Love and Other Tragedies

by Fancyeyes

"We don't deserve her," the Head Boy answered thoughtfully. "None of us do. Not even me. Not because she's perfect. She's not. Sometimes I think she's even more disastrously flawed than the rest of us combined. And not because she's beautiful, even though she is. Certainly not for being lovely because she never was.We don't deserve her because she's so much more than we'll ever be"

9. Chapter Nine

Love and Other Tragedies

By Fancyeyes

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm not making any money.

Previously:

Lily has a VERY busy life. She is Head Girl and dealing with the escalating Death Eater Rebellion that has placed her best mate Baker/Harland on the front line. She also meets with Professor Slughorn once a week for extra Potions' sessions which are more important than ever because she's partnered with Evie (who is lovable, but has a terribly unsuccessful habit of altering magic) and agreed to help the fifth year Gryffindor Prefect (and possible stalker) Astrid Wilkinson get into Slug Club so she could go to the Halloween Party ("which is like totally the biggest deal ever!"). There is also the strange behavior of Professor Crouch to worry about who went out of her way to warn/threaten Lily about the first ever private Head Suite and its indication that Hogwarts believes they are in danger. There is even a Truth Mirror that demands the truth before you can enter. As if things couldn't be more complicated Lily and James have begun a purely physical relationship, but they are still quasi connected to charming Ravenclaw Callum Palmer and irritatingly proper Piper Prescott. Also the Head Students may or may not have a cat together, Snitch, but the Knut sized turtle, Harvey, is all Lily's. Something else that is all Lily's is Honor Simmons' jealousy about pretty much every aspect of the Head Girl's life.

The other players include Kat who ditched Lily during the summer when her mother gave her a little sister and removed Kat from the "only child" club (much to her dismay). There is also Hester Sprout (irrefutable best mate of Piper Prescott) who is physically and emotionally scarred. There is also the briefly mentioned Luka MacMillan (Slytherin seventh year who almost everyone agrees is dreadful), Christos Savales (barely noted sixth year Gryffindor Chaser and Prefect), and Amarina Diggory (who happily welcomed her new nephew, Cedric, at the beginning of the year). We also learned that Warner Langford is the Head of the Auror Department who awarded Baker/Harland the Ring of Honor for his heroics.

Chapter Nine

A Result of Benefits

Lily was having a very difficult time focusing on the potion she was brewing. The liquid was a dense navy that matched the color of knickers James had pulled down her legs only hours ago when they ran into one another before morning classes. Even the thud of her hammer smashing the mineral into powder was the same sound the couch had made as he thrust into her again and again.

She could go on and on…

And she had for the last two weeks. She couldn't pay attention to any activity that wasn't shagging James Potter. It wasn't her fault that they were just so good at it. They were putting in enough practice to both be experts at this point.

"Oh, no no no!" Professor Slughorn snapped Lily from her daydreams as he flailed his arms in distraught circles. "It's supposed to be chunks, not powder! And you've mixed the ingredients completely in reverse."

She stared down at her ruined potion with a frown. "Oh."

The round man sighed heavily and vanished her unusable work. "I've never known you to be so careless, Ms. Evans."

The shinning copper of her empty cauldron mocked her as she ran through excuses to satisfy her favorite teacher. She couldn't very well tell him that she was too busy fantasizing about the way the Head Boy had hiked her leg up and how it allowed him to hit the perfect spot.

"I've just got a lot on my mind, Professor." She didn't have to fake the sincerity of her statement. "I'll do better, I swear."

He studied her with an unreadable expression for a long moment before letting go of a worried sigh. As if the air was being released from his enormous balloon belly, he sank into the stool beside her station. The wood creaked with warning under his weight.

"I'd say we're all a little out of sorts these days." He began with an empathetic tone. "All this silliness with the Death Eaters is starting to get out of hand. I admit even I have grown anxious in the current social climate."

Lily thought he might be understating things a bit. The Death Eater Rebellion had erupted with a vengeance and every day they were met with fresh news of attacks on muggles and sympathizers alike. To make matters worse, Hogwarts' students were starting to be pulled from school.

It didn't make much sense to Lily. Why leave the safest place in the Wizarding World where Dumbledore was willing to protect them?

In the end all the absences did was cause more worries amongst the students and force Headmaster Dumbledore to pile on even more responsibilities to their growing list of Head Duties.

"I would say we all need a break." He relinquished the serious subject with relief. "The Halloween Party is the perfect solution! We can all kick back and relax. I can't think of anything better! And did I mention that Warner Langford has agreed to stop by if his schedule remains clear on the night? It's highly unlikely with all that's going on with the Aurors these days, but it will be a great opportunity if he does manage to make an appearance."

Lily could think of quite a few things she'd rather be doing than spending an evening at a Slug Club party, but she had to admit curiosity about seeing the Head of the Auror Department. It wasn't like she had a choice regarding her attendance anyways. She was on the verge of falling out of Slughorn's good graces and missing his precious party would definitely be the end of her charmed status.

Then there was the matter of Astrid Wilkinson. "How did things go with my friend Astrid, Professor?"

"Oh, yes. She's agreed to attend." His eyes wrinkled with confusion as a faraway look glazed his eyes. "I had no idea her family was of such high standing in the muggle world. Was it the President of Norway you mentioned?"

Lily inwardly cringed at her lie. She had to come up with some reason for the professor to take interest in the fifth year though. It obviously wasn't going to be Astrid's Potions' skills. Slughorn had been rather stumped when Lily even suggested the Gryffindor Prefect was worthy of the Slug Club.

"Something like that." She avoided his eyes and quickly changed the subject. "What are you making there? It's beautiful."

Professor Slughorn's eyes lit up with excitement and the chair gave a grateful sigh as he launched his body to the work station beside Lily's. "This is Felix Felicis."

Lily remembered the potion from last year. "Are you making a sample for the sixth years?"

"Oh, no." He carefully dipped his wand into the smooth substance and watched with rapture at the gold liquid luck. "This one is for me."

Lily cocked her head to the side, interested. "Planning on taking some risks, Professor?"

His deep laugh rattled his lungs and finished as a cough. With a twinkle of favor in his eyes, he smiled. "Nothing that interesting, I'm afraid. I'm just an old man who's intrigued by the potion's mystery."

"You've never taken it before?" She wanted to know. His tales of a being a struggling elder was just a Slytherin trait of survival. Being underestimated was always a nice place to surprise an enemy. She was too smart to be fooled into believing the Potions' Master was frail in the least.

"I had one perfect day thirty-three years ago." He said, but his eyes had left reality as his mind reminisced on his magical day. "I figured after three decades I'm due another. Now I just have to decide the right time…"

With her potion ruined she decided to call it a day and leave Slughorn to his memories.

She was supposed to be meeting Kat right after her extra lesson, but now she had a little time before her friend was due. Even a few spare minutes meant she'd get to rest no matter how brief it might be. Downtime was hard to come by. Her schedule wasn't just full. It was overflowing.

Jumping from activity to activity, she barely had time to sleep and when she did have any free time James always managed to fill it up. Take this afternoon for example. Now that she was finished with Slughorn, she planned to complete her Charms essay with Kat and then there was a Prefect meeting that would last the rest of her night.

"You're early." Lily tried to force cheerfulness at the sight of Kat's petite figure slanting into the wall near the Truth Mirror, but she couldn't completely suppress her dejection at the loss of her alone time.

"I got bored." Kat shrugged and then made an irritated kicking motion at the tall mirror. "This stupid thing won't let me in."

"Kat, I invite you into my room." Lily rattled off sliding through the cool illusion of glass. She didn't bother to wait for the raven haired girl, knowing she would follow.

Entering into the open room of the Head Suite, she immediately looked to the double sided desk. James was there as expected and he nodded slightly in acknowledgment before turning back to his books.

"Aren't you just a Hufflepuff?" Kat caught the tail end of their interaction and interjected sarcastically. "Try and control your friendliness, Potter."

Lily would have laughed if she wasn't trying to avoid mingling with James in front of their friends. Her honest face would have everyone asking questions. They might not be able to guess what she was hiding, but they'd certainly know that something was going on. She tugged Kat out the common room into the Head Girl's Suite by the sleeve of her blouse.

"Oh, Lily." Kat flopped casually onto her bed with an exaggerated huff. "Some things never change. It was too much to hope that James Potter's uncanny ability to glue your mouth shut and/or flee would disappear with your other pushover qualities."

Lily settled on the bed with her feisty friend and with an unconcerned push, knocked Kat onto the floor when she finished her vocal jab. The tiny seventh year stared up at Lily with disbelief in a rumpled sprawl. Kat's unladylike position and distraught face were too much for Lily who promptly erupted into a fit of laughter.

"Are you barking?" Kat climbed to her feet with a humored glare.

"I'm just trying to teach you sibling affection." Lily dodged a badly thrown swat from Kat who was fighting off giggles. "Now that you're a big sister and all."

"If I had known violence was a perk then I would have warmed up to the idea long ago." Kat admitted, reclaiming her spot. "I can already tell that spoiled little creature is going to need a firm hand."

Lily scoffed, emptying her supplies in a pile on the bed. "She's barely five months old. Let's give her a year before we sort her into Slytherin."

"I think it's pretty certain that child is going to be a witch of a whole different sort." Kat's dark eyebrows rose pointedly.

Lily suppressed any comments because pointing out Kat's severe 'only child' syndrome would only prove to be redundant at this point. It might take her a little while, but eventually she would warm up to her little sister anyways.

And until then Lily decided that they could both be the sisters that they really wanted.

It made her realize how badly she really needed a sister right now…a real sister. To have someone that she could confide in fully without fear of judgment felt like it would be the most satisfying thing in the world.

Why couldn't Kat be that for her?

Lily stared at her friend who was shifting notes and jotting randomly along the lines of her parchment. Kat was barely taller than she'd been as a first year and Lily could remember thinking her new friend had been the bravest person she'd ever met. She was certainly the most courageous eleven year old.

Lily's heart swelled with deep affection and she could literally feel the confession racing like the Hogwarts Express out of a tunnel.

The three muggleborn dorm mates had spent many nights, tongues loosened by darkness, spilling fears and secrets with whispered voices until dawn peaked through their windows. They'd wondered if it would really hurt or if they'd be in love. Wages had been made about who would lose it first (unanimously Evie) and they'd shared silly questions that were too embarrassing to admit to anyone else. One thing they had always agreed on was that it would be monumental.

Lily would have someone to admit to that the strangest part of the whole thing had been how little different she actually felt. It was supposed to be the biggest deal in the world and yet she pretended again and again that it never even happened.

This was her chance to share all the answers and misconceptions that they'd always wanted to know…

"What?" Kat questioned Lily's trapped stare.

The Head Girl froze. She hadn't realized she'd been focused with unblinking intent.

This was her chance though. Her mouth opened and- "Sorry, I exited for a minute."

Kat rolled her eyes and went back to work.

She couldn't do it.

The second those words came out of her mouth it would be real.

As mad as it seemed, so far James and Lily operated under an unspoken rule. They could have sex (and they had…approximately seven more times), but they never talked about it. Thinking and talking would result in facing questions that she didn't want to answer.

Maybe, it meant facing a part of her that she didn't want to acknowledge.

She preferred things the way they were now.

It just meant that she was in this alone. Well… except James and he didn't really count.

Kat's early arrival turned out to be a blessing because they finished with plenty of time for Lily to prepare for the Prefects' meeting. With Kat gone she took a minute to check her appearance in her vanity mirror.

Her hair was almost permanently pulled back as a testament to her lack of personal time and thanks to an even more hectic than usual afternoon the style was redefining sloppy. Fat curls fought against the ribbon trying to contain them until the ponytail slanted with messy ease to the side. Her infamous wrinkled uniform was dented and blouse loose.

She couldn't have looked less like a Head Girl.

With a helpless sigh she tried to shake off the negativity and entered the common room while running through a mental pep talk in preparation for the meeting. Hogwarts needed her now more than ever.

Involuntarily her eyes sought James at the desk, but her presence went unwelcomed this time. He was still hunched over a book while one hand tangled into his messy locks, just as he had been the last time she'd passed. She felt a familiar tingle of want, but shook it off making her way to organize papers around the long Prefect table. They had to get some work done.

She didn't think she'd ever get used to the effect he had on her. Just being in the same room with him set a torch to her nerves and she became hyperaware of every tiny movement either of them made. Tension filled her body and she busied her antsy hands, restacking parchment until every pile sat in perfect lines.

Lily nearly jumped a foot off the ground at the scrape of James' chair.

She remained stationary, listening as the Head Boy came to stand inches behind her without bringing them to physical contact. From the tips of her toes, up every generous curve, to the flush of her cheeks, her body buzzed with awareness.

"Evans?" He murmured softly.

His breath seemed to brush against every bit of skin drawing goose bumps to the surface and sending her shivering in recline toward his sturdy body. "Hmm?"

James didn't reply and with nimble fingers he gently pulled at the ribbon that secured her hair. When the thick red tresses fell past her shoulders, he slid his fingertips up her neck to rub small circles against her sensitive scalp.

It felt heavenly and a small whimper of approval let him know she enjoyed the treatment.

While continuing his massage with one hand, the other trailed down the side of her throat which she tilted sideways to encourage him. The more skin she exposed, the more he could touch. His hand slipped all the way down to nick the top button of her white shirt and then the next until he'd freed just enough material to slide one sleeve of fabric off her shoulder. In the same motion he'd swept her tangled hair clear, leaving her neck exposed to his tingling breath.

"Evans?" He repeated no more than a whisper into her skin.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she couldn't make her voice anything more substantial than a sigh. "Yes?"

"Has anyone ever told you how terribly you wear a school uniform?" The teasing distance between his lips and her naked skin only irritated her more than the statement did. "The way it hangs off those dangerous hips and yet somehow hugs you in all the most tempting places really should be against the rules. It's almost unfair… Seeing you in it only forces me to imagine you out of it."

Lily really didn't stand a chance after that. With her skirt hiked up and bent over the Prefects' table she and James had sex for the tenth time. She didn't know if it was the danger of getting caught or the naughtiness of shagging on the table, but it seemed the sex only got better and better.

She stole the bathroom first and just as she traded James, the first Prefect arrived. It was olive skinned sixth year, Christos Savales. He was lean, Greek, and beautiful. The problem was that no one was more aware of his attributes than Christos himself.

With fair cause Lily nervously eyed the degraded table as if the spot would suddenly start shouting out the activities that had just taken place.

"Strenuous day, Evans?" Christos' smirk smoothed across his lips like a well trained dog.

"Er…" Her panicked hands gripped her skirt and she felt her face fill with blood. "Why's that?"

He strolled casually down the row of books beside the fireplace and chuckled at her flush. One elegant finger trailed across the aged spines, barely eyeing her as he spoke his explanation. "You look tired."

She released a shaky laugh in relief and sank into her usual seat at the head of the table.

It was getting to be ridiculous how paranoid she became after a rendezvous with James. There was part of her that was convinced some sort of evidence would inevitably give them up. And even though she was unsure of almost everything going on her life, being discover was the one thing she was certain could not happen.

"Odd." Christos was staring at a particular spot in the line of books on the second level of shelving.

"What's that?" It was easy to be friendlier than normal to the conceited Gryffindor Chaser once she realized he wasn't about to uncover her dirty little secret.

Christos met her eyes over his shoulder as he pointed out a particular book. "It's a muggle cookbook."

She shrugged absently.

James reentered the room with silent grace. He didn't even make note of the area where he'd just taken her on the table.

"Savales." James nodded at the other boy. The younger boy's hair would have been just as messy as the Head Boy's if he didn't keep the sleek locks so short. "I'll remember that you are capable of being punctual next time you're late for Quidditch practice."

Christos laughed off James' critique with smiling elegance. It was easy to see why all the sixth year girls swooned over gorgeous Christos Savales.

It wasn't long before the rest of the Prefects were pouring into the spacious room and their chatter created a healthy buzz that echoed off the walls.

"We're only missing Prescott." James projected his voice over the others'. "Any ideas on your fellow Prefect, Campbell?"

James addressed Ashby Campbell, the seventh year Hufflepuff Prefect. Lily couldn't help but wonder why James wasn't aware of his precious Hufflepuff's location. She watched his face closely as he spoke of Piper. It was just curiosity of what was really going on between the two seventh years.

Ashby only allowed his usual arrogant grin before shrugging. "Probably forcing first years to color coordinate their wardrobes."

The students chuckled appreciatively at Ashby's joke and even Lily had to fight off a smile at the accurate jab. James wasn't laughing and he even shot a disappointed look at Lily as if he could sense her non-smile.

Amarina Diggory, the fifth year Hufflepuff, cleared her throat uncomfortably. She was the only other person who didn't find humor in Ashby's statement.

"Yes, Amarina?" James looked to the pretty girl with gratitude.

"Maria." Maria's blush would've made Lily's scarlet cheeks proud. "I haven't seen Piper, but I know that Hester Sprout's family came and pulled her out of Hogwarts today."

An ominous silence fell over the group.

Lily immediately felt guilty. Everyone knew that no matter what shortcomings Piper Prescott had, her friendship with Hester wasn't anything to scoff at. Other than the Marauders there wasn't a more undeniable friendship at Hogwarts. It was impossible not to ache for Piper's loss.

Lily turned her attention to James as she watched the same flashes of his reaction that had just passed through her. These moments of quick surprise were the only time it was really possible to catch a glimpse of his true emotions. It became obvious from the twisted worry that peppered his features that James really did care about Piper Prescott.

Lily couldn't even begin to decide how she felt about that. So instead of drawing out the moment further, she cleared her throat to break the silence and recapture the thoughtful Prefects' attention. "We'll start without her. I'm sure Diggory is willing to fill her in on anything she might miss…. Alright, the first order of business. Do we have any volunteers to monitor the entrances on the Quidditch pitch for the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff match?"

Of course, no one did but it set the meeting back in motion as Lily assigned the duty to disgruntled Slytherin and Ravenclaw fifth years. After that they moved onto to other new responsibilities that were building every week with the increased focus on the Death Eater Rebellion. Thankfully the Prefect's numbers hadn't been touched by the dropouts, but it was only a matter of time.

Once the meeting was wrapped up a handful of Prefects remained to gossip and discuss the current goings-on of Hogwarts as was routine.

"How is it that all these underage witches and wizards can be allowed to not finish their education?" A young Prefect wanted to know. "Are all of their wands being snapped?"

"As long as they continue their studies through the special Owl system set up from home, Dumbledore has allowed them to keep their wands." Lily informed them stiffly. She wished their conversation was limited to silly gossip opposed to the serious issues she was already being forced to think about far too often.

"Why are students leaving now?" Another student asked. "It'll be over soon, right? Every day The Daily Prophet talks about all the Death Eaters that the White Cloaks and Harland Simmons are catching."

Lily was happy that Honor had fled the Head Suite right after the meeting was over, as all eyes turned to her.

She didn't know how the tales of her relationship with Baker had become so widespread, but as her Auror's fame grew so did the number of inquiries she received about their supposed relationship. All the unwanted attention had driven Honor's dislike to new levels of loathing. Lily was almost positive that the anonymous curse that shredded her book bag between classes yesterday had come from the spiteful Ravenclaw.

She ignored everyone's curious stares and let another older student assure the fifth year that the rebellion wouldn't even last through Christmas.

James fidgeted with a distracted eye on their rambunctious cat that was circling Amarina Diggory with prey like interest. "Evans, why don't you show the Prefects out? It's getting late."

Her eyes narrowed indignantly. They were supposed to the most equipped students in school. Did they really need her to hold their hand out of a room?

But then she noticed the eye he kept on Amarina was more than just a precaution of Snitch's looming attack. He wanted to speak with the Hufflepuff more about Piper. As genuinely sweet as the gesture was, Lily couldn't find it in herself to be warmed by it.

With jerky movements she did as she was asked, leading all of the Prefects to the Truth Mirror except Amarina Diggory, who James held back.

"Thanks again, Lily!" Astrid grabbed her roughly for a hug as Lily stood outside the entrance wishing them goodnight. "Honestly anything you need and I'm your girl…. I owe you big time!"

The Head Girl gasped when the fifth year's hold continued to choke the breath out of her.

"Oh, sorry!" Astrid jumped back with chagrin.

"It really wasn't a big deal." Lily assured the chubby blonde. She rubbed her shoulders that ached from the shorter girl's tight embrace.

Astrid just grinned maniacally before hurrying off after the disappearing Prefects. Lily watched her go with a chuckle of amusement.

"What was that about?"

Lily squeaked in surprise at the remaining Prefect. She thought she was alone.

"Callum!" Her hand went to her racing heart. "You scared me."

She couldn't fault him for laughing. Her feet had cleared the ground by at least a foot in her fright. Plus, he looked so handsome in his good humor that it was impossible to be angry.

"I just did Astrid a favor and she was saying thank you in her own unique way." Lily explained to answer his first question about the fifth year's exaggerated farewell.

"You are a fascinating girl, Lily Evans." Callum stared at her with grinning wonder. "I can honestly say that you are unlike any girl I've ever experienced."

She wrinkled her nose in tickled embarrassment of his assessment. "Oh and since when do you have so much experience with the ladies, Callum Palmer?"

"I'd say quite a bit considering the five girls that call themselves my sisters." He chuckled at her surprised face. "They were always obsessed with who liked them and getting even with those who didn't. They would never go out of their way to do a favor for a lowly fifth year that they barely knew."

"I think you're probably selling them a bit short." Lily teased him trying to quiet the part of her that was so pleased with his comment. "If they are related to you I'm sure they're all fine girls."

"Absolutely." He agreed without missing a beat. "I love them to death and if you ever tell a soul about my less than flattering observation I will deny it until my last breath… But even they would probably admit that their Hogwarts' years weren't exactly the example of maturity. They're brilliant now though."

Lily just smiled in reply. She liked knowing things about Callum. There was something so normal about it.

"I should be getting back." He said looking at her purposefully. "There's this harpy of a Head Girl that looks for any silly excuse to take points..."

She pushed him playfully, but his stronger frame didn't give at all under her strength. "Now I really might take points."

His hand reached out to her thoughtlessly and for a moment she waited for it to cup her face, but at the last minute he ruffled her hair instead.

"Save me a seat at the match?" He asked without acknowledging his almost caress.

Lily's smile was stiff as she answered. "Sure."

She watched his back until he vanished around the last corner. Their friendship always seemed to linger just before romantic. Sometimes he would do something and she wanted more than anything to take his hand to share the warmth he gave her so easily. It left her wondering why he didn't push them over the edge?

She was happy that he hadn't because she certainly didn't know how she really felt about him, but she was curious as to what held him back. She was almost positive that he had feelings for her. Could he sense her hesitation? Did he detect her uncertainty?

Lost in her thoughts Lily reentered the suite. With measured steps she took the stairway slowly until she could linger just beyond James and his guest's vantage point.

The lean fifth year was listening to James' quiet words with sincerity and Lily chose to focus on her instead of why James looked so concerned about Piper Prescott.

Amarina Diggory was as sweet as she was pretty. It was a soft beauty that didn't immediately capture attention, but a kindness that showed through her chocolate eyes and unthreatening heart shaped face. Amarina's hazelnut hair was cut off at her chin and it accentuated her nearly perfect bone structure.

Their conversation was short and after a supportive hug from Amarina they parted ways. James had already whisked Snitch into his room and closed the door behind them before Amarina smiled shyly as she passed the Head Girl.

Lily scooped Harvey out of his aquarium once she was in her bedroom and watched the excited turtle waddle small laps on her bed.

Her life had become a fragile shell that threatened to break at any misstep. The problem was it was getting harder and harder to know what the right steps were.

Every action had to be measured and calculated to dodge minefields waiting to shatter the breakable existence.

She couldn't even think freely with fear of guilt or realization lurking around every corner.

Over the next week a tension began building at Hogwarts. A portion of it was due to the upcoming Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, but another fair amount could be contributed to the escalating rebellion which leaked more than ever into the lives of Hogwarts' students.

Lily's tension, however, was of a different sort. The regular shags she'd become accustomed too had completely evaporated in place of all James' responsibilities and duties. An uncomfortable itch of lust was quickly turning into full blown desire.

She needed his hands on her. She needed him inside of her. She needed to feel the spike of fire only he could light inside her.

Unfortunately she couldn't even find five seconds alone in his presence. One tense Wednesday afternoon she considered throwing everything out the window and mounting him for a go right in the Great Hall.

By the next day Lily was literally wiggling from the lack of satisfaction. She had never been so randy in her life.

After a restless Charms class she finally found an opportunity as risky as it might have been. She watched from the emptying classroom as James quietly headed in the opposite direction of his friends. He was alone!

Her feet hurried after him without thought. She barely spared a glance to make sure Evie or Kat didn't follow her.

It was past the point of caution. She caught up with him two corridors later and the solitary area she followed him to was perfect for her means.

The hollow echo of her footsteps finally alerted him of a presence as she grasped the material of his robe and pushed him backwards into a dark recess cut out of the stone wall.

"Wha-?"

But she used her needy mouth to answer instead. He didn't instantly respond and she awkwardly tried to maneuver them further behind the curtain of shadow. Her lips slowed trying to coax out a response, and she was encouraged that he didn't try and stop her.

With a sigh of defeat he simultaneously opened his mouth to her lips and gathered her slim body to his in a desperate hold. It was all the response she needed to completely give in to the lust that drove through her like a Seeker racing after the game winning Snitch.

Under her partner's control, their position was roughly switched and Lily's back hit the wall with a barely noted thud. The abundance of fabric from their robes and uniforms piled and scrunched around their intertwined forms creating frustrating obstacles. Thoughtlessly the hindrance was tugged at, but their full need was in their lips that locked with passion.

For all their groping and grasping it wasn't nearly satisfying and only succeeded in driving the Head Students into wanton lust.

It wasn't until she was gasping and wobbling dangerously into the empty air that James quickly abandoned that she heard the oncoming voices and clatter of footsteps.

She was torn between being thankful for James' speedy escape so that they weren't caught and irritated that she was left more worked up now than ever before.

In fact she nearly snarled at the twosome who interrupted them. Her legs were too weak to make getaway so she was forced to wait for them to pass.

It took her dazed mind a moment to process the identity of her visitors, but when she did it was with intrigued suspicion.

Luka MacMillan, with his hulking figure, loomed over Professor Crouch. They paused in intense whispers casting paranoid glances around the hall. Lily couldn't make out their sly conversation, but it didn't take a lip reader to figure out whatever they were discussing was serious.

The Slytherin seventh year would have reminded her of a bear if it weren't for his pale skin and white hair. He was easily the tallest and widest boy at Hogwarts. If she wasn't sure that even a small child could outwit Luka, he might have been intimidating.

Lily leaned forward desperately trying to catch a hint of their words, but it was useless. Not only was their volume careful, but after a few more heated words they parted, stomping off in opposite directions.

Somehow Lily doubted that a bad DADA mark could result in such an exchange between student and professor. It was all strangely personal, but not in a romantic way.

Now that the coast was clear Lily left her hiding place and hurried off to her next class. But the rest of her day did not pass with ease.

It really just came down to one thing. She needed to have sex with the Head Boy…and soon. Otherwise her marks would really start to suffer.

Alone in the Head Suite, Lily spread out her homework in front of the fireplace. Not surprisingly, James was torturing the Gryffindor team at practice, trying to punish them into beating Hufflepuff. She prepared for a long night of Transfiguration essays and Potions' study.

"Good." The single word broke the silence and Lily's head shot up, surprised. "You're here."

James stood uncertainly at the top of the stairway staring across the suite at Lily's sprawled mess. Her hair was loose and wild from running a frustrated hand through the tangled strands, and her cheeks took a blistered red tone from the heat of the burning fire. The entire disheveled look was topped off by a smudge of ink across her right cheekbone where she had rested her hand in despair.

She nodded eagerly taking in his barely windswept hair and chap-less cheeks. Apparently Quidditch practice had been cancelled.

"McGonagall gave me a new list of duties that need to be delegated out to the Prefects." He cautiously walked to her position and handed her a lengthy parchment as he took a seat on the loveseat behind her.

Using clumsy feet she pushed her bum up to the spot beside his on the couch.

"What's this about patrolling the grounds during Hogsmeade weekends?" Lily asked absently about number seven.

"Apparently there have been some security breakdowns during those weekends." James informed her softly.

The softness of his voice was enough to make her look up from the list. Their eyes locked and familiar sparks ignited the fire in her chest.

"We've really got to work on this…" He didn't break eye contact and despite his words he slowly inclined forwards.

"Mm..hmm." She murmured in agreement letting the parchment slip out of her fingers.

By the time it settled on the floor, they were already embracing, attached at the lips. For once his hand was cold and she shivered as it went up her skirt and edged her tights down until her smooth legs were bare. Lost in their kisses, she tried to wrestle his belt free, but the mission was not only unsuccessful but the jostle seemed to alert James of their purpose.

"It's very important…" He dragged free of her lips, but even as he spoke he seemed to forget why he was putting a stop to their actions and he was pulling back to her.

She smiled smugly into his lips, but as soon she reached for his hair, he was gone again. This time he realized the best course of action was to put actual distance between them and he darted around the couch.

"McGonagall made it clear that this has to be done by tomorrow."

Lily nodded, but with absolutely no intention of giving up. Rationale had long ago fled. She was a single minded animal and she wanted him. She needed him now.

He eyed her cautiously as she circled the other side of the couch with careful restraint.

"Evans..." He warned her warily as she took a step closer to him. "Stay."

She paused unhappily for a moment considering her next route of attack. Suddenly her bottom lip slid forward out of a frown and into an attractive pout that matched her new idea perfectly.

The moment she edged towards him with an extra sway in her step, James stepped back seemingly aware that he was in trouble. Lily stared up at him from under her eyelashes and with a simple slip of her fingers, unlatched the top bottom of her blouse.

"Lily." He warned again, stepping back until his back hit the bookshelves.

She approached him slowly, giving him plenty of time to escape if he really wanted to. She was just freeing the last bottom when she came to stand against his chest.

"Please…" It was a soft meaningful sigh on her breath.

James' great and powerful self restraint lasted all of five seconds under her heaving breasts and needy eyes.

Picking up the frantic pace he'd left them at earlier, they collided with busy hands and hearty moans. With inept control he flipped their positions so her bum was perched on the shelf. Lily growled irritated that he'd stolen the power and set to battling him for it back.

James met her challenge with resistance and his strong hands gripped the bookshelf on either side of her head.

The following series of events were so rapid that they blew through her perception with little rhyme or reason.

One moment she was wrapped in the erotic moment, she'd heard a few books fall to the floor, and then they were spinning so quickly her mind couldn't process it. James landed on top of her with all his weight in a space that was obviously not a part of the Head Suite.

Lily gasped as she tried to regain the air that had been knocked out of her from the sudden drastic fall. The Head Boy's quicker instincts allowed him to recover much faster and he was already off of her, jerking his head around trying to figure out what happened.

She struggled to sit up on the dirt covered stone floor. The space was narrow and the wall that had just spun to dump them unceremoniously to the floor was a dead end. The other direction led endlessly on into the shadows that heavily draped the passage.

"Are you alright?" James finally turned back to his injured partner once it was clear there was no imminent danger.

"What happened?" She asked instead, still seeing stars from the hit her head took on the solid ground.

James turned to inspect the wall they had just come through. His hands made greedy paths along the unyielding stone until he'd touched every inch. "I must have activated a secret passage in the bookshelf."

"I'm never going to get shagged." Lily grumbled quietly, rubbing the tender flesh of her skull.

"What?" James asked at a normal volume continuing his careful assessment of the dead end. Thankfully, he hadn't heard brash whisper.

"I said- 'How do we get out of here?'" Lily lied in a clear voice. She still couldn't stand up, but at least she'd dragged her body to prop against the cold wall.

"I don't think it opens back up this way." He gave the wall one last look before turning his speculative gaze down the passage that stretched away from them into the unknown. "We'll have to follow it this way. You don't happen to have your wand on you, do you?"

She glanced down at her body, indignant at his question. Her crooked skirt, unbuttoned blouse, and exposed lace bra were the only things that covered her. "Unless I've got an awfully creative hiding place in my knickers then obviously not."

His hazel eyes narrowed, but his mouth twitched in amusement.

To defend James from the chill in the desolate passageway, he had retained his entire Quidditch practice uniform which was made to keep the players comfortable. Unfortunately the outfit was made for optimum flying and didn't feature a wand holster. "I haven't got mine either."

She didn't like where this was going. Her body ached all over and she wasn't totally convinced she didn't have a head injury.

"We're going to have to follow the passage and hope it ends somewhere in the castle." James told her the thing she'd been dreading to hear.

"Oh and where else would it take us- the Great Lake or maybe The Three Broomsticks?" She demanded sarcastically still trying to clear her jolted brain.

He laughed unexpectedly. "You'd be surprised. There are passages all over Hogwarts."

Any other night and she would have questioned his observation further. James had already proven his willingness to share Marauders' secrets with her, but there were more serious things to worry about at the moment.

Lily really didn't believe that she could even walk and definitely not for an undisclosed distance. It would be terrible to have to admit her weakness to him though.

"We could just wait it out." She suggested hopefully.

He made a face at the proposition. Obviously he didn't have the patience for it.

Lily's mind raced for another solution before landing on one that could help both of her current issues. "We could always pick up where we left off…"

He scoffed and she tried to make herself look appealing as she sat on the ground beneath him. "Because that would be really special- shagging like rabbits on the dirty floor."

"And?" She demanded glaring up at him. "Since when do you need special? Don't tell me you are secretly a romantic?"

"You caught me." He threw his hands up in mock surrender. "It must have been all those romance stories my mum used to read me."

Lily scrunched her nose with irritated disbelief. "Oh, really? Was it Romeo and Juliet that turned you or are you more of an Austen man?"

"What's that rubbish?" He laughed off her accusing tone. "Mum's favorite was always Beauty and the Hippogriff, but I much preferred Love and Broomsticks."

Lily stare at him a beat to make sure he wasn't taking the mickey. "Your generation makes so much more sense now."

With a slightly confused smile he laughed at the comment before shoving his hand at her. "Now quit stalling, Evans. Don't worry. I won't let you fall."

Once again she had proven how completely transparent she was to him. With a regretful sigh she took his offered assistance and allowed him to do most of the work pulling her onto unsteady legs.

"You should have said you were hurt." He scolded, ruining whatever nice moment lingered.

She shrugged off his helpful arm and pushed forward on her own. "I'm fine."

On wobbly legs she made it halfway to the dim torch in the distance before her dizziness caught up with her and she had to place a steadying hand on the wall.

He laughed unperturbed by her annoyance. "Sure, Evans."

Lily had no choice, but to let him assist her progress. She didn't like it though.

They walked down the sloping passage at a slow pace that James never once complained about. The Head Boy and Girl traded light conversation until they finally came to a stone wall exactly like the one at the other end of the passage. The only difference was the hanging portrait of fruit that hung eyelevel with the couple. It was an exact replica of the one Lily passed everyday coming to and from the Head Suites.

James threw his head back and laughed, somehow finding humor in their predicament.

"This is terrible. We're stuck without the password!" She groaned.

"Tickle the pear, Evans." He responded simply.

"Excuse me?" She snapped. 'Tickle the pear' sounded like something dirty and the time for shagging had long passed.

He chuckled at her scandalized face before reaching his finger to the painting and tickling a squirming pear. As he opened the passage with the door knob that appeared, Lily stepped into the busy world of the house elves for the first time. "Where are we?"

Of course, a Marauder would know. "Welcome to the kitchens of Hogwarts."

Lily was glad she'd taken the time to right her clothes as they walked. Otherwise the tiny creatures that serviced the school would be getting an eyeful right now.

Once they'd assured the army of house elves that they were well fed and didn't need any snacks, the Head Students finally exited the kitchens through the other entrance and made the journey back to their room.

Back in their room, Lily approached the bookcase with caution as if it might suddenly spin and trap her back in the secret passage. A section of books had been dragged out and littered the floor, but one book remained standing with holes on either side.

"It's the muggle cookbook." Lily noted dryly. "As long as we don't have the sudden urge to whip up some stew without our wands we should be alright."

James didn't reply as he started restocking the fallen books into their proper place. She huffed in exasperation and grabbed him by the sleeve pulling him behind her.

He could have easily halted her movements, but instead he simply slowed down their pace to stare down at her curiously. "What are you doing?"

"You." She responded using more strength to pull him towards her room. "It's been a long day and at this point you really don't have an option. We're shagging."

He laughed at her brashness all the way to her room.

Lily shut the door behind them.

October was drawing to a close and looking back it seemed to be a blur of Death Eater news and shagging James.

The Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff match had been postponed after the Hufflepuff's Captain's family had been attacked. The Daily Prophet had done a whole spread on Harland Simmons' daring rescue of the family. The article by Camille Collins had alluded to rather serious injuries that plagued the famous Auror and Lily had nearly come unglued with worry.

A day later she had received assurances that Baker was fine in the form of a letter.

Whiskey,

Quit worrying. I'm fine. If that reporter, Camille Collins, wasn't so damn shaggable I'd be irked with her first year writing skills. My mum and dad nearly stormed St. Mungos in their panic. The embellishment of my injuries might have been good for paper sales, but it was terrible for my hearing. That's right- I received not one, not two, but three raging Howlers from family members berating me for my lack of safety.

I'm not going to lie to you, Whiskey. Things are getting bad out here. Don't bother to be concerned for my safety though. The ministry wouldn't dare let anything happen to 'the face of the Auror's.' It's quite irritating actually. I have no idea how I became the figurehead for all that is good and right, but the only thing it has improved so far is my ego.

Did you know there is a charming group of young ladies at Hogwarts who send me daily letters? I was rather disappointed that you weren't listed as a club member.

My partner, Claribell, get's a real kick out of it. She likes to memorize certain poufy lines and recite them in front of the other Aurors. It really has a way of undermining my authority. In fact, you'd really like her. She might be the only person who enjoys taking the mickey out of me more than you.

I don't know if I'll be able to get free for Christmas, but I'm going to do my damndest.

Miss you,

The sexy bloke you dream about every night… Baker

She didn't know why hearing him admit the severity of the situation made her stomach sink. It wasn't like she didn't know, but Baker was the most easy going bloke she knew. If he was admitting that the rebellion was spiraling then it must be more severe than even she had suspected.

The other portion of her October featuring the handsome Quidditch Captain had taken a new turn recently. Ever since the night they'd found the secret passage to the kitchens, they had not only been shagging more but also conversing more as well. Little bits of his personality would slip through as they spent more time together.

It didn't make her life any easier though.

All it did was tempt her down dangerous roads of thought that shook her fragile existence.

She was daring the glass to break. James was becoming a real person to her. A person she actually liked and could possibly be real friends with.

But there wasn't room for in their arrangement for 'like' or 'friendship.' It made things messy and with added emotions came 'guilt' and 'hurt.' She wasn't interested in 'guilt' and 'hurt.' So for the time being Lily refused to admit that things were changing.

It was just a good shag and then afterwards it never happened.

The Quidditch match was moved to the Saturday before Halloween and Lily sat with Callum as agreed. It was a passionate game. Hufflepuff was a force to be reckoned with, driven by the return of their captain and in the end their spirit was just too much to overcome. Gryffindor lost the match and the players lowered to the ground with dejected faces.

James looked absolutely devastated. From the stands Lily watched as he tossed his broom to Sirius and headed back to the castle alone. Apparently the camaraderie of the locker room was too much for him to deal with at the moment.

"Did you hear me, Lily?" Callum asked.

She'd been lost in thought and trying to fight off worry for her fellow Head Student. Immediately after he'd called out her distraction, she redirected her focus and smiled cheerfully. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I'd be a bit upset if my house team lost too." He placed a comforting hand on her arm as they made their way out of the stands. "A bunch of seventh years are throwing a party down by the lake. Professor Dumbledore approved it and everything."

Lily knew all about the 'morale building' gathering that Honor had taken over her head and straight to the Headmaster. It was actually supposed to be fun though and Lily had been looking forward to it all week. Also Honor's increased popularity meant that the Ravenclaw had less time to scheme ways to make Lily's life hell.

Lily and Callum headed with a bulk of other students towards the designated area. The game had started early in the morning and the sun was only beginning to sink now. Students of all houses laughed and danced, while others hung around erected tables surrounding the dance floor. Honor really had done a great job and Lily made a mental note to tell her so.

The party had all the promise of a good night…and yet she couldn't make herself want to be here.

"Actually," Lily stopped suddenly. Callum followed her example and students poured around their sides. "I don't think I'm feeling up to it. I've got mountains of work that I should be doing and I'd only be distracted if I stayed."

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked and she could tell that he sincerely meant the offer.

"No, go have fun. Seriously." She assured him with her words and easy smile.

He let her go.

Lily entered the suite and immediately went to knock on James' closed door. When he didn't answer she cut through her room and knocked on their shared bathroom door.

"James?" She called through the door.

She heard a splash of water and then a gruff response. "What?"

The mental image of James sulking in a bubble bath made her fight off a giggle. She wondered if he had a rubber ducky in there, but then remembered that wizards weren't familiar with the practice. It only made her giggle harder.

"Are you okay?" She asked once she'd gotten control of her stifled laughter. James definitely wouldn't react well to that.

"No." He replied petulantly.

She wiggled the door handle and predictably found it sealed. "Can I come in?"

"Leave me alone." She could practically hear the pout in his words.

Ignoring him, Lily went back to James' room and found his bedroom unlocked. If he had really wanted to keep her out he would have sealed both doors. His bathroom door was still nothing but a hole from when he had blasted it apart to save her.

"What are you doing?" He asked unsurprised by her entrance.

Just as she had suspected the Head Boy was encased in their rather large bath with bubbles tickling his chin.

"Making you feel better." She answered simply.

He grunted. "Unlikely."

She met his challenge with a smirk and defiantly began removing her clothes. He watched her curiously, but didn't shake free of his grumpy mood.

Fighting off a shiver, Lily quickly immersed her naked body into the hot water with him. "Move over."

He did as she asked with a huff until she was settled against the back of the tub and he was reclined into her chest.

In their silence Lily ran her soft hands along the muscles of his arms. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He made a pained noise. Obviously, not.

They were quiet for a long time as Lily stroked his hair and peppered his shoulders with kisses.

"Why are you here?" He asked suddenly. The answer he wanted wasn't the one she'd already given.

They were breaking the rules now. Again she tested the glass that supported her dangerous game.

Lily paused for a long time trying to think of the right answer before deciding on the truth. "I don't know."

With aid of their slicked skin he glided her around so that she was straddling his lap. His fingers messaged her center beneath the water. Feeling the intense pleasure, her fingers dug into his shoulders as she braced body against him. She used nonsensical words to urge him on and just before she came he grabbed her hips and thrust his hard member into her.

"Fuck." She cried seeing literal stars of bliss.

His tight hold on her hips allowed him to pound into her again and again as she went limp against him. His anger and frustration poured out as he finished roughly.

Afterwards they lingered in the warm water, recovering. Touching felt too intimate so Lily moved across from him with her feet propped up on the side of the bath beside his head.

"Hey, Lily." He cleared his throat uncomfortably, breaking the silence. "Do you remember that-…er first night on the pitch?"

She raised an eyebrow at his curious question.

"I just…" Again he cleared his throat. He was having a real problem getting out whatever it was he wanted to say. "I was just wondering…Was that-…I mean… You were a virgin, weren't you?"

Once the question had left his lips he relaxed liked he'd expelled something toxic and focused on her face. It was Lily who became uncomfortable. Her body tensed, cheeks flooded, and she couldn't manage to meet his eyes. He'd released the poison into the air and she'd been the one infected.

When she didn't respond he spoke again. "I didn't know…I had always thought that you and Sirius had…"

Lily shook her head quickly with her eyes glued to the disappearing bubbles in front of her. It was beyond mortifying. He was doing everything but admitting how much her inexperience showed. Was she bad at it? Could you be bad at it? Her mind raced with a million things she'd never thought of-

"Me too." His voice sliced the air with a clean cut meaning that didn't leave room for misunderstanding.

James changed the subject after the exchange and later when their fingers were pruned they separated in fluffy towels to their different rooms.

The following Monday was Halloween. It was a day that Lily had never enjoyed. Even as a child she preferred to ignore the festivities. The day made her feel cold. It felt like death, ominous and looming. With her bad attitude it didn't take much to ruin her day. All it took was a sour look from Honor at breakfast and a scolding on her technique from Professor Crouch, to put Lily in a truly foul mood by Potions.

Evie was on a mission to test her patience and Lily had to start the process over twice while taking deep calming breaths with her jaw locked. If she said anything at all it would be rude and unfair to Evie who didn't deserve her short temper.

On the third try of Abscido Acerbus, the potion they were brewing, Lily left Evie with a detailed list of instructions while she went to restock their supplies.

The third time was the charm and Lily breathed a sigh relief. The color was hot pink instead of a pale peach, but Professor Slughorn nodded at them encouragingly. Apparently he had lowered his standards for Lily's Potions' work with her new partner.

"Now the best part!" Slughorn clapped excitedly. "One person from each couple will be treated to Abscido Acerbus, or as it has been nicknamed the 'good mood' potion. It'll be the true test of how successful your skills are."

"You should do it, Lovely." Evie insisted proudly. "If anyone deserves a good day it's you."

Lily returned her smile weakly. Evie was honestly trying to do something nice, but the Head Girl eyed the distorted potion wearily.

"Cheers everyone!" Slughorn commanded and Lily along with all the other chosen partners tipped the vial back. "Tomorrow we'll go over everyone's experiences. Be sure to keep a tight record on the side effects and mood levels."

The class was dismissed and Lily felt strangely light leaving with Evie. She smiled happily at her blonde friend. It was hard to believe that she was worried about taking the potion. It was wonderful!

Except that standing in the corridor Lily felt the overwhelming desire to kiss her friend in a more than platonic way. And even more troubling was the fact that she was having a harder and harder time remembering why it would be a bad idea to make a move on the beautiful girl.

"See look how happy you are, Lovely!" Evie bounced as Lily focused on her soft lips. "I knew that substituting Horn Frog scales for the Gillyweed extract would provide a thicker potency level."

And suddenly it all made sense… But instead of being worried about the adverse reaction she was having to the apparently tampered potion, Lily couldn't suppress the deep need she had for physical contact.

It took all her will to pull away from Evie's touch, but once she did she sprinted away with her head down.

It was deeply disturbing to feel such intense lust for another female. Actually it was disturbing to feel such a deep level of longing for anyone when she wasn't fooling around with them.

What was even scarier was that the lust was building and getting stronger. It was making it hard to think straight. Lily doubled her pace. She was still aware enough to realize it was necessary to at least get somewhere private.

A body bumped into her sending tingles of electricity through every limb. With vague recognition of his black hair in the back of her mind, Lily reached out to feel skin. She needed to touch… But once she touched, she needed more. She needed to kiss.

"Lily…" He whispered letting out pent up desire as she leaned into him.

But the voice was wrong and even in a lust driven state she could recognize that this something she didn't want to be doing.

It was Snape for Merlin's sake!

With a hasty jerk, she fled before their lips could make contact. She sprinted, but realized too late that she had been redirected after the collision and was now headed in the opposite direction of the Head Suite.

She spotted James disappearing into the library and hurried down the corridor to catch him. He was the only person she was safe to be around right now. There was even a chance he wouldn't notice a change. It seemed she was always forcing herself on him anyways.

"Lily!" Someone called in sync with a hand that whipped her around to face him.

She barely recognized Callum before her lips made contact with his in a desperate kiss. After a stunned moment he returned her enthusiasm. Lily couldn't even focus on the kiss as his hands made contact with her waist, sending vibrations through her entire body. She needed more.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." He pulled away from her gasping for breath after their lengthy kiss. "What brought this-."

But it took her last ounce of strength to run away from him once he had freed her from his grasp. She entered the library and immediately zoned in on James seated at a table near the front. Through tunnel vision she grabbed James' sleeve and with unknown strength she pulled him away as she fled the dusty library.

She only made it down a corridor before shoving him into a classroom.

"What the hell is your problem, Evans?" He exclaimed the second before she threw her body at his, wrapping long legs around his waist and arms locked on his shoulders.

Her weight, although slight, was enough to propel him backwards into an old desk.

"...Lust potion." Her brain managed to force out, but it was the only control over body she could manage. "Please…"

He stared at her with new perspective and even though she couldn't stop her yanking hands and hopeless lips, she was thankful that he knew her well enough to understand that something was wrong.

He was frozen and unresponsive as he deliberated how to handle the situation. She rained kisses down his neck and ripped through two buttons on his shirt. With a bruising grip he yanked her back and stared into her eyes.

She poured every ounce of desperation into her voice. "Please."

Not even emotionless James Potter could turn down her obvious need. Against an old creaking desk, he shagged the sense back into her brain and satisfied the dizzying lust. The rough manner left bruises against her hips and legs, but she wasn't going to complain. It was bloody fantastic.

Lily remained sprawled on the wooden surface as James quickly moved away from her and pulled his pants back into place.

"Evie accidentally dosed me with lust potion." She told him trying to fully explain her behavior.

He turned his back on her as if he couldn't bear to the sight of her. "And how exactly am I supposed to explain that to Sirius? I don't think he'd quite understand why his ex-girlfriend would run to me when she got randy."

She wheezed painfully at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. Out of all the lines they didn't cross and all the things they didn't discuss, Sirius was number one on that list. "I didn't have control. You act like I did it on purpose… Oh Merlin, Sirius was in the library? I can barely remember anything."

His laugh was an ugly cousin to the healthy noise that usually accompanied his amusement. "No, he wasn't there and don't worry. You're little episode probably came off as more infuriated than horny… But that's not the point. What if he had, Lily?"

She waited without breathing. He was forcing them into unspoken territory. There was a dangerous line that they wouldn't be able to come back from.

"I-…I just don't-." He struggled with his words and stopped short of completing his sentence.

For once it was a relief to see him disappear from the room. She was sure she didn't want to hear the rest of his statement anymore than he wanted to say it.

More than anything she wanted to forget the rest of the day and hide in her dorm, but Head Girls weren't allowed to have off days.

As insane as the lust had been it went relatively unnoticed. She waited fifteen minutes before leaving the abandoned classroom and reentering the student population just to make sure all the potion was out of her system. If anyone had seen her they most likely wrote off her behavior as stress or anger. There were two giant exceptions to this: Snape and Callum. She'd nearly dry humped them in the corridor. Facing either one of them seemed traumatizing.

It was a truly successful mission until the Slug Club party that night.

Lily had left a grumpy looking James alone in their room on her way out without a word. Words were too dangerous between them lately. Any wrong phrase was likely to detonate an explosion of epic proportions.

Fall colors of oranges and browns warmed Lily's mood slightly as she entered the Slug Club party. A surprisingly classy array of fabrics and decorations hung throughout the room. Slughorn must have stepped up his game for the possible arrival of Warner Langford.

Distracted by the transformation of the room she ran right into a hard immobile body.

"Severus." She gasped, surprised.

He jerked away from her like she was contagious. "Don't touch me."

And he was gone, leaving her shocked and horrified with her arms stiff at her sides. His reaction was a sharp stab at an old wound. It was unimaginable the difference seven years had made between them and as many times as he proved to her that he wasn't that little boy anymore, sometimes the magnitude of the change still took her breath away.

There was a lull in crowd noise as the surrounding people stopped to watch the exchange and Lily's face was painted scarlet in embarrassment. Dejected from her truly horrible day the Head Girl slunk off to the corner where she could be miserable in peace. Her potent mood warded off unwanted small talk. She was here for one reason and that was to appease Professor Slughorn, but after that she was going to burrow into her bed and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist.

"You don't look like a girl who spends many parties alone in the corner." She had been so confident that no one would approach her that she didn't even notice an older man come to stand beside her.

Other than his sleek yet simple robe, the man could have passed for a middle aged business man who spent his days in the tall skyscrapers in muggle London.

"And you look a little too old to be hanging around Hogwarts' parties." It wouldn't have been her response any other day, but she'd run out of patience and charm hours ago.

His laugh was loud and unattractive, but sincere. "You've got me there… I didn't catch your name."

She told him and he nodded thoughtfully but didn't offer his own. "What is it that you want to do in the wizarding world, Lily? Have big dreams of being heroic and joining the Aurors like the rest of your overachieving peers?"

"Not in the least." She gave him a cheeky smile before finishing her drink. "I might be the most unmotivated Head Girl in the history of Hogwarts… And if I'm being honest the life of an Auror doesn't hold much appeal to me."

A strange glint in his eye distracted Lily from his large genuine smile. "An interesting observation... Well, this old man has got to be going. It was….charming, Ms. Evans."

She'd just lost sight of the strange man when Callum filled the empty space he'd left behind. "How come I'm not surprised?"

At the sight of the boy she'd thrown herself at earlier in the day, Lily's face was licked again by her flaming blush. Her voice was unusually high when she replied quickly. "By what?"

"Every student here has been vying for the attention of Warner Langford all night and he actually seeks you out for company." Callum shook his head, amused.

Lily's eyes drew wide with horror as her hand shot to cover her gaping mouth. "That was Warner Langford- the Head of the Auror Department?"

Callum confirmed his identity and all Lily could think about was how offensive she'd been. She should have known. If it wasn't bad enough that she'd burned a possible bridge with someone with real connections, there was the realization that Langford would surely report back her behavior to Slughorn. Her days of floating through Potions were done. Slughorn might never forgive her.

Lily groaned and dropped her head into her palms.

"Er…About what happened earlier?" Callum began.

Honestly, this day was just wonderful. She was stuck, unsure of what to say or how to explain why she'd kissed him. "…I wasn't really feeling like myself… It's kind of complicated."

He chewed worriedly at his bottom lip as if trying to figure out a difficult problem. "So… friends?"

Lily mustered up her most reassuring smile, but even that fell flat as she nodded.

The rest of her evening with Callum was so awkward and uncomfortable that Lily began to doubt that their friendship could survive at all.

The party dispersed and with heavy legs she dragged back to the Head Suite. How could she have possibly done so much damage in one day? Halloween would remain her least favorite holiday.

At least it was over now.

The beating music that met her just beyond the Truth Mirror was her first clue of the raucous party being thrown.

Was this night ever going to end?

Bodies converged on her as she wiggled through the small spaces that weren't crowded with teenagers.

She tried to calm down. This didn't mean her plans had to change at all. She could still climb into bed and with a little help from a sealing and silencing charm be completely unaffected by the party.

"I wouldn't go in there if I was you." A slurred voice stopped Lily just before she pushed her door open. "I just saw a couple go in there and they looked awfully cozy."

Disgusted and furious, Lily tried her door anyways only to find it locked. She'd never fully understood the saying 'seeing red' until this moment. "Where's Potter?"

The drunk girl swung her arm wide and in the process of pointing the Head Boy out, spilled her drink down Lily's wrinkled blouse. Jolted by the icy liquid seeping out down her chest, Lily was filled even further with rage as she stared at James and Sirius with their arms thrown around the other's shoulders.

She couldn't very well approach him now- not while he was with Sirius.

The problem with rage was how quickly it passed. It was like a furious tornado that ripped through her emotions only to leave the debris of sadness in its wake. Her pride was the only thing that kept her from bursting into tears, but even that had its limits and she quickly darted out of the crowded common room and into the private courtyard.

Either people hadn't realized the courtyard was there or preferred to stay in the socializing center, but it was empty except for a hunched figure seated on the fountain.

"Evening, Evans." Piper's voice was a weak mockery of her usual authoritative tone. It was the first time Lily had ever seen the Hufflepuff's posture be anything less than pristine.

It only stunted her momentarily before her nurturing instinct took over. She'd have to be careful though. People like Piper didn't take weakness well. "Are you alright?"

"I suppose it would depend on your definition." Piper answered with only the smallest quirk of emotion.

Lily was silent as she cautiously took the seat beside her fellow seventh year on the stone ledge. She tried to choose her words carefully. "…I was very sorry to hear about Sprout."

"Why? It was clearly for the best." Piper said, but she struggled with the polite air. There was the slightest indication of bitterness and an even more hidden glimpse of sadness. "Hester is fragile. She's far better off with her family abroad."

It was the first time Lily ever considered that maybe it wasn't Hester who needed Piper, but instead the other way around. Piper didn't have anyone else beside the scarred girl. She was all alone now.

"Why isn't Potter out here?" Lily asked as she remembered that in fact- Piper wasn't all alone. She had James. It filled Lily with such a strong cocktail of emotions that no one stood stouter than the others.

"I want to be alone." This time Piper perfectly captured her signature proper yet insulting voice.

Lily's empathy only went so far and she stood stiffly to give Piper exactly what she wanted. She was nearly to the door when Piper stopped her with the same unsure voice she'd started with. "Wait-."

Two halves battled for dominance. It was easy to listen to the strong voice reminding Lily of what Piper's lips on James had looked like and she took a step towards the door with every intention of leaving her alone.

It was as far as she got though. Piper was in pain and whether she deserved Lily's comfort or not didn't matter one bit. In the end Lily was a good person and while there was a time to stand up for yourself, this was a time sympathy.

She sat with Piper in the courtyard for as long as the party dragged on. Most of the time they were silent and when Piper did speak, Lily was repeatedly stricken with the wish that she hadn't, but there were moments in their solitude when it became apparent just how much Piper needed someone. She just needed someone to be there for her and at least for the night Lily could do that.

By the time Piper left with nothing more significant than a stern nod, the Head Suite was deceptively empty. The trash and bitter smell of firewhiskey lingered in the air, but the party's orchestrator was nowhere in sight.

Lily stood stationary surrounded by the debris struck by how similar the outward appearance mimicked how she felt on the inside. Exhausted, she couldn't muster up even the smallest amount of anger.

Kicking a path through cups and streamers, Lily carefully entered her room. There was only one person occupying her bed, but thankfully it wasn't a leftover guest.

"Hello." She said stopping in the doorway.

James sat up straighter and jostled Snitch who had been cuddled in his lap. The growing kitten hissed at the both of them before swaggering out of the room through their conjoining bathroom. The Head Boy was dressed in comfortable pants and a ragged looking shirt that had seen better days. It was a different outfit than she'd seen him in earlier with Sirius meaning that he'd been done with the party for awhile.

"Hi." He greeted staring across the room at her.

Again they crept on uncharted territory. It certainly hadn't been the first time that they argued, but it was the first time that it seemed they couldn't ignore it.

Weeks ago she would have dismissed his gaze as emotionless, but now she could see the question that lay beneath the surface. He was just as lost as she was.

But talking wasn't an option and the more they broke their unspoken rules, the more the situation slipped from their control.

With stiff effort she made her way to the bed dropping her clothes as she went until she was sitting beside him in nothing but her knickers and camisole. It was odd that she felt more comfortable with him this way. It was as if her lack of clothing gave them a purpose and added sense to their spiraling reality.

"I didn't know you were here." He said and as always there were a million things his statement didn't say. She could often decipher more of his meaning by focusing on that.

He was saying he wasn't going to apologize for the party, but wished it hadn't been such a surprise.

"I was in the courtyard." With Piper, but she didn't add that. For some reason she didn't want to involve the Hufflepuff. This was a place she didn't belong.

James relaxed slightly into her plethora of pillows. "It's too bad you didn't join. Christos Savales was looking for you all night."

He was testing for a reaction, but Lily didn't offer one, remaining silent.

"I suppose it's just one more suitor to add to your list." He spoke with an air of carelessness.

There were far too many things he was saying with that statement and she chose to only accept his words that were said out loud.

She leaned over and kissed him because there was no response to give. The slightest itch of stubble tickled her face as he drew her closer and his hands rested without tension on her arms. It was a strange contradiction to their norm and Lily pulled away uncomfortable.

He ignored her less than positive reaction and surrounded them in darkness with a wave of his wand. It took full uncertain moments before he reached out to her through the blackness, but she found her body frozen and unresponsive to his touch.

With one last caress he sank away from her, believing her asleep and Lily waited impatiently for him to slip back to his room.

The only thing that broke the silence was his heavy breathing, signaling it was him who had found sleep.

The Head Girl was stuck, uncomfortable and tense, as she lay awake for unforgiving hours.

Something had irrevocably shifted.

It was like watching a few pebbles trigger an avalanche that was destined to destroy lives and alter history. Only she'd realized it too late and it was already in motion.

There was nothing she could do to stop it. It wasn't like she would have the self restraint to deny herself the flames James gave her anyways.

It wasn't love that grew between them. It was an indescribable intimacy. It was a web of caring that whisked back and forth, connecting them like a desperate spider trying to create a home.

She didn't know what it was, but it was too late to stop it. More than anything it left a radiating ball of tension deep in her gut as she was forced to watch helplessly as pebbles turned to rocks that would soon become boulders.

A peaceful week and a half passed and the only thing that broke up the monotony came with muggle post from Petunia.

Lily,

Vernon and I have purchased a home in London. Our time in Sweden was cut short and we both look forward to being back with proper citizens of the United Kingdom. I realize that your school has holiday and if you require a place to stay for a short time, Vernon has graciously allowed you a room for emergencies. I hope you are well.

Petunia Dursley

There really wasn't anything to say about that.

Professor Slughorn had invited her to join an extra Potions' session on November eleventh and Lily accepted the request for an early Friday morning with dread.

She'd been able to avoid any one-on-one time with her Potions' Professor ever since her feisty encounter with the Head of the Auror Department, Warner Langford.

"I'm glad you could make it on such short notice." Slughorn greeted her with rosy cheeks and elated eyes.

He was positively radiant.

"Morning, Professor." She couldn't help but return his smile. That level of potent happiness was contagious. "It was no problem at all and as always I'm happy to help… Especially considering my less than impressive Potions' work as of late."

"Completely understandable, my dear." He patted her graciously. "If anything I admire your loyalty to Ms. Lowlsey. You're a good friend to trade such a talent like Mr. Rooney to help your fellow Gryffindor."

Lily mustered a weak smile feeling guilty for regretting the decision several times over, especially after the whole "lust potion" incident. It had never occurred to her that Slughorn would take notice or consideration of her change of partners. "I had worried that you might be disappointed in my work this year."

Sincere affection temporarily replaced his bursting happiness and he patted her shoulder again. "If anything I fault the stressful circumstances for robbing such a gifted witch of her true potential. Your talent is undeniable and you are as lovely a person as I've ever met."

It was the first time that Lily took real enjoyment of the term "lovely." For once it wasn't in reference to her looks, but instead her spirit. A silly well of tears lingered in her eyes, but she suppressed it easily, used to denying such indulgences.

The professor continued his speech with a growing voice that echoed off every wall in the dungeon. "I knew that if anyone could impress Warner Langford it would be you…"

Lily cut him off unable to accept such undeserved praise. "I'm sorry about that, professor. I should have never been so cheeky. I didn't even realize who Langford was until he had left and it was too late for me to apologize."

The Potions' master bellowed with laughter, leaving Lily more perplexed than ever. "Whatever cheek you showed him, it was thoroughly welcomed. He Owled me the same night asking me how I thought you would do in training…. I'd like to add that you were the only student he even mentioned."

The redhead stood stunned and unsure of how she felt about the development. It was easy to dismiss the Auror profession when it was only words and a long shot that she'd even been considered, but if there was a real chance that they might want her, she didn't know how she could say no.

"If I remember correctly," Slughorn continued happy to fill up her end of the conversation. "His exact wording was 'the Auror's could use a few like her. She'd be a breath of fresh air with all the brownnosers stinking up the place.'"

A surprise laugh escaped her, but she remained stunned beyond words. At least her truly horrible Halloween day had been good for something. She might have been brownnosing with the rest of them if she'd been in a normal mood.

"Now the reason I've asked you here." He rubbed his belly as his face easily transition back to ecstatic. "Today is the day."

She followed him curiously over to a cauldron filled with dazzling gold potion. It was Felix Felicis and she immediately understood his mood. Slughorn was about to have one lucky day.

"As a fellow appreciator of the mysteries and wonders of Potions, I thought you might like to be here for this." Professor Slughorn was already filling up a flask as the rattled through words thoughtlessly. "Also for safeties sake, it's best not to ingest a potion alone, but don't worry it's only precautionary."

With a bit of envy Lily watched as her professor stared into the substance reverently. A million different scenarios waited to gift him with one excellent day. He took a long whiff of the gold liquid before downing it in one gulp. With a little luck anything was possible.

He paused letting it settle in his gut and then with a strange alert glint snapped into action. "I think I'll start my holiday early."

"Excuse me, sir?" She asked confused by his sudden declaration. Was this a sign that something had gone wrong? Should she get help?

"I've just been stricken with the desire to take a trip to the Caribbean that I've been putting off for years." And just like that he had summoned his magically filled trunk. Distractedly he shoved a few more pieces of equipment into the pile before sealing it shut.

She didn't know what to do. Her brain rushed for answer. "Are you sure, professor? Is this how the potion is supposed to work?"

"I'd say so." Slughorn added a straw hat to his ensemble and headed towards the door with little notice of his star pupil. "My gut is telling me that it's time for my holiday to begin and my intuition will take me to the luck… Good day, Lovely Lily."

He was gone leaving her more confused than ever. She ran through options. At the least it wouldn't hurt to let the Headmaster know that the Potions' teacher had left school grounds. She walked slowly, listening to the click of her shoes and trying to work through anything else that the Head Girl should be doing during the current dilemma.

Nervously, she meandered in front of the gargoyle for a few extra minutes. It wasn't that she was scared of Dumbledore. She just didn't want him to think that she was couldn't handle a miniscule issue alone or maybe it didn't even matter that Slughorn was gone.

Headmaster Dumbledore probably already knew that Slughorn had left early. Lily had just begun to retreat when James rushed around the corner.

"Have they told you what's going on?" James was flushed like he'd just played a game of Quidditch, but he was in his normal school robes.

"About Slughorn?" Lily wondered how the word had spread so quickly. The gossips were getting quite impressive.

"What's wrong with Professor Slughorn?" James' furrowed brow arched even further. "Did he already join the fight?"

"What are you talking about? What fight? James, what's going on?" A panic immediately set her heart galloping savagely forward.

Realizing that she couldn't offer him any answers, James pushed past her, spitting the password out as he bolted into the stairway leading up to the Headmaster's Office. She raced after him.

He stopped just outside the closed door and the Head Boy silenced her with a look. They listened to the muffled, but understandable, voices that rushed out words in the office.

"There are hundreds of them. How did their numbers grow so large without our knowledge?" Professor McGonagall nearly demanded.

Dumbledore spoke with authority, cutting off whoever attempted to answer the Transfiguration professor. "The Aurors are arriving, but they need more numbers. Have you contacted all of the professors?"

"Everyone is assembling." The Herbology professor answered. "Only Professor Crouch and Slughorn are unaccounted for…"

At the mention of Professor Slughorn, James cut his eyes suspiciously to Lily remembering she'd already asked about him.

"You don't think Horace…?" McGonagall asked. Her horror was clear even through the wooden door.

"Professor Slughorn left for holiday early." The Headmaster cleared the Potions' Master's name with a sentence.

Professor Crouch's absence remained unnoted.

Without warning the door hiding their eavesdropping opened, revealing them to the professors.

"Excellent." Headmaster Dumbledore smiled as if the Head Students were supposed to be lurking outside his office. "The Head Boy and Girl are here. Quite impressive since they hadn't even been called."

"What can we do, Headmaster?" James asked earnestly.

Deep irritation was building as Lily's curiosity went unsatisfied. What the hell was going on?

"Your place is with the students in the Great Hall." Dumbledore said resolutely. "The greatest comfort you can offer is simply your presence."

James opened his mouth to rebut, but the Headmaster motioned for the other three professors to follow him and they blew past the Head Students without another word.

"What the bloody hell is going on, James?" Lily asked the silent room frantically.

He'd been frozen, but the sound of her voice seemed to jolt him. Only a minute after the professors, James fled the office at a sprint. Once again Lily was left to chase after him. Quickly she realized that they weren't heading towards the Great Hall, but she kept after him.

After a few corridors Lily gave up shouting at his back and focused on keeping up with his long strides.

Finally after what felt like running through the entire castle, James stopped in a random hallway. Except she could see that a portrait was opened and waiting on him. She doubled her speed realizing he was about to disappear into the shadows of a passage, leaving her answerless.

"James, please." She rasped out as her lungs burned, furious at the abuse. "What's going on? "

She was still several strides away, but she caught a glimpse of Sirius waiting in the darkness.

A moment of hesitation flashed across the Head Boy's face as he began to shut the portrait behind him.

"No, James!" She cried knowing she'd never reach them in time.

Her desperation finally sparked him and staring into her eyes through the crack of the portrait he finally answered. "It's the Death Eaters. They've attacked Hogsmeade and we're outnumbered. They need all the help they can get."

With little more than a click the portrait reclaimed its normal wall space as if nothing at all had just transpired. Frustrated, she clawed at the painting, begging it to open once again.

Those idiots were going to get themselves killed! And the realization how true that statement could be welled inside of her until her horrible dry cry nearly made her double over.

A year ago she would have collapsed with grief. The pathetic girl wouldn't have had the strength to get up again. The old Lily would have curled into a ball until it was over because she was the girl who knew everything of love and had no concept of hate or its reckless acts.

But she wasn't that girl anymore and with steady feet she sprinted back to the Great Hall. It was Dumbledore's order and the only thing she could do…

Because one thing was certain- the Death Eater's Rebellion wouldn't be disguised as such anymore.

The war had begun and it was knocking on their front door.

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Author: I couldn't believe how many people took the time to answer my questions. It was honestly a great help, especially when it came to perceptions. If I know how you guys feel about certain things it helps me write a better story and correct misconceptions. If you've got any time I'd love for you to answer a few questions about this chapter, but as always no pressure. Anything at all you want to share with me, I'm happy to hear.

One. I'm not a big cliff hanger person and this is the first of Love and Other Tragedies. Does it do the job of keeping you wanting more?

Two. Did you enjoy the 'in between' moments with James and Lily? They are an extraordinarily backwards couple, but can you find the charm in the small things?

Three. What did you think of my potion creation- Abscido Acerbus? It's the first time I've ever made up my own and I know very little about Latin so I apologize if I've mutilated it in anyway. Abscido= cutaway/separate/take away, Acerbus= bitter/gloomy/dark.

Four. This is the longest chapter yet. Personally, if I'm reading a story update to update I prefer length as a way to immerse myself back into the storyline, especially with long periods between posts. However, if it's getting hard to read through a whole chapter or it drags, I can find a way to scale them down. It won't lead to faster updates, but the chapters would be more manageable.

Five. Has your opinion of Piper changed?

Six. How do you feel about Lily's actions throughout the chapter of balancing James and Callum? Or James balancing Lily and Piper? Does it make it okay since they are both doing it? Or does the situation remain innocent because no one is 'officially together'?

Seven. As Lily and James' relationship changes we are introduced to new facets between them. Is there a certain aspect that you prefer and/or think is the best? The feisty, the playful, the sweet, the sexy?

I don't know if anyone is interested, but I'm going to post some interesting "Behind the Scenes" facts about the story on my profile. If you enjoy them let me know. I can add a few with every update.