Love and Other Tragedies
Previously: Lily broke up with Sirius. Baker (Lily's summer best friend) left on an Auror mission. Lily has collected two pets: a kitten named Snitch and a turtle called Harvey. Lily's ex dorm mates, Kat and Evie, are acting strangely, but Lily's too irritated to care. Honor Simmons began poaching the vacancy left by Lily in her old life.
Chapter Six
Hate
Dear Ms. Evans,
This little turtle has sat in my shop for far too long. Harvey, I believe you call him, belongs with you. Please accept this gift as a small token of appreciation for your work at Magical Menagerie this summer. As well as working alongside Mr. Eeylops. To be honest, I find him rather odd.
Have a wonderful year,
Mr. Price
Owner of Magical Menagerie
Diagon Alley
Lily finally got around to reading the letter that arrived with Harvey after the long and exhausting first day of classes.
To start the horrible day she had to deal with the "bathroom" situation.
And by 'bathroom situation' she meant the fact that apparently along with sharing a desk and living area with James Potter, she was also sharing the loo.
Lily and James' rooms were mirrors of each other on either side of the courtyard. The lavatory made up the back wall while they each had a door on opposite sides of the room.
The luxurious lavatory was meticulously symmetrical. The two separate sinks were connected by one long counter top and backed by a cheeky mirror that had already commented about Lily's wrinkled uniform twice. There were also two shower stalls separated by a tub that was equivalent in size to the one in the Prefects bathroom with matching tabs as well.
Modesty or rather the lack there of, had never been an issue for Lily. She was forgetful of clothing most of the time and also of other people's mindset about the issue.
Her previous dorm mates had eventually grown accustomed to Lily bouncing about the room in her knickers, and even Baker had quickly learned that she had no qualms about her body as he'd witnessed her change clothes right in front of him on several occasions.
The shower stalls were heavily fogged with the intention of preventing anything being viewed beyond them except general size and movement of their occupant, but it was still rather strange knowing that the Quidditch Captain was similarly nude in the very same room.
She was only further flustered by James' seemingly relaxed nature about the whole ordeal.
The boy that had always stared at her didn't seem to even notice her anymore. He didn't even peak.
As for the rest of the day, Lily was beginning to think the position of Head Girl was actually a glorified nanny.
She had long imagined shaping young minds and protecting the school, but the only thing she was shaping were students deformed by stray magic and as for protecting, she supposed teaching first years about proper hygiene would have qualify.
"Tonight's really not good, Lovely. We're up to our ears with this Potions' essay." Kat had told Lily when she asked them to come see her dorm. Lily was up to her ears in eleven year olds and all she wanted was to have a mature conversation.
The first week of term was filled with similar encounters with ex dorm mates and the Marauders.
She had to practically trap Evie in the library one night for school work. The blonde girl had been vague scribbling into a letter for their entire study session.
She couldn't even count on James for a bit of proper interaction because he was even busier than she was with pulling together a Quidditch team that had lost a Keeper and a Beater on top of his Head Boy duties.
She was starving just to speak and be heard.
One night of not rushing all over herself to please them and it seemed they resorted to just avoiding her altogether.
Could her happiness really be so unforgivable?
The first Prefect meeting of the term was scheduled for the middle of September. With nothing else to occupy her she took the pains of making the living area presentable.
Snitch, continuing to be the little terror he was, had ripped up one of the couch pillows and feathers blanketed most of the furniture. After she was done she managed to wrangle the kitten into James' room and trap him so he couldn't damage any of the Prefects.
Honor, who acted as the seventh year Ravenclaw Prefect, was the first to arrive with her counterpart Callum Palmer.
Callum was without a doubt in the running for most attractive bloke at Hogwarts with his light skin and dark curly hair, but he didn't date many girls like the other popular boys. She supposed that had something to do with his quiet demeanor.
Lily had no idea how Callum and Honor had worked together as a couple when they dated back in fifth year.
"Have you heard from Ba- I mean Harland since he left?" She asked as a way of small talk to her guests.
Honor was distracted by her investigation of the Head Suite and merely shrugged at the question.
"You know Honor's brother?" Callum raised an eyebrow at Lily.
She didn't think she had ever heard him speak and it was a shame because Callum had an exquisite accent. It sounded like watered down Scottish.
"We met over the summer when I was working at The Leaky Cauldron." It was nice to actually get to reference something about herself and the lack of practice made her stare hopefully at Callum ready for him to quickly change the subject.
To her delight, it was quite the opposite. He asked questions and was genuinely interested in her summer.
Lily was so caught up in discussing The Broom Closet that she didn't notice that most of the other Prefects had arrived, including the chubby blonde girl from the train she remembered.
The girl perched herself on the couch so close to the Head Girl that their thighs were touching. Lily jumped at the sudden invasion.
"I'm Astrid." Her face was bright and eyes wide.
Lily was just happy the girl hadn't dyed her hair red or taken to wearing wrinkled uniforms that echoed the Head Girl's.
"I guess we should get the meeting started." Lily addressed the entire room trying to project her voice with authority like Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall managed to do so elegantly.
James still hadn't arrived, but she refused to sway from the original schedule.
She started the meeting by explaining the change of venue from the usual Prefects' Room to the Head Suite.
The previous Prefects' Room had simply disappeared. When the Head Suites had moved, they appeared with the Prefects' table inside. What Hogwarts wants, it gets.
Lily had everyone introduce themselves, next.
Her possible stalker, Astrid Wilkinson, was the new Prefect from Gryffindor, but other than her Lily would never remember all their names. She knew all of the old Prefects and they seemed to accept her easily into the new position.
James' arrival interrupted this portion of the meeting and along with him came the two missing Gryffindor sixth year Prefects.
Sweat slicked their hair and their cheeks were chapped. James and Amelia King looked disgruntled and tired, while Christos Savales- Gryffindor's returning Chaser- retained his natural aloof attitude strolling in and they all took available seats.
With a deep irritated breath, she began again trying to control her temper. It was important to present a united front.
But he was Head Boy for Merlin's Sake! He should learn a little punctuality.
At the end of her speech she sat back into her bookend chair with an accomplished smile and for the first time allowed a miniscule amount of pride in her selection as Head Girl.
And then the questions began.
"When would Hogsmeade weekends be?"
"Would any new security measures be implemented?"
"Were they instating any new rules for the term?"
"What would the patrolling schedules be?"
On and on, James and Lily were forced to shrug helplessly at all the things they hadn't even thought to discuss.
Being Head Girl was exhausting, and apparently she hadn't even being doing a good job of it.
On either end of the table, she and James became mirror images of distraught panic. It felt like failing at something they hadn't even began.
Without answers, the Prefects were dismissed leaving the older students to share looks of disappointment and only the new additions hung back to socialize without a real concept of what the meetings were supposed to accomplish.
"He is adorable, Amarina!" The little stalker, Astrid, said to one of her fellow new Prefects.
They were passing a photo of baby between them. "He was born only born on the 11th, but I can't wait until he's calling me auntie!"
"I'm sure he'll be breaking hearts at Hogwarts in no time at all. What did you say his name was?"
"Cedric." Amarina told her smiling at the photo of the wiggling baby. "Cedric Diggory… It has a nice ring to it, I think."
When the stragglers finally filed out, Lily turned on her partner with vengeance in her eyes. She was tired, irritated, and -unfortunately for James- he was the only one around to take the blunt of it.
"Could you at least have the decency to show up on time?" She snapped at him.
His eyes rolled as he ignored her and headed into his room with little concern for her temper tantrum. She followed him ready for a fight.
At this point even an argument was a suitable form of interaction and she certainly wouldn't have to force anger.
"Quidditch try-outs ran late." He didn't sound one bit apologetic about it either. That explained the sweat on the shirt he was pulling over his head.
She spun around quickly not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her distracted by his nudity.
She tried to focus on his bookshelf that was an exact replica of her own. "What do you propose we do about our Head duties?"
She turned back to him at the sound of the bed shifting and he was safely clothed against.
He had pulled on a blue shirt and comfortable pants that hung down his legs as he settled on above the coverlet. With a gentle pull he detached Snitch from his spot on the pillow and into James' lap.
She sunk her fingernails into her palm to cease the itch as well as suppress any spasms that might flip her stomach.
"I'm exhausted and I've been dealing with worthless Quidditch players all the afternoon. I'm not doing anything about it tonight." He told her calmly. Snitch purred with content as James found the perfect spot behind the kitten's ears.
"That's the problem, Potter. We are both tired, but if we had been figuring all of this out before then we wouldn't be having this problem." She wished she could act as unaffected as he did about everything, but she knew he could hear how flustered she was in her voice.
He sighed. "Fine, but I'm not moving."
With a gleeful clap of victory she ran to get a quill and parchment before joining him on his bed. Sitting with crossed legs face to face, they poured over her parchment for hours.
Her head was fuzzy and heart racing when she shot out of bed the next morning. Through her window she could see the sun hanging low in the sky and rushed to the shower pulling off her clothes as she went.
She couldn't be late for class!
Stumbling over her own feet, she was just dropping her knickers to the floor when she entered the shower stall as quickly as she could go.
The only problem was that James Potter was already occupying it and he was equally as naked as she was at the moment.
….
She couldn't speak.
She couldn't move.
All she could do was stare with wide shocked eyes that he mirrored.
His tanned skin glistened under rivets of water that slicked every inch she could see. Every minute of Quidditch dedication was proudly displayed with every defined muscle on his body, and there were a lot to look at.
As a girl who had spent a great deal of time thinking about how much she detested his messy hair, it was ironic that at the moment she could think of nothing but pushing her body against his and yanking his mouth hers by the very same locks.
She needed to taste the lips that had once rested against her palm. She wanted him so badly she couldn't think straight.
"Why are you in my shower?" She should have sounded irritated or panicked. Instead the words slid out like honey; thick and smooth.
With glazed eyes he shook his head with an absently distracted jerk. "Isn't this my shower?"
The fog of the morning panic began to clear.
She had fallen asleep in James' bed the night before. Which meant- "Bloody hell, this is your shower."
Thank Merlin her feet would finally move and she used the recovered ability to carry her backwards, tripping over her discarded clothes as she fled.
Refusing to think about the incident for the rest of the morning, she also did her best to avoid James for rest of the day.
She was no stranger to lust. The way she and Sirius had carried on had been intense, and it had seemed impossible that there could be anything more potent than the want she'd felt for him.
Yet, somehow the Head Boy made her lust for Sirius feel like an adolescent crush.
"Lovely, last time I saw that blush on your face, you and Sirius just had a go." Kat told her in a discreet whisper.
Lily's last class of the day, Defence Against the Dark Arts, was the only class that all of her friends still attended.
All Lily had wanted was for Kat to take an interest in something further than basic pleasantries, so it figured that when her friend finally did it was the one thing Lily didn't want to talk about. "It's just hot in here. I'm flushed."
Kat didn't look convinced but Professor Crouch began her lesson and silenced Kat.
The newest member of Hogwarts staff was Alledora Crouch and she was the seventh D.A.D.A. professor that had taught at the school in as many years. Like most wizards, it was impossible to pin an age to the plain woman, but she neither looked old nor young.
It might have been the fact that every professor of the subject thus far had turned out to be anything but trustworthy, but Lily had serious reservations about the woman.
"Professor Slughorn, how do you feel about the new professor?" She asked older wizard during their extra lesson for the week.
They had a standing arrangement since fourth year for Lily to assist the professor with his personal potions making. Despite his assurances of purely academic intentions, Lily was well aware certain brews would be worth a fortune on more shady venues.
She wasn't so interested in the why as she was experience she was gaining. The potions she made with Slughorn were far beyond those allowed in average classes and she never received lower than an O on any assignment. It was a fair trade.
"Professor Crouch?" His large distended belly rustled against the work area while he poured a creamy substance into the potion they were working on. "The Crouch's are a very old wizard family, indeed."
Of course Slughorn would relate her question to social standing in the wizarding world. She took what she could get though. "Purebloods?"
The truth was Lily knew little to nothing about the wizarding world outside of Hogwarts and that included the pureblood families that she'd heard in some cases considered themselves close to royalty.
He chuckled at her question. "I'd say as close as anyone these days."
There was no such thing as having a wizard for every member of every generation in any family.
She really didn't understand why so many wizards were tripping over themselves to claim to be "pure" when it meant your parents were probably cousins and your grandparents' siblings. It might have been her muggle upbringing showing, but the whole thing really grossed her out.
"…it's very important." Lily caught the last piece of what Slughorn had been saying. She'd been distracted by pureblood ponderings.
"Let me write it down." She grasped an excuse for him repeat what had been so important not wanting to admit her inattentiveness.
She hadn't fooled him though and he chuckled at her abashed behavior.
"The gillyweed needs to be naturally dehydrated in sunlight until the tips are all a purple color." The glass container he slid before her was filled with a tangle of slimy green weeds. She pitied anyone who ever had the misfortune of swallowing the plant. "It is necessary to observe the process because every gillyweed plant is different. I would suggest starting in the morning just to be on the safe side."
Well, she had found her plans for Saturday. She had a hot date with a slimy green plant.
Friday she had a free period before History of Magic, and she spent it in the Gryffindor Common Room.
McGonagall encouraged them to visit their old living area frequently and Lily had been neglecting the request. Sitting in her favorite armchair by the unlit fire she worked on the Head duties that had been delegated specifically to her.
This included finalizing the Quidditch match dates. She was just putting the finishing touches on the Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff game, when she heard familiar voices.
Kat and Remus were alone and Lily paused, curious as to what was obviously building between the two.
She watched their gentle shy interactions and certainly would have teased Kat about her uncharacteristic behavior if they had been on better terms. As the two walked they didn't retain contact, but kept their hands close enough to brush against each others at random.
When they finally reached their destination across the silent Common Room, she couldn't see them from her vantage point, but their voices carried and Lily heard even though she tried not to listen.
"You're taking the mickey!" Lily overheard Kat say with shocked exclamation.
Lily couldn't see Remus' face, but she would bet that he was blushing from the stammer that stunted his words. "I-It's not that big of a deal."
"The only girl you've ever had feelings for was your best mate's girl!" Kat stated incredulously. "That's a big deal! Does she know?"
"Merlin, no." Remus answered with a gush of relief. He was telling the truth, Lily had no idea. Well, until now. "Sirius doesn't even know. The bloke's so ripped up about their split we can't even say her name, so I don't think it'd go over splendidly to announce that once upon a time I'd fancied Lily."
They spoke softly, and she couldn't hear them for a moment.
"Besides, I didn't say she was the only girl I'd ever had feelings for." Remus corrected her at a volume Lily could hear. "I said she was the only girl I had feelings before this year."
If the situation wasn't so surreal, Lily's heart would have warmed at Remus' obvious admission.
He liked Kat.
Earlier in the summer she had realized its' early development when Remus had mentioned their friendship spilling out of Hogwarts and into the break. She hadn't liked the idea.
It was impossible to explain why she felt such ownership over the Marauders.
She didn't have a nifty nickname nor participate in their pranks. She wasn't even invited into their secrets, much less participate.
It was just a feeling, like a puzzle piece sliding into its spot. Lily had never felt anything more right. When she was little she had thought it was what being in love would feel like, as if you had never been more certain of anything in your life. You just knew.
Could this be her curse? To have the ability to love so hard and so unconditionally, but never have it returned.
The blooming love interests were distracted and she slipped out of the common room unnoticed.
History of Magic was with the Ravenclaws and she forwent her usual seat with the Marauders' odd man out, taking one beside Callum Palmer.
He acknowledged her with a smile discreetly shoving a letter into his bag. She caught sight of an elegant symbol in the corner and imagined he had a secret lover or something racy along those lines.
It could be possible. She didn't really know anything about Callum except he was a Prefect and Quidditch Captain of the Ravenclaw team.
She tried not to hold his brief fling with Honor Simmons against him.
"You should settle the bets." Callum's smile was crooked and she was pleasantly charmed by the imperfection. "What's the row about?"
She replied with a quizzical look.
"Everyone's noticed. We've even got a pool in Ravenclaw about what caused the great rift of Lily Evans and the Marauders." He joked.
She didn't feel offended. If anything the immaturity was kind of comforting like at least they could still just seventeen in some regards. "So what did you waste your gold on then?"
Playing along he exaggerated thinking over her question. "I would never lower myself to such petulance…..but if I had to guess I would put a Galleon on the fact that you finally realized that Black is a berk and you could do better."
Trying to contain her bark of laughter was unsuccessful and she drew the attention of all three Marauders that took the class. "I hope you didn't need that Galleon. Sorry to disappoint but I always knew Sirius was an ass. Honestly, it's half his charm."
"Damn." He cursed with a cheeky grin. "I don't know what I'm more upset about; the fact that Black is open about his smarmy personality and still lands the most eligible girl at Hogwarts or the fact that I've lost my gold for a Hogsmeade weekend."
Professor Binns floated through the wall and without hesitation began their lesson which forced Lily to whisper her reply. "I guess I owe you a Hogsmeade weekend then."
She was positive that she liked Callum Palmer as he blushed to the roots of his curly dark hair.
Fueled by her positive encounter with Callum she headed to the Great Hall at dinner time.
She had considered skipping the meal, but hunger won out in the end. Missing meals had become a more serious habit than she wanted to admit and her uniform was beginning to hang off her already slim figure.
Thankfully, the only two of Lily's friends present were Peter and Evie. Their blonde heads were side by side and she took a seat across from them.
If there was something you didn't want to talk about then Evie or Peter would be the perfect people to spend time with. They were both much happier to smile obliviously than cause any type of confrontation.
For the first half of dinner it worked out marvelously and then Sirius and James showed up. It was then Lily realized the fault with Peter and Evie's avoidance of confrontation. When conflict was unavoidable they scampered.
After their swift exit, Lily was left to face not only her ex boyfriend, who most definitely was holding a grudge, but also the boy who she'd recently seen starkers and couldn't stop fantasizing about.
As was routine, the boys' cheeks were reddened from the wind and practice uniforms dirty from a hard session of Quidditch. The thin, yet resilient, fabric of the uniforms stretched attractively across their lean frames and Lily cursed her attraction to boys in uniforms, especially Quidditch uniforms.
It was a weakness that Sirius knew all too well as he stretched his arms above his head giving her a perfect view of his smooth abdomen. They both caught her looking.
"You look awful." Her ex-boyfriend told her with a cheeky smile. Every interaction since their break up had gone along the lines of teasing bordering on bitterness. "Haven't been working too hard, I hope."
James cut off her snarky reply. "Sorry about that, Lily. I didn't mean to wear you out last night."
If she had been taking a sip of pumpkin juice, she would have spit it all over the table.
As it happened, the inclination of James' words was enough to halt any movement from Lily or Sirius as they stared at him. It might have been the most that James had ever spoken to her in Sirius' presence and it was a hell of way to start.
After a healthy moment of their silence James continued innocently. "Finalizing the schedules took longer than we expected."
Even after the clarification, Sirius seemed unsettled by their implied interaction.
It was as if it had never occurred to him that James and Lily would be spending time alone as Head Boy and Girl. He looked uncomfortable. "I suppose we should all be happy that you two are getting on so well- no bloodshed yet."
"It's still early in the term." She said smiling at James to let him know she was teasing. "If Snitch had his way I would move out of the Head Dorms all together and leave them to their love affair."
"Don't get down on Snitch. He's a sight better than that blasted midget turtle you coo over." James defended the cat loyally. "And I don't see you complaining when he curls up in your bed when I've irritated him."
"He keeps my feet warm." Her eyes shot down to her half eaten plate as she replied abashed. She didn't realize James knew about her secret cuddling sessions with Snitch. "And don't bash, Harvey. He's wonderful."
James scoffed at her while Sirius interjected. "I have to agree with Lily. The cat is a menace."
Sirius was visibly unhappy to be siding with her as he wrinkled his nose at either the thought of the cat or his ex girlfriend.
"It's not Snitch's fault. The two of you are natural enemies." James continued on his tirade in honor of the golden kitten.
Sirius was about to rebuff when Lily cut him off. "What does that mean? Why would Sirius be Snitch's natural enemy?"
As quickly as that, her question had put the Marauders on the same side again. They looked at one another uncomfortable. Apparently this was one of the things she wasn't supposed to wonder about.
"Evening, Potter." It was Piper Prescott who saved the Marauders from lying to her. The attractive girl greeted them formally. "Evans."
"A pleasure to see you too, Prescott." Sirius interjected when she didn't extend him an acknowledgment.
Piper glanced at Sirius for the first time. She wasn't being intentionally rude. It appeared she honestly hadn't noticed him. "Hello, Black. I needed a word with the Head Boy and Girl."
Obliviously, Sirius continued to shove a piece of chicken in his mouth making no acknowledgement of her blatant dismissal. Eventually, Piper accepted this, but she waited longer than anyone else would have, staring expectantly at the dark hared boy with her back straight and shoulders back. She was the picture of excellent posture.
Brushing the seat off before she sat beside Lily, Piper looked as composed as ever. Her prim and proper behavior might have caught Lily off guard if she hadn't had Prefect meetings with her all last year.
The golden haired Hufflepuff had first come to Lily's attention during second year when Evie had developed some sort of obsession with the girl's long straight hair.
Her hair obsessed dorm mate had become convinced that the first year was in possession of a perfect hair potion that allowed for Piper's hair to look exactly perfect at all times.
In the end they'd discovered that while it was true that the younger girl's hair was shiny, full, and straight down to the last lock, apparently it was simply the result of good genes and without the assistance of magic. Unfortunately this wasn't discovered until after Piper sought the assistance of Professor McGonagall to report suspected stalkers from the Gryffindor House.
After the embarrassing episode, Piper had avoided the Gryffindor muggleborns like the plague…or like stalkers. Piper let the situation go easily and never brought it up again. It wasn't just her stalkers that she avoided; Piper didn't go out of her way to socialize with anybody… well, except Hester Sprout, her best mate.
"Have you decided the Hogsmeade weekend schedule?" Direct as always, Piper spoke. As the sixth year Hufflepuff Prefect, she had been there to witness their less than impressive display of Head authority. "After the last meeting, I assumed you would start acting more appropriately in respect to organization."
It amazed Lily that as rude as the words were, she somehow managed to pull them off with no air of ill will whatsoever. Her cute slightly sloping nose and perky cheeks never wavered from their calm expectant expression.
"The first weekend in October." James pleasantly informed the blunt girl of the date they had decided for the first Hogsmeade weekend. He didn't seem at all perturb by her abrupt attitude. "We'll post the rest at the next Prefect Meeting."
She gave them a curt nod and left swiftly.
"There's something really refreshing about her." Sirius noted when she was out of hearing distance.
"You're joking, right?" Lily was disturbed when she realized Sirius' voice held no humor.
He shrugged and returned to glaring at her. It was his go-to expression when it came to her lately. "You would never have to worry what Piper Prescott was secretly not saying. As of late I've developed a new appreciation for honesty."
"Well sure, but as honest as she is she would have no choice but to inform you of what an immature toerag you really are." She snapped at him, her eyes narrowed. If he wanted to push her then she would push him back.
Shock wasn't a reaction when dealing with her behavior anymore. He silently boiled while finishing his meal and then exited the Great Hall with no more words exchanged between them. She was perfectly happy with this arrangement until she realized it left her and James alone.
She really should have thought out her brash reaction. She was having a very difficult time looking at his face after she'd seen his- well… other parts.
"I think Piper Prescott is interesting too." He said smirking at her easy temper. "Are you going to go off on me as well?"
"Not unless you are disguising you bitterness towards me through comments about Piper Prescott." She shot back. "I don't have a problem with her anyways. But I certainly wouldn't label her as refreshing."
He let the subject die there. When they'd finished their meals they walked back to the Head Dorms together.
Lily forgot to be awkward.
It was hard to feel anything, but the overwhelming need to touch him. Something as silly as his tanned forearm peeking out from his short sleeved uniform almost made her grab him.
She didn't know what she wanted to do when she had him, but she was positive that just touching him would relieve some of her tension.
James was as unaffected as always.
How could she be drowning with thoughts of him while he worried about nothing more than the Charms essay due?
"Now, Evans," He began just before they separated into their rooms. "I'll be taking my shower early, so if you want to catch the show again you'll have to be up around sunrise."
"You don't have to worry about me being up anytime near sunrise, Potter. You can have your shower in peace." She told him not able to completely squish her embarrassment.
"Your sleeping habits really are atrocious." He noted. "I hear you about at all times of the night. If I didn't know any better I would say you were up to a bit of mischief."
She shook her head. It took her by surprise that he noticed her unsettling sleeping patterns. "After this summer I think my body is more accustomed to staying awake at night."
"It wouldn't have anything to do with you worrying, would it?" He suggested nonchalantly.
"And what would I have to worry about?" She played dumb, curious as always by his ability to see through her.
"That bloke, Harland- or Baker- whatever his name is." His eyes narrowed casually as he studied her. "It's like clockwork. The Daily Prophet arrives; you and Simmons go right to the list of Auror casualties."
Lily had never seen him watching her at breakfast, not one time. She hadn't ever noticed Honor looking for news about her brother either though. For a girl who prided herself on being notoriously observant, she was really slacking.
"You're right." She resisted adding that of course he was right. He was always bloody right. "But it's not just Baker. It's everything. At night with no distractions, I find it impossible not to worry that I've ruined everything."
He didn't seem at all surprised by her confession. It was like he received personal confessions from girls that he stared at (but for the most part showed absolutely no interest in) everyday.
"Well, what if you have?"
She frowned. That wasn't exactly the reassuring reply she'd been hoping to receive. "I suppose it doesn't really matter. As mad as Sirius is at me, it wouldn't be fair to either of us to be together when I don't want to be with him. If Kat and Evie are so appalled that I refused to give up my own happiness for everyone else's then they aren't really my friends."
"Why can't you be with Sirius?" He stepped closer to her. His hazel eyes stared into hers and she was overwhelmed by his scent. How could sweat, grass, and hours of practice mix into such a wonderful musky smell that left her dazed? He was supposed to smell bad. "You don't love him?"
"Y-ye-yes, I love him." She stuttered as she used all of her will power not to incline her head forward to meet his lips. His effect on her really was becoming ridiculous.
He was so close that when he spoke his breath tickled her lips. "How do you know?"
She had been so captivated by his full lips that the intensity of his eyes startled her when he demanded an answer. Thankfully, it was an easy answer for her to give. "He's playful and charming. We were always laughing together… he's been hurt a lot, but most people don't see it like that."
"All qualities," If his eyes didn't hold her firmly in their gaze, she would have closed them because she was sure he was about to kiss her. "-that are shared by your turtle, and your friends."
Merlin, why was he still talking?
She needed to kiss him. She was desperate for oxygen and positive she would be able to breathe as soon as their lips met. Honestly, she would say whatever he wanted to hear. "I don't love Sirius?"
"I don't know, Lily." When he closed his eyes, she followed his example finally ready to taste him.
It could have been a half a second or an eternity, but as he paused with his lips so close that they nearly brushed hers, she felt like dying.
She felt more in that second of not touching than she'd ever felt in her life. Their breath mixed together with eyes gently closed and she would have accepted anything to make him lean forward to meet her.
Instead he stepped away. "I don't think you know anything about love at all."
His parting words left her awake in bed that night.
She knew everything about love.
It wasn't just a theme in her life, it was the ruling factor.
She was the girl who could find something to love in anyone. She had loved Petunia, and Snape, and Sirius when they needed it most.
Love was easy for her. It always had been.
And just who in the hell did James Potter think he was? What made him an expert on anything? He was seventeen just like Lily, with even less experience in relationships than she had.
She was tired of his stupid questions and statements that made her think about how she was clueless and doing everything completely wrong. She would not let him throw another revelation at her.
If she wasn't so bloody attracted to him, she would have dismissed him from her life entirely.
It had to be her imagination. She only wanted him to kiss her so badly because he seemed so indifferent to her.
Getting boys' attention had come as naturally to Lily as riding a broomstick was to James Potter. It wasn't something she set out to be good at or a task she worked to accomplish. To be honest, she had never done it on purpose at all.
Could it be that the only reason she wanted him was because he didn't throw his affections at her so easily? Well, that seemed vain and silly.
Could she actually have feelings for him?
It couldn't be that, she decided after objectively pondering her feelings for a moment.
She didn't feel an emotional need to be with him, like with Sirius. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if she even liked him.
Half the time she just wanted to box him. Unfortunately the other half, all she could think about was snogging him.
So it was just physical attraction. Something she needed to get out of her system.
Somehow, she didn't think he'd be receptive to her jumping on him in the Great Hall.
It seemed like a million years ago that the spectacled boy had a deranged crush on her that he mostly demonstrated by bullying other students.
That James Potter and the one that currently lived next door to her were impossible to reconcile in her mind. His crush had disappeared so quickly, like it never even happened. Sirius never had mentioned it and the whole ordeal felt so surreal that Lily had never thought about it until now.
At some point, he had decided that she wasn't who he thought she was, if his indifferent attitude was any indication as to what happened.
Well, if James could get over his attraction to her then she was positive she could do the same.
It might just take a little effort.
The next day she took pains to sleep a little later than normal, just to assure she didn't run into James in the lavatory. Late Saturday morning it was unusually hot and sunny which made it perfect for her assigned task.
On her first attempt to sit in the courtyard while staring at a slimy plant, she had lasted only half an hour. Even in her shorts and thin shirt she was sweating unattractively under the glare of the sun.
The square courtyard didn't allow for a breeze and Lily cursed Slughorn as she stared at the unwaveringly green Gillyweed.
He hadn't been kidding about it possibly taking a long afternoon. Lily decided she might as well get some use out of the sun if this was going to take all day.
She took the Gillyweed inside with her afraid it would decide to turn purple while she changed. Her trunk was messier than remembered, but she usually didn't dig to the bottom where old items had collected over the years. Unlike other students Lily didn't have the luxury of having a home to store unneeded items for term.
If she owned it, it was in this trunk.
She'd almost given up on her mission, thinking that it'd been lost in the fire when she caught sight of the stretchy purple material of her bathing costume. It had been one of the last things her mother had ever bought for her.
When she was fifteen it had been the most fashionable thing she owned and her favorite article of clothing. The two pieces of material that wrapped perfectly around her body had practically been her uniform for the last month of summer before school started.
Her mother had teased her when Lily packed the purple bathing costume to go to Hogwarts asking her if she was going to wear it under her robes.
As Lily pulled the familiar material on her hips, she could practically hear the whole conversation again.
"Don't be silly, Lily." Her mother had said taking the pieces of fabric out of her trunk. "It'll just be taking up space."
Her fifteen year old daughter had not been able to defend her decision. The costume really would be useless at Hogwarts. "Please Mum, maybe I'll just want to see it sometimes to remind me summer is soon."
But Lily knew that it had nothing to do with summer at all. The outfit had been about being a woman.
She had picked it out herself and her mother had frowned noting it wasn't Lily's style at all. She hadn't agreed to the purchase until Lily had insisted on trying it on in the store.
She could see her mother's face as clearly now as on that day. Her misty blue eyes had never left her daughter's gleeful expression. Lily had twirled and posed trying to put on a convincing show, but it wouldn't have mattered. The bathing costume had been sold the minute her mother had seen her sparkling face.
She was not a little girl anymore.
In the end her mother had relented on both occasions. Lily was such a sweet happy child who never asked for anything, and when she did it was hard for her parents to resist.
The costume wasn't the best fit anymore. It was a little snug on her bum and didn't cover as much of her breasts as it used to, but it would make for a better tan anyways. James had Quidditch all day which meant she had the Head Dorm all to herself.
She was lacking muggle sunscreen so she was forced to cast a protection spell on her skin. It would make getting a tan much more difficult, but even a little color would be an improvement.
She decided that the animals deserved a day in the sun just as much as she did. She let Harvey onto the ledge of the fountain and he dived in without hesitation. The intricate mermaid sat on a pyramid of stones that varied in size and length, and would allow Harvey to do his own sunbathing if he wished.
The door was left open for Snitch to join them and the Gillyweed placed where she could watch it from her quilt. All that was left to do was wait for the green tips of the Gillyweed to turn purple.
The boring day turned out to be one of the best Lily had all term.
It took hours before the tips even began to fade and in that time she and Snitch had improved their relationship when the kitten came to investigate her activities and Lily's skin even picked up the slightest golden glint.
When the sun started its descent, Lily watched anxiously as the tips slowly inched towards a full purple hue. Slughorn was clear the time spent in the sun had to be consecutive and Lily feared there wouldn't be enough time in this day.
"'Oi, Evans!" She heard him call out a half a second before his body entered the doorframe.
She gave him a quick distracted smile. The tips were almost solid purple and she didn't dare risk missing the moment.
When she could still feel his blatant stare after a moment she turned to look at him irritated. "What, Potter?"
He was staring at her like she was a piece of meat and he was starving.
"Blast!" She exclaimed scooping up the Gillyweed as the last tip turned a solid shade. She had forgotten that she was currently sporting her bathing costume from two years ago.
Why was she always getting caught in these situations?
"Do you have any sort of concept of proper clothing?" He asked dryly. The spot he held blocked her path.
She rolled her eyes. "Bugger off."
She had taken Harvey back to his home hours ago, so it was just Lily and her handful of purple tipped Gillyweed trying to swiftly scurry around him.
"I was just going to…" He continued to speak as she achieved her goal and darted inside quickly. "-let you know the team decided to have a little social gathering."
Twelve of her peers stared at her as she came to an abrupt halt entering the living area.
Lily decided it was in fact not possible to die of embarrassment because she might have wished for it a few times in the three full seconds she stood there unmoving.
"Terribly sorry." She squeaked before hurrying into her bedroom.
Through the closed door she could hear a gruff voice interject. "I had no idea the perks of being Head Boy."
She might not have been modest, but that was an experience she really could have gone without. Letting herself into their bathroom she sealed James' side off with a spell, so she could change in peace.
"Some time in the sun has done wonders for your unfortunate complexion!" The mirror startled her with its unwarranted comment.
Lily noted that even despite her still fresh blush, the sun seemed to add the slightest tan to her normally fair skin. She pulled off the bathing costume quickly hoping with it gone so would the embarrassment.
She sealed her room the same way as the bathroom when she was done and decided to opt out of facing anyone in favor of cool sheets on her warm skin. Sliding into the bed naked she could hear the gathering going full swing just beyond her door.
She was very good at ignoring the voices as the get-together progressed into a full party by mid evening. She had heard several people mention her absence and several more people mention her earlier show.
It was after a particularly vulgar description of her innocent purple bathing costume that she decided ignoring the problem was not going to make it go away.
She was a Gryffindor for Merlin's sake!
She pulled herself out of bed no longer appreciating the cool temperature that prickled her bare skin.
Darting to her wardrobe she grabbed for jeans and a shirt she'd purchased at Maureen's when she'd gotten her black dress. It was a gentle blue color that hung loose over her body and stopped just short of her jeans. It didn't bare any skin, as long she stood still.
Aggravated with her cheery curls she dragged her fingers through them ferociously, elongating them. They were more like waves than twists at least for the time being.
She slipped into the electric atmosphere unnoticed, closing her door behind her.
The Quidditch team had turned into most of Gryffindor with a sprinkling of other houses as well. They lounged in the seating area and hung over the Prefect table doing shots of firewhiskey while music blared from a wireless. The desk had been either vanished or shrunk, and in its place were youthful bodies pulsing together in sync with the beat.
Lily was positive that this wasn't in McGonagall's description of "civil socializing if they could find the time."
All of the Marauders were there as well as her entire group of friends. At least they had finally come to see the Head Suites.
"Hello, Lovely." Evie greeted her courteously. "I've been pondering your absence."
"You must have missed the show." Sirius appeared out of nowhere and spoke with slurred edges. "It's really a shame you changed. I have to admit that even you're more tolerable in that outfit, or should I say lack thereof."
She refused to blush- the anger certainly helped her achieve that goal.
"More like you wouldn't be able to control yourself." Kat's sharp voice was unfamiliar in Lily's defense.
Lily looked at the petite girl in surprise. She had grown unaccustomed to defense in her honor.
Sirius huffed in reply before disappearing into the throngs.
She wasn't given the opportunity to question Kat's behavior because when she turned back to her friend, she was gone too.
Evie was no indication of the change either, as she seemed unaware that she was even at a party in the first place.
"I have a crush on Piper Prescott." Evie's dazed uninterested voice informed her.
Lily was more irritated with everyone's sudden interest in the Hufflepuff, than shocked by Evie's new love interest. "What about your older fellow? I thought you quite liked him."
Evie looked wistful.
"And I hate to bring this up, but I don't think you're technically allowed to even speak with Piper." Lily reluctantly added.
The blonde looked confused.
"Remember the whole stalker misunderstanding?" She tried to remind her gently. It was a rather sore subject.
"Oh yes." Evie responded. Sadness barely tinted her emotions. "You're probably right. I only fancy her hair, but I'm lonely."
"And your other bloke- the one you met on holiday?"
"He's very ambitious." She said with a helpless shrug. "I fear he's far too important for me now."
Lily wrapped her arm around the thin girl trying to chase away the sudden vulnerability. "You need someone who thinks you are the most important thing in the world. Anything else just won't do, sweet Evie."
This earned her a big toothy smile. The two girls found a couch in the corner to observe the party, preferring to stay out of the action in favor of entertainment.
"Oh!" Evie said excitedly. "Look how drunk Potter is! I wonder whether he'll be sick before Sirius."
They had been wagering on who would be the first to end the party. Sirius had been in the lead as he toted around his own personal bottle of firewhiskey, but James was currently swaying unbalanced between Honor and another girl Lily didn't recognize.
Either uncaring of his inebriation or unaware the girls happily battled for his attention. The unknown girl went as far as to wrap her arms around him, nestling her face in his neck.
"Where are you going?" Evie asked.
Lily hadn't realized she was on her feet, but she was now marching towards James Potter on a mission. She left Evie staring curiously after her.
"I need a moment, Potter." She spoke with authority.
"For what?" The unknown girl giggled.
Honor just stared at Lily curiously.
"Official Head Business." She said curtly grabbing James by the shirt and pulling him into his room.
He followed her looking dazed, but compliant.
Snitch hissed at the both of them from his spot on the bed. He wasn't happy about being left out of the festivities. James immediately went to tend to the cat's hurt feelings.
"So what is it, Evans?" James asked his voice holding not indication of alcohol like Sirius' slur.
She hadn't expected him to be so sober. He looked about ready to pass out on the girl's shoulder. "I..I.. I was just trying to save you. I didn't want anyone taking advantage of you."
His laughter cut her. She knew as soon as the words were out of her mouth how ridiculous she sounded.
"It's not taking advantage if you're willing." He pointed out. His voice was like a stinging bite.
She hated feeling stupid. It wasn't like she even thought about what she was doing. She just found herself doing it.
She was silent staring at her shoes.
"I'm getting really sick of your issues, Evans." He advanced on her unnoticed and his fierce tone took her back to the night in the Common Room when he had unraveled her life with his declarations.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She snapped back at him. She was unwilling to let him control this situation.
His icy glare startled her and she found herself stepping away from him, closer to the wall opposite his bed. He was close enough for her to smell the firewhiskey on his breath and she was comforted slightly that despite his clear speech, her initial assessment had been correct. He was at least partially impaired.
"I know what you're doing." His jaw line was strong in his anger. "Flaunting yourself in front of me, forcing me to want you again."
His hands gripped roughly at her waist as he slammed his body against hers into the wall. He nipped at her neck and she was ashamed as she moaned into him. She was unsure if it was fear or lust that demanded her animalistic response. Probably a good bit of both.
"Fuck you." She tried to get a hold of herself and push him away, but he held her firmly. "I don't give a damn how much you want me."
The lips, she desperately craved, still did not make contact with the sensitive skin of her neck as his breath tickled her. His hands found their way to her heaving chest and she hated herself for pushing into him.
"Liar." He said into her ear. She could hear the sneer through his words.
She couldn't restrain herself any longer and she let her hands do what they had been begging for her to allow. They found his hair and his bum, and her body was touching his everywhere. It was sinfully erotic and their lips hadn't even met. She fought for it though, trying to catch his lips.
Somehow he found self-control even in his lust driven daze as he muttered senselessly. "Why?"
She wasn't listening though as she finally got to skin beneath his shirt running her fingernails against his taught belly. She wanted to hurt him as much as she wanted shag him.
In retaliation he bit into shoulder and pulled her legs around his waist, her back pressed into the wall. His hardness pressed into her clit, creating dizzying friction and she threw her head back against the wall in a rough moan.
"I hate you." His voice was breathless, but clear.
She didn't care.
Their eyes met for one intense second and then he crashed his lips into hers with force she equaled. Nipping, biting, and sucking they battled one another. His tongue was forceful in her mouth, but she matched him easily.
She pulled his hair and he dug his blunt fingernails into her side. It was escalating so quickly, she was sure they were going to explode.
And then suddenly she was falling, barely able to get her feet to the ground as he ripped away from her. She was lightheaded as she struggled to stand up straight.
"I hate you." He repeated. His anger identical to his passion from only a moment before, and he then stormed away from her slamming his door behind him.
Confused and stumbling, she went to the bathroom door. Her solitary room called to her. Her mind begged for a release of the pint up thoughts and emotions.
"Bugger!" She kicked the sealed door. She had forgotten to undo the spell from earlier.
Entering the party again, Lily was overwhelmed by the hormones that seemed to expand and build like a living creature with a mind of its own. There were less people, but those remaining were the ones who had too much firewhiskey. Loose inhibitions seemed to be the theme as Lily darted around a snogging couple.
"Lovely, I've been looking for you." Kat stepped into Lily's path. "I nee- whoa have you been drinking?"
"Umm no." Lily's hands went to her hair hoping to pull out the tangles and she blinked wildly trying to clear the glaze. "What did you need?"
"I just couldn't let you find out from someone else." Kat said nervously. "I would have told you sooner, but I didn't know it was anything official."
Lily sighed in relief. Kat was finally going to tell her about her relationship with Remus. Maybe whatever weirdness between them had dissipated and they could go back to being best mates.
"It's official now?" Lily asked happily.
"Honor has been declaring it official for awhile, but I guess Sirius can't deny it any longer." Kat gave her a sympathetic look and pointed to the fireplace.
Honor Simmons and Sirius Black were indeed officially Hogwarts' newest couple, if the looks of their snogging were any indication.
But it wasn't the sight of Sirius getting to second base in her Common Room that made her sick.
Apparently it was the night for new couples as Lily watched James snog Piper Prescott for all she was worth.
"Oh, Lovely." Kat saw her horrible grimace. The shorter girl wrapped her into a hug. "It's only to get under your skin. If he really liked her then he would have the courtesy to do that in private."
She nodded numbly in return. "I think I'll just go to bed."
Kat looked worried but let her go with a gentle pat on the back.
In her room, Lily prepared for bed doing her best to focus on every task so as not to disturb the volcano of emotions that was due for an eruption.
She unsealed the bathroom and fed Harvey. Every nightly ritual was done with meticulous accuracy.
Her plan was highly successful until she was tucked beneath her sheets with her eyes pinched shut begging sleep to come.
He said he hated her. She saw in his eyes just how much he meant it.
He had also snogged her so hard she forgot her name, but even that had felt more like a fight than anything else. And now he was with Piper Prescott.
She had convinced herself that if she could just get a taste of him then he would be out of her system, but she hadn't counted on craving more. He made her feel alive. His lips electrified every forgotten nerves of her body.
She didn't love him. She didn't think she hated him either though.
Regardless, she had to have him again.
She was desperate to feel that way again: alive, unbreakable, and raw. How could he not feel the same? Why did he make her feel so wonderful while all she made him feel was hate?
It seemed no matter what she did, she was always doing the wrong thing. Every path she took was marked with failure.
Tiredly, Lily relented.
It was time for a new way of doing things.
Walking into the Great Hall the next morning, Lily was on a mission to pretend nothing had happened with James or Sirius. She hesitated for a moment passing her sometimes meal spot by the fourth years, but held her head high as she continued to her old friends.
She wasn't going to hide anymore. She was the one who had been acting like the change was a bad thing. It was time for a new strategy.
In Lily's old seat beside Sirius, Honor was happily chatting away holding the attention of the group until Lily plopped down right between Kat and Evie.
Silence settled on the group- all eyes turning to her entrance. "Hello everyone! Bit chilly this morning, isn't it?"
It only took a beat for Kat to reply, a large smirk spreading out on her face. Evie joined in quickly with a grin that most certainly displayed just how much she'd missed her friend.
It had been a very long time since Lily greeted anyone with a smile.
Honor was the only member of the table who looked unhappy about the redhead's newfound attitude. Lily even caught Sirius shooting her a few smiles.
The entire meal, Lily had been very careful not to think about James' absence. The other three Marauders in attendance didn't mention their missing member and she wasn't going to ask.
The three ex dorm mates finished their meal and headed out of the Great Hall a happy vibe encompassing them.
"Hello there." Evie said dreamily to Piper as she along with James came through the entranceway just as they were exiting.
Piper looked uncomfortable, but her perfect posture never faltered even as she stepped the slightest inch towards James.
It was a very revealing inch in Lily's eyes.
James looked confused, but smiled at the three muggleborn girls with equal politeness. Lily had never been so infuriated by a polite smile in her life. "You know Piper, right?"
"Sure." Kat answered with a teasing smile. "We're old friends."
He looked even more confused now by their strange interactions.
"They stalked me." Piper informed simply, letting no opinion or inflection creep into her words. As ever her face was polite and smooth.
Kat scoffed uncomfortably. "It was years ago and really a huge misunderstanding."
"We apologized." Lily added quickly.
Evie, who really had been the cause of the allegations, remained silent as she stared longingly at Piper's perfect hair.
"We should go." The redhead grabbed Kat and Evie and pulled them away. They didn't even make it down the corridor before dissolving into laughter.
Evie was the first to recover. "I've missed you, Lovely."
They continued on in silence after that, Lily leading them to the courtyard where they could sit.
"I keep doing things in all the wrong ways." Lily admitted to them.
Kat looked at her feet uncomfortably. "It's us, Lily. We're the ones doing things wrong."
"Yes that too." Lily replied smiling.
They laughed letting the awkwardness melt away.
"I suppose it comes along with being a teenager." Kat remarked reasonably. "You shouldn't have to be the one to start this conversation."
"We're dreadful." Evie added looking like she very much meant it.
"Yes." Lily agreed again. "I've been dreadful too though."
"See- that right there- the Lily that left in sixth year would have taken all the blame on herself. You would have done anything to make us happy." Kat shook her head sadly. "I've been so ashamed."
"We were scared." Evie's rounded eyes welled with tears.
"Of me?" Lily asked softly, unbelieving.
"I knew." Kat explained balling her hands into fist. "I knew you didn't have anywhere to go, but I let it happen anyways. It's not just that. You've been the greatest, nicest, most loyal friend and I walked all over you. It was so easy to take advantage."
She paused and Lily couldn't help the bitter angry feelings that rose inside her. She stayed silent though, knowing as much as Kat needed to say it, she needed to hear it.
"We loved you, of course!" Evie jumped in during the silence.
"And then you changed." Kat continued. "You were a walking and talking representation of my failure as a friend. I knew you had to be angry."
"It took me a long time to realize it." Lily told them honestly. "-How angry I was."
"We ruined the purest, nicest, most innocent person in the world." Evie's voice wobbled.
"We just couldn't face you." Kat finished finally looking into Lily's eyes.
"You didn't ruin me." Lily gave them her bravest smile. "I hope I'm still not ruined… I had been doing things in all the wrong ways long before I started Hogwarts. I had no right to be angry."
They both looked at her questioningly. How could she say that after everything?
"I made those decisions. I decided how I let people treat me. As long as I hold onto the anger, I'm still not finding out who I am. The anger made me stuck in one place. It's time to move forward."
"I think I like her." Evie told Lily kissing her on the lips. "The real Lily."
Kat and Lily giggled at their affectionate friend.
"She's even human like the rest of us." Kat followed Evie's example, but placing her lips on Lily's cheek instead. "Who would have thought, Lovely Lily has bad qualities!"
"Sometimes I think I have more bad than good." Lily's smile was sad.
"Good!" Evie declared happily. "It'll give us an opportunity to make up the last six years to you, if you're a real bitch."
Kat laughed, but turned to Lily hopefully. "Do you think we really can be friends again, Lily?"
"If it's what you really want." Lily had given it a lot of thought. "It'll be different, kind of like starting all over."
Evie and Kat looked at each other for a moment.
"Maybe without the stalking this time?" Kat asked the blonde hopefully.
Evie's smile glazed over. "Only if Lily promises to make herself happy first, before anyone else for the rest of the year."
"No, no, no." Lily dismissed the idea quickly. "I've learned that the key to anything is moderation. I promise to balance out being happy, with making others happy too."
"Deal."
"Deal."
…"Deal."
10857000
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is for fun and no profits have been made.
Author's Note: Internet issues are still not resolved, but I've got semi-reliable access right now and figured I'd abuse it while I could.
Once again thank you so much for everyone who took the time to review. It definitely provides an extra incentive to continue working on this mammoth of a story.
If there is anything particularly enjoyable about my story- a certain angle or relationship, that you'd like to see more of- then please let me know. I've noticed that sometimes a writer can get so caught up in certain aspects that some of the more special little details get overlooked when they should be focused on… Just something I'd like to hear about.
The most random place I've ever been- a tiny town in Virginia that was probably fifty years behind the rest of our culture, but geez it was beautiful.
Question: What's your favorite name?