Eight
Dean didn't stay at the club.
Instead, he decided to use the chance to spy on Roman instead. He knew his boyfriend was supposed to meet Jason at nine so he decided it would be best to be there at nine fifteen instead. When he arrived at O'Brien's, he hid behind a shrub wearing a black hoodie and a mask covering his nose and mouth.
Like a ninja, he thought with delight.
From what he could see, they obviously got along very well, laughing over who knew what. Jason reached over for Roman's hand and shook it and Dean gritted his teeth.
"Can I help you, Sir?"
He stiffened at the sound of the voice. Turning around slowly, he found a barista who was smiling at him. "What?" Dean asked.
"Would you like a table?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm just admiring your cafe."
"What?"
"What?"
"Sir, we don't allow loitering around our establishment."
"Establishment?" Dean repeated. "This is a freaking coffeehouse."
The barista didn't seemed too happy. "Yes but it serves good quality coffee."
"Does it? Can't beat Javawocky's coffee."
"Impossible."
"I dare you to go and try their coffee and come back and tell me that O'Brien's coffee is better."
"Well, I never!" The barista stalked off.
Dean smirked and focused back on Roman and Jason who were hugging now. Jason leaned over and whispered something in Roman's ear. In response, his boyfriend smiled endearingly at Jason.
What was this? He had seen enough and left the coffeehouse, miffed.
Friends? He thought not.
When Roman returned home, he found Dean smiling at him wryly. "Well," his boyfriend said as the Samoan man removed his coat. "Look who's home."
"Dean?" he said, hanging his on the hanger. "Aren't you supposed to be at the club?"
"Nope." Dean took a swig of his Jack Daniel's.
Now what was going on? Roman thought that they had parted ways at Asylum on good terms.
"How was your date?" Dean asked, his voice slurred.
"Dean, we're just friends meeting up. Didn't I tell you that just now? You were okay with it too."
"I was," his boyfriend agreed. "Until I saw you both holding hands and hugging… whispering sweet nothings in your ear."
It took a minute for him to realise what the auburn haired man meant. "Wait. What? You were there?"
"Ah ha! You admit it!"
"Dean Ambrose, were you spying on me?"
Dean's eyes shifted. "Nope."
To say he was disappointed was an understatement. "How could you, Dean? Don't you trust me?"
"I trust you. It's your boyfriend that I don't trust."
"You're my boyfriend, silly."
"That's what I had thought. Until I saw you both at O'Brien's."
Roman shook his head. Of all the illogical and irrational things Dean had done, this was the worst. "I'm going to bed."
Talking more would only lead to an argument.
Dean blocked him before he could take a step. "Oh no you're not." He pushed Roman on the couch and laid on top of him. Roman's breath hitched then as Dean's hands roamed on his body. "I wanna make love, Roman."
"Not when you're in this condition, Dean."
The auburn haired man pouted. "Why not? Aren't you attracted to me? You're never attracted to me. I tell you how beautiful you are all the time but you don't say a word about me."
"Dean, obviously I think you're-"
"Maybe we're not meant to be." His boyfriend sounded defeated and tried to roll off him then.
Roman held him in place. "I never want to hear you say such a thing ever again," he informed Dean. "Do you hear me?"
"Nope," the rock star hiccuped.
Roman groaned inwardly. Dean was not in the condition to communicate nor comprehend what was going on. He was starting to wonder how much he had drank.
"Dean," he began but his boyfriend's snoring told him otherwise.
Roman sighed as he held Dean close, running a hand down his back.
They'd have to have a talk about his insecurities before he did something even more insane.
By the time Jimmy's party came about on Saturday, Dean could feel anticipation coursing through him. There was a sinking feeling at the bottom of his stomach which he could not ignore for the entire week.
Even after Roman's assurances earlier that Monday.
He had tried to avoid Roman's questioning about his spying the other day at O'Brien's, choosing to hang out at Asylum more.
By the time he came back, Roman would be sound asleep.
"You ready?" his boyfriend asked.
Dean nodded. He was wearing his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt and black denim jeans while Roman wore a pale blue shirt over dark blue denim jeans.
"Can I kiss you?" For some reason, he could not shake off the feeling.
Roman smiled warmly. "Can you?"
They pressed their lips together with Dean's arms hooked over Roman's neck. When they pulled apart, Dean still had the sinking feeling.
Jason and Jimmy's house was similar to their home but they had a smaller lawn. There were quite a number of people there. "Oh I invited the rest of your guys too," Roman informed as they walked up the stairs.
That surprised him. "When?"
"On Monday before I left. Jason said it was okay."
As if he had heard his name, Jason greeted them both at the stairs. "You guys made it!" He placed an arm around Roman and walking before he glanced at Dean. "Oh your friends are here."
Dean followed his gaze and found Corey and Seth chatting. They grinned widely when they saw him. "You guys started without me?" Dean said loudly as he walked up to them.
Seth laughed and handed him a bottle of Jack Daniel's. "I brought our own refreshments. These cocktails just don't fucking beat a Jack and a Coke."
"You said it," Dean replied taking a swig.
Corey lit up a cigarette. "I can't believe this. I feel like I'm at a grand soiree. Fuck I think we're underdressed, guys."
It was true, Dean agreed silently taking in the elegant decor of the place. The theme seemed to be white and gold with two buffet lines of assorted finger foods and cakes slices. There was even a bowl of birthday party favors of mini candle the word "Happy Birthday" printed on one side and "Jimmy's 30th" on the other.
"I'm going to be an asshole here," Seth said. "And tell you we have more in our banks than all these fake ass motherfuckers."
"How am I supposed to make love to Eva with a candle like that?" Corey wondered aloud.
Dean grinned. "You don't. Candles like these are for desperate times."
"Yeah," Seth added. "You're not desperate and neither is she."
"Good point," Corey said.
Suddenly someone yelled out. "Oh man! You guys are Steel Hounds!"
The three men turned their heads to find a blond man wearing a black t-shirt and cargo pants and a red haired man with long hair staring at them. Some of the party goers were following his gaze. "Yep," Seth, ever the attention seeker, affirmed. "Three thirds of us anyway."
"I love your music!" the blond said.
"Who doesn't?"
Dean nudged Seth softly before smiling at the fan. "Thank you. We're happy to meet you."
"Wow Dean," the redhead said. "I'm a huge fan."
"I'm James Ellsworth and this is Chase Silver," the blond introduced.
"Nice to meet you both." Corey shook both their hands. "We're always thrilled to meet our fans."
"How do you two know the host of this party?" Dean asked.
James smiled. "Oh Jason volunteers at the our animal shelter. He invited us."
This guy was more of a saint than Dean thought.
"Good grief," Seth said aloud. "Dean, no offense man but this guy is model citizen of the year."
Chase laughed. "Oh with Roman I think he's in for a competition."
That caught the auburn haired man's attention. "You know Roman?"
"Yeah. He's a real nice guy. Jason and him remind me of Turk and JD."
"Who?" Dean was puzzled.
"From Scrubs. They're best friends."
"It's what these guys call bromance," Corey explained. He could probably see Dean's worry; he always could before the rest of the guys.
"Well, you guys enjoy yourselves," Seth said, smiling. When the two men left, he excused himself to go to the washroom. Corey patted Dean on his back. "It's nothing, Dean," his best friend comforted him. "It's just a bromance."
Dean shook his head. "But it could escalate into more."
"Roman loves you. I doubt he loves Jason. And doesn't Jason have a boyfriend?"
"What's going to stop that saint from cheating? I'm beginning to think I have rotten luck with love. Surely there's someone out there for me."
"There is and he's that Samoan waiter you met at that coffeehouse."
Dean felt arms around his waist and knew it was Roman. "Having a good time?" his boyfriend asked when he turned around.
"Yeah." There was no need to emphasize.
But Roman wasn't buying it. "What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing happened," Dean replied.
"Dean, I know when you're holding back. Did someone say something?"
"Nope."
Roman gave up and excused himself to get them both a drink. Jimmy stopped by to thank them all for coming. Corey smiled and Seth, who had came back from the washroom, smirked.
"Of course. I made sure I would come to this party so that I could see you face to face," Dean said flirtatiously, leaning closer
"Woah Dean," Corey said, pulling him aside out of their friends' earshots. "Don't let Roman see you do that. It's disrespectful."
"He wouldn't notice," the auburn haired man countered. "I bet I can fuck that guy flat in the middle of this place and he wouldn't notice."
Roman returned with the two cocktail punch. "Here you go."
Dean took it and downed it. "There's no alcohol."
"The wine's at the other corner but I don't want you drinking a lot."
"Oh. Well I kind of guessed you would say that. Seth brought us some of our own refreshments."
"Dean," Roman pleaded.
"Okay, fine." He handed his bottle of Jack Daniel's to Corey who took it and walked towards Seth.
"Thank you."
"Yeah well. You should know I only did it for you."
"I know."
Roman went to join his friends leaving Dean with Corey and Seth.
Some other random people started to drop in and there were murmurs heard that the party was not lively. At some point, James came up to them. "Guys, can you perform something?" he pleaded.
Seth made a face. "No."
"Not our scene," Dean explained.
"You don't understand. The Executive Director of our animal shelter is here." Dean followed his gaze. A man wearing an Aerosmith t-shirt with spiked hair was talking to someone but Dean could tell his attention wasn't focused on the conversation and seemed elsewhere.
Corey shrugged. "I supposed you could sing, Dean. Seth and I brought our guitars because we thought of heading back to the club after this."
He made a face. "Core, what are we supposed to perform? This place is a hellhole." Then it hit him. "Okay. Wait I know. Let's perform Spinal Tap."
"Yes!" James cheered as Corey and Seth removed their guitars from their cases.
"Shouldn't we ask for permission though?" Dean asked. "I mean it's not our house; we can't just pick up and perform."
The Executive Director walked up to them and shook their hands. "Hi,' he greeted them. "Big fan of your band. I'm TJ Perkins."
"Nice to meet you," Corey said. "I'm Corey Graves and this is Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins."
TJ looked at Dean. "Roman's boyfriend."
"Yep. Wait-"
"He talks about you all the time. Well at least when I saw him the few times with Jason."
"Oh."
"Personally I can't stand parties like this. I'd rather be headbanging at a rock concert."
Dean grinned. "Oh we just came here for Roman's sake."
"I guessed as much," TJ said. "I'm only here because well Jason is eager to be a committee member and I thought I'd see how he has fun. Which well doesn't seem like much. I'd appreciate if you could play me a song or two."
"We'd love to," Seth immediately agreed. "We'll playing Hell Hole by Spinal Tap because this place is exactly that.. A hell hole."
The Executive Director laughed. "Can't argue with that. Give me a second." He clapped his hands. "Okay everyone," he announced to all the guests. "Thank you for the invitation. I'm sure we can agree some live music would be nice."
Jason's eyes bulged. "Uh… yes Mr Perkins. We have ummm… Dean's band here."
"Steel Hounds. Yes. So I requested for them to play a song or two which they graciously agreed to."
Dean went closer to Corey. "I'm not sure, Core," he whispered. "Jason might resent us even more."
"On what grounds?" his best friend whispered back. "We were requested to do this. It's not like we volunteered."
They turned their attention back to TJ who was just smiling at them. "Guys, it's on you."
Corey started to play the opening riffs of the song. Seth joined in a while later before Dean started to sing:
The window's dirty
The mattress stinks
This ain't no place to be a man
I ain't got no future
I ain't got no past
And I don't think I ever can
The floor is filthy
The walls are thin
The wind is howling in my face
The rats are peeling
I'm losing ground
Can't seem to join the human race
Yeah
I'm living in a hell hole
Don't want to stay in this hell hole
Don't want to die in this hell hole
Girl, get me out of this hell hole
I rode a jetstream
I hit the top
I'm eating steak and lobster tails
The sauna's drafty, hoo
The pool's too hot
The kitchen stinks of boiling snails
The taxman's coming
The butler quit
This ain't no way to be a man
I'm going back
To where I started
I'm flashing back into my pan
Yeah, that's what I'm doing
And why not?
It's better in a hell hole
You know where you stand in a hell hole
Folks lend a hand in a hell hole
Girl get me back to my hell hole
Seth started to play the solo for the song while Corey continued with the riffs. When they finished their parts, there was a thunderous applause from the guests. "You guys said it!" someone shouted.
"One more song!" someone - Dean couldn't tell who - added.
You know you're everything to me
And I could never see, the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do, I promise you my heart
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I dedicated my life to you
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together
I just can't live without you, and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
Corey and Seth played their rhythm and solos respectively, a tune that Dean's heart sang along to.
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
Wow, yeah I live my life for you
Dean could see Roman's eyes looking silvery. Was he tearing up? Great. Now he was going to make the lead singer cry too. He jumped off his chair and headed straight for his boyfriend, pulling him into a long kiss. The Samoan did not hesitate to kiss him back.
He could hear some Awws from the crowd.
"I live my life for you, babe," he whispered into Roman's ear.
The raven haired man hugged him tight. "Just like I live mine for you," Roman whispered back.
By ten thirty most of the guests had gone back. To Dean's surprise, TJ was still there, sitting at the dining table with Steel Hounds, Roman, Jason, Jimmy, Justin and Adam with birthday cake slices - some untouched - in front of them.
Seth was reminiscing on Steel Hounds' early start because of a question TJ had brought up. "We were there to make music and get noticed."
"All of us struggled working odd jobs," Dean added. "To support ourselves. There were many bands just trying to break through and we, like those bands, just wanted make a name for ourselves."
TJ leaned forward. "Don't you think you guys retired a little too early?"
Dean shrugged as he placed his hand in Roman's. "I can't answer for these guys but I think it's subjective. I'm happy with where I am."
Roman was helping Jason load the dishes in the dishwashing machine when Jason walked into the kitchen to throw away the cake. "Dean must really miss the road," his friend observed.
"Well, it'll take time but he'll settle in," Roman replied. He was still swooning from Dean's song inside.
"When someone repeats it often, Roman, they're actually trying to convince themselves."
He laughed. "Dean is not someone. He's strong willed and the last time I tried to get him back on the road, he was so mad at me so I think it's not a subject I'd rehash about with him."
"He was mad at you?"
Roman found himself smiling at the memory. "Punishing" Dean was fun. Maybe they ought to do it again. "Yeah. He thought I was trying to push him out of my life which is crazy. He means everything to me."
Jason shook his head. "You're a great guy, Roman."
"I'm not. I'm just being myself, that's all."
Dean walked outside the house to take a small swig of the mini Jack Daniel's bottle that Seth had snuck him. Not far from him was Jason chatting to Adam.
"Roman's such an amazing guy," he heard the nurse saying. "Kind of wish I had met him first."
Adam was nodding. "Yeah but that Ambrose guy did."
"He's not good for him. I can't imagine what they see in one another."
"Must be the sex."
Dean wanted to walk over and punch the lights out of both men but he decided to step into the dark shadow of the house instead.
"You really like him, huh?" Adam asked.
Jason nodded. "I do."
"Well with your luck, they may break up before you know it. This whole suburban domestic life is so not Ambrose and honestly, he's an embarrassment to our community. I think it's only a matter of time that Roman sees how suited you and him are for one another. I mean you guys are best friends now… you click so well. I wouldn't worry so much."
Dean swallowed hard. So it was true; Jason did have a thing for Roman. And it was only a matter of time before Roman would fall out of love with the rock star after getting sick of him and his inability to fit in.
Wasp was a group that did cover of songs from W.A.S.P and just like the original band, they threw pieces of raw meat at the audience who were disgusted.
"What the hell?" Seth gawked at the sight in front of him.
Dean chuckled. "At least we threw condoms."
"Exactly." He walked off towards Becky who was waving at him near the staff exit to the kitchen.
Roman, who had followed them after the party, raised his eyebrow. "Why throw condoms?"
"So when they came over to our apartment to have sex," Dean explained, "they'd bring protection."
"I must be hearing things."
"Nope. You heard me right."
"Everything was about sex all the time?" Roman smiled wryly. "You couldn't have had sex during dinner."
"I was sucked off a few times while I was drinking or eating."
"Lies, baby boy?"
"It's the truth. I swear!"
"And you thought it'd turn me off?"
Dean grinned. "Nah. You're not. Even if you were, you can't do anything about it."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Cuz you're mine now."
"I could always change my mind."
Dean frowned. Was that a hint? "Would you?"
Roman gave him a look. "Really, Dean?"
He decided to change the subject. "I knew Asylum would be big but I hadn't expected it to be this big."
"Well, it has Steel Hounds' branding. How can it not be big?"
"And it was all your idea," Dean credited the Samoan hunk before kissing him.
"Dean, what's wrong? And don't try to change the subject."
A blond with curly haired wearing just a vest stopped by them and looked at Dean. "Do you have five minutes? I'd like to suck your cock."
Roman's jaw had dropped. Dean was used to things like that, having men throw themselves at him especially after concerts but his boyfriend wasn't; Roman looked uncomfortable. "Nah I'll pass. But thanks."
The blond looked disappointed but went to hit on Seth next who brought him backstage.
"It's a norm," he reassured Roman. 'Don't worry about it."
"Dean, what's really bothering you? We need to talk. You've been avoiding talking to me."
"Because I don't want to talk about it, Roman. Ever think about that?"
"But if we don't talk, we're never going to resolve our problems."
"Okay, Roman. What problems do we have?"
"Your drinking and how you mistrust Jason."
"Fuck this," Dean replied taking a swig of his Jack Daniel's.
Roman was staring at him. "I'm appalled that you're doing this in front of me."
"And I'm appalled that you're appalled that I'm doing it. It's a club, Roman."
"Dean…" he said softly. "Please."
He groaned and put the bottle down. Roman with that look and tone always got into his head. "Honestly, Roman…"
"You have to consider the long term consequences."
"Such as?"
"Such as liver cirrhosis or liver cancer."
"I doubt it."
"You can't guarantee that, Dean."
"Well, maybe I'll be lucky."
"I love you too much to gamble on luck. So I'm pleading for you to try. You..."
Dean kept quiet as he tuned out what Roman was saying. Adam's words kept coming back to him.
He was starting to feel the walls closing in on him again. As much as he loved Roman, he had to be honest with himself: this was not his scene, not his lifestyle.
And it was only a matter of time before Roman would no longer be his boyfriend.
He had to prepare his heart for the worst.
He had to find an escape.
A/N Dean is all up in his emotions. And Jason… sketchy bloke. Thank you for the favorites/follows/reviews. I appreciate you taking time to read this story. :-)