A/N: Helloooooo... :-)
Welcome to the fourth chapter. This chapter once again pilfers dialogue/scenery from the second (I think) Keffy chapter of Serendipitous Freedom, but seeing as this story is getting under way now, I don't feel that it's necessary for you to have read that story to understand this chapter. The only reason I've done it is to take the interaction from that story and slot it into this one, because I'm writing it as sequentially as SF is written. I'm trying to add enough of KFF's monologuery (is that a word? Oh well, it is now.) so that it adds more depth to this tale, and with any luck, I've managed to make it work.
Anyway, on with it, yeah?
Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Any and all typographical errors are unintentional, and a large part of this chapter had had its tense changed, so if I missed a couple of bits, many apologies.
(Katie POV)
My mind was again, all over the place, as I sat on the balcony looking out into the night sky, with an old-fashioned glass in my hand that held some slowly melting ice, and a lot of vodka. The last two days had not turned out like I had expected them to, at all. My mind couldn't switch off, it seemed, and I needed a drink to calm my thoughts, before I went completely mental. It had been a very fucking strange twenty-four hours, starting with dinner, which was unexpected, but nice, and then the night just got surreal from that point, for the second time this week. (although in the end, it had turned me on immensely, I'm not going to lie.), ended with a day spent somewhere I never thought I would be going to, in the company of someone I was finding myself more drawn to, with each passing moment spent in her strange presence.
Seriously, me at a folk festival, with a girl? When Effy had asked me the night before, if I would go with her, I very nearly laughed myself stupid. It was the last place that I said I would have been seen at, and I think it just made Effy all the more determined to take me. It also made me wonder if Effy was interested in exposing me to more than just a sexual awakening.
"Come with me. You'll enjoy it." Effy said, her calm monotone in full effect, as she lay wrapped up in both me and my duvet.
I scoffed. "Oh, please. No fashion and no hot boys? Just grungy hippies who don't bathe. No thanks."
"I think you'd be surprised." Effy replied, gently stroking through my fringe.
But I had known then that the blue-eyed brunette's tone said it all. She was going, and I would be going too. I could tell by the look in her eyes... That twinkle that gently told me that I didn't have a choice, that I would want to go, because Effy would be there with me, and not make it seem so awful. Whether that was true or not...
"You at least have to see Naomi's show." Effy said.
"Wrong twin, Eff." I said, tangling myself further into the duvet that the two of us were sharing. It was interesting, how when we weren't lying in bed, she just seemed to confuse the shit out of me, but lying here like this, it was a different story. She still maintained her manner of speaking, but was less confusing and spoke in fewer circles than any other time, which made it much less confusing for me, also. She also said a lot more, and dropped that mask of hers that I was finding to be irritating the more we went on. But then, it occurred to me that maybe she was just much smarter than I was, or perhaps something else. As beautiful as her eyes were (again, not going to lie),
"No, Emily is already going to see it. I mean you should." Effy stated. "Open your mind, Katie. She's amazing once you get to know her."
"Emily tells me she paints." I said.
"Yes." Effy replied, as I nestled my head onto Effy's shoulder. "She is really quite good."
"And you say she's ok?"
"Katie, I've know her since we were in college. Very talented. But she also got hurt by a girl. So..." Effy said.
"She's not about to hurt Emily in a hurry, is that what you are telling me?" I asked.
"You're a quick one, Katie." Effy smirked.
"And you and her have never...?"
Effy gave a soft chuckle. "No. It would be like sleeping with my brother."
"Right. Just friends then."
"Besides... They want each other. They might not say it, but they do."
"Ems deserves to be happy." I said, quietly.
"So does Naomi."
I lay silently for a few moments, closed my eyes and breathed in my surroundings, noting the soft flowery scent of my cotton sheets, and the scent of Effy lying with me, naked as the day she was born, in contrast to myself. I was topless, but still wore a pair of boxer briefs. They had very nearly come off as well, along with my shirt which had, as Effy and I spent a good amount of time snogging each other stupid. And Effy... She had been naked to begin with.
Though it wasn't the first time Effy had slept in my bed, I was still hesitant to bare all in front of the mysterious girl who seemed to be drawing me in, regardless of my held ideas about myself. Not that I'm particularly worried about a lover seeing my tits, I mean, they're an awesome set, and I wasn't afraid to show them off, but there was something about the way that Effy looked at me, that made me feel more vulnerable about being completely naked in front of her. It was as though she saw me not just as a woman, but as something that was unique, amazing and perfect. Like I was the one person wearing white, in a sea of people dressed in black, and not only that, there was a fucking halo all around me. I don't think I'm anything close to angelic, the closest I came was one year in college when I dressed as one on a float in a street parade.
I could see by the look in her eyes, when we had gone to bed the evening before. Could see just how much Effy wanted me. It scared and excited me all at the same time, and the whirlwind of emotions were once again confusing me, as I sat out on my balcony, nursing half of the vodka that was left in my glass.
That night, Effy watched me as I bit my bottom lip, as I played it over in my mind as to what I should do with a naked Effy in my bed, her beautiful naked skin on display, brunette hair splayed out over the pillow. Beautiful naked skin? Either my brain is right into confusing the shit out of me, or I'm completely fucked, here. In that way.
Effy must have known what I was thinking, as she quirked an eyebrow at me, as I was standing in the doorway.
"I'm not going to bite, Katie. Unless...of course...you ask me to." She smirked. "Just come to bed."
"You're naked." I said, matter-of-factly. Good one, Katie. State-the-fucking-obvious, why don't you?
"Yes." Effy said. "I am."
I went to step forward and hesitated. I was about to say something else, when Effy calmly sat up and got to her feet, walking over to me, as I stood still in the doorway, nervous as hell. I felt my breathing become shallow as my eyes were drawn to Effy like two tiny chestnut coloured magnets. They slowly raked up and down her naked form, and I couldn't help but linger over the bits of her that it was getting hard for me to deny I was wondering about. Curiosity is a bitch. And so am I sometimes, but that's another story.
Effy's hand came up and lifted my chin so my eyes met hers. "You are more curious than you think you are, Katie."
Fuck. I could feel myself blushing as a small shiver ran through my own body, because I knew that Effy was right. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. Because from the cool expression Effy had across her features, I knew that the taller girl just knew, either by instinct or otherwise. I had spent years looking at boys, and knew what to look for like the back of my hand, but this time, I was faced with the first naked woman I had seen, other than myself and Emily. But it was the confronting nature that Effy had that was making me nervous. Can't really get more confronting than standing completely fucking starkers in front of a confirmed, but now confused straight girl, with a look in your eyes that betrays your words and says very clearly 'I want to fuck you senseless', can you? Christ.
"Hey." Effy said, gently. "Don't be so terrified."
I swallowed. "I... Jesus." I whispered.
Effy stepped closer, close enough to me to feel her body heat against my own, but not close enough to touch. "No pressure, remember?" She said, softly.
"You say that..." I mumbled, "but you're standing very close to me. And you're very naked."
"I sleep naked." Effy shrugged.
"Of course you do." I said, my voice barely a whisper, as my eyes suddenly found something interesting on the floor to look at.
"It's ok to look, Katie." Effy said, gently, as she stepped backwards. "Open your mind."
I took a deep breath, as my heart leapt in my chest and slowly trailed my eyes up Effy's legs, taking in the smooth contours of her naked thighs and then continuing to look upwards, my eyes flicking to the space between Effy's legs, which was smooth, save for a small patch of short, curly hair. I could feel a flicker of desire running through me as my eyes moved up over Effy's flat stomach, and I thought to myself that I had never seen anything look so smooth and pure before. If it was possible, my breathing had become more shallow, as my head began to level itself and my eyes met Effy's breasts. I nervously, but blatantly stared at them, for the first time visually getting to know another girl's tits. Sure, I had seen Emily's, but this was completely different. They were firm and beautiful, though smaller than my own. And I was quite proud that nature had bestowed breasts upon me that were not too big, not too small, just the right size to not appear like a complete and total bimbo, and enough for a boy to grab onto, in the heat of the moment.
Or a girl, I suppose.
I dragged my eyes from the beautiful breasts of the brunette standing in front of me, up her collarbones, her neck and then I met Effy's stark blue eyes. Blue eyes that were staring at me with a mixture of lust and amused curiosity.
"You like what you see." Effy stated. She was right, but I have to admit, it was also a complete fucking understatement, now that I think about it. But the words wouldn't leave my lips, so I nodded slowly. I don't know what was worse, at this point. Word vomit, or speechlessness.
Effy stepped just that little bit closer to me, and I became more aware of the body heat that radiated from her. She raised her hand and placed it over my heart, feeling the quick rhythm that even I knew was beating under her fingertips. "Your heart is racing." She said, gently.
"I'm nervous." I replied. Now it was me with the understatements.
Effy cocked her head to one side and stared at me, and. I felt myself being anchored by the cool blue gaze that pierced my consciousness. I felt my breathing slow down, and a smirk crossed Effy's lips as she slowly felt my heartbeat slowing beneath her fingers, as well. "Better?" She asked, softly.
"Yes." My voice came out husky, my lisp more pronounced than usual. How the fuck does she manage to instil a sense of calm in me when at the same time I was so nervous (and ok, a bit scared, though now, I can't for the life of me think why.)
Effy smiled at me, and I knew it was because she could see the desire in my eyes, my pupils growing wider, blacker by the second, and probably giving my thinking away. She lifted her hand and gently stroked her fingertips down my cheek, and along her jawline. My curiosity partially won out, as her fingertips ghosted over my lips I didn't feel as though I could resist. My lips moved under her touch, ever so gently kissing them. My eyes closed, and I wasn't sure whether my senses were deceiving me, but then I did it again. Soft and subtle, yet I know she could feel the tremble in them as well. I felt her, as she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine, kissing me softly.
If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I was about to lose my dinner at that point, because the nervous feeling in my stomach was almost making me sick, as well as making me squirm. But the second Effy kissed me, I felt the feeling begin to dissipate, no longer feeling like nausea, but of butterflies that sent not altogether un-pleasurable sensations all through me, settling back again low in my stomach.
It was an unconscious movement, as I wrapped my arms around Effy and pulled her closer, needing to feel more of her body against my own. I still felt safe, Effy wasn't pushing it and I was grateful for it. I could sense that Effy really was prepared to let this go at my own pace, something that no one else I had ever had been with allowed me to do. This, strangely enough, was the first time that I didn't have to play catch-up with someone, and it was new to me, but something that I thought I could easily get used to. I knew that I couldn't trust my voice not to waver or break. I also knew that in spite of my apprehensions, I was so close to just throwing caution to the wind and letting Effy dive into me, or vice versa. But I was still scared, even though I felt more at ease with Effy. She kissed the top of my head and wrapped her own arms around me.
"Come to bed, Katie." Effy whispered.
I looked up at her, nerves probably plastered all over my face. Effy knew my look was a question, wanting to know if Effy meant what I thought she meant.
"Your pace, not mine." Effy replied, expressionless. But it was her voice that told me what a look couldn't. Reassurance that I was in the lead, here. I reached around to Effy's hand, and linked her fingers with my own. I felt a jolt of electricity, at that moment,realising how perfectly they seemed to fit together. I swallowed, and led Effy to my bed, laying down on my back. Effy laid down beside me.
I turned onto my side and let my eyes run over Effy's naked form once more. "You... You don't mind this... Being naked while I'm not?" I asked, quietly.
"No. We're always naked. It's only for the sake of decency that we cover up." Effy replied. "Why should it bother me?"
"Right." I have no fucking idea now she managed to make so much perfect sense while discombobulating me.
"It doesn't bother you, either." Effy replied. "Except when it's you who is naked."
I blinked. My brow furrowed, and suddenly I felt the need to not only show Effy that she was wrong, but to show myself that I could do this, I could bare myself to this woman who both terrified and excited me. I didn't take my eyes off Effy as I sat up, and my fingers reached for the neck of my shirt. I caught Effy's eyebrow raising as I slipped the shirt over my head, and paused with my arms inside the fabric, obstructing Effy's view of my naked tits. I took a deep breath to steel myself, the nervousness spiking its way through my body. A streak of boldness ran through me, thinking that it was now, or never, and I pulled the shirt off my arms entirely, and tossed it aside, unable to break my eye contact with Effy.
I felt my breathing become shallow again, and I could feel my heart thumping in my chest. I was probably fucking blushing as red as Emily's hair, too. I willed my heart to calm itself, lest I have an attack, and sat there, topless, allowing Effy to drink me in.
"You're exposed." Effy said, her voice low. I nodded. "May I?" She asked. It took a second for me to realise that Effy was asking my permission to touch me. I swallowed, my throat impossibly dry, and bit my bottom lip before nodding slowly. I braced myself, because while I knew Effy wouldn't go any further than I wanted, I wasn't entirely sure where she was going to touch me. Effy's hand reached up to my face, and her palm rested against my cheek. Slowly, she slid her palm down my neck, her touch a mixture of firmness and tentativeness, skimming over my collarbone, and across my shoulder, then back to the centre of my throat. I shivered as the cool fingertips ran lightly down in between my breasts, and my eyes flickered shut as I felt Effy shift beside me.
"Lie down." She whispered. I did as she requested, shifting my body down my bed and laying flat on my back. The nervousness began to peak again. But it wasn't just nervousness. Effy quickly sat astride me, settling above my hips, sending a chill through me that set my heart racing faster. Effy locked eyes with mine and my nerves mostly vanished again, as Effy leaned over me. She bent down and slowly began to kiss up my naked stomach, making me squirm underneath her as my eyes once again automatically closed, and I just let myself feel. "Watch." Effy said, as she paused at the top of my stomach. I opened her eyes and looked down, watching and feeling as Effy slowly kissed up my midriff and paused between my breasts.
"You're gorgeous." Effy said, without any sign in her voice that she wasn't being completely truthful with me. "Truth." She stated, before resuming her kisses. I felt herself relaxing more as Effy let her lips move over my tits, her long fingers skimming up my stomach until they closed around the firm globes, the warmth of her hands making me sigh, softly. Effy kissed up to my neck, before crashing her lips against mine, kissing me deeply. Her hands kept moving as she kissed me, brushing over my breasts, and palming over my nipples that were becoming rock hard with each passing moment. Effy placed her thumbs and forefingers around my nipples and gave them a gentle squeeze, and I groaned, breaking the lip lock between us.
"Christ." I breathed, my chest rising and falling very quickly. "Eff..."
Effy framed my face with her hands and kissed my lips softly. She could sense that I was still afraid, no matter how much my body reacted to her touch. "You don't have to be afraid, Katie." She said, quietly. "I want you to be comfortable with this."
"I know." I breathed. My breathing became calmer, as Effy slowly stroked my cheek, attempting to quell the nervous energy that was inside me. "I just...it's..." I huffed in frustration, mental, emotional and sexual. "I want you, I do... I just... I'm not sure I'm ready and when you do that to me, you make me want you more and... I've never felt this way, it's so different to what I'm used to and I didn't think it would be this scary. I mean I think it's a good fear, but I can't seem to let go of it. At least... Not yet." Fuck me, the words spilled out so rapidly from my mouth that I wasn't sure they made any sense as soon as they left my lips. "Does that...even...make sense?"
A smirk returned to Effy's lips. She nodded, and leaned in to kiss me again, before gently pulling away. "I don't deny that I want you, Katie." She said. "I'll be completely frank with you." She continued, slowly stroking the backs of her fingers down my cheek. "I think you are beautiful. You intrigue me, Katie. You are so much more than your harsh exterior. That I can easily see through. I like what I see. Not just for your body, which is very aesthetically pleasing..." My brow furrowed. "...It means I think you're fucking fit." Effy said, looking down at my naked torso. She placed her hand over my heart. "There is compassion and bravery inside you, Katie. You care. You care so much it's astonishing." She leaned in and kissed my forehead, and then placed a delicate kiss against my lips. "The only thing about you is that you try too hard to fit in with things that aren't you." She said, calmly.
I frowned. "Well that's hardly seductive. What are your other lines to try and get me into bed?" I said, sarcastically.
Effy raised an eyebrow. "I'm already in your bed, Katie. We have only just scratched the surface of what we could be doing." She stated.
I sighed. "I know." I replied, softly. I had images that were flashing through my mind, and the more they appeared to me, the more interested I became, honestly. So interested, in fact, that the dampness in my boxers had managed to become rather uncomfortable. Ok, so maybe I'm not as completely straight as I thought. Evidence doesn't fucking lie, does it?
Effy smirked as she watched the subtle change in my eyes. "You're in that place, aren't you? That place where fantasy is between your ears and no one you speak to knows what you think of."
I nodded as my eyes shut. "Yes." I whispered.
"I think you want me to take you there." Effy whispered, close to my ear, close enough to send shivers all the way through me, which I know she felt. "So that it becomes... real." She leaned into my neck and kissed the soft space where my neck meets my shoulder, causing the grip I had on her thighs to become just that tiny bit tighter. I gasped, feeling sensation rush through me that felt amplified because of the thoughts I was entertaining in her mind. I groaned as Effy began to slowly suck on the sensitive spot, my hips moving upwards slightly of their own accord, grinding against Effy. My hand quickly reached up and grabbed onto Effy's neck as sparks shot through my stomach, settling as a steadily growing ache in my centre.
"Fuck!" I muttered. "I do... Oh, god I do... I just..." My voice came in short gasps, my resistance almost slipping away from me. My mind may sure as shit be confused, but it appears that my body didn't have the same dilemma.
I was relieved, as well as slightly disappointed, really, when Effy pulled away from my neck and met my brown eyes with calm, trusting blue ones. "I know, Katie." She said. "I'm going to wait for you to want it all. But don't think... that doesn't mean... I'm not going to try and persuade you." Her last words came with an amused, seductive smirk that made me whimper.
"Fuck you." I said. But Effy knew I meant it playfully, which I did.
"One of these days, Katie." Effy smirked. "I'm going to shag you into little pieces. And you are going to love every second and beg for more." She slid herself off my quivering frame and pulled the duvet over the both of us.
I turned to her, and noted the curious expression she had as she watched me. She reached over and stroked her fingers through my fringe. I leaned in and kissed her. I think it surprised her, because it was the first time I had kissed her, and not the other way around. She pulled my slightly closer and it was actually me who deepened it, surprising the both of us. Her fingers threaded through my hair and I reached up to her neck. She let me kiss her until I was breathless, and I parted my lips from hers and lay my head back on the pillow. There was something I wanted to know. "Who taught you to be... Well, you?"
"My brother."
"Oh." I replied. "Is he sing-" I could barely stop the automatic question.
"Don't bother." Effy said, cutting me off gently. "He's married now, and I don't like to share." She smirked, blue eyes burning. It was a possessive statement, and I don't deny it sent a thrill through me.
"I wasn't... Shit. Habit... You know?" I said.
"Katie. It's ok. I'm just letting you know, that's all."
"Ok." I said. "I don't think I'd bother with him, anyway. One of you may be too much for me, never mind two."
"Too much?" Effy asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Yeah. I can't figure out whether it's good or bad, but... I hope it's good."
"Oh?"
I nodded. "I mean, I'm not really sure what I'm doing, or where this is going, but..."
Effy placed her fingers against my lips to silence me. "I understand, Katie. You don't have to say anymore." She said. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in close, and I nestled my head into her shoulder. She gently kissed my neck. "Goodnight." I whispered.
"Goodnight, beautiful."
I closed my eyes, and a few minutes later realised that this was the safest I had ever felt. My last thought before I fell asleep was how curious it was, that someone who could make me feel so aroused and out of control could also make me feel this safe, like nothing in the world could hurt me.
The next morning, when I woke up in her arms, I didn't feel the same sense of panic that I had felt the morning before. We had gone to bed mostly sober, so it wasn't as thought I was waking up in a coyote ugly what-the-fuck sort of way. But what surprised me was how comfortable it felt to wake up next to her. I mean, I didn't know what it was about her, but something was at attracting me to her, and I meant what I said, I really wasn't sure where it was all going. But I had this feeling, when I woke up next to her. I watched her as she slept, and it occurred to me that this thing that I'd been so scared of hadn't been as bad as I thought. For the most part, I thought that it would repulse me, kissing her, letting her touch me in an intimate way. But I realised now that it didn't. That it had been a very pleasurable experience.
But still, I was partially in shock. That section of my mind that thought that this wasn't who I was, the part that was hanging on to old, preconceived ideas was still very present, but I was also surprised. Because I also felt sadness, and annoyance at myself, because for the first time, I didn't want to feel that way about it all. I didn't want to fear it, and in that moment, it scared the shit out of me more than anything else that had happened when she had been with me. I found myself wanting her, really wanting her, and I was beginning to freak out again.
"Calm down." Effy mumbled, sleepily opening her eyes and yawning. "Your brain is loud."
My eyes went wide. "How do you do that?"
Effy sighed, shifting onto her side to face me, closing her eyes gently before opening them again, the honest blue meeting me head on. "I heard you. Your breathing changes when you get nervous."
"Oh."
Effy turned around to look at the time. "Shit."
"What is it."
"I have to go." Effy said, crawling out from under the duvet.
"Now?"
"Yes. But...I'll see you later." She said, getting to her feet and picking up her clothes off the floor. It was the definitiveness of her voice that got to me.
"How do you know?"
"Because I'll see you at the festival." She said, pulling on her bra and t-shirt. She slid into her jeans and sat on the end of the bed pulling on her boots and doing up the laces. She stood up and came around to my side of the bed, and knelt down. She reached towards me, and slid her fingers through my fringe, and I let my eyes fall shut. I sighed.
I realised then, that I didn't want her to go.
"You will come, Katie. It is your choice, but... I know you will." She said, as I opened my eyes. She leaned in and kissed me softly. "Brandon Hill. It starts at ten. Text me when you get there."
I hesitated, before nodding. I bit my bottom lip, and I was sure there was uncertainty in my expression, because she took my hand in hers and held it firmly.
"I am sorry that I have to go. But I'll explain later." Effy said, softly.
"You'd better. It feels like you're doing a walk of shame, or something." I replied.
Effy smirked. "I must remember how sarcastic you are in the mornings."
"You assume we are gonna wake up like this again." I scoffed.
She looked at me with serious eyes. "Who says we aren't?" She kissed me again. "Later."
I watched as she stood up, and turned to walk out of my bedroom, letting her arm stretch before her fingers left my own. My arm fell limply down over my stomach, as I watched her walk out. She was right. I knew then, that I would go. But right then, I wasn't sure if it wouldn't be the last time. Because I was annoyed. Why did she have to leave? This enigmatic woman who had set this storm inside me had left me where I lay, with little explanation.
In fact, I wasn't really annoyed, I was pissed off. But not for the usual reason people would think. I wasn't pissed off because I'd been left in bed, I felt that way because I'd been left in bed by someone who was slowly peeling away every protective layer I'd built around myself, either consciously or otherwise. Someone who was broadening my horizons, shaking me up, and changing my perspectives. She made me feel as though I wasn't in control of myself, and I didn't know how to deal with that, and that was what pissed me off.
I grumbled to myself, throwing the duvet off me and getting up, pulling on my t-shirt and stalking out to the kitchen to make some coffee. I knew Emily was I busy this morning, so I couldn't call her and talk, though I really felt the need to. She also mentioned she was going to the festival, so at least I would see her there. Hopefully I could keep it together until then.
A/N#2: And that's where this chapter ends. The next chapter will be up as soon as I've figured out what's going to be in it. (Naturally!)
Reviews are most welcome, feel free to tell me it's good, if it's shit, if I'm completely fucking it up...whatever lol
(No, seriously, TELL ME! I'd like to know.)
Until next time...
~GN~ xo