Chapter Four
No no! go not to Lethe neither twist
Wolf's-bane tight-rooted for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss'd
By nightshade ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries
Nor let the beetle nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.
Ode on Melancholy (first stanza) by John Keats
It is late in the afternoon and school is out for the day. Even so the heat of the waning day causes the air to shimmer in the courtyard of the Lars' house. In the shade leaning against a wall, Obi-Wan cannot help the pride he feels. Luke, holding his green training saber erect, parries a bolt from the hovering training droid with a perfect Form I stance. Had he been at the Temple on Coruscant, Luke would have been in a saber class several years above his age mates.
The boy is covered in dust, his hair and tunic damp with sweat and his panting is louder than the hum of his blade. Obi-Wan knows Luke is tired and thirsty but he does not end the session yet. He wants the boy to learn to fight when his reserves are low because battles rarely take place when one is well rested. The droid swerves to the right and fires twice, Luke blocks the first bolt but is too slow for the second. It hits him in the upper thigh and he staggers slightly.
"Kriff," he swears quietly, glaring at the droid.
"Luke," Obi-Wan says sharply, though he is secretly amused. "What have I told you about using that word?"
"That I can't say it unless I'm dying. Or injured grievously." Luke stumbles over the large word and Obi-Wan coughs to hide his laughter.
"But Jabe and Varan say it when they get hurt," the boy protests, mentioning two of the men in the militia that the boy admires.
"Jabe is twenty three years old and Varan is twenty eight years old, you Padawan, are seven— "
"Seven and a half!" the boy interrupts.
"Seven and a half years old," he continues as if Luke had not spoken. "When you are their age you can–" Obi-Wan is interrupted again, this time by the training droid.
The hovering sphere has used the boy's distraction with their conversation to swoop in close and fires several volleys, none of which the boy is prepared to block. Luke cries out, in frustration as much as in pain. Then, faster than Obi-Wan can react, the boy reaches out with his hand and with the Force grips the training droid. With a surge of anger that Obi-Wan can feel through their bond, Luke crushes the droid.
It falls to the sandy ground with a crunch of broken metal.
Luke looks at Obi-Wan, face stricken. In their bond he is a whirlwind of emotion: fear, satisfaction, regret, surprise, all suffused with lingering anger. Obi-Wan manages to halt his first reaction to chastise the child for his anger and improper use of the Force. He schools his features neutral as he calls upon the years of experience he had as the Negotiator. The air is tense for several moments before Obi-Wan sighs.
"Come here, youngling."
Luke comes slowly dragging his feet, eyes downcast. Obi-Wan goes down on one knee so he is at eye level with the boy.
"Why did you do that?" he asks softly.
"'Cause I was angry," Luke will still not meet his eyes.
"Why?"
"'Cause that stupid thing was hurting me!" The boy's eyes are full of tears as he glares at Obi-Wan.
"There is nothing wrong with being angry, youngling. It is what you do with your anger that matters. What if," he nods at the fallen droid which is sparking, "What if that had been Biggs or Windy?"
Luke looks horrified.
"I'd never do that to my friends!"
"But they make you angry sometimes, don't they?"
The boy nods reluctantly, but he looks skeptical. Obi-Wan clenches his jaw. How to make the boy understand? He places his hand on the boys' shoulder and squeezes.
"Do you know why I am training you to use a lightsaber?"
"Because I am your apprentice."
"Yes, but why else?"
Luke is silent for a monument as he thinks. When he answers he voice is low as if he is not quite sure of himself.
"Because… you want me to learn to protect people… Like you do?"
"Yes. That is what it means to be a Jedi. We were the guardians of the Republic; it was our duty to…" he trails off because he can sense the boy still does not understand. Sighing softly he tries again.
"Luke, you… you and I are… special."
Luke nods.
"Because we can feel and use the Force, I know that."
"You are right but this also means is that we have a greater capacity to hurt people because of our abilities. One of the ways we protect people is by protecting them from ourselves. I have known those who swore, as you did, that they would never hurt their friends this way." Obi-Wan gestures sharply at the broken droid.
"Yet they did so anyway. Because they were angry."
He knows by the fear that he can see in Luke's eyes that he understands. Smiling grimly he pulls the boy in to a brief embrace. He then sends him off to take a shower and put his saber away, after informing Luke that he would be helping him repair the droid later this week.
As the suns set, he gathers up the pieces of the broken droid and wonders why had he had never explained such things to Anakin.