She watched him quietly as he slept, his lean form lying next to hers in the bed as he draped one arm over her stomach in an unconscious act of possessiveness. She had napped for a little while herself, but was more concerned on watching him as he finally caught up on some more of the rest that he so desperately needed.
Her heart had sunk when his hands shook as her laid her down on the pillows, the dominant and forceful man from the night before had once again been replaced with the tentative and nervous Horatio of the recent past. He had been doing so well up until yesterday, she knew it had been far too soon for him to confront Laura, yet she knew she was powerless to stop him from doing so.
He had been sweet and gentle, much like the first time they made love, he took his time kissing and caressing her, yet even she could not fail to hear the sorrow and uncertainty in his voice has he whispered how much he loved her. As they became one and his head lifted to meet her gaze, they kept their eyes locked on each other's faces the whole time, his eyes shining with unshed tears as they began to move in unison.
No matter his own mental anguish, he had made sure that she found her release first as he bit down on a sob and buried his face in her neck, whispering over and over how sorry he was. She could do nothing but hold his trembling body to hers as he wept quietly into her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on the damaged and scarred flesh on his back.
She whispered nonsensical words of comfort into his ear as he finally lifted his weight off of her and pulled her to him, their arms and legs entwined. They had both drifted off into an uneasy sleep, her last thoughts being that she would track Laura down and make her pay for what she had done to her lover.
It worried her that Horatio's face had taken on a permanent frown as he slept, she had hoped that their lovemaking might have helped relax him, but still he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, even as he slept, he could not get away from the pain and confusion.
He had mumbled incoherently a number of times during the morning and early afternoon, she knew that he would gently chide her for letting him sleep most of the day away, but it was clear that he needed it. What did it matter anyway? It wasn't like they needed to be at the Lab today, and if they were, they would likely be called by Dispatch on their cell phones.
Hers had not gone off once today, neither had his. It was only as she watched him sleep that she realised that she had no idea where his might be, Kyle had said he couldn't reach his father on it earlier, she had presumed that he had turned it off and left it in his pants pocket. Then her mind cast back to last night.
Last night...
His phone had definitely not been in his pants as he pushed her against the hallway wall, that much she knew for sure. But if it wasn't there, then where was it?
She returned her attention to him as he moaned softly and shifted his weight, she reached out a hand and smoothed back a lock of hair from his head as he calmed under her touch. It felt good to know that she could reach him in a way that others couldn't, he had responded to her without even realising it, a skill that she had employed more than once in the recent past.
For so long now, he had been consumed by the ghosts of his past as they haunted him mercilessly day and night. Numerous flashbacks had caught him off guard in the months that he'd struggled to recover from what had been done to him, still his demons haunted him at night, providing no let-up in his tormented suffering.
But this week things had been getting better, Horatio had finally relented and agreed to talk to a professional in a bid to lay his demons to rest once and for all. He had wavered at times, but his strength both physical and emotional had been returning to him at a steady pace. He had finally been showing signs of the man that she once knew, and it filled her with hope that he was finally beginning to move on from the horrors of his past.
But like a race car skidding out of control and hitting a wall at high speed, everything had come crashing to a halt with devastating effect. The groundwork had been laid and the foundations built, it had seemed to her as if they finally had a solid base to build from until he told her of his plans to meet his ex-wife, to clear the air with her and enable himself to move on properly.
She had been wary, and more than a little frightened, that Horatio spending the day with a woman such as Laura was a huge mistake. Yet she'd been told by both Horatio and Alexx that he needed time and space to make his own decisions, she had put her fears to one side and allowed him the freedom to make his own choice. Would he admit to himself now that it had been the wrong decision?
His load had been lightened considerably over the past few days, as she watched him sleep restlessly, she could not deny that he once again seemed troubled. His admission to her about how close he came to losing control had more than likely taken them both by surprise. After all the work Jeff had done with him, it seemed as if he had found a new reason to blame himself and decide that he was no longer worthy of her love.
It wasn't going to work though, not this time. He had done nothing wrong, his ex-wife had literally forced herself upon him and took advantage of his vulnerable state. Had it been he who forced himself on her there would be an outcry and accusations of rape, how could it be fair that a woman taking advantage of a man wasn't seen in the same light?
Laura had chipped away at the strength and resolve that he had managed to rebuild recently, loosening the ties that held his fragile emotional state together. She had no doubt that Andy had told her of the horrific ordeal he had been through, and she had used it to her own advantage, bending his emotions and feelings to her own will, confusing him as to what was real and what was fantasy.
Laura had played him like a fiddle, offering her forgiveness and providing him with false hope before sensing her moment to strike, sinking her claws into his flesh and into his heart once more. She was the ultimate predator, a panther waiting patiently in the shadows for the perfect time to attack. He had been easy prey for her, like a lone gazelle separated from the herd, she had waited until she had him on his own, defenceless, before she pounced.
And once she had made her move she would not let go, sinking her claws and her teeth further into him as she felt his resolve weaken and the fight leave his body. He was at her mercy, yet she had played with him, taunting him until she had satisfied herself that he was hers alone to do with as she pleased.
Her arrogance had been her undoing, he had used his last reserves of strength to break away from her, creating distance between predator and prey until he once again had room to breathe and make good on his escape. The way in which he countered her attack had surprised her, it gave him enough time to shore up his defences, pushing her away and meeting her attempts at attack with an aggression of his own. She had heeded his warning, and finally left him to lick his wounds in solitude. Like all good predators, she knew that her prey had been weakened, that she would just have to bide her time until the opportunity to attack presented itself once more.
He had somehow made it back home, emotionally wounded from his encounter with his ex-wife, limping back into the arms of the woman he loved. She hoped that his progress had not just taken a huge step backwards, he had been left battered and bruised by his encounter with Laura and she prayed that he had the ability to bounce back quickly and put the whole sorry business behind him. And she would give him that time for the wounds to heal, knowing that he would always find his way back to her.
The urge to protect him was almost too much, it caused her physical pain to watch him suffer so, yet this time she could not….no she would not go into battle for him. All she could do was stand defiantly by his side and hope to imbue him with some of her own strength, believing that her faith in him would be enough to pull both of them through.
Like a sentry standing guard, she lay next to him in bed, watching him sleep.
Consciousness, and the senses associated with it, returned slowly to him as he found himself lying on a cold and wet surface. He could feel the dampness seep into his bones as he tried to gain his bearings and figure out where the hell he was. He heard the sound of water dripping slowly, the torturous sound enough to remind him that he was thirsty…..so very thirsty.
He licked at his dry lips, wincing as his tongue came into contact with open wounds around his mouth, it was then that he recognised the tangy taste of his own blood. He lifted a hand to the damaged area, letting his throbbing head fall back down to the hard ground in defeat when he realised that his arms were bound together with what felt like rope.
It was only then that it occurred to him that he could not see anything, the pitch-black nothingness around him began to create a sense of trepidation within him. He had always prided himself on being a fearless man, yet he was lying bound and injured in some foreign place with no idea how he had got there. His remaining senses kicked into overdrive as his panic at not being able to see increased.
Who had done this to him? What had they done to his eyes, had they blinded him?
Think, man, think! he commanded himself as he tried to regain his composure. His fuzzy brain would not give him any clear recollection of how he had got here. He only hoped that his team had realised he was missing and were already looking for him.
He had been weakened by what they had done to him, he knew it would be pointless expending any more energy than he already had, he was bound and blinded with no hope of escape. But he had faith that his team would find him, he had taught them well. They would find him….he knew they would find him.
The sound of a door opening made him jump, his heart rate increased as he heard the footsteps making their way towards him. Keeping as still as possible, he lay unmoving on the floor, hoping that whoever it was hadn't come to finish him off.
The footsteps stopped suddenly, it was then that his nose caught a scent that seemed so familiar to him, yet he couldn't place it. His jumbled mind refused to process the olfactory sensation as the inklings of a memory began to tickle at the outskirts of his mind.
He felt himself being grabbed by his t-shirt and yanked to his feet, his captor obviously strong enough to hold him upright as he swayed on shaky legs. "What do you want?" he asked in a croaky voice as he swallowed down on the dry sensation in his mouth.
He received no answer and found himself being led from the room, a pair of strong hands pushing his back repeatedly. He had felt those hands before, hadn't he?
He'd been pushed down in a chair before he realised it, his hands tied behind his back, tugging on the restraints he found them looser than before. "Please, just tell me what it is that you want," he pleaded again as he heard the sound of something being unsheathed, his heart rate rocketing as he began to feel panic set in.
There was still no answer. Suddenly, he felt hands all over him. Pushing and prodding. Slapping and hitting. It wasn't just one pair of hands but dozens. He tried to curl in on himself, to protect his body from further harm. It was futile. They kept coming for him over and over again, his flesh feeling as if it were on fire as they showed him no mercy.
He tugged at the restraints, feeling a small amount of give in them. He had to get his hands free, he had to. Absorbing the blows as best he could, he finally managed to accomplish his task, pushing away at his abusers as he tried to escape until his hands found themselves wrapped around someone's throat. All of the other hands seemed to disappear suddenly.
"Let me go," he growled as his grip tightened.
He could feel thin fingers grabbing at his hand, gouging his flesh with their sharp nails as his captor struggled to free themselves from his vice-like grip. The movements of the fingers began to weaken until he heard a final breath leave the body of the one who had held him against his will.
He released his grip slowly, letting the body fall lifelessly to the floor. The adrenaline continued to surge through his veins as he struggled to come down from the thrill of the fight. He'd just killed someone, he'd had no choice, it was do or die. Yet a part of him enjoyed it, a part of him liked the God-like feeling of having someone else's life in his hands, choosing whether they lived or died. He had gotten a buzz from hearing the last few breaths leave his captor's body. He'd enjoyed it.
Now that his hands were free he could concentrate on finding his way out of the darkness, he reached up to his face and pulled roughly at the cloth around his eyes, wanting to look into the eyes of the monster who had taken him and held him against his will, to look down righteously at the one who had tried, and failed, to take him down.
The bright light stung his eyes as he struggled to adjust to the sensation of his sight returning. Taking a few moments to get his bearings, he looked down, ready to see the face of his captor. The same eyes that had been blinded moments before now widened in horror as he looked down at the body at his feet. He had done this…..he had done this to her.
His head fell back as he screamed and fell to his knees, crying out at anyone that could hear him. He'd done this to her and he had enjoyed it, what kind of monster had he become? He let out a feral scream, as if that alone would bring her back from the dead. But there was no point, she was dead.
And he had been the one to kill her.
She had become lost in her own musings and had failed to hear Horatio growing increasingly restless beside her. His eyes rolled from left to right in his head, low moans emanated from his mouth as he grimaced against whatever he was battling in his mind. His movements became more strained as his arms moved suddenly, trying to push away something only he could see. She reached out a hand, ready to place it on his shoulder and shake him awake.
He shot up in bed suddenly, gasping for air as his hands shook in his lap. Still in the grips of his nightmare, he looked down at his hands and couldn't believe that they belonged to him. These were the hands that had killed her, his hands had caused her death. He raised them shakily, wishing he could cut them away from the rest of his body. But they were his, they always had been. These were the hands that were cursed, much like the rest of him, cursed forever to do harm to the people that he loved.
Her gentle hand on the small of his back caused him to jump visibly as he stared at her with panicked eyes. How could she love him, how could she love someone who was such a monster?
He tried to get away from her, he didn't want to hurt her too, right now he didn't trust himself or what he might be capable of. Her strong grip refused to let him go as she placed her hands on his shoulders and kept him in place.
"Please let me go," he begged her, bringing back memories of his vision. Would history repeat itself, would his dream become reality?
"Not until you tell me what you were dreaming about."
"Please, you have to let me go. I'm no good…..I'm a monster."
His voice was so sad, she watched him look down at his hands as if he didn't recognise them. She had a fairly good idea of what he'd been dreaming of, he'd shocked himself with his admission that he had barely kept control of himself as his ex-wife hounded him repeatedly, trying to force herself upon him. She had no doubt that he would be beating himself up about it, convincing himself that he was just as evil and twisted as the men who had took him.
They'd come too far now, she was not going to let him fall back down into that deep pit of despair, not this time. Taking affirmative action, she took his head in her hands and spoke to him softly. "No you're not. None of this is your fault, you hear me?"
He kept his eyes down, refusing to look at her.
"She did this to you. She's the one who's a monster, not you."
He screwed his eyes shut, he didn't want to hear this. She hadn't seen what he had, she hadn't done what he nearly had. She couldn't understand, she wouldn't see him for the violent monster he had turned into. He shook his head as much as he could in her firm grasp.
His eyes finally met hers, as he looked at her with profound sadness. "But I could have hit her, Calleigh. Don't you see what kind of an animal that makes me?"
"You didn't hit her. You're a good man, Horatio. Why can't you see that?"
He wanted to believe her, but God he was tired. He was tired of all of this, of the constant fighting against himself and the world. Each time he felt that he was taking a step forward, he found himself being pushed two steps further back. This was so hard, and he was so tired. Resistance was futile, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and return to the sweet sensation of blank nothingness that unconsciousness would give him.
It was as if she had read his mind, as she leaned over and lifted a small pot from the cabinet beside his bed. Tipping three pills out into her hand, she held it out to his shaking ones and dropped them into his palms. "Take them," she commanded him firmly as he looked at her nervously.
"Calleigh…."
"Take them. For me…..please?"
Finally he relented as he threw them into his mouth and swallowed them down with the glass of water she had given him.
"Lay down, I'm staying right here with you."
He followed her commands as she helped him lie back, running her fingers through his hair as he felt the pills take effect on his tired body. He looked into her face and saw nothing but the love she held for him as she smiled back down at him. He trusted her, he trusted her more than anyone else in the world. She seemed to know what he was thinking before he'd even formed the thought himself most of the time, conscious of his needs before he was.
But he was so tired, so tired that all he wanted to do was close his eyes and drift away, and he could, knowing that he was safe with her. She would not place unreasonable demands on him, she never had. She loved him for the man he was, even if there was a monster lurking deep inside.