Chapter Three
The Great Revelation
It felt very strange that sixth year was over.
Next year would be Lily's last at Hogwarts and even though she had accomplished some impressive things in her six years, somehow it felt like there was more to be done. Not necessarily academically, but on a more personal basis. Something she had fought a long time to cover up was working its way up to the surface.
It was this self reflection that had brought Lily to the Great Hall at dawn.
It was a secret tradition that began the end of her first year when she'd found that the doors were always unlocked. So it came to be that every year on the morning before the train ushered them home that Lily snuck down before the sun rose and contemplated…well- whatever needed to be contemplated.
In first year it had been whether Petunia would speak to her again now that they were back living together. In second she had worried about Remus and his sad eyes, while in third her consideration had focused on the Marauders' unhealthy immaturity. Her fourth was spent coming up with plans to stop her friendship from dwindling with Sev, and in her fifth she had just wept over her parents' death.
This year, however, Lily could think of nothing but herself.
With nothing but cold stone beneath her, she stared at the expansive ceiling from where she calculated was the dead center of the room.
Lily had put a lot of effort into everyone in her life.
It had occurred to her at a very young age that she was a relatively happy person- or at least it didn't take a lot to make her happy. Other people, much to her dismay, seemed to struggle with happiness. So when her sister had broken her toy and cried for hours, it seemed very easy for Lily to give Petunia her own as a replacement, and when Petunia was miserable that Lily was different, it had been simple to act as if she were not.
Pathetic
James' words which had seemed so off the mark, struck her like a bull's-eye.
A million examples came to mind at the word.
She thought of her parents staring lovingly at one another, while she told Petunia over and over that she loved her, just because her parents always forgot to remind them.
She could see Severus making fun of muggles and in the process, however unintentionally, her family, while she forgave him again and again because he just didn't know any better. Even now that she had tried to cut off the relationship she still sent him a birthday present every year.
She felt sick thinking about Sirius. She saw him slipping away from her night after night with no explanation. She wasn't even allowed to wonder. He didn't know anything about her, except she was pretty and knew how to kiss. Whispering to her how perfect she was, when what he meant was she had perfect breast and how perfectly enviously other boys stared at him.
She saw herself writing letter after letter to her dorm mates during the holiday while they were too distracted to reply. When Kat's one and only boyfriend had broken it off with her Lily had sat up with her all night while she cried and she'd been so tired the next morning she'd missed a Prefect meeting and gotten scolded by McGonagall.
Evie was always forgetting to write her essays and when Professor Flitwick had threatened to hold her back a year, Lily had given Evie her own. Lily had gotten her first- and only- detention for failure to do her work.
When she cried at night, her dorm mates never asked why. If she slept late, they forgot to wake her up. They never offered, if Lily needed something.
The thoughts and memories bombarded her. James Potter, and his ever present stare, had seen her for who she truly was, when she'd been too busy 'seeing' everyone else.
Lily was pathetic.
She just had to figure out what that meant for the future.
She was lost in deep thought for hours, managing to avoid the Marauders and her friends for the rest of the morning and the entire ride back to London.
The problem was as much as she thought about her revelation and all the ways it seemed to be true, she couldn't seem to process changing at all. Sure, she had somehow lost her easy happiness by giving it all away, but wouldn't it be worse if she was all alone. She had given up Severus.
No- she was lying again.
Severus had given up on her. He had chosen darkness and hate, but the worst part was she could see now that she hadn't given him up at all. He was still in her heart crushing her with every 'mudblood' joke she overheard and every cruel sneer.
She held them all in her heart altering anything she could about herself to make it easier for them to love her. It seemed she had changed so much that she had forgotten how to love herself somewhere along the way.
For all this thinking and pondering, Lily still had come to the same conclusion as the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station.
It could be so much worse. If she quit now then she'd lose everything. She would be alone and unloved, and there was no way that would make her happy anyhow.
"There are you are, Lovely!" Sirius spotted her as she pulled her baggage off the train. Happy reunions exploded all around them like fireworks. "What've you been up to?"
"I got to the train early and fell asleep. I figured you lot would wake me up." She lied struggling to smile.
He didn't seem to notice. As he whistled goodbyes to other students, Lily suspected he wasn't even listening. "Okay, well I'm off to the Potter's! I'll miss you. I'll owl you tomorrow."
He kissed her distractedly and turned to jog off. "You can't owl me, Sirius…"
She had his attention now. She was going to snap at him for his behavior. She didn't deserve to be treated this way. She had wanted to be alone on the train, but she was still hurt that no one had even come to look for her. They hadn't even missed her.
"Try muggle post. My sister would go nutters if a big owl was patrolling the house." She couldn't do it. She needed Sirius to love her and if this was the only way he knew how then it would have to do. She was being ridiculously sensitive anyways.
Oblivious to her inner struggle, he laughed nodding to her request and muttering about 'silly muggles' as he disappeared.
"Lily!" A voice called from the thick crowd as she made her way into the muggle section of the platform. "Lily, wait!"
No one was supposed to be meeting her in the station. Her instructions were to wait outside for an unidentified ride and per Petunia wishes "for God's sake, where something normal!"
She stopped to wait in the bustling crowd for whoever it was to find her looking around curiously, but it was impossible to see through the bodies that shuffled against her. The voice sounded again and she saw a flash of black hair behind a family of gingers.
Lily felt silly happiness well up inside of her and for a horrified moment as she made her way over to a less busy area, she felt her eyes sting in a way she'd become familiar with in her fifth year.
Someone was making an effort to seek her out to say goodbye. For the first time that day, Lily didn't feel pathetic at all.
Finally shoving a man twice her size out of the way, Kat stood before Lily. The fringe that was usually swept to the side of her face hung low over her eyes from the aggression of her pursuit. "Where have you been all day? You weren't even going to say goodbye?"
She wanted to tell Kat about her horrible feelings so badly that the words formed a lump in her throat the size of a snitch. She coughed helplessly against it and blinked rapidly trying to clear her eyes.
She was being ridiculous.
That was exactly what Kat would say to her about the whole thing. Suddenly it all did seem rather ridiculous. "It's only two days, Kat. I'll be taking the Knight Bus over to your place tomorrow night after the wedding. Don't forget to thank your parents again for letting me stay while Petunia is on her honeymoon."
Kat's big blue eyes looked uncertainly up at her and Lily thought she had never looked more like a little girl. Kat's quick wit and inappropriately hilarious comments made her seem larger than life in Lily's eyes, but Kat was truly very tiny. Slightly taller than Marley, but she was unnaturally petite. "I have terrible news!"
"What?" A rising panic set in her gut hoping Kat's mother and father were okay.
"My mother's stupid spawn came two weeks early!" For Kat who had been an only child her entire life, the news that her mother was pregnant sixteen entire years after her first child, had been unbelievable. Kat had thrashed around for weeks after she'd found out about the pregnancy in October, and for a month after she'd found out it was a girl.
"Is the baby alright?"
"Perfectly healthy." Kat allowed grudgingly. "Everyone's so thrilled."
"But Kat why is that terri-….oh." The baby was here. There would be no energy for Lily. She was glad when the stinging did not return, but something scarier took its place instead. A numbness crept into her, unlike anything she had ever felt. "It's not terrible at all. I completely understand. Give your new sister a kiss from me and be sure to wish your parents well."
"You have somewhere else, right?" Kat still looked uncomfortable. She didn't want a guilty conscience.
"Of course!" Lily was quick to shoo away the pity on her friend's face. She was perfectly aware that her traitorous eyes betrayed her lie, but she didn't want Kat to feel pity for her. "I'll just stay at my sister's flat. It'll be nice to have some alone time while Petunia is away."
Kat gave her friend a grateful hug and hurried off to a tired looking man, Lily knew was her father.
She refused to think about it now.
Whoever was here to escort her home was probably furious and Lily jogged as quickly as she could manage while dragging her trunk to the pick-up line.
An obnoxious horn blew from the parking lot across the street and Lily instantly recognized the neutral colored car that belonged to Vernon's sister, Marjorie. Lily had never met the woman, but ridden in her car a few times last summer while work had been being done to Vernon's own automobile.
She paused seeing a woman she didn't recognize behind the wheel and at that moment a large truck went by soaking Lily's back with brown puddle water.
Staring at Lily through narrowed beady eyes, the woman honked again apparently signaling she was indeed Lily's ride.
"..'er..hello." Lily said awkwardly pulling open the passenger door, but unwilling to sit on the nice leather with her soaking jeans and ruined shirt. A nice shirt that she'd taken pains picking out to impress Petunia with her muggle fashion sense, Lily thought bitterly. If she were allowed to do magic then there really wouldn't be a problem at all. "I seem to be a bit wet."
"Just get in already!" The woman had thin hair and an overwhelming nose. Lily couldn't decide if her mouth was actually abnormally small or it just appeared that way in contrast with the rest of her large facial features. "I've been waiting for hours, my only instructions to pick up a ginger!"
"Oh…very sorry!" Lily said sincerely though she was sure 'hours' was an exaggeration. "You must be Marge! I've heard a lot about you even though we've never been formally introduced. I'm Lily Evans."
She scoffed at Lily unattractively while pulling the large vehicle onto the road with little ease. "I'm second cousin Bernice, and a bit of a tip- no one is allowed to call her Marge, but the people she likes. She'll certainly be Marjorie to you. Or even better Ms. Dursley."
Apparently the only thing more unpleasant about this woman than her face was her personality. She was sure she wasn't calling anyone 'Ms.' that was less than ten years older that her. "Where are we going? This isn't the way to Petunia's flat."
"Of course not. We're going to Marge's country house. It's where the wedding is being held. Don't you know anything?" For only the second time since Lily had entered the car second cousin Bernice looked at Lily. "Are you sure you're Petunia's sister? You don't favor in the least."
Lily was a beat away from explaining that Petunia had their mother's blonde hair and favored their father in the face, while Lily had her grandmother's red hair, mother's curls, and father's eyes.
"She definitely didn't mention anything about you being pretty." Bernice grumbled along. She said 'pretty' in a way that sounded more like 'deformed.' As if being attractive was an oddity in itself.
Lily thought that if they thought her mere appearance was questionable then they definitely wouldn't be pleased with her extra-curricular activities.
The numb made a nice little cocoon for comments to bounce off of and Lily found herself thinking of nothing but the scenery the rest of the drive.
Marjorie's house was very nice. The large frame was complimented by big windows capped with darling light blue shutters, and the miles of land that stretched monotonously were broken up by small scatterings of flowers and shrubberies.
If Marjorie was anything like her house, then Lily decided she would like her very much. It was beautiful and the perfect place to be married.
"Where are you going?" Lily was confused to see Bernice getting ready to pull away after Lily had single handily pulled her trunk from the car.
The second cousin rolled her eyes in a natural way that let Lily know she had already decided that Lily was useless. "To the rehearsal dinner, of course, with the rest of the family."
Lily would have liked to point out that she was family too. "What am I supposed to do?"
Bernice shrugged and hit the gas leaving a cloud of dust behind for Lily to inhale.
The house was unlocked allowing Lily to let herself inside. She had a bit of a look around and only screamed out once when sudden ferocious barking filled the house. Peaking out the window Lily noted several scary looking dogs in pins out back. She also spotted a beautiful set up of elegant white chairs facing a magnificent wooden archway. It was where Lily would become the only Evans left.
A sad sigh broke through the numb at the thought, but it was easy to push away distracting herself when she found a room that she decided was meant to be hers.
It was one of the smallest she'd seen.
The room was only big enough for two twin beds that were accessorized by a bedside cabinet wedged between them. There was also a dress hanging on the door with "Lily" scrawled on the tag.
For a moment Lily was pleased thinking Petunia had changed her mind about Lily being in the wedding, but much smaller writing she had missed on the flipside, corrected her.
Just wanted you to look nice and normal. –P
Funny that Petunia had insisted Lily couldn't be a bridesmaid because it would be too much trouble to get her fitted, but she'd picked out a dress in just her size.
Without even looking at what Petunia had deemed 'nice and normal' she fell onto the nearest bed fully clothed and still moist.
And even though the setting sun was shining right on her face and her legs hung off the end of the small bed uncomfortably, Lily gratefully excepted sleep as it came to her.
"LILY!" It was the second time she been jolted unpleasantly awake recently and she decided she was going to start sleeping less if it caused so much trouble.
Her sister stood in the doorway to the room which was once again filled with sunlight. The hard unmoving sleep made her muscles stiff as she got up to greet Petunia.
The bride stopped the hug before it began with a wave at her hair and makeup, which were already done and apparently not to be shaken with pleasantries.
"You're going to ruin the wedding!" She shrieked at Lily accusingly. "You're not even dressed!"
"Oh…" Lily was a bit behind it seemed, but she hadn't intended to sleep through night. "I'm sor-."
Petunia cut her off again rushing out of the room exclaiming how she "just can't handle this right now."
An hour later when Lily was finally seated on the front row where her parents should have sat, she took the time to be embarrassed about her appearance.
She'd rushed through a cold shower (the hot had been used up hours ago), before pulling her hair into damp ponytail. She didn't have on a dab of makeup which normally wouldn't bother her, but she would have liked to look nice for Petunia.
The worst however was the dress. It was the color of pale skin with thick straps that overwhelmed her petite shoulders. It was too small in the chest while somehow swallowing her figure with its thick unforgivable material that hung to her shins.
The entire ceremony felt odd and distant, like she was the date of a distant cousin instead of the sister of the bride. She tried to approach Petunia a few times at the reception, but the bride was busy with pictures and her new family.
Finally just before it was time for the car to take them away, she spotted Petunia ducking into a bathroom.
"Oh." Petunia said when she entered like she was shocked to see Lily in attendance at all. "Hello."
"You looked really beautiful today, Tuny." Lily found it very easy to smile for the first time in two days.
Her older sister allowed a small grin at the compliment. "Can you unzip me?"
They set out in the task of getting off the frilly white dress and getting her into the traveling clothes without messing up her hair or makeup.
"Turns out I'm going to need to stay at your flat after all." Lily said gently placing the gown on a hanger and trying to sound nonchalant with her confession.
"What are you talking about? What flat?" Petunia sounded appropriately puzzled as she touched up her face in the mirror. "I told you months ago I got out of the lease when Vernon got his promotion. It'd be silly to have a flat in London while I'm living in Sweden!"
"Sweden?" The last time she'd gotten a letter from Petunia it had only given her information about the wedding's date. "When are you going to Sweden?"
Petunia sighed exasperated by her odd sister. "Do you even read my letters? Vernon got an assignment to start up a plant in Sweden. We're headed there after the honeymoon and we'll be there for ten months. As I explained in my letter, you needed to find other living arrangements for the summer because the flat provided is one bedroom. I told you to let me know if you couldn't find someone to take you so I could do it myself."
Her face was turning an odd red color that Lily immediately identified as trouble. The truth was that since Lily and Petunia only communicated via muggle post, the letters took an incredible long time to reach either way.
"I never heard from you again so I assumed you were staying with one of your-." She made a disgusted face. "…friends."
"Oh."
Petunia stopped pulling on her shoes and looked desperately at Lily. "This isn't going to be a problem is it?"
She couldn't do it. It wasn't fair to be sad on your wedding day, even if you do treat your sister badly.
Lily gave her sister the only wedding present she could. "Definitely not. I'll just let the Cooper's know that I'll be having a bit of an extended stay. They'll be thrilled."
Quicker than Lily could comprehend the newlyweds were gone in a spray of birdseed and she sat alone on her trunk by the road. People had cleared out so fast that she would have suspected magic if she didn't know any better.
Someone was kind enough to leave her trunk outside and when Lily tried the door it was locked.
Pathetic
A burst of something terrible was ripping at the numb in her chest. She could do nothing as it rushed forward except wait for it to envelope her. She couldn't imagine the ominous title wave would spare anything in its path.
Only when she opened her mouth to let it escape, laughter bubbled out in great heaving currents.
She had never laughed like this before. It was loud and unashamed. Her humorless mirth scratched her throat raw and made her eyes burn with unshed tears.
The outside light of the house flicked off and plunged her into complete darkness, but that only made her laugh harder.
Nothing was funny.
Pathetic
She certainly wasn't laughing with herself. She had become this person who deserved to be laughed at for her pathetic-ness.
She knew she was going to have to call the Knight Bus, but the problem was where it would take her.
Some time had passed and eventually the air was silent except for rebellious crickets and mumbling owls.
Being homeless was a terrible feeling, Lily decided- maybe the worst. She giggled again.
Her parents' house had burned down with both of them inside.
Her sister had no room for Lily in her new life.
She couldn't go to Kat's.
Marley's house was under so much protection that she doubted even the Minister of Magic knew its location.
Evie and her family spent summers overseas.
Sirius lived at the Potters' and that wasn't even an option. Not only because James would surely throw her out, but also because she couldn't stand his eyes to be on her knowing just how truly pathetic she had become.
Jingling the little bit of magical money she possessed, she held out her wand having made her decision.
A short jump later Lily felt sick handing over money to the driver for such a quick trip, but it was done.
It was past midnight when she entered the Leaky Cauldron and she was shocked to see the usual barman, Tom, working. When did he sleep?
After a bit of haggling Lily reserved a room for the night and became painfully aware that she would be out of money within the week.
Her family had lived comfortably with the support of both her parents' jobs, but they hadn't made any arrangements for after death. It had happened rather unexpectedly. Her parents had used a decent bit of savings setting up Petunia in London, viewing it as an investment, but they weren't here to collect. All that was left was spent on the funeral, Petunia's wedding, and Lily's school books for last term.
It wasn't until she was without money that she could completely appreciate just how expensive it is to simply survive.
She had spent last summer in London with Petunia, who made decent money, but not enough to support them both, so Lily had gotten a job at a muggle café. She was counting on that experience to help her land a job now.
She had one week, maybe less, before…. that was the worst part. She had no idea what happened after that.
Four days passed and not only had she not found a job, but she was so lonely she'd taken to sitting at the bar just to be around other humans. Well- the term 'humans' is slightly misleading, a good deal of the regulars were little more than scum, but a few of them could be rather charming in their belligerent states.
There weren't many young patrons to the bar, but every once in a while she spotted someone who could've passed for a Hogwarts' student. Women of any age seemed to stay home completely or at least socialize elsewhere as Lily hadn't spotted any of her gender.
"Hey, Pepper?" Tom called in her direction on her fourth night at the bar.
Lily was sitting alone, even though she was sure a group of younger men that seemed to be growing every night were about to invite her over.
After a moment of Tom looking directly at her she realized that she was 'Pepper.'
"Er…yes?"
He stared at her calculatingly while his hands busied themselves wiping out glasses. "You got money for your room tonight?"
She nodded. There was exactly enough money for one last night before she was literally put out on the street.
"You renting for the summer?" His gruff voice was pointed towards her, but his gaze focused on the group of men Lily had considered making conversation with.
"No." Chances were she'd be begging for mercy at the Potter household. Maybe they'd give her work as a maid as humiliating as that would be. She was out of options. "I was trying to find a job, but I've had no luck."
Tom's eyes never left the pub behind her and in a bottle's reflection she saw a man that she'd spoken with the night before enter with an entourage of other young wizards. "A job?"
"Well, yes. I've got some experience in the restaurant industry, but no one is hiring."
"Know anything about working at a pub?" His eyes shifted to hers. They were a nice blue color that contrasted his coarse exterior.
"Only what I've seen here." She admitted honestly. It had been the wrong thing to admit because Tom turned away from her, the curious glint in his eyes extinguished.
Everything in her screamed to admit defeat- that it was over and she would either go sleep on a bench or drag her bum to James Potter's house like the pathetic wimp she was, but the vigor of survival kicked in. "But I'm dead clever…and quick. Most everyone here orders firewhiskey or butterbeer anyways and if they want something else I'll figure it out-."
He tried to cut her off and she was sure he was going to tell her this wasn't enough, so she prattled on with intensity.
"-If I can't… you can take it out of my wages! I'll work whatever hours and I know that sounds nice to you because you're always here. I'll work hard and I'm-."
"Pepper, you're of age, correct?" He succeeded in cutting her off this time. When she nodded he continued. "You will do all those things, and you'll be nice to the customers. They like you and that pretty face of yours seems to be good for business. Don't mess up."
"What about renting a room for the summer? Could you take that out of my wages?" The battle was only half won, and her newly acquired fire was fueled by her determination.
When he laughed, Lily could hear the wheezing from all the way down in his lungs. "You won't be making near enough for that."
At his belittling laughter, Lily felt the unfamiliar fire spark into an inferno. Her glare struck him and if he'd given her a second longer, she was sure she would have exploded with indignation.
Tom must have had at least a little experience with angry young witches because he immediately replaced his ugly grin with a look of defeat.
He sighed running his hands over his bald head in a worried way. "I'll give you two nights after tonight, but you're cleaning up after yourself. In fact, you're cleaning up the whole floor as your payment."
"Excellent." She gave him a steady smile. "Know anywhere that rents flats for cheap?"
He grumbled walking away. Apparently that was something Lily was going to have to do on her own.
The next day was spent mirroring Tom until lunch and then heading out into Diagon Alley in search of a flat until dark.
There weren't many options to begin with so when Lily factored in her lack of funds it was nearly impossible. People weren't exactly tripping over themselves to rent to a seventeen year old Hogwarts' student who would only need a lease for two months either.
She'd walked up the entire alley so many times that the elderly witch selling charmed roses knew Lily by name.
As she passed a manky pet store for the third time she was once again amazed at the sheer noise it produced.
Kittens of all colors and sizes purred against each other in the left window display while a strange collection of birds, owls, and what appeared to be miniature eagles called out from the right.
It was the only pet store Lily knew of and she was surprised it was so run down.
The menagerie had a reputation for producing the most excellent pets, especially owls, but the old shabby two story building slanted severely to the left and looked ready to collapse.
Just above the red awning where green letters proudly proclaimed "Magical Menagerie" there were two small windows. Just hidden behind the first giant "a" was an ancient looking sign that read "FOR RENT."
Bursting into the store she darted the aisles until she came face to-well-chest with a very short man. He didn't look old, but she had learned when it came to wizards you could never really tell.
Lily was nearly bouncing with anticipation. "How much?"
His thin spectacles reminded her of James' so much that her palm itched and she edged it along her jeans in the now familiar way.
The man chuckled. He had a lot of experience with excited girls when they spotted a pink kitten they just had to have. "So what'll it be? A kitten or maybe a puffskein?"
Annoyed Lily shook her head. "The flat upstairs."
"The loft?" Looking disgruntled at the loss of a sale he brushed past her to the counter. "You don't want it."
"No! I want it very much. I have a job. I can pay." She pleaded.
"Well I would hope you didn't expect it to be free." He laughed. "Although, it practically rents for pocket change."
A frustrated sigh escaped her. "Excellent. I'll take it."
"Sure, you will now, but what about in a week when the noise is so bad you can't sleep? If you think this ruckus is unbearable then you should hear them at night when I'm not here to quiet them. Spells and charms won't help either." He gestured to the hundreds of cages that lined every wall fitting together like puzzle pieces. "Not to mention the place is a dump and I'm not keen on fixing it up. I've gone through enough tenants to know I'll be listening to complaining more than the money is worth. I would take the sign down, except I don't have the energy to dig through the dust up there anymore."
"As terrible as that sounds…" She nearly choked as she tried to force out her next words. "I don't have anywhere else to go."
Lily never imagined this would be her reality.
"I'm Mr. Price." She shook the hand he offered to her. "You don't look old enough to need a flat. Haven't runaway, I hope?"
"More like everyone else ran away from me." It was her intent that the statement come across as a joke, but no smile was bright enough to convince Mr. Price, or even Lily, of it. "I'm seventeen and you can call me Ms. Evans."
"Are you a woman of your word, Ms. Evans?"
"I'm a Gryffindor." To Lily this was the strongest supporting statement she could make.
A broad grin illuminated his clean shaven face. "So was my brother but it never stops him from borrowing gold he can't manage to pay back."
"Yes, but I'm a good Gryffindor." She mirrored his grin. "I'm a woman of my word."
"Very well then, return tomorrow with your things and we'll have a go. If you're interested, I'd be willing to cut the charge in half if you'd do the morning feedings for the animals. I've been procrastinating hiring help, but the hours are a pain."
She agreed stopping herself from kissing him right on the mouth in a fit of happiness. It was really a miracle she made it down the street before a victory squeal overtook her.
Somehow this reality that Lily had never imagined for herself became home.
Life became a familiar repetition.
When she finished training under Tom at the bar, he'd past the night shift to her. Working from seven pm to seven am wasn't nearly as terrible as she'd imagined and this way she avoided trying to sleep through the extreme of the noise at the menagerie.
It turned out that her first assessment of Tom being the lone worker was false. He had the assistance of a house elf, another bartender who worked sparingly, a maid, and a cook, who Lily had never actually seen but heard grumbling around in the back room. If someone ordered food her job was to write it out on the pad given to her and then let magic do the rest as the meal appeared in front of customer after a suitable about of time.
When she got off in the mornings she'd make her way home, often stopping to talk to shop owners as they unlocked their doors or vendors who offered pleasantries.
Feeding all of the animals was stressful, but it was hard not to think that the kittens were adorable or appreciate the beautiful charmed fish.
She'd taken a fancy to a miniature turtle. He was slightly bigger than a Galleon and his shell was the most astonishing emerald green. All the others had been sold, but as the runt he would get no bigger and people wouldn't buy him because they were nervous he would get lost or squished.
Lily had to admit both were very valid points. It didn't stop her from naming him Harvey (Mr. Price disapproved warning her about getting too attached) and being constantly charmed by his spirit.
Harvey was consistently alternating between diving into his slight pond of water and lounging under his magically simulated sun.
She had giggled for a week when she'd realized Harvey reminded her of Sirius.
It took about an hour to feed all the creatures and then she would stumble up the inside steps to her flat. There was another entrance off to the side of the building that Lily used as well but it was a tight squeeze.
She had learned to appreciate the space, but it was less of a flat and more like a decently sized room where she slept and washed. She could admit it wasn't much to look at with exposed bricks on every wall and squeaky wooden floor.
But somehow it was home.
The toilet and stained bath sat in the corner without a hint of privacy and there was only one sink on the opposite wall. Lily supposed it was the designated kitchen area even though it only consisted of the tall sink with a slab of counter distended on each side. There was no cupboard or wardrobe so she lived out of her school trunk.
The previous renter had left behind a mattress and after about a hundred cleaning spells and a heavy quilt, it was where Lily collapsed every day. She would settle into a deep slumber until it was time to dress and do it all again the next night.
In an odd way, Lily loved this reality.
It was separate from the rest of her life. In her other life she had an identity that she'd outgrown or maybe hadn't ever fit into at all, but either way she wasn't happy. Here she was Pepper or Ms. Evans. She could be whoever she wanted to be.
Soon it was July and she hadn't run into a single person she knew.
It probably had something to do with the fact she worked the night shift while all her peers passed through during the day. Plus her friends were much more likely to go to The Three Broomsticks or some other Hogsmeade haunt if- on the off chance- they needed a drink.
She wasn't avoiding them.
She just wouldn't know what to say and she certainly didn't want them pitying her. They didn't seem to be missing her anyways as she hadn't received a single letter from the lot.
"Pepper," The man she'd already been serving motioned her over at the beginning of her shift at The Leaky Cauldron. He couldn't have been older than mid-twenties which was relatively young to be a regular. "I'll take another."
She didn't know exactly how the nickname had become so widespread, but she was 'Pepper' now to all the customers of the pub.
She fixed him the same shot of firewhiskey straight that she had the first time. He threw back the shot a lot easier than Lily could.
She was getting better with wizard alcohol especially under Tom's "No Shot Left Untaken" rule which meant if someone buys you a drink then you drink it, but she couldn't stop the hacking cough or the unpleasant face yet.
It was a slow night and Lily's eyes crept back to the attractive stranger. He matched a lot of the patrons in the rough category, but it wasn't because his clothes were dirty or face unshaven.
It was a vibe.
The scar didn't help either.
Damaged skin ran from his temple all the down his defined jaw line, but Lily didn't think it subtracted from his looks at all. His dirty blonde hair was cut short in a convenient way that allowed him to run out of the house without glancing in a mirror and be positive he looked dashing.
"Pepper, if you keep staring at me like that I'm going to get the wrong idea."
She was more impressed that he'd caught her than embarrassed by her actions. "You're kind of young to be hanging around here."
"I could say the same for you." He fired back gesturing for Lily to get him another drink.
He had a point and she smiled at his quick words. "I haven't seen you around before."
"I could say the same for you." He repeated immediately adding a smirk. "I've been off fighting the good fight. What about you, Pepper? Can't say I've ever known Tom to hire help, especially not pretty redheads."
She liked the easy way he spoke. He didn't rush or mumble like most people so everything came out in a relaxed drawl. He was confidence personified.
"The good fight?" She quirked her eyebrow at him intrigued.
He chuckled. "That isn't how it works. I answered one of yours now you answer one of mine."
"I'm of age." She was proud to return his vague answer with one of her own. He had noted her youth and she had honestly supplied information that she was at least seventeen.
Raising his shot to her in mock salute before tossing it back she wondered how he wasn't drunk yet. She'd seen bigger wizards pass out from a lot less. "I'm an Auror. Your name isn't really Pepper, is it?"
"No." She couldn't help but to be impressed with his profession. Aurors were not just smart, quick, and talented. They were the smartest, the quickest, and the most talented. "He hired me because he said I was good for business."
"Being a very pretty redhead." He summarized showing her a toothy grin satisfied with her answers. "I don't think Pepper fits you at all and since you won't tell me your real name, what should I call you?"
"Whatever you want." She shrugged before adding an afterthought. "No flowers though."
"That's too bad. You look like a Daisy to me." He lied.
She wrinkled her nose unpleasantly. She would never be a 'Daisy' which was silly coming from a 'Lily.' "And what should I call you?"
"You really don't get this, do you?" The attractive man teased. "Why would I tell you mine, when you won't tell me yours?"
She couldn't help but to roll her eyes at him not caring how young it made her appear. The Auror was frustrating!
"Hey Johnny!" An idea bounced into her head as she walked down the bar to an old patron who was slumped over in his seat.
The white haired man was here more than Lily, and that was saying something since she worked twelve hours straight every night. He was constantly drunk, mumbling incoherent things and sometimes even speaking to Lily in some form of French, but she was sure that Johnny would recognize the Auror because they were both regulars.
At her call Johnny's head had snapped up from it dangling position. "Wha?"
"Do you know that man's name?" She tried to remember her warm smile as she pointed to the ruggedly handsome man. Not that there was anybody else sitting at the bar, but Johnny had been drinking since long before Lily started her shift.
"Of course!" Johnny tittered until he almost fell off his stool. "Why, that's my son Baker!"
Lily raised a questioning eyebrow at the Auror and he shrugged neither confirming nor denying.
Johnny continued on in an alcohol fueled daze now directing his attention fully to his 'son.' "You look good for having been dead forty years!"
Johnny's cheerful smile remained as his head wobbled before hitting the bar with a great thump.
Lily and the Auror waited a respectful pause after the old wizard began snoring before bursting into laughter. She realized how silly it had been to get information from a drunk.
He motioned for two more shots and pushed one towards Lily. "Here's to coming back from the dead!"
'No shot left untaken' ran through Lily's head as she cringed. The firewhiskey was like drinking a flame and she had all her patent reactions of distaste.
When he questioned her shivering response, she explained that she was muggleborn and preferred muggle liquors. She told him that regular whiskey was her favorite because it reminded her of her father who enjoyed the beverage on special occasions.
"I'm half." He referred to his blood. "Can't say I've ever tasted it though. From what I've heard it's not nearly as strong as wizard stuff."
"Why in such a hurry to get drunk, Baker?" She tried out the nickname. She'd never given one before so she hoped it sounded natural.
He smiled in approval. "I spend half the year on some mission or other wishing to be home with my family and the other half sitting in this bar drinking to avoid them. The quicker the drunk comes the easier it is to forget what a bunch of tossers they really are."
"So why do you miss them when your away?"
He thought about it a moment before answering. "I suppose it's easier to see all the things I have to when I have this idea of my mum and dad waiting on me ready to exclaim about what a hero I am."
"Do they?" She was curious about the mysterious life of an Auror. She'd never stopped to think about what it would be like for their families. "Are you a hero, Baker?"
His eyes finally glazed over a little after the last shot and she was proud to recognize the first sign of intoxication. It just came with being a barmaid, she supposed.
"Can you keep a secret, Whiskey?" He leaned across the bar and she mirrored his position coming close to his handsome face. She thought the firewhiskey would make him smell sour, but she was happily surprised when he smelled of warmth.
She nodded thinking he had very nice muted green eyes.
"I only became an Auror because I wanted to do the right thing." His face was serious and she couldn't have moved even if she wanted to as she was drawn into his eyes that had seen so much terror and hate. "But I'm not a very good one. I've done my fare share of heroics, but in the end I don't have what it takes."
"What does it take?" She desperately needed to know. Being an Auror was something Lily thought she could do.
She always wanted to do the right thing too. The war was out there now and even though it wasn't close to home and most people were unaffected, the mysterious dark wizard was gaining power. If she was an Auror then she could help.
"They only accept the smartest and the most talented. They put you through hell making sure you can handle the pressure. You have to be in the best shape of your life and your wand hand better be sharp or you're dead." He didn't seem to be looking at her anymore, but instead through her. "I was all of those things."
Lily noticed him glancing at his empty shot glass so she poured him another waiting for him to explain.
"The problem is that even though they want the smartest, they expect you to quit thinking at all after a while. They order and you follow. There are no questions and certainly no answers. I wanted to fight in a war… not cover one up."
He must have been drunker than she thought to be telling her all this.
If blind allegiance was what it took then she didn't have it either. She would do whatever it took to protect the people she loved, but she'd never be able to do it unquestioningly.
Lily related ignorance to hate, so it was strange to hear that the people protecting them used ignorance as a tool.
She desperately wanted to join in the fight though. After all, she was the one who was being called dirty and unnatural, but she couldn't fight that way.
Blindly following the Ministry was just as bad a blindly following he-who-must-not-be-named.
Lily and the wizard she called Baker continued a casual conversation and she was thankful it was still easy to talk to him after his confession.
His words had woven themselves into her thoughts.
She was still thinking about what he said as she made her way home, long after Baker had left The Leaky Cauldron.
The morning sun felt fresh and the air smelled like dew as she slowly made her way back to Magical Menagerie. Even though it was early a few people were already scattered around window shopping or stopping for coffee at the café.
These people were happy.
A few men from Diagon Alley had given her a new life and even though her flat was dirty, her hours were terrible, and she spent most of her time making friends with old drunk men, it was all hers.
She'd done it alone and it was the most satisfying thing she'd ever accomplished.
She wasn't changing herself for anyone. These were the first people who hadn't asked her to.
She had all the tools to fight for them. She was smart and quick and talented. She was going to do something even if being an Auror was off the table. She had to!
She just had to figure out what...
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Disclaimer for the entire story thus far: I don't own anything. It was all created by the genius of JK Rowling. I'm not making any money off this story.
Author's Note:
As you can tell, Lily has a long journey ahead of her. Don't expect an easy solution. She's 17 and I think we all make our fair share of mistakes in the name of self discovery along the way.
I know that original characters can be frustrating and you're probably beating your keyboard for the Marauders, or even Snape (that is if your even still reading)… but Lily needs time away from the characters that have trapped her into their ideal of her, so she can discover who she is.
I promise that the summer is only three chapters long and in every one we are treated to some of cannon characters.
Thank you so much to my reviewers! I love all of your feedback and even though I'm a good deal ahead with the writing, your opinions allow me to change and alter things to better my story. Everyone who is brave enough to submit a story knows just how scary it can be to put yourself out there for criticism and at the same time exhilarating to receive positive affirmation.
Since I missed my question last chapter, I'll post two…
Who is your favorite band at the moment?
What's the first book you ever read that truly inspired you?
My answer to my favorite Harry Potter book is Goblet of Fire. It was the first one I read (I know, how terrible? I didn't read them in order!) and it's the one I reread the most. Although I think the 7th is something of legend and finished the series more remarkably than I ever could have imagined!