Welcome to the 'Nam(izawa)
Hi everyone. I noticed that this arc feels a bit similar Thnikkafan's Cries of Haruhi Suzumiya. I apologize if that's the case but my story goes to a very different direction. Please read his/her fic if you like. It's good! And if you like try reading my Higurashi Facts.
The Brigade and its three auxiliaries continued on their merry way. At first sight the village looked like a pastoral paradise.
"I could build a summer home here," Kunikida said, "It's a shame this town this town's notorious for murder."
"It's just like those slasher flicks, Kunikida. You get a peaceful village that turns out to be inhabited by nasty psychos," Haruhi shouted, "And the first victim would be… Mikuru!" She pounced on the helpless moe and grabbed her on the waist.
"EEEP!" She squeaked in fear.
"Please Haruhi, not Mikuru again. Her squeaks are so annoying," Kyon complained facepalmed.
"That's the essence of being moe," Haruhi replied.
Mikuru squeaked in anger since Kyon is not being her knight in shining armor again. Whatever, they have a job to do, however crazy and suicidal it may be. Marching into the town itself, the North High students were greeted by sight of the locals lounging around in the grass: a green-haired girl with nice knockers, two boys; one brown-haired and one blonde, a redheaded girl, and two little girls: one blue-haired and one blonde.
"Good morning, visitors. Who might you be?" asked the cute blue-haired girl. Kyon suddenly thought of Achakura, who is also blue-haired. The chibi lives with Yuki Nagato. And also of Kuyou Suou with that hairstyle.
"My name is Itsuki Koizumi and these are my colleaugues," Itsuki began, ever the diplomat, pointing to the rest of the group. The locals stood up.
"Colleagues?" the girl was perplexed.
"He's right!" Haruhi sprung out like a loose screw, "My name is Haruhi Suzumiya and we are the SOS Brigade!" she spread her arms with that stereotypical fanfare crap in the background.
"The SOS Brigade?" inquired the green-haired girl with a ponytail.
"That's right! It stand for 'Spreading Excitement all Over the World with the Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade'! And aside from the two of us," refering to herself and Koizumi, " I'll introduce you to the rest of the Brigade. The girl right behind me is Mikuru Asahina, fan service personified.
"Hi," Mikuru piped timidly in a way that would make fans scream in delight.
"The gray-haired girl is Yuki Nagato," she aimed her hand to the alien.
"It is a pleasure to meet you all in this fine day," Yuki said to the commitee with slightly upperclass British tone.
"And my slave, I mean, my main man, Kyon!" she fingered to their pack mule, who was close to collapsing.
"Hi... there," Kyon grunted with unsteady legs. Then he fell under the weight of his load with a loud crash! Clouds of dust erupted from where he stood. When it cleared, he looked he got crushed by a satellite. Kunikida and Taniguchi step in to help him up.
"These are our fine supporters. Tsuruya, Taniguchi and Kunikida." She pointed to the trio of people behind her and directly in front of Kyon. The playboy went behind Tsuruya before any of them had a glance of him.
"Hello, everyn'yan," Tsuruya cheered, waving her hand.
"Who might you be?" The goddess asked.
"We are the residents of the village of Hinamizawa," said the green-haired girl without any tone in her voice that said 'duh, Captain Obvious'. She'd make a great tour guide. "And we are a part of a special afterschool group."
"What's that?" Haruhi asked with a raised eyebrow.
The green-hair and the brunette boy jumped into the air, somersaulted from out of the sun and landed gracefully, spinning around like ballerinas until they stopped, "We are the Games Club!" After that came the chriping of cicadas. Right now would be the moment for Haruhi to say something blunt like how lame they are compared to the uberleet , cherry-on-top-of-the-cream-of-the-crop, SOS Brigade but she said nothing at all, probably by how ridiculous they are compared to them.
"The Games Club, huh? What do you do in this... 'Games Club'?'" She seemed incredulous but that doesn't mean she's not intereseted. Kyon remembered that she tried to perform a double hostile takeover, trying to merge the Supernatural Phenomenon Research Club and the Mystery Research Club into the brigade but they didn't meet her standards... because they're dead when they opened a suspicious-looking alien sac she asked them to examine. Whatever popped out of it killed them and Yuki has to replace them with clones.
"We just play games and stuff," replied the bluehaired girl. "And I think we didn't give you a proper introduction. My name is Rika Furude, the Racoon."
"I'm Mion Sonazaki, the club leader," said the green-hair.
"I'm Keiichi Maebara, the Magician of Words," said the brunette boy.
"I am Rena Ryuugu, Cute Mode," said the redhead, sounding so happy and innocent.
"My name is Satoshi Hojo," said the blonde boy, "And this is my little sister, Satoko, the Trapmaster." She patted the shoulder of the blonde girl.
"Meowth, that's right," said the girl winking with a thumbs-up, quoting an obvious reference. She noticed someone dressed in girl's summer uniform standing behind Tsuruya. She asked her, "Who's that behind you?"
Tsuruya looked behind, "Oh this guy, that's Taniguchi." But he went behind Kyon's stuff like a bat. Tsuruya turned to it and said "Come out, Taniguchi. Time to meet the people." No response.
"Come out of the closet, Tani-chan."
He replied, "No! I don't want anyone to see me like this."
"Come on, remember our bet. If you're gonna wear it, you're gonna let everyone see you wear it." Tsuruya replied, roughly pulling him out of the pile of luggage.
"But you didn't say anything about me going in public in this, it's not fair,"
"I say it is now so come out!" She pulled him out in full view of the Higurashi kids. Now he stands in front of them in, feeling like Bruno from the movie Bruno.
"Hello... I'm Taniguchi..." he managed smiling nervously with his hands behind his back.
"Wow, what a drag queen," Satoko commented.
"He looks so adorable! I'm taking him home!" Rena chimed in delight. Taniguchi couldn't take it anymore so he burst into tears and ran away.
"Hey, Taniguchi! Come back!" Tsuruya madly shrieked as she chased him down the road.
"Wow. He looks like Natsuru Seno from Kampfer minus the genderbend," noted Keiichi, "What kind of bet are they talking about?"
Itsuki provided the answer, "They played poker to see who's better. If he wins, Miss Tsuruya would have to dance like a French lady in front of him. If she wins... we just knew it right now..." He couldn't help thinking how funny it turned out. Better him than me, he thought.
"So what brings you here? Is it for the festival?" Mion asked.
"More than that! We are here to investigate the mystery murders and disappearances of this village!" Haruhi replied. The residents gave them odd looks while the rest of the North High students felt like their lives drained out of them.
"'Murder' you say?" Mion asked, not believing her ears.
"Uh, huh!" Haruhi cried like an excited child. Kyon's face turned red with embarassment and so is Mikuru's and Kunikida's but Itsuki kept his smile and Yuki remained unmoved.
Keiichi thought, fucking tourists!
"Forgive Miss Suzumiya's brashness," Itsuki said, being the de facto envoy of the Brigade. "The mission statement of the SOS Brigade is to seek out mysteries of the world, specifically to search out for aliens, time travelers and esper."
"Well, if that's the case, why are all of you trying to investigate a murder? You probably saw too many late night CSI reruns and Scooby-Doo." Mion said with her arms crossed, obviously not happy with what Haruhi said.
"It's an extracurricular activity that our leader came up with to hone our skills and awareness," The esper replied, "And I'm sorry if we are insensitive in our words. I know you people have been getting a lot of bad press lately, especially with the vanishment of a British tourist from last year."
Mion stood down a bit, "Gee, I guess you're right I think we got off on the wrong foot. We'll show all around the village."
"I agree. I have to ask Miss Suzumiya first, though." He turned to Haruhi, who was pouting as usual. "Haruhi, do you concur?"
"Why, Itsuki?" She moaned.
"We don't want to offend our host. This is their home, after all." He reminded her.
"Oh alright," she sighed, "I agree." She finally yielded, which is a rare moment since she would only do that with hard persuasion from Kyon, who was standing shakily form the pile of gear he carried.
"Come on, everyone," Rena said, "We do welcome strangers here. One of them is Keiichi here."
"Yeah, I've been here for two years," Keiichi proudly confimed. Haruhi looked at him.
"If you're the Magician of words, prove it?" she dared.
Keiichi swept back his hair and did a little frown and the best Clark Gable impression you ever knew, and said in the smoothest voice you'll ever hear, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Everyone was stunned by his impression and they all clapped.
"Whoa! I can't belive it!" Haruhi exclaimed.
Mikuru clapped very hard. Yuki shouted in a rare display of emotion, "Bravissimo!"
"That's enough for now," Mion said, "We've got tour to do."
"Roger that!" Haruhi chimed, "After that let's discuss merger..." Obviously, Haruhi wants to merge the Games Club with her Brigade but enough of that. Kyon, who finally got his strength back, turned on his Ipod and tuned in to Rolling Stone's Satisfaction.
I can't get know... Satisfaction...(ted-ded... tem-dem-deeeeem... ted-ded-dem-dem-dum)
Meanwhile, Tsuruya came back with Taniguchi literally on a leash and said, "Hey, where'd everybody go?" She then tugged the leash and the playboy reluctantly followed.
Along the way, Mion explained the history of the village and its inhabitants. Her family, Sonozakis; the Kimiyoshis, and Rika's family, Furudes, formed the Three Great Houses of Hinamizawa. She particularly explained the more sensitive parts of its history such as the Watanagashi Festival and its origins for now, with careful deliberation so as they do not become misunderstood. Mikuru, Tsuruya, Kunikida, cringed when she heard of ritual torture and sacrifice, Haruhi was agitated for the details which Mion refused to give, Yuki looked lifeless, Itsuki with his fake smile, and Kyon doesn't seem to give a damn at all. She also explained the dam controversy to them as well.
"...now you know why this place use to be named Onigafuchi." She explained.
"Now can we go to the shrine now-!" Haruhi shouted.
"Slow down, Miss Suzumiya," she said, "We still have to show you to some of the residents." They walked to a house near the Sonozaki estate, "This house belonged to Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who moved here fifteen years ago."
"When you say you welcome strangers, you weren't kidding," Kunikida exclaimed, "You actually welcome people of different nationalities too."
"Does that mean you welcome crossdressers too?" Tsuruya asked while Taniguchi slipped behind her in shame.
"Yes, we do. Especially if they're good-looking either way," Rena said. The playboy knew that he only fit half that category so his face turned redder.
"Is he from England?" Mikuru asked Mion.
"No, he's actually descended from Lithuanian aristocracy and lived both in France and the US. He's also the eight person to bear the name of Hannibal in his family so that would make him Count Hannibal Lecter VIII."
"I though he was British 'cause his name sounded like it," Mikuru said.
"Yeah but it's not. And that's not all," Mion added, "We have another foreign resident. Come with me." They arrived at a creepy house, which is quiet big. The trees around it are bare of leaves and full of cawing crows, the grass is overgrown. At the front is an anemic neon sign that said, 'BATE'S OVERLOOK INN.' Below is a 'NO VACANCY' sign where the 'no' flickered on and off.
"I assume business isn't booming for him, no pun intended," Itsuki noted.
"Yeah, we tried to tell him to relocate his business to Okonomiya but just wouldn't let go. He was capitalizing on the Hinamizawa experience." Mion explained.
"Obviously, he failed," Haruhi said with annoyance.
"How about you stay here?," asked a lanky man with an armful of groceries, "Cheap lodging for an overnighter and easy access to the village."
"Eeep!" Mikuru squeaked. The rest of the Brigade felt their hairs stand on end.
"Oh hello, Mr. Bates," Mion greeted cheerfully. She turned to the North High students, "Everyone, meet Norman Bates. He's from California."
"Hello," the visitors nervously replied in unison.
"Good afternoon, Mion-san," Norman Bates replied with a creepy smile that didn't disturbed the locals one bit but put the visitors on unease. "I came here to this village for the anonymity, uh, I mean, for the fresh air, sunshine and privacy."
"Uh... yeah... We understand that," Haruhi replied, forcing a smile. She couldn't help thinking that this guy looked like a serial killer.
"Does that mean you wanna stay at my lodge!" Bates asked like child hungry for his lollipop. She looked over to Mikuru, who was trembling with fear.
"Um...no. We could manage a walk here. It's g-great for walking... right, guys?" Haruhi said nervously as she told her friends, who are also shaking with dread.
"Oh no, how unfortunate. I was going to show you..." He moaned when he looked at a silhouette in one of the windows. It had the shape of an old lady. He dashed away and came back with a dress and a toilet brush. He cried, "Coming mother!"
The inn owner went back inside the house. There was silence. And Tsuruya finally said, "Weird guy..."
"Yeah, we know," Rena said. "He's also lonely too." The North High students had chills when she said that.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Mion said, "There's an American chef who specializes in soups. He comes here from Okonmiya during every Watanagashi festival to sell his soups."
"I'm guessing that guy," Kyon said, "is the Soup Nazi, right?"
"Yeah, although that was an exaggeration he got while living in America. He just made those rules in order to provide efficient service. He can be easily ticked off by bad customers, however."
"Whatever, we have business to do." Haruhi blurted, "Shall we move on?" Itsuki looked at the horizon and knew that it would be sundown within an hour.
"Haruhi, I think it's getting late." He said to Miss Tsundere. "We might have to come bakc to the hotel."
"Aw man!" She whined, "We've wasted too much time in this tour."
"Hey, chill, Miss Suzumiya," Mion said to her, "You all could come back here tomorrow. Besides, the festival is only ten days away if you want to attend." Haruhi sighed in frustration.
"Yeah, It's nice knowing you," She said with a frown and without her Genkiness, "We'll continue tomorrow." Everyone said their goodbyes to each other.
"Thank God it's over," Taniguchi cried tears of joy, knowing he wouldn't have to put up with wearing the sailor uniform the next day. Tsuruya playfull tugged his leash and he gladly moved on. As for the kids on the block...
"Wow, we've got yet another group of investigating wierdos in our hands yet again," Mion muttered.
"Every year we get people who come here to do goosehunts about the infamous murders of our village," Keiichi grumbled, knowing how annoying tourists are these days, "Just as annoying as watching Naruto filler episodes and the English dub of Tokyo Mew Mew."
"Me and Mion actually enjoyed the English dub," Rena said creepily.
"Jesus Christ, Rena!" The word magician screamed, "That sounded like total shit!"
"Gosh Keiichi," Satoko said, "Some people have their tastes you know."
"And all I could say is that the two of you have bad tastes indeed," He replied.
"Hey!" Mion blurted.
"Knock it off," Satoshi mediated, "We're all going off the subject." Silence from everyone except those damned cicadas. Then resumption.
"Yeah you're right," Mion said, "Back to our image and tourism problem."
"Oh yes,"Keiichi, "As I was saying, this perverse interest into our dark side is a little getting out of hand. Our latest casualty is a Frank Cotton from last year."
"You mean that creepy British tourist?" Satoshi asked.
"Yup. Last year, his disappearance caused such a shit storm that even Tony Blair paid a visist here and it caused the confiscation of all firearms from the Sonozaki armory. No one found his body apparently despite a massive search and rescue effort and no murder can be proven. Along the way, they found something about him that shocked the world all over-he's a sex and S&M addict."
"Eww, gross," Satoko muttered with disgust remembering the "fun times" with Shion during the previous cycle of violence which they only have recently broken.
"Yeah, that guy's a total sicko," Mion agreed shuddering about what kind of things that guy gets his jollies from.
"Yeah," Keiichi continued, "When the press broke news of his... jollies, the rave died down and things almost went back to normal. Not one of his relatives filed any charges. His kin apparently buried the hatchet since they never want to do anything with him and his... little secret."
"They probably did," Rena added, "... into his head."
"No bloody jokes, Rena," Rika scolded, "Our bloody past became well known throughout the world after that and we just have a group of visitors who came here just for that."
"Whatever," Mion blurted, "No one likes an S&M aficiando anyway." She then went on, "It's been a long day. See you guys tomorrow." Everyone else said their goodbyes. They all went home. Keiichi took out a picture labelled 'Comiket, December '09'. In it showed one of the happier times of the last year: he and his friends happily cosplaying during that Christmas. Keiichi as Lelouche Lampourage, Satoshi as Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club, Rena as Ritsu from K-On, Satoko as Seras Victoria from Hellsing, Rika as Ai Enma of Hell Girl, Mion as the Vocaloid Hatsune Miku, and Shion as Revy from Black Lagoon. Even Shion's bodyguard Kasai appeared in the pic as Half-Life's Gordon Freeman. Wait? Keiichi as Lelouche? A happier time in an otherwise infamous last year. As for Rena, Satoshi, Rika and Satoko...
"I'm making omelette tonight? What do you want it to be?" Satoshi asked the two little girls.
"Cheese," Satoko said.
"Potatoes," Rika said.
"Jalapeñoes," Rena said. Everyone turned to her.
"Jalapeoes, Rena?" The blonde boy asked, "Seriously, you want something spicy in your omelette?"
"Yes," she answered happily.
"But you don't live with us, Rena," Satoshi said.
"I know but I wanted to say it anyway 'cause jalapeños remind me of Oyashiro-sama's rage, which Mr. Cotton incurred during his visit here, and the eggs used remind me of what happened to his groin after that." She replied cheerily. They were nonplussed by her bubbly voice over something as morbid as that.
"You do realize that our guardian diety became known as Lord Jack or Lord Ripper in the West after last year, right?" Rika said.
"Yes," she replied "And I hope he's real 'cause he reminded me of your prick uncle Teppie. I hope his curse is real so he could get demoned away and burn in hell for all eternity." Then she laughed like a crazy yangire. It startled them for a few seconds.
"So.. you wanna copy my homework?" he finally asked offering his homework. Rena snapped out from her yangire self.
"Oh sure," She took it, "Bye, everyone." She happily skipped home.
"I hope she's okay," Satoshi said as they went home. Unknown to him and Satoko, Rika formed an ominous knowing grin and said to someone no one save herself can see.
"Did you hear that, Hanyuu? They're blaming you for Frank Cotton's disappearance." She said to her friend with a chuckle in an adult voice.
"Hau~ Hau~!" Hanyuu moaned. "He's so creepy. I don't like him one bit. Even if I can I won't take him 'cause he looked like a child molester."
"Have you found the culprit yet?" Rika demanded, her face looked serious.
"Not yet though," The horned little girl replied.
Damn, she thought as they went home for omelette for dinner.
"I think we should have tuna omelette tonight, Nipaah," Rika said to Satoshi.
"It's decided," he approved, "Tuna omelette it is."
"Just make sure you don't accidentally dropped a screw in it." Rika added under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing, nipah~"
"Oh, I thought you said something about dropping a screw in the tuna."
At the same time in a clearing...
"Those kids are hiding something alright," Haruhi declared to everyone, "It's probably related to those murders. Who knows what secrets are they covering up?" Her eyes sparkle with wonder.
"Uh, Haruhi," Kyon deadpanned, "We could worry about that when we get back to the hotel."
"But hell I will if I let them off my sight!" She retorted at Kyon, he was visibly startled.
"Can we go now?" Taniguchi whined swatting his exposed legs, "These mosquitoes are killing me."
"Quiet bitching, Tani!" Haruhi snapped. "I'm doing the talking here!" Taniguchi's ordeal is far from over. Now he has mosquitoes sucking his legs. And Tsuruya is enjoying his suffering.
"Miss Suzumiya, it's getting dark now," Mikuru pleaded, "We should go to the hotel and get some rest."
"Don't worry, Mikuru," she replied with a smile, "You're not far away from your grand murder headline." Mikuru cringed in fear.
"But given the fact that Kyon brought a lot of outdoor equipment here today," Itsuki noted, "Shouldn't we set up camp?"
"Yeah, Itsuki, you're right." She stroked her chin, then turned her her attention to Kyon and Taniguchi. She snapped at them, "Kyon! Taniguchi! Set up an OP here while the rest of us stay at the hotel!"
"You fuckin' nuts?" Kyon bitched. Taniguchi cried again.
"Do as I say or I'll nail your asses to the ground!"
Kunikida stepped in, "Excuse, Haruhi. Have you forgotten about our extra passengers?" Haruhi raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, Churuya and Achakura. Those two you're carrying in your bag so we wouldn't pay the extra bus fare?"
"That's right." Kunikida took his writhing backpack and opened it. Out of it came the two chibis, who came rushing out in the open in their cute little pace and mumbling nonsense. "They can set up camp for us."
"Really?" She asked skeptically, her arms crossed.
"Yes!" He replied, "They can set up this place in less five minutes. I can guarantee you that."
"All right, Kunikida, you have five minutes to set this place up..." Meanwhile, Kyon played the next Ipod song, Hello Vietnam. He then slowly drifted into something of his life that he never revealed to his friends.
South Vietnam, '68...
"Woods, he's here..." said Mr. Shades Bruce Willis to Alex Mason, who looked like and adult Kyon with facial hair. They both leave the tent and into the bustling Marine base of Khe Sanh. So much for the USMC kicking asses. Smoke, dust, purple haze, sun and heat is the order of the day and clearly, things are not looking good for the leathernecks as the NVA came all the way to party with them. And by 'party' means a great fireworks display is thrown at them followed by Zerg rushes of khaki-clad, AK47-waving commies complete with music, CCR's Fortunate Son.
Then a Huey came carrying Mason's best friend, Frank Woods, who came jumping of as though he's gonna see his sweetheart for the first time, "Mason!" Woods greeted.
"Woods!" Mason replied, "You look like hammered shit!" Clearly, he does.
"Looks don't count for shit the jungle. This is 'Nam, baby!" Apparently, soldiers in Vietnam don't take time to look themselves at the mirror. They don't care about good grooming.
"It's good to see ya."
"Yeah, you too..." Their friendship is not as far as you think it is. "Where's Kinkaid?" Mason asked.
"He's with Bowman," Woods replied.
"Jason Hudson - CIA -Thank you for your time, Sergeant." Greeted Mr. Shades saying his name for the first time. Is really his name? He's CIA, ya know.
Woods took one look and replied dryly, "Right..." Apparently, Hudson broke the rule about how looks don't count: it's okay to look dirty in Vietnam, it makes you real man, looking clean makes you look like you're planning a tea party with Liberace.
"I already briefed Mason of the situation broadly," Hudson said to Woods as he walked away. Clearly, he wants his affection.
"Let me feel in the blanks for you..." Mr. Hammered Crap replied. It said, Stay away from Mason's ass, you faggot!
"Good morning, Mason," greeted Viktor Reznov, the badass Russian mofo of World at War, "Here, we have sun, a relaxing tropical landscape and people to kill. But no vodka." He frowned over not having his favorite drink by his side.
"Agreed, but since we're gonna hunt those Soviet commies here, you can have a free case." Mason replied to Reznov.
"Da, I'm looking forward to it."
"Mason, you listenin' to me?" Woods asked.
"Oh, sorry, Woods, I'm just talking to my new best friend Reznov here," Mason replied to Woods, pointing to an empty space near him.
"Reznov?" The two other guys asked with eyes wide open.
"Yes, I met him back at Vorkuta. He's right next to me." He said happily.
"Uh... hold on a sec," Woods replied and took Hudson with him. He then looked at the Bruce Wills knock-off, "You didn't give him happy pills, did you?" He asked threateningly.
"No, I swear to God, something's wrong with him," Hudson protested in vain.
"Come here, you sonofabitch!" He dragged him to the nearest tent and soon, he was beating him up black and blue. Hudson screamed loudly like hell.
In the present day...
The chibis have finished setting up camp and Haruhi was satisfied by it. "Outstanding, Kunikida. I think we finally found something that you do well."
"Yes, Haruhi," Kunikida answered.
"You should be in the Brigade! You have potential!" She then turned to the two boys, "Kyon, Taniguchi! You're both fired. The chibis are promoted to first watch."
"Aye-aye, Haruhi!" They both replied.
"Disappear, scumbags!" She barked. They both went out of her sight.
She called out the chibis, "Ashakura and Churuya! Front and center!" They swiftly came in front with no seconds to spare. She told them, "You're both drawing perimeter watch tonight. I want you to keep this place so safe that even Aung San Suu Kyi would be proud to live in exile here!"
"Yes, Haruhi," the chibis cheeped and ran to the camp.
She then faced the rest of the Brigade, "Everyone, back to the hotel!" They all obeyed. They all marched back to the hotel in the dead of night.
"Hey, Itsuki. Given the fact Haruhi kept on shouting, shouldn't she have sore throat by now?" He asked.
"Don't worry you're pretty little head, Kyon," the esper cheerily replied, "she's God."
"Wow, God's got a hard-on for this town because they kill everything they see. She plays her games, we play ours. To show their appreciation for so much power, they keep heaven packed with fresh souls. In this case, ritually mutilated souls that looked a certain character from a Clive Barker novella, turned into a hit."
"Be serious, Kyon. Things are not as what they seem here. We should tread carefully-"
"Don't give me that cryptic warning bullshit, Koizumi," Kyon snapped, "Survival in the battlefield requires firsthand intelligence. And don't think that there's no means to obtain them."
"Hey, chill, bud," Itsuki tried to placate, "I know what you mean by that analogy but you're on a 'need to know' basis. We can't have something that can alter-"
"The fate of the universe?" Kyon scoffed, "You'd better flush out your head, Itsuki. This isn't about the fate of the universe, this is our asses we're talking about. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is 'poontang'."
"I understand but what do you mean by 'the means'?"
"That's classified but let's just say some British guy was given a free all-expense paid trip to Hongkong, forcefed some glass-flavored hard candy and had his jaw used for boxing practice." After that, Kyon walked on. Itsuki was stunned by Kyon's abruptness. He felt his spine chilled. Just like yesterday.
At the camp the chibis smiled with glee and reading a map in the tent. Churuya smiled evilly, "Operation Smochi is set to go."
Yesterday...
How many missions had I already taken? There were those six that I knew about for sure. Vivid enough to play their images in my face. But this time, it was a rescue mission and a fellow esper. That wasn't supposed to make any difference to me, but it did, Itsuki mused yet again as the Brigade departed from the train station. Shit... rescuing a man without backup in this place was like handing out speeding tickets in the Indy 500. I took the mission. What the hell else was I gonna do?
"What's that?" Haruhi asked Kyon, looking at the horizon.
"A traffic jam," he replied.
"What?" Tsuruya asked.
Itsuki repeated what Kyon said, "Traffic jam."
"Probably the early morning rush hour," Kunikida suggested.
"Everytime I looked at that something terrible happened," voiced Taniguchi. They walked on towards the jam. They stopped further and realize that it's a traffic accident.
"They're it is!" Shouted Kyon.
"The pollution will suck the air out of your damn lungs," commented Kunikida. They got closer and realized the extent of the damage. "Smoke! Secondary burning."
"Hey, Look, everybody," Mikuru said worriedly, "Police cars and ambulances. Lot's of them!"
"Let's have a look, Chief," Itsuki said to Haruhi. As they approached they see all sorts wrecked stuff including an overturned truck full of crabs. All around are people including injured victims, policemen, firemen and paramedics. Itsuki looked at one of the vehicles, a bus with a black-and-yellow shield with a horsehead. It bore the numbers 1/9. Koizumi realized whose bus it is. It was the Hard Wheel, First of Ninth Bus Line, our carriers to the village of Hinamizawa. But we were supposed to meet them at the terminal. Well, four wheels of fury. Those boys just couldn't stay put.
He looked around passing people who were being treated for injuries and policemen writing down witness testimonies about the accident. He asked a policeman, "Where can I find the driver?"
"He's taken to the hospital but the bus owner's coming," replied the copper over the noise. He walked around and saw a big bus coming. An employee of the line came to him
"That's the big boss is coming down." He said. No shit. He looked at the bus at it bore the same insignia as that of the 1st Cavalry Division that it was inspired from. The front of the bus had to two sabres crossed together and written below are 'DEATH ON WHEELS.' Out of it came the bus owner, Bill Kilgore. Ex-Lt. Colonel of the 1st Cav, who came to Japan when the war's over and naturalized as a citizen. He lead an average life until Tsuruya's family offered him to run their bus line. He did and it became one of the most efficient lines ever run in Japan, but not without its quirks. He also provide support to the Agency's activities.
"Get that big-assed truck away from here! Give me some room to breath!" He barked.
"Yes, sir." Said another employee. He called for a tow truck to move it out of the way.
Itsuki approached and said "Mr. Kilgore, sir? I'm Itsuki Koizumi. I carry priority papers from the Agency. I understand Tokyo has briefed on the requirements of my mission."
"What?" The ex-cavalry man was mildly suprised, "I haven't heard from Tokyo."
"Sir, you're supposed to provide us transport to Hinamizawa."
"We'll see what I can do! Just stay out of the way until it's done, Koizumi!" The colonel began surveying the damage done by the accident. As he looked at man who was injured and was about to give him a drink from his flask of Scotch when an employee came to inform him of something.
"Sir, I think one of those kids is Mikuru Asahina." He said.
"What? Are you sure?" He's now totally suprised as took away his flask away from the man begging for a drink. He came to the SOS Brigade. And asked Mikuru, "What's your name, ma'am?"
"I'm Mikuru Asahina," she said shyly.
"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya-," the Brigade chief said but she was ignored by Kilgore.
"The star of The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina?" He asked again.
"Yes?" She said.
"It's honor to meet you. Me and my boys laughed hard from your show..." Whatever, after that, they discussed about the mission's requirements and the next day, they got a bus for the trip.
We were being ferried down the road in a tour bus, a type of bus, pretty common sight on the roads. They said it was a good way to send agents without drawing lot of attention, especially since they denied my request for a heli transport. That was OK, I needed the air and the time. Only problem we wouldn't be alone. The trio with us are mostly spectators, people who don't share the rigors of our adventures with one foot in their graves. Tsuruya, our sponsor, is a happy go-lucky fanged ganja addict who insisted on being on the count that her family is a major supporter of the Agency. Taniguchi is a notorious indulger of pornographic material. You look at him and you'd believe everything I said. Kunikida, the chamaleon, is an average joe who was Kyon's best friend. The only thing not average about him is his all-to-suspicious average life story.
"There's two times of the year we can enter Hinamizawa. The festival and and the winter holiday. They're both hot. Not the best time of the year to approach the village." Said the bus driver.
"Don't worry 'bout it," Itsuki replied offering him a Twinkie, which the driver declined.
"I don't eat that stuff. You know I pulled a few espers here. Six months ago, I took a senior agent past the city of Gifu. He was a regular too. Heard he got his guts ripped out there," the driver continued on as he tuned in the radio for random J-pop. Itsuki never said anything but ate his Twinkie. He went back to the backseat, away from the sight of his friends, and took out the dossier he was given. At first, I thought they handed me the wrong mission. I couldn't believe they sent me that little rural hell to pick up Arakawa. The Dam War from five years ago, Frank Cotton, the annual murders and disappearances and of particular interest, the Sonozaki family. I heard his voice on the tape and it really put the hook in me but I couldn't connect the voice with Arakawa's predicament. He apparently was on one of the biggest cases the Organization was about crack. He returned from duty over there and presented a classified report to the higher ups. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them. I wonder what did he see on his first assignment?.
After that, Itsuki retired to his bed in the hotel. Kyokn, however, slept on the floor, not wanting to stay with the esper on the same bed.
Alex Mason and Jason Hudson are the main protagonists and playable characters of the upcoming FPS game, Call of Duty: Black Ops. The Hongkong comment of Kyon is a refence to the Black Ops level Numbers, which is bound to be more controversial than Modern Warfae 2's No Russian level. The Bate's Overlook Inn is a reference to both Pyscho andThe Shining. The missions Itsuki refers to are the episodes in the series where he played a significant role(, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 5, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 6, Mystérique Sign, Remote Island Syndrome Part 1 and 2)I wonder what's Mason's connection to Kyon? I'll try to write more. References to Hannibal and the Soup Nazi. Will Itsuki find the butler and solve the mystery? Find out on the next chapter... and the next one.
Read and review, people. I wanna know if what I wrote is totally crappy.