I left Stella's bedroom and made my way back downstairs. I hadn't felt so happy in what seemed like forever. It felt good to be back in my house spending time with my family. The circumstances were a bit different than I would like, but I was still thankful. It had been a rough couple of years. As I walked past the music room, or what used to be the music room, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. The guitar racks were all empty and the piano was gone. It was kinda weird to see it so empty. The various awards and pictures were still sitting on the shelves and up on the walls, but it no longer held the warmth. I frowned and continued down the hallway so I could find Selena and tell her I was going.
"Sel." I called out.
"I'm In here." She answered.
I followed the sound of her voice into the den. She was sitting on a couch in front of the fireplace drinking some coffee.
"Hey." I said quietly. She gave me a small smile.
"I've never heard that song before." She said.
"Umm, yeah it's a new one I've been working on. I didn't know you were listening."
"Sorry, I wasn't trying to be a creeper, when I heard you singing I just couldn't leave. It was beautiful Demi." She said quietly.
"Thanks...umm...I guess I should get going. I don't wanna impose..." I scratched the back of my head nervously.
"Demi. Come sit." She cut me off before I could continue.
I sat on the opposite end of the couch and positioned myself so that I was facing her.
"Can we talk?" She had a very serious expression on her face.
"Of course." I had to swallow a lump in my throat.
"Why did you do it?" Her voice was flat and strained.
I got up and headed toward the front of the house.
"I'm not going to do this again with you Sel." I said as I walked away.
"Dammit Demi! Stop. Don't you walk away from me." She yelled.
"Sel, I never touched her. Never!" My back was still turned.
"I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about the two before her!" She was crying now. My face went white and I couldn't breathe.
"You think I didn't know? Of course I knew Demi. That's why I left you. Not because you didn't do a damn thing with that last girl, it was because of the doubt you caused from the other two. I was your wife. I always knew."
I was speechless. I couldn't move.
"Turn around. I deserve to have you look me in my eyes. Look me in my eyes and lie to me."
I turned to face her. Her cheeks were tear stained and she was shaking.
"Sel, why are you doing this? Please don't." I was practically begging.
"I gave you all of me Demi. Why couldn't you do the same for me. Why wasn't I enough?!" She was sobbing.
I honestly didn't want to answer her. I wanted to leave. I knew she wasn't going to let me. I honestly had no excuse. I cheated twice while we were married. I had no idea she knew about it. I promised her that I would never put her through that. Our breakup when we were 17 was one of the toughest points in my life. I swore i'd never put her through it again. Unfortunately she believed me. I was lonely and constantly on the road. I started drinking and then I started cheating. I hated myself. I've continued to drink because of it. I hated lying to her.
"I didn't know how to tell you Sel. I knew that I would lose you forever and I couldn't take it. I hate myself for what I did."
And then it started. The sharp pain from her hand smacking into my face wasn't as shocking as her fists beating down on my chest. She was sobbing, screaming, and down right losing her mind. I pulled her into me crushing her against my chest, stopping the onslaught. She resisted before finally giving in. Her sobbing shaking her entire body. I felt her weight give out and I lowered her to the floor. She was clinging to me for dear life. I feel my throat constrict, this is my fault after all. I should feel guilty. After what feels like an eternity she separates herself from me.
"This was a mistake." She sniffles
I reached out and cupped her face in my hands. I made sure we were both making eye contact.
"Look at me Sel. I fucked up. I never deserved you. I am so sorry for hurting you. You are better than me. You always have been and always will be." I could feel the tears streaming down my face.
"My heart still hurts for you Demi...all the time." She choked out. "I don't know how to make it stop." She moved away from me and wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm still so desperately in love with you..." She whispered.
My heart nearly stopped beating. I knew that this moment would define me for the rest of my life. I also knew that I couldn't take advantage of her right now.
"Selena, I've never stopped loving you baby. I want you to know that. I don't know what to think or what I should right now. I just know that whatever I do will be wrong. I don't want to lose you. You're the best part of me Sel. Without you I'm nothing."
"I miss you so fucking much. I want to forgive you but I just don't know if I can." She took a deep breath.
"Have...you...been with anyon..." She fumbled.
"No." I cut her off immediately. "Not a single person." I looked her dead in the eyes. "I want you."
"Demi, I don't know what to do..." She whispered.
I did the only thing I could think of. I slid over to her and pulled her into my lap and just held her while she cried.