Flashback: Eight Grade Year, New Year's Eve

"Riley still loves Lucas." Farkle blurted out as the fireworks went off, stopping everyone in their tracks.

Riley lifted the air horn to her mouth and blew on it, calmly stating, "Happy New Year."

After everyone had cleared the roof Riley had pulled Farkle back into her apartment, leaving Maya and Lucas alone.

"How does it feel?" Maya asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"How does it feel to know Riley still has feelings for you?" She turned to him with a frown.

Lucas was dumbfounded; he didn't know how to answer because he didn't know how he felt. What he did know was that there was still a part of him that liked Riley and that part showed when Charlie brought out the 'Couples' Game'. Lucas felt a possessive part come over him when Charlie pointed out the things that Riley often did while on a movie date. How could Charlie know any of it if it hadn't happened? Because it did happen and Lucas didn't want to believe it.

"I don't know how I feel." He answered her honestly and shook his head. "I just know I don't want to ruin any friendships we have."

Maya smiled softly and took his hand, weaving her fingers through his, "Nothing bad will happen. We're still us and Riley's still Riley. We'll be okay."

Lucas looked down at their hands and smiled back at her; he knew it wasn't right. He knew he should have told her the whole truth; that seeing how much Charlie pays attention to Riley to and Riley to him, it ate at Lucas. It made his blood boil and his chest hurt. But Riley was happy, she was happy with Charlie and he'd be happy for Maya because they just wanted the best for each other.

"Why would you do that?!" Riley pinched Farkle's arm.

"Oww!" Farkle swatted her hand away and rubbed at the stinging skin. "Because I gave you a chance, Riley, and you weren't going to take it."

"That's not your decision." Riley's frustration was starting to boil over. "I'm sorry if I can't find a better way to deal with this Farkle, but I needed more time. I would have told them. And not in front of Charlie."

"You don't even want to be with Charlie, Riley!" Farkle threw his hands in the air. "Why are you doing this? Why are you forcing yourself to have feelings for somebody else?"

"I'm not forcing myself! I like Charlie!" She put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath. "I like Charlie, Farkle. I can't…I won't hold on to Lucas forever, that's not fair to anyone."

"Maya is your best friend, she'll understand."

"I have to understand. I have to accept this because you're right. Maya's my best friend and she cares about Lucas, they care about each other and I won't stand in the way of that. Neither of us should."

"But Riley-."

"Goodnight, Farkle." Riley shook her head and turned to walk away from him. On her way back to the roof she found Charlie with a sleeping Auggie in his arms.

"Hi." She waved shyly.

"Hey." Charlie grinned back at her, keeping a tight hold on her little brother. "So…"

"I'm sorry." Riley began, "I really wish Farkle hadn't said that."

"It's okay." Charlie laughed as they made their way back to her apartment. "Really."

"It's not." She turned the handle and held the door open for him, leading him to Auggie's room. "Charlie, I don't want you to think that I'm using you to make Lucas jealous or-."

"I'd never think that." He placed Auggie gently on the bed and walked out with her, making sure to close Auggie's bedroom door. "You're not that kind of person, Riley. And I know you said we'd be better off as friends, so I'll take that over nothing any day."

Riley stared at her hands and fiddled with her thumbs. "Maybe we just need some time. You know, to get used to things."

"However long it takes." He leaned down to kiss her cheek gently before leaving her apartment and a stunned Riley.

Present Day: Sophomore Year

Riley was fidgety; after lunch her panic attack had faded with Charlie's help, but still, Charlie insisted she call her mom and that she go home and rest. As she sat in her room with her knees to her chest and her chin resting on them, she contemplated how to tell Maya about her kiss with Lucas. She wouldn't keep it from her. Riley kept many things inside since eighth grade, but that kiss would not be one of them, it wasn't fair.

The soft knock on her door had her looking up to find her mother leaning against it. "Hi."

"How yah feelin'?" Topanga made her way to Riley's bed and sat across from her.

"I'm okay." Riley tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Thanks for picking me up from school."

"Sweetheart, are you going to tell me what's going on?" Topanga reached out and squeezed Riley's hand.

"I kissed Lucas. We kissed and Maya doesn't know, but Charlie knows and Charlie's not angry, but I bet Maya would be and I'll lose her." Riley took a huge breath and let it out slowly.

"Wow." Topanga scratched her head; it was a lot more information from Riley that she'd heard in months. "Have you talked to Lucas about it?"

"No." Riley shook her head. "I can't, mom. I can't look at him like I used to."

Topanga sighed heavily and moved to lay beside her daughter, cradling her. "I know things are complicated. And I know you'll find a solution, just like you always do. I think it's very brave of you to tell Charlie and to want to tell Maya. You'll figure something out and I'll be right there with you when you need me."

They had seemed so cozy, he almost didn't want to interrupt, but he had to see if she was okay. He knocked on her bedroom window and gave her a small wave and half-smile.

Riley came up to her window and unlocked it. "Hi."

"You left early." He slipped through her window as Topanga stood from the bed to give them some privacy. "Are you okay?"

"I don't think you should be here, Lucas." Riley wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and sat back on her bed.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I had to make sure you were all right." Lucas sat with her, looking at his hands. "We need to talk about what happened, Riley."

"We kissed." She stated simply. "We kissed and that's the end of it. Right?"

"Not really. I think the conversation should steer more towards why we kissed."

"Why did you kiss me?" She turned to him suddenly, not as angry as she should have been, but genuinely curious.

"Because I…" He cleared his throat. "I like you, Riley, a lot."

"But you and Maya…"

"I know what happened with Maya. But you were the one who said you wanted to be my sister back in Texas, remember?"

"Because she liked you then." Riley stood from her bed. "Because she stepped away from you when she knew I liked you and I did the same for her."

"I didn't want you to step away from me." Lucas rose too, his voice becoming a little louder. "I didn't want to be your brother, Riley, I wanted to be with you."

"Then why didn't you fight harder?!"

"Because I thought you didn't want me! Because you were with Charlie and I thought you didn't want anything to do with me! Yes, I had feelings for Maya and yes, I had feelings for you, but you pushed me away, Riley. Maya was there and we had fun being together, but seeing you with Charlie only made me believe you were happy with him too."

"I was!" Riley cried, putting a hand to her chest and sniffling. "I was happy with Charlie, and then you…you kissed me, Lucas. You had two years to figure this all out and when you did, you went about it all the wrong way! You don't get to confuse me like this, Lucas. You don't get to make me feel this way about you anymore, Lucas, not after two years!"

"Like what?" Lucas asked, stepping around her bed to face her. "How do I make you feel, Riley?"

"Like us being together would be okay when it wouldn't be." She put a hand on his chest to stop him from getting any closer. "I won't take away Maya's happiness. I won't be the one to cause her pain. She's my best friend and I won't hurt her!"

Lucas grabbed her hand and yanked her forward, tangling his fingers in her hair and dropping his lips to hers.

Riley yelped but couldn't find it in her to pull away. This kiss wasn't as intense as their other one had been, it was softer and made her warm all over. She was out of breath when he pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry, Riley." Lucas whispered. "But I can't do it anymore. I can't watch you and Charlie be a couple anymore."

"Charlie knows." She blurted, stepping away from him and sitting on her bed. "He knows you and I kissed last week. He's not angry, he wants me to be happy. I want him to be happy and I know it won't be with me as long as I have these feelings for you, Lucas."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I can't be around you, Lucas." Riley's eyes never left the floor and she wrung her hands together. "I'm saying that in order for me to feel for Charlie what he feels for me is…to never be around you."

"Riley, that's insane." Lucas sat across from her. "You can't avoid me forever. Especially not after what I just told you."

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she brought her hand up to wipe away her tears. "I'm just…I'm so tired of all the lying, and the fighting, and the keeping things from everybody. I don't want to do it anymore."

"So, don't." He crawled across her bed and rested against her bed frame as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Don't hide anything from us anymore, Riley. Don't feel like you have to do all this alone. Most, if not all, of this is my fault, I know that. But please don't-."

Lucas glanced down at her to see that she had fallen asleep; it was clear how much sleep she'd lost within the last week. He shifted their bodies so they were both lying flat on their backs and Riley's head on his chest. He watched as her head bobbed up and down gently with his breathing as he wrapped an arm around her.

Lucas didn't know where they'd go from there but there definitely was no turning back now. He loved Riley, he just couldn't say it out loud to her because even the thought of him liking her made her upset. He found himself drifting to sleep soon as well, not caring about the possibilities of what would happen if Mr. Matthews had found them.