Love and Other Tragedies
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm not making in money.
Previously: Lily stuck Sirius with a non-debatable "knicker rule" which restricted them from ever fully having sex. James can't seem to make up his mind whether he wants to hate Lily or shag her. In the end a steamy trip to the Quidditch Pitch left Lily de-virginized. The new DADA teacher, Professor Crouch, is acting strangely and drawing Lily's suspicions. Evie likes to alter magic, often resulting with someone's hair the wrong color or other unintentional results. Baker (aka Harland Simmons) left on a top secret mission with the Aurors and Lily hasn't heard from him since. Remus abruptly informed Lily that he is a werewolf. Lily participated in a Divination ritual that caused her to have visions of all her friends dying and other temporary side effects. Sirius was briefly under the assumption that Lily was cheating on him with Baker. Astrid Wilkinson is the new Gryffindor Prefect who is a little too enthusiastic. Lily went on a date with Callum Palmer but things quickly went south when he unintentionally insulted him and both of their ex's showed up. Evie started seeing someone over break and they have a strange relationship that Evie doesn't mention much.
Chapter Eight
The Opposite of the Knicker Rule
Lily and James were silent as they pulled on various articles of scattered clothing. It wasn't an uncomfortable moment, but neither felt the desire to sort through their mess by talking still recovering from what had just taken place.
She finished wrapping Remus' damp jacket around her bra clad form and shivered as she waited for James to hook his belt back into place. Their clothes were smeared and rumpled, but the only real casualty was Lily's shirt which was ruined beyond even magical repair.
Without the need for a vocal trigger, they set out in the direction of the school in sync.
"Probably shouldn't forget these." James halted scooping a bundle of white fabric off the ground.
Lily snatched her forgotten knickers off his dangling fingers with flaming cheeks and quickly shoved them deep into her pocket. The atmosphere which had previously only tittered on the brink of awkward, nose dived into uncomfortable territory.
She doubled her walking pace.
"Unless you plan on explaining why the Head Students are out of bounds hours after curfew, I suggest you wait a minute." James called from behind her. She hadn't even realized he'd dropped out of their journey in her haste.
Lily did as she was told and watched as he caught up to her. A previously unseen bundle of silver was cradled in his arms.
She eyed it suspiciously. Her brain might have been fried with shock, but she wasn't completely nutters. James was still a Marauder after all.
"It's an Invisibility Cloak." He rolled his eyes at her unease. With a practiced flip of his wrist, he draped the cloak around his broad shoulders and disappeared.
She scoffed with stumped disbelief and grumbled. "Of course it is."
Well, didn't that just make perfect bloody sense? All of the Marauders' amazingly executed pranks were suddenly marginally less mysterious. It was really a miracle that they hadn't done more damage.
In some twisted way she was actually impressed by their restraint.
Without warning the world glimmered and she was huddled beside James inside the cloak. He barely gave her a moment to adjust before he swept forward picking up the pace she'd abandoned.
Feet from the castle's entrance, a flash of black caught both of their attentions as it swiftly moved towards them. A hooded figure rapidly cut across the grounds towards the entrance they lingered in.
"What the-?" Lily began but James cut her off, masking her mouth with his hand and roughly pulled her out of the cloaked figure's oncoming trajectory.
He held her back tightly into his chest and didn't remove his hand as a gag as he hissed into her ear. "Just because they can't see you, doesn't mean your big mouth can't get us caught."
It was really a shame that he didn't consider her unrestrained legs and with a hearty stomp, she rammed her foot into his.
Now it was him who had to keep his 'big mouth' shut as he squeezed her in pain.
Just as suddenly as the mysterious stranger had approached they passed into the castle and disappeared out of view.
"What's she doing in the Forbidden Forrest in the middle of the night?" Lily asked perplexed by the turn of events.
"What are you on about?" James dropped his hold as soon as the danger passed in favor of his throbbing foot.
"That was Professor Crouch." Lily had only caught a glimpse of the woman as she rushed by their invisible form, but the recognition was almost instant. "Couldn't you tell?"
"Sorry, I was a little busy dealing with the loss of three toes." He shot back with a glare. "Was that really necessary?"
She ignored him and continued impatiently. "Why would Crouch be sneaking out in the middle of the night? Should we go to Dumbledore? I just knew something was going on with her."
"And how exactly do we explain breaking curfew to the Headmaster?" James rationalized leading them forward under the cloak at a steady pace. The halls were silent as they past, except the soft padding of their feet and James' hissed reply. "Honestly Evans, we'd only get ourselves in trouble and even if it was Professor Crouch, last time I checked teachers aren't required to be in bed at a certain time. She was perfectly within her rights."
Once again Lily let rational thought overrule her instincts that Professor Crouch was up to no good. He was right anyways. It didn't stop her from analyzing the situation in silence until they parted ways without a word.
Her brain couldn't begin to process both Professor Crouch and James at once.
Developing theories based on her paranoia turned out to be a great distraction from obsessing over the fact that she'd had sex with James Potter.
Sunday had a dreamlike quality and she went through the motions with little effort.
In fact, she went a full thirty hours before the realization of her actions really set in. She was sitting at breakfast Monday morning when her thoughts crashed on her like a tidal wave.
She'd shagged James Potter.
It was unplanned, messy, and far from perfect. He wasn't even her boyfriend. Did this qualify her as a tart?
The whole scenario was so…not like her. She was the girl with the "knicker rule."
Technically Sirius had nicknamed it that, but she'd been the one to uphold it. Merlin knows it wasn't because she hadn't lusted after her boyfriend. She had wanted Sirius so badly that he'd even joke about her randy-ness.
The problem was that every time his hand would skim whatever enticing knickers she'd chosen, her mind would scream with a resolute 'NO.' She'd always thought she just wasn't ready, but if that was the case then where the hell had her trusty rule disappeared to Saturday night?
"Morning, Lovely." Evie took her seat at the breakfast table with swirling elegance.
Lily smiled in courtesy, but didn't slow her fork as she filled her mouth quickly. She was on a mission to get through the meal and off to class before having to face James.
The day before had been marvelously quiet on the Head Boy front, but she'd have to keep a tight schedule to avoid him during classes.
Evie twirled her long hair as she studied the Head Girl. "What's different about you?"
Another mouthful of warm food had yet to be swallowed and Lily choked unattractively. Was their some sort of secret physical alteration of losing your virginity that she wasn't aware of?
"Absolutely nothing." She defended with unnecessary vigor after she'd managed to gulp down the obscene amount of food.
"No." Evie took a dainty sip of her juice as she continued to inspect Lily calmly. "Something's different."
With a panicked fervor Lily tucked into her food at double speed, resolute to ignore Evie. Hopefully the shrug of her shoulders would be enough to appease the inquisitive blonde.
"What do you think, Potter?" Evie turned to James as he approached with Remus.
James slid carelessly into the seat beside Evie, across from Lily. "Hmm?"
"Does something seem different about Lovely?" Evie's hair was plaited from each temple to the back of her head. It looked rather angelic, except the curious girl was anything but innocent to Lily at the moment. "I can't quite put my finger on it."
In fact, Lily wanted to strangle her with said plaits.
James glanced up at Lily with disinterest. "Other than the fact she's got bags under her eyes?"
"You do look a bit tired." Remus cut in with a more gentle approach.
Evie stared at her for a moment longer. "You're right. I don't think I've ever seen you look so exhausted. I fixed up a little spell that could clear that right up for you, Lovely."
It was a miracle Lily could stop from openly gaping at James. Once again he had managed to stun her with his completely unaffected behavior. He'd looked her in the eyes as if Saturday night had never even happened.
It was the final straw in a long line insults he'd dished out to her.
He's indifference was a thousand times more hurtful than any cruel sneer or cutting jab.
"No." She answered quickly remembering all of Evie's other "fixes" which had a habit of backfiring. "I'll just have a quick lie-in before Potions."
"Excellent idea." Evie's smile was genuine reaching drastically across her face. "I like my Potion's partner to be tip top."
Lily was barely aware of her old dorm mate's continued speech, but studious Remus caught Evie's mistake. Lily, on the other hand, polished off her plate with little notice.
"Evie, you're partners with Luka MacMillan." He reminded her kindly. "Remember- Professor Slughorn assigned the partners this year. Lily is with Adrian Rooney."
"Luka MacMillan- that Slytherin prat?" James interjected showing the first signs of emotion all morning. "Bad luck for you."
Evie sighed lightly, but maintained her thoughtless grin. "Yes, he's quite dreadful."
With less than half of her attention on the surrounding conversation, Lily fled the table just as the Owls swooped in.
She was positive if she sat there for one second longer the overwhelming need to shout at James would become a reality. It wasn't that there was a certain reaction she craved from him. She had just expected to be acknowledged in some way.
Arriving at History of Magic early, Lily laid her head on the desk and struggled to not fall completely unconscious.
The truth was she did have bags under her eyes, but it wasn't from obsessing over James for once. Her nightmares were terrifyingly vivid, falling in and out of the same world she'd experienced after the divination episode. It was a restless sleep that kept her tossing and turning, but refused to loosen its hold to let her wake up and clear away the fear.
"You're not supposed to fully lose consciousness until the second half of Binns' lecture. Everybody knows that." Callum's smooth accent broke through her daydreams as he took his seat.
She opened her eyes, but didn't have the strength to lift her head up. "You'll be regretting that suggestion when I'm yammering away in my sleep and distracting you from your lesson."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." He mocked a stopping motion with his hands. "One date and I already know your sleeping habits? You're one of those types of girls."
Lily laughed at his joke, but his reminder of their date injected all kinds of new uncertainties into the situation.
She'd gone on a date with Callum and ended up having sex with James? That didn't bode well in her favor. She was definitely sliding into slag territory.
"I'm not always that rubbish at dates." He told her staring uncomfortably at the wood in front of him.
Lily hadn't thought a thing about the awkward tone their time together had taken. She had so many other distractions that the whole incident had all but been forgotten.
Her brain kicked into drive, quickly trying to come up with something to ease the pained look on his face, but he cut her off.
"I mean we've all got…stuff, right?" His hands mingled together, showing Callum's anxiety. "I was just distracted and not operating at my highest capacity."
She sat up rubbing the lingering fuzziness from her eyes and twisted her long hair into a bun at the nape of her neck.
Lily could certainly understand "stuff." She was stockpiling dilemmas lately. From completely changing her outlook on life to muddling up every relationship she had, she could not discredit Callum's excuse. "Absolutely…. And if you ever- you know-…needed to talk, I'm a good listener."
Instantly the anxiety was swept away and his normal good humor snapped into place. "Excellent! I've got my next excuse to spend time with you."
Why couldn't everything be as easy as it was with Callum? For the first time, Lily was beginning to like a boy because she needed an escape from all the 'hard,' and not because he needed her. Of course the feelings weren't intense as she was used to, but that was only because the situation wasn't intense. It made perfect sense.
More than anything, Lily needed just one thing in her life that wasn't complicated. "Only if you promise not to invite along our ex's again."
He threw his head back and laughed with real humor. "Agreed. That Piper Prescott is a trip."
"I was more worried about Simmons stabbing me with her butter knife." Lily admitted glancing around the half filled room to assure Baker's sister hadn't arrived yet.
"If she hasn't done it yet, I doubt she will." Callum assured her. "I honestly thought she'd mellow out when Black finally came around, but it seems it's just pushed her to a whole new level of hatred for you."
His words triggered unanalyzed thoughts from the past summer. She remembered listening to Baker's friends joking about unrequited love and Baker's initial reaction to her true identity. He'd said "You're that Lily?"
"This might be a bit daft, but why doesn't she like me? Is it just because of Sirius?" Lily had so much going on she'd never taken the time to fully assess Honor Simmons' character. Her obvious distaste had always been dismissed as something for later.
Callum stared at her like she was thick. "Are you taking the mickey?"
She shook her head in reply.
"The way Honor talks about it you are on a mission to ruin her life." He continued flabbergasted by her cluelessness. "She thinks you go out of your way to take what she wants. I only dated her for month, but it became pretty obvious that she's borderline obsessive about the situation… You really didn't know?"
Her shoulders shrugged as she contemplated the new information. No, Honor hadn't ever been overly friendly, but she barely registered on Lily's radar half the time. Was it possible she had unknowingly been participating in some huge rivalry she hadn't even been aware of?
Once again Honor was pushed to the back of her mind as class commenced. The burst of excitement Callum injected into her morning was enough to detour Lily's immediate nap.
She patrolled the halls briefly before checking the lavatories on the second floor to fulfill her duties. A group of third year girls had taken to lingering between classes and it was routine for her to disperse them.
The four thirteen year olds groaned at the sight of her.
Lily grinned. "Off to class, girls. I wouldn't want you to lose points for tardiness."
They were filing out when Lily spotted The Daily Prophet one girl had forgotten on the sink. "Don't forget your newspaper."
She snatched the paper and caught up with the paused girls just outside the loo. Gratefully the girl extended her hand and Lily happened to glance down as it made contact.
It was Baker.
HER Baker's handsome scarred face was blasted across the front page. She jerked the item away from the surprised third year and set her eyes to greedily devouring the article that accompanied his (now) laughing picture.
A Hero in Romania
By Featured Columnist Camille Collins
One of the largest skirmishes to date, broke out yesterday between a group of Death Eaters and the Auror division known as the White Cloaks. The Death Eater Rebellion has mostly been isolated to premeditated attacks against muggles and those deemed undesirable, but when White Cloaks came across the Dark Mark late Saturday night they wasted no time in coming to the family's defense.
The newest member of the famed Auror division, Harland Simmons (delightfully pictured above), was able to not only save the muggles' five year old daughter, but also detain three wanted Death Eaters. In honor of his heroism the Head of the Auror Department, Warner Longford, awarded Mr. Simmons the Ring of Honor, the highest symbol given by the Aurors.
I think it's safe to say we all feel a little safer with Mr. Simmons on our side. Especially with a face like that, am I right ladies?
Lily released a staggering breath that she'd held in fear. He was fine. For a moment, she'd been sure something terrible had occured, but instead it was something wonderful. She chuckled imagining his swelled ego after he got word of this.
"He's dreamy, right." The tallest third year mistook her chuckle for a giggling swoon.
The other girls simply stared tentatively at their Head Girl, taken aback by her violent yank.
The obvious leader continued before Lily could reply. "We're starting a group if you'd like to join. It'll just be writing him letters in support, but I'm sure having the Head Girl join would give us a lot of credit."
Lily ushered them off to class after returning their paper and declining the invitation. Although, she couldn't imagine anything pleasing her best mate more than having a fan club, especially if she was participating.
Heading to the suite for a quick kip, she felt overwhelming relief to hear news that Baker was okay. On most mornings the glance through The Daily Prophet was a nightmare as she became convinced every flip would bring her the news of his death. The month had passed without word and no matter how prepared she had been for his silence, it still didn't ease her aching need for him.
"There you are, Lovely." Evie greeted Lily for the second time that day in Potions.
The quick sleep had been exactly what she needed and she felt refreshed returning to her normal schedule.
She'd checked the mirror before leaving and other than her permanently wrinkled uniform, she looked a lot better. She'd fixed her auburn locks into one thick plait that hung over her shoulder to hide the frazzled state her kip had left it in.
Confused, Lily took her normal seat and stared at Evie who was currently residing where Lily's assigned partner, Adrian Rooney, usually sat. "Where's Rooney?"
He was an alright fellow. His passion for photography was well known and they often socialized at Slug Club parties. As partners, they worked well together and always conversed politely while producing some of the best results of the class.
"We traded." Evie explained vaguely while unloading her messy supplies on the work space. "Luka MacMillan is cruel and mean spirited. I couldn't be partners with him. You understand, right Lovely?"
Lily stared back at her cherubic features that were twisted with hopefulness. She couldn't fault the naïve seventh year for wanting to get away from Luka MacMillan. He was foul. It was just that Lily truly enjoyed her partnership with Adrian, and unfortunately Evie was sure to pull her work down.
Sensing her hesitation, Evie brought out the big heartbreaker with pout of her pink lips. "He was always mumbling 'mudblood' under his breath when I messed up."
Well Lily couldn't very well allow her friend to stay in that situation now could she? She relented. "As long as you got Professor Slughorn's approval."
Evie gleefully clapped her hands and assured Lily that she'd already taken care of it. On cue the hefty Professor quieted them and began the lesson.
A minute hadn't even passed and Evie was sliding an envelope across their desk to Lily, who ignored the distraction with irritation. They hadn't even collected their supplies and Evie was already ruining her routine.
When the redhead showed no signs of acknowledging the letter, Evie whispered. "It came at breakfast just after you ran off."
Just to make her hush and focus on the directions, Lily shoved the letter into her bag resolutely.
They got through class without blowing anything up, but Evie had a habit of trying to "improve" the mixture with substitutes. It was the first time Slughorn hadn't praised her work and Evie gave her a sheepish smile as he wrinkled his nose and gave them a disappointed look.
Kat and Marley joined them as they headed to lunch.
"How did you get Adrian to trade with you anyways?" Kat asked curiously. The short Gryffindor's infamous fringe was dangerously long and in need of a good cut.
Lily had been wondering the same thing about her partner's switch. Being grouped with Luka wasn't exactly a coveted position. His reputation of a git was far reaching.
"I let him take naked pictures of me." Evie answered casually.
Marley, Lily, and Kat all sputtered to a stop as the tall blonde continued on as if nothing were out of the usual.
It wasn't until she checked them over her shoulder giggling that they realized they'd been had. "I only asked him nicely and explained the situation."
Lily gave her a doubtful looked, but resumed in the journey to the Great Hall.
Evie's smile turned sly. "I might have kissed him sweetly in thanks as well."
Kat and Lily laughed good-naturedly, while Marley's eyes grew wide scandalized by Evie's behavior. "Aren't you seeing someone?"
"Sure." Evie replied with a shrug of her shoulders.
Arriving in the Great Hall, Marley scampered to Honor's side at the Gryffindor table. Sirius and Emmeline Vance finished out their lunch group, while the muggleborns kept near them but separate.
"How are things going with your mysterious boyfriend?" Lily inquired politely. She needed to keep her mind off James. If he wanted to pretend that nothing happened then she refused to waste time thinking about it.
She'd train her mind to forget anything ever had. Her brain had already been programmed to blot out Snape. Really, the possibilities were endless.
"He's asked me to spend Christmas with him." Evie's face lit up as she told them.
It was the perfect catalyst for a conversation that carried them through lunch and she hadn't noticed James once.
Well until the end when he walked right up to her and asked to speak with her privately.
She nodded numbly and followed him down the long path between the tables. Her initial wish for acknowledgment was completely reversed.
It felt like walking to an execution. This effect wasn't helped by the fact that he kept a full step ahead, instead of falling in beside her.
Outside, he ushered them into a quiet alcove out of the way of student traffic.
And then she waited.
He looked as out of sorts as she had ever seen him. The angles of his messy hair were more severe and his eyes were anxious, darting everywhere but her face. This anxious side of him was almost endearing and she hated the attraction that still pulled at her.
"Obviously we have to talk about it." He blurted finally. The sentence was pulled out of him forcefully and his face fought the statement with a grimace.
Her mouth dropped open stupidly. How was she supposed to reply to that? Once again she desperately wished he had just continued on with his avoidance.
His restless hand flew to ruffle his hair as he waited for a reply that she couldn't provide. "Well?"
She was a fish floundering with no water. Her voice came out scratchy and wrong. "Okay."
"So we're agreed?" His brain was darting ahead of hers.
Had she missed half of their conversation? What were they agreeing to?
"Oh, good." Remus greeted them pleased. "I wanted to have a word with Lily."
As he approached they automatically added a step to the already wide space that separated them.
Remus made a confused face at the tension. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"
Lily couldn't do anything but stare at James. She had no idea what Remus was interrupting at all. Her grasped on the conversation had long ago disappeared.
"No." James supplied quickly. Suddenly he looked at her pointedly. "It was nothing."
It was nothing. She understood his meaning exactly. He wasn't just referring to their conversation anymore.
And as if to emphasize his point further he continued, his eyes barring into face. "It never happened."
He left with the final ominous statement, but the meaning stayed with her.
It never happened.
She had never had sex before, but she was almost positive it didn't work that way.
James Potter declared it and pouf her virginity was miraculously restored. Someone should alert The Daily Prophet about this. Millions of regretful girls would be flocking to Hogwarts for a word with the miracle worker.
"Are you alright?" Remus tried to draw her out from the bewildered gaze that followed James.
Like an elastic band she snapped back to herself. "Absolutely fine. What is it you wanted to talk about?"
His eyes glued themselves to his feet in a sheepish gesture. "I just wanted to make sure you were still doing okay with…my furry little problem."
Lily choked up a laugh at the humorous phrase trying to put the previous exchange out of her mind completely. She was positive she'd heard Sirius use it once under completely different circumstances.
"Remus, I really am okay. It was sudden, but I'm glad you told me."
"I didn't mean to spring it on you like that." He shuffled his feet as Lily studied his lean figure. He wasn't as tall as Sirius or James, but the lankiness of his build made it hard to tell when they were standing side by side for comparison. "I'd been trying to tell you for so long that it didn't even occur to me that I might be surprising you. When I was lying in bed that night it occurred to me that you hadn't been aware of my inner turmoil and it might have seemed random."
She placed an encouraging hand on his bicep.
"You must have thought I was a complete nutter blurting something out like that." He continued smiling at his own words.
"Don't worry about it." She told him with a genuine smile. "It was a brave thing to do."
His cheeks reddened at her compliment. "Maybe I deserve my spot in Gryffindor after all."
"I'm positive it was written in the stars." She joked looping her arm through his as they set off to Herbology. "You can trust me- I have a tendency to break out in prophetic fits…Plus, there wouldn't be any Marauders without you."
That night Lily's strange nightmares returned and although she slept the whole night through, she had fought to free herself from the horrifying images the whole time. It was far from a relaxing experience and again she sat at breakfast feeling worn down.
With the elegance of a zombie, Lily began filling her plate as the full group chattered around her. She was helpless not to overhear the incessant gossip focused towards Honor.
"I had no idea your brother had been inducted into the White Cloaks." Marley gushed to her best mate. Her yellow hair was finally free of the pink ends Evie had inflicted last term. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Lily eyed Honor cautiously. The Ravenclaw was positively beaming at the attention as she picked at her food with one hand and left the other glued to Sirius' on top of the table.
"It was really very sudden." Honor twisted her face into some vague semblance of humbleness and snuggled into Sirius' side. "Harland is very serious about his job. I'm sure it was killing him not to share more information…We're a very close family."
Was that a joke? Baker was never serious about anything, and saying he was close with his family was like saying Petunia begged Lily to come for a Christmas visit in Sweden. Keeping her face impassive, Lily set down her utensils to check the other faces enraptured by Honor's heroic brother.
Sirius kept squeezing his girlfriend's hand and giving her brave smiles, while Marley and Emmeline leaned in starving for more information on the great war hero. Kat, Evie, Remus, and Peter were also tuned into the tale with interest. Lily skipped over assessing James.
It was nothing…It never happened.
"Do you hear from him often?" Kat asked curiously. It was hard not to be interested in the handsome Auror.
Honor faltered momentarily, but the beat of flapping wings made her exclaim excitedly. "There's his Owl now!"
Lily watched as Baker's Owl, Biscuit, headed straight for them breaking away from the other birds.
Only instead of landing in front of Harland's sister, he perched down in the middle of Lily's half eaten eggs.
She giggled and gave the familiar bird a bit of her toast.
"Silly bird." Honor's laugh was high and false as she reached across the table to snatch the Owl's delivery off the table. "He's always getting confused like this. I keep telling Harland to invest in a new one."
Lily nearly scoffed at the idea. Baker would have invested in a new sister before he got rid of Biscuit. She stroked his feathers gently ignoring Honor altogether.
"No, look." Marley stopped the eager girl from ripping into the letter. "It's addressed to Lily."
Everyone's eyes turned to Lily expectantly, but she paid them little mind as she took back the envelope Honor held out limply.
"I'd forgotten you were good mates with him, Lovely." Marley interjected excitedly. "Every time I was over at Honor's house this summer, he was off with some mystery barmaid... What was it he called you- something muggle?"
"Whiskey." Lily filled in clutching the letter with watered down happiness. Her mind flashed to the comments Callum had made yesterday about Lily getting everything Honor desired.
However unintentionally, Lily had once again stolen something away from her. She would have felt bad if it weren't for the barely veiled glare Honor shot at her.
"Yes, that's the same Owl that came for you yesterday too." Evie gave Biscuit one last bit of food before he took flight.
The letter Evie had pushed to her in Potions remained untouched and forgotten in her bag.
Honor looked livid, but Lily was the only one to notice as all the attention had quickly been transferred away from the Ravenclaw. Trying not to make the situation any worse, Lily added the second letter to the first in her bag as much as the restraint pained her. She wasn't going to intentionally inquire anymore of Honor's wrath.
"Of course Lovely would capture the attention of a famous White Cloak." Kat joked only increasing the daggers that were shooting in Lily's direction.
Lily's unease was easily misinterpreted as embarrassment.
An ugly scratch against floor made Lily jump in surprise as Sirius made a stomping exit from the Great Hall. Shocked, the group watched him ago.
Honor was immediately distraught and her vision snapped back to Lily with a vengeance. For a half a second, she seemed to actually consider lunging across the table to strangle Lily, but she shot after Sirius instead.
If it wouldn't have made the situation a hundred times worse, Lily would have stopped her. The last thing Sirius wanted when he was upset was company. His temper required alone time, but Lily couldn't exactly point that out now.
Thankfully, there were three other boys who knew Sirius just as well as she did and Remus caught up to the fleeing girl with easy strides. One muffled conversation later, Honor took off in the opposite direction as her boyfriend.
As the day passed Lily was careful to check over her shoulder wherever she went. Honor wasn't going to let this slight go. She never did. The worst part was that Lily didn't dislike Honor in any solid way.
It would have almost been better if she did hate Baker's sister. At least that way she wouldn't have to feel so guilty.
Her letters from Baker remained unopened the entire day. Lily had big plans for her night though. An old muggle trick for getting a good night's sleep was to add a dab of lavender to a hot bath and that's exactly what Lily set to after dinner.
A simple locking charm fixed her need for privacy and she stripped quickly silencing the pesky mirror's need to suggest new ways Lily could improve her appearance.
She filled the unnecessarily large bath up to the brim and after she'd knotted her hair high on her head, she settled down into a longing seat carved into the side of the marble.
With a deep influx she filled her lungs with the calming scent and expelled the stress of the day.
Finally she unfolded her prized letters and opened the second one.
Whiskey,
Forgotten about me already? I'm that ridiculously attractive bloke you tried to shag all summer. Call me impatient, but I was looking forward to a quick reply to my last letter. I see how it is, playing hard to get... Oh, who am I kidding? I'm irresistible.
Write me back wench.
Don't be intimidated just because I'm a big stud in The Daily Prophet now. Yeah, Mum sent me a copy and yeah- I still look THAT good.
Seriously Whiskey
I miss you
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry with relief. He was still her Baker. A little part of her feared that with the summer so would pass their easy connection.
It seemed her fears were for naught. She grabbed the first letter, giddy with pleasure.
Dear Whiskey,
There are not enough expressions of grandeur nor poetic justice to fully demonstrate just how much I miss...your breasts. I once said they were the most wonderful things I'd ever seen and I stand by that statement. Not that I've had much comparison deep undercover in Romania.
I can tell you that now that the mission is complete. I got tapped to join a fancy Auror division and the change is suiting my nicely.
It's been a hectic month and along with your breast I've also come to miss you as well. I'm as surprised as you are. I mean honestly, why would I miss trollop like you?
You're horrid. You don't bathe nearly enough. Your language could offend the foulest Auror I know, and you spend far too much time trying to get into my pants.
I hope you haven't been worrying about me. In fact next time I see you I plan on cursing you if look the least bit tired.
Now that I've inflated your ego you can start writing your reply.
I'm itching to hear all about your return to Hogwarts.
Love,
The Great War Hero sometimes known as Baker
She laughed out loud rereading each letter. He was just...so Baker!
Content that one worry was temporarily dismissed, she settled deeper into the tub and levitated her letters away from any stray splash of water.
The humming silence only broke for the heavy sound of wavering water when she wiggled some body part with eyes closed.
The lavender and hot water was the perfect combination for relaxing. In fact Lily was so calm that she couldn't even make it out of the water as she fell slowly into her nightmarish dreams.
It started just like it always did as a normal dream would. She was wearing her bathing costume on the Quidditch Pitch but it was half disfigured by a cool lake that tickled her toes.
She just watched as the water rose and rose until she was completely submerged. From below her with creeping ease, crimson streams floated in the water around her like blood. She grew irritated with the distortion of her perfect underwater view and kicked in the water to flee.
But the farther she swam the water only got darker and darker until it was so thick she had to use all her strength to kick against it. With unnatural speed something floated towards her and she tried to scream realizing it was Kat's dead body. The lifeless body was cut and disfigured as it halted beside her, daring her to try and get away with its expressionless face.
This is a dream. She knew it was, but it didn't diminish the need to escape the grotesque sight.
She kicked harder than ever against the thick substance that was undeniably blood and yet she could see through it as easy clear water. Another body appeared the same way as the first and Sirius' ghostly white face pushed in towards her.
It's just a dream. She was losing the battle against the desperation that gripped her and when Honor's body joined them, burned to the brink of recognition, Lily flailed wildly trying to escape- if not her dreams then at least the bodies.
Other familiar faces joined them, all pushing in on Lily until she was hysterical. Again the hand of metal squeezed her throat until she couldn't breathe or see.
She couldn't breathe!
Beyond the point of reason she fought mentally and physically to free herself of the prison. This had never happened before though. This part was new.
The dreams might hold her, but she could always breathe.
She was going to die.
"Lily! Lily!"
Like being dropped, Lily fell back into her conscious mind.
Disoriented, she blinked against the assault of the new environment, while her body shivered and shuttered erratically without her command. She was sprawled on the unforgiving floor beside the bath. The water shifted violently and sent cascades onto the floor, soaking her with ice water.
She had to have been asleep for hours for the previously steaming water to have chilled so severely.
A warm hand grabbed chin and directed her gaze into hazel eyes. He scanned her face rapidly, taking in her unfocused eyes and hair that plastered in circles to her face and down her body. Her bun had come unraveled in the shuffle.
"Lily!" James' voice was much too loud to be so close to her face and she cringed.
"W-w-what ha-happened?" Shivers shook her violently and her jaw caught as she tried to force words out.
"All I could hear was screaming and thrashing, but the door was sealed." As an afterthought he glanced briefly at the blown apart door. It was nothing but splinters and a gaping hole now. "I thought you were being attacked."
A glimmer of embarrassment leaked through her shock and she tried to sit up. His hands were hot against her icy arms and he prevented her movement. Still staring down at from his sitting position towering over her, he used one hand to wipe away the auburn strands that tangled around her.
"I-I f-fe-fell a-sl-sleep."She was so cold. The only relief was the almost too tight grip that James had on her arm. "It was ju-just a n-night-ma-mare."
"Must have been some dream." He seemed unwilling to release her and again and again his eyes and hands skirted her face searching for some sign of damage.
The worried way he fawned over her was such a different reaction from anything she'd ever received from him. He'd been irritated and furious with her loads of time, but genuine concern was completely new.
To both of their surprise, Lily burst into tears.
Later she could blame it on the near death experience, but the truth was when James told her that it never happened, it was one of the cruelest things anyone had ever said to her.
She'd given him the only virginity she'd ever have to give and he had as good as said that he never wanted it to happen. She might not regret it, but apparently he did.
His face showed real concern at her sudden emotional outburst.
"I'm still pathetic." Her tears weren't accompanied by sobs or obnoxious noises. They just poured fast and sure down her face.
"No." He answered simply with a sureness that had to make it so.
The warmth of his breathe on her face was nothing compared to the fire that ignited at the contact of their lips. She hesitated letting him taste the salt on her lips before responding. It was a light sort kiss that came with tentative first experiences, not irrational passion that left people shagging on the Quidditch Pitch.
She was suddenly aware that like that night on the pitch, she was starkers. It was her first instinct to halt the spiraling kisses, but his palms were like warming balm as they soothed down her arms and she couldn't deny the relief of the cold.
She let him continue to kiss her in this new way enjoying the sensation when he replaced his hands to her unprotected abdomen. With confidence his perfectly textured hands rolled up and down her sides until they slid over her hips and he hooked his thumbs forward to caress her thighs.
Lily wiggled for all new reasons now. She grew tired of the prologue kisses and sank her fingers into his thick hair so she could fully possess his mouth.
The new angle brought his soaked shirt into contact with her bare chest and she pulled back staring at the offending object with distaste.
He scoffed a laugh at her expression and just to wipe the grin off his face, she pushed him back and climbed on top of him shaking her drying mane out of her face.
The way he stared up at her made her second guess the decision to let this continue. Lots of boys had told her she was beautiful and even more than that had looked at her like they wanted to tell her, but James looked at her like she was Aphrodite herself.
He made a quizzical face at her pause and she dismissed the silly notion altogether.
He was a boy. Of course, he was going to stare at her like that. He'd found someone willing to indulge him.
When she struggled with his wet shirt, he leaned up to help her allowing her lips to catch the perfect spot just below his earlobe. She suckled the tender area sweetly as he locked his arms around her holding her to him like she might flee at any moment.
It took a shower of peppered kisses down his chest to make him recline back to the stone floor and she secretly rejoiced in the uninhibited moan that escaped him while she sensually pulled the rest of his clothing off moving slowly down his legs.
James Potter lying completely naked staring back at her with a need only she could fulfill was by the far the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed in her life.
He groaned as her small hands started at his calves and ran a tortuous path up the toned muscles in his legs. She felt such wicked pleasure that she could cause these sorts of reactions from him.
His breathing was strained and he made a move to pull her lithe body against his, but she dodged him easily. She wasn't done touching. There was just so much of him that begged to be explored. She didn't know where to start.
Her fingertips only skimmed the dangerous dip of his defined hip bones before she was distracted by the subtle waves in his abdomen that quivered under her full palms. He groaned appreciatively as her path was suddenly redirected south and she let her breath tickle the skin as she lowered herself until she was blowing hot air onto his erect penis.
"Merlin, yes."His deep voice breathed out in a rush as she worked her hands up and down in the most satisfying way. She could be confident that she was at least good at this part of sex. This she was plenty familiar with.
She watched his twisting face.
Seeing the stoic Head Boy in such a state was unbelievable erotic. He had barely touched her and she was drenched. The power intoxicated her.
His hips jerked along with her hand and she knew he wouldn't last long. There was only a brief sigh at the loss of contact before she'd gracefully brought her moist center to rest on his abdomen. The skin to skin contact with her clit brought her hips forward involuntarily as the friction gathered even more fluid for lubrication.
Regaining herself she lifted her hips and with a wiggling uncertainty brought her body down on his allowing his cock to penetrate her.
She'd never been on top before, but her body reacted like a seasoned veteran.
She'd liked sex fine before. Of course there was only the one time and it had hurt a little, but her first time had practically been a fairytale compared to other stories. It had felt great.
But this- this was like nothing she'd ever imagined.
Her body was under the control of unforeseen pleasure as her hips came down on his again and again with insatiable need. One second she was being impossibly filled and with only a jerk of her hips a new sensation ripped through her as her clit rubbed against his hard body.
"Yes." She chanted lost in the impossible pleasure, throwing her head back in surrender to the building momentum.
Vaguely she could feel his big hands clenched around her hips as he pushed her faster and faster. With a rough squeeze of her flesh, he came. His face twisted with satisfaction and just as quickly she ground her hips into his with abandoned want and crashed over the impossible mountain with a breathless spill of senselessness.
Noisy breaths echoed back at them from the marble lavatory, demanding an explanation but Lily was too exhausted to lift her head up much less question how something that never happened had happened again.
She'd collapsed off of him at her satisfaction and had no choice but to watch his rising chest and closed eyes as he recovered silently. There was a good possibility he was asleep and she would have happily joined if it weren't for the cold that was already beginning to ravage her body now that the fire was extinguished.
"Potter?" She questioned quietly.
His even breathing remained consistent. "Hmm?"
"Will you help me to my bed?" If her legs had responded to her demands with the slightest twitch she would have gratefully waited until she could crawl, but chances were that she'd freeze to death before she regained the use of her legs.
Her pride was soothed slightly as he stumbled to his feet with little grace. She prepared her arms for a matrimonial type hold, but he took her by surprise as he swung her over his shoulder leaving her bare ass in the air.
Lily growled, but kept quiet. She'd take what she could get.
With an ungentle swing he dropped her into the comforting warmth and she clawed at the fluffy quilt bringing it around her. To her surprise, James flopped face down onto the bed beside her but didn't make a move to get under the covers. Even she was too tired to appreciate the glorious view of his bottom, so she couldn't fault him for not making it back to his bed.
"I'm going to get up in a minute." He grumbled into the quilt his face was buried in, answering her unspoken thoughts.
It didn't matter. She wasn't even awake long enough to hear his finished sentence.
James was gone when she woke up the next morning, but her nudity and sore legs were evidence that their interlude hadn't been just a very saucy dream.
She had shagged him…again.
Uncomfortable with the turn of events, Lily rolled to the side where Harvey's aquarium perched at her current eyelevel.
No matter her current inner turmoil Harvey looked positively radiant. Lily stuck a finger to the glass and watched as her tiny companion trekked over to the disturbance. His miniature claws slid helplessly down the slick glass as he tried to make contact with her hand.
She had no choice but to ignore his wishes for the time being. Sprinkling food into the turtle's home, she began getting ready for the day with a sigh of regret.
Harvey could've made her feel better.
The lavatory was cleaned to its normal pristine level, but the door that James destroyed wasn't replaced leaving a gaping hole on his side of the loo.
The Head Boy was nowhere to be found.
Her late sleep had pushed out of the option of breakfast and she was nearly late for DADA. Professor Crouch took extra pleasure in ringing out Lily's near tardiness in front of the class, mentioning several times how Lily was supposed to set an example as Head Girl.
The seventh year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students were assigned groups for the lesson and then given time to design a tactical ploy to work through fictional scenarios.
Lily was in a group with two other Hufflepuffs and the three of them immediately began in silent scheming. Unfortunately the group next to theirs wasn't as polite. Lily was annoyed with the three rabbitting girls, until a particular strand of conversation caught her interest.
"…with James Potter?" The giggling voice that accompanied the question belonged to a Hufflepuff whose name Lily hadn't bothered to learn. The only girl out of the three that Lily did recognize was Piper Prescott.
"We attended The Three Broomsticks together." Piper replied curtly.
"Obviously." The girl dismissed. "Are you like an item?"
"No, he's not my boyfriend." Piper answered simply. "We enjoy spending time together."
The mystery giggler huffed. "Oh… Well do you want to date him?"
The girl was obviously desperate for gossip, but Lily couldn't help but be thankful for her annoying persistence.
"Yes." It was her truthful response. Piper was rarely anything but honest after all.
Something unpleasant tickled Lily's emotions and she ignored the rest of the conversation. Did she feel guilty?
James and Piper weren't in a relationship. No one had cheated.
And if it made her feel so terrible then why did an excited jolt shoot through her at the thought of it happening again?
It was like a craving…but not for James. She adored the way he made her feel.
During her free period that afternoon, Lily sought the silence of the library so she could reply to Baker's post.
Dearest Baker,
You are a randy git.
There- now that that's out of the way… As much I enjoy a love letter to my bits, I would have much preferred to hear more about a certain promotion with the Aurors. Congratulations on the White Cloak. Even a muggleborn like me understands the honor in that.
Hogwarts is…complicated. I'll tell you about it in person. We have a date over Christmas holiday to get nice and sloshed together. You owe me a shot of firewhiskey to make up for your sudden disappearance at Kat's birthday party.
Love,
Whiskey (But only you're allowed to call me that)
She sent it at lunch instead of eating. It wasn't such a sacrifice as she also missed interacting with her peers. At this point any situation that threw her and James together was likely to end with shagging.
How did that keep happening? She'd gone six full years without mounting the Chaser and now she couldn't stop.
"Hello!" Lily was jolted by the volume level of the voice that disrupted the library's quiet.
"-Er…Hello." She returned as the younger student perched in the seat beside Lily's. It took a minute to recognize the chubby blonde as the newest Gryffindor Prefect who had some minor stalker tendencies. "Good day, Wilkinson?"
"Astrid." The fifth year requested. "I was going to speak with you at the Prefect Meeting, but since we're both here now…"
Lily closed the book she'd been attempting to study with a sigh. It was obvious she wasn't getting anymore work done. "What can I do for you?"
"Okay, well the thing is… I've been trying to get invited to the Slug Club forever. There's this huge Slug Club party on Halloween and I have to go." Her big blue eyes grew with the sincerity in her voice. It was clear she considered this a matter of great importance. "And you're the most important student at Hogwarts. Not to mention everyone knows how Professor Slughorn adores you… I'd owe you forever if you'd get me invited."
Lily considered her hopeful face. "…Okay, I'll talk to Professor Slughorn, but I'm not making any promises."
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Astrid bounced in her seat like a spring was attached to her bum.
Lily quieted the overly excited girl before the librarian could. Again she assured Astrid that she could only do so much, but the girl pranced away like she'd just won the House Cup.
The Head Girl left the library shaking her head. She yanked her heavy school bag further up her shoulder and caught a flash of familiar hair disappearing around the corner ahead.
A sudden burst inspiration struck her and she sped up to a jog. One thing was certain- she couldn't make her dwindling friendship with Sirius any worse.
She'd spent a lot of time this year just getting out of his way. He really confused her when he had stormed out of the Great Hall. Obviously he misunderstood her connection to Baker again. It wouldn't have taken him long to make the connection between the mystery man he'd accused her of cheating on him with and her supposed Auror admirer.
It was clear that Sirius wasn't going to ask her for the truth so she made the decision to get in his way.
So even when he ignored her previous two calls she continued her chase until she stepped right in his path.
"Honestly, Lily." He complained as he was forced to a halt.
Winded from her hurry, she tried to catch her breath now that they were face to face.
"Did you have something to say or did you just want to cause a scene?" He snapped.
It was true. Bustling students shot them confused glances as they passed. Lily and Sirius' relationship had been well known but so had their breakup.
"You're upset with me." She prompted him ignoring his harsh tone and adopted a conversational one instead.
A frustrated noise escaped him and he shook his head. "I'm not."
His denial threw her off balance. "Then why did you react that way in the Great Hall?"
"You just don't get it." Tension exuded from his hands as he rubbed his eyes in a pained motion.
"I know what it looks like." Lily told him falling back into her original plan of explaining the truth. "But I wasn't with Bak- I mean- Harland in that way. He's my mate. You were my boyfriend."
"Bloody hell." An angry edge infiltrated his exclamation as he leaned towards her. "Just stop. I know that you weren't cheating on me…Give me a little credit. Other than a kneejerk reaction I do know you better than that."
"Then why-."
"Do you have any idea how frustrating it is for me to be around you?" He cut her off viciously. "Merlin, Lily you walk around like nothing even happened between us!... You just don't get it. There will be times when I'm convinced that I really am moving on and then bam I'm reminded again how much I can't stop caring about you. It's one step forward and three steps back…but not for you, Lovely. You're life barely even snagged. Did you ever even care about me at all?"
Her heart ached for the hurt she'd inflicted, but the truth was that she didn't share his pain at all. She was focused on reestablishing her friendships with the Marauders. Her relationship with Sirius barely felt real anymore. "Sirius…"
"No." He stopped her with a wave of his hand, backpedaling like she was contagious. "I just…can't."
She watched him go.
She knew she had loved Sirius.
So why was it so different for him? There had been no mourning of the relationship on her end. Seeing him with Honor didn't stir in envious feelings in her gut. He didn't invoke much reaction from her at all actually.
Was she defective?
And suddenly all she could feel was the numbness. Not because the feelings were gone, but because they had never been there to begin with. It was abundantly clear that she had never loved him in that way at all.
The truth of his words forced her to accept something that she'd feared all along and the numbness gripped her tighter. She felt like a monster. What if she wasn't capable of being in love?
It was amazing how not feeling could feel so damn terrible.
As she lay in bed that night she went over her relationship again and again. They had been together for so long and yet she couldn't attribute any deeper feelings to him than her other friends. For the first time in her life she had to consider the fact that she wasn't meant for a great love. She couldn't even fall in love with her boyfriend.
In some backwards way she wanted more than anything to trade with Sirius. At least the pain came with the knowledge that he could feel that way about someone.
She'd been so positive that she loved Sirius and she had. She truly loved him…but she wasn't nor had she ever been in love with him.
The realization cleared away many uncertainties she'd collected. Except when the questions were gone she felt loneliness fill up all the new empty space.
She needed to feel.
On the pads of her feet she slipped out of her bed and into the darkness. The unknown of the black made her journey quick and skittish through their adjoining lavatory and into the Head Boy's room.
She'd learned a lot since James' declaration last term.
She knew that she could be loved for the person she really was- faults and all.
She knew that it was okay to make mistakes as long as she took something from them.
She knew that life was about give and take.
And right now she knew that James Potter made her feel…something.
Her bedclothes were left at the end of his bed and she slipped under his quilt naked beside him.
"Shhh." Her finger was a feather against his lips as he groggily awoke from his slumber.
She replaced her finger with lips and pulled him fully awake with the sensually slow motion of her kisses.
Instead of speaking his eyes questioned her when she pulled away.
"It's okay." She told him trying to convey her true needs without words. She didn't want anything from him except to feel whatever it was having sex with him sparked in her.
Whether he understood or not, he brought her flush into the sheets that were warmed from his body. His skin was always so hot. Her hands were a contrast of cold and he shivered as she slipped them around his neck above her.
Her voice mumbled against the pressure he applied to her mouth. "It never happened."
The repetition of his own words drew him back.
"It's nothing." She assured him trying to ease any doubts that she didn't understand exactly what was going on between them. "-Just a good shag."
Her demanding lips and hands didn't give him a chance to interject and for the third time she gave herself to him.
She just needed to feel.
There would be no misconceptions about love.
And afterwards- it never even happened.
10101
Author: As always thank you so much for your reviews. They really do give me a kick to keep on writing.
Unfortunately due to my long chapters, I throw a lot of plot at the readers and it's hard to get feedback on all the details. So really ANY review is appreciated but if you have time there are things as a writer I'd love to get feedback about:
One. How do you feel about Professor Crouch?
Two. The Smut: more or less?
Three. Is Lily's decision to start a purely physical relationship with James the right choice?
Four. Were you happy to hear from Baker? He's been MIA for awhile.
Five. Are all of the original characters overwhelming? My plot is so intricate that certain OC's take a while to develop and I'm trying not to throw too much at you, but should I try and tone it down even more?
Six. How do you feel about Callum Palmer?
Seven. Can you relate to Honor Simmons? Do you feel bad for her or just wish she'd get the hell over it?
Eight. Can you connect any of Lily's prophetic visions with things from cannon? Not in this chapter but the last…
Nine. Is the lack of perspective from James driving you crazy?
Ten. Does Remus explanation of his rather unorthodox announcement of being a werewolf make sense?
Eleven. Do you like the chemistry between James/Lily? How could I improve it to be more enjoyable?
Please don't feel like you have to answer any or all of my questions… Even a "glad you're still alive" or "not your best work" is appreciated. And of course, if there is something completely different you'd like to comment on- please share… I'm just trying to improve as a writer so even one answer can help me write a better story!
Thanks everyone!