A/N: Well, this chapter is a doozy. I apologize in advance. I was in a very unforgiving mood when I wrote it. We shall see what happens from here. As always thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you and those of you that leave reviews as well. :)

As an addict I will struggle everyday of my life to stay clean. Today is one of those days. Bad news is something that will always test my resolve. As I stare at the phone that delivered that news, I could feel my self control cracking. As I waited for my brain to process what I was just told, I closed my eyes and counted to ten.

I grabbed my phone and tried calling Selena. She wasn't answering. Fuck. I needed her to answer. I began to pace around in my kitchen. Why didn't I feel anything? I should be feeling something right now. Without thinking I grabbed my car keys and left the house. I was suffocating. I needed air.

I drove around endlessly for what seemed like hours until I found myself standing on a beach staring out into the ocean. I watched as the sun dipped below the horizon and disappeared. I could feel the darkness calling me. I continued to stand on the waters edge. The subtle violence of the water colliding with the earth, my only company. I felt my skin crawling. I wanted to tear it off. It was inevitable. I knew what I was going to do. I hate myself so much right now.

I climbed back into my truck and a luck would have it, Selena was calling me. I pressed the ignore button and drove somewhere I knew I shouldn't be. I walked into the club and it didn't take me longer than five minutes to find what I was looking for. Once I had it, I left and headed home. I stopped at a gas station and decided to grab a bottle of vodka. I didn't even wait until I got home. I opened the bottle an felt the burn of the clear liquid as it slid down my throat. It settled into my stomach making me feel sick. Old habits die hard I guess. I finished the bottle before I got home. I was completely wasted. Selena continued to call me and I continued to not answer. I didn't want to talk to her right now. She couldn't possibly understand what I was going through. Once I got into my house, I reached in my pocket and pulled out a small baggie containing a substance that I had not used in quite some time.

Once I had the white powder seperated into several lines, I took out a hundred dollar bill, rolled it up tightly and then proceeded to snort every single line I had cut. It hit me like a kick to the face. I was completely gone. As my eyes rolled into the back of my head I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen now. I would always be this person. Why did she have to die? Why wasn't it me? My mom deserved better. She deserved to have a daughter she could be proud of. Not me. She's always going to wish it was me, not Dallas. I'd give anything to take her place. My sister didn't deserve to die.

I don't know how much time passed for sure, I just knew it was daylight when I woke up. I could hear banging and loud voices at my front door.

"Open the fucking door Demi! I know you're in there! Open the fucking door!" Whoever this person was they didn't sound happy. I stumbled over to the door and against my better judgment I opened it. The sunlight nearly knocked me on my ass it was so bright.

Two people pushed past me and one of them I recognized as Miley. It took me a minute to focus, but I was able to recognize the other person as well. It was Taylor. She looked pissed. Miley walked up to me and grabbed my face with her hand pulling it in close. She had my cheeks pinched between her thumb and pointer finger. "Are you drunk?" She asked scowling. The longer she looked at me the more pissed she became. "You're fucking high right now aren't you?" She accused.

I couldn't help it. I just started laughing hysterically. I watched as Taylor walked into the living room. The look on her face when she returned told me all I needed to know. She whispered something in Miley's ear and they both left the room. I used this opportunity to locate my keys. I was unable to locate them before they both returned.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing? Selena has been tryin reach you. She asked us to come here and check on you when she found out what happened to your sister." Miley shouted at me.

"I'm coping." I huffed back. I'll never forget what happened next. Taylor walked up to me and slapped me across the face.

"How dare you! Do you have any idea what the hell you have put Selena through? Do you have any idea how many nights she spent crying? How many days she couldn't even get out of bed? Do you have any idea Demi? If you did, I guarantee you wouldn't be putting that shit up your nose. Who the fuck do you think you are?! What is any of this going to accomplish for you?" She was screaming at me. "You're fucking drunk and high. She deserves better."

"Who? You? Cause that ain't gonna fuckin happen." I yelled back. Miley must have realized that this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere because she stepped in between us.

"Both of you stop." She said firmly. "Demi, you need to call Selena. You need to stop this. Let her help you."

"Fuck this! Don't tell me what to do!" I shoved Miley out of the way and as I walked past her, I saw my truck keys on the counter. I grabbed the keys as I walked by.

"Shit Tay, she's gonna leave." I heard Miley tell Taylor. "We gotta stop her!"

I never gave them the chance. By the time they made it into my driveway I was already backing out. I peeled out and headed straight to a liquor store. I bought another bottle of absolut and drank it all. I can't say for sure what happened next. I remember the sharp pain as I felt my body jerking to the side. I remember the scream of twisting metal. I remember feeling the glass as it shattered across my face. As I laid there I could feel the cold hard asphalt. There was a metallic, sticky taste in my mouth. It didn't take long before I was surrounded by urgent voices. As I laid there bathed in the red and blue lights, I wondered if this was it. I felt like maybe I was going to die. That's the last thing I remembered before I was swept away in blackness.

I woke up in an unfamiliar place. My entire body hurt. As I opened my eyes, I realized I was in a hospital. The sterile white walls coupled with the steady beeping of monitoring equipment confirmed for me that I was still alive. I scanned the room and that's when I saw her sitting there. Her eyes were red and puffy. I could tell she had been crying. I shifted slightly and she immediately made eye contact with me. She looked devastated. There was something else in her eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was the look of someone who lost something. Something that they could never replace. She moved closer to the bed.

"Demi?" She said softly. The way he said it almost sounded like a question.

"Hey." I croaked. My throat felt dry and scratchy.

"We need to talk."

"I know."

I watched as her face dropped. For a brief moment she looked like she might start crying again. She quickly regained her composure and let out a deep sigh.

"I'm not doing this anymore." She stated.

"I know."

"No I don't think you do. I'm done. Do you have any idea what you have done to me? To your Mother?"

"I'm sorry I..."

"You're sorry?! Really? I'll tell you what you are Demi. Selfish." She snapped. "Your mom already has to bury Dallas. Would you like her to bury you as well? Did it ever occur to you how everyone else would be affected?"

"Selena. I made a mistake. I can't take it back. I wish I could. I don't know what happened, I just lost it. I can't deal with this kind of shit."

"Neither can I." She sad sadly as tears began to fall. "I can't do this anymore." She whispered. "I can't watch you do this to yourself. You have broken every promise you have ever made to me. I let you wreck me Demi. You have literally destroyed me emotionally. I can't do this." She covered her face with her hands and started crying harder.

"Sel..."

"Don't." She interrupted. "Do you have any idea what this does to me? It kills me Demi. I don't know if I'm ever going to heal the damage you have done. I can't even properly grieve for Dallas right now. You have managed to take everything from me. I have literally given you everything. You couldn't just stop. That's all I wanted Demi. I wanted you to stop. I wanted you to stop and think about me for once. I wanted you to wonder what this would do to me. Are you happy now? Do you see me? My heart is broken."

I didn't say anything. There was nothing I could say. Now I understood by she looked so devastated. This was it. I made my choice and it wasn't her.

"This is the hardest thing I will ever do." She sobbed. "I'm walking away Demi. You don't love me they way you should..." Her voice cracked before she finished. It didn't matter anyway. I was devastated. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to kiss her pain away. She was right though. I didn't love her the way that I should. She was willing to give up everything for me. I couldn't even give up drugs and alcohol.

"Selena...please." I whispered as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"Don't..." Her voice was strangled. Before I could say anything else she turned and walked out the door. I didn't know it at the time, but that would be the last time I saw her before things went from bad to worse.