, and she sent Tony a half confused half angry look. "Tony, you need help, deal with it." At that he went completely silent and sunk further down in the pillows.
It looked as if reality had finally gotten into him, the fact that his life had gone to ruins and that he needed help with getting new parts, fixing and building up again his castle of sassiness and control. This time Tony's eyes got filled up by real tears, and Harley must've seen it, because suddenly he was by Tony's side, forgetting all about Pepper's yelling.
"You know… know that… er… potato gun, I could use some help with it. I'm trying to make a Mark III, but there's this little thing I would like to add to it that I don't know how to do." Harley's eyes lit up, but they were sad all the same.
"Yeah… mhm… I-I could probably help." Tony swallowed hard and put up a brave smile for him.
Harley squeezed Tony's hand and sat down on the edge of his mattress. Pepper smiled because Tony didn't do anything about it, he let him sit there. And so they sat there discussing together for a little while before Pepper walked out. Twenty minutes passed, then another thirty and Pepper could see both boys smile and laugh a bit several times. It ended with Harley slowly sinking into one of the nearby chairs and falling asleep with his hand resting on Tony's mattress.
Every night was hell for Tony. The pain came in waves, leaving him hopelessly slumped against the pillows, purely out of exhaustion. Sometimes he would actually take off the mask to able to scream without getting to much air down his lungs at the same time. Most of all Pepper just wanted to put her hands to her ears and close all the noises of distress out of her mind, but she had to talk to him, soothe him, and listen to all his pleas.
"Make it stop, please… make it stop Pepper!" He half cried, half screamed several times.
The fact that he directly asked her, no, pleaded her to make it stop, made her stomach churn in guilt even though none of this was her fault. Or maybe it was? What if she'd never left him that night? What if she'd stayed with him and talked everything out, then he would've never gone out searching for her. Her hand slipped away from Tony at the thought of that very night. How would it be when they got out of here? The fact that he was now reduced to… this… didn't change the fact that he had killed someone with cold blood. Only there was this feeling swelling up inside of her, the urge to do something to those who harmed him this time, and it sort of excused him a little, but just a little, because she would never ever act out those things she thought of doing to them.
There were several times when Pepper had called for the nurses and their painkillers. On one occasion she had specifically asked for sedation, when Tony had pleaded and twisted so much that Pepper had to get away from him. When the nurses closed in on him with the syringes he would only jerk away, tremble and be totally impossible to handle, and so he would just be left to deal with the pain on his own.
Pepper had lost count of how many of these pain waves Tony had had, but this one had last much longer than the last ones, Pepper carefully eased back the oxygen mask again. Tony was so out of it he didn't even have the power to do that. A quick glance at the watch told her that this one had actually lasted for more than two hours, and it took her by surprise and pity filled her insides. Suddenly she wasn't sure if the pain wave was actually over or if Tony was just so exhausted he didn't have the power to do anything more about it. An even breath told her that it was probably over and that he was finally getting some rest. Maybe she could finally say that it was safe for the other guys to come back again, she had asked for Rhodey to take Harley outside or just out of hearing range, not only to shield Harley but actually Rhodey too. It must've been just as awful for him to see his friend like that. Everything Pepper prayed for was that this was the last pain wave he was to have, because she hated seeing him like that too, tortured by his own body. Her prayers were heard and it was the last pain wave he had that night, and there were no more the next night, or the night after. Tony actually got time to heal the next couple of weeks and Pepper almost felt like it was without warning that he, one month after the incident, sat in a wheelchair outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D building, ready to go home to New York. Tony had absolutely been himself for about five days now… a really really edgy and tiresome patient. Pepper wasn't quite sure, but she thought the doctor may have released him a bit earlier than first planned. It didn't matter much to her anyways, because he seemed so happy when he got to know that he was going home that she forgot all about it for a moment.
A doctor handed her a scheme behind Tony's back, full of exercises he should do to get back his muscles back and such. Also she got three bottles with pills he should take every day, but they both new he much likely would just leave them or refuse to take them.
After thanking everyone (Pepper did that part) they left, Pepper with fresh hope and Tony with a big, satisfied sigh.
"He's not going to be happy for this, all of you know that…" Steve said hesitatingly, genuine sadness filling his tired, murmuring voice.
The five avengers were once again seated around a table, this time without Nick Fury in either real person or as a hologram or anything like that. It was only them against the terrible fact that they had to clean up the mess they had made alone.
"Yes of course, and that's why we won't tell him anything before it's fixed. This isn't exactly what he needs right now." Barton sighed and shook his head.
Bruce had been sitting with his hands tugging at his hair all day, seemingly wanting to shut out the rest of them, trying to think about how he was going to clean up the mess he had made.
"This is all on me, let me deal with it on my own, and then you can make sure he won't notice." He mumbled, voice slightly strained after not talking for a good while.
"We did this together, Big Guy, and we're going to fix it together too, but I'm not quite sure trying to avoid telling Tony is the best thing for us to do. Listen, Pepper called me last night and said our great billionaire is out of bed and heading home, here, that's why I called for this meeting. He's healthy, almost one hundred percent, thinking clear and he would absolutely be able to deduce the fact that we destroyed his empire. Some of us are bad at lying." He coughed and said Clint's name under it, a sharp glance was shot his way and he put his hands up in surrender.
"But we don't know if he is well enough for us to tell him. His mental state may change when the environment changes." Bruce murmured softly with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"Did you not just say our friend was healthy?" Thor looked at Steve with a concerned look.
"Yes, but Bruce is right too… Maybe we should wait?"
"I'd say we wait a week or two, just to see how it goes, if he's ready to deal with such big news as they are." Everyone shot shocked glances at the red headed woman who was usually so straight forwards on everything. She shrugged it off, pretended she didn't notice. "I take it you agree then, but before we really settle with this plan we need to know how to keep the fact that none of his business or staff are running at the moment."
Pepper rolled Tony over to the couch as soon as they got into the apartment. There was something about it Pepper didn't quite like anymore, to many bad memories? So much had happened lately. Tony being sent into the wall and covered in glass so that he looked like a freaking unicorn glittering in the sun, the happening with the Avengers when they tried to save Manhattan and then there was the night when Pepper ran away. It was also very cold in the otherwise so nice and stylish apartment. She should've probably told Jarvis they came home, and just when she was about to greet him, he snapped the opportunity away from her.
"Hello again Sir, Madame, it is very good to see you again. I must have missed that you were going to…" Pepper thought it creepy that it suddenly seemed like Jarvis had feelings, that he seemed genuinely happy to see them and that he chewed his own words. "Apologies, Sir." He probably noticed that he wasn't at all looking like he had just been out for a while without telling where or when.
"Hey! Good to hear you too again Jarvis, I've actually missed you a bit to be honest" Tony waved his hand and shrugged Jarvis' apology off, slumping down at the white, soft couch.
Suddenly Pepper's telephone rang and Tony twitched slightly, but otherwise remained in his position, slung across the whole couch, offering no place to his girlfriend. She huffed at his legs and gave him a stern look before she sat down at the end of it and answered the call.
"Pepper Potts" She said clinically into the phone. "Oh, hi! No, no of course we didn't, absolutely not, in fact he didn't leave my mind before Tony started being an incredible douche bag about the wheelchair." Tony's leg earned a little slap so that he laughed and gave her a little kiss on her forehead.
"Yes, yes of course, can you just have him until tomorrow and then I'll pick him up? We need some time to settle down here… Sure, he's right here! Okay, good by then, take good care of him." She said hastily before she reached the phone over to Tony.
He never reached for it, or he tried, a half attempt. He only came halfway there and then his whole arm said no. He flexed his fingers a couple of times and sat up with his entire force, then he reached further after the telephone one more time, but he still couldn't take it. He just couldn't do it, and it frustrated him slightly, but what if it gave him shock?
A/N: So I said it would probably take some time, with everything happening right now. School is a right pain in the arse, I've lost track of all my homework, but I'm doing better than the average and that is because i take my time which means less time for writing fan fiction. There's actually not so many chapters left now, two i think... I am going to finish it no matter what, but it might just take some time. Thank you for being patient!