A/N:
1) Apparently my muse is feeling reallllly flighty lately ... My deepest apologies for the long wait!
2)Sincere thanks for reviews, well wishes, and encouragement goes to: Auluna, Vitan, Rokkis, PrettyPieceOfFlesh, EternityInYourArms, Miravisu, cara-tanaka, peppymint, Sethis, Edna Pests, wordonawing, EbonyWing, Lancaeriel Peredhil, Touch of the Wind, StarkObsessed, Ynath Esrith, Aquaburst, Dianthia, PurpleMoon3, G.U.3.S.S, Dragons redemption, noukinav018, HKay, Just as it is, YuriShi, knightessjg, BlackWolf2013, Scyllaya, and Mimi MC. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.
Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.
3) As I usually forget to mention, I own nothing.
4) To anyone who hoped this would be longer, I apologize, though if it helps, I'm one of you..., I've been having some trouble getting the scenes that follow right, and have been beating on them for more than a week, finally deciding to publish this, and make the rest the next chapter as soon as I can just make it work!
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SHIELD's official investigation takes far longer than Loki expected, which results in a weary Pepper uncharacteristically heading to her own apartment for the night to get some much-needed rest, while upon their departure from the Stark mansion, they take Tony with them to debrief him.
Pacing does not help loosen the knot in his chest, so finally Loki perches on the sofa, waiting for Tony to come home, and for the inevitable revelation that he dreads more than he hopes for.
Eventually he doses off, and is awakened by JARVIS's voice as he welcomes the mortal back and is greeted in turn by Tony.
Looking up at the mortal, Loki notices that Tony looks far more tired than he usually does even at this hour, likely thanks to the stresses of the day, but perhaps more importantly he seems a little more anxious than his normal, and it is this anxiety that radiates from the mortal – though both well-controlled and justified – that makes the knot in Loki's chest constrict painfully as Tony comes to his side and runs a couple caresses through his fur before turning to go to his shop, wordlessly asking Loki to follow him.
For a few seconds Loki finds himself frozen by indecision – unsure whether he should be grateful that Tony seems willing to not push the matter or hurt that perhaps the choice is only given because now the mortal knows he is dangerous….. and then reminding himself that the only way to know is to go through with this, he leaps from the couch and trots after his mortal friend.
Any concerns Loki had harbored about Tony feeling unsafe around him at this point are washed away the moment the mortal and he are inside the shop. Tony confirms with JARVIS that they have complete privacy, and then – as has become custom for so long – he picks up Loki and carries him to the couch where he sets him on his lap and simply runs caresses through his fur.
Not knowing if he will ever have this level of trust and affection again from the mortal who has come to mean so much to him, Loki closes his eyes, savoring the perfect and yet so …. fragile…. moment, until his innate curiosity gets the better of him and he opens his eyes and turns to meet Tony's gaze…. looking for answers in the mortal's expression.
As if expecting this questioning gaze, Tony smiles softly at him, and despite the intense curiosity that is sparkling in the mortal's dark eyes, Loki can see that this is one of those precious open and heartfelt small smiles that are reserved for those Tony trusts most. Judging from Tony's heart-rate, and breathing Loki knows that the mortal is calm, and yet despite the fact that these signs should serve to reassure him, Loki cannot extinguish the aching doubt growing within him, as he thinks to himself: "Oh, Tony…. would you trust me so… if you knew what I am?"
In a tone that is laced with some wry amusement, and simultaneously disinterested enough that the mortal could have been discussing the weather, the mortal says, while staring out across the sea of machinery populating his shop:
"Well, it's more or less over – he won't be bothering us or anyone else for a very long time – and of course no-one believed any of his so-unoriginal ranting about a 'demonic cat' – especially since he was high on morphine when they finally did get him to testify…..
You know, I told them that liquid helium frost-burns hurt- personal experience on that one… and that trauma, painkillers, and embarrassment to boot can create some rather interesting hallucinations….. naturally they agreed."
Both the expression in the mortal's eyes when he turns to look at him and the gentle caresses that are being run through Loki's fur are meant to soothe him – but despite both he feels more tense than ever before in his life, perhaps because this once he truly has something to lose - and when Tony finally gets to voicing the question that just has to be eating at him even if in a roundabout way, Loki does not know whether he should feel relief or dread.
The mortal's tone is calm as he speaks, open…. yet also uncharacteristically hesitant, and Loki does not know what to make of it – does not know what currents are flowing beneath the surface - and is too close to the situation to trust his own guesses.
"Not long after I finally got home…. from Afghanistan, military intelligence interviewed me to inquire upon the circumstances of my escape, and in particular if it was connected somehow to rumors circulating among insurgents there about a metal man who shot fire from his hands….."
Tony sighs lightly before continuing, and Loki does not need to ask to know that Tony is thinking of the friend who he could not save back in that cave.
When the mortal speaks again, his voice is weary:
"At the time, I had not planned for anyone to know about me being Iron Man… It was simpler that way, safer too…. so I fabricated a story about my escape, told them it was more luck and timing than anything else… and that – as a weapons and robotics expert myself – it was my assessment that the rumors were impossible given the present state of the art."
Tony chuckles briefly, and adds wryly:
"It wasn't exactly a lie either, the things I build usually classify as exactly that."
Loki finds his gaze drawn inexorably to meet the mortal's as he hears the subtext in Tony's next calm words:
"Anyway…. regardless of what I said then, the truth is that the metal man…. was me."
Tony's gaze flickers to rest upon the first of the battered suits of armor on display across the room, and Loki recognizes the emotions that briefly flash through the mortal's eyes, the pride mixed in equal parts with sorrow and something akin to reverence.
He resolves that when he can, he will ask why…. but for the moment it is Tony's turn to ask the questions, and just as Loki expects, the mortal turns back to him with a slight enigmatic smile:
"So what about you, Loki?"
Loki sighs lightly. Tony knows already what he did –he has to. If not anything else, both the actions the mortal took to protect him earlier and this lengthy conversation prove as much…. and of course JARVIS who monitors everything in the house while he is active would have recorded it…. so why does it feel so hard to reveal a truth Tony already has to know?... and which truth should he reveal?
Settling for the easiest, perhaps, Loki turns away from Tony, casts a quick spell to cloak his use of magic - though he doubts he has indeed remained undetected after that first time – and taps again into the casket's power, letting loose a lethal freezing hiss at the bowl of unoffending green apples on the small table directly in front of him.
He almost expects to be pushed from the mortal's lap, but instead of being unnerved by what he has just witnessed, even if before he saw it in a recording, Tony only chuckles – and that is enough to startle Loki into looking at the mortal, only to shrink back slightly when he sees the luminous red of his own irises reflected in Tony's dark eyes.
Tony does not flinch though – whether because of a truly inexplicable lack of concern or because the mortal has nerves of steel, Loki does not know. Then the mortal looks closer, concern filling his features, and brings a slightly hesitant hand up to stroke Loki's cheek, saying softly:
"You're so cold."
Once that statement might have been a condemnation – but not here and now, not while Tony has pulled Loki snugly to his chest and is cradling him close.
Even as Loki relinquishes his temporary connection to the casket, and lets the manifestation of his Jotun form fade away, chased by the warmth of the mortal's touch, does he realize why Tony looked so concerned – and despite the anxiety eating at him, he cannot suppress the laugh that manifests as a purr. After all, this rapid of a drop in body-temperature in any warm-blooded Midgardian species would be a cause for concern, so naturally it is Tony's first instinct to be worried.
Despite that… this is too simple, too easy. Tony has to know by now that none of the usual considerations apply to his cat, and even if barring any knowledge to the contrary, the usual is a good start, the calm relieved expression that rests upon Tony's features when he feels that Loki's body is no-longer icy, the gentleness in the caresses that begin when Loki is released from being held tight against the mortal's warmth….. is too much – both to have wished for and to let himself believe, and though the mortal's touch no-longer feels hot as a flame, Loki vaults from the Tony's lap as if he has been burned.
Tony's voice stops him in his tracks, freezes him in indecision as he turns to look at the mortal's small but encouraging smile, even as the words echo hauntingly in his mind:
"It's okay, Loki."
Loki sighs again. He does not see himself as a monster, not anymore, yet he cannot imagine any reason why a mortal would not be terrified of him, and he does not want to lose a bond that has given him so much.
At the same time, a part of him wants to take the chance, to risk everything even for the hope of being loved and accepted for who he truly is, and perhaps since he already knows so many truths about Tony that the mortal would rather have remained hidden, he owes Tony the truth in return.
Taking a few calming breaths, Loki turns to meet the mortal's gaze, holding it as he reclaims his Aesir form- still clad in his armor sans helmet… and asks in a voice that is barely more than a whisper:
"Is it?"
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