A/N: Heres a quick update. Enjoy. I love all your reviews. Keep em coming! Thanks for reading. The song I used as Demi's journal entry is called "Sober" it's by Kelly Clarkson.
As the time began to relentlessly tick by, I realized that maybe she wasn't going to come back. The seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. Hours became days. Days became weeks. The weeks became months. The months became a year. Everyday I told myself I was fine. Everyday I fought the urge to open up that room and put all of her things back where they belonged. I passed most of my time with Stella. She gave me the strength to at least try and move on. As I sat there and watched her play her guitar, I couldn't help but think how much of you she has in her. She looks like me, but her spirit and charm is all you.
I don't know how you can even stand to be away from her. I know I couldn't do it. She's always been patient when it comes to you. It's almost like she can sense the unrest and struggle that lives in you. She doesn't hold against you that you're gone. It's like she already knows and expects that you will return as soon as you are able.
I google you everyday hoping to find something. I never do. It's frustrating for me to have no clue where you are. Your assistant, who inexplicably still works for you, was kind enough to tell me that she knows you are ok as well as where you are. She refuses, per your instruction, to tell me where you are though. I pretty much hate her.
The song Stella was playing was one of yours. It was a sad one and she played it with expert timing. I found myself wondering if the music is how she expressed she how she was feeling inside. She was so young. I worried that your absence would have a negative effect on her down the road. She never complained about you being gone an she never asked me where you were. Thank god for that, I don't know if I could take it. As I sat there wondering where you were, I heard my doorbell ring.
I opened my front door and greeted a delivery man.
"Mrs. Torres?" He asked.
"No. Not anymore. Can I help you?" I answered.
"I have a package addressed to a Stella Torres." He answered.
"That's my daughter. I'll go ahead and take it." He handed me a slip to sign then gave me the package. It was small, about the size of a textbook and wrapped in brown paper. I froze when I saw the handwriting. It was Demi's.
It took every ounce of willpower I had not to tear it open. I took it inside and sat in the table. I didn't know if I should give it to Stella or not. In the end, I decided that if you wanted her to have it, she should.
"Stella, come here baby. You got a package." I said to her.
She walked over to the table an took the package. She examined the outside before looking at me. She had a very serious look on here face. She turned around and left with the package. I watched as she walked upstairs to her bedroom.
After sitting in silence for what seemed like hours, I went upstairs to check on Stella. She was very intently reading through what I could only assume was a journal. She looked up and smiled at me before returning to her reading. I decided that I wanted some company. I called Taylor and she agreed to come over and have some coffee with me.
"Hey Sel." Taylor greeted as she walked into the house.
"Hey. I smiled back." Pulling her into a hug. "It's good to see you." I added.
"You too. Where's Stella?" She asked.
"She's upstairs reading something that Demi sent her." I noticed the blonde tense up at the mention of Demi's name. I decided to quickly change the subject. We continued to talk and enjoy each other's company for the rest of the afternoon. Once Stella was tucked into bed for the evening, we opened up a bottle of wine and sat in front of the fireplace.
"Can I ask you something Selena?"
"Mmm hmm." I answered lazily.
"How come you haven't tried seeing other people." She asked.
I let out a long sigh before answering. "I'm in love with Demi. It doesn't matter how long she leaves or what she does to me. I can't get away from her." I answered sadly.
"I don't buy that." She boldly states. "I think you're afraid of change. I think you're afraid of being truly happy."
"Tay, even if I was open to dating, I'm so freakin damaged and hurt its not even funny." I stated. "I'm just not ready. She's literally the only person I've ever been with."
"What? What about Justin, Nick and the other Taylor?" She asked, her blue eyes shocked.
"Nope." I said quietly.
"Wow Sel. I had no idea." She said staring at me amazed.
As the night wore on, we got drunker. I hadn't felt so at ease in a long time. Before either of us realized what was happening we were locked in a kiss. It wasn't just any kiss either. It was passionate and urgent. When we pulled apart and as I stared into her blue eyes, I realized I had another chance at happiness. I liked the way I felt in her arms. I needed her I realized.
"Taylor. Lets go upstairs." I husked. She didn't say a word. She took me upstairs and led me into my bedroom. For the first time in my life. I spent the night with someone that wasn't Demi.
I woke up several hours later with a slight headache. It was still dark out and as I looked at the blue eyed woman sleeping next to me, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I carefully got out of bed and pulled on my robe. I went to Stella's room to check on her. She was sleeping peacefully. I pulled her blankets up to her chin and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. As I turned to leave, the book Demi sent her caught my eye. It was a worn leather pins journal. It looked like it was bursting at the seams. Against my better judgment, I picked it up and headed toward my office.
As I sat at my desk illuminated by the lamplight, I was fighting an inner battle, should I read it or not? In the end my curiosity got the best of me. As I flipped through the pages, I could help but feel an ache in my heart. There were pictures tucked in the pages. I missed her so much. The pages were filled with journal entries as well as lyrics and random thoughts. I stopped at an entry dated 3 months after she left.
I don't know, this could break my heart or save me. Nothing's real until you let go completely. Here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving. Here I go with all my fears weighing on me. Three months and I'm still sober. Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers. In any case, I know it's never really over. I don't know, I could crash and burn but maybe, at the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me. I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right. No comparing or second guessing this time. Three months and I'm still breathing. It's been a long road since those hands I left my tears in.
As the tears slid down my cheeks, I realized that the woman who wrote these words would always have my heart.