The first thing she became aware of was the incessant squawking of the alarm by her bedside, she reached out blindly and pounded it into submission until it ceased its irritating tone. She had watched him for hours, protecting him from unseen threats, the pills seemed to have the desired effect as he slept peacefully for the rest of the day and night.
Their effects seemed to be wearing off now though, as she watched him let out a low groan, rubbing his eyes before opening them. "Calleigh?" he questioned in a sleep-roughened voice.
She leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on his check. "I'm right here."
"What time is it?"
"Time to get up for work," she responded with a sigh. "Why don't you take the day off and get some more rest?"
He shook his head as he pulled himself into a sitting position. "I have to go in. Sleeping isn't going to make this go away is it?" He gave her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, he pulled the covers back and pulled himself out of bed. It was then that he realised that he was completely naked, a quick glance at Calleigh proved that the same was true for her.
What had they done yesterday? He honestly couldn't remember much past eating breakfast in bed. Running a hand through his hair roughly, he forced himself to remember what had transpired after that.
Suddenly, it came to him.
He remembered now, how he admitted that Lori had almost broken his resolve, how he had almost committed the biggest mistake of his life, how he had pushed Lori away before he lost his temper completely. Then, he remembered how close he had come to losing control completely, how frightened she looked, how terrified he was to discover that he could almost be capable of such a thing.
He'd expected Calleigh to push him away, to treat him like the monster that he was. Yet she didn't, she pulled him closer and showed him nothing but love and understanding. It should have made him feel good, to know that he had someone as special as Calleigh to love him, yet all it did was make him feel worse, feeling as if he was not worthy of her patience and understanding.
She sat in bed as she watched him lose himself in his thoughts, watching the muscles in his face clench as he obviously recounted the events of yesterday and sought to place the blame squarely at his own door. She'd given him time, hoping that he would come to the realisation himself that he had not been to blame. Time and rest had not seemed to heal the raw and open wounds that his ex-wife had inflicted on him, and so she rose from the bed to stand before him.
She took both of his hands in her own and squeezed them firmly until he met her gaze. "Don't let her do this to you, Horatio. Don't let her win."
His face crumbled as he looked at her in sheer despair. "I can't get it out of my head….what I could have done….What am I going to do, Calleigh?"
"You have an appointment today?" she asked gently. He nodded his head, knowing exactly which appointment she was referring to. "Talk to him, you can't keep holding all of this stuff inside….it's eating you up...I can't bear to see you suffer." Her voice broke suddenly as she struggled to get the last few words out.
Despite his own pain, he pulled her close and enveloped her in a fierce hug, wanting to take away the sadness that he alone had caused her. He placed a hand on her head as he kept her close to his chest, kissing her hair gently.
"We'll get through this," she told him with conviction.
"I know, Sweetheart."
"Just promise me that you won't let go….Promise me that you won't give up."
But oh how he wanted to, he wanted nothing more than to give up and let them win. His life had become a daily battle, a warzone with no sign of peace in sight. But just who was he fighting, the demons that threatened to take him over or his own conscience? The longer the battle raged, the weaker he was becoming. Just as he thought he was making progress, some unseen ghoul would pounce from behind and threaten to drag him down further into Hell than he was before.
But she was his beacon of light, his source of hope in a time where everything seemed so futile. She provided the radiance in his world full of shadows, giving him heart when he felt his own faith waning. Giving him the will to keep moving, even when life tried to beat him back down again. With her by his side he would keep fighting, no matter how many times he tripped or stumbled, her hand would be held out for him to grab onto, pulling him back to his feet once more. He would dust himself off, steel his courage and live to fight another day.
She was his source of strength, standing by his side and offering him nothing but love and comfort, filling him with the belief that he could be a better man, making him want to be a better man, for her. She had asked for nothing in return, never asking him for more than he could give her. He was damaged, at times unable to reciprocate the love she had shown him, confused by emotions that he thought he once understood but now seemed so alien to him. Confused by the fact that he continued to struggle to separate his past from his present, frightened of the feelings that he could or would not comprehend as his overworked mind battled to regain some sort of equilibrium.
He had no idea if her faith in him was justified, he couldn't see what she so clearly could, that there was something there, someone buried beneath the pain and confusion that was worth saving. When his strength deserted him, what remained of the man that had been left behind? What did she see in him that he couldn't?
He trusted her, he trusted her judgment that there was something there, no matter how small, that was worth fighting for. Would she be the one to help him rebuild his shattered life, to help him heal the wounds of the past and finally make peace with himself? Could he ever truly find the courage to ask for the forgiveness of the one person he was too frightened to ask?
Forgiveness was the key, it would be the one thing that would bring him salvation, the one thing that would lift the heavy burden he had been carrying for too long now. Making peace with the people from his past was only part of the solution, he alone held the answer. He alone would be the only one who could end this.
He held onto her tighter, willing himself to find the strength to do what was needed. He whispered in her ear the words that he hoped he would be able to honour. "I won't give up….I promise you."
Ryan and Eric were both in the locker room when their cell phones chirped simultaneously.
"It's from Tripp," Eric said as he read the message. "Says uniforms found a DB in Biscayne Boulevard, down in the Spanish quarter. Says it's urgent too."
"Wanna drive, Eric?" Ryan responded with a sigh as he shut his locker, hoping to get at least a few hours peace and quiet before the shift got into full swing, when crime scenes and bodies started piling up.
"Hell yeah. Seniority remember?"
The two men smiled at each other, having called a truce and airing their grievances at the bar several days ago. "Just remember, Delko. Payback's a bitch."
The two of them spent most of the drive to Biscayne Boulevard and its gang-heavy Hispanic community discussing the scores from college football and basketball games, doing anything they could to avoid talking about Horatio and the events of last week.
Neither had seen or heard from the Lieutenant in the past two days, Eric wasn't sure if he was relieved or had even more reason to be concerned at the lack of contact. He trusted Calleigh to keep an eye on him, even though his pride still stung at her harsh words and assessment of his recent behaviour, he had no doubts that she would watch over his brother in law when he couldn't.
But Horatio was a grown man, a man who certainly was not used to being weak and vulnerable. He had never before been in the position to need protecting and he could see the way it ate at him. The first few days of his return to the Lab had been nothing short of disastrous, as he watched a strong and vital man such as Horatio flounder and struggle as he tried to prove to himself, and the team, that he was still the leader they had come to rely on so heavily.
That should have been the time that the team had put on a united front and protected their colleague, yet they descended into arguments and petty squabbles instead. Even the normally level-headed Calleigh had struggled to keep a grip on events as they spiralled dangerously out of control. Horatio had never asked anything of his team, he had always been the one to provide them with support and understanding, unifying the team despite the differences they might have had.
He had never asked anything of them, yet when he needed them to step up, they had all failed him. Each and every one of them were to blame, they had all been more concerned with their own pain to see just how much their stoic leader was suffering still. They should have had his back, like he had always had theirs.
What did it say for the rest of the team that Horatio himself had to be the one to try to heal the rifts within the team? As much as he was still struggling to put past events behind him, he had put his needs to one side and tell the members of his team a few home truths.
Judging by the talk he had with Ryan at the bar, it was clear that Horatio had spoken to both of them privately and reiterated what was expected of them. It had served to unite the pair of them, both in shame for the way they had acted, and in determination that they would not let their superior down again.
There was already a large crowd growing by the time they pulled up in the Hummer. Uniformed officers were taping a large area of the densely populated, yet run-down neighbourhood, at least half a dozen squad cars were dotted around the scene. Small groups of young Hispanic men heavy with tattoos were watching on with interest, blatantly smoking marijuana as they perched on their lowered bikes, talking between themselves in hushed tones.
Eric pulled his kit from the vehicle and motioned for his colleague to follow him, both of them kept their hands close to their weapons, shoot-outs between locals and police had been known to happen before, neither of them were planning to take any chances. "What have we got, Frank?" he asked as he placed his kit down before pulling out a pair of latex gloves and snapping them on.
"Nice to see you've shown up finally," Frank groused as he ran a frustrated hand over his balding head. He at least had the good grace to apologise when he saw the pointed look Eric gave him. "Sorry, Delko. I've been here since 6am and this day sure ain't getting any damn better."
Ryan caught up and placed his kit down, clicking it open and pulling on his own latex gloves. "Is that when the call came in, why didn't the nightshift take it?"
"Because they're the meat-heads that got us into this mess in the first place."
The two CSIs looked at each other in confusion, the detective was not making any sense. Whose body was it that they were dealing with anyway?
"I'm not following, Frank. I think you're gonna have to start from the beginning on this one."
With a deep sigh of frustration, the detective pulled out his notepad and began a recitation of events that had led them to this point. "You know we've been keeping tabs on Jesus Fernandez since we released him?" Eric and Ryan nodded in understanding. "My guys on the dayshift were told to play it cool, hang back just out of sight and let the dumbass trip himself up."
"What's this got to do with Fernandez?" Ryan asked as he crouched down towards his kit.
"Some asswipe on nights decided it'd be a good idea to rattle the cage of the locals, spreading the word that Fernandez was talking to the cops in exchange for a deal."
"But Fernandez didn't?"
"No, Eric. He didn't, which is why the dead body we found this morning is such a problem."
The tall Texan took a couple of steps to the side so that both CSIs could see what was left of the victim. The clothes and hair were a match, although there was not much remaining of the man's face to identify him by sight alone. If any more proof was needed, the tattoos on the arms matched those of their suspect in the Simpson murder case. The body was unmistakably that of Jesus Fernandez.