Baka to Tsundere no Naku Koro ni Part 3
All Cracked Up
All right, you guys, more insanity coming up. In order to stay with the spirit of shadow6543's Higurashi Abridged and Nyodude's,(now Zero-Q Dimension) Higurashi Parody Fandub, I took some of the puns and funny dialog in one form or another, which I secured permission with a long time ago. And thank God for Zero Q's Higurashi Irish Drinking Song.
Julia was amazed about what she saw. From the floor came a groaning disfigured face, looking like some eggs cooked into a terrible sunny-side up with its eyes, mouth, and nose disarranged in such a way that it looked like modern art piece- a reject from Andy Warhol thrown away by critics that is. At awe of the thing Julia finally spoke, "Frank..."
Frank heard that sweet voice and turned his eyes- on where both the mouse and left ear should have been- to the direction of the sound. He saw his angel. He said, "Julia..." A heart-warming scene would ensue but first he's got to come out of the floor. "I thought I would never see you again."
"Me too," she smiled jubilantly. "What brought you here in this... 'dump'? Clearly, she hates Hinamizawa, whom she considered as another shitty rural Asian village.
"Right now is not the time to talk about this." He said, "what I need you to do is help me."
"Help... you?" She did not know what he meant.
"Help get out of here," he replied. "I'm in hell."
'"I can't. I don't how to..." She didn't continue. She doesn't know if she can rip him out of there.
"Well, I could only move a little. Just wait for a sec, alright, love?" He then slowly and magically raised his heavily-mutilated body(indeed it was as he looked absolutely disgusting, so much that any graphic description would put this fic in the M rating), which looked like an icky badly-autopsied skeleton, feet first. Then his torso, chest and head. And he screamed epically as though as he woke up from his nap. Julia's mouth went wide open as she saw how disgusting Frank became.
"Jesus, Frank. What happened to you...?" She said, looking disgusted at his dripping skeleton.
"I know... I'm not exactly pretty to look at," he spoke with his mouth on the forehead, "but I can't stay like this. You can't let me stay like this. Please. You can't."
"What do you want me to do?" Julia asked.
"The blood brought me this far. I need more of the same. Or I'll slip back ... into their funland." Frank replied, obviously not liking the service given by the S&M bar he was through.
"Oh blast, I forgot my pita sandwich," said a voice outside.
"Shit," muttered Julia, "it's that impossibly blond pretty boy!"
"Quick, hide!" Frank ordered Then they both disappear as Satoshi came back in the to get a paper bag inside. After that, he went back out of the torture shack. Then they come out. He then said to her, "You have to heal me."
"Yes, I'll do it my love. I'll do it all for you." She replied happily. "Even if the world is against." Yes, clearly the world is against it, being in love with a mutilated living corpse of some S&M addict.
"I love you, Julia," Frank said from his forehead-mouth, "Now go hurry before they see you again." With that she left, knowing that there is a way to save her love after all.
Back at the swamp...
"What kind of fish do you fish here?" Itsuki asked Old Man Kimiyoshi.
"Oh, gay fish," he cheerily replied.
"Gay fish?" Tsuruya asked, not quite believing those words.
"Yes, gay fish," He explained, "found only in Onigafuchi Swamp."
They didn't answer for a while. Then Taniguchi asked, "So there's such a thing as gay fish?
"Yup."
Haruhi felt disturbed by all this so she asked, "So... what do you do to them when you catch them?"
"I prepare fishsticks out of them. They're my favorite."
"Do you like fishsticks?"
"Yeah."
"Do you like eating fishsticks? You know like finger-lickin' good."
"Of course, I put them in my mouth and savor them." He turned back to his fishing rod. Wow, there's such a thing like gay fish? Only in Hinamizawa, baby.
"Ookkkaaayy..." Haruhi replied as the old man went back to enjoy some quite fishing.
"So there's such thing as gay fish?" She asked Mion.
"Yup, they taste great." She replied excitedly.
Taniguchi thought, that guy must be a Kanye West fan. Rena said to them, "Did you try looking at Hinamizawa from the Overlook? It's got a great view of the town from there."
"Yeah," Keiichi joined in, "you can see everything from, especially with binoculars like Mion's bedroom." Then he felt his ears getting pinched.
"That's enough for you today, Keiichi," Mion scolded, "You're going to far with that."
"Oww, that hurts Mion," he muttered as she pulled him by the ear, "I only want to our guests some fanservice."
"Not with my body," she snapped, "if you're looking for that, you're gonna need Hatsune Miku."
"I can give you that," Haruhi jumped in, "I'll give you Mikuru!" She raised both her hands to the moe bimbo, who immediately whimpered in fright now that Haruhi will strip her again. Then Rika spoke.
"Miss Suzumiya, that's a little too much for poor Mikuru," she said, pitying Mikuru's hopeless lot.
"So what?" Haruhi pouted with her arms crossed, no one crosses the will of the goddess! Then Rena stepped in.
"Rena doesn't like what you're doing to Mikuru," she said creepily,"it's like prostitution."
"Whaddya mean?" Haruhi asked, eyebrows raised and a bit bothered by creepy Rena's cat-like eyes.
"Rena looked at a blog about the SOS Brigade. About how you do insane useless stuff and ruin other peoples' lives."
"And what's that?" she asked, trying to sound tough but really scared to death about this Rena girl.
"John Smith, Fuck you Haruhi," she replied. The blog was made by Kyon, who wanted to expose secrets and abuses such as Haruhi trying to sell Mikuru to the Taliban and confirming that Nova-6's chemical composition is the same as Hitler's fart.
"Really? Well, that blog is full of lies and slander aimed at destroying the the SOS Brigade!" she asserted, trying to protect her position. What she really meant was another blog called Slander Man.
"And tell me what is the SOS Brigade for?" she challenged.
"To solve the Hinamizawa murders you are covering up!"
"Okay, you're going too far, Miss Suzumiya," Mion warned, "we're trying to be very nice to you but you're taking everything to the edge."
"But didn't Rena started it?" Satoko asked. Just as she said that, Mion relented.
"Okay..."
"Ha!" Haruhi shouted triumphantly, "you don't got no shit on me now-!" Just as she said that, some loud grumbling noises startled them. Everyone was paralyzed with fear. "What's that?"
"I think those are the demons of Onigafuchi Marsh," Tsuruya shuddered, "I think we disturbed them with out noisy presence." She felt scared, knowing they'll come out to eat them.
"Nah," Yuki interjected, "that is our stomachs making an audio signal, indicating it's time to take in sustenance."
"Which means...?" Taniguchi asked, putting on his 'sexy' smile, causing glass to break and making cats scream.
"That we're hungry, you sex-addicted moron." She calmly said to him.
"Oh..." he replied after a few seconds, his face going sad.
"Which means," Keiichi announced, "picnic at the Overlook!" Sparkly stuff blinded everyone before returning to normal.
"That's a great idea, Keiichi," Rika agreed, "we can have lunch with scenic view of the entire village!" The Higurashi kids cheered.
"What do you think, Haruhi?" Itsuki asked her.
"That's a great idea!" she shouted, "Everyone, to the overlook!" They all jumped with joy. An old lady passed them by.
"you crazy kids and your trends," she said to them.
"You like it, don't you, grandma?" Keiichi said to her.
Tsuruya rushed to Mion, "Will there be smoked cheese?" She asked desperately.
"Sorry, I don't even know what that is," Mion apologized.
"Nyoron~," Tsuruya moaned, putting her fingers on her lips.
As for Kyon, he's feeling a little assy. Flashback...'
"Mason, where is the numbers station!" Shouted the electronic voice.
"What the fuck is the color of my underwear!" Mason retorted.*KZZZT* "ARRRGGGH!"
Reznov whispered, "All must die." Flashback ends...
Haruhi looked over at Kyon and noticed he was staring into space, about say a thousand yards. She snapped at him, "Hey Kyon, quite fantasizing about Mikuru and move your ass!"
"Yes... Miss Suzumiya," He replied a bit shakily as his mouth formed into a creepy smile which she ignored. They all marched to the overlook. While everyone is looking forward to scenic picnic, Kyon looks forward to something else. His mind screamed, Drop the bomb. Exterminate them All!.
While everyone walked to the Overlook, Haruhi and Kyon stayed behind. She slapped the insane smile from his real hard that it can be heard from space by Yuki's boss, the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. That took him back to reality hard. Haruhi announced, "Quit smiling, Kyon. we've got business to do."
At the Overlook...
They all arrived where they came upon a wide picnic blanket laden with all sorts of goodies. They're made by the local kids but Rena's got the most food. "I made it all for everybody."
"Wow," Kunikida said, "I never knew Rena was a fat girl's name."
"All these food looks good." Taniguchi said, "But not as tasty as you." She looked at Rena, who stared back at him silently.
Rena then said, "You're not cute like yesterday. You're a pervy pimp." Taniguchi hung his head in shame, not being able to score with Rena. He went behind Haruhi.
Itsuki went to Mion. "Wow, you weren't kidding about having lunch here. The place is great." He said, looking around.
"That's the trademark of our town," Rika replied cheerily. "You should come and visit more often."
"And enjoy the scenic spots," Satoko added.
"And get killed," Yuki quietly said, "sure."
"But not before we solve this murder," Haruhi reminded Yuki.
"Oh," the alien quietly said.
"And you get to go to places where you can get away with murder," Rena sang. Rika pinched her ear, causin a cute 'aww' from her, and reminding her not make murder comments.
"And buy killing tools and accessories, I mean, hardware, at discount prices at my twin sister's hardware," Mion joined in.
"What? You have a twin sister?" Itsuki asked.
"Yes," Mion replied, "her name is Shion."
"Mion, Shion. That sound's like a wordplay. One that I couldn't understand."
"Yeah..." she agreed, "a sort of pointless one."
"And what about what Rena just said a while ago," the esper asked.
"Oh, it's one of her lapses," Mion happily downplayed her friend's words, "that happens to her sometimes."
"What's the use of all this talking," Keiichi interjected, "let's eat!"
"You're right," Satoko said, "it's time eat up!"
"Hey wait," Rena said, "didn't I say I made all of these for Keiichi-kun."
"Ahh, I wanna get on this!" Satoko muttered, then slapped Keiichi, "Out of my way, Keiichi-san!"
"Satoko, didn't I tell you to stop being a bitch!" He blurted. He stilled remembered about being in the utility shed, forced to eat cockroaches(cock-a-roaches) while awaiting his punishment for cartoon copyright infringement.
"Don't try to lecture me when I acted like a Powerpuff Girl. You were singing the Batman theme sing." She retorted.
"That's it! Satoko, I had with your crap!"
"Hmm," she smirked, "the usual wager?"
"First one to barf, wins!" he challenged. Then they started to eat Rena's bounty. Everyone else did. Everyone is being social, talking about the weather, school life stuff and about their insane after-school adventures. Itsuki thought, Shion had a pretty good day for himself. They brought in t-bones and beer and turned the tour into a picnic party. The more they tried to make it just like home, the more they made us suspicious.
"So you investigated a murder at some island owned by Itsuki's cousins?" Mion asked.
"Yup, pretty much," Haruhi chirped, "only it wasn't a murder. It was just a show they put up for me."
She wasn't a bad club leader, I guess. She loved this town and her peeps felt safe with her. She was one of those guys that had that weird light around just knew she wasn't gonna get so much as a scratch here.
"A show?"
"Yeah, just to keep my mind off the boring everyday normal stuff. It was a great exercise of my detective skills, though." Kyon sighed and facepalmed, knowing it was he and Itsuki who did all that. And he regretted even more as he didn't have a chance to do Haruhi in that seaside cave. Itsuki just smiled as he ate his dango with a Twinkie in his pocket as a ready dessert.
"You don't like normal stuff, do you?"
"Of course, no excitement and nothing interesting," Haruhi said with disappointment.
"So you don't like things normal," Mion said "Why don't we sing the Hinamizawan Drinking Song?"
"That's a great idea!" Keiichi exclaimed.
"What's that?" The Brigade blinked their eyes.
"Just listen to the music, everybody," Rena said. Then the Games Club began singing with some flighty music from a musical playing at the background.
Ohhhh, aye-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die!(the Higurahi gang)
I lived in Hinamizawa(Mion)
I lived here all my life(Satoshi)
Someday I'll get married here(Rena)
I'll have myself a wife(Keiichi)
The scene here is stupendous(Satoko)
The people here are swell(Satoshi)
Unless you make them angry(Rena)
Then you run like hell(Keiichi)
Ohhhh, aye-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die!
There's chaos and corruption(Mion)
And murder in the night(Satoshi)
There's maggots crawling on my skin(Rena)
It really is a fright(Keiichi)
Rena's got her hatchet(Satoko)
She'll chase you for a while(Satoshi)
And then she'll cut you into shreds(Rena)
Live-action style(Keiichi)
Ohhhh, aye-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die-dee-die!
There's plenty of adventure(Mion)
The excitement never ends(Satoshi)
You get Oyashiro all over you(Rena)
And murder all your friends(Keiichi)
So come to Hinamizawa(Satoko)
We hope you come sooner(Satoshi)
Satoshi was sent to jail(Rena)
"Hey!" Satoshi blurted.
For dropping a screw in the tuna(Keiichi)
Oh, aye-dee-die-dee-die-dee-di-dee-diiiie-deeee-diiiie-deeee-diiiiiiie!(the entire gang)
"Well... that was pretty good," Itsuki said, "although I'm mildly bothered by its lyrics."
"If you think that's disturbing, why don't you hear about Taniguchi's Twitter pal, Makoto Ito," Kunikida suggested. Taniguchi shuddered at remembering that. Haruhi was mildly embarrassed.
Kyon went back to normal and said, "Tough break for Ito. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical."
"Huh? So what's with him?" Satoshi asked.
Mion asked, "What was the matter with him?"
To which the cynic replied, "This guys earned himself a harem. And he was jerkin' off ten times a day."
Kunikida added, "No shit. At least ten times a day."
Kyon continued, "Last week he was sent down to the clinic to see the school nurse, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for the principal to clear his papers."
"That he was a chronic sex addict?" Satoko asked.
Kyon turned to her, "You got it, little girl." Then he instantly went back to smiling insanely. Inside, he was trying to control himself, Must... control... rage... must... stop... having...flashbacks!
"Wow... that guy's definitely nuts," Rika said.
Kunikida said, "Yeah, but Taniguchi hurts himself before he even reaches Jerk-Off No. 3 and passes out midway at No. 4."
"Hey!" Taniguchi blurted, "I didn't jerk off!" Everyone giggled at Taniguchi's lil' problem.
Then a voice called out, "Hey, wait for me..." They all turned heads and looked at a green-haired girl resembling Mion and a big guy in a suit resembling Gordon Freeman with shades.
"Is that Shion?" Itsuki asked Mion.
"Yup, that's her," Mion smiled. She then explained that Shion usually stays out of town except in the weekends. On the weekdays, she usually spends time at the boarding school and at her part time job at the Angel Mort cafe and bakery.
"... And Angel Mort's waitresses' uniforms are better than Hooter's," she added, "their cute sexy dresses will surely make you ask for seconds." That caught Tainiguchi's ear. He smiled, Oh really? I'll check it out! He looked at Shion and felt his temperature go up the roof. She was hot!
"I've been there too," Rena added, " sometimes as a part of our penalty for losing in our after-school games. And it was fun."
Itsuki blinked his eyes, "What do you mean fun? I mean you wear a sexy uniform at work with some unsavory guys wanting to grope you, thinking you're part of the menu."
"That's okay," Mion said, "no one ever touched Rena." He looked at her saw her happy smile. She looked harmless though. "Why?" He asked.
"Well... Some of them found out the hard way," she replied. Itsuki realized he didn't want to found out as well, hard way or otherwise.
"Hey guys, whatcha up too?" Shion ran to their picnic.
"Glad you can join us, Shion," Rika greeted.
"Yeah, Shion," Satoko joined in the food is great."
"I'm sorry, I'm not asking you little lolies," the twin sister of Mion Sonozaki happily replied, "So who are these guys?" She asked.
"These our guests," Mion replied, "The SOS Brigade." She pointed to Haruhi, Kyon, Itsuki, Taniguchi, Tsuruya, Mikuru, Kunikida, and Yuki. "They claim to specialize in looking for mysteries." She was a little teed from telling her their real intentions.
"Really?" she asked. It was then Kyon, who was long simmering and smiling, stood up.
"That's right, baby." He said, smiling menacingly, "We are the SOS Brigade. We're loli rapers and PC takers. We shoot 'em full of wholes and fill 'em full of lead." Shion felt nervous looking at Kyon and backed away. Her bodyguard Kasai got between her and him.
"Know your limits, boy," he said threateningly. But Keiichi stepped in.
"Be cool my man," he said to Kasai. Then turned to Keiichi, "What's wrong, Kyon? Why so serious?" He tried to humor him. Kyon wasn't pleased.
"Are you the magician of words?" Kyon asked like Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket.
"I'm the Magician of Words," Keiichi proudly said.
"Have you done any magic shows?" he asked threateningly, not letting down the smile. Everyone braced themselves for what's gonna happen next.
"I have when I'm doing anime impressions," Keiichi proudly challenged Kyon's ego.
"You're a real comedian."
"That's why my peeps called me the Magician of Words." He explained.
"Well I got a magic trick for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole!"
"Well, little bitch." Keiichi did a John Wayne, "Only after you suck the cream lemon out of my oranges!"
"You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?" Kyon said impressed. Haruhi decided she had enough of Kyon's behavior.
"That's it, Kyon!" she snapped, "you've made enough crap for one day." She then turned to Shion and smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry if Kyon made any inconvenience to you."
"Well, now that you reined him in, that's okay," Shion said.
"Well, Kyon's one of my peons and he doesn't always like to follow me," she frowned, "Right, Kyon?" She emphasized those words to get his attention. Kyon just chuckled creepily. Then a blond boy came a long.
"Shion!" Satoshi shouted, "you're here!"
"Satoshi!" she almost screamed. The two began to run romantic to each other. Slow-mo. It sparkled and everyone ducked and covered thier eyes screaming. Then it stopped being romantic and went back to normal.
"Oh Satoshi, Im' so glad you're here," Shion said hugging her love.
"Me too," he exclaimed. I haven't even see you for quite a while." Despite the fact they usually see each others at the Angel Mort and on weekends.
"Nii-nii!" Satoko shouted as he ran to her older brother. He stooped and hugged her too. It was such a heartwarming scene.
"Aren't they so megas romantic together?" Tsuruya dreamily asked.
"I love it," Mikuru cheerily chirped. "They're so dreamy."
But Haruhi had other ideas. "Um, excuse me," she approached them and asked politely, "You're sister told me you're told me you work at Angel Mort, right?"
"Yeah, so?" She asked.
"I want you to secure employment for the SOS Brigade mascot, Mikuru!" She announced, raising her hands at the moe. "She'll be a waitress for most of the week."
"Mikuru? You mean that girl who's wearing a trenchcoat?"
"Uh-huh, Uh-huh!" the genki girl nodded, "Hey... wait a minute!" She turned to Mikuru, who wore a trenchcoat for most of the time. Even the author didn't know about it until now. "Mikuru, what the hell are you wearing a trenchcoat for?" The goddess demanded.
"But Miss Suzumiya," she whimpered, "I couldn't go out like this after you told me to dress up as my... 'luncheon dress'." She's very embarrassed of it.
"Don't be such a wuss, Mikuru," Haruhi blurted, "now take it off!"
"Please, Miss Suzumiya, no!" the moe struggled as the tsundere tried take off the long coat.
"Somebody stop her!" Satoshi pleaded. But everyone just stood their in shock.
"No! Please-!" she tried to repel her.
"I said 'take it off'!" she said and ripped it. It tore the fabric and revealed what Mikuru was wearing underneath: it was a very cute and frilly lolita dress of pink and white. She looked liked a little girl who was going to have her 13th birthday... with Pedobear ready to pounce after she blew the candles. Haruhi was at last ready to embarrass Mikuru again. She turned to everyone "See! With her big boobs, long red hair, and angelic loli face, she could bring spread the word of the Brigade to everyone!" She then started groping her jugs, much to everyone's horror, even more with the rest of the SOS Brigade(Except Kyon).
"Miss Suzumiya! Please stop!" The moe pleaded.
"Hell no, Mikuru!" Haruhi exclaimed, "we're just getting started!"
"That's enough!" Satoshi shouted. The goddess halted her lecherous behavior and Mikuru fainted. She squinted her eyes at the blond boy.
"What did you just say?" Haruhi growled, clearly not liking it when somebody challenges her will over her treatment with Mikuru.
"Excuse me, my good lasy but I couldn't help but be disgusted by your blatant groping of Mikuru." Satoshi said.
"And why is that?" the goddess demanded. "I can do whatever I want with her."
"Because before I left to join you, I came across something more sinister about the SOS Brigade," he explained, "According to the Chris Hansen Pedo Watch, the SOS Brigade is in blatant violation of the child abuse law. Making her pose in those dresses is absolutely horrible."
"And what are you gonna do about it?" Haruhi wants to kill him now.
"I have the right mind to clobber you over the head with my baseball bat."
"Nii-nii," Satoko intervened, hugging him, "don't be so violent. Besides Keiichi took your bat and claimed it as his own."
"Aw, blast," Satoshi muttered in frustration. Then turned to his little sister, "I'm sorry, Satoshi but I can't just stand and let her have her way with Miss Asahina. Remember our traumatic childhood."
"I see," the little girl replied, "Go get that bitch, nii-nii!"
Haruhi smirked, "The knight-in-shining-armor routine, eh? I was expecting a blind bishie boy like you to sound a little... more high-pitched."
"And why?"
"Because in most Japanese anime, they would be voiced by a woman." She smiled triumphantly.
"Your mother was voiced by a woman."
She got pissed. "What the hell! Take it back!"
"Talk to the hand!" He raised his palm at her face.
"You dare diss me? Bring it on!" the tsundere shouted. But then a flash of light exploded from behind. When looked around, Rena was instantly beside Mikuru.
She said, "Your so cute that I can't hold it anymore. I'm taking her home! Omochikaeri!" She grabbed her and tried to run off with the screaming moe, living speed lines and clouds of dust.
"Rena! What the hell are you doing?" Mion shouted.
"I'm taking her home!"
"Hey!" Haruhi shouted, "Nobody's taking my mascot home!" She ran and caught Rena by the hem of the dress. "Now, I demand you to give me back my bimbo." Rena dropped a screaming Mikuru and slowly turned to Miss Suzumiya.
"You say Mikuru belongs to you?" Rena asked creepily, her eyes obscured by her hat.
"Yeah!"
"Rena read the Chris Hansen Pedo Watch too. And also read Mikuru's blog the other night."
"So?"
"I read about how she recalls all the absolutely worst things you did to her like making that fake sexual harassment stuff."
"And so?" Haruhi shot a look back at her creepy catlike eyes.
"From that and the John Smith blog, Rena learned that you always mistreat Mikuru on a daily basis, making her wear dresses and uploading pictures of her on the Internet. I also know that in her blog, she remembers all the terrible things that you did to her and how she had to cope with it everyday."
"What would that be? I want proof!"
"You made her your maid, brewing tea and all. You groped her almost everyday, making her do poses and and act out in crappy movies."
"What!" Haruhi was insulted, "How dare you say that to my movies you little ginger-!"
"Yes, Rena is a ginger," Rena freakily replied. "You said what we said about those things about Mikuru are lies. Tell me, Miss Suzumiya, are the things you did to Mikuru true?"
Haruhi is creeped out for the first time, "Why do always refer to yourself by the third person?"
Rena ignored her, "Tell me the truth, Miss Suzumiya. Did you do those awful things to her?"
She gulped, "No..."
"That's not what I heard..." She creepily giggled.
"Um... nothing you heard from those blogs and rumors are true," the goddess stammered nervously, sweating bullets and trying to put a smile on her face, "I love Mikuru, I loved her like a long lost cousin, right, Mikuru?" The moe nodded slowly. "See," Haruhi pointed, "she says right. What I did is not true."
Rena looked at Mikuru and said, "Miss Asahina, you don't have to protect her. She won't bother you again. Tell me the truth: does Miss Suzumiya do those things to you."
Mikuru let out a tear, "Yes..." Rena instantly turned her eyes at Haruhi.
"Oh no, she just said that cause she's scared," Haruhi laughed nervously, "please, you don't have to take things the wrong way." She turned to Yuki, who was beside Mikuru, "Yuki, everything she said about me mistreating Mikuru are not true, right?"
"No, everything she said is true," Yuki quietly replied in her monotone voice. Haruhi's eyes popped wide open in shock. Rena stared at Haruhi.
"So, Miss Suzumiya, are you telling me that I'm a liar?" she asked.
"No, not at all," she waved her hands helplessly, "you're just being mislead by those Internet crap."
"You're hiding something, aren't you?" She said sweetly, not letting go of her stare and approached her.
She gulped again, "No... it's not true."
"Uso da~(That's a lie)," she replied softly.
"What? I'm not lying,"
"Uso da(That's a lie)." Her voice was a bit louder.
"Seriously, I would never mistreat Mikuru."
"USODA!" She screamed, its echo causing all the crows in the trees to fly for their lives, the windows of North High broke into a thousand pieces, the noise forced the Obama Administration to go to DEFCON 1, and Kyon's ears were flooded with ear-piercing pain that caused him to drop and squirm on the ground covering his ears He breathed heavily... Flashback...
The voice asked him, "You're lying, Mason! Where is the numbers station!"
"Not until I get my lawyer!" He shouted back. *KZZZZT!* "ARRGHALALALALALALA, PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER!" Flashback ends...
Everyone was stunned by that. Then when no one was moving, Rena happily picked up Mikuru and went on her way. "Lalalala," she sang as Mikuru squealed. Mion stepped in front of her.
"Okay, stop right there, Rena," she ordered, "you're going too far." She stopped and dropped Mikuru again.
"But I wanna take her home," the red-headed girl wept, "I wanna play with her and be my best friend forever."
"Sorry, Rena but you can't keep her for a friend," she replied.
"How about that Suzumiya bitch?" she asked.
"What!" Haruhi blurted, pissed about being called a bitch.
"Hmm..." Mion paused, "You're right, Rena. Keeping Mikuru with Miss Suzumiya isn't exactly a good idea either."
"But she's my moe and I'm keeping her!" Haruhi shouted. She then approached Rena and poked a finger on her chest, "And she belongs to me! You got that?"
"Rena will kill you if you touch her again," Rena replied. The goddess gulped. She picked up Mikuru.
"Okay, we're gonna go now," she growled when Satoshi stood in her way.
"I'm not gonna let you oppress her any longer," the boy challenged her.
"Back off, blondy or I'll get vicious with you!" She threatened.
Shion doesn't like it when some tsundere threatens her Satoshi-kun. "How about you and me get it on?" She threatened, "no one shouts at Satoshi like that."
"Shion, please-" Satoshi pleaded.
"I know what I'm doing, my love." She put a hand to stop him, "I'll get ugly with her real quick."
Keiichi popped out, "Oh, a catfight. I can't wait."
"Okay, that's enough." Mion finally stood out, "all this macho crap is not gonna help." Everyone is silent. She then added. "Let's ask Mikuru. Mikuru, are the things Miss Suzumiya did to you true?" The moe looked at everyone's faces. She could see some are looking back at her with worry. She then saw Haruhi's angryface with her 'I'll kill you if you tell' expression. She trembled in fear. Keiichi thought, Blast! My dreams of an epic catfight has been shattered.
"No..." she repiled cutely
"See!" Haruhi laughed triumphantly. "She's telling the truth. I'm not guilty of abusing her-!"
"Hold it," Mion said, "we're not done yet." She then turned back to Mikuru, "Are you sure?" Mikuru trembled in fear of what Miss Suzumiya will do to her. She could bear to imagine that. She finally broke
"Yes, it's all true. She did abuse me," she wept, "she made a member of her club against my will and do all sorts of things to me." She began crying like a baby. Haruhi was furious about what Mikuru did but backed down when Mion proceeded to cross-examine the rest of the gang. They all told of Haruhi's eccentric behavior. Apparently, Itsuki's the only liar.
"No, she never did that," Itsuki assured.
"Really?" Mion's skeptical.
"I guarantee you that what they say is not true, my word on it." He replied. Mion then interviewed the other boys in the group, who provide a more truthful testimony and Yuki too(Kyon is in no condition to talk for the moment). They said otherwise.
"... Yeah," Kunikda said, "she always makes her wear that purple maid outfit. It turns me on seeing that."
"So..." the green-haired girls eyebrows are raised. "Almost everybody said that you abuse Mikuru on an almost daily basis, is that right?"
"Yup."
"Okay, Miss Suzumiya," She turned to our goddess, "what are you gonna say about that?" Haruhi's face went red and she could only let a out a few embarrassed chuckles. Then she did one thing she could only do...
"I'm taking her back home!" She shouted as she gran with a screaming Mikuru. Just as she was about to leave, Rena tripped on her foot, causing her to fall face forward. Mikuru flew of her arms and glided in the air headlong but luckily landed in Satoshi's arms. She whelped high-pitched and look at the blond boy eye to eye.
"It's okay, Miss Asahina," he said to her, "I got you."
She blushed, "Thank... you, Satoshi-kun."
"No problem," he smiled. It was like a dream. The waves of the ocean crashed against the rocks, a missile launched dramatically into the air and Mt. Fuji erupted as the two were covered in a pink aura with chirping birds. Unfortunately for Shion, her aura just turned dark. She was shocked at the redhead landing on his arms. Everything shattered like cheap glass and she froze, her eyes dilated and twitched uncontrollably while her mouth opened wide. Satoko came to her.
"Shion, my nii-nii made a good catch," she bragged. No answer from Shion. "Shion, is something wrong?" Nothing. She looked at her shell-shocked face, almost as though she ate a spoiled hamburger patty. Shion tried to asked one last time, tugging her skirt. "Shion, are you there?" No answer. Satoko then looked at what she was looking at and saw why she looked shocked: her nii-nii was holding Mikuru in his arms. Satoko wisely decided to hide underneath a cardboard box and walked away from Shion as much as possible, before she starts looking for people to maim and murder that is. Taniguchi approached Shion, however...
"Hey baby, when do you come to work at the Angel Mort?" He asked, believing he can score a girl for sure. Shion instantly turned her rape face at him. Taniguchi immediately turned pale and his eyes went blank. "On second thought, I'll just stay with Tsuruya," he quickly said, running back to LOL-Fang-tan. As he did, Kasai looked at Kyon on the ground. Kyon took a look at him.
"Reznov..." he asked weakly, "is that you?"
Kasai didn't answer for a while, the background noise is a police siren. Then he spoked, "No, buddy. You probably mistook me for someone else." Kyon's face fell back on the dirt. Meanwhile, back to the argument.
"You little bitch," Haruhi spat as she stood up and wiped the dirt from her uniform and face, "I'll kill you for tripping me."
"Rena will not let you harm poor Mikuru again," she said to Haruhi. Haruhi looked at her freaky cat-eyes and froze in fright when Mion shouted.
"Easy, Rena," she said, "we have only one way of dealing with this."
"You're gonna kill us?" Haruhi asked timidly. Dramatic music. Mion smiled.
"No, silly," she replied, "we have another way of settling that matter."
"What's that?" Then epic music played. Mion turned to Rena.
"Rena, you wanted to keep Mikuru here as your friend, to protect her all your life, right?" She aimed a finger at her.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, I wanna keep her from that Suzumiya monster." She replied excitedly. Haruhi fumed, What the hell did you just called me?
"And you Miss Suzumiya," Mion asked her, "Do you want to keep Mikuru as your mascot?"
"Of course like hell," she blurted, "nobody owns that moe but me! Not even God himself!"
"And there's only one way to settle this: the Hinamizawa Aqua Fight!" Echo effect.
"What's that?" she asked.
The green-haired girl exclaimed, "Only the most epic water gun fight in this corner of the world! If you win, you get to keep Mikuru!"
"Alright-!" She shouted for joy.
"But if we win, we let Mikuru stay with us for up until the Watanagashi festival!"
"Aw, fuck!" Haruhi raged. "No fair!"
"Keep your panties on, Miss Suzumiya," Mion said to her, "Everything's fair to you but unfair to everyone else since you roll like a hustler back in your school. But here, we make the rules."
"Alright, fine," Haruhi conceded, pouting like the eternal biatch she is. "We accept it." Then Mion called everyone.
"Okay, everybody!" She hollered, "we're gonna have a water gun fight at school." Everyone cheered and agreed.
"SOS Brigade, school circle!" She ordered. Everyone assembled around her, including Taniguchi and Kunikida carrying around Kyon. "Okay, everyone. Listen up: the gang of Hinamizawans are planning to keep Mikuru in their town until the festival. That means she'll be the next sacrifice to their God Oyashiro-sama. We need to team and play this game hard and fast so we can save Mikuru's life."
"And molest her for the rest of her life," Kunikida added.
"Yes, I'll do that-" Haruhi was about to concede when, "Hey, don't add words when I'm not speaking."
"Oh, sorry," the background boy replied.
"Everyone, all I've ever asked of you is to obey my orders as they would the word of God. We're here to solve a murder cause everything that happens here would someday happen over there."
"Like North Korea?"
"Just shut up, Kunikida!" Haruhi blurted, "Okay everyone, fall out!" They just did. And just as Itsuki was about leave, she grabbed him by the arm, "Itsuki, you're fired as Deputy Chief. I'm handing the position to someone who can cook up a good alibi." She then left him, fuming.
"But it's not me, Haruhi," he tried to explain, "it was Nagato and the..." He was left behind with Rika, "... others." He then turned to the the girl. "Hi little Rika, you like kinda cute today."
She then replied in a strange voice said to Itsuki, "A lie is a lie."
Her ominous wrords left him in cold sweat, "What did you just say?"
"Just because they write it down and call it history doesn't make it the truth." Rika added.
"What?" Itsuki asked, feeling even more scared.
"Nipah~," she chirped and skipped happily with everyone else. Itsuki gulped his bad feelings away and went along.
At the school...
The school building is currently being repaired after Kyon's explosive attack. Everyone assembled at the school a la The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly(yeah, people, the 'Ugly' part belongs to Taniguchi) cowboy-style shootout. Haruhi stared at her opponents from across the field and hated them to their guts. The Sonozaki twins, the Hojou siblings, Rika and Satoko, Rena and Keiichi. Then she realized that something's bugging her.
"Hey, wait a minute," the goddess blurted. "We're shorthanded."
"Really?" Mion asked. "what you mean?" She looked at them and noticed why. "Aw, you're right. We should have known."
"In that case, even the odds by putting Mikuru in our team," she demanded.
"Sorry, Miss Suzumiya. Mikuru's the prize so she can't participate."
"Then what they hell I'm I gonna do if there's eight of you and only seven of us?"
"Let's ask the help of other visitors. It'll be fun," Rika suggested. She turned to number of visitors who were just passing by, "Hey, anyone of you wanna join us?" Some of the visitors stepped forward. From what they could see the visitors are Konata Izumi, Miyuki Takara, and the Hiiragi twins Tsukasa and Kagami.
"Hi ya, everyone," said the happy-go-lucky otaku, "need an extra team player?"
"For Pete's sake, Konata!" Grumbled Kagami, "what the hell are you dragging us into this time?"
"Oh calm down my dear Kagami," the otuka said sweetly, "this is a situation just like in many friendship manga where friendship starts in unusual ways like right now, a simple game where you're invited to fill in for the shorthanded players."
"This isn't an anime or manga, This is freakin' real life!"
"Come on, Kagamin~.You know that you have to loosen some of that weight you gained back at that cake buffet at Angel Mort," Konata teased.
Kagami fumed at rage when someone talks about her weight like that. She then said through her teeth, "Ah... Alright, I'll play." Then Tsukasa asked.
"Umm... are we gonna get wet?" she inquired timidly.
"Of course you will," Konata answered, "it's a water fight."
"Umm... okay." Then Konata turned to Miyuki.
"How 'bout you, Miyuki?" She asked.
"I don't know," she said shyly, "I don't know if I wanna get wet right now."
"That's okay," Mion said, "we'll provide everybody with spare PE gear."
"Okay," she said cheerily, "I'm in. I don't think there's anything wrong with playing with you." Miyuki may be a big-boobed moe but at least she's got some brains compared to Mikuru. Then Emiri Kimidori showed up.
"Hello, Miss Suzumiya," she cheerily said, "what'cha doing here?"
"We're here to save Mikuru," Haruhi replied. "Wanna join?"
"Um, is there anything in it?"
"Let's see..." Haruhi tapped her chin, "we can eat your cookies."
"Deal, I'm in!" She jumped in Team SOS. Then there's something that caught Haruhi by surprise: the Anti-SOS Brigade is here too!
"Huh!" Haruhi's mouth went wide, "what the hell are you losers doing here?"
"What's it look like, superbitch?" Sasaki blurted in her womanly high-pitched voice. "We're taking a vacation."
"And hopefully away from you," Kyouko added, giving her an angry look.
"But screw our luck," Fujiwara added, "you're all fucking here!"
"And you can kiss my ass you sneering blond asshole," Haruhi blasted at Fujiwara, who look liked a Nazi SS officer.
"Don't_worry_, Haru...hi," said Kuyou trying to sound like the G-Man from Half-Life, "We_are_here_to_kick... yours_." The Anti-SOS Brigade sneered at Haruhi. "And_we_will_take_our_bets_with_the_Games...Club." Then all left to change, laughing at her all the way. Haruhi fumed in rage.
"Is that Sasaki and her friends?" Taniguchi asked Haruhi timidly.
"Yes... it's them," Haruhi seethed through her teeth, "we'll play hardball with them so hard that they'll come crying to their mommies. Mount up!" They all did. But Kyon had a different thought for them, especially for Fujiwara. Friedrich Steiner, his mind screamed, you're alive. You must die... All must die! Then everyone assembled at the courtyard with Kasai as referee, Emiri and the Lucky Star girls rally behind the SOS Brigade while the Anti-Brigade stood behind the Games Club.
"Hey Haruhi," Kyouko taunted, "too bad they didn't make Kyon the prize!" Haruhi's eyes twitched in irritation at them. Everyone wore PE gear- except Itsuki, who wore a gakuran.
"Hey, why is Itsuki dressed like Sousuke Sagara?" Taniguchi asked.
"'Cause we ran out of PE uniforms so we have him wear Keiichi's old school uniform," Mion explained. Everyone looked at him, he does he look like Sousuke Sagara.
"Wow, Itsuki's a real bishie," sneered Fuji. Kyon's eyes popped wide open. Did you say he's a VC...?
He explained the rules. "Okay, here are the rules: Rule one, there's a 30-second delay before anyone attacks anyone. Rule two, whatever team stays long the driest wins. Any questions?"
"No," everyone answered, needing not to question the rules.
"Viva la Revolucion," Yuki said in her monotone.
Now that everyone agreed, he said, "Everyone get ready... get set... GO!" Shouted Kasai, firing his shotgun into the air and hitting a bird.
-Higurashi Daybreak OP plays-
the water gun fight began and it was a blast(no pun intended). The battle was intense and everyone is in the thick of it. Haruhi was doing wonders against her opponents but Sasaki is just as good, while Yuki is moving epically Halo-style against the Hojou siblings, while Tsuruya faces against Shion. Itsuki displayed his awesome skills he got from the Esper-firearms training range, Taniguchi was cursing a la Counter Strike('n00b', 'h4x0r', 'camper', 'AWP fag', 'AWP whore',), Kunikida used military terminology.
"Tani," he shouted, "I'm reloading, watch my six!" He dipped his gun into a bucket of water.
"StfU NoOB camper," Taniguchi replied.
"What?" Kuni raged. Then a squirt hit him on the arm. "Shit! Tangos on the right flank."
"Ur on ur owned, n00b," Tani replied. Kunikida pistol-whipped him several times then jammed the still-full bucket on his head and banged it like a bell. Meanwhile, Kagami and Konata are displaying different play-styles: the tsundere prefers to Call of Duty-style rushing while the otaku uses Metal Gear-style stealth on getting her opponents. Others are not doing so well. Tsukasa and Miyuki can't get decent shots and are getting shot at by the OpFor, wailing cutely as they get... wet. Kyouko and Kuyou are clearly enjoying shooting at the two, laughing like bullies when Emiri appeared.
"Hey!" She shouted, "pick on some your own size." She then pumped her water gun at them. But Kuyou quickly used her massive hair as a shield, making all those shots useless. The salad-haired Interface said in disbelief, "Aw crap... wallhacker." Then Kuyou slapped her with her hair. "AAAARRRGGHH!" Emiri screamed as she got pwned to the sky, Team-Rocket style. Then they continued to torment the two cuties. As for Kyon, he was doing fine when Mion appeared with her Akimbo Water Guns. Mikuru watched helplessly at the unfolding drama as the battle for her person- and body- intensifies.
"Looks like I got you, Kyon-kun," she chuckled evilly, "any last words?" The cynic couldn't answer but something saved him... and turned the course of the entire game.
Below the ground the Hamtaro mining crew encountered an obstacle. Churuya rushed and demanded, "What's the bloody hold-up?"
"We've got a rock on our path," Boss explained. "We can drill through it but it'll take a day. We can go around it but we'll be delayed by an hour."
"Any other ideas?" she asked.
"Some C4," he answered.
"Good!" she exclaimed, "blast a hole through that crap." So the hamsters drilled a hole though and stuff it with C4.
"Isn't that a bit too much?" Achakura asked worriedly.
"It's the quick and easy way!" She pressed the button. BOOM!
The explosion rocked the school a bit and knocked both Kyon and Mion to the ground. The cynic rolled away but nearly fell into a trap by Satoko. He tapped it and almost went in, although only its top cover caved in, Kyon looked into it breathed hard... he was back in Vietnam and he saw his best men fall down into these stake-filled pits of death. He was having flashbacks again. Then a water balloon exploded nearby, sounding like a grenade and deafening his ears.
-Higurashi Daybreak OP fades and Adagio for Strings begins-
Kyon is starting to crack up now. Everywhere he saw, the very memories in his mind are starting to comeback to him. He saw the chaos of the battlefield. He saw Taniguchi running away from them as he got wet. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Taniguchi screamed as he got raped by water balloons and squirt guns in slow motion and he kneeled and raised his hands to the sky in an uber-dramatic way. He was doing the Sgt. Elias death scene from Platoon. Then they're coming back now. He looked back to his traumatic time in Vorkuta, his mission for vengeance in Baikunor, Khe Sanh, Hue City, Laos... Rebirth Island.
-Adagio for Strings fades and Black Ops Trailer Music plays-
Something had to be down. He can't take it anymore. He now had cracked for sure. Then he remembered Reznov. "No one fights alone, Mason. Dragovich...Kravchenko...Steiner...All must die. Everybody dies, Mason." He told him. The words are being played back all over again. Kyon can't hold back anymore. He must act. He must fight to survive.
"Take No Prisoners, Comrades!" shouted the Spetsnaz announcer for MW2 multilayer.
"DIE!" He screamed. He jumped into the air and back to the playing field. Everyone was stunned. He snatched Mion's guns and did some John Woo-style shooting. He hit his opponents well. Rena tried to line a shot at him but Kyon quickly weaved, dove to the ground and rolled out of her sights(TV Trope's Unnecessary Combat Roll) . Standing up, he then hit Rena repeatedly, causing her to scream for Keiichi's help. Keiichi tried to shoot but Kyon spun and kicked his gun away. He shot him in the face. Then Fujiwara tried to grab him. But the cynic right-hooked him in the face, grabbed his hair and used him as a shield. He began firing at Sasaki, who got hit in the chest.
"Ugh!" she grunted slo-mo and fell. Kyouko watched her plummet to the ground with shock.
"Sasaki!" screamed Kyouko. She then raged, "You will pay, heretic!" Both she and Kuyou jumped in action but they hit a screaming Fuji-kun, whose body rattled with each shot. Then he strafed them wildly, making them wet and ended with an epic slo-mo move.
HEADSHOT! A squirt of water hit Kyouko on the head hard causing her to fall down loudly. Then he pushed Fujiwara face first to the ground brutally. Kyon earned himself 6-killstreak.
"Your air-strike is ready," informed the Spetsnaz guy. He then jumped on Fujiwara's head and backflipped over a wall.
"There he is!" Shouted Mion, "Get him!" Her team responded eagerly but Kyon jumped back on top of the wall and used his killstreak.
"Friendly air-strike inbound," confirmed the Russian.
"Tango sucka!" He shouted as bombs rained on them. Actually it's a high-pressure water hose he got from the school and he started spraying them hard. They squealed like little girls. "Napalm~, baby!"
"Kyon, that's great!" Haruhi cheered. "You're what a good SOS Brigadier should be-!" But the cynic shot her with a stream of high-pressure water. He laughed insanely.
"Tactical Kyon incoming!" Kunikida shouted, "It's over!" He then got hosed badly by Kyon. Then he switched targets, hitting his own screaming teammates. Kagami immediately grabbed Konata and used her to cover herself from the full blast but she still got wet anyway. Tsuruya got hit and Taniguchi too, after he got the bucket out of his head. Yuki was swept away. Now he literally hosed his own team. Except for one... Itsuki, who got wet a little. The esper looked at his freaky psychotic eyes with that smile, he realized his day is screwed.
-Black Ops Trailer Music Ends.-
Kyon stared at Itsuki like he was his next plaything. The esper shuddered in fear at the cynic wanting to kill him. He stammered, "Kyon, what'cha doing?"
Kyon replied menacingly, "Playtime's over, Charlie." He began to pace closer to Itsuki. The esper backed away slowly from him. "What's your real name? Itsuki Koizumi? Sousuke Sagara? Or is it... Victor Charlie?" He flashed his shark-like teeth.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Kyon," Itsuki tried to tell him off, "What's wrong with you? If it's because I was reading a magazine featuring your sister, I'm really sorry!" Kyon then cocked himself like a bullet and dashed at lightspeed, narrowly missing Itsuki but tore the top part of his uniform into shreds, revealing his chiseled body with dramatic effect. Okay, yaoi fangirls, scream yuor hearts out. Then Kyon quickly spun around, ready for another go; this time, he'll not miss. But Itsuki ran away screaming and the chase is on. He went around one side of the school while Kyon circled around the other. Itsuki looked back to see is he's on his ass but he bumped into Kyon. But no kiss!
"Hello Charlie," Kyon greeted as he stood up.
"AAAARRRGGGH!" Itsuki shrieked as he rolled away to the school's vegetable patch. He stood up and took a sign from the patch that said 'carrots'. "Get back! Get back, I tell you! Stay... Stay the hell away from me!" But in Kyon's mind, Itsuki transformed into a Vietcong guy swinging a meat cleaver,"You, no talk! Play! Bang, Bang, Bang! You shoot G.I., you shoot!" His violent PTSD went to over 9000!
"YOU CAN'T KILL ME, CHARLIE!" He shouted to Itsuki, "I'll kill you! YOU'LL PAY FOR KILLING ICE CUBE!" He let out a blood-curdling scream a la Rambo. Itsuki ran away like a cat in heat as the cynic went wild.
-William Tell Overture plays-
"Kyon's coming to kill me!" He shouted before entering the house of an elderly couple, who was surprised to see him as he barricaded the door and ran off.
"SEARCH AND DESTROY!" Kyon shrieked. Then the door exploded as he broke through searching for Itsuki. He looked around and moved on.
Itsuki never knew he would run for his life from Kyon. The esper was entering house-to-house all over the village in an effort to delay him, which is useless as the cynic literally broke through each house like a raging tank. Everytime he looked back, he became more desperate as he got closer until... he reached the cliff outside the village along the road. He stopped short of falling off and was about reverse when he saw Kyon. He had him in his sights; he has no way out. Now Itsuki is caught between a 30-foot drop and an adrenalin-hyped cynic, which is not one of his better days, Kyon lined himself up for the kill, staring into his eyes to savor the fear in him before the moment of truth. Then Kyon exploded like a bullet sending himself against Itsuki until blew him away.
"THIS IS SPARTA!" He shouted as he kicked him on the nuts, breaking through the railings. Itsuki shriekd in pain as he crashed down.
-William Tell Overture ends-
He looked down and grinned, "Kim Il Jong sucks that dick! Ah-Oooh!" He cupped his hands and hollered, dancing his victory dance when everyone else appeared.
"Kyon! What the fuck's wrong with you!" Haruhi shrieked as he pushed him aside. Kyon went back to normal. She looked down to see the esper sprawling at the bottom of the cliff. She called to "Koizumi! Can you hear me! Speak to me!" Down below, Itsuki groaned as he got up shakily on his hands and knees. Everyone was relieved to see him alive when a a 1969 Doge Dart with a madly-laughing driver drove past them and into the cliff- right on Itsuki.
BOOM! The car crashed and exploded into a huge mushroom cloud, right on top of Itsuki. Everyone's eyes popped out when they saw it. Then out of the burning wreckage emerged Conan O'Brien. He then said, "That was expensive." He then ran away when the wreck popped and crackled some more then finally exploded one more time.. Haruhi's mouth went wide open in disbelief of what she just saw. Minutes later, Taniguchi broke the calm.
"So... who won?" He asked everybody. Mion looked at everyone. They're all wet all right, except Rika and Satoko. Their short size saved them from being hosed by Kyon.
She quietly announced the news without excitement, "The Games Club wins the fight." No one could not react to it at all. But that was good news for Rena.
"Yay! I'm taking her home!" She shouted as she grabbed Mikuru and ran off. Meanwhile, Itsuki poked his head out of the wreck as heard the echoing voices topside.
"Don't worry, Itsuki," Haruhi called out, "we're gonna get you outta there!"
"How could we save him?" Keiichi retorted, "he's now a charcoal briquette!" And the esper then slumped his head on the ground.
Wow, now Kyon's lost it and Mikuru got taken home by Rena! And Itsuki's got a taste of insanity. Will our heroes save the day? Find out on the next chapter. Rika's ominous words to Itsuki is a reference to the Black Ops World Premier trailer.