Nine

"If you could go back and do it all over again, would you?"

Roman did a double take at Dean when he returned back from the gents.

It was close to eleven thirty and the party at Asylum was showing no signs of slowing down.

What was going on now? Why the random question?

"Do what?" he clarified.

"Meeting at the coffeehouse… us pursuing this relationship."

He did not like the question and what it could possibly lead to. "Yes. I'd do it all over again. Wouldn't you?"

Dean said nothing making Roman start to feel terrified. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" the Samoan man repeated. "Dean, what's wrong? Don't leave me alone in the dark trying to guess what the problem is. Talk to me. We've been together close to a year. Surely you can't be having second thoughts."

"But I am."

"Why? You know what? I'm going to call Jason and tell him that I'm not hanging out with him anymore. If that's what it takes for you to be yourself again…"

But Dean was shaking his head. "No, Roman. Don't."

"I will. I refuse to lose you over something like this."

"I just need a month away from here. I'll be okay then."

A month away? "We're going to Bel Air?"

"I'm going to Bel Air. You can stay here."

Alarm bells were going off in his head. "You're breaking up with me?"

"No. I'm just giving us space."

"I don't need space."

"To figure out what we want."

"I'm not what you want?" Roman felt his heart aching. "It took you this long to figure out that I'm not what you want?"

Dean looked remorseful. "No. Don't say that. I want you. I'll always want you."

"Then what do you need to figure out?"

"Look, Roman. Just give me this and stop asking me questions."

He couldn't believe how ridiculously stubborn Dean was being without giving him so much as a proper reason.

Slamming his hand on the bar counter in frustration, he excused himself to go outside for some fresh air.

What would it take to get Dean out of this funk he was in?

As Dean nursed his Corona near the bar, he felt someone pat his back. "Why the sad face?" Paul asked, sitting beside him.

"Roman and I are worlds apart," Dean said.

"Okay," his manager agreed. "So?"

"So we are not suited for one another."

"Because of that? Nah. Sometimes differences have the power to make you, not break you."

"Not this one. I mean I've always known he was a good person - a beautiful one - but I'm not. Paul, I'm an alcohol loving lead singer of a band. I mean look at this place. This is me. Roman doesn't fit in here. I don't fit in those things he attends. We're not going to make it."

"Dean," Paul said. "I know right now it's overwhelming to you and that's okay. You're slowly learning to adapt to this new life. But things aren't going to change because your boyfriend has a new best friend and doing all these uh… normal things. You gave it up for him. Remember that. He was more important to you than all those things on the road. But to say you aren't important to him… Dean, I think that'll break his heart. You know if you had said the word you wanted to go on tour, he'd be there to support you and maybe even follow you too."

"Tour…" Seth's suggestion was ringing in his head. "Maybe I should take up Antonio's offer."

Paul looked at him. "As your manager, I agree. As someone who cares about you, I suggest you talk it over with Roman first. Just making the decision without him will hurt you both. Trust me." He put his hand on Dean. "He's here."

"What?" He looked at Paul. "Who?"

"Your boyfriend." He patted Dean on his shoulder and disappeared into the crowd.

Dean turned around and found Roman walking near him, a determined look on his handsome face.

"Let's try this again," Roman said. "Dean, I love you. You know that, right?"

"Sometimes love isn't enough."

"Yes it is."

"No, Roman. It isn't. We were both naive to think this would work. You're a beautiful person and any guy would be lucky to have you-"

Roman's lips covered over his. Dean tried to push him away but his boyfriend held him tight. He felt himself drowning in his boyfriend's love as the Samoan man pressed his body closer against his.

No. Dean had to end this before they both got hurt even worse.

"Roman, no," he said. "We need to talk."

His boyfriend looked at him with concern. "Dean-"

"I'm going to take up Antonio's offer."

Roman looked surprised. "What? Why?"

"Because it's for the best. It's for the best for both of us."

"I'll follow you then."

"You belong back there with those people, Roman. I don't. I belong up on stage playing for the masses and living a life of pure debauchery. We…" He felt pained to continue, "We were never going to work out in the long run. Reality just caught up with us."

"So you are breaking up with me."

"I… I must. I have no choice. You can keep the house. I mean it's fully paid and all. I'll get the movers to pack up my things and you can go on with your life and maybe find someone more suitable for you." Someone like Jason.

His boyfriend stared at him for a bit.

Dean didn't know how else to end it so he got off his seat and walked towards the door. His legs felt shaky and honestly he didn't even know if it was the right decision though running seemed to be the better choice.

He'd have to go home and pack some clothes and maybe go to Bel Air and stay there for a bit until arrangements could be made.

He had just broken up with Roman.

How the hell was he supposed to move on when Roman was his life?

"Dean Jonathan Ambrose!"

He stopped walking on the way to his car when he heard that growl.

Roman was glaring at him as he came up to him. "What did you promise me?"

"I-"

"You promised that you wouldn't leave."

"I told you I don't trust promises."

"Oh no you don't, Dean," Roman countered. "I'm not letting you choose the easy way out."

How did he-

"You're mine and I'm yours, understand?"

"But-"

"You're not running away. I refuse to let you hide behind the bottle and your tour."

"How did you know?"

"I know you better than you think."

Dean couldn't argue with that. "Roman-"

"Get in the car and drive us home," he ordered, his voice low with anger. "Now."

He opened the door slowly and got in. Roman slammed his side a little hard.

"Ro-"

"Drive."

When they got home, Roman didn't say a word to him choosing instead to go to one of the spare bedrooms and slammed the door shut.

Dean flinched. Okay nothing to be upset about; his boyfriend or boy friend needed space. He walked slowly to the room and started to take off his jeans leaving him in his boxers.

Should he call Roman to come back to continue their conversation or give him space to let his anger dissipate?

He lied down on the bed and for the first time since they've been together, Roman and him went to bed without a word to one another.

Dean found it hard to get a good sleep that night, tossing and turning a majority of the hours.

When he woke up the next morning, he found the door of the spare bedroom had been opened and the bed made. Roman must have left for work.

He dragged his feet to the kitchen and found some waffles on a plate covered in cling film. The fact that Roman still cared about him made the auburn haired man feel down. Hadn't he been doing the right thing?

He was sparing the man his feelings.

"You okay, Roman?"

Roman nodded to Randy as he unboxed the carton of ketchup bottles at the front counter of Javawocky. "Yeah I am."

He bit back a yawn. He had a hard time sleeping last night. All he could think of was Dean's irrational decision.

His boss laughed. "No, you're not. I can tell when you aren't. What's the matter, Roman?"

"It's nothing."

"I'm not asking you this as your boss; I'm asking you this as your friend."

He looked up at Randy. "We're friends?"

"I'd like to think we are," Randy affirmed. "I keep to myself the way you keep to yourself but yes, Roman I do consider you a friend. So speak up. Is it about Dean?"

"Yeah. We had an argument."

Randy nodded. "Okay. You and me at the last booth. Now. You go there first. I'll bring you some coffee."

"But Randy-"

"That's an order."

Roman went to the back booth and sat down and three minutes later, Randy came with the two mugs of coffee. "Alright," his boss said. "What happened? Now that you've built a home together, I expected you two to be at it like rabbits."

"He wanted to break up with me," Roman admitted. "He said we wouldn't have worked out because we were two worlds apart. And that hurts, Randy. I love him."

"Was there something that triggered this?"

"I made fast friends with this nurse, Jason Jordan and his boyfriend, Jimmy. Dean seems to think that Jason is interested in me that way and that I would leave him because of Jason."

"Does Dean have any reason to believe that? It doesn't have to be from you, Roman. It could be from Jason that you didn't catch on yet."

"He has a hard time fitting into domestic life. Not that I expected him to."

Randy nodded. "To be honest, I didn't expect him to either. I mean Dean Ambrose and domesticity do not belong in the same sentence."

"He said he wanted to take up his ex record VP's proposal to be a solo artist. So I suggested I was going to go with him and he told me that I belonged with my friends and he belonged to the rock lifestyle and that we weren't going to work out… that reality had caught up with us."

That had been the part that hurt him. They were together for nearly a year. He had always known that normalcy never suited his boyfriend no matter how much he denied it. That was why he suggested the club.

Randy was shaking his head. "Nah. I can't think of two people who should be together more than the two of you. So here's what I want you to do. No overtime for you. Just go back and make up. You can't afford to stay mad at each other for a long time."

"Randy-"

"Listen to me, Roman. It's for the best."

"I gotta do something-"

"Okay. Sure you can do something for me. You know that the Patriots are playing next Sunday."

"Yeah?"

"Grab a beer with me. I usually watch it alone at the bar across the road but I don't mind watching it with a friend. That's all you need to do, okay?"

Roman smiled. Hanging out with Randy would be a nice change. Plus he had known Randy for a long time. "Yeah. Sure. That'd be great."

Roman was still mad at him. He had to be; not a single phone call or text message from him. What was he doing? Was he plotting revenge or was he pouring his heart out to Jason and.. Dean shook his head. Stop thinking about that, he reprimanded himself.

Besides, he deserved it after what happened.

He sat down on the bed and took out Dixie from his guitar case. Running his fingertips, across her strings, he gently started plucking on it and sang:

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you've gone away
You've gone away,
You don't feel me here anymore

The doorbell rang and Dean stopped strumming and put Dixie down. It couldn't be Roman. He still an hour to go before he was home.

Jason and Justin were at his front door and Dean was not too pleased. "Can I help you?"

"Is Roman at home?" he asked.

"Nope."

"Okay, Dean," Justin said. "It's obvious you don't like us and guess what? The feeling is mutual; we don't like you too."

"And you're here to tell me this?"

"We don't want your kind around here."

Dean laughed. "My kind? My kind doesn't even want to be here. See, at least we're honest people. Maybe a little too loud for your cookie cutter lifestyle and afternoon teas or tupperware parties or whatever it is you guys do but at least we're real. You hide behind your fake smiles and manicured lawns while you stuck your nose against people like us. And for the record, this house is only one fourth the size of my real home. It's like a fucking playroom. So don't come here thinking you can tell me to get out. I'm already moving out!"

"Well, that's good. You're nothing but a hanger on to Roman. You-"

He slammed the door in their faces. Who did these clowns think they were? He heard muffled voices outside the door and he gritted his teeth. They just couldn't shut up, could they? He swung the door open only to find Roman staring at both men, his handsome face unhappy.

"Apologise to him," he snapped at both Jason and Justin.

Dean's jaw dropped. Wait; what was going on? "Roman-"

"Apologise to him now."

Jason was the first. "Sorry, Dean."

"Yeah sorry," Justin mumbled.

At that both men quickly scurried off to a black Toyota car. Roman stared after the car even when it had driven off. Dean was in surprise. "Roman, what-"

His boyfriend entered the house.

Dean closed the door behind before proceeding to ask Roman, "How long have you been standing there?"

Roman shrugged. "Long enough to hear them tell you that they didn't want your kind here."

"You're home early."

"Is it true?" his boyfriend asked.

"Is what true?"

"That you're moving out?"

And Dean shook his head. "No."

He hadn't realised how much he had missed Roman's smile until he saw it on his boyfriend's face. "Good," Roman said. "Because you and I have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah we do," Dean agreed. "But before we do that, can you kiss me though? I didn't get my morning kiss."

"You missed me kissing you?"

Dean nodded and pulled his Samoan hunk towards him, intending to show him how much he did when his phone rang. He groaned. "What the heck?"

Roman laughed. "Answer the phone, baby boy."

He grumbled and switched it on. It was Corey. "What is it, Corey?" he asked. "It better be good."

"Dean?" Corey sounded frantic. "Paul's in the hospital!"

"What?!"

A/N Uh oh. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for the favorites/follows/reviews. I appreciate it :-)