A/N: Greetings, everyone. Thanks awfully to everyone who has followed/favourited. And to those of you who have reviewed, it's been both encouraging and helpful.
You'll note the title of this chapter is not a shade of grey. The reason for which will become apparent as you read it.
I have to give a shoutout and thanks to the reviewer SkyBlue for the idea for this chapter, who asked if Effy's point of view would be in this story. I wasn't sure, originally, because it's been confusing enough for me to write Katie's POV, much less tackling Effy's. I think she's an extremely complex character, full of strange, colourful and interesting twisting corners that I was unsure of being able to capture. But, I decided to challenge myself and see if I could do it, and with any luck I've pulled it off. For anyone who simply reads these stories and doesn't write, when you write from different points of view, it's like wearing a different hat. When I was writing TPA, it was switching between Emily and Naomi, which I can do easily now, even though SF is written third person. It was hard to get Katie's, because she is not only completely unlike me, she's unlike anyone I know, or would even hang out with. So this is, if you will, trying on a new hat to see if it fits.
So, this chapter covers a couple of things from the Stonem point of view. When Emily met Naomi, and also when Effy met Katie. In order to keep from repeating myself, there isn't terrible much dialogue between Katie and Effy, because I've already repeated it from SF into Katie's chapters, and didn't want to do so a third time and bore you all senseless. So it's mostly Effy's internal monologue, but there is dialogue between her and Naomi that isn't in SF. A bonus, if you will.
It also gets a bit "new age" (not sure if that's the right word), but you'll see what I mean.
On with it, then.
Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Active imagination, and all that. Any typos are the property of my speedy fingers not registering properly on my iPad.
(Effy POV)
I had never been so struck by someone, as I have been struck by Katie Fitch. If Naomi was under some spell with Emily, I had fallen under the same one with her sister.
I never thought of myself as the person who wanted to actually have a relationship with someone, because I'd had enough problems with relationships with my family growing up. Mostly absent parents, you see. Jim fucked off with another woman, and Anthea, well... She was one of those free spirit types who cared more about sitting under a pyramid and chanting "ohm", than the fact that her own daughter was going completely off the rails at sixteen.
I've always sensed things, you see. I watch people, I listen. You learn a hell of a lot more, that way, and after I very nearly escaped this crazy life, I began to see more than people normally do. It's hard to describe, because mostly, people just think you are crazy if you say it out loud. But the best way I can describe it, is to tell you what I saw when Emily met Naomi for the second time.
I was sitting on the steps of Naomi's bus as she was painting, and we were having a usual conversation.
"You working tonight, Eff?" Naomi had asked me.
"Only for a bit. Freddie and I are handing out flyers for a punk band that's playing tonight. Should be done by about six." I replied.
"Way to sound enthusiastic about it, Eff." Naomi laughed, as she dipped her paintbrush into the can of solvent that was sitting on top of her paintbox.
I looked at what she was painting and shook my head. "You are entirely too enthusiastic about THAT painting."
"Oh, not this again. Can't you let it go?" Naomi whined, as she ran her brush through the palette, and then began applying paint to the side of the bus.
"Naoms, it's a woman being fucked by an octopus. It's-"
"If you say obscene, I will paint it on that jacket of yours." Naomi replied, cutting me off, pointing a loaded paintbrush at me.
I raised my eyebrow at her, giving her a "you wouldn't dare" look.
"I will! When you're least expecting it, I'll kidnap it when you're asleep and do it." She laughed.
The thing I liked about Naomi, and her mother Gina was that it was uplifting being around them. They both helped me a great deal when I needed it, and I'll forever be grateful to both of them. Gina and my mother had been friends for years, but I had only properly got to know Naomi when we were in college. I was in a pretty messed up place, mentally, and one day, Naomi saved my life. She was the only friend who stuck by me through my problems, and we became closer because of it. It helped, I suppose, that I thought she was fit enough to shag, but it's never happened. I've always been comfortable being what society would call bisexual. Male, or female... I'll sleep with either, it's more about the person for me. I've never been afraid or ashamed of my body, but I've never been one to flaunt it, either, there is just something about me that draws people in, I think.
My eyes get people. The same are true for Naomi's... Though hers are a much lighter blue than mine are. Blue eyes are just mesmerising...they pierce right into you. Brown eyes, like Katie's and Emily's are warm and compassionate. Eyes like mine and Naoms? They can be cool, or cold as ice, and are extremely vivid and clear.
Where was I? Oh yes...
"You know this is Tony's jacket." I said, in my usual bored monotone. It's true, it was my brother's jacket...to begin with. He gifted it to me when he left for university. I've only seen him a handful of times since, but we do keep in contact.
"Yeah. I think he'd like it, don't you?"
I just smirked and shook my head, as I lit a cigarette. It was then that I saw Emily. Well, then she was just a council employee who happened to be walking past Naomi's bus, but it was still her. She was walking towards us.
"Naoms. To your right." I said, quietly. Naomi looked to her right at the approaching woman, dropping her paintbrush on the ground. As she scrambled to pick it u, I watched the woman who was coming toward us. She was short, but she was attractive, no doubt about that, in a very cute sort of way. Soft brown eyes, and bright red hair that was nothing if not distinctive. She slowed down as she came closer, I tilted my head and looked at her curiously. I took a long drag from my cigarette as she stopped in front of us.
"Afternoon..." She said, as she smiled. "Doing a spot of painting?"
"Er...yeah." Naomi replied. "Work in progress, y'know."
"Yeah, I've seen it progress, I walk past here often. It's looking good." said, brushing her fringe out of her eye and tucking it back behind her ear.
I felt it then. The aura surrounding the two of them. I've always seen one around Naomi, it's very bright, it matches her personality. True, she has her moments, and she can be a bit of a moody bitch sometimes, but generally, she cares about her friends, me in particular. She knows what I've been through in my life, and doesn't think any different of me because of it. Nor does her mother. I'm very lucky to have the both of them be a part of my life.
Anyway, it's like a halo, or an aura that surrounds her, and it changes depending on the situation. Dim, at most times, but there are times when it stands out more than others. It was yellow, to match her blonde hair, I suppose. Everyone's aura had a different colour. Gina's is white, and I have never seen it not burn brightly. She is such a positive person, and sees the goodness in everyone. She is truly one in a million.
Emily's... Emily's was dark. I was surprised, because everyone had some light in their aura, but hers was very low. Mine used to be the same, but I At least, it was until Naomi turned around to speak to her. I watched the moment when the aura surrounding Emily lit up, and it's colour was a bright, rich red. But as I watched the two of them together, I saw something I had never seen before. Not once had I seen one person's aura merge with another's. That is, until I watched the different lights around them split, and connect with one another, until a bright orange glow surrounded them both. And it was then that I knew. That the two of them were meant for each other.
"...Thanks." Naomi replied. I could feel a nervous energy radiating off her, but it was curious, too. "You come past here often?"
"Every day, actually. Part of my inspection run." The redhead replied, with a smile. She looked at me, noticing that I was watching the two of them. If it bothered her, she didn't let on.
"Oh, right. As part of your...council job, was it?" Naomi smirked.
"Y-yes." The redhead stuttered in reply. She looked at Naomi nervously, and I could feel it so much, it was just radiating off her. As though it was something she'd never felt before. I think it had something to do with Naomi's tone, which was a little standoffish, though I'm not sure why. I loved her, but Jesus, she could be a real tit sometimes. But then, even though I knew there was something between these two, they didn't, so I couldn't very well call Naomi out on something she didn't know herself yet.
"Yeah... Look, sorry about the noise last night. Won't happen again... I'll get my mates to drag me clubbing or something next year." Naomi said, while the redhead traced her eyes over her body. If that wasn't an eye-fuck, I don't know one was, and I'm sure the redhead would deny it, because I suspected she's normally a shy type of girl. But she was taking in everything about Naomi, right down to the charity wristbands on her arm.
They say that it only takes about 0.2 seconds to fall in love. And I am fairly sure that in the space of time they were looking at each other, Naomi and the redhead had fallen for each other. I know it sounds ridiculous, given that Naomi didn't even know her name, but it's not about the name, is it? It's about everything behind the name. We say "Oh, I love that name", but you can't kiss a name. You can't physically make love to a name, you make love to the person who has that name.
The two were blatantly staring at each other, and I rolled my eyes (a habit I've picked up from Naoms over the years) and coughed. That shook them out of their visual deadlock, although, on the one hand, I really hated to do it, because they were sharing one hell of a connected moment, and I could see it clearly. Their combined orange energy whirled around them, much like those animations you see of electrons, with an atom in the middle and whizzing particles spinning around it in circles.
"Uh... Look, it's ok. I'm sure it was some local old granny on a power trip." The redhead said, playing it off like it was no big deal.
I watched Naomi as she smirked. "Ooh, I'm not sure Mrs Higgins would like you calling her that. Makes her sound a little too much like the town who-"
"Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that..." The petite woman started, before her words caught in her throat, as she got a look at the expression on Naomi's face. "You're fucking with me." She said, flatly, forgetting that she was on the clock.
"Yeah, sorry. Can't resist it with you official types." Naomi said, giving her a quick once over look. There was a smarminess to her voice. Personally, I think it comes from being raised as Gina's daughter. While Naomi and I have made up our own decisions about how do live our lives, we, having hippies as parents, were taught to be distrustful or authority. Plus, my best friend was nothing if not bitingly sarcastic when she wanted to be.
"Right." The redhead replied. I'm not sure Naomi could, but I could sense the disappointment, the hurt in her tone. Even her eyes, which were lit up so brightly while she looked Naomi over had gone. And what's more, the auras were behaving differently. They began to dissolve from their harmony and began to dance around each other, as though they were trying to find the connection, but it had been lost and was just out of reach. "Well, I'll leave you to it. Have a nice day." She said, with the brightest smile she could muster. She turned and walked away. But as she did, the darkness returned to her aura, and by the time she was turning the corner, it was as dull as it had been when she had first walked up.
That's another thing I knew then. The redhead had been interested, I knew that from when she was surrounded by all that red glow. An aura changes, you see... When you see something that piques your interest... It almost jumps out of you and surrounds your being. So you can understand why I say this is difficult to explain... If I told everyone what I saw, all the time when I looked at people, they would lock me in the nuthouse and throw out the key. Even Naomi had a hard time understanding it sometimes. But don't think my visor is all crazy colours and auras and atoms whizzing in the air. I could control it. Most of the time.
But the interaction between Emily and Naomi, the first time I saw them together... It was literally like an explosion of colour. It was something remarkable. I was seeing two people who were in love, but didn't know it yet.
It was only later, when Naomi went onto the bus and upstairs that she found the notice, looked at it, and learned the woman's name was Emily.
"Ah. So, now she has a first name, too." I said, as I read the notice myself.
"Yeah. Not that it matters." Naomi said, a little sadly. "I told you, I probably won't run into her again."
"Oh, I don't know. Anything is possible." I said, with a slight smirk as I shrugged my shoulders.
"You know something." Naomi deadpanned. I raised my eyebrow and handed the notice back to her, before turning my back and walking back down the stairs.
"Bitch!" Naomi called after her.
Sure, I could have told her what I'd seen, but I didn't. I kept it to myself, because i didn't feel the need to interfere just yet.
That night, Naomi and I got to the club around eight, and had a few drinks, and while Naomi went off to dance, I sat in a darkened corner, just observing the crowd. That's when I noticed the same dark aura I had first seen around Emily. And it was sitting opposite another girl, who looked very similar to Emily, but her hair was a much darker shade. Almost burgundy, as it were. Her aura... It was the strangest colour I'd ever seen in an aura. Violet. Not blue, nor purple... Violet. I thought I'd seen every no, I hadn't. Not until I saw her.
Then, something completely unexpected happened. My own aura began to glow. It came as an electric indigo colour. It was perfectly complementary to her violet. Sparks of colour shot out towards the violet hue surrounding her, which formed something sort of like a shield around her. But it was soft, not hard like an odrinary shell.
I think that was my 0.2 seconds.
Emily must have sensed me watching, because she turned around and looked at me. I gave her a gentle smile. I may not have known her, but I knew what she was going to become to Naomi. And I knew that neither of them could stop it. They just had to run into each other again. I wanted to make sure that happened. I was just telling her that I knew, with my smile.
I walked away to get a drink, and then went out to the balcony for a smoke. Halfway through it, Naomi came out to join me. Her aura was that tone of yellow it got when she was worried about something. I raised my eyebrow, silently asking what the matter was.
"You'll never guess who I just saw." Naomi said, as she lit her smoke.
"Who?"
"Emily." She said, as she exhaled. "The council girl?"
"Ah."
Naomi nodded. "Ran into her in the loo. She looked upset."
"Did you talk to her?"
"Didn't really get a chance. But, when I walked in I heard sniffling. Only one of the cubicles was occupied. She got out while I was in my cubicle. When I got out she was staring at the mirror. We did the whole "what are you doing here" thing, and I said drinks and a dance. She said much the same thing and then left."
"Odd."
"Yeah. Oh well, fancy another drink?" Naomi asked, stubbing out her cigarette, and walking back inside.
I rolled my eyes and followed her. See what I mean about her being a bit of a tit sometimes? She can also be oblivious, too. It was only when we got close to the bar that I noticed Emily was sitting at it. I nudged Naomi. "Naoms... There she is. Go talk to her."
"What? Why?"
"You said she was upset. Just go and ask her if she wants to talk."
"Eff! She doesn't know me from a bar of soap, that's just...weird." Naomi replied.
I rolled my eyes again. "Come on already." I said, pushing her towards Emily.
"Eff...what are you-"
"Just go and talk to her, will you?" I said, giving her a final nudge.
Naomi groaned, and Emily had turned to face her. They stared at each other awkwardly, for a moment.
"Oh, for fuck's sake. Naomi, this is Emily. Emily, this is Naomi. There, now you've been introduced. Naoms, buy her a drink or something and make conversation, will you?" I said, a little hurriedly, before giving them both a smirk, turning and walking away from the orange glow that had formed behind me.
I turned to find the other girl. I searched for the violet glow I had seen before. I found it, but it was hard, it was dull, you see... Still there but... Muted. So, I did what I knew she needed someone to do. I went over and talked to her.
I never expected to end up back to her flat. Her aura was confusing to me. Mine, I knew, was shining brightly, more brightly than I had ever seen. I asked her about what had happened, and she tried to fob me off but I could not let it go. I wanted to go somewhere quieter with her but she just started walking, and she wasn't paying attention, so I just followed her. She must have been on autopilot, because she lead me slowly to her flat.
I couldn't not follow her, you see. She was magnetic. Fiery, and beautiful. But I could tell she didn't know it. She had no idea of her own beauty, because it had never been shown to her properly. And I wanted to show her that beauty. When she told me she wasn't gay... I knew it couldn't be that simple. She seemed confused as to why I was in her flat, and why now that we were having that awkward conversation, she couldn't stop looking at me. But I didn't need her to tell me that. I knew because I saw it.
I wanted her. I don't deny that. She wasn't saying much, I think she was confused by me, which isn't surprising. I'm a very confusing person, if you don't know me. I know that. Because I watch people, and when I speak, I tend to talk around points I'm trying to make. It's been that way for a long time, but those who know me well know I am very intelligent, and they know I speak with an insight that not many people have within their wildest imagination. I could tell, though, that I was freaking Katie out. I wasn't meaning to do it, but I think it was just the way I couldn't stop looking at her. She was magnetic to my eyes, the violet of her aura was hypnotic to me, and the pull I felt from her turned my mind into a thousand hands that just wanted to reach out for her. I could see what my own aura was doing, it was burning so brightly, I was so struck by her. It was almost blinding me, and I am thankful that Katie couldn't see it herself, because it might have sent her running.
But then I remembered that is as in her flat, so there wasn't far she was going to go if she did. But I didn't want her to, I knew that. I wanted to get to know her, to talk with her more, to...
I had to hold myself back. Because I knew what I wanted from her, but even so, I wouldn't take it if she didn't want to give it to me. I'm not that sort of person. All I did was kiss her, because even though she didn't say it, I could tell she was curious. But I knew she didn't regret it once I had, and told her so. I didn't intend to stay, either, but she didn't want me to go, and I knew she didn't know why. Katie had a need she couldn't explain, and I could tell by the way the violet glow was circling around her that both her heart and her mind were in conflict. So, I stayed, reassuring her that I wasn't going to push anything.
I was in unknown territory, as well. I'd never felt how I felt when I was in Katie's presence. She obliterated a lot of the underlying darkness that I felt, and filled it with light. She didn't say much, as she lay in my arms, and I was concentrating on keeping the light at bay, because I wasn't sure how well I could handle it. She slept soundly against me, but I remained awake for a good part of the night, thinking deeply about what had happened, where was, and why both the colour of her aura and mine were dancing around each other, merging in some places, and then in others, hers was fighting mine, trying to keep it away. While she slept, I felt more of her confusion, that it almost had me thinking second thoughts about what I was doing.
When we woke up the next morning, her confusion didn't just remain, it had almost turned to panic. I decided then, that it was time I left. It hurt my heart a little to do so, but in my head I knew it was better. To give her time. As I said, I wanted her to come to me if she wanted me. It already shown her what it could be, when I kissed her. I felt what it did to her, even if she tried to hide it. The blue-violet hue that surrounded us, I could see it even through my closed eyes. They had merged, just like Emily's had with Naomi's outside the bus. I knew it was only brief, but the physical sensation of her lips against mine drew that moment out, and they only split apart again when her lips left mine and her brain tried to kick itself back into gear. But god, was it beautiful. One of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. When I she woke up next to me, it was a violet storm around her, dull and confusing. It was after reassuring her that nothing had happened, that I hadn't taken advantage of her, that I decided to leave.
When I was in her bathroom, I washed my face and shook out my hair. What I did next was something I had not done before. If ever I went out and went home with someone, leaving in the morning, it depended on my mood. It I felt nothing, I'd just leave. If I felt like fucking with someone (which I did, sometimes... Ok, so it's not the nicest thing to do, but... Well, some people tend to get attached when you don't want them to.), I'd leave a phone number on their mirror in black lipstick. It wasn't my phone number, though. It actually went to a recording that said "the person who left you this number has no intention of speaking to you again, it was fun, but basically, thanks, but no thanks." I don't know how many hearts I've broken with that one. What's more, I don't much care. But as I've said, people tend to be drawn to me, and I hate the way people look at me hopefully when I've no interest in them myself.
Katie was the first person to ever get the red strokes of my real number on her mirror. I was leaving her in her bed, because I knew I had to. I had confused her enough. I really did want to see her again, but didn't have the conversation with her directly. I left the invitation on her mirror, and yes, I know it was cryptic. I knew, from observing Katie, that her emotions were conflicted, and to stay there would make it worse. I didn't want to hurt her, so I told her that if she wanted to find me, she would know how. I knew that I had shown her something by kissing her, but also that she was also constricted by that whole labelling thing that everyone seems to struggle with. It's why I chose the word that I'd left on her mirror. "LIBERATE". Because if she wanted anything more to do with me, she first had to let herself go. All those ideas and held ideas that she had about herself, she had to let that go if we were going to go any further.
She didn't know what she wanted from me, she told me later. She held back from me, in those first few days. I was genuinely surprised when she did call, I had only left with the vain hope that she would call, but I had a greater feeling that there was a good chance that she might not do so. But still, I left it to her. I needed to be passive, rather than aggressive, because I couldn't stand it if I'd hurt her in any way. Her continuing confusion I had to be patient with, and I was, because I knew that if she acquiesced that it would be completely worth it. I knew that Emily was worried, too. She had seen the full force of the effect that I had unknowingly had on Katie, and that upped my concern about her. I reassured her that I wasn't going to push it if Katie didn't want anything from me, and Naomi told her the same, which seemed to pacify her.
I left the two of them alone at that point. Their auras were combining spectacularly, into this beautifully bright glow that emanated from the two of them. It was dazzling me so much, that I couldn't handle it's brightness. Imagine two balls of light, one glowing red, and one glowing yellow. They stand side by side, and where you would expect them to join and converge into a giant orange glow, instead it alternated. A shaft of red light would move from Emily towards Naomi, and merge and intertwine with the yellow light that surrounded my best friend, and then would go back to circle around Emily. At the same time, the reverse would happen, a yellow shaft of light emanating from Naomi and curling and twisting around Emily before returning to her. All this happened concurrently, so the light seemed to mingle into one big orange glow. But I saw different. I could see when it slowed down, seeing every tendril of energy as they intertwined with each other.
It was too beautiful for me to stand and watch any longer. I had to leave them to combine into one continuous, marvellous glow. It was going to happen now, it was just a matter of time.
When Katie called me, I wished,that I had the chance to go and see her right then. But I had to help Gina with a few things for the festival. So, I told her I would drop by later. They say never to turn up without wine, so I went one better and went with wine, and food. Which was good, because I could read that Katie was worried about actually having neither. But that was in the first few seconds after she leaned the door. I genuinely had no idea that she'd been worrying about it beforehand.
We talked a good deal, and I then discovered why her aura was behaving like it was. She wanted me, but was torn between that, and the way she had been brought up, as well as her pas non-acceptance of Emily's sexuality. Labels have always meant nothing to me, they're something I'd let go of a long time ago. We're people, not objects, so why should I attach a label to myself when I don't live on a shelf? I could tell there was something about Katie that wasn't allowing her to break free, but at first she didn't tell me what it was. It took longer for me to find that out. I almost left, because I still wasn't wanting to upset her, but she wanted me to stay. I knew she wasn't completely sure what she wanted from me so I took it upon myself to show her what could be. I told her it was going to be her pace, not mine. I let her lead, because I could sense her fear. It's one reason why the violet that surrounded her was partly dimmed from what it had been the first time I had seen her.
And she left me go further than I thought she would, surprising me by taking off her shirt, leaving her topless form open to my eyes. But the , I had dared her non-verbally, by lying in the middle of her bed stark naked. I was truthful, telling her that I did sleep naked. But as cautious as I was with her, I challenged her. To see what she would do. She reacted differently than I expected, and I know that was due to her fear and her nerves. I half expected her to run, or at least freak out. But I knew then, that I was dealing with something that was going to have to be slow. What surprised me was that I was as patient as I was with her. I dealt with her calmly. She needed it, and I needed it, too. That second night I spent with her, I think I fell deeper for her than I could understand, and I knew from what I saw, that even if she didn't know it yet, she was doing the same.
For as she slept half naked in my arms, her heartbeat settled into a calm rhythm I'd never heard, and the sound became stronger when it matched the rhythm of my own. We were two hearts beating as one, when she slept. It was only when she was awake that the rhythm became broken, like my heart was chasing hers. Her mind woke mine up that morning. As I woke, I could see the moment when her violet hue split from my own electric indigo one. They may have split, but they danced around each other, this time in harmony.
But I was late. I had to leave, so I could help Gina set up for the festival. I knew she was upset. I knew how "walk of shame" it seemed for me to be leaving like that. I told her that I'd see her at the festival because I knew she would come. She was too curiously about me not to go.
...Imagine my surprise, then, when I got a phone call from her, not thirty minutes after leaving her flat. I was already running a half hour late when I stopped in my tracks to talk to her.
I would be even later getting back home, I realised, when my footsteps began to carry me back to Katie's flat.
A/N#2: *cough*
Now, I'm off to retool what this chapter actually started out as, and turn it into the next one. As well as whatever else I have to finish...
Reviews welcome, please tell me what you think, if I've got it right, or if I've fucked it up entirely. It helps me to keep an idea of whether where I'm taking this story is a good idea or not. *shrug*
Until next time...
~GN~ xo