Splinter Cynic: Kyonviction
A/N: This is the twenty-first chapter of Kyon! Do Everything! This gonna the first work to published in 2016. Now I know what you're thinking: When will this ever end? Why are you using outdated memes and games? Yeah, i ask that question myself. My tendency to incorporate what interests me at the moment. This is one reason I take so long to finish this, I reckon that this will be wrapped up in a dozen or so more chapters. Already this has dragged on for five years. As for the other stuff referenced, it's due to my preferences. Now I add to the pot Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, Hiimdaisy's Let's Destroy the Shagohod, Auzzie Gamer's Let's Play Splinter Cell: Conviction, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (GOTY 2015), and a sprinkling of Team Fortress 2, courtesy of my pal Peacekeeper 37. Thanks friend.
I'm somewhat saddened when I learned about why Fullmetal Chao deleted his masterpiece The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya. It had to do with concerns over copyright in one of his episodes and he decided to give up as he can't fight the issue any longer. If anyone knows him, please give him my thanks and sympathies. He was one of my for Kyon! Do Everything! And if he wants some cheering up, he can drop by here and say hello.
By the way, never watch Buko No Pico EVER! That is the most disgusting piece of crap you'll ever come across. A favorite of trolls in the internet. If you do want to watch, do so at your own risk. Look up Wikipedia first. Save you a lot of trouble scrubbing your brain (plus eyes and ears) with Oxy-Bleach later on.
They have wisdom of butterfly effect...
Kyon was taking a piss in the latrine. He always called a bathroom a latrine. It was from his days which he rather not talk about, days that brought nothing but death and pain. Everywhere he would have nightmares of his times across the world, hunting for the demons that made him who he was.
Each night all he had was terror, every time he woke up, he felt like a part of him was missing. A phantom pain.
"Why are we still here?", he asked the mirror. "Just to suffer? Every night, I can feel my leg... And my arm... even my fingers... The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting..." He grabbed the edges of the mirror and in a shaky voice begged, "It's like they're all still there. You feel it, too, don't you? I'm gonna make them give back our past!"
Then a blue morpho butterfly, which can only be found in Latin America, fluttered inside the latrine. Kyon looked at it in as he reached out to it. The butterfly landed on his finger.
His middle finger.
He hunched over and spoke softly, earnestly, "Butterfly, what is your wisdom?"
And he looked down at its majestic form, flexing its wings as if to show its strength. It answered, "The men and I had fought through the most bitter of winters on the Eastern Front - We were no strangers to the cold... Even now, the blood in my veins chills when I think back to the events of that day... Far, far from home..."
Kyon's eyes went wide. "Reznov?" he exclaimed.
"It is I, Mason," Reznov the... "butterfly" replied. "Still in one piece, my friend?"
"I'm good," Kyon said, his face lit up in a smile. "Never thought I'd see you alive."
"Nor I you, my friend. I am here with a warning your friends would do well to heed."
"What is?"
"Dragovich is planning an attack on the west."
His eyes narrowed in anger. "Dragobitch. I knew we'd see him again."
"His influence spreads like a cancer. Even the Kremlin does not know what he is truly planning. He must be stopped, Mason. Dragovich, Kravchenko, Steiner. All must die."
"They so are," he agreed. "Things are turning to shit at the village." And he explained briefly from the investigation of Frank Cotton to meeting the villagers, their suspicions, the people of South Park coming for a visit up to the incident with Shion, which nearly resulted in an angry mob had it not been for one of the citizens, one Randy Marsh.
"The enemy's courage could be the result of their newfound ally..." Reznov finally said.
"Yeah, but I'm being bossed around by Haruhi, who believes we're up against a criminal conspiracy," he said sadly. "They don't know what they're up against."
"Reznov" flapped his wings in thought. "Mason, listen to me...we are running out of time, my friend... Can you trust your leaders to destroy it, or do you think they will use it? The flag may be different but the methods are the same. They will use you, as they used me...You must decide...decide what you think is worth fighting for...Dragovich...Kravchenko...Steiner...These 'men' must die."
Then the butterfly flew away - and so he went to war.
-Metal Gear Solid V The Phantom Pain OST- Beautiful Mirage - The Vision Fades plays-
In the bathroom downstairs Randy was feeling indecisive. Late that afternoon he had taken an out-of-the-body experience and met Rika Furude, who told him that something in the village was afoot that could threaten everybody and that he was chosen for the task. It was too much for him to take in and now he was unsure whether he can pull this off.
Then a blue Morpho butterfly flew in. Randy looked up as the fly-butt flapped gracefully around. Gazing at its beauty he held up his hand and it landed daintily on the tip of his fingers.
"Butterfly, what is your wisdom?" he asked.
And he looked down at its majestic form, flexing its wings as if to show me its strength.
-*record scratch*-
Shiah LaBeouf's head popped out! "DO IT!" it shouted, flexing its wings for emphasis. "JUST DO IT!" Then it fluttered away.
The butterfly's words lightened Randy's heart and put some steel into it.
And so Randy went to war.
Back at the Furude residence, Rika smiled as she held a marble full swirling green light. "Rika Furude, you are of genius." She sipped her Bernkastel. "Thanks for your help, Hanyuu. That butterfly trick of yours really got the ball rolling and really help me delve into their minds. And you look good being a prosthetic testicle."
"Hau~, hau~," Hanyuu whimpered from inside the ball.
Village Sneaking, Part Deux...
Yuki was breathing heavily while she watched Tsukasa taking a bath. She's watching through the window but Yuki used some lightbending to render herself invisible to the naked eye.
"My precious flower," she said softly, lustily. "So sweet and innocent." Here wide, hungry eyes drunk in Tsukasa's beauty, the mist from the steam obscured much of her beautiful body. Better that way, she thought. It left much to her imagination, that sweet girl with her hawt body... Smooth... supple... fair-
Her smartphone blared Hard Like Heroic, instantly alarming the alien. She dropped the stealth camo and got, fumbling with her pockets. She dug out a rubber ducky, a deck of To Love-Ru playing cards featuring nude girls, a tin of konpeito, her Ryou Fujibayashi Stalker Album Vol. 4, some five hundred yen until she finally got her cell.
"Yuki, you there?" Kyon asked.
"Yes, Kyon," she replied in a monotone. "You disturbed my alone time."
Kyon blinker his eyes. "Alone time? Forget about it right now, we have bigger issues to attend to."
"What's that?" she inquired. She listened to him for a moment. "I see. I will be right there." She then looked longingly at the window. "Off I go, my sweet princess." She blew a flying kiss at it before leaving. Then the window opened, out was curious Tsukasa, wary and unmindful of her nudity, all for the outside world to see.
"Hello?" she asked in her sweet moe voice. "Who's there?" Nothing answered. It made some guy in the woods punch his own cherry repeatedly.
Taniguchi and Kyon where walking together to Itsuki's room. Yuki slid in beside the cynic. He said, "Haruhi's wants Itsuki on this shit," Kyon expounded, "finally, after letting that homogay sit his ass with the rest of us doing the real work."
"Itsuki does have a skill with bureaucracy, Kyon," Yuki monotoned. "It is why he was appointed second-in-command by Suzumiya."
"Yeah, a pretty face and some smooth talk oughtta do it," he conceded.
"Let's go check Tsuruya," the playboy said. "See if she's okay. She hasn't been doing well lately." They opened the door to Tsuruya's room only to see a disturbing sight.
Inside they saw Tsuruya seated at the end of a long table with a bowl in front of her holding an upright spoon with her eyes closed. At the window behind her there's a roaring fire. LOL Fang-tan was starring back at them with lifeless, piercing eyes that seemed to look into their souls.
"... Gni-hton... si... ereht..." she moaned in a monotone.
And her head fell into the bowl with a splat.
"Stare..." Yuki and Kyon said in awe. They looked stupidly at Tsuruya, who seemed lifeless The greenette's head remained on the bowl.
"Well, someone is drowning her sorrow," Kyon commented. "Bet the porridge didn't help-"
Tsuruya's head sprung up suddenly, dead piercing eyes and a gruel facial, causing Tani to flinch.
"There... is... no-thing..." her robotic monotone said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kyon asked.
Tsuruya did not reply, simply staring back with her soulless eyes.
The grey-haired alien explained, "I think Tsuruya was taking hard the loss of the cheese, being insulted by her best friend Mikuru and Rena, running into a tree, and being deprived of cheese."
"That's a very depressing of her," Kyon noted, giving her a quick look. "She looked like she'd been through Khe Sanh and Hue City a dozen times over." Tsuruya then burped loudly. Not to mention an eternity in Vorkuta, he thought glumly.
"Tsuruya needs help," Taniguchi said worriedly. He grimaced.
"There's only one way to get her attention," Yuki said. "Hey Tsuruya. I got some huge wheels of Stilton cheese slathered in nacho cheese sauce." Instantly, life returned to her eyes and she jumped up.
"Did someone say Stilton?" she cried out excitedly, no longer a neurotic-looking disheveled mess, which was amazing, considering her previous state.
"Tsuruya, I think you need to go home," Yuki suggested.
"Why do I have to?" she asked skeptically. "I'll miss the fun with you guys."
"Sorry, Tsuruya," Kyon said, "but that 'fun' we're heading into is helluva lot intense than a firefight in Saigon's red light district."
Tsuruya pouted. "Come on, you guys. I financed this trip. The least you can do is let me in on it."
"But Tsuruya," Yuki pointed out, "what good would it do to you if there's no cheese?"
Then her face darkened into a frown. "I'll find some cheese, I swear it." She smudge her face close to Yuki's, who did not flinch
"You were on a diet?" She asked, noticing the smudges of oatmeal on her face.
"That's all I can find in our food packs," she harangued desperately. "There was nothing else."
"Or did you raid the stable storehouse on your way here?" That prompted her to back away and looked at the fire on the balcony. It was burning horsemeat!
She giggled in embarrassment. "Oh yeah... That..."
"Well, just stay here and go cold turkey. Maybe it can help." So the trio left the room. Tsuruya was now forever alone.
They found Itsuki, sitting on the bed, talking on his codec. They know as he's been with them since the brigade's founding and while it seemed to Taniguchi like he was talking to thin air do to the compactness of his codec.
"... You'd like to book a table for three by the window for 9.30 PM, not too near the band, in the name of Adolf K Weissman. ... Yes, I think you might have the wrong number. Alright." He looked up and hung up.
"Any word, Itsuki?" Kyon asked."
He smiled. "Hi, guys, I was just to talking my Aunt Cersei."
"Seem to have trouble due to Kyouko?" Yuki commented. "Your communications are compromised, no wonder you haven't had any orders."
"Oh, on the contrary, Yuki, we've had plenty of orders. We have orders for six meters of Hungarian crushed velvet curtain material, four rock salmon and a ha'pence of chips and a cab for a Mr. Redgrave picking up from 14 Arnost Grove Raintop Bell."
Kyon exclaimed, "We don't want those 'orders', we want to kickass and chew bubblegum. When are we going to have a chance to bust a cap on their asses?"
"Kyon, please. No one is more anxious to advance than I am, but until I get these communication problems sorted out, I'm afraid we're stuck." His codec rang again. "Itsuki Koizumi speaking... no, I'm afraid the line's very *cclllffffhhtttt!*"
"Itsuki, come in," Gendo, who was keeping his temper in check, commanded seriously, "come in, Itsuki."
Itsuki loudly crumpled some paper close the codec, then he lightly tapped it against the nightstand, making the reception seem bad. "Schnell, schnell, Kartoffelkopf," he brisked at Gendo.
Gendo remained cool although he was really thinking about sending the esper to Uranus. "I said, 'our security's been breached'. You are greenlit to rescue Arakawa at once.'"
Itsuki been jacked the codec to his Ipod and played some light medieval music. "A wandering minstral eye in the..." Then he warbled, twisting his tongue like Miley -"on Gay Force Eight." He hung up, not having to listen a tirade from the now-more-pissed-than-ever director.
"So, what does HQ have to say?"
"Well, as far as I can tell," he said plainly, "the message was, 'Howard's colonoscopy been reached. Nagisa Furukawa has an enema at once.'"
Kyon had a look of incomprehension. "What?'
"It's a code," Itsuki explained. "I'll need to decipher that." He smirked. For once, he got some satisfaction seeing Kyon's look of disbelief.
Then a knock on the door.
"A message for Mr. Koizumi," the bellboy said.
"Give me that," the cynic said as he snatched the message and pushed him out. He gave it Itsuki. "So, what is it?"
Itsuki opened the envelope and examined it, mentally decoding the letter's contents. His mouth opened slightly. "
"They're sending in a drop - tonight!"
"What?" Taniguchi was witless. "What drop?"
"A supply drop, Tani," Kyon answered. "Welcome to the world of black ops."
"They must be serious about this," Yuki noted blandly. "And they still have no idea that's it's even bigger than Arakawa - and Kyouko fucking with them."
"What? Who's Arakawa?" Taniguchi said, visibly confused.
"Just keep your questions to yourself, Tani," Kyon suggested. "You're not going so I suggest you keep all you hear to yourself."
"Y-y-yeah, s-sure," he said hesitantly.
"Good idea, Kyon," Yuki spoke. "He is best at keeping to himself since that's what he does best, probably the only thing he does when all alone~." Taniguchi got depressed at the subtle lowblow from the alien.
"When's the drop?" Taniguchi asked.
"It's 9 PM," Itsuki said. "I have my appointment with Haruhi."
"Hey, I'm coming remember? Me and Yuki will keep a close eye on you from the woods, just like we did back in '67."
"Kyon, why do you make references to Vietnam?" Itsuki asked unwisely.
Kyon then gave him a thousand-yard stare. In soft voice he replied, "Because I was there." He then turned away to converse with Yuki.
Itsuki was feeling terrified. He had taken another step down the spiral stairs - to the heart of darkness.
Rena receives some guests...
"(This is awesome!)" Kenny mumbled as he sat between Rena and Mikuru. Since that afternoon his luck had took a direct detour to the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow. First, two insanely hot girls took him in and now he was seating at the table having tea and cake with them, being served by some guy dressed like Colonel Sanders whom Rena calls Kenta-kun.
"More tea, Kenny?" Rena asked sweetly.
"(Yes, please!)" He eagerly held out his cup with wide, smiling eyes. "(And more cookies too)."
"He has quite an appetite," Mikuru commented as she poured more sweet tea into Kenny's cup. Yes, what Kenny's eating was better than having to eat out from expired Spam, pork n' beans, and day-old fried chicken out of a trash can.
"But he won't have room for cake and sandwiches," she cooed. Then she blushed and shivered. "Kenny is so kawaii!"
"I know," Mikuru agreed, eyes on the hooded figure. "I never seen such a cute boy in all my life." Then Arakawa entered the room, pushing a serving cart full of goodies. He was just in flighty mode as everyone else, thanks largely to the happy syrup. Kenny noticed him having those bright, blank eyes, eyes that he's familiar with since his folks did crystals once a week.
He didn't mind. Nor care. He was having the time of his life.
"How are my little sweeties?" he chimed.
"We're fine," Mikuru answered gracefully.
"And having a happy time," Rena said in a sickly-cute voice.
"(Hell yeah!)" mumbled Kenny enthusiastically. "(More snacks, please)."
"Oh, certainly, deary." Arakawa plated a sandwich and gave it to Kenny.
Then came a knock at the door. "Kenta-kun, would you get the door, please?"
"Oh, certainly." Arakawa daintily walked to the door and opened.
"Good evening, Rena." Enter the greenette leader of the Games Club, followed by the Magician of Words, the cunning miko, the blonde trapmaster, and her nii-nii.
"Good evening, Mion," the redhead replied cheerily. "It's so nice of you to drop by. Sorry to miss the hearing of your will, Mion."
"That's alright." She followed Rena into the dining room. "I'm now officially the head of the Sonozaki family."
"Oh, that's wonderful! It calls for celebration."
"And why aren't we celebrating with Rika's inherited hoard of booze?" Keiichi noticed. "I mean people celebrate with booze since time immemorial."
Arakawa gasped. "Keiichi, why are you in a hurry to get drunk? We have delightful children here." And that includes a drunken shrine maiden with blue hair.
"No fair," he sulked.
"Come along then," Rena said, "let's get seated. Rena has made delightful treats." After the three busty girls gave Kenny a few hugs and causing Keiichi blueballs, everyone got seats and treats and they recount the events of the day.
"... So, Rika saved the day and we got to boot those Russians back to Omsk," Mion concluded triumphantly, earning a round of applause.
"Stunning story, Mion," Kenta-kun added. "It drove me to edge of my seat." When you're on dope, Arakawa, anything will drive to the edge of your seat. And look's like it's wearing off.
"Sure, fine clap all you want," Keiichi huffed like a bitch. "No one likes my version of the events at the hearing."
"Well, it's not as bad as Haruhi trying to get back Mikuru..." Satoko humphed.
"I showed that harridan I have some backbone," Mikuru said proudly. It made her warm to the core at that moment she talked back to that bitch.
"Or about me."
Everyone turned to Satoko. Satoshi looked rather concerned. "What about you?"
"I met some of the most racist people on the planet," she exclaimed. "God, you have to hear it to believe it." She recounted her encounter with Butters, his parents, their racism and her resulting outburst.
"Oh dear, they are the most dreadful people to ever set foot here," Arakawa huffed angrily, very upset at people revealing their ugly prejudices at this day and age.
"(Nah, that's just the Stotches on a Sunday)," Kenny said casually. "(You should have heard them in the Republican immigration convention.)"
"My gosh, Satoko," Satoshi admonished. "That was shameful..." It made Satoko smile in comfort. "Who taught you how to swear?"
"Huh?" The reaction got her offguard. Keiichi snickered.
Ignoring the two, Rena asked. "So what are you gonna do, now that your in charge of the family?"
Shion sighed. It could not have come at worser time. "I don't know. Maybe continue with festival preparations, handling our public image, keeping Shion on a leash and making sure no one dies in this one."
Keiichi took a bite on his sandwich. "Yeah, with those South Parkers and Haruhi Suzumiya, things are getting complicated."
Shion groaned in frustration. "Ugh! That lousy Suzumiya. She's making things hard for us with her looking into Frank Cotton and the murders."
"Well, we never found the body, right?" he pointed out proudly. "She'll give up eventually."
"And if she founds our other dirty secrets," she questioned sardonically, "would she 'give up?'" Her glare made him red with embarrassment. "She just blurted it out loud for those Americans to hear."
"We can't just pooh-pooh Haruhi," Mikuru spoke. "She already ruined my life. How much more yours?"
Rika joined in, "Yeah, you're right. She pooh-poohed the effects her reckless involvement will have on us." At this very moment, Kyon is travelling with his friends back here. According to plan. Nipah~.
"And pooh-poohed the rest of the Brigade," the moe added. "She pooh-poohs on everything."
"Don't worry, Rena will make sure she doesn't pooh-pooh any further," Rena said ominously. I wonder what Mr. Marsh's up to?
Shion finished her cup. "Well, I hope so, Rena. You know, if there's one thing I've learned from living here, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh." She refilled her cup of tea. "I knew a man, who got pooh-poohed, made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh." She dropped two lumps of sugar in her tea. "He pooh-poohed it! Fatal error!" She stirred her tea excitedly. "Cos it turned out all along that the villager who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of fellow villagers who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end, the village was in shambles. Morale totally destroyed." She removed her spoon. "By pooh-pooh!" She sipped her tea.
"So what should do then?" Keiichi asked. "Besides exciting my scat fetish."
"She'll probably be here back at night," the moe pointed out. "She'll stop at nothing until she solves a mystery."
"I certainly agree." Shion rubbed her jaw. "What's the first place she'll hit?"
"Who knows," the miko butted in, "the Saiguden or the shrine, whichever comes first."
"What are we waiting for then?" Keiichi said. "Let's get to it."
"But first let's play a game," Shion announced. "Because we are the Games Club!"
"I don't see the point in tarrying further," Keiichi noted, "but a little game wouldn't hurt." So everyone in the Games Club, by order of the new head(on shoulders) of the Sonozaki family, de-facto dictator of the village, and president of the Games Club, played a game where the stakes are high.
Shack in The Woods…
Taniguchi looked uneasily around his surroundings. He was back in the village where he spent the night in the outskirts. Where he and Kyon drew watch, where they witnessed a vaguely nefarious plot in the making... and where he met the vicious ghost panda.
He should have been staying over at the hotel. Warm bed, hot food, cold drink. Instead, Haruhi roped him in together with Itsuki, needing extra hands, she said. And even though he wasn't, until yesterday, a full member of the SOS Brigade, refusing Haruhi's request is courting her wrath. "Haruhi, why didn't you include Sasaki and her friends?"
She gave him a glare. "That's preposterous," she whispered in a offended tone. "I am not about to share credit with that hussy and her freaks."
"But wouldn't it be better if we have more hands?" he pointed out the obvious.
"Great idea," Haruhi agreed. Then she replied, "But I'm just scouting out so I only need one peon. I need all the slaves I can get when we move in." How, charitable and reassuring, Haruhi. Best club leader ever!
They weren't alone though. Kyon and Yuki were following them from the bushes, out of sight from the rest of the trio. Her loud talking most probably kept them from hearing the rustling of bushes. So much for being discrete.
"... This saiguden must have loads of torture tools and ancient artifacts," she blurted loudly. "It's only natural they murder him there."
"How about the flash of light that guy said?" Itsuki asked
"Could be aliens operating on him," she answered cockily. "Oh shit! What if Hinamizawa is populated by aliens, the village must be their outpost in preparation for an invasion from outer space?"
"Well, I think that changes the equation." He looked rather uneasy. "We might be walking into a trap."
"Well, that's why we've got Taniguchi with us."
Taniguchi felt he should have ran away when he had a chance back at the hotel. Now he should be running now but he knew Haruhi would deck him hard on the ground if he tried. Damn you, Kunikida, he thought bitterly. You're back there sleeping in a warm bed while my ass is about to be gutted like a stuffed pig. If it wasn't for the fact that Kyon and Yuki were shadowing them, he'd be darting his eyes in the dark woods at every rustle and snap of the vegetation, fearing that something's waiting to jump them.
After listening to Haruhi's wild conspiracy rants, they neared the village. She became quiet and they went off the trail they took and through the undergrowth. "Let's find their little garden shed," she finally whispered. Remembering the account brought back to them by the Lucky Star girls, they later found the Saiguden.
Haruhi grimaced as she saw the dark shed. "There it is, the jackpot."
Itsuki's head emerged from the bushes right next to Haruhi. "Look's deserted."
"Only in the surface." Her eyes glimmered with anticipation. "Who knows what's behind those doors."
"We should work quickly," he suggested. "Since our provocation for the past two days, they'll be checking out points of interest like this soon."
"That's the spirit," she said approvingly. "Let's do some investigation."
"More like breaking and entering," the esper quipped.
"What?" She swung her head in response.
He changed his tone, "Uh, let's get to it then."
"Good." She looked at the playboy. "Taniguchi. You watch out for those Games Club losers." She made a sneaky crouch in spite of the fact that she just emerged into an space. "Coast is clear. Let's go." She motioned for them to get out. Itsuki followed suit. Taniguchi remained, which she noticed after a few seconds waiting.
"Come on, playboy. If you don't get your ass here, you'll be 'demon'd away' by me," she growled irritably.
He gulped and stepped forward, trying hard to control the shaking in his body. He knew at this very moment he was walking to his death sentence. While he nervouslyl ike he was navigating a minefield, Haruhi simply hammed it up by crouching like Sam Fisher.
"They're going in," Yuki said from the bushes.
"For once I'd like to see Haruhi's on the line," Kyon muttered in satisfaction. Too bad though that the dark night kept him from seeing his boss's shapely fanny too.
The trio were now on the footsteps of the shed. "Gentlemen," she announced. "We've hit the mother load."
"O-okay," Taniguchi cut in nervously. "Come we go home now?"
That earned him an outraged glare. "You running away? Where's your sense of adventure!?"
"My sense of adventure," he said sheepishly, "took off last night after hearing about Keiichi and Mion's evil plan."
She cocked a skeptical eye. "Really? I believed it left when you entered high school. No wonder you never get laid." She turned back to the door. "Now we just need to find a way to break this down."
"Excuse me, Haruhi," Itsuki spoke, "but I think breaking through the front is the least subtle of entrances."
"Fine," she pouted, arms crossed. "You gotta a better idea?"
"Let's find alternatives then," he suggested. "We could go under the crawlspaces or up on the roof."
"Nice idea," she agreed. "Still takes time though. Not to mention a clean break." She leaned on the door. "I mean we didn't bring any- WAAH!" The doors caved in and parted, causing her to fall.
Itsuki bent over to help her up. "Haruhi, you just opened the door."
"I did?" She dusted herself. "Woohoo! Score three for the Brigade!"
"I think you need to keep it down," he whispered urgently. "Who knows who might-"
"Screw that," she said loudly. "Let's check this place out for more clues. Taniguchi, watch this door."
The playboy asked nervously,"Uh... From inside or outside?"
The goddess blinked. "How about you make up your own mind? Sheesh, do I have to think for you all the time?" She went inside, followed by the esper. The playboy did what his instincts told and fell in.
-Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni OST - Oyashiro-sama 2 plays-
Once inside, Haruhi lit up her flashlight and had a look of a kid in a candy store. The contents were an enormous and veritable treasure trove of ancient items from various location of the world and time periods in history. "Oh gosh... Iron maidens... Suits of armor... Torture equipment! These guys must be loaded!"
"Interesting specimens," Itsuki agreed. "Look's like we're in a museum storehouse." He noticed it looked bigger in the inside than out.
"Those dumb kids should learn to lock their property," she said derisively. "This shit must be worth billions online."
She could barely contain her excitement as her eyes darted from one item to another. "Hell fucking yes!"
While swinging her flashlight across the room, they fell upon a large statue at the end of the room. Her mouth went wide with awe as she shone the whole thing. It was a giant androgynous statue and this thing took her breath away. "Oh gosh... Could this be Oyashiro-sama?" she asked softly.
Itsuki looked up too and was similarly struck. "Oh my goddess..." The statue of what they believed was the village deity loomed large in the room proverbially dwarfing the esper, reminding him off his insignificance in the world. It made him think of a pissed-off Celestial having a particularly bad day.
"Is it looking at us?" Little did they know that someone was looking at them from the shadows. Though Itsuki may not know it he felt they were never really alone. Normally, this was part of the job, being and esper and agent, he was trained to sniff out anything totally out of place, whether it be psychic or otherwise. But now he felt out of league as the shed raises more questions than answers.
"Of course," she chimed. "Just as any inbreed hick cult would like it. Nothing like a subtly menacing deity staring down at you to remind you of your place." She smiled and flashed a V for victory sign.
"Very much so," he agreed, feeling a chill down his spine.
His gut was persistently telling him that he was not alone. He couldn't put a finger on it. It was a strong emanation of what seemed like supernatural energy and the thought that something was still there. His nose was assailed by the strong smell of pine scent. "Haruhi, why does it smell like cleaner?"
Haruhi faced him with her happy gleaming eyes. "Why does it smell like cleaner? Because the kids have just recently committed another ritual murder to appease the dark gods! That's why!" Taniguchi nearly crapped his pants at the mention of ritual murder.
"We should get the fuck out now Haruhi!" he pleaded desperately. "What if they're coming back after disposing the body?"
"Perfect! We can just hide among the junk as they head back in, watch and listen as they continue their cult rituals and intrigues." The thought off catching the Gay-mes Club redhanded as they go about their nefarious deeds was too much for Haruhi. The potential expose will bring the house down on the village and propel Haruhi to fame. All the in-depth interviews, endorsements, book and movie rights. She can see them all now.
"But I don't want to die," the playboy pleaded. "At least not a virgin."
Haruhi gave him a sharp look. "Really? If you're that desperate, why didn't you hire a hooker?"
"Uh... Well..." Those very words made him think of the panda, after he called Haruhi for help of disposing it before it vanished behind his back.
"There you go," she said ruefully. "How about you quit slacking off and help already?" she demanded.
Itsuki then spoke up. "How about I keep watch while you search and maybe take a piss?"
"Good," she approved offhandedly. "You do that." With that he left the two for the door.
-Oyashiro-sama 2 stops-
Meanwhile, Yuki and Kyon were crouched among the bushes at the edge of the clearing where the Saiguden was located. If they were in the main Haruhiverse, it would have led to some interesting discussions involving the unknown frontiers of science, psychological and philosophical humor, and wit, as well as the implied moment used to tease YukixKyon shippers and piss off otakus who claimed the alien as their waifu and constantly jack off to her. However, there was none of that there.
It was just business as usual.
"Our presence, especially Haruhi's provocation, has roused powerful in this locality to responding to the increased surge of activity," Yuki explained, "which have been actively percolating since our arrival."
"Really? Care to explain?' Kyon asked.
"These anomalies held immense influence in the village and the adjacent regions. They affect even my connection to the Data Overmind with heavy interference."
"Worst than I thought," Kyon said with a studied voice. Ever since they met, Kyon had learned to depend on Yuki in the metaphysical side of things.
"A localized data anomaly had occurred in this geographic location where the village is located several years ago. This anomaly then exerted its influence, causing a resonance cascade that turned the events of the summer of '83 into a feedback loop. They have just recently broken this loop."
"You mean it's like Endless Eight?" Kyon gave her a look of worry.
"Exactly, only difference is that it's summer full of murder and mayhem."
"I get what you mean, Yuki." Kyon's eyes went blank.
"Yes, Endless Eight was frustrating."
"No... 'Eight wasn't enough... I've had worse..." He stared into the darkness. It prompted Yuki to ask the Overmind to look into Kyon should a secure connection be reestablished.
"I only possess basic data manipulation. Anything that requires sanction from the Data Overmind would be useless. Furthermoe, I can only operate at a fraction of my power. However, I was able to do an analysis of the area."
"You checked it out?" Kyon looked even more nonplussed. "What's the verdict?"
"Energy fluctuations throughout various locales are erratic to say the least but I've mapped several areas in the locality where they take place based on the strength of their energy and the resulting flare-ups, the highest levels, orange and yellow, are around the Sonozaki estate and the Irie clinic. The village itself is a rather tame green, the lowest in the scale but they are not fully accurate assessments, just a preliminary. However, the highest in the scale is here and the Furude residence, at red. At this moment it is emitting data radiation due to a recent energy flare-up just two days ago."
"Data can emit radiation?" Kyon questioned. "I didn't know it can do that."
"Yes, Kyon. This has been quite powerful flare-up since months of inactivity and its gathering strength at a sluggish rate. Another data flare-up can mean..."
"Another incident in the making. And with the South Parkers holed up here, they'll be caught in the resulting whirlwind
Just as she said that a glow of light appeared to their right, which turned their heads. With a loud whoosh, a wizard emerged from the glowing swirling mass. "Cower fools! Merasmus is here!" he cried in his enhanced voice.
"Jesus," Kyon cried. "Who the hell are you?"
"I... Am MERASMUS! The most powerful wizard of all time! Fear me!" The duo blinked twice at this strange turn of events
"WHERE IS THE ONE KNOWN AS SLENDERMAN!?" The magician boomed. "Wha- why would you be looking for him?"
"Wha- why would you be looking for him?" Kyon asked.
"That asshole owes me $20 dollars!"
Are you kidding me?" Yuki asked.
"DO NOT QUESTION MY MOTIVES!" A burst of magic power erupted on his being in response. Then realizing he was overacting, he gulped and lowered his voice. "Ah, you wouldn't have seen anywhere around here?"
"No," the answered together in unison. "Not at all."
"Oh. Thank you." Then he floated off, trying to seek out Slenderman elsewhere.
The Drop...
They saw Itsuki come out of the Saiguden and he started jogging towards their position. He jumped into the bushes with them and gave them a brief speil about what went on.
"The plot thickens..." Kyon noted.
"This seems to get bigger than we expected each and everyday." The esper breathed deeply.
"I say the escalation of data flare-ups will occur more frequently as we delve deeper." Yuki looked on. "Fortunately, your agency has seen fit to provide you with additional assets."
"Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me Yuki." The esper got up. "We've got a supply drop to attend." With that they hid back in the bushes.
Waiting for the supplies, the trio stare up in the beautiful and crisply-clear night sky.
"What shame," Yuki moaned sadly. "It's not even Tanabata yet." She pining for her Yuki right now.
"Damn..." Kyon breathed. He told Itsuki, "Looking up the night sky reminds me of nights in Indo-China. Drawing trail watch and watching Arc Light blasting the shit out of Charlie."
The esper eyed him with interest. "Uh... I see. And it's-"
"We used to call in supply drops in Laos to support Hmong troops disrupting the Ho Chi Minh trail. It was a spec ops job. Montagnards led by SOG were called in to to perform interdiction on their supply convoys and caches. We were successful but Charlie just kept on going."
The esper looked at him, his face showing his amazement. "SOG?"
"Back in '64, the CIA gave up control of covert operations in South-East Asia... handed it over to the US military. From that, MACV-SOG's born," Kyon said to Itsuki when he asked about what's SOG.
"I see," Itsuki replied, amazed. "You sure know your stuff, Kyon."
Kyon gave him the thousand-yard stare. "I've been through... a lot." Itsuki averted his gaze from those blank, glassy eyes of his, which may have seen things he'd rather not ask.
So they sat there. Just as Itsuki was about to get a twinkie, his codec rang out, "This is Rainbow! We are arriving at the drop point. What's your status, over?"
He checked in. "Rainbow, this is Cumulus, drop point is clear. We are ready for drop."
"Rainbow, I need you to activate your signal beacon so we can commence the drop."
"Very well." Itstuki pulled out something from his pants. It was a stuffed Happy Feet. He ripped off the head to reveal reveal an antenna array and a red button, which he pressed and it flashed. He laid it on the ground and walked back to the bushes.
Up in the air, an unmark Agency C-130 Hercules was flying through the clouds. "Flying over Hinamizawa, altitude 30,00 feet. Twenty minutes to dropoff. Commencing internal depressurization. Equipment check. Arming main parachute."
"Alright. We are ready to go." Shepherd looked at the real-time sat image and map tracking the C-130's course. Below the giant screen in the operations theater, hundreds of technicians were getting busy in their posts.
The pilot's voice echoed, "Drop zone still showing high pressure mass. CAVOK, seeking out beacon and switching to infra-red."
"Good. We got high visibility," Gendo said. The supply-drop was put through in spite of his protests. What he wanted to was parachute to Itsuki the Father of All Bombs as payback for pissing him off with his radio games but he'll settle with the wayward bishie when he comes back. Everything in due time, he thought icily.
The plane picked up the signal of Itsuki's beacon. He confirmed. "We have the beacon. We have visual confirmation of reception. Stand by for drop." The ramp came open after the loadmaster made some last minute equipment checks. The package rolled out of the cargo bay, out the ramp and into the darkness, more than five miles above the earth.
Down below, our heroes waited... and waited. Yuki produced night-vision binoculars for the two boys to watch while her own eyes instantly adjust to the darkness. Scanning the skies above, Kyon called out, "Look! There it is!" Itsuki turned his glasses to see a supply package descending, suspended in its white parachute and infrared strobes blinking brightly in his glasses. The crate landed with a soft thug not far from the shed.
"Rainbow, package has landed," Itsuki radioed, "I repeat, package has landed."
He received the reply, "Alright, Rainbow, your package is delivered, have a nice day." Itsuki motioned them to come forward and he led the way. They followed him until they reached the package. The triumvirate of secret knowledge reached the supply packets. They started opening.
-Zelda : Ocarina Of Time Open Chest With get Item sound-
Inside was a hoard of weapons, ammo, supplies, and equipment. "We got a hoard of awesome shit!" they chanted.
"Man, Itsuki," Kyon commented as he inspected an assault rifle from out of the stash. "You can take over Panama with this shit. They gave all this firepower just to rescue Arakawa? Won't it be better to send a team instead?"
"Kyon, they would if they knew what's really going on," the esper explained. "But they're not taking any chances."
"I hazard a guess that this is all to blow Kyouko away," Kyon noted, seeing no reason to waist firepower on Sasaki's lesbo esper.
"Or they're not taking any chances considering the reputation this village has garnered over the years," the esper suggested. "I mean Gendo is not normally this generous."
"Gendo?"
"Deputy Director of Intelligence and my current boss."
Yuki looked over as Kyon rummaged the gear out so he can sort them out for later. "So, Kyon, interested in our adventure now?"
"Well, things are really gonna got interesting seeing where this is going, it pays to be prepared," Kyon said in a casual and confident voice. "Nothing better than getting ready for a lurp."
"In that case, you might want to be ready for combat." Uyuki suggested as the screen fades to white...
Yuki's tutorial...
Kyon's radio crackled with Yuki's voice. "Kyon, can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear," he replied.
"Good. I need you to remember basic controls before we engaged in combat," the alien instructed. "First, changing your line of sight. This allows you to survey your surroundings faster. Where you are looking and quick acquisition of your target can mean the difference between life and death. To move your line of sight, use your camera buttons. Look up." Command prompts appeared to his right, Kyon looked up to the sky, followed by an electronic beep. "Good. Look down." Same thing. "Excellent. Let's proceed to left and right. Look right." Same~, down to the e-beep. "Look left." Again. "You should be familiar with the camera buttons now. Press the action button to move on." A button was pressed and it continues.
"Aright, you can change the control settings in Options. Go with the method that works best with you. Next I'll explain stances. Stances give you a number of advantages such as concealing you in low cover or going through tight spaces. There are three stances: standing, crouching, and prone. Tap the crouch button to change to either standing or crouching. Hold it down and keep it down to go prone. You can move on all stances. Do it." Kyon followed Yuki's instructions to the letter, each one punctuated by an electronic beep. "Excellent."
Itsuki asked her, "Can they hear us, Yuki?"
"I've set up a data jurisdiction where I bend light to hide us from everyone else and dilate time time into infinity, extending say half and hour into a month."
He blinked his eyes. "You never cease to amaze me, Nagato."
"Your welcome, Itsuki. Get back to checking our gear."
"Now for movement," she continued. "Use the analog stick or directional keys to move around. Tilt it a little to walk. Tilt it farther to run. Decide which to use according to your situation. Remember, your footsteps are louder when running, making it easier for enemies to spot you. Be careful." Kyon did as he was told. "Good. Now we have rolling. It is useful knocking down enemies in your way and for getting away when surrounded. You can also use to negotiate obstacles such as small ditches. To roll, tap the the attack button while running."
"Hey, isn't there a jump button?" Kyon asked curiously.
"Yes, there is, we'll get to that. Just follow my current instructions.
Kyon did a commando roll-tackle combo several times.
Itsuki realized something's amiss, then it hit him: he was not given the tutorial! "Yuki, when can I get a tutorial?"
The alien monotoned in answer. "You get none."
"But I'm a major character here," he whined.
"Yes, that's true but canon-wise, Kyon remains a primary protagonist."
"But that's not fair!"
"Nothing's fair so suck it up, cracka," Yuki blurted back. Itsuki felt rejected.
Then there was some sounds from the woods. The brushing of undergrowth, rushing footsteps and shouts. Kyon immediately went prone and crawled into some bushes. "Yuki," he called. "We've got company."
First blood...
-Metal Gear Solid 3 OST- On the Ground - Battle in The Jungle (caution part)-
Kyon crouched out of the underbrush to engage the unknown hostiles approaching through the woods on their way to the Saiguden. Yuki called him via codec, "Kyon, it's necessary for you to learn the basics of CQC."
"Okay." He pulled out his arsenal, an HK USP pistol and a K-BAR. "Knife... gun..." He brought together in a cool stance. "Knifegun!"
"Still," she intervened. "Shooting is an icing in the cake. It is important to take down your opponents with your bare hands. You may run into an enemy unexpectedly, may lack a weapon or ammo, you still need an effective attack strategy. Press the attack button on your enemy." Already the first of the gray-jumpsuited thugs appeared and Kyon went prone.
"With muh night-vision goggles I can see anything," one goon said confidently, looking the wrong way as Kyon crawled beside him.
"Wrong," quipped Kyon, popping up beside him.
"Huh?" Before he can even react, the poor goon was punched twice in the face, swiped by the leg, knocking his face to the ground, caused said goon an unmanly moan.
"Alright," Yuki intoned, "Kyon, move to cover by pressing the cover button. It allows you to automatically sprint to the nearest cover of your choice."
"You know, that would have been useful on the early tutorial," he snarked.
"It's combat now and we are in a combat scenario," she deadpanned. "Get a move on."
"Alright," he breathed. He than moved from tree to tree. Then his codec beeped.
"Kyon," she informed. "Itsuki's in danger. He's at the far edge of the woods from where you are."
"Can't he handle himself?" he complained. "He's an agent himself."
"He'll handle himself - for a short while." In the meantime, the esper was trapped by a few goons. He was sweating bullets as they approached him. He didn't even bother to arm himself. He had to do something or his goose is cooked.
"Hey, what's that?" one goon asked.
"I'M A TREE!" he screeched while holding a couple of branches.
"Okay," the guard said awkwardly despite looking right at him through his farcical camo and left off, scanning elsewhere with his night-vision.
Back to Kyon, he was ready to act. "Kyon," Yuki instructed. "Shoot those thugs. Use the aim button to ready your gun, line up your crosshairs and tap the attack button. Try it." Kyon had two goons in site.
"Okay, okay," said one of the, a flighty voice, goofing off. "Your turn."
"Okay, okay," the other said in a deep dumb voice, goofing off. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with D-*eeeh*!" Kyon shot him before he could finish.
"Holy shit!" he exclaimed in terror. "Bobby, are you al-*right*!" And Kyon finished him and moved on to save Itsuki.
"Time for a different CQC technique: throwing your opponent. Position yourself near your opponent and press the Attack Button while you tilt the analog stick. Be sure to press it when the icon appears."
Then a goon serendipitously broke away from another team. "Oh man, I gotta piss. Will this tree the potential threat of a PTSD-ridden teenager seems like a good spot- Shit!" He grabbed his arm, threw him over his shoulder and hard into a tree.
"Bravo. Now Kyon, try to grab and restrain an enemy. Another fundamental of CQC, his life is on your hands and you can interrogate him. Restrain him for too long and the average person will most likely pass out."
Copy," he acknowledged. He grabbed yet another goon by the neck.
"Oh shit," he panicked. "You won't get anything from me-"
"I insist," Kyon said menacingly but he accidentally pressed his knife too hard and slit his throat.
"*Gurgle*, *gurgle*, gurgle*," gurgled the thug as he died.
"Woops," he said embarrassed.
"Okay, Kyon, try the other guy," Yuki suggested.
"What other guy?" the man asked when he shouldn't hearing was just said. Kyon grabbed him. "Hey-!"
"Tell what I want to know," he growled.
"This is unacceptable," the guard complained. "The Expendable Goons Union will have your head for this-"
"Shut up," Kyon barked and instinctively broke his neck instead of choking him out cold.
"Kyon. That's the second guard you just killed before grilling him," Yuki pointed out coolly. "How can you use the interrogation feature if you keep on killing guards?"
"Well, Yuki, my instincts get the better of me," he replied with a smile.
"Well, you'll have to handle groups of them now." At that moment, more goons where approaching his position, trying to check what all the ruckus was about. "Use the CQC throw to your advantage. Restrain an opponent then use him against his buddies. Go!"
Kyon immediately got to work. The first dumbass stopped by him, singing a Five song, "Baby when the lights go out~" He was stopped mid-sentence. "What the-" And thrown into his buddies. "HEEEELP-"
BLAG!
Kyon shouted, "Yes, score!" But his shout of joy brought a few dozen goons to his position. "Well, shit."
"You're surrounded by multiple enemies. You'll need to take them on one after another. To do it just press the attack button again while throwing your current enemy. Just be sure to wait for the icon to appear."
"Thanks, Yuki." He smiled evilly as the approached him.
"Alright, kid!" one goon growled. "Drop your weapon."
"Hell no!" he spat back and went full PTSD on their asses.
-Metal Gear Solid 3 OST- On the Ground - Battle in The Jungle (battle part)-
The cynic grab the closest dumbass he could get. "What the-" And threw him like a bowling ball. "AHHHH!"
SLAM!
"What the hell?" cried a panicking goon as he tried to aim his MP5SD at Kyon shot forward with the force of a cannonball, twisted the bastard's arm and break his neck. He then grabbed the next one and stabbed him to death with his K-BAR. A third goon tried to bash him with his gun but Kyon grabbed his arms, twisted them - and SNAPPED THEM OFF!
"AAAAHHH! I got no arms!" he screamed.
"Shut up, twat!" The cynic curbstomped him silent.
"Doddy!" a goon shouted in despair. Then he charged at Kyon. "You will pay for this!" But Kyon tackled him down and ripped his heart.
"Look's like you don't have the heart for it," he quipped. The heart, looking like Ricardio, jumped off and run away.
"Kyon, guard approaching your six," Yuki warned, "jump up the nearby tree branch." Kyon shot up and grabbed the tree branch, climbed up and positioned himself. "Now drop down to perform a drop attack when your ready."
The guard said hopefully, "I wish I could look up- *Eeeerrgh*!" And Kyon dropped on his and his neck.
"Guys, let's get the hell outta here," shrieked one goon as he tried to run away but a thrown knife from the psycho cynic got the small of his back. "*Eeeerrgh*!"
"Norman!" cried another as he saw his friend died. "You'll pay for killing my friend-" He sprayed lead but Kyon dodged, then flashstepped.
"Try me!" he growled demonically. The goon scream for his life as Kyon broke his neck.
"Shoot him! Shoot him!" One goon cried. They fired fiercely into the woods and throwing grenades into the brush where Kyon dived into.
BRRRAAAAANNNK! BRAANNK!
BANG! BANG! BANG
KABLOOM! KABLOOM!
By the time they were finished, the brush looked like Indonesia's burnt-out rainforests, the resulting smog migrating to Singapore.
"Is he dead?" one goon asked nervously.
"I don't know... Know could've survived that," answered another. What they don't know was that a demonic-looking cynic was right behind them. What ensued was horrific screaming, gunfire, rending of flesh and the psychedelic rantings of a soul broken by his tour of duty.
Mr. Grey...
Deep within an estate located in the forests of southern France, inside a classy mansion whose interior decoration was worthy of Cosmpolitan, a mysterious, delicious(to mature woman)-looking gentlemen was seated in his expensive and tastefully done easy chair, scotch on the rocks in hand, fireplace crackling, watching from his flatscreen in his state-of-the-art home entertainment system the least likely of movies in the world.
Boku no Pico.
To add to his description the word disgusting as the sick bastard enjoyed the adventures of prepubescent boys...
What he watched can be summed in this statement: Sick fuck! What are you doing!? You're watching two little boys... ARRRRGGHHH! Jeezus! Stop it! STOP IT! Arrrrghh! My eyes bleed! My brain's evaporating... I feel my lunch- *Gurgling, choking*
The handsome, sick, perverted man was getting off from watching two little homos awakening in each other the desires of homosex. Two shotas have turned to gender! The audio quality of his system made it seem like it was a live production. Ugh! He had in him a hardness that was beginning to rise and licked his lips slightly. I'll vomit for a while...
Then his phone rang. How could the outside world intrude in his pleasure, he coldly thought. Still, not letting his displeasure show, he calmly paused the movie and sauvely picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Mr. Grey," his secretary said, "you have a call from Kyouko."
His curiosity aroused, he said, "Thank you. Put her on my secure line."
"At once, sir." Then the secretary put the call to his top-secret, ultra-secure sat frequency. He put his phone on speaker. It was then Kyouko's voice. "Hi boss."
-Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker Expanded Soundtrack - 05 - The Plan-
"Hello, Kyouko," he said, his voice oozing with smoky smooth sexiness. "What seems to be the matter? I thought you were on vacation."
"Hey, boss," she greeted. "I got some news for you."
"Pray tell," Grey said graciously.
"Remember that about you hated that guy Frank for stealing your cube? Haruhi just found out that this Cotton guy is the same Frank that you were talking about and that he has the Lament Configuration." She then gave him a brief summary about what she learned.
Grey's eyes shut up interest. "Are you sure?"
"Sure, my man," she replied. "Look, what do you want me to do?"
Grey then thought about the box, knuckles whitening. That bastard Frank Cotton, he fumed, stealing his most prized possession. And to think that man slept with him! One night of hot, intimate BDSM, and the next morning Frank and the Cube disappeared with an insulting note about how horrible he is at bed. That scoundrel!
"So what, boss?"
He gave his answer. "I want to you to stay with them and report to me when you confirmed that they have the box and Frank Cotton is still alive. I'll be there upon confirmation."
"What?" a dumbfounded Kyouko asked. "As soon as I have the box I can steal the thing and vamoos. Those losers won't know-"
"No, that won't do," he affirmed. "I need you do exactly as I say. I'm coming."
"You're coming?"
"Yes, I'm coming," he repeated.
"You're really coming?"
"Of course, I'm coming."
A pause. "Really?"
"Yes, I am," he said firmly, slightly annoyed. "Enough phone sex. Be a good little girl and do your job."
"Hmmph." He can hear over the phone.
"And Kyouko?" he asked.
"What?" she snapped.
"Thanks for the files," he replied.
"Thanks," Kyouko replied happily, mollified. "All in a day's work." She hang up. At the other end of the closed line Kyouko regarded Kuyouh. "I bet that prick's jacking off shota again," she spat.
Back at the mansion Grey was elated, even though he wasn't showing, it won't do to his image as a smooth operator. At last his precious treasure - and the man who stole it and jilted him too - had been found. In an obscure village in central Japan, where a festival was about to take place in view of American tourists, who were outraged of its scandalous history. Nothing was beyond his reach now. Christian Grey, the chairman of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc, kickboxing champion, S&M freak, author of his very own saucy, racy autobiography, now a major feature film (showings frequented by homos, freaks, horny cougars, dumb innocent schoolgirls) to which he is starring, and the head of Kyouko's agency, has his sights set on recovering Frank and the cube. He could feel it now, the pleasure this legendary puzzle box promised, solving it alone would be a great experience as he excellent in puzzles as well, and he will punish Frank, punish him good.
He will make all arrangements for Hinamizawa. He will order then right away. And there was one more thing. It would not do to have the Agency of Itsuki Koizumi involved any further in this affair. He has a solution to that little problem.
He buzzed his secretary.
"Sir?"
"Get me the bunker."
"Right away." He was put in touch with the "bunker", where he detailed his plan to remove further complications to the neurotic madman on the other end, with considerable compensation
-End theme: Kevin MacLeod ~ Jaunty Gumption-
A/N: Another chapter of craziness from moi. Now the obligatory credits: Phantom Pain's staring you straight in the face, the title of the first segment derived from a minor Russian meme involving butterflies and Chechnya, Shiah Lebouf's meme-tastic motivational speech, Tsuruya's segment was based on Dining Room or There is Nothing by david earle, and Blackadder Goes Forth, namely Itsuki's conversation in the radio followed with Yuki and Kyon and the "pooh-pooh" at Rena's place, and Merasmus the wizard. What? You didn't expect Christian Gray, were you?