Ryuji Suguro had given up on hope. It only served to hurt him in the end and he couldn't bare to deal with any more heartache. A small, fleeting part of him had hoped that seeing Renzou again would make everything okay. Like it would be some sort of reset button and the last seven hellish years of his life would be undone. All he had wanted was to see his friend, to hear him crack a dumb joke, to even be called Bon again. It was such a silly little fantasy and when he had seen Renzou in that alley it had sent an entire shock of electricity through his body. That man was not his friend, not the boy he'd grown up with in Kyoto. It was a stranger trying to eek out a living in this new world, a stranger who would never be able to make Ryuji laugh or who would ever call him Bon. Kamiki couldn't see it, the mask the stranger was wearing was good enough to fool her. But Ryuji knew better. He could see through the false realities now, he'd learned his lesson.

He thought of their last day in Kyoto, after the final attack, the day Kamiki had convinced him that it would just be best to leave. She had helped him lift his father's body onto the pyre.

"I heard a rumour a few weeks ago," she said meekly. "Things are actually fairing better at True Cross than we could have expected. People actually go outside."

Bon remained quiet. He was focusing all his energy on his hands. Don't let them shake, don't let them shake. He kept his eyes focused on the distance, away from his father's face with the sunken eyes and blue lips. He kept them trained on the devastated shrine over Kamiki's shoulder, and then on the crumbled ruins of his home.

"It's important that we tell them Kyoto's fallen, Suguro."

The last thing his father had said to him drowned out Kamiki's words. It felt like the words had been twisted into his brain with a corkscrew. Demons can't kill hope, Ryuji. That's why we'll always win.

It was just another mask, to hide the fear even though Ryuji could see it in his father's eyes. In the span of forty-eight hours they had lost family and friends and home. All they had left was masks and Ryuji had even tried one on for his mother when she'd died in his arms. A mask of bravery, a mask that promised he wouldn't give up hope. He couldn't find the strength to wear any more, though, all his efforts went to steadying his hands.

"We can't stay here anymore, there's nothing left. We should've known on day one when Konekomaru..." Kamiki bit her tongue as Ryuji turned to her with dead, cold eyes.

"Don't."

"You need to stop living in some twisted fantasy where we can come back from this. There is nothing left, Suguro. Nothing. Not even any bodies left to burn."

"Shut your damn mouth."

"This temple has always been cursed."

Ryuji's lip pulled back in teeth-baring snarl as he raised his hand. Kamiki took the hit without flinching, her cheek turning bright red as the slap echoed around the grounds. She kept her face turned away as Ryuji's breathing gradually slowed and he eventually dropped his arm.

"Did that help at all?" She blinked the tears out of her eyes and raised her chin.

To his horror, Ryuji felt another mask fall off, one he didn't even know he'd been wearing.

"Kamiki, I don't know what I'm doing." He watched his father now, unable to take his eyes away this time. There was that ridiculous childlike hope again, that this was all a dream and that his father would sit up and tell Ryuji some stupid joke. But the longer he watched him the heavier the lump in his stomach grew. He hadn't even said goodbye because he'd been so sure that it was impossible for his father to die. His father was supposed to be eternal, someone who was always there for Ryuji even when his friends abandoned him.

"You're doing the best you can." Her fingers cautiously reached out for his and she held his hand tight. The sting of her cheek refused to subside.

"If we do go back to True Cross, my father lived." Ryuji turned to Kamiki. She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"And Kinzou rescued a bunch of children. He's taking care of them now." Ryuji had found Renzou's brother sliced clean in half two days ago, half his face missing.

"You want to lie to them?"

"And Miwa..." Ryuji gave a tiny, sad smile, "he had to stay to help out. Because he's so smart and tactical."

Konekomaru Miwa had died two months after they had arrived in Kyoto. He had made the tactical error of being Ryuji's friend and giving his life to save his mother. Before then he had made a difference and saved hundreds of lives. Ryuji remembered him like that, with a tired smile on his face, running around making sure everyone had enough to eat and was in good spirits. Miwa's broken glasses remained in Ryuji's pocket.

"I still don't understand." Kamiki released his hand as Ryuji pulled out a lighter and stepped towards his father's pyre. He clasped his hands together and murmured one last prayer as Kamiki bowed her head. After he lit the pyre it was a long while before either of them spoke.

"Kyoto remains strong. Everyone here is still alive, because as long as they are alive" -Ryuji watched the dark smoke billow into the sky- "then so is hope."

"Shima, you dumbass." Ryuji knelt down next to the puddle of blood at the doorway. Ahead of it was a long trail of crimson splotches that led down the street in a wavy path. He shook his head and stood up, looking back to Izumo who stood back with her arms crossed. Her forehead was creased with worry.

"He's gonna die out there. His wound isn't even remotely healed."

Ryuji gave her a blank stare. "What do you want me to do about it? It was his choice to leave and more importantly it was your choice to leave him unattended."

"What? Did you want me to tie him up?"

"It wouldn't have been the worst idea."

"I still trust my friends."

"They obviously don't trust you." Ryuji regretted the words before they even left his mouth and closed his eyes. "I didn't mean that."

"Just go find him." Izumo's voice cracked slightly as she turned away from the door and disappeared into the building.

Ryuji looked down at the blood again. It was like a dark twist on familiar childhood memories of Shima tracking mud through the temple and Ryuji hunting him down to lay down some much deserved justice. But whenever he found Shima, the little shit always had clean feet. Too clean, freshly washed, still soapy feet. Ryuji had called him out on it once.

"You cheated!" He had declared with puffed cheeks to match his puffed sense of self-righteousness.

"Cheated at what?" Shima had given that devilish grin, the one that admitted he'd been caught but would never be punished for lack of proof.

"Cheating fucker," Ryuji mumbled to himself, following the trail of blood.

The trail thinned out as Ryuji reached the remains of True Cross. It didn't bring back any melancholy memories like he'd expected it would. Maybe that was just the part of him that had grown up and put the past away, or maybe he'd just never had much of a past there worth remembering. Regardless, it was to be treated as enemy territory.

Inside the courtyard was surprisingly intact with green moss and ivy snaking up the walls and remaining trees. Ryuji kept out of sight as best he could, sticking to the side of the yard and creeping through the long shadows of the evening. For a scary moment the trail of blood seemed to stop all together, then Ryuji noticed something wet against his hand. He pulled it away from the wall and wiped the blood off on his pants. The crimson smear continued around through a collapse in the wall and the trail continued up to the old dorms where the Okumura brothers had lived. They couldn't possibly still be camped out it that building, it was too close to the gate. Then again, they had done far more foolish things in the past.

The lack of any kind of security system was more stressful to Ryuji than the thought of actually getting caught. Could it be that they were actually this lax? He huffed as he trod up the front steps calmly. Well if Rin was in charge, maybe this was what was bound to happen...

The front door slammed open and Ryuji dove into the bushes just as Shura Kirigakure blew past.

"Oh all the bullshit jobs to get saddled with during the apocalypse," she grumbled, fists clenched, as she passed Ryuji's hiding place. She'd left the door swinging open in her angry huff. This was just getting ridiculous but Ryuji wasn't about to let a perfect opportunity escape him. He crawled out of the bushes and up the steps to the door. Just as he reached for the doorknob he heard footsteps and scrambled backwards, collapsing into a thorny rose bush with a muffled grunt. Rin stepped through the door, a large book tucked under his arm. Ryuji watched him through the leaves, holding his breath as he lay on his back, just barely covered.

Luckily for Ryuji, he looked preoccupied as he wandered off down the path past the bushes. It was mildly concerning that in the pit of his stomach Ryuji wanted to call out to his past friend. It was surprisingly nice to see Rin again, despite everything. Maybe Kamiki was right and seven years had been more than enough time to mend at least a few wounds. That was a nice thought at least, but Ryuji didn't have time to waste on such frivolous thoughts.

Once inside the building, Ryuji crept quietly down the halls looking for some kind of sign of Shima. It was just like hide-and-go-seek again, without the giddy thrill. His heart was pounding and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Was he afraid of confronting Shima? He did feel betrayal and lingering anger of Shima's choice to stay behind, but maybe that was for the best too. That way he hadn't had to endure the same painful loss as Kamiki and Ryuji had.

"Bon?"

Ryuji halted suddenly and backtracked to an open door he'd passed while lost in thought. Shima was propped up on a makeshift bed, head cocked quizzically to the side. His frown dissipated into a smile when he saw Ryuji, but that faded too.

"I mean, Suguro. What are you doing here? Did you talk to Rin?" Shima leaned foward as Ryuji stepped into the room. He shut the door behind himself and raised a hand to silence Shima.

"You could have died, you dumb fuck. What were you thinking?" Ryuji was having trouble staying angry as a small, nagging part of him wanted nothing more than to hug Shima. He was all that was left from Kyoto, from that idealized past, from the most important years of Ryuji's life. There was nothing left to hang onto, but he couldn't even trust Shima anymore could he?

"Oh so you really do care." Shima wore that damned cocky grin then cleared his throat. "Is, uh, is Kami-Izumo, upset?"

"She was worried."

Ryuji crossed his arms.

"Well that makes me feel like shit." Shima placed a hand over his stomach. "Give her my thanks will you? Unless of course you plan on staying?"

"That depends, is Yukio still allowed to breathe?"

Shima rolled his eyes aggressively and shrugged. "Surprisingly, Rin still doesn't feel the need to kill his brother. Look, Suguro, I understand the hurt feelings but Yukio made a choice for family. It was either him or his brother and I know if I had to choose, I would sacrifice anything for my family."

Ryuji's heart stopped.

"The same goes for you and Konekomaru, I would give my life for you two. You're my family and we have to look out for each other." Shima's eyes cast downwards and he tugged at the thin blanket that covered his legs. "I've never forgiven myself for not going with you three, but I knew that as long as you were together and in Kyoto, things would be alright? I know I'm not the most reliable so it was for the best really, I suppose."

"What are you talking about?" Ryuji snapped. He'd started pacing around the room without even noticing and now he stopped and ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair. His stomach was churning, a vicious bile threatening to burn his throat.

"Remember when I dyed my hair and we thought for sure my parents were going to disown me? Even Kinzuo snorted his noodles up his nose when he saw." Shima squinted through his foggy memory as he looked at Ryuji; it looked odd with only one eye. "Then two days later you went and got all those damn piercings in your ears and that...that stupid hair."

He was searching for distractions, wasn't he? Ryuji's lips trembled as he bit the inside of his mouth so hard hot blood spread across his tongue.

"Kamiki told me how everyone is doing. About Kinzuo and Miwa and how your dad wanted to keep him around because he's so damn smart. I mean, I'd love to see the little guy again, but he's so much more useful back home." Shima gave Ryuji a sad smile.

"Renzou..." Ryuji sat down on the middle of the floor, hugging his legs and keeping his eyes fixed on his knees as tears welled. His heart was burning a hole through his chest. "Miwa died not even two months after we got back to Kyoto...he died trying to save my mother. It didn't even matter in the end. I lost...I lost both of them."

The voice that answered him was so small Ryuji barely heard it. "What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Tears cleared thin lines down his dirty cheeks. "We...I left because I was scared and I came back because I was scared." Ryuji looked up at Shima blearily. "My dad is dead, Renzou. Kyoto is gone, our home is gone, and nothing has ever scared me more."

Shima looked away, his voice hoarse. "My family?"
Ryuji shook his head and the two sat in a long silence.

"Bon," Shima whispered, "are you...are you okay?"

"Didn't you fucking hear me?" Ryuji's lip curled back in rage. "Everything is gone. Everyone is dead. I'm a damn coward and I couldn't tell you...I just couldn't."

There was a soft smacking sound as Shima's feet hit the floor. Ryuji stared at him in confusion as Shima winced, grasping at his abdomen as he dropped to his knees in front of Ryuji. Shima's forehead was beaded with sweat, his face twisted in pain, the corners of his eyes brimming with tears.

"But you came back."

"I lied." Ryuji hated himself.

Shima reached out a hand and placed it on his friend's shoulder. He squeezed it lightly and there was a warm flare in Ryuji's chest.

"Sugu-Bon. You came back. I missed you so much, you asshole." With as much strength as he could muster, Shima tugged Ryuji's limp body forward into an awkward, lopsided hug. "You're all I have left, Bon. Thank god you're here."

Ryuji realized that that warm feeling was familiar. His father had shown him that is existed when he'd refused give it up even when on his deathbed.

Demons can't kill hope, Ryuji. That's why we'll always win.

And for just a little longer, Ryuji Suguro was allowed to hold hope in his heart.