If you don't have a sense of foreboding yet, you should.

He nearly crashed into Lillian on his way out of the house, an embarrassing wetness coming to his eyes; it felt as if his stomach was now residing somewhere about his ankles, the stew he had ate earlier churning uncomfortably.

He felt like an idiot, his head spinning as thoughts raced through it. How could he not see what was happening? But perhaps he had been too wrapped up in Lillian to focus on much else as of late. But wasn't it exactly like this before his father had left? He was always wandering off, never all there whenever they spoke, abandoning his responsibilities. How could he have been so blind; he was failing Cheryl, in every way his father had failed him.

"We should go after her, right?" He was almost surprised to hear Lillian speak, her awkwardness around him seeming to vanish in light of the current situation. "She wasn't wearing a jacket; it's too cold for her to be out there for a long time."

It took a moment for him to find his voice again. "Right. Here, let me walk you home, then I'll go after her."

Lillian's eyes narrowed, her tone more gentle than usual despite the scowl on her face. "Don't be ridiculous... Come on, it will be faster if the both of us go, anyway."

He could hardly look at her as she tugged on his sleeve and pulled him through the autumn air. He felt the unfamiliar burning of shame in his throat; how could he have let this happen? And even worse, how could he have let Lillian get caught in the middle?

"She's probably up by the river. She usually goes there when she's pouting." He said in the somewhat hollow voice. "You know, you don't have to come."

Lillian bristled somewhat beside him. "Do you not want me there?"

"No, no." He still hadn't looked at her, his eyes fixed on the cobble stone street that lead to the mountain's base. "I just... After tonight, I mean, I understand if you don't want to be around my family."

He could practically feel Lillian's thoughts whirring around her head. He had the overwhelming urge to reach out for her, and had to stick his hands in his pockets to fight the impulse. "No, it's alright... Well, I don't know. They seem to really not like me."

He sighed as she wobbled slightly on the loose stone; it was beginning to get too dark to see where they were walking. "It's not you. I think they just have been feeling a bit neglected. And I think it scares them a bit too. Not having me there to take care of things all the time... I mean, it is my ranch, after all. What would they do if I left?"

"But the whole thing about Laney..."

He shrugged. "It's nothing, okay? My Mom's crazy, she just... I don't know. I think she has it in her head that Laney would solidify me staying in the village... Look, let's just talk about something else. It's not important."

Lillian grabbed his arm, jostling him slightly as she pulled him to a stop beside her. "It is so important! Just... Look at me, Ash." He kept his eyes fixed on his shoes until she reached for him, jerking his chin up until his eyes met hers. "Let's talk about it, please-"

"Listen, now isn't really the time..."

She released his chin, her hand moving to grip the back of his neck. "I know we haven't been on the best of terms the last day or so but... Just tell me why you're mad at me now."

"I'm not mad at you-"

Her grip tightened momentarily before she dropped her hand to her side, her hiss of breath clouding between them. "Just tell me, Ash. You know how much I hate it when you're passive aggressive, it's one of your worst qualities."

She had moved to storm away from him in her usual fashion, but was stopped as his hands shot out to her. Gripping her about the elbow, he jerked her back to face him. "Worst qualities? Let's talk about bad qualities." He could feel his temper running away from him, his tone icy. "Why can't you commit to this?"

"This?"

"Us!" He gestured wildly between them. "I mean... Look, you're giving me mixed signals. One minute you're completely cold and couldn't give a shit about what we are, saying all this rubbish about doing things our own way, then the next you're freaking out over some crap my mother said... You know, I meant what I said up on the mountain. I want you, I want this. I want people to look at us and know about what we have and know without a doubt that what we have is... I don't know. Special. Or at the very least real enough to respect... I just need to know. Did you mean what you said too?"

She was struggling to escape his grip now, her arms jerking wildly in his grasp. "You're right, this isn't the place-"

"Answer the question!" He bellowed, pulling her so tightly against him he could feel her breath on his neck.

"No!" She shrieked, pushing back against him and finally escaping his hold. They stood there for a few moments, both breathing heavily before she spoke again. "No, okay. I didn't mean it." Her voice broke slightly. "I just... Ash, I'm no good for you. I've always thought it and given everything that's happened..."

The idea was so ridiculous that he laughed. "You're kidding."

"It's true." She crossed her arms, staring at a nearby apply tree. "Everyone says so. I mean... Ash, you're this perfect guy. You have this amazing life here in Bluebell; an amazing family, and amazing ranch, you even have a girl lined up to marry. And I just waltzed in and ruined everything."

He shook his head, reaching for her until he found her in the darkness. "Listen to me." He murmured into her lavender hair, his arm snaking around her waist. "Listen. You aren't ruining anything. I never dreamt that I would ever meet anyone like you. Everything else is so much less important, less meaningful without you.. If anyone is amazing, you are, Lillian..."

"I'm not amazing!" She burst out, struggling to shove him off of her. "Ash, you listen to me. We can't be together. We just can't, okay? Look at us! Your family hates me, all we do is fight-"

It felt as if every word she uttered was puncturing him, like he was making the transition of becoming a deflated balloon. He tried to grab her, hold her still, as he spoke softly against her thrashing limbs. "Lillian, don't be stupid. That's us, we fight, that's just what we do-"

She had succeeded of holding him off to an arms length. He had never seen her look so heartbreakingly beautiful, her long hair hanging over one shoulder and her cheeks a flaming red. "No, Ash. It's done, I just... We can't be together. We shouldn't have even... It's over, okay? I'm done putting you through this, I'm not worth it."

He could feel his heart beating in his ears and threw caution to the wind; shoving her arms out of the way he forced himself on her, taking her head in his hands and forcing her mouth to meet his. Her fingers pressed against his chest, her nails digging into his chest and trying to push him away, her mouth unyielding under his as she struggled to pull back. He could feel all his blood pumping in his ears; if he could just kiss her well enough, he could make her see reason-

He cried out as she kicked him roughly in the shin, combined with her hands against his chest she succeeded in sending him a few feet backwards. "What the hell was that?" She screamed, spitting roughly on the ground as if she wanted to rid the taste of him from her mouth.

He was stunned; she had never hit him before. "I thought-"

"That if you kissed me everything would be okay?" She screamed again. He felt a sudden pang in his chest as he realized she was crying, and it was that more than anything that made him rush forward.

"Oh, Goddess. Lillian I am so sorry." She didn't resist as he reached up, his hands struggling to wipe the hot, wet tears as they rushed down her face. "I'm an idiot, I'm such an idiot..."

"Yes, you are." She yelled at him, stiffening slightly as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in an embrace against his chest. "Please stop, Ash." She said against his chest, contradicting herself as she reached up, her hands pressing against his back. "This is already so hard, why do you have to make it worse?"

They stood like that for a long time. He pressed his face into her hair, the first thing he fell in love with, and willed her silently to see some sense. He couldn't take her walking away... And yet she did. With a final sweep of her hands against his neck she pulled back, looking up at him through wet lashes.

"You're right... Maybe it's best if you find your sister alone."

She didn't wait for him to reply, and had disappeared into the orchard trees long before he found his voice again.

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