A/N: Come on guys! Taylor is a delightful person! Lol. Here's the next update. Thank you for reading. Demi's journal entry is taken from a song called "Love Song Requiem" by Trading Yesterday.
A/N: I just wanted to clarify something that probably got lost in translation. Taylor and Miley were not dating. Just hooking up. I added that seemingly random bit as kind of a subliminal message leading up to the comment Demi made to Taylor before her car accident. In my mind those two things were my way of hinting at Tay/Sel. Sorry if it confused you.
I spent the rest of the night reading every single word in that journal. I felt so heartbroken. I never quite understood the inner workings of Demi's mind and emotions until I read those words. There was one entry I read in particular that stayed with me.
Hope is just a stranger, wondering how it got so bad. I die each time you look away. My heart, my life, will never be the same. This love will take my everything. One breath, one touch, will be the end of me.
You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth. Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past. I know now that my heart will break, but at least the pain will last.
It was devastating. How is it possible for one person to carry around so much pain? I couldn't stop the tears that fell so I just gave in and cried until I fell asleep.
I woke up to commotion in the kitchen. My body was sore from sleeping in the chair. I got up and made my way downstairs to investigate what the noise was. I saw Stella sitting at the table and Taylor was cooking breakfast. As I took in the scene in front of me, I felt slightly panicked.
"Taylor, what are you doing?" I asked my voice strained.
"Making some breakfast." She smiled.
"Look, last night was..." I stopped when I remembered Stella was in the room.
"Sel. It's just breakfast. I'm not asking you to marry me. Relax." She said slowly.
"I just need a minute." I said as I turned and left the room.
I had no idea what I was feeling. I was torn. Demi left me here. I couldn't wait forever. That's what I've been doing. Waiting and hoping and becoming more empty and numb as time crawled by. I don't think I can do it much longer. Last night was the first time I felt loved since that night I spent wrapped up in Demi's arms a year ago. I flopped down on the couch and buried my face in my hands. I didn't know what to do.
As I made my way back into the kitchen, Taylor was serving breakfast.
"I think we should talk." I stated. She nodded and followed me out of the kitchen into the den.
"I'm not ready for all this." I told her as we sat on the couch. "It's too much."
"Sel, you can't sit here and tell me you didn't feel the connection we shared. I know you did. I understand that it was probably difficult waking up to find me cooking your daughter breakfast. I apologize. She woke up and came into the room looking for you and found me instead."
"Oh shit." I cursed placing my palm on my forehead. "What did you tell her?"
"That you let me borrow your bed. Then she asked if I could cook her something and I said yes."
"You could have woke me up." I stated annoyed.
"I suppose, but I had no idea where you were." She informed me.
"Fair enough." I sighed.
"Sel. I want you to give us a chance. We can take it as slow as you want. I really feel like we have something here." She said looking at me hopefully.
I realized that talking to her had calmed my nerves quite a bit. I smiled as I looked into her hopeful eyes. She was so full of life. She was kind and honest. I cared about her tremendously. I felt a connection with her.
"Yeah." I said softly. "I'd like that." I leaned in and connected our lips. It felt good to kiss her. "Let's go eat." I said as we both got up and headed back into the kitchen. As we both made our way to our seats, I noticed that Stella was eyeballing the both of us. She looked as if he was scowling.
"Stella, are you ok?" I asked her.
"What were you guys doing?" She asked. Taylor's eyes got big.
"We were just talking." I answered carefully. "Why?"
"Cuz you're acting weird." She stated while eating her pancakes. "Why was auntie Taylor in your room last night?" She continued interrogating. I nearly choked on my eggs.
"Umm, because she had a little too much to drink, like adults do sometimes, and I wanted to make sure she was safe." I answered trying to sound cheerful.
"Well, you don't like it when Mama drinks, so how come she gets to?" She said pointing an accusing finger at Taylor. Oh shit. I thought. I could tell Taylor wanted to help but I shook my head no.
"Young lady. This conversation is not appropriate. You will finish breakfast and then get ready for your music lessons." I said sternly.
We finished breakfast in silence. Once everyone was finished I was thankful. This was going to be a rough adjustment. I thought to myself.
Time continued to pass. Stella became more comfortable having Taylor around. We were able to be affectionate around her and that allowed our relationship to grow. I attended all of her public work functions when my schedule allowed it and she attended mine. We were the new "it" couple. Whatever the hell that meant. Slowly but surely I felt the hold Demi had on my heart lessening. I didn't think of her as often as I used to. It was a relief.
By the end of the year, I had asked Taylor to move in. She offered to help me pack up Demi's stuff and I agreed. As I watched the movers load the boxes of her stuff, I was surprised that it didn't really upset me. As I watched the piano leave, that was a different story entirely. As it passed me, I ran my fingers along its smooth surface. You were playing that piano the first time you told me you loved me. We were both 16. I closed my eyes and suppressed the urge to cry. I had to let you go.