Well it was going to be two parts but i got to a part and wanted it to be the end of the chapter for my foray into SPN with the Guilty!Sam, awesome!brotherstuff and awesome!Bobby, oh and i Don't own anything unfortunately ...damn it if i did Jensen wouldn't have a permanent sad face in the season i'm watching right now.

Also massive, huge thanks to Callisto-HK for kicking my butt to get this part written, my ever faithful Beta for SPN and CF, you are truly awesome even with your very busy schedule :)

Suffering Silence

Part 2

Dean awoke to silence, no shuffling of feet, not clanking of bottles, no rustling of papers or pages in books being turned.

This kind of silence was unnatural, the kind that infested places where animals feared to tread, the kind that you wouldn't usually walk willingly towards unless you were a Winchester or at least a hunter.

Bleery eyes roamed the room, there was no lights on, nothing to signify that anyone was here and there was something horribly wrong with that.

When the memory of black infected eyes rolled through his brain like a steam train towards a horrific accident; Sam. Panicked, Dean rose to his feet quicker than he should and almost landed right back on his ass; thanks to the tilt-a-whirl trip his pounding head had sent him on.

None of this was right, when he'd been here before he could usually at least hear Bobby moving around the thin walled old house without a second thought.

It was just still, silent and suspiciously supernatural.

When his vision had finally cleared he honestly wished it hadn't, the bile raced up his throat so fast that he didn't even have time to clear his own shoes out of the firing range. He choked on what he hoped were his insides, as he didn't deserve to live if what he saw in front of him was true.

It answered the questions of why it was so silent, it was the silence of death, of not being good enough, of not saving...

And it tore away his bleeding heart, he crawled over towards them, through blood and flesh, having finished coughing up his guts and was faced with the gore, the hopelessness, the cost of being a hunter, of being or even being related to a Winchester; the price was too high.

Bobby's eyes stared right on through him, but there was no light, no life there, just the stillness, like the silence. He'd come to Bobby, he'd brought this down on him, the weight of the guilt was crushing, he'd only been trying to help Sammy, and Bobby had said time and again that he would do anything for them, but this...this price was far too high.

He supposed that this might be some horrid joke, as most people wouldn't recognise the body in front of him as Bobby Singer, not with the way most of his flesh had been ripped off and left for him to crawl through but Dean knew by the eyes and the jagged message in the one patch of skin that was left on his surrogate father's abdomen.

'Told you so!'

It was taunting him, letting him know that he was useless and had failed, and left him unable to breathe with the hopelessness crushing him further into despair.

His eyes were blurred by more than the exhaustion and pain running rampant through his body unchecked, turning away from Bobby felt like the worst betrayal in the world but he couldn't look any longer at his failure.

But when he turned around, his heart buckled under the weight of the horror and the world ended, agony rose up his chest and out the only way he knew

He screamed out, a harsh, dry and broken sound, paralysed by the horror in front of him. He screamed again, a name on his bloody, cracked lips.

"SAMMM!"

But it was all lost to the dead and dark silence of this house that had once been their home.

X-SPN-X

"SAMMM!"

Sam jumped at the raw sound of his brothers voice, he didn't think that he'd ever hear his brother sound like that in his life and it honestly scared him.

He wanted to approach his brother to settle him but Bobby had glared, telling him with one look to stay back for now. He could feel his frustrations rise; he hadn't been told much of anything about what had happened since he'd suddenly woken up in bobby's house to a very pale and beaten looking Dean punching him in the face, then collapsing next to him.

It was all kinda fuzzy and not being told anything wasn't helping not at all.

A crashing sound erupted from the room next door and before Sam knew it Dean was grasping both his arms and looking into what felt like his soul, almost searching to see if it really was him or if he was really there, Sam couldn't tell which.

"Sammy?" Dean voice was hoarse and held an underlying fear that Sam hated to see in his bother, he could see that Dean was also pale, glassy eyed and Sam could feel him shaking.

"Dean you need to..." But Sam was cut off by Dean gripping harder.

"Sammy?" It was like Dean was stuck in some memory that he couldn't shake; Sam could see Bobby watching in the background, seemingly not wanting to interrupt but close by in case something did happen.

"It's okay, Dean, it's me." He knew his voice was shaking but he was just as confused as Dean seemed to be, he looked toward Bobby, searching for his help but he just shrugged.

Obviously he thought this was something Sam needed to fix.

Dean seemed to be weighing up his answer and piercing his soul at the same time, it made him uncomfortable but he stood there all the same, waiting for Dean to realise that it really was him.

It took long agonising minutes but the moment that relief flooded into Dean's eyes, Sam smiled, hoping to further confirm that it was really him. Before he could do anything, Dean had tightly wrapped his arms around Sam, apparently not wanting to let go either.

Confusion and concern started to mingle in with the frustration that was festering, he had no idea what had happened but it was obvious in how Dean and Bobby was acting that it had something to do with him.

"You okay?"Dean's question, while not unexpected, felt like a punch to the gut. How could Dean even be thinking about how Sam was when he was in this state, it frustrated him that Dean felt so responsible for him, it felt like control but he knew Dean didn't know any other way to be and that had been down to their father, so really he couldn't blame him but that didn't stop him from getting annoyed at his brother for it sometimes.

"I'm fine Dean, you should just look after yourself for a while." Sam sighed, he was tired sure but Dean needed to look out for more than just him, he needed to look after himself as well.

But then a few things happened all at once and it left him feeling like the worst person in the world. Like he'd stuck a dagger into his brother's heart and twisted until there was nothing left.

He heard Bobby gasp and saw him heading over to them.

Dean's arms fell away from him as Dean stepped back.

The warmth he'd felt from his brother disappeared in a flash, leaving him almost frozen to the core, as if a ghost had entered the room.

The worst however, was that Dean's currently fever ravaged, but normally soulful green eyes shutdown right in front of him before they looked straight on through him like he wasn't even there.

But then there was the silence as well, it was suffering and suffocating.

Bobby had stopped moving, Dean was still as stone, it was almost as if waiting for the storm, waiting to see if everything went to hell, waiting for a rocket to go off.

It didn't though.

Dean just simply limped away, no anger, no hurt, nothing up for display about his emotional state.

Just the physical that could be seen because he was too tired to hide it, though not a sound was made. Never show weakness.

It was then that Sam realised what had happened.

In his brother's fevered state, what he had said had been misunderstood as;

I don't need looking after, you need to look after yourself...or as Dean thought about it; I don't need you, you're on your own.

The tears welling in Sam's eyes weren't surprising, what was surprising however was the last thing Dean said before he left the room.

"Dean, I..." He wasn't sure what to say now he'd started, he tried to get Dean to look at him

But Dean was so tired of this, he kept his eyes diverted away.

"Just keep in contact this time, so I know your okay, please." His voice calmed and resigned, so unlike Dean Winchester that it was both enraging and breaking Bobby's heart to hear it.

Sam was in shock, he could barely breath, that Dean would think that he was going to leave him, it was just...

But then, if he thought about it.

He was the one that was always walking away from his brother.

Like what they were doing didn't matter.

Like it wasn't important.

So how was he going to convince his brother of it when he'd never proven it.

TBC