A/N:
1) Set after the final battle with Vanko and the Hammeroids, based on the assumption in the book that Rhodey is not going back to the military with the suit. Also the prank referred to at MIT did happen, sometime back in the 90s, look it up if you want.
Finally I apologize if Rhodey seems OOC here -I don't think he is since while he can be a real military hard-ass, he also got a soft side that we see a bit more in the first movie where he finds Tony in the desert, and again right after the Stane incident. Of course different actors, I know, but they're supposed to be the same character... Anyway, sorry if he is.
2)Sincere thanks for reviews and encouragement goes to: cara-tanaka, Ellie, Anon, PrettyPieceOfFlesh, StarkObsessed, Basia Orci, ScreamsOnScreen, KiwisS, and Syeliighr. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.
Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.
3) KiwisS, thanks a million for the the review, and please don't be sorry - I think we all here understand being otherwise engaged!
Anon, thanks a million to you too - and please, don't bite your lips, that's supposed to by my habit after all ;-)
4) sorry for the delay, I have family over for the holidays, still, and things are busy, but I'll update my stories again ASAP!
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Late the next evening, Loki is napping by Tony's side on the couch in the shop – which still looks like a disaster zone – and for once he is as sore and exhausted as the mortal, so he is more than a little annoyed when JARVIS awakens them with the information that Rhodey is inbound – still in the weaponized Mark II.
The annoyance he feels only grows further when Rhodey attempts to land through the launch tunnel that Tony routinely uses, but courtesy of the added bulk, gets wedged in the ceiling of the shop with only his feet hanging inside, which forces Tony to put back on his battered armor to attain the force needed to pull Rhodey the rest of the way through, along with a good portion of the ceiling.
Loki had mostly calmed down in regards to Rhodey's actions – at least to the extent that at this point he only wants to hurt him, not kill him – but as he watches Tony, his Tony, now out of the armor again but still injured and tired, working hard to remove the parts of the Mark II that are too battered or too modified for his own robotic assembly platform to manage, the anger and resentment wells back up inside him.
It is somewhat amusing when the faceplate comes off the Mark II and Loki can see Rhodey's shock as he takes in the latest damage to the shop which is followed by the natural question:
"What happened here?"
Usually Tony would deflect the question, but perhaps he is tired of doing so – or perhaps he's distracted enough by the challenge of removing jammed bolts from the back of the armor without injuring his friend – because he looks up momentarily to see what Rhodey is looking at and answers honestly – even casually, his words painfully clear despite the small screwdriver perched between his front teeth:
"Oh, that – well, the Palladium was killing me, and none of the known elements could replace it … so I had to synthesize a new one…. which I actually didn't think of until yesterday…. and it was not …..."
Even Loki misses the rest of Tony's words as he watches Rhodey react to the horrifying truth – as the man's body gives a violent jolt even though his armored limbs are held by various pieces of machinery – and his eyes widen in shock, pain and finally guilt.
He sees Rhodey open his mouth to speak as emotions cycle through him: shock, anger, guilt, loss, disbelief, among many others –and they are only too easy to see because he has no reason to hide them when Tony is still working behind him and cannot see his face. Finally he manages to grind out in an attempt at a flat tone that still cannot hide the abject terror lacing it:
"The palladium was killing you? That's what those marks on your neck were?... you were dying?"
It is the tone that makes Tony look up, and realize what he has so casually admitted to seconds earlier – but now he knows he cannot take it back, that even if he does Rhodey knows now and he cannot change it. Finally he sighs wearily, even as he tries to make light of the situation:
"Uh, yes…. but not anymore - I'm fine now….."
Before he can say anything else remotely assuring, Rhodey cuts in, his voice angry and hurt:
"Jesus, Tony – how long have you known?"
Tony sighs lightly, hesitates before deciding to go for the truth:
"About the palladium poisoning me? Two months…. about there being no possibility of replacing it? Three weeks."
Loki can only watch as the anger and hurt in Rhodey's expression melts away leaving only crushing guilt and regret, and the mortal says quietly, his tone still more horrified than anything:
"All this time you have been preparing for your death… the Expo, the stuff you've been donating – driving in Monaco… what was that – a last wish or that you didn't have much left to loose?"
This time Tony does not answer – but his silence says enough, and when after what feels like an eternity, Rhodey speaks again, his voice brittle:
"Your birthday party?"
Rhodey abruptly falls silent – before his voice can break – before he has to admit how much he hates himself for how he handled it now that he knows what Tony was having to suffer all alone – before the expression that is clearly written on his features which Tony who is still working behind him cannot see leaks into his tone – but Tony takes his silence for disapproval, after all he certainly has gotten enough of it from Rhodey recently, and he says quietly:
"It was going to be my last birthday – and I didn't want to think about the fact – didn't want to think about how little time I had left…. I did not want my entire life to be pointless at the end."
If possible the pain that shows on Rhodey's features deepens as the meaning of those words sinks in, and he can only say quietly, voicing the thoughts that are coalescing in his mind:
"That's why you wore the armor – it was sort of all you had left?"
Tony simply shrugs and does not respond as he moves to Rhodey's front while he busies himself with the removal of some dented leg armor and his expression becomes closed off again, but now everything has become only too painfully clear to Rhodey, and when he finally speaks again the fact that he is terrified of the answer is only too clear:
"How long did you have after that?"
Loki can see Tony weighing the options for what seems like forever, finally answering in a tone so casual it makes his chest ache:
"Two days, plus or minus."
Again Loki sees a violent tremor of visceral horror run through Rhodey as he looks down at Tony who is kneeling in front of him. It is only when Tony senses Rhodey's gaze and looks up that Rhodey says quietly, no longer able to hide the guilt and grief choking his tone:
"I would have never seen you after that day – never had the chance to apologize…. I'm so sorry."
Tony's answering small smile is sad, but genuine – perhaps because it is good to know that he would have truly been missed – and then it gives way to a more confident and wider one that is there for Rhodey's benefit as he says encouragingly:
"But you see, I solved the problem…. and besides, it's not your fault I decided to set a new record for drinking in public… I put you in that situation."
When Rhodey cuts in, stopping Tony, his tone is angry, but Loki knows it's more anger at himself than anyone else, and he finds he cannot hold it against the man:
"That was your fault, I agree, but it is my fault I didn't trust you enough, my fault I assumed that was just you setting a new record for irresponsibility when you deserve better…."
Rhodey takes a calming breath, studiously not looking at a clearly shocked Tony, finally finishing tiredly:
"… my fault I didn't see that you were hurting, that you were dealing with something terrible alone..."
Finally Tony stands, having removed the leg armor and says encouragingly, gently even, while he removes a few last screws from the chest-armor:
"Hey, hey – its okay, I didn't tell you, and I've never expected you to read minds – so … we're good."
And Loki cannot help but think of all the people in his life who had failed to be there for him in the ways he needed them most – cannot help but ask himself if blaming them for not seeing what to him was painfully obvious was not entirely fair – but he's still to tired to want to dwell on it, his head is still pounding from the day before, and he tiredly curls up on the end of the couch and simply watches.
Rhodey seems calmer now –until Tony walks around and tugs free the now disassembled shoulder and back armor, commenting in a joking tone:
"A big gun on the shoulder? Whatever happened to aesthetics?"
But for some reason Rhodey does not laughingly point out that modern warfare had very little indeed to do with aesthetics in general, and a tank is more than ample proof of the fact.
Instead he takes a deep breath, trying – and failing – to stop the tremors running though him, and it is only when the last of the armor is removed and Rhodey collapses forward, stopped from hitting the floor only by Tony who catches him, that Loki realizes he is witnessing what he can only guess is a full-blown panic attack, and thought he would have never expected this from Rhodey of all people, the next words that Rhodey whispers while he clings desperately to Tony make it understandable, because they are only too true:
"Goddamnit Tony, I almost killed you last night."
The words make anger flare up within Loki again, because he knows they are true – because he cares for Tony and does not want to forgive someone who risked his life after betraying his trust – but he can also see how shaken Rhodey is, and cannot find in himself the desire to hurt the mortal any more than he is already hurting himself, so he simply makes room on the couch for the two of them as Tony leads Rhodey over and sits down next to him, reassuring him that it is not true because Rhodey was not in control of the suit that was shooting at him – but that fact is hardly relevant to Rhodey who points out bitterly:
"But I was in it – because I took it from you – and with me there you would not return fire…. even when….."
He buries his face in his hands as he finishes miserably:
"You should have taken the shot, you could have…. when we were inside the dome… and I still don't know what terrified me more back there – that fact that you should have taken it and risked killing me, or the fact that I knew you wouldn't do it."
The silence that follows drags on for what seems like an eternity, until Tony reaches out and puts a bruised arm around Rhodey's shoulders, saying gently:
"Yeah, well, the way I see it, you saved my life – when you wouldn't give up looking for me despite the fact that everyone else had… so I owed you one."
Rhodey does not reply, but he does turn slightly to meet Tony's gaze, and is rewarded by a small genuine smile, which then widens almost mischievously as he says:
"Besides – if I let anything happen to you, who else would put up with my shit…. mostly?"
Rhodey looks down at those words, but Tony is not willing to let his friend sulk, and he bounces against Rhodey's side, jostling him back to the present, laughing as he says:
"You remember back at MIT the time we hid the door to the president's office?..."
Loki suddenly sits up, wanting to hear more – because after all, what does he like more than a good prank, but Tony does not elucidate further, he does not need to after all since Rhodey was right there with him, and Loki finds himself mildly disappointed, but he gets an idea of what they had done when Rhodey finally breaks into laughter despite the fact that he clearly did not want to, and gasps out between fits of laughter:
"You remember how many people kept going in circles trying to find the door…"
And then Tony is laughing too, and as minutes turn into hours while Tony and Rhodey drive away the dark clouds of hurt and guilt with the good memories they have shared, Loki can only look at Tony's expression – at features that in the moment seem ten years younger and unusually peaceful – and he too smiles internally.
Eventually Tony's thoughts return to the present, and he asks Rhodey why he came here instead of going to Edwards AFB, and when Rhodey tells Tony that he could not – that his official story was that the Mark II (or War Machine as the military called it) had been rigged to explode also, and that he and Tony had barely managed to get him out of it before that happened – Loki finds that perhaps he can forgive Rhodey – mostly anyway, and when Tony quietly thanks Rhodey for his choice, for the first time Loki is convinced that there are situations where forgiveness is the best option of all, and though he does not know if this applies to any of the failed relationships of his life, for the first time, considering the possibility does not feel like a foolish mistake.
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