The dwarves sat around the table into the grey hours of dawn planning where they would place their new settlement and other little details like how they should build it, how it should be laid out and how many dwarves it would hold. While they were doing this, Frodo was listening with rapt attention. He couldn't believe that dwarves were going to be coming to live in the Shire. What he was having a harder time understanding was how his uncle had become the lover of their leader.
For some reason, the fact that Bilbo was in love with a dwarf was less difficult for him to understand than the fact that the dwarf—who was royalty and had the loyalty of the others—loved him back. Not that he didn't think his uncle was a wonderful hobbit, but he couldn't understand why a king would be interested in a hobbit that way. But it was clear that he was, and the other dwarves did not seem to find anything odd about the situation so this must have been going on during their quest as well. Then again, he thought glancing at his uncle, the dwarves didn't seem to be particularly observant.
Poor Bilbo was practically seething at this point. He had had more than enough pushy dwarves sitting in his kitchen making plans that involved him again without asking. He had let them get away with it sixty years ago, but not this time. They were not going to pull him into their crazy scheme again. And even thought he could see that they were excited by the prospect of starting a new civilization, it was a crazy scheme. There was no way that the hobbits would welcome the dwarves, and the dwarves would not be happy being ostracized and Bilbo knew that he would once again be stuck in the middle of the troubles caused by pigheaded dwarves trying to interact with other races.
Even if most of the dwarves in the room were oblivious to the deteriorating mood of Bilbo, Thorin was not. He could see it in the way the hobbit swallowed harder and more frequently and in the way his jaw clinched even though there was nothing for him to chew. His anger was even present in the way he was blowing smoke rings.
"I think we have discussed this enough for one night," Thorin said attempting to end the conversation diplomatically before anyone said something they would come to regret. "It is late, or should I say early. We should all rest and resume the planning after we have slept on it."
"Oh we know that you intend to sleep on something," Dwalin said with a lewd grin that caused Bilbo to cough on his smoke and Frodo to blush to the roots of his hair. Frodo was astounded that the dwarf would say something like that. Hobbits did not talk about such matters, even though everyone knew that they happened or else there would be no hobbitlings, but it was not discussed. And for it to be said about his uncle . . . Frodo was sure that he would have nightmares that night, or maybe for the rest of his life.
"Perhaps," Thorin answered smoothly with an arrogant smile for Dwalin, "however what happens between Mr. Baggins and myself is none of your business. If you intend to live around hobbits you may want to learn a bit more about them," he finished with a gesture at the still red Frodo. "They tend to be very private folk."
"Oh!" Bofur joined in. "So he's Mr. Baggins now, is he? And how do you know so much about hobbits anyway?" In reply, Thorin only smiled once more before ignoring Bofur's questions and standing before offering Frodo a bow.
"I apologize for their lack of manners," Thorin said with a wry smile at his kin. "They were raised in caves." Frodo still couldn't seem to find his voice and merely nodded to show that he understood. While he and Thorin both listening to the protests of the rest of the dwarves and saying nothing. Even if they did occasionally say scandalous things, most of the time they were quite entertaining and Frodo found himself smiling at their insistence that they were not raised in mere caves any more than hobbits were raised in mere holes.
"If the idea of a hole bothers you so," Bilbo cut in ending the discussion, "you are welcome to sleep in the garden. And at this rate you may have to. If anyone else decides to drop in unexpectedly I will have no where to put you all."
"We can kip in front of the fire," Balin offered hearing the edge in Bilbo's voice and knowing that his brother may have gone too far. "We still have our traveling supplies in the entry. Won't be the worst place we have slept by far."
"No," Bilbo said with a smile remembering all the times they had slept in the rain when they could find no shelter. "At least it will be dry."
"And warm," Bofur added returning Bilbo's smile with one of his own. "And with no risk of goblins."
"No. No goblins in the Shire," Bilbo agreed. "If you are sure that will be acceptable, I will leave you to it and take myself to bed."
"Aye," Dwalin answered. "It'll do. At least we are only trying to find places for three rather than thirteen this time."
"Three?" Frodo asked speaking for the first time since the rest of the dwarves had arrived. "But there are . . . oh." He trailed off as he realized what the dwarf had meant. He hadn't thought about it but he supposed that it made sense that Thorin and his uncle would sleep in the same room.
Thorin and Bilbo shifted uncomfortably as well. They knew that it only made sense that they would want to get reacquainted after so long, but there was still much that they needed to discuss and neither was sure exactly where their relationship was at the moment. While it was true that they had almost kissed, there were still deep issues that needed to be sorted out before they were ready for that and they both knew it.
"I can sleep out here with the others," Thorin said quietly into Bilbo's ear. "If that is what you wish." Even though he wanted nothing more than to have the hobbit pressed up against him in sleep as they had so many times before, he knew that things had changed between them. The choices he had made, all the mistakes . . . they had changed things. He wasn't sure if things could ever go back to how they were before he betrayed Bilbo's trust. He realized that he may have been brought back not as a gift but as a punishment for his mistakes. He may be doomed to watch the one he loved from a distance but never to feel his touch again. He laughed bitterly to himself as he realized that even that would be better than he deserved for all the pain he had caused those he loved. Dís, Bilbo. Both of them had suffered directly because of him.
Bilbo thought about it carefully. He did not want Thorin to sleep anywhere but in his bed. He craved the feeling of the larger body in his bed. He had longed for it for sixty years, sometimes so intensely that he could almost feel him there even though he knew that it could not be true. He knew that they still had issues they needed to work out before they could pick up where they left off, but he could not see the harm in letting Thorin share his bed as they had before they consummated their feelings. But perhaps Thorin did not want to sleep with him. Perhaps the years had changed him too much from the Bilbo that Thorin had known for him to harbor the same feelings for him that he once had.
"If you think that is best," Bilbo replied, equally as quiet. "I would not force you to do so. You are welcome to come with me." Thorin nodded and decided that he would follow the hobbit. Even if it was only for that one night, it would be better than nothing. Without saying a word to the dwarves or Frodo, the two of them walked out of the room. They could feel the eyes of the others on their backs but did not acknowledge them.
Even though no one left in the room said anything, they were all thinking the same thing. The two of them would come out of that room the next day reunited, or one of them would not come out at all. Regardless of what they had said, sleep was not going to be had that night.
"You may want to sleep in here with us, lad," Balin said to Frodo. "Either way this goes, you won't be getting much sleep beside their room tonight." Frodo flushed again at the implications, but in the end took the dwarf's advice and brought his blankets into the dining room and slept on the floor with the dwarves.
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"I can't believe them!" Bilbo hissed as he closed the door to his room behind them.
"I am sorry," Thorin said even though he had done nothing wrong. He knew that he was still on thin ice with the hobbit and figured that he should be a courteous as possible. "They should have known better than to say something like that in front of your nephew. I will have a talk with them in the morning."
"What?" Bilbo asked sharply looking up at Thorin. "Oh! That. I wasn't talking about that."
"Then what?" Thorin asked. He couldn't think of what else they had said that could have infuriated the hobbit so.
"I can't believe that they plan to move to the Shire," Bilbo said. "And without so much as a "by your leave." Do they realize how many problems this will cause? And how many of them I will be forced to fix. The rest of the hobbits will say nothing to you folk, but to me . . . Oh! I will be hearing of it forever."
"I do not think it is such a bad idea," Thorin offered quietly. He knew that it was probably not the smartest thing that he had ever done, but he did feel that Bilbo was being a bit unreasonable and felt that he should offer a bit of sense. "There truly is a market for our skills here. We are capable of things with iron and stone that you cannot even imagine."
"That's not the point, Thorin," Bilbo said exasperatedly. "Do you really want to go back to being a blacksmith? I can't even remember how many times you complained to me of the time you had spent working at forges during your exile. Would you willingly go back to that?"
"Yes," Thorin replied moving towards the hobbit and placing his hands on Bilbo's shoulders. "I would. Especially since it will allow me to stay with you. The circumstances have changed. Where before I was a king that had been forcibly driven from my kingdom and forced to work as a blacksmith, now it is my choice to do so. I believe that will make a difference. And while it is true that I could retake a position of power among the dwarves, you would not be content in a dwarf court." He laughed quietly before he continued. "I remember how hard it was to get you out of Bag End and keep you out in the first place. I do not think that I would dare to try it a second time."
"That's just the thing," Bilbo said with a sigh deciding to focus on the second part rather than voice his disbelief that Thorin would ever be content as a blacksmith regardless of the circumstances. "Even Frodo doesn't know yet, only Gandalf and myself knew, but I had intended to leave the Shire on my birthday. Frodo comes of age and I was going to give Bag End to him and move to Rivendell."
"Rivendell?" Thorin snorted in disgust. "Why would you move there of all places? I am sure that if you desired to leave the Shire you would be welcomed in Erebor. Honored even! You would not have had to move in with the elves."
"I wanted to," Bilbo said slowly, fighting back a smile. Some things never changed, and apparently Thorin's distaste for elves would be one of these things. "I would still like to. But I know that that is most likely impossible now. That is why I do not want them to move here. If they did, I would be more tied down than I now am. I need a vacation from the Shire, at least for a while, and if they try to establish a settlement I will never be able to leave even for a vacation. It just adds more complication to things that have already been complicated by your return. I don't know what we're going to do now."
"Is there a "we" to worry about?" Thorin asked sadly. "I know that there once was, but I do not know where we stand now."
"Neither do I," Bilbo replied honestly. "I still love you but I don't know that I can trust you anymore. I have changed over the years, Thorin. I know I don't look it, but I am old now. I feel it. I don't want to deal with the heartbreak you could cause me. But I also don't want to give up the chance to reclaim what we once had out of fear. I just need time to figure it all out."
"I understand," Thorin replied, cursing himself once again for his own stupidity. He wished again that he had never even heard of the Arkenstone. "What do you want me to do? Would you like me to leave while you think?" Bilbo's heart clinched at the idea of Thorin leaving. He may not be able to trust him completely yet but he did need him and want him. He couldn't stand the thought of him leaving again, not so soon after he had returned.
"No," Bilbo said almost desperately, grabbing the dwarf's hand for the first time since they had almost kissed in his kitchen. "That is not what I want. I want you to stay with me while I decide. However, I do not want them to begin planning for a future that may never happen. Not until we're sure of what we're going to do. Do you think that you can get them to delay laying the foundations of their town until after my birthday? I will have made my decision by then."
"I can do that much for you," Thorin replied glad that he could do something to help his hobbit. "I will fix it in the morning. I don't know about you, but I am exhausted. Today has been . . ." he trailed off as he could not find a word that adequately described the day that had just passed. Rather than say anything, Bilbo yawned in response and began changing into his night clothes.
Even though he had seen Bilbo naked before, Thorin averted his eyes as the hobbit stripped. Somehow he felt that he owed Bilbo that much privacy, little as it was, until they decided where they were and where they were going to be going with their relationship. Rather than watching the hobbit change, Thorin occupied himself with removing the outer layers of his clothing in preparation for sleep.
Thorin slid beneath the sheet, facing the wall on the far side of the bed in an attempt to keep Bilbo from feeling trapped. He would have preferred to take the hobbit in his arms, but he was worried that Bilbo would not appreciate the gesture while he was still sorting things out in his own mind and didn't want to give Bilbo the wrong impression about his intent to wait for the hobbit to come to him.
Bilbo laid himself on the opposite edge of the bed with his back to the dwarf feeling more awkward than he had in a very long time. Even though he could feel the warmth of the other flowing between them in the space created by their shared blankets he didn't dare to close the space between them and press himself against the dwarf. Not until he knew what he wanted. Until then, it would be best to keep some kind of distance between them—or so he told himself.
Despite their feelings of uncertainty and apprehension, once they were asleep they unconsciously reached for one another seeking the companionship they both craved. Sometime in the night, Thorin and Bilbo both rolled over and found themselves against the other. It was like this—Bilbo snuggled into Thorin's side—that they awoke the next morning. Their discomfort from the night before returned in an instant and left them unable to look at one another as they dressed and prepared for the day.
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There we are y'all. A new chapter :) I hope you enjoyed it.
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Stickdonkeys