A/N: You guys are cracking me up. Poor Taylor. She's so misunderstood. Lol. This chapter is a turning point in the story. Depending on how you guys react, I'm either going to keep the original ending or write a new one. We shall see. There's a few more chapters left. I'd love to hear what you guys think. Thank you for all of your reviews? I appreciate them. The song is called "Goodbye to the Girl" it's by David Cook.
I knew it was going to hurt. I just didn't realize how bad. Taylor? Really Selena? Fucking Taylor. It's hard to let go of someone you have loved since you were 16 years old. They say that when you love someone, you should let them go. They also say if it comes back, it's meant to be. First of all, that is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Life is not a damn Nicholas Sparks novel. It's really just not like that at all. Trust me I know. It's mostly just painful and fucking exhausting. Like really really exhausting. Love hurts. All the fucking time. It's also super inconvenient, and as luck would have it you will fall in love with the one person that you really should just stay away from. In short its a fucking nightmare. I have been hurting Selena since the day she said those fateful words back to me. I can't help it. It doesn't matter what I do, in the end I always end up making her cry. Why is it so hard for me to let her go. Do I not love her enough? Am I selfish? If I didn't know any better, I would say that all of this shit that's been happening is the universes way of telling me to stay away from her. Why the fuck can't I listen? She sure as hell is. She's fucking engaged. She's engaged to another human being. It's not me. What the fuck?!
As I sit in my car, wrestling with my desire to see her and my will to let her go, I can't help but feel lost. I am so fucking lost. I feel like I'm wandering around with a damn map and I'm refusing to ask for directions. It's a total douche move. I know she's home. I saw her car pull into my...I mean Taylor's driveway. Fuck that blue eyed...never mind, this isn't her fault. It's mine. I feel like I'm living under a perpetual rain cloud complete with my very own depressing violin music. I slam my palms against the steering wheel. I keep telling myself to drive away, but my body won't move. It refuses. It's like gravity is pulling me towards her. Fuck you gravity. I'm bad for her. She's happy now. Walk away. Leave her alone.
Fuck this. I'm going to talk to her. I open my car door and step outside. I can feel the breeze against my face as I head toward the house. I didn't notice the dark clouds as they loomed overhead. A storm was coming. Unfortunately, I would be the catalyst. I walked to the gate and entered the pass code. It still worked. The gate slowly opened as I stepped into the driveway and began what I was certain, would be a death march. The lone causality of this war would be my heart, and possibly my sanity. I needed to do this. It's too late to start over. It's too late to be the person I should have been. I'm constantly reaching for a heart that always slips right through my hands. I'm not running anymore. I can't. I won't. This is it.
I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I don't care how much of her shit she crams in this house, it's still mine. Selena and I built it from the ground up. Taylor is nothing more than an inhabitant. The foundations are mine. Our love built these walls. As the door opened, my heart stopped. She had gotten so big. She immediately jumped into my arms and I held her like my life depended on it. She was beautiful, just like her mother. She was perfect. I felt the tears as they slid down my cheeks, I didn't care though. I was holding my world in my arms right now.
"I knew you'd be back." She whispered to me.
"Always." I whispered back. "Where's your mom?" I asked.
"Upstairs." She said as she hugged me again. I lost myself in my little girl. As I looked up, I saw her standing there, frozen. Her hand on her mouth, her eyes were watery. I kissed Stella and set her down.
"Go watch TV sweetheart." I told her. She looked at me like she desperately wanted to help. "Go." I said gently. She did as I asked. Slowly I met Selena's gaze. I slowly walked toward her.
"Don't." She said in a strangled whisper. I didn't listen. I slowly crept closer. She tried to keep the tears from falling but she couldn't. I watched as they spilled over, cascading down her cheeks. "Don't." She repeated.
I didn't listen, she didn't try to back away either. As I stood in front of her she let out a strangled sob. I reached out to touch her face and she pulled back slightly. "Don't." Her voice trembled. I put my hand back to my side and just held her eyes with mine. She was upset. The emotion in her dark eyes nearly broke my heart. There was so much pain. I watched as her hand twitched. I knew what was coming next. Sure enough as predicted, she slapped the shit out of me. Not once, not twice, but three times. It fucking hurt. I opted to just stand there stoic, without flinching. Before I could even register the pain, her arms wrapped around me and crushed me into her. I could feel her fingertips digging into my back. I could feel her thin frame shaking as she cried into my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and did the only thing I could. I let her cry.
Once she stopped crying, she let go of me and went downstairs. I followed her into the kitchen, where she proceeded to sit at the table. I pulled out a chair and joined her.
"Why are you here.?" She asked me, her voice hoarse from crying.
"Because I owe you an explanation." I answer.
"I don't want your fucking explanations Demi! I want my fucking heart to stop bleeding for you! I want you to stop disrupting my life every fucking time you feel the need to explain yourself!" She screamed at me as she stood up.
"Sel, calm down." I said quietly
"Calm? You want me to be fucking calm? Fuck you Demi!" She continued screaming at me.
"What did you want me to do Sel? Stay? Let Stella see me coked out of my mind? Is that what you wanted?" I yelled back, as I flung my chair across the room walking toward her.
"Yes Demi! You could have fucking stayed!" She yelled as sobs wracked her entire body.
"I couldn't put you through this. I love you too much." I said lowering my voice.
"You shouldn't have come back Demi, there is nothing for you here. The love we had is gone. I want you to leave." She said as she tried to regain her composure.
"Bullshit Selena." I state.
"I mean it. Leave. Now." She says pointing to the front of the house.
"Say it. Look me in the eye and say you don't love me." I challenge, stepping directly in front of her. "Tell me Sel. I wanna hear it." I continued.
"Demi, leave." She whispered as the tears started again.
"Say it Sel." I said taking her face into my hands. "Look me in the eyes, and say it."
I felt her hands as they grasped my wrists. I watched the tears as the slid down her cheeks. Her breathing was ragged. As I looked into her eyes, I could see her struggling. I knew she wasn't going to say it. Her eyes were a window to her soul.
"I've spent the past five years wondering when I was going to get a phone call from someone telling me you were dead. I have stood by you through everything. Do not make me say those words Demi. I will if I have to. I am begging you, please. Please don't make me do this, please don't make this harder than it already is. Please." She begged me in between sobs.
"Why can't you say it Sel?" I asked as tears of my own start to fall.
"Because, despite everything I still love you." She choked. "I can't do this Demi, I just can't. Please? If you ever loved me. Please. Just walk out that door, and go. Please." She pleaded.
I felt her let go of my wrists and I let my hands fall to my sides. I had to do the right thing. I pulled her into me and pressed my lips to hers. She didn't struggle, she didn't object. She kissed me back. I felt her hands as the grasped my face. I gently pulled away and her eyes met mine, she was searching for some kind of closure. "Goodbye." I said as I turned and walked out of the house.
I sat in my house listening to the storm as it battered my house. The rain was coming down in torrents. I groaned as the electricity cut out. I stalked around the house lighting candles, as I walked by my studio I noticed my acoustic guitar sitting on one of my guitar racks. I walked over to it and read the words that were scrawled across it in a sharpie pen. Selena loves Demi. You wrote that the night before I left to go on tour after we had gotten married. I sat down in a chair and picked it up. I closed my eyes and did the only thing I could do. I poured my heart out and cried as I wrote the last song I would ever write for you.
I strummed my guitar and committed each and every word to memory as they fell from my lips.
Paint another picture black and blue
Take another moment, one or two
Just to get over you
When did all the gold around us rust?
Turning all the love we had to dust
It took the best of you
It took the best of you
Oh I've got nowhere to hide
Say my goodbye to the girl
I'm leaning on the edge
I'm jumping off the ledge
Take another picture off the wall
Just another moment, watch it fall
Into the ocean blue
Take a look at where we used to be
Now I'm just a vessel lost at sea
I can't get over you
I don't know what to do
Oh I've got nowhere to hide
Say my goodbye to the girl
I'm leaning on the edge
I'm jumping off the ledge
Watching the night do what the light never could
So tell me I'm crazy
It's not gonna save me
From holding my breath
Til the lines blur
Cause I've got nowhere to hide
Say my goodbye to the girl
Oh, goodbye to the girl
Paint another picture black and blue
Take another moment, one or two
Oh I've got nowhere to hide
Say my goodbye to the girl
I'm leaning on the edge
I'm jumping off the ledge
Watching the night do what the light never could
So tell me I'm crazy
It's not gonna save me
From holding my breath
Til the lines blur
Cause I've got nowhere to hide
Say my goodbye to the girl
And goodbye to the world
Oh, goodbye to the world
Once I finished I let the guitar fall to floor. I buried my face in my hands and did the only thing I could do. I cried.