Strange visions filled her head while she slept. Soldiers with both human and animal traits fought against the giant, metal statues she had seen lining Asgard's halls and their golden king. The valiant lord fought hard, with only his staff by his side, on the crest of a green hill in the center of the field of battle. Light emanated from his armor and skin, shielding his face from her eyes. She couldn't count the number of his enemy that swarmed him, but he bested them all with his great strength.
Feeling as though she were being watched, she turned and found herself within sight of a beast with horns and a grotesque head upon his shoulders. His weapon was pointed at her neck as his eyes revealed his bloodlust. In a panic, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her towards the king, knowing somehow that he would be her refuge. Despite her efforts, she couldn't find him. Her view of the hill vanished and she could see it no longer amidst the sea of giants and beasts that fought around her. She knew she was lost and would not be saved, and so she picked up the tall, heavy spear of a fallen soldier and held the heavy piece in front of her as best as she could, facing her pursuer and his thirsty sword.
A knock at the door startled and woke her before she could see the outcome of the struggle, and as she opened her eyes, she was greeted by even more strange sights. Starlight glittered against the accents of her over-sized bed, and though the fire in the center of the room had died, the basin still hadn't cooled and glowed a faint, eerie red. Shadows of the beasts that had populated her nightmare seemed to be present in the darkness and as her heart slowed to normal, her mind fought to discern what was real and what was the product of night and fear. As her vision and thoughts cleared, she became aware of two things: her trip to Asgard had not been a strange dream, such as the one from which she had just woken - and she had a very bad headache.
The knock continued and with a grunt of annoyance, she found a robe to throw over her shoulders and stumbled through her room in the low light. "Coming - hold on," she called impatiently, wondering if this was simply another delivery of half-hearted tokens from the members of court who wished to leave a good impression with her.
She opened the door to find Thor on the other side, dressed without his armor, but with Mjolnir still strapped to his side; his hair was neat and soft, and his smile was bright and handsome. She cleared her throat awkwardly and ran a hand through her messy, knotted hair, suddenly aware of how she must look in contrast to his collected visage, especially considering it was early morning and he'd imbibed much more than she during dinner that night.
"I know the hour is early, but there is something I've been wanting to show you and I have not the patience to continue waiting." She looked at him skeptically. The hallway behind him was empty and silent; the one, high window in her quarters was filled still with the dark sapphire of midnight. "Please dress in something good for travelling - and put on a blindfold."
She scoffed at the absurdity of his request and was about to argue, but his eyes were hopeful and contained a hint of mischievousness; she found herself agreeing to the odd demand and smiling at the mystery surrounding his surprise. She closed her door and returned a few minutes later, dressed with a silk scarf around her eyes.
"Will you at least tell me where we're going?" she asked, wondering if he planned on walking her down the long corridors and stairs of the great palace in such a condition.
"The destination is of little importance - but you will be glad for this trouble when we arrive," he softly assured her. He took her arms and leaned down, wrapping them around his neck. She couldn't see, but she could feel his closeness as the whiskers on his cheek brushed her skin. She laughed nervously as his arms encircled her waist and he pulled her even closer. "Hold on tightly," he warned.
"When…?" she started, though it ended as a surprised yelp as they suddenly took off into the sky.
Her breath left her lungs as her head spun and the disorientation of flight disrupted her equilibrium. They landed only a few seconds later, but the feeling of the ground under her didn't cure her dizziness. Even though her feet were planted firmly, she stumbled when Thor released her, falling to the soft, plush grass of the hills beyond the city. Instead of standing again, she sat where she was and took her bag from her shoulder.
"Please tell me we're here."
Thor chuckled at the exasperated sigh that followed. "We are."
"Then can I take off the blindfold?"
"Almost," he said.
She leaned back on her arms and relaxed, expecting him to do or say something. When his silence persisted, she asked impatiently, "what are we waiting for?"
He sat down beside her, and when she felt the sensation of his warmth, she gratefully leaned into his shoulder, shielding herself from the chill of the morning. "We're waiting for the dawn," he casually explained. "You enjoy studying the stars - and you do so with wonder and appreciation, even though you have never been among them until now. The view of Yggdrasil from Earth is very beautiful, but it pales greatly to our own, especially at the sun's rise and fall. I wanted to be here when you first laid your eyes upon our sky."
"Since you've told me, can I take off the blindfold now?" she asked with a fond smile at his words. "And why are we waiting for the sunrise if you want me to see the stars?"
"I promise - just a moment or two longer and you will have your answer," he said with a laugh at her almost childlike eagerness. "I want you to see it first at its peak."
She could see the first rays of golden light through the material of her blindfold. She imagined and remembered some of the amazing skies she'd seen in her life, and silently wondered if he wasn't overselling it on purpose. It would be interesting to see the stars from a different world - and she promised herself she would try to bring what equipment she could on future visits so she could record their constellations for study. That is, if electrical equipment could survive the dark energy they used for transport - and if they allowed her to return at all.
Shortly after, Thor untied the cloth around her eyes, revealing to her a scene she would never forget as long as she lived. Billions of stars, planets, and entire galaxies converged a blanket over Asgard, forming a myriad of light and color she could find no words to describe in any manner that would grant it due justice. The golden glow of the sun cast orange light on lower level clouds, but instead of washing out the beauty of the night sky, it added more dimension and color to the image.
Her breath caught in her throat as her mouth opened in awe. This held no comparison to Earth; it was as though the Aurora Borealis had appeared on the clearest night imaginable, bringing with it a view of the Milky Way and the galaxies and nebulae beyond it, and it was all emphasized by the most beautiful sunrise she'd ever seen. She once considered bringing a camera with her, but she had wondered if it would survive the journey and had feared the Asgardians would consider it disrespectful. It was a decision she would regret, for no matter who heard her retelling of this morning's story, they never understood or fully appreciated the description she offered in her own words.
The simple joy of the sight triggered her scientific mind. Oddly, the rising sun did not dim the light of the stars, raising a questions regarding the atmosphere surrounding Asgard. This led to other questions, such as how she was able to breathe there, how close they were to the nearest star, the stability of their weather patterns, and if they really resided on a plain instead of on the surface of a sphere, as Thor had once told her. There were too many questions on the tip of her tongue; too many to possibly be answered in one short lifetime, let alone the time of her visit. If Thor had shown her this as enticement to stay, he had done so wisely; all she could think about was how badly she wanted to observe it from her own equipment.
Thor laid his head in her lap and looked up at her with a beaming smile on his lips. "Jane - what are your thoughts?"
She looked down at him and ran a finger through his hair. "It's so - I can't even…"
He chuckled proudly. "It was worth the early rise, then?"
"Definitely," she said. She sighed again, but it was an expression born of astonishment and wonder. Her quarters, though large and comfortable, had only one small window, and she wondered if it was his intention to veil the sky to her eyes during her entire stay, so he could be sure to be with her when she was able to study it. Her thoughts drifted back to their time together on Earth and the night they spent on the rooftop of her makeshift laboratory. A smile crossed her lips and warmth filled her as she looked back down to his blue eyes. This seemed like something special to him, and so she would try to keep it so. "Can we do this together every morning?"
"I believe I can arrange that," he answered softly.
They stayed in that position for an hour, nearly completely silent as they enjoyed the view and the simple joy of each other's company. Jane ran her fingers through his soft hair and after a while, his breath began to fall evenly. She thought he had gone to sleep, but when she looked down, his eyes met hers and she saw the endless blue of the sky above them reflected in their depths. She smiled as something flipped within her chest. At that moment, she desired nothing more than to delay her return to Earth as long as she could, and she pushed all thoughts of the impending end to this adventure from her mind.
It wasn't until the sun was high in the sky and the warm breeze began to blow over the hills that Thor finally suggested they leave. "The best part has finished - unless you intend to stay until sunset," he joked.
"It's nice here," she said, closing her eyes to enjoy the star's light on her skin. "I know you probably have things to do, but - do I have to leave too?"
He was reluctant to tell her about the dangers the Asgardian hillside during the mating seasons of several of its indigenous species, but he was also unwilling to leave her without guard. He framed his response carefully, hoping she would understand its true meaning. "If you lived here, you could do this sort of thing often - and you could study our stars and teach us your science."
"Your people would tolerate me? I heard I've already caused some controversy just by being here. There's nothing like stirring the pot on your first night in a new world."
He laughed, a surprising response that caught her a bit off guard. "That nonsense regarding your clothes? That is standard fare for those in high-court, I'm afraid. It is said by some that you're never truly important until the gossiping hens of Asgard criticize your appearance or manner."
She chortled sardonically. "I guess Asgard and Earth are more alike than I thought."
"The people I care most for - my friends - have taken well to you. Even Hogan smiled last night, and believe me, that is a rare occasion to mark."
"Most of your friends," she corrected, her expression faltering slightly as she recalled the words of warning Sif had given her regarding Thor's effort to keep her there.
He sighed and sat up. "I owe you an apology for Sif. That sort of overreaction is not typical of her and I haven't a clue as to why she said what she did."
Jane took a deep breath, considering her options and the weight of the question on her tongue. "What is she - I mean - to you?"
A part of him hoped he had misunderstood her, but his eyes fell, knowing well what her objective was. He knew his answer would not be taken favorably, but he wished not to begin this new relationship with dishonesty. "A friend - a close one."
She nodded. She could infer the rest, but she wanted to hear his side of it. "Is that all?"
"Have my actions not proven my intentions towards you? Are there lingering doubts still within your mind?" he asked earnestly. "What worry could inspire such a question?"
She reached into her bag and pulled out a thick book. "Remember when we told you about the myths that were written on Earth about Asgard, you, and your family? I thought I should probably learn more about the stories, considering - well, everything I've seen in the last year," she said with a strange smile, as though she still hadn't accepted her surroundings. "I know it's only myth and legend, but I was a little confused - when I saw the picture of your wife."
"This ought to be interesting," he said with a chuckle, "show me."
She opened the book to the marked page. The chapter cover featured an aged-looking man with a dramatic beard. He wouldn't have recognized himself if it hadn't been for the depiction of an over-sized Mjolnir in his right hand. He chuckled heartily at the artist's impression of him, but his laughter doubled when he looked down the page to see the image of an extremely muscular blonde woman with two braids on either side of her head and flowers in her hair.
"She's frightening," he said in his laughter. His concern disappeared completely. Jane certainly had nothing to worry about if this was her chief competitor.
"She's Sif," she said.
His laughter died, replaced by a look of confusion as he studied the image again. Aside from their gender, the depiction in the book had nothing in common with the woman he knew. "You must realize this is false. If Sif and I were wed, I'd hardly be boasting of you to my friends."
"Of course it is," she said with some frustration towards his continued misunderstanding, "but if these myths are stories built around a confusion of the truth, there may be elements that are more true than others. It would explain some things and I…"
"We were betrothed for some time," he explained, feeling the need to be forthcoming with her, "but it was not meant to be."
Jane brushed her hair back behind her ear and bit her lip. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why?" he asked in genuine puzzlement. "This shouldn't affect you. There have been many years separating Sif and I from each other. She may have cancelled our agreement, but we've since mended our friendship."
"But last night…" she paused for a moment to plan her words. "It just seems like she still feels something."
"She loves me," Jane's eyes grew wide in surprise at his casual admission, "and she has an important place in my own heart as well. But no matter what her intentions, or our past, there is no excuse for what she said. I've spoken to her - and I've threatened to move her post if she disrespects you again."
She sighed loudly. "Thor…" she started in an argumentative tone.
"What's wrong?" he asked with a chuckle, so utterly confused that he was beginning to find it humorous. "I thought you would be pleased with my actions."
"I don't think you understand what a woman can feel towards a man she used to be with, even when she's the one who ended things," she explained, "and the fact that you know she still loves you…"
"Make no mistake, when I refer to 'love' I mean absolute respect, loyalty, fealty, and a willingness to sacrifice herself for myself and Asgard. It has been nearly an age since she and I loved one another and those feelings likely rest within a deep grave."
"'Nearly an age' doesn't mean anything. I still think about an old ex of mine all of the time and if things had been a little different, maybe…"
She trailed off, but Thor furrowed his brow in distaste for her comment. "Who is this 'ex?'"
She held back a wry laugh as she pictured Thor in all of his glory, chasing after a helpless surgeon in a lab coat with his magical hammer. "That's not important," she said dismissively. "I know I'm an outsider here and you had to pull a lot of strings to get your father to let me come."
He looked at her in confusion. "There were no strings, nor did I pull anything…"
"It took the expense of your favor…" she explained in words he would know. He nodded in understanding. "You risked a lot by bringing me here, didn't you? And you've made some big statements about me to your people."
He smiled broadly. "They are all true. I wanted Asgard to know of my determination - and how important you are."
She returned his smile with a light blush. It would be a while before she would be used to his heavy words and his treatment of her, which was already so much different than how any other man had ever regarded her. Much more, he seemed to be moving much faster than she would have preferred, but considering the dynamics surrounding his life and role, his urgency was understandable, and she would try to show patience towards him for this. "But did you consider how she might feel?"
Thor's eyes dropped, but he didn't answer for several moments. "Never, in all the ages of Yggdrasil, would I have thought she would have acted as she did. How am I to predict what she feels?"
"You're still very important to her. I'm sure I'm a little bit of a threat, considering what you've done for me, but I also think she honestly cares for your best interests and is conflicted by this," she answered. "If I were her, I'd probably feel embarrassed and hurt by your ultimatum; I think I'd be looking for something to reaffirm my value."
He shook his head. "She is stronger than that," he argued. He wished Jane hadn't heard what he'd said to Sif, but in his inebriated state, he'd forgotten how sound could travel in the empty halls of the palace and had made no effort to quiet his voice. Just as he had heard Sif's confrontation with Jane, she was sure to have heard most or all of his rebuttal.
"I'm sure she's strong, but you were the man she was going to marry," she said. "That kind of closeness doesn't die, just because plans get cancelled."
Thor's expression softened. He drew his knees up and rested his arms on their tops, staring out to the field in front of them. Jane's words had sunk into his heart slowly, but now he was quite regretful of his actions. "You're very wise. I owe her many debts and though she reacted in a fool-hearted, brash manner, she does not deserve my ire. How is it you believe I should atone?"
"I can't answer that for you," she said, "but please don't bring me into the middle of it again. You've been friends for longer than I can probably even imagine. I don't want to be the cause that ends it."
He nodded, respecting her wish. "Jane - why does this so concern you?" he asked in sincerity. "Sif is a near stranger to you and that part of our relationship ended generations ago for your people."
She shrugged lightly. "I don't know. I realize there are a lot of people who probably don't approve of me being here, but I liked her. I guess I was hoping she would be a friend."
"I understand."
She smiled softly and placed her hand on his. "Thank you - for last night and this morning, " she said, attempting to change the tone of their conversation. He returned her smile. "I know you've gone to a lot of trouble for me."
"I've only ever wished for you to feel welcomed here."
"I do."
"Good. I wouldn't have wanted these efforts to be defeated by one unfortunate interaction."
She leaned her head against his shoulder and answered honestly. "I may be only a mortal," she started in sarcastic jest, lightening his heart, "but I don't give up that easily."
Metal clashed with metal in the warm light of the noon sun. She swung her twin swords through the air towards her sparring partner, her strong arms gauging their weight and speed carefully to avoid a block or parry. He did move to block, and was slightly faster than her, effectively knocking her momentum off of its course and causing her to lose her footing for just a moment. As her right foot slipped on the long grass beneath her, he seized his opportunity, swinging his mace at the back of her left leg and sending her to the soft ground behind her.
She landed with a loud "thud," but it was an easy impact. Instead of jumping back up to her ready stance, she rested where she was for a moment, catching her breath as she savored the warm breeze coming the from the hills. He crouched beside her and looked down with only a mere hint of concern on his stoic expression.
"Is that all for today?" Hogan asked.
Sif smiled wryly at his simple question. "No, give me a few moments to collect myself," she said. He nodded in return, content to give her some time.
"Hogan the Grim" was the member of the Three and one of her friends she knew the least; she didn't doubt he knew as little about her personal life as she did of his. For the moment, he was exactly what she needed in company. There was a time for comfort and counsel, and in those instances, Volstagg and Fandral were great assets as comrades and peers. However, Hogan's insistence on silence beyond necessary words, and his lack of concern for trivial moods, feelings, and the day-to-day happenings in the lives of others, was welcome beyond measure; she didn't feel like talking or communicating in any manner that didn't involve the whistle of her sword and the sweat of her brow.
"I haven't been an opponent worthy of your efforts lately," she said. "I'm sorry for wasting your time."
"Even the strongest warriors have moments when their strength and focus wane. What matters is that you continue training and push beyond it."
Sif smiled again. His simple critique was well-received. Her other friends would be inquiring as to its cause, and though she didn't want to lie to them, she would have to. Crafting a deception and falsity would be far less embarrassing than admitting the truth.
She sat up and crossed her legs on the ground in front of her. "I had hoped to push beyond it a while ago. It's proving - a difficult obstacle to overcome."
"Then perhaps you should increase your training regimen until you have succeeded. For the moment, our assignment in Asgard stands. When you have need for an opponent, I am at your disposal."
He didn't smile, as he rarely did, but his eyes contained the warmth of respect and friendship she would expect from the others, and she gratefully returned it. "I will. Thank you, Hogan."
She took a drink of water and he helped her to her feet. As soon as they were ready to begin again, a loud explosion of air resounded from the city. Hogan looked up in alarm, as they both recognized and knew the sound well, but Sif hid her head in her hand. Thor's face was one she would have paid a great sum not to see that day.
As Sif expected, he landed at their feet, making a small mark in the soft soil with his impact. His smile shined and his azure eyes glowed like blue flame, but she didn't look upon it with welcome as she normally would. Her face grew hot and her skin cold as her eyes already stung in remembrance of the pain caused the night before.
"It's a good day for training," Thor said pleasantly to Hogan.
"Have you come to join?" he asked.
Thor looked towards Sif. Her arms were crossed, and though she wasn't looking at him, her eyes were narrowed and fixed like daggers at a distant, indefinable point. With such a look of rage, he would fear for his life if he sparred with her, but he didn't say so. "I was hoping to speak with Sif; it's a matter of some discretion."
Hogan made no argument and asked for no explanation regarding Thor's interference. He nodded to both of them and gathered his things, riding away on his horse. Even when he was out of earshot, Thor didn't begin speaking. Although he was most likely calculating his words, Sif's frustration grew exponentially with every second of his silence.
"Have you come to give me my new assignment?" she asked, choosing to break the tense stillness herself as she sheathed her swords violently.
He sighed. "Sif, I…" he began, trailing off as he struggled with his words.
"Where shall it be? Midgard?" she asked. "Or are you content to silence my false counsel by sending me to the far corners of Muspelheim?"
"I don't…"
"And how long am I to stay? Until your anger ebbs, or…"
He grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him. "I am not angry anymore; I'm wounded and confused," he said, "but I should never have brought your subordinate position into the matter, and for that, I'm also very sorry."
Her eyes fell to the ground, but her expression didn't soften. "Perhaps if you had regarded me as your subordinate during the entirety of dinner last night, you would have listened to me instead of…" she swallowed hard, unable to complete her thought.
"It's very difficult for me to separate what we are and what we once were in circumstances such as these," he said. "Jane has enlightened me to some of the reasons why you may have acted as you did, and I understand…"
Sif scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Did she? She knows of our past? Of my life?" she asked, throwing her satchel over her shoulder. It was clear Thor would only keep her ear for a moment or two longer. "Pray tell, what has she done to earn more of your faith in such a short time than one who has been in your trusted company for most of your life? Why would you heed such ignorant advice and accuse a true word from loyal friend and follower of being false?"
Thor said nothing. He knew this had gone sour, and that he had made a misstep with nearly every word he'd spoken. He meant this to be an apology of sorts, and a reaffirmation of their friendship. Instead, he had only further hardened her heart.
In reaction to his silence, she mounted her horse. "You need no longer concern yourself with my reassignment. If I wound and confuse you so effortlessly, then I will make this decision easier and maintain my distance from you and your personal affairs."
"No, that's…" her horse neighed loudly and she changed her posture, prepared to ride away. Abruptly, he grabbed the horse's reigns and held fast. The horse reared up and whined, but stayed despite her prodding. "Sif," he started, looking up to her with a sense of desperation in his eyes and within his rough voice. "You are one of my closest friends. We're supposed to die together in some distant, glorious battle. I cannot lose you like this."
Her anger ebbed subtly, but her frown deepened. "You haven't lost me," she said. He smiled softly, though her tone didn't match her words. "You've put me into my true place. I simply need to settle into it."
The allusion of her harsh words stung. He had a retort and argument, but in fear of making things worse, he remained silent. Instead of pushing her and the issue at hand, he released her horse, allowing her to ride away.
It had been only a few days since she'd been to the palace, since she'd seen Thor, and since she'd sworn to him she'd take distance from him to a greater extent. She meant what she'd said; every word from her mouth was true, although her tone had dripped with the fire of her temper as it burned at the time. She was hurt by his accusation regarding her confrontation with Jane and her motivation, and she honestly believed some separation and time would be the best for both of them. However, she didn't anticipate it being so difficult to remain away from the great halls of the palace and wasn't prepared for the sense of isolation she would feel, even after such an incredibly short time.
She had lost perspective of how much of her life was involved in the inner circle of the court. She had been away from the palace and Asgard for long periods before, but even in those instances, she felt connected and involved, as much as it was appropriate for her position. Even after she had cancelled their betrothal to Thor, their decision had been so amicable that she felt welcome in high company and in the business of realm affairs. She hated the idea of getting the news at court from the mouths of gossipers and busy-bodies and knew she would grow to miss her daily updates with Thor and the Three when they were present within the realm.
Her stomach ached with emptiness that food could not ameliorate. The latest rumor to make it down the high towers of the palace was that Jane had begun teaching the magicians about her sciences, and had thus far impressed them with her knowledge, despite the adamant protests they had made against her prior to her arrival. A conflict boiled in Sif's mind; she legitimately wanted Thor to be happy, and for the most part, she liked Jane's spirit. However, any news of the public's improving view of their relationship provided evidence that Jane could consider Thor's offer with less fear of reprisal. If she did, Sif held no doubt that this unpleasant change would be made permanent, and her status, in more than one regard, would diminish.
Despite her doubts, a semblance of regret prevented her complete immersion into a fugue. In her heart, she realized she was acting childishly and opposite from the façade of proud strength she tried to exhibit. Thor's words had hurt, but when she thought of his perspective, she realized his anger was instigated by her own confrontation with Jane - a demand that had come before the other woman had spent even one night in a completely foreign and strange world. Any threat that had been posed on her position and friendship had originated from her own choices. Unfortunately, this realization only fueled her uncertainty, bringing out a side of her she had worked very hard to hide and move beyond.
As Sif considered these thoughts and entertained her fears, she sat in front of her mirror. She was dressed in her armor, brushing her hair before putting it up as she prepared to go out on her daily duties. Her reflection caught her eye, and she began to criticize every misplaced bump or slight line on her youthful features. She knew she was vain - and the true curse of vanity was the insecurities it birthed, most of which were completely irrelevant to the real problems of the time. However, it was difficult to consider Thor's words against her without wondering if it bore any relationship to her desirability, even though he'd made no such implication and hadn't expressed his thoughts of that aspect of her in many, many years. Her weakness fueled these thoughts, stealing her reason as her heart sank even further.
Loki's assessment of her had struck with deadly accuracy, but it wasn't until she had found herself sharing his bed that she was aware of how vulnerable this fault left her. She had committed betrayal of a high regard in several different ways - and it was all to feel as though she were desired, to feel his warm skin upon her own and know that she was wanted, at least in the basest of ways. It was this vulnerability that caused her to put at risk the position for which she had worked so hard because if she were caught, many would accuse her of treason, and the rest would assume other horrid things. It was also this vulnerability that parented much of her dissonance, for as much as she regretted her actions, she almost wanted to visit him again - in order to bathe herself in the reassurance his body and attentions granted, and feel a few moments of the unique, temporary comfort he had offered.
Sif blew out her candles, put her hairbrush down on her dresser, and rested her head in her hands. She had to see him again; total avoidance wasn't an option. She was scheduled to attend to him that day, and would have to begin her rounds soon. She would give anything to take back time and do the last week differently, and Loki, with his typical mischievous antagonism, would surely be more than pleased to remind her of why.
Even though her heart was troubled, Sif was not one to allow personal issues to interfere with duty. She pushed her doubts deeply within herself and made her rounds, meeting with her subordinates and accomplishing certain menial tasks before continuing to her afternoon shift in Loki's quarters. She hoped he would keep his mouth quiet, that he wouldn't gloat about her indiscretion, or say anything that would cause her more shame than she already felt for having bedded the chief enemy of her prince and the Allfather. Her cynical side had a more realistic expectation, and as she stepped into his chambers, she began planning what she could say or threaten to assure the silence of his tongue. She held little faith in his previous word that he wouldn't say anything if he were given the opportunity.
She was surprised to see Fandral first, sitting casually on the couch in Loki's common room. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I was on roster for this morning."
"Volstagg and I have been keeping a steady watch for the last few days," he answered.
"Why?" she asked, unable to disguise her skeptical tone. "I thought it unnecessary to guard him so consistently. Has Thor changed his mind regarding our schedule?"
"No, the change was of my own volition." Fandral crossed his arms. His lips twitched as he looked back with suspicion towards Loki. "He somehow escaped from his mask. One of the guards happen to see him without it when he delivered his food. I was the one on shift when this was first reported."
"How is that even possible?" she asked.
"I'm not certain, and the court magicians have offered no advice on the issue," he said.
Loki was leaning against the wall behind him, his hands on his hips as he shot a hard, withering stare at the back of the warrior's head. He glanced in her direction for just a moment and raised a dark eyebrow only slightly. Sif's confusion suddenly changed to shock as the color left her face. Loki hadn't learned how to free himself - she had made a grave error, and had forgotten to replace the mask after their night together.
"I don't understand," she said nervously. "Why is this the first I've heard of it?"
"I was hesitant to burden you with it outside of your normal duty. You've taken a heavy schedule, and I thought you could use this small grace," he said carefully, "but since he's obviously up to his old, nefarious efforts, I'm cautious to leave him alone. Though I hate to add to your plate, I think we should adopt an uninterrupted schedule."
"Oh, that won't be necessary," Loki said.
"Of course you would object," Fandral argued. "The longer you're left alone, the greater your opportunity to stretch and test your bounds."
"Why do you assume I removed the device? It could have been one of yours who neglected to secure it properly."
While Fandral's head was turned in the other direction, Sif narrowed her eyes and met Loki's stare with a cold intensity; he smirked in return, and though it was concealed by the mask, it was still evident in his eyes.
"I doubt that," Fandral replied.
"Perhaps you should ask the one who last was here. Wasn't it Sif? I remember her gracing me with her presence briefly - in the evening."
Fandral smiled confidently. "You're becoming careless in your deceit. Sif was at dinner with our group that evening," he said. "Regardless, I have more faith in her to avoid such a mistake than I do in any other. There is none in Asgard that wants to see you cut off from your magic more than her."
Sif's fist clenched in anger at the onset of Loki's game. She was familiar with his objective, but she knew of no way to avoid his traps. Fandral looked back at her for confirmation of his statement, but her eyes faltered and her face betrayed the truth. "For once, he is not deceiving you. It was my mistake and I thank you for the time you've lost compensating for it."
Fandral scoffed and opened his mouth in disbelief. "I have never known you to be capable of such error," he said. "What happened?"
"I was distracted that night," she said honestly, though she didn't care to elaborate on the various troubles that had plagued her thoughts or the activity that had drawn her focus from her sense of duty. "I'd had too much to drink and was weary from a long day."
Fandral remained silent, awaiting the rest of the answer she would not give, including the reason she had been there in such a late hour. A small panic began to set in. Loki would surely seize the opportunity to cause havoc within their small group. Would she be better off admitting everything from her own mouth before he could savor its reveal? Or was Loki's assumption that it would not be believed correct? She was a horrible liar, but it was possible for Fandral's trust to work against his suspicion of her.
"What in the nine could have distracted you from such an important task?"
"Fandral, I…" she began.
"That was me," Loki interrupted casually. Sif reached for her sword, knowing of no other threat that would work against him. "I made some jest about her abilities and she lost her temper with me." His eyes turned to her and she could see the crooked smile that remained on his lips through the side grate of his mask. "Perhaps you should loose yourself more often. You're lovely when you're angry."
Sif frowned deeply at his remark, but she simultaneously relaxed and took her hand from the grip of her weapon.
"I don't have to tell you what would have resulted from his escape if he had seized his opportunity," Fandral said lowly to Sif, although Loki could hear everything despite his whispered voice.
"Fandral, it was a single mistake," she argued. "I certainly didn't intend to cause such upset."
"If he had escaped and contacted his allies, I doubt the Allfather or Thor would've seen it that way."
Sif's eyes lowered; her stomach sank with guilt as her embarrassment showed on her features. "End your hyperbole," Loki suddenly spat. "The seals around this place cause me pain whenever I try to approach the outer walls and I can't manage the simplest spells, even the low-level illusions I use on my own appearance. This muzzle is hardly needed; it serves no greater purpose than to inconvenience all of us."
Fandral furrowed his brow in cynical doubt and looked back towards Sif. She nodded in agreement, and he raised an eyebrow in surprise of her support of Loki's argument. "He would've tried something the moment I left, if he were able. His inaction is proof enough of his impotency."
Fandral ran a finger along his mustache in serious thought. "If you are so confident, we should suggest it be removed permanently unless he's in transport. We wouldn't need to waste so much time coming here and we could allocate some of the Einherjar for better purposes." His mood seemed to lighten with the mere suggestion of ending his guard of Loki, and if the prince were more honest, he would've expressed his adamant agreement.
Sif nodded. "Good. The issue should be raised at our next meeting," she began in a passive voice, unsure if she would be there to speak of it herself. "Thor will want to know…"
"No need to wait, we'll address it tonight."
She paused. "Tonight?"
"At dinner - our usual gathering of the mad caps," he joked with a smile. "I was considering missing tonight's festivities myself. You know Thor, when he finds something about which to brag, he can hardly stop, but he has promised to regale us with tales of Midgard and Loki's follies there, and I could not easily decline stories of such glorious failure."
Loki muttered a curse under his breath and retreated into his bedroom to free himself from their conversation. Fandral, pleased with his quip, missed Sif's downturned lips and the troubled look that crossed her features.
"You will be there, won't you? I could not hope to bear Volstagg to his quarters myself after he's had too much to drink, even with Hogan's help."
"No, I - I've too many issues to attend to and I am weary today," she explained falsely. "Give everyone my best in my absence."
"You will be missed," he said, thinking nothing of her decline beyond what her words explained, "but I will pass your message along."
Sif nodded and Fandral looked back towards Loki's room uneasily. "Were you going to stay here?"
"Yes, for a little while," she answered.
"Hmm…" Fandral began lowly in displeasure as he stood to leave. His protective nature was still strongly intact. "I'm still uncertain that this was not the result of some new game. Be careful."
She smiled at him and his caring warning of caution. "I will be."
The moment the door closed behind him, Loki came out of his room. She glared at him, but he simply chuckled, unfazed by the ice that filled her eyes. "What was that about? I thought you agreed to discretion, but he certainly could have inferred…"
"I never said I would be discrete about anything. I said they wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell them. Therein lies a vast difference." He walked up beside her and put a hand on her arm, running his fingers down her skin slowly. "I did enjoy watching you squirm. What would my old friends say if they knew I'd had you?"
She pulled herself away and narrowed her eyes. "Do not assume such familiarity with me because of one night."
"One night, multiple bouts," he corrected, "but don't evade my question. My curiosity is legitimate."
Her eyes fell to the ground. "I would wish never to know the answer; it would test their love for me to its limits."
"Would it?" he asked. "And you don't believe it's already being so tested, even without this additional scandal?"
"What do you mean?" she asked against her better judgment, knowing his tendency to skew and twist words to his own purpose.
"You had no idea Thor was throwing one of his little parties, did you? It seems he's sifting you out of his inner circle," he observed curiously. Thor often called his closest friends for gatherings around his table. Prior to his fall, Loki had been to many of them himself, and Sif was rarely absent, provided her duties permitted her attendance.
"How would you know that?" she asked. "Just because I will not be able to attend one meal doesn't mean…"
"Then why did you lie to him?" he asked through narrowed eyes. She scoffed, a subtle denial, but her expression reflected her disappointment in herself. "Do not pretend to be so modest with me."
She made no attempt to deny it again, and her silence further confirmed his inference to be correct. He smirked, and chortled quietly. "Despite my acuity for these matters, however, I cannot determine why. Is this because of the Midgardian?" he asked.
Loki didn't know of Jane's arrival, but his shot in the dark had hit close to its mark. "It was at my request," she answered honestly, careful not to confirm his suspicions through her words or expression. "Considering my recent missteps, I thought it better to keep my distance so I don't compromise him as I have compromised myself."
"Such noble humility - and yet, you seem to be taking his turn from you with some difficulty," he said, over-emphasizing his feigned sympathy.
Her brow tightened and her frown deepened. "You speak as an expert on me, but you are completely ignorant. The other night was…"
"I'm not referring to the other night in itself. I've shared your dreams; I know you better than you think I do - and more than you would like."
"Yes, you probably do," she admitted. "You've seen me at the summit of my anxieties and the nadir of my insecurities. You have seen the impact and scope of this fresh wound, yet you continue to pick at the raw edges and scab that has formed over it. I would have dared hoped this might have changed, considering…" she said with a sigh, "but you continue to try me, and manipulate and bruise me with words."
"Thor's obsession with Earth shows no sign of diminishing and if that's your chief threat, you have yet a long way to fall. I don't believe that sort of wound would heal, even if I let it be."
"Perhaps it wouldn't, but I would be no worse for it if you were to leave it alone," she said. "Why I sought treatment - supplementation of sorts - from your bed… You view me as a target, even now."
He looked away from her, his lips dropping from their normal sarcastic smile to a straight, thin line behind his mask. Her last words contained an air of regret, but not, for once, in her actions, but in his regard of her. "It is a disadvantage of habit, and my nature," he said in a near-apology, "I find it difficult to ignore weaknesses in others that can serve a benefit to my own circumstances."
"What benefit could my slow attenuation possibly serve you?" she asked. She found she could not argue with his point on his nature, but this increased the confusion plaguing her own mind. She wasn't sure where to assign blame if he continued to use her insecurities to his advantage, especially if she bared them so blatantly.
"It has served me well thus far," he said smoothly. She could see the cold smile reappear in his eyes. "But I will try not to antagonize you so often."
She narrowed her eyes skeptically, curious about his motives, though she did not ask. Most would probably think it strange to be suspicious over a half-hearted compromise, but such words were rare for Loki, and so she could not take them for full value. "I hope so," she replied.
He straightened his posture, his appearance returning to its normal smugness. "You may choose to believe differently, but I care not for the social luxuries of dinner parties, nor do I care for Thor's personal life to the extent I may have implied," he said. He crossed his arms in front of him. "What I care about is power - and escape to find it. Everything else is a distraction."
"I see," she responded.
"That's not to say that some of them weren't welcome distractions," he said, glancing at her from the corner of his eye, "but you can rest well knowing I am not making it my sole mission to interfere in the events of your life or Thor's. I have no time for such trivialities."
His words were calm and his manner mild, but there was something in his tone that dripped with bitterness as he spoke. She remained silent about her observation, but she felt his denial wasn't entirely truthful or was centered in frustration. Sif cursed herself for not being better at the type of games Loki played. If she were, she could better determine why and use it against him, as he, like most others, became sloppy when their anger flared.
"I'm glad we're clear on the matter; I'd certainly hate to consume anymore of your time," she said dryly. She turned to leave, but just as she stepped towards his door, he spoke.
"Sif," he started, putting his hand to his head as though his next words hurt to speak. "I need your help with something - please."
She could not resist his request phrased with such rare humility and so she stayed and listened to his complaint. In odd legitimacy, he asked for her assistance, and though she hadn't intended to stay any longer, she would bear his request and offer him help.
"Stop moving," she said sternly, "I'm trying to do this carefully."
He hissed and jerked his head out of her reach. "You're not succeeding."
He sat on the bench in front of his bedroom mirror as Sif stood behind him. Her fingers slowly combed through the back of his head, brushing bloodied strands of hair and a patch of raw skin. He grunted in displeasure. "He did catch your skin, didn't he?" she asked rhetorically, pushing his black hair out of the way to get a better look at his wound.
Fandral had not used care or precision when he hurried to put back Loki's mask. The clasp that fastened in the back had clicked together, catching his hair and tearing a ragged opening in his scalp, but he could not remove or loosen it himself to cure it. "I'm surprised that careless buffoon is of any use on the battlefield."
"I doubt he was concerned with your comfort," she said. Without warning him, she dabbed the spot with a cloth to clean the area. He grimaced and clenched his teeth, but he didn't complain. "I'll remove the mask, if you will behave. Can I trust you?"
"As much as you could a few days ago."
She ignored the implication and undid the clasp. The mask fell off, and Loki sighed with relief. He leaned back into her hands, much more complacent with her attention in his free state. "Do you need a healing stone?"
"My body mends fast; it isn't necessary."
He closed his eyes as she combed her nails along his hair and through the tangles that had formed in his dried blood. He seemed comforted by this action, and so she continued, absentmindedly running her hands along his scalp, silently curious regarding how his hair already seemed to have grown longer during his short incarceration. She was surprised at how soft it was, very different from the greasy stiffness it appeared to have from a distance, and was also amazed at how little he had along the rest of his body. A small, fine patch on the center of his chest and a line down the contour of his lower stomach were the only other visible places it grew, and even those spots had been groomed and minimized so they were hardly apparent. His arms and legs were smooth with very fine, nearly invisible hairs and felt silky against her own skin. She was used to the prickly feeling on a masculine form that was covered in the stubble and lengths of coarse hair in various places, but his body moved well against hers; she had no complaints.
Blood rushed to her face as she recalled the previous night in his bed. It wasn't just the feeling of his skin she'd enjoyed, but the heat of his breath and the touch of his fingers. He experimented and explored, seemingly wanting to make it worth her risk and the trouble it may yet cause for her. He did, but she wasn't sure if it was his skill, the danger and rebelliousness behind their action, or her own anger that had fueled their flame so effectively. Whatever it was, it was intriguing to her to find such enjoyment in the company of a man she resented, a man she had been relieved to see flogged only a few weeks before for his actions against her and her closest friends.
She looked up from the waves of his dark hair intertwined in her fingers and noticed his stare reflecting back at her from the mirror. He had caught the expression of doubt and debate on her features, and the blush on her cheeks. This embarrassed her, but instead of looking away from his icy, blue eyes, she locked with them. Loki dropped his first, but only so he could turn in his chair to face her. He slowly and tentatively moved his hands to a spot low on her hips, pulling her slightly closer as he carefully read her expression for change.
She parted her lips as she looked down at him, her breath quickening nearly imperceptibly. She didn't argue or resist, but moved her fingers along his scalp again, causing goose bumps to form on his forearms.
"Only moments ago, you were convinced this was a mistake," he said quietly, "and mere days ago you were torn regarding what you felt was a betrayal to everything you love."
Her mind screamed in protest of her body's reactions as she ran through the list of reasons why she should leave at that moment. Her resentment towards what he had become was first, but the possibility of getting caught and the potential consequences were close behind. Still, within her reasonable mind's arguments was a small, dissenting voice that argued against this logic. Her fear surrounding her position within Asgard was valid, but her thoughts on her relationship with Thor were growing ever quieter. He was busy pursuing his desires, regardless of what the majority of Asgard and the Allfather wanted. Thor be damned if he judged her for doing the same.
"Do you wish for me to leave?" she asked, her voice nearly a whisper compared to when she'd last spoke.
He took his hands from her hips and moved them along her arms. He found the clasps to her gauntlets and unfastened them, allowing the metal pieces to fall to the ground loudly. "That isn't what I said," he argued, his eyes searching her for the next piece of armor that needed to be removed.
She unlocked and pulled off her cuirass herself and stepped closer, nearly straddling his legs as she leaned down. Her hand moved under his chin and lifted it, forcing him to look at her face. "Would it offend you if I contradicted myself and humored this temptation once again?"
"Your whims change often, Lady Sif," he spoke. His voice dropped in register and tone so that the bass echoed in her ears and reverberated through her chest. "But so long as they lead to my advantage, I have no argument."
She grabbed his tunic and pulled until he stood and followed her back to his bed as his fingers worked on the laces of her bodice. Without pause or any semblance of gentleness, he lifted her by her hips and dropped her onto the mattress. She grunted, but any complaint she was about to voice ceased as he climbed atop of her, pressing his form against hers as he brushed his lips over her neck.
She sighed contentedly and ran her hand from his shoulders down to the front opening of his tunic, pushing him away slightly. "When my whims should change again…"
"Why allow a potentiality to ruin the moment?"
She paused. "An inevitability," she corrected, "not a potentiality."
"Spoil not the present with thoughts of the future," he said through a growl of frustration. The strings holding her top in place were stubbornly refusing to move. With one abrupt jerk, he tore them from their eyelets and smiled in satisfaction as it fell back to reveal her pale skin. He moved his hand slowly from the center of her stomach up to her smooth neck, his eyes following until they met hers once again. "While you remain my guest, think only of what can be achieved right now."
She didn't argue further, nor did she allow her mind to distract her with fears and consequences for the act she repeated soberly for the second time. Instead, she followed his suggestion, closed her eyes, and allowed herself to be imbued by the moment and the feeling of his body upon her own.
Their festivities were as boisterous as always. The wine and mead flowed generously, and with it, loose tongues as they reminisced and entertained their guest. Jane smiled and listened gratefully. In their previous gathering, she had been asked many questions about her world, some of which were difficult for her to answer. She was a brilliant scientist, but her mind was not so keen toward politics, history, and the intricacies of Earth's many different cultures, and so she found herself at a loss for words in response to some of their inquiries. It was a welcome change to listen to their tales, though she struggled to formulate a mental timeline; their lives were impossibly long, and they had lived through many events worth retelling.
"Sif warned you not to venture into that cave by yourself, as I recall," Volstagg said to Fandral.
"She did," he replied.
"Yet you did anyway, didn't you?" Thor asked with a chuckle.
"I did," he confirmed, unashamed. "I believed it to be an ideal opportunity to prove myself as an individual, as it had been a while since I'd accepted any real challenge without company."
"That," Volstagg started, "is the biggest load of horse fodder I have ever heard!"
Fandral laughed. "And how do you remember it Volstagg, my vast and plentiful friend?" he asked, patting the other warrior on his stomach playfully.
"Rumor had it that there was a fair, young woman held within. You wanted to go alone - to collect your 'reward' alone," he explained. "You nearly died fighting the beast that nested there, and the woman it had taken had not been fair nor young since Asgard's creation."
The group chuckled. "She was grateful, though," Fandral said, his inebriated mind clouding the judgment around what he was saying. Volstagg inferred the meaning of his words incorrectly and laughed heartily. Thor raised a humored, but judgmental eyebrow. "I didn't mean to imply… She didn't…" He cleared his throat awkwardly, failing to cover his words.
Volstagg took mercy on his friend and changed the topic. "Where is Sif tonight? I have missed her quips and her voice in our many stories."
Thor's face grew suddenly dark as his eyes fixed on the silver goblet in his hand. He tried fruitlessly to formulate an answer, and was surprised when Fandral provided one first. "She said she was tired - and had other tasks to finish before she could rest."
Volstagg furrowed his brow and tilted his head in confusion. "How odd for Sif to turn down the opportunity for one of our gatherings. She loves taking her part in our storytelling."
"You spoke with her?" Thor asked lowly. Fandral noticed the change in his voice, but chose to remain momentarily silent about his observation.
"Yes - just this afternoon," he answered. "She and I discussed Loki's circumstances. She believes it is possible for us to remove his mask and trust the enchantments around his quarters."
"Do you agree?" he asked, hoping this topic would enable him to avoid explaining her absence.
"I do - if it is safe," Fandral said. "This will allow us to decrease our guard and be utilized in better places."
"So it would," he concurred. "I shall ask for my father's evaluation; he knows the strengths of Loki's magic better than I."
Fandral nodded, and for a moment, the group remained silent. "Sif has been acting strange lately," Volstagg spoke, breaking the silence. Jane looked down to the plate in front of her, hoping her sudden discomfort would not be noticed.
"Agreed," Hogan added, "and she has not been performing at her usual level."
Fandral looked towards Thor, whose eyes remained fixed in front of him. He was hesitant to speak this way towards his prince, but in favor of his friend, he gently spoke anyway. "You know what burdens our Lady, don't you?" he asked.
Thor shifted his posture uncomfortably. "It's not our job to speculate on her life."
Volstagg scratched his beard in confusion. "If her trouble is on her heart or mind, it's curious why she didn't want to come. We can usually distract her with our merriment, and at the very least, she may have been able to shift her focus temporarily."
The others stayed silent in thought. After a moment of weighted quiet, Thor sighed discontentedly and put his glass down on the table loudly. "She didn't come because I did not extend an invitation to her." The Three held surprised and confused expressions.
Volstagg dropped the leg of fowl he held back onto his plate. "My Prince," he started, emphasizing his intended, sincere respect, "what has befallen…"
"Stop," Thor said, though his abrupt word was soft and lacked harshness. "Sif and I must acclimate to recent changes and need time and space to do so. I beg you as her friends not to inquire to her further, as it may cause her hardship to think this would affect her companionship with you. I must also demand you not ask this of me either, for I have yet to decide what to do for my part."
The others looked at each other in concern and then back to Thor as if they expected further explanation. He offered none. The jovial look on Volstagg's face faded as though he'd heard this news of his own mother and father. Fandral's expression revealed his lack of satisfaction in Thor's answer and his continued curiosity around the situation. Jane wondered if he would defy Thor's request and push the issue further. For the moment, however, he stayed still and silent. As her eyes shifted towards the normally stoic and silent Hogan, she was startled to find his stare meeting hers in an evaluative manner. He looked away eventually, but Jane's cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. She had become the elephant in the room, the subject everyone wanted to discuss, yet no one dared address first. It was not hard to identify the probable source behind Thor's sudden problems with his once-betrothed.
She moved her hair behind her ear nervously, trying hard to reconcile their view of her with her belief that her relationship with him shouldn't be impacted or defined by another woman's hurt feelings. Still, her discomfort would not ebb, nor would the feeling she had somehow just alienated herself from Thor's friends without doing anything. "I'm really tired," she whispered to Thor. "I'm going to go to bed."
Thor looked at her sharply in concern. "Jane, this isn't…"
"I'm fine," she said in answer to his silent question. "I just want to go to bed."
She stood from the table and said goodnight. Thor let her leave and tried to resume his normal conversation with his friends, but the evening had turned sour. Knowing that she had been lying, he soon excused himself as well. He followed her path and caught up to her just as she was about to enter her room.
"Jane," he started. She didn't give him the chance to continue.
"I asked you to leave me out of it. I've already lost one potential friend, but now the others are beginning to think…"
"This has less to do with you than you seem to believe," he said in frustration. He was beginning to think fortune had abandoned him in all of his relationships. "Your appearance bared old wounds from an age ago, but these scars would have reopened in time, even if you remained on Earth."
She looked at him skeptically. "Then why does it seem like they've made up their minds? They blame me..."
"Has someone told you this?"
"No, but I…"
"Then you have nothing to worry about," he argued with a small, reassuring smile. "My friends likely see you as a catalyst to change, which is often resisted in a society as old as ours, but they don't resent you. The Three are not the types to hide their distain well. You and I would know beyond doubt if they regarded you poorly," he said. "I could explain the situation to them in greater detail, if you wished, but it would involve you in a larger capacity - and I believe that is what you wanted to avoid."
"No, you don't need to," she said quietly.
He looked down the hall at the guards in their postings. Most of them were far away, and with their eyes fixed ahead, would not likely see or hear them. "I am trying to make room for you," he said in a whisper. "By distancing myself from what is in the past, I leave room for what awaits me in the future. My friends - even Sif - recognize this doesn't threaten my loyalty to them, even if it causes some discomfort initially. What I hope is that you recognize what this means for your life here - should you choose one."
Her face softened and a small smile spread slowly on her lips despite her doubt. "I do. I just - don't like being a burden."
Her ran his hand along her cheek and kissed her, his soft lips leaving hers far too soon. "I would gladly take a thousand burdens like you before even one of the comforts of my throne."
His words were sweet, but his mouth was more comforting. She wrapped her hand behind his head and pulled him back down to her level, kissing him once more. He embraced her, lifting her with his strong arms so that her feet barely touched the ground. One breathless moment later, he gently set her down. Her smile brightened as she marveled in the blue of his eyes as they looked joyfully down at her, remembering the feeling of pure contentment she first felt a few days before during their first sunrise. Thor was full of debate at whether he should excuse himself, as was gentlemanly, or continue their present path, but she didn't wait for him to make up his mind.
"Would it go against your customs if I invited you inside?" she asked nervously, chiding herself for her shyness and the way her stomach flipped.
He smiled, pleasantly surprised by her boldness. "Custom can forget itself," he started in a low whisper, "for I am a fool if I reject such an invitation."
She opened the door behind her and took his hand as he followed her inside.
Sif laid still and quiet with her back to him, but though her breath fell evenly as her body began to cool, he knew she was not asleep. He decided he liked when she turned from him. It gave him the opportunity to admire her form and figure without fear of reproach or embarrassment, a luxury he did not enjoy in his youth when she often subtly recoiled when she caught him staring. His eyes travelled slowly over the shape of her back, from the sweat-soaked tendrils of hair that stuck to her neck, down the toned outline of her arm, to the swelling of her hip. There, he stopped. In the darkness, he could just make out several red spots, some of which had begun to take on a purplish hue. These marks were from his own hands; his grip had bruised her.
His mouth sank into a confused frown; he regretted once again marking her in the midst of his fervency and curiously wondered why she hadn't voiced displeasure or pain. As he considered this, he sighed through his nose. She heard this small noise and rolled over towards him, possibly misunderstanding the source of his frustration.
"Won't you say something?" she asked. She was expecting a smug or sarcastic remark or two after this latest union. His silence unnerved her.
"Why would I? Dwelling on it in droll conversation avails us nothing - not when we could put words into action." He moved closer and ran his hand down her leg to the inside of her knee, pulling it over his hip. His hand found her waist, and he gently drew her nearer.
She enjoyed the heat of his skin in the cold air and so she allowed him to continue, but weariness tugged her into the desire to sleep, and she didn't think she had the energy for him again. "Why is it your touch is so much warmer in life than in my dreams?" she asked sleepily, closing her eyes as she spoke. "Your skin was cool, almost cold."
"I am a Jotun," he said, unable to completely disguise the bitterness in his tone when he admitted it. "I thought you would have remembered this, considering the injury I caused to you. Ice-based powers run in my blood and when I was within your mind, I was present only as pure energy. It's no wonder you perceived me to be cold, and it's less a mystery how I inadvertently marked you when I lost focus."
She bit her lip and met his eyes. "Would that happen again?" she asked.
The red marks on her hips flashed through his mind, causing his chest to sink lightly. He rarely felt such concern over the thought of possibly hurting another, but he dismissed this uncommon thoughtfulness as the simple desire to avoid scaring her away so she might meet his purposes again. "Not as an accident, and to do so on purpose would require more magic than I can muster in this place," he explained. "Why? Is this something - you might desire?"
She scoffed at the strange suggestion and pulled away from him. "No, that was a sort of pain I would care not to experience again," she said, sitting up and reaching for her discarded clothes, "and it's cold enough in here without your ice powers."
He scorned himself for his own stupidity expressed in his careless question. When he had seen her in the healing rooms after his accident, she had been doubled over in pain, barely able to breathe. Though the injury had been inadvertent, he could almost understand why she struck him. To suggest that she might have enjoyed it was imbecilic.
"Since you're in the mood for questions, perhaps you could take one of mine," he said. She looked back at him curiously, then resumed lacing up her bodice. Loki's frown deepened as she put on more clothing, but he could hardly blame her for leaving. The need for sleep was beginning to pull at him as well, a rare urge for someone who needed only a few hours a night, if any at all. "What should I come to expect from this?"
She raised an eyebrow and looked back at him again. "What do you mean by that?"
"You accused me of foul violation despite the fact that you knew this wasn't true," he said.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You were guilty of my charge; dreams are a place most intimate and you were not invited into mine. Had I known it was really you and not some figment, I never would have…"
As she spoke, he sat up and moved closer to her, silencing her complaint with a kiss to her neck. "Semantics - they matter not to my chief argument," he whispered in her ear. "Only a short time after you made your charge, you broke into my quarters, sat on my lap and began relieving me of my clothing. You understand why there would be some confusion caused by this contradiction. Should I expect such warm greeting in future visits, or will I be forced to wait for the next time Thor angers you?"
She pulled away from him abruptly. He knew the wrong words had slipped from his tongue, but as talented as he was in his speechcraft, he could think of no other way to phrase his point so directly. "This afternoon, you didn't want me to consider the future - and you're not the type to plan ahead," she said.
"I'm not? Do you know me so well, Sif?" he asked with a dry chuckle. "I have well-laid plans that are years from execution."
"Of what sort?"
He chortled again, entertained by her habit and assumption that he would answer, though he was under no delusion that their new physical dynamic would somehow negate the hard truth that he was still a prisoner and she, his guard. "This afternoon, I was concerned your mind would change in the heat of the moment. Now that we've been satiated, I am more concerned with your fickle whims and your penchant for making exaggerated claims against me. I care not what you'll be doing a decade from now, or even next year," he said dryly. "I only wish to know if you will continue pretending you regret these nights with me, or if I should allow myself to look forward to your next intrusion."
She crossed her arms in thought for a moment. "I doubt there will be a day in this age when I don't regret my actions here in some form," she answered. He chuckled wryly and deeply in her ear. His voice caused her skin to rise and a ripple of heat to travel down her spine. "But you have given me some reasons to ignore my inner voice of better judgment."
"At least three today," he said with a wicked grin. She ignored his jest and her brow remained locked. "Do not misunderstand, I desire no commitment. To put it concisely, I wish only to know if I will have you again."
She thought carefully as she retrieved the mask from the floor of his bedroom. She reached around his head slowly, carefully clasping it shut to avoid his wound, locking with his gaze the entire time. "Yes," she answered simply.
"Was that so difficult?" he asked with his muffled voice.
"More than you realize," she retorted honestly.
He didn't argue or pursue her further, but laid back down on his bed as she dressed. She ignored his prying eyes, though they did not bother her as they had the first time. In fact, it was almost enjoyable to her that he wanted to watch her; she could think of no compliment more appropriate considering the circumstances and a partner such as he.
She left, once again avoiding the guards, who seemed not to care that she was leaving his apartment inexplicably late at night. She would have to call for more caution. For now, she was the fiercely loyal royal servant who would do anything in the service of the Allfather or his son, but her reputation would not be enough to quell doubt or gossip for long.
Her horse neighed happily as she mounted its back and began galloping in return to her own home. As she travelled, her mind revisited her answer to Loki. If she were honest with herself, it was a truthful reply, but with cooled blood and sober thoughts, she could hardly consider herself in good mind to want to return. There was a certain refreshing freedom in having decided this ahead of time, but concurrently, there was a sense of danger. It was easy, though humiliating, to explain a one-time event as a foolish indiscretion; an ongoing affair was another story.
As she grew close to her house, she noticed the silhouette of someone at the threshold of her door. Her heart grew cold in panic about who it was, what they were doing there, and how long they'd been waiting. She was suddenly very relieved that she had left Loki's when she did and that she had taken the time to properly redress in her armor.
"Fandral?" she said, recognizing him as she drew closer and he stepped from the shadows. "Why are you here?"
"I was concerned," he admitted, "and my mind would not sleep because of it."
She jumped off her horse and began unsaddling it. "Why?"
"Thor - explained your absence at dinner," he said. "I hadn't realized your falling out had worsened to such a degree."
She inwardly seethed in embarrassment, thankful to the night sky for hiding her blush. "What was it he said?"
"He said you shared a desire for distance. He also asked us not to press either of you further, and so I won't. I only wish to know if there's something I can do. I care deeply for you - and if there's anything I might…"
"Please, stop there," she said quietly. He arched his brow, confused by her meaning. She hadn't wanted his pity before, but considering that day's events, she was appalled at the idea of him doting on her like a wounded child. Perhaps Loki's cynicism was beginning to rub off on her. "You can treat me as you normally would; I have already told you this as my expressed wish."
"How so?" he asked. His expression had fallen at her subtle rejection.
She sighed, defaulting to the only answer she knew would temporarily appease him. "How about a spar? Tomorrow afternoon?"
He smiled softly and chortled quietly, undoubtedly seeing through her transparent attempt. "That sounds fair enough," he said. She nodded, relieved at the opportunity to exercise and his willingness to accept this boundary to their friendship without hurt. "Where - where were you all night? It's nearly tomorrow's dawn."
She dropped her head, looking back towards her horse so he would not see her face. "I went for a ride - to clear my head."
"All night?" he asked skeptically. "How is it your horse is not exhausted?"
"I left late - and rested frequently," she answered impatiently.
"But even then, she does not appear to need to be brushed down," he argued.
"Fandral - I am very tired…" she began desperately.
This did not aid his concern; the look on his face implied that he still did not truly believe her. Yet, he respected her unspoken request and let the matter be for the moment. "Alright," he started, "I will see you tomorrow."
She nodded. "Tomorrow, then."