Love and Other Tragedies
Dedication: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a reviewer who not only meticulously reviews EVERY single chapter since the very beginning, but also takes the time to make sure I don't forget that there are people out there waiting for my next chapter…
So thank you BlueJeanMistress and I'm terribly sorry I couldn't provide an update on your birthday. Better late than never… and HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm not making any money.
Previously:
The Death Eaters attacked Hogsmeade and while James disobeyed Dumbledore to go help, Slughorn was lucky enough to leave Hogwarts all together thanks to Felix Felicis. Baker/Harland joined the elite Auror squad, the White Cloaks, and became the face of the Ministry's war against the Death Eaters. The Marauders used a secret passageway to sneak into Hogsmeade to help.
Piper Prescott's best mate got pulled out of Hogwarts and Lily begrudgingly offered comfort to the Hufflepuff, even though Lily isn't a fan of Piper's barely platonic relationship with James. Evie met an older bloke on holiday and can't seem to decide how she really feels about him. James and Lily are struggling to keep their 'no strings' affair from blurring the lines and rules that make their arrangement possible.
Honor Simmons is green with envy over Lily's life and Lily's association with Honor's brother Harland/Baker isn't helping the situation. Remus and Kat have something going on, but neither will bring it up to Lily and she can't admit that she was eavesdropping on their conversation. While Sirius kept Lily in the dark about everything to do with the Marauders, James is more than willing to share all kinds of secrets like the Marauders' Map and his Invisibility Cloak.
At the end of every year Lily has developed a secret tradition of going to the Great Hall to reflect on her year. James was forced to blast off his lavatory door when Lily fell asleep and almost drowned in the tub thanks to some leftover prophetic mess. Evie's not-so-charming habit of altering magic forced Lily to unknowing ingest lust potion and then almost kiss Snape before actually kissing Callum Palmer, who Lily balances just beyond a romantic interest. Christos Savales is the sixth year Gryffindor Prefect and Quidditch player who James has noticed taking an interest in the Head Girl lately.
Chapter Ten
All Good Things
Fourteen days had passed since the Battle of Hogsmeade.
For all the things that stayed the same, from the untouched village to the casualty less battle, so much more was irrevocable different now. It wasn't just at Hogwarts either. The Wizarding World was forever altered by the events that never came to pass that Friday morning fourteen days ago.
It wasn't about what happened. It was about how close the Death Eaters came to symbolically ripping out the heart of their world.
They'd come for the children, marching on Hogsmeade in wave after wave with Lord Voldemort at their peak. It wasn't as if they didn't know of the mysterious wizard who preached blood purity and raised an army to support him, but over time he'd come across as more of a puppet master than a participator. They would never make that mistake again.
Lily wasn't exactly sure how the events of November 11th transpired. With a strong face and shaking hands, she'd comforted the students of Hogwarts who huddled in groups throughout the Great Hall. Time lost its meaning and she couldn't have differentiated between minutes or hours as they waited to be killed or saved. Lily and the few professors who remained were the only ones who knew that though and the Head Girl had to assure more than one first year that canceling classes was simply a precaution.
A burst of magic flung open the Great Hall's doors and she didn't even have a chance to muster fear before Headmaster Dumbledore and an entourage of professors streamed into the welcoming room. Aurors followed them, taking structured positions at every point of the large hall.
Lily stood petrified waiting for the faces she craved to see more than anything else in the world.
If anything happened to them…. She couldn't even begin to contemplate the thought.
They were the Marauders. They were special. They were hers.
It was unimaginable that someone could take them away from her.
But just as she'd given up hope, the last group of Aurors shuffled in assisting the ragged seventh years.
She took off in their direction without a thought.
A stocky female Auror supported Peter as he limped along with the others. Sirius and Remus looked uncharacteristically grim with dirt dusted faces and ruffled uniforms. Out of all the newcomers, the Head Boy looked the worst. A thin but accurate cut sliced his upper cheek and a stream of blood fled down his face. His clothes were littered with similar sharp cuts making him appear like he'd been attacked by a series of scissor charms.
"What happened?" She demanded, skidding to a stop in front of the boys.
James was already being led out of the hall, leaving them to stare after him worriedly.
"It's all my fault." Peter burst out, looking like he might dissolve into a puddle on the floor. The Auror that acted as his support appeared downright uncomfortable with his blatant display of emotion.
Sirius glared at Lily pointedly before switching places with the Auror who darted to take her place with the others. "Don't be daft, Wormtail. You didn't have anything to do with Death Eaters deciding to attack Hogsmeade."
"…Yeah, but if I hadn't-…If I hadn't tripped then James wouldn't have been attacked and those Aurors could have gotten away." His round face trembled as he gulped down emotion.
Remus stepped forward to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "If we hadn't been there to cause a distraction then people could have died though Peter, and James is fine. Everyone is fine."
A boom split the air shaking the walls around them and drawing out screams from panicked students.
A strange look of foreboding wrinkled Sirius' eyes. "They're here."
The next hour was one of the most terrifying experiences of Lily's life, but in the end Hogwarts remained impenetrable as blast after blast rebounded against their shields.
The leader of the Death Eaters had marched to their gates and demanded their fear.
Everyone had gotten out of Hogsmeade in time thanks to a diversion created by the Marauders and the arrival of the White Cloaks.
But Remus was wrong. Everyone wasn't fine.
For fourteen days Lily had been forced into some sort of hellish limbo.
The heroic squad of White Cloaks and her dashing Auror hadn't been seen since they'd been left to hold off the advancing Death Eaters. No one knew if they'd been captured, or injured, or any number of horrible possibilities that Lily couldn't begin to fathom. For two weeks she'd been a grotesque, anxious shadow of herself as day after day there was no news of Baker's fate.
"Evans," The tone of James' voice indicated that it hadn't been the first time he'd tried to shake her from her reverie. His presence had faded into the background like everything else of the boisterous Great Hall as they ate breakfast.
"Oh, sorry. What were you saying?" She tried to pull the proper amount of interest to her features, but lately even James' company hadn't ignited its usual reaction. And anyone else didn't even stand of chance of capturing her interest.
James answered her with an air of professionalism, glancing at the rest of their friends around the table. "The Headmaster has requested our attendance in his office."
She nodded and grabbed a piece of toast to finish, following a step behind the Head Boy. Instantly, she was lost again to her thoughts, but she was far from being the only distracted student walking through the halls these days.
Lily's nearly obsessive thoughts had led to an interesting conclusion about the war. From the beginning the whole attack had seemed odd. What had been the point of it? The Dark Lord's henchmen had marched through Hogsmeade leaving the buildings untouched and allowed for more than enough time to prepare Hogwarts' defenses. They hadn't so much as attacked anyone who didn't blatantly stand in their way and other than the disappearance of the White Cloaks, there hadn't been a single casualty.
After listening to explosion after explosion rattle their walls- all thrown from a single wand, she would never doubt Lord Voldemort's power.
And maybe that had been the point.
In one simple strike Lord Voldemort had managed to cast a curse on the Wizarding World without killing a soul. He stood at their gates as if to say "Look how close I can get. It wasn't even a challenge."
One thing was for certain. The children of Hogwarts would never forget how close he had come and the fear that reduced seventh years to tears. They couldn't even speak his name.
"Excellent timing as always, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore welcomed them into his office with a beaming smile and twinkling eyes. "Ms. Evans."
To Lily's surprise, Piper Prescott sat with her usual stiff grace in one of the chairs facing the Headmaster's desk. Dumbledore spoke again as if he could read the question right out of her mind. "I'm sure you're acquainted with the charming Ms. Prescott."
The Head Students nodded with equal curiosity over the Hufflepuff's presence. Lily was pleased that she wasn't the only one who was out of the loop. James seemed just as perplexed as she was.
"Mr. Prescott has come to me with an interesting proposition." Dumbledore began focusing his kind smile on Mr. Prescott's daughter. Piper kept her gaze uninterested, but cordial. "He'd like to donate the gold for Hogwarts to throw a Christmas Ball in honor of our recent victory."
Lily and James digested the information silently. Piper stared at them with an unreadable glint in her eye.
"I think it's a marvelous idea." The Headmaster continued. "The ball will be held on the seventeenth. I'm sure you are aware that's the night before students leave for holiday, but I'm positive we'll manage to pull it off in fashion."
James started to speak, but Dumbledore stopped him with an amused chuckle. "Despite your current restrictions, your attendance will still be mandatory, Mr. Potter, as will your dedication to the event."
For the Marauders' rebellion during the battle they had all been sentenced to mountains of detention sessions and other unsightly tasks. James, being the Head Boy, was held to a higher standard than his rascal friends though, and he had been stripped of all his Head Boy perks, but remained burdened by its responsibilities. Lily didn't know how much of a punishment it was to be rooming with his old dorm mates again. In fact she was sure the boys were treating the whole thing like a big party.
"If I remember correctly your punishment only holds until the eleventh, several days before the scheduled ball." Dumbledore finished as if he was greatly amused by James' and his friends' antics.
The wizened wizard dismissed them with only a reminder to notify the prefects. Lily was out of the office before he'd completed his sentence.
What did she care about a ball when Baker could be dead?
And as easy as that, Lily forgot the news and sunk back into a shadowy world where she could lurk unrestricted for the rest of the day. Professors had far more serious things to scold them about than a distracted Head Girl and the other students left her alone. It was the one good thing to come out of the rumors that had circulated about her relationship with Harland. People expected her to be just as devastated as she actual was.
"You're going the wrong way, Lovely." Evie chided lightly as she matched her steps to Lily's.
Lily shook her head, confused temporarily at the blonde's sudden appearance. But the comfortable manner that Evie walked with made her second guess herself. Maybe, Evie hadn't appeared at all. She'd probably been walking with her unnoticed for quite some time.
The lithe Gryffindor continued when her observation was met with silence. "Unless you're taking a very long route… Sometimes I do that too. It's an excellent way to get a moment to ponder."
"I'm not going anywhere." Lily told her truthfully. She remembered leaving class in a fog and then wandering aimlessly for some time. Her day was finished anyways. "Where are you going?"
Evie's cheeks colored prettily. "I'm just sending a letter…"
"So you've made up with your mystery bloke, have you?" Lily was happy to have something to engage her friend about. Evie must have really liked him if his mention could make her blush. She didn't think she'd ever seen the other girl's pale cheeks flush in such a manner.
"It's nothing as serious as that." Evie shrugged off her questions as they made their way up to the Owlery.
"Wait." Lily paused shaking off her early distraction. Something familiar prickled at the back of her mind. "What did you mean that I was going the wrong way?"
"Only that James is waiting outside the Great Hall. I stopped to ask him what he was doing and…"
But Lily suddenly remembered exactly why James was waiting and she took off without needing Evie to continue. James was waiting on her. Now that he had been banned from the Head Suite, they had to meet up elsewhere to start their patrols.
With the first signs of perspiration settling on her brow, she halted in front of James gasping to regain her lost breath. "I'm so sorry. I…er, lost track of time."
His lips pursed in thought as he took his time looking her over. It was an inquiring distaste that often masked his face when he stared at her lately.
She waited for his scold with a half flinching face of anticipation.
"Let's get started." He stated evenly, kicking off the wall he'd been lounging on and walking past her without another glance.
She didn't dare question the dismissal of her tardiness. It was far more than she deserved. He'd had no problem laying into her a few days ago when she'd forgotten to schedule the next prefect meeting.
They wandered the halls aimlessly with little determination of anything except completing the task they had been assigned. James frequently checked the map, offering Lily a peek when she glanced over his shoulder curiously. The Marauders' Map was still as remarkable as it had been the first time James showed her…But then again almost every new detail he shared brought her a clearer picture of how spectacular the boys could be when they set their mind to it.
Lily realized that she had learned more about the Marauders in the two months that she'd been sleeping with James than she had in over a year with Sirius. It was a strange notion to consider that the mysteries Sirius guarded with such protectiveness were the same that James shared so freely.
"Why?" She asked out loud in response to her internal monologue.
He looked at her perplexed as she broke the otherwise silent corridor.
Her first instinct was to swallow the sudden curiosity. If she started questioning things then when did it end? They could end up forcing issues a lot more dangerous than shared secrets.
But for the first time in fourteen days she could focus on something other than Baker's fate.
"Why was it so easy for you to tell me about the map, and the cloak, and even the passageways?" She asked not caring if it was a bad idea. They were breaking all the rules now anyways. "Is it not some sort of betrayal?"
His lovely hazel eyes clouded and he shoved the distressed parchment of the map into his pocket. "Who have I betrayed?"
"Your friends." She pointed out irritated that he could make her feel stupid for even suggesting the idea. "I was under the impression the Marauders were restricted by some sort of code."
"A code is the equivalent of a rule which goes against the very morals the Marauders were founded on." He drew a roguish smile across his attractive face.
"James." She huffed with exasperation and then immediately wished she'd used his surname instead. It was less intimate. Why couldn't he just answer her question?
He made a noise, annoyed with her and stared up at the ceiling where he'd stopped walking. The torch-lit hallway was dim and quiet except for their voices that echoed of the stone walls. An amble amount of space separated the Head Students as Lily waited for his answer.
"I never thought about it honestly." He spoke finally with a careless shrug of his shoulders. She gave him a swift glare and he further explained. "I mean- why wouldn't I tell you? It's not as if it's anybody's business but my own to share. I helped make the map. The Invisibility Cloak is mine… I told you because it was the truth. I didn't give it a second thought until just now. It was just…natural."
He started their pace again, but she paused confused by his words. It was far from an answer she ever expected to hear. It was so…honest.
Disappearing around a corner ahead, Lily had to jog to catch up with him. She'd only just rounded the bend when a hand yanked her into an abandoned room. Falling over her feet she crashed into the Head Boy's lips giggling. "What are you doing?"
"We're done with patrols." His words came in between quick breaks of their kisses.
"I didn't even realize." She said taking a step back to observe the surroundings.
It was a bleak little room that could neither be identified as an old classroom nor broom closet. The dusty area was somewhere in the middle of the sizes and only a broken living room set occupied the space.
"You wouldn't." He remarked under his breath.
She ignored him running a finger along the collected dust of a loveseat. This had been the routine since James' punishment began. They were forced to find more creative places to shag now that he wasn't allowed in the suite except for prefect meetings.
With one last look at the heavily shadowed room, Lily turned back to him. It didn't really matter where they were as long as they could shag and she was learning that with the proper amount of flexibility that she could pretty much do it anywhere.
Because having sex with James had become the one time that she wasn't living in a dark place of the unknown.
"Very funny." Her voice bounced off the stone walls and back to her in solitude.
He had disappeared.
The door remained shut though and she smiled unwillingly.
"Find me." His formless voice whispered from behind her. The Invisibility Cloak hid him from her view, but not her ears and she closed her eyes hoping to detect a rustle.
He pinched her bum.
"James!" She squeaked loudly in surprise, jerking around and grasping at his invisible body. There was only the slightest breeze against her fingertips. He was just so bloody fast!
They continued their game for a while and other than James' cursing loudly after stubbing his toe, Lily was losing and ready to give up. She'd just opened her mouth to say so when a wicked idea flirted through her mind and her lips slid into a smirk.
"Oh, Potter?" She called out smoothly and then continued knowing he wouldn't give away his position by answering. "We can do this easy way or the hard way… I should warn you though, I'm going to win."
There was no change in the room and she smiled at his challenge. Her dainty shoes were the first to go, leaving her feet bare to the chilly floor after her tights had followed. A pile of fabrics from her robes fluttered around her feet and gently she took her time unbuttoning her blouse until it hung loose at her sides.
Lily had once been told that she couldn't just show a bloke the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and not allow him to touch.
A naughty look creased her face as she hoped James' wasn't immune to her charms. After all they were charms he'd seen quite a few times already.
She knew she had him at the sharp intake of breath as soon as she'd freed her full chest to cool air. He was close enough now that she could reach out and touch him if she'd liked. The game had changed though and predicting his surrender, she stepped out of the pile of her clothes that only lacked her skirt and knickers to be complete.
"You wanted to do this the hard way." She said. Goosebumps blistered her skin and she shivered at the frigid stone on her naked back.
The silky fabric tickled her skin for an instant and she found herself under the cloak with him. His worn hands cupped her breast with firm but easy pressure and she lost her will to abstain, arching her body into his wantonly.
Her head dipped back in pleasure as she let the wall support her body and James' lips dragged across pert nipples. She gasped at the warm sensation that was a perfect contradiction to the brisk temperature. "I win."
"You fight dirty." His lips murmured against her sensitive skin.
She smiled wickedly. Dirty, indeed. Her hand cupped his hardening cock on top of his pants and he moaned in appreciation.
"The couch." She suggested as he found her lips again. Her body rubbed passed his provocatively as she ducked out of the cloak.
But just as her bum settled onto the lumpy material, light flooded the dark room and she was momentarily disoriented. For the briefest second she sat their stunned and then her eyes adjusted to the figure that loomed in the now open doorway.
Severus Snape sputtered like a fish out of water. "…I heard voices."
Sense came back to her in a burst and she wrapped her arms protectively around her exposed chest. With a frantic useless hand she reached for something to cover her body with and came up empty.
"Get out!" She exclaimed, finding her hoarse voice when no cover appeared. "Get out!"
"Who's in here with you?" Severus demanded. His shock gave way to rage at the sound of her voice. "Where is he?"
Lily didn't dare glance to where James stood, thankfully hidden from view by the cloak he still wore. "For Merlin's sake get out!"
Snape's face distorted unattractively and he shook oddly as if he could suppress some horrible reaction. "Tell me!"
"Get the fuck out of here NOW!" She shouted vengefully.
The door slammed shut. She would never know whether it was her own accidental magic or James' interference. Silence fell over the room, but it had a strange hollow tone after her piercing outburst.
She saw the area where James had been standing distort, but she shook her head swiftly and placed a finger to her lips to silence him. Snape could be waiting outside of the door. With shaking hands she collected her clothes and assembled them back on her body as best she could.
Without sparing a word to James for fear of being overheard, Lily fled the room and passed a stunned looking Snape. She wasn't worried for the Head Boy. He could take care of himself. It wasn't like he was the one who'd just been caught naked by a childhood best friend!
She spent the weekend in hiding. If she was embarrassed after almost kissing Snape in her lust driven haze, it was nothing in comparison to the horror of having been exposed to him in such a dreadful way. It wasn't that he'd seen her half naked, although she'd rather that never happened either.
There was something in his eyes that tore through her.
He'd laid a million different emotions on her with one betrayed look. The least of which had been judgment at her actions. Snape didn't even know who she had been with and yet she still saw all the things she went out of her way to avoid flash through his murky eyes in the instant he discovered her.
Monday came just like it always did though and forced her back into life. As always it didn't take long to catch up with her.
Dumbledore started the meal by announcing the Christmas Ball to the jubilant students. Except he added something that Lily didn't remember hearing before.
"…Since the event is being thrown in honor of the recent happenings in Hogsmeade, all of the Aurors and Ministry members will also be invited… Only fifth years and up may attend, but I expect everyone to contribute to the celebration. And, of course, everyone will be on their best behavior for our most honored guests."
Around Lily thrilled conversations grew like eager weeds suffocating a flowerbed.
"A Christmas Ball!"
"Do you think someone will ask me?"
"I've got to find the perfect robes!"
"Think of all the handsome Aurors that will be there…"
But Lily didn't say a word. Her back was stiff and face tense as she froze with disbelief.
Did everyone forget the 'handsome' White Cloaks who wouldn't be in attendance? Was it so easy for them to embrace the festivities when Baker remained missing? Hadn't he been their hero just a few weeks ago? Didn't they realize how silly it all was when war raged just outside their sheltered world?
All these questions would surely rip through her lips if she unclenched her jaw so she sat silently, waiting on the storm to pass.
In an attempt to erase the relentless picture of Baker's tortured face Lily raced through thoughts that were easier to deal with. Her mind went to James almost instantly. It was strange that he was somehow the relief to the burn when the very scenario she was wrapped up in with him was a metaphorical briar patch of terribleness.
They had never finished what they'd started Friday and she sought his face in the sea red and gold themed uniforms.
Her gaze followed him as he finished his meal and walked towards the exit, stopping to speak with random students who engaged him. She wondered what the chances were of sneaking off with him for a quick shag. It wasn't even the sex that she wanted as much as the brief escape from her troubles. The sex was just the key to helping her forget.
With a steady eye on James' progress, she said her goodbyes and followed his path out of the Great Hall. She was just passing through the doors…
"Evans." Stepping out of nowhere Piper greeted her with an odd expression caressing her pretty features.
Lily stopped abruptly. She was only accustomed to two emotions from the Hufflepuff, polite indifference and indifferent politeness, and the new face made Lily uncomfortable. Piper's eyes were a little too wide. Her mouth was slightly strained and cheeks tinted vaguely pink.
"Hello, Prescott." She responded slowly trying to assess the golden haired girl's purpose. "Did you need something?"
Piper's ocean colored eyes never wavered and the intensity made Lily suddenly paranoid. Had she seen her following James? Did she suspect something was going on?
Her pause continued despite Lily's rushing worries. Finally she spoke. "We should discuss the ball."
But the way she said it made Lily think that it hadn't been what she really meant at all. "Yeah, absolutely…but I've got History of Magic now. It'll be brought up at the Prefect Meeting, of course."
Nervous, she darted away before Piper could protest. What the hell was that about?
She hadn't been lying about class though, even if she was embarrassingly early. It gave her time to alternate negativity between the insensitive ball and Piper's strange behavior. By the time the class had nearly filled she was stewing in pessimism.
A ribbon of happiness tempted to lift her mood at the sight of Callum entering the class, but as he took a seat with a Ravenclaw friend she was reminded that he wasn't willing to play that role anymore. He caught her gaze and offered a gentle smile. Always the gentleman, Callum remained friendly, but there wasn't a doubt that things were strained between them.
Professor Binns began the lesson to a full class. The only unoccupied seat was the one beside the Head Girl and Lily glared at the empty space. It increased her somber mood with its ironic appropriateness.
"I'm so sorry, Professor!" A collection of the banging door and Honor's stout apology interrupted Professor Binns. "I got held up by prefect obligations. It won't happen again."
Binns raised a ghostly hand in an uncaring wave of dismissal.
Lily watched as relief flooded Honor's face and she quickly scanned the room for available seats. Her disheveled appearance almost made Lily forget her bold lie about prefect duty. The Ravenclaw wasn't assigned anything today, and if her wrinkled robes and splotchy face were any indication of her true whereabouts, her 'duties' were more along the lines of quick kip or snogging session with Sirius.
Honor finally spotted the empty seat and took one step forward before recognition of her new partner stopped her in her tracks. The lines of her face hardened as she remained unmoving.
"What is the problem now?" Professor Binns snapped at the stubborn student.
Honor's dusty hair swept over her shoulder as she glanced between her superior and seat beside her self imposed nemesis. "I thought someone might like to trade me for a different seat."
A nervous clatter of noises filled the air and Lily's blush bled down her neck and settled in unattractive red streaks across her chest. Honor was taking this too far this time.
"Don't be silly, Sims. I won't have you interrupting my class any further. Take your seat." The professor bustled about annoyed.
Honor didn't seem perturbed by the misuse of her surname. If anything she stood up straighter and held her mouth boldly in distaste as she took the seat beside Lily.
Lily's hands shook from embarrassment and anger as she tried to take notes, making crooked letters and uneven lines. The unforgiving emotions of the day pounded down on her.
Shifting in her seat, Lily's foot grazed Honor's and the resulting jerk from the Ravenclaw rattled the table violently. Once again they had captured the attention of the class and Lily ducked her head until the students grew bored.
"What is your problem?" Lily hissed through hard lips. She was accustomed to a cold shoulder, but never before had Honor displayed such outward hostility.
The prefect's eyes didn't falter from their ghostly professor, but her hands clenched under the table. Lily could tell because of the muscles that strained in her forearms. "Could you not talk? I'm trying to pay attention."
The complete absurdity of her sentence sent Lily's anger spiking to new levels."Yes, I'm sure you were very worried about your education fifteen minutes ago while you were shagging my ex boyfriend."
"You are trash, Lily Evans!" The suddenness of her chair slamming backwards coincided perfectly with the booming insult that erupted from Honor.
Lily mirrored her actions with little thought and met the enraged girl face to face. "At least I'm not second choice."
An almost visible flash of red filled her eyes before her hand whipped across the Head Girl's face. The slap sounded a lot worse than it felt, but that didn't stop Lily from responding with a furious shove. Honor fell back awkwardly before her back caught on a desk and she rebounded back at Lily with an array of curse words and flinging limbs.
It took multiple students to pry them apart and a sticking charm from Professor McGonagall to keep them restrained sitting in her office after they'd been dragged there.
"I have never!" The Head of the Gryffindor House ranted to the girls who glowered at one another. "The Head Girl and a prefect engaged in a muggle altercation during class! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"
Lily knew that eventually guilt over her actions would sink in, but it was impossible for her to summon anything other than rage while Honor continued to glare from her seat.
"Would either of you care to explain yourselves?" McGonagall peered at them sharply.
Neither spoke.
"Just as well..." The older woman's scowl did not lessen. "I don't think there is anything you could say to rectify my disappointment."
Shame broke through her fury and planted foreboding seeds that would eventually ravage her with guilt. Honor's head lowered as well under the harsh words.
"I recommended the harshest punishment to the Headmaster." She let fear settle over the misbehaving students before continuing. "However… He has come up with a more unique form of retribution that I believe is far too lenient."
Lily waited for her fate with bated breath. She made silly promises to be a better person if only she didn't get expelled. Whatever the punishment (baring expulsion) she decided to accept it gracefully. It wasn't like she wasn't guilty of the offense.
"No one has stepped forward to take responsibility for the Christmas Ball and the Headmaster believes that the time spent preparing for the festivity would be an excellent way for you two ladies to work out your issues."
What?
They had come to physical blows, disturbed a class, and generally made a mockery of the entire prefect system and their punishment was to….throw a party?
It was completely insane. Dumbledore really had lost it.
But then the full implications sank in.
They would have to spend hours over the next couple of weeks together. There would be planning, and decorating, and most horrible of all- talking. And all of these tasks would have to be done in the company of Honor Simmons.
It was a fate worse than a million detentions.
Professor McGonagall watched their expressions carefully and the first signs of satisfaction crept across her face. Apparently their collective grimace was enough to assure her of their suffering. "Do not disappoint me again. There will be a great many guest to Hogwarts and if anything goes amiss I will be holding you personally responsible."
The threat loomed over them. Lily had no doubt that if they so much as scowled at one another Professor McGonagall would know about it.
"If you fail then I'll see to it that you both face a much more fitting sentence." She said as if agreeing with Lily's thoughts. "It is clear that neither of you are fit for classes the rest of the day… You will receive failing marks on all of your assignments."
It was dreadful but fair and Lily went back to the Head Suite with a deservedly gloom mood. She gave up one day to feel really terrible using the secret passage to go to the kitchens and let the house elves pamper her to their heart's content. It was a self indulgent day for sure, but when it passed so did the self pity.
Tuesday was a whole new opportunity to regain her dignity and she approached Honor in the library to begin their new project. It was a tense affair and neither spoke unless it was absolutely necessary, but they escaped the meeting without a row so Lily was going to count it as a success.
The only thing more talked about than Lily and Honor's throw down was the upcoming festivities and Lily heard giggling reminders in every corner of the castle over the next week. Even dignified seventh years were reduced to blushing fits and tearful rejections as all of Hogwarts coupled off for the ball.
It was almost too much to bear when she was forced to listen to her own best mates rabbitting over possible dates.
She didn't have time for such silly notions as dates and dresses. She was too busy organizing the party so everyone else could worry about such matters.
"Honestly, Lovely, no one has asked you?" Kat asked with disbelief.
Lily groaned into her DADA essay. Could they not think of anything else? "No, and I wouldn't even go if I wasn't required to be there."
"It's probably your new reputation of violence scaring them off." Evie noted thoughtlessly. It was impossible to tell if she was joking.
"If you're so worried about my prospective dates, I'm assuming you both have one." Lily remarked pointedly.
That shut them up. It didn't cease the uproar over the ball though and it wasn't long after that Lily was first approached about a date for the dance.
"Oh, hullo Remus." Lily offered him a weak smile when he stopped her after class one day.
"Yes, good day." He responded with awkward distraction. "Might we have a private word?"
She looked around the empty classroom. Weren't they already?
Remus blushed realizing his mistake. "I'm sorry… It's just that I don't really know how to… I guess I was just wondering…"
Oh, no. Lily was horrified. He was going to ask her to the ball. What was he thinking? She sucked in her breath. "Remus-"
"Do you think Kat will go to be Christmas Ball with me?" He finally blurted out his tangled words. "Just as friends, of course!"
Lily thought it was odd that he needed to get inside information to ask Kat as "just friends," but she kept it to herself understanding Remus' skittish demeanor. She didn't want to scare him off. "Well, I can't speak for her, but I have it on good authority that she hasn't accepted an invitation from anyone else so I'd say you have just as good a shot as anybody else."
Remus' smile was crooked as he relaxed at her friendly teasing. "I'm expecting a few good words thrown in my favor."
"You have my full endorsement." Lily replied with a sharp, authentic grin.
The very next day Lily was once again surprised by a Marauder.
"Hi, Lovely." Peter's flushing expression shared much in common with Remus' appearance the day before.
She returned his greeting in kind, halting her wand that had been charming decorations. Lily and Honor had been granted run of the Great Hall when it wasn't being used for dining purposes and Peter wasn't the first friend to discover her new usual location.
After a good bit of encouraging small talk, the shorter boy finally gave up his real purpose of seeking her out. "Do any of your friends need a date to the ball?"
She bit her lip uncomfortably. It wasn't that she didn't know any girls who needed dates. They just wouldn't fancy Peter.
Seeing her unwilling pity, he immediately blushed and began stammering. "It was stupid to ask. I just thought maybe… I can go with the other Marauders and their dates… Really, it'll be fun-"
"It's just a little late, but I'm sure there's a girl that'll be honored to have such a popular bloke on her arm." Lily made up her mind that she'd help him get a date even if she had to offer outrageous favors in return.
His previous mood was immediately forgotten as he trusted her words and left with a cheerful step.
She wasn't even granted a full six hours before it was Christos Savales requesting a moment alone.
"I suppose you're expecting me to find you a date as well?" She grumbled following him into a quiet part of the corridor before Potions began.
His olive features quirked curiously at her comment. "Actually, yes."
"Have I been unwillingly voted Hogwarts' official cupid?" She ranted, irritated by the turn of events. Her plate was quite full as it stood. "Honestly, can't you blokes just man up and ask for a date in the proper way? It's getting to be a little ridiculous-."
He cut her off smoothly. "As adorable as this little fit is, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about and in defense of my sex I have to point out that I was trying to ask you on a proper date to the Christmas Ball."
Her mouth snapped shut in surprise. "Oh."
"Now is your turn to answer my proper request." His confident amusement neither endured nor repulsed her.
"No?" She replied uncertainly. The answer just came out, but she knew it was the right choice as soon as she gave her answer.
"No?" He repeated with curious ease. Her rejection didn't appear to shake him in the least.
"No, thank you?" She shook her head at the stupidity of her statement.
He raised a worried eyebrow and left her to class with a short bow that only he could pull off without looking like a smarmy git.
"Always the popular girl." Callum remarked in passing, giving her a sociable smile as he went. He'd apparently overheard at least some of Christos' invitation.
She tried to muster a grin, but couldn't help thinking that it didn't sound like a compliment at all in her ears.
Two more requests came before the day was out, but Lily denied those as well. It wasn't that they were bad fellows, but each time she imagined attending the ball with them she felt that she'd rather go alone.
It was impossible not to think of James. She didn't want to go with him or anything. The lines were just so blurry now that it was hard not to consider the implications of possible dates they would or would not take.
Piper stepped in Lily's path as if the mere thought of James could summon the Hufflepuff.
"Merlin!" The Head Girl jumped in surprise. "How do you do that?"
"I don't know what you mean." Piper was unaffected by Lily's strong reaction. "You ignored my request to converse about the Christmas Ball."
Lily opened her mouth to refute this because the ball had been discussed at annoying lengths during the last prefect meeting, but changed her mind. There was no arguing with Piper. "Well, what did you want to discuss?"
"Father thought it would be a fitting theme to have some muggle elements added." Piper said directly. "It would show Hogwarts' support for its muggleborn students' heritage."
It was a good idea and Lily made a mental note to bring it up with Honor later.
She was just happy that Piper's attention was focused on something other than James. It was hard to shake the idea that the Hufflepuff prefect suspected something was going on between the Head Students. More than once Lily had caught Piper staring at her with a strange concentration as if she was trying to figure out a particularly difficult puzzle.
Lily certainly didn't want to hang around long enough to accidentally share the wrong piece of information. "We'll talk later. I'm late for patrols."
It was conveniently true and Lily headed to meet the Head Boy with giddy relief. They'd continued their trend of finding inventive ways to shag. A few nights before they'd been patrolling the seventh floor corridor for what felt like hours when they came upon a room filled with the most luxurious pillows she'd ever seen.
This night was once again filled with new naughty possibilities and Lily hoped they'd find their way back to the 'pillow' room.
The tension started building early. An energy crackled between them as it always did and by the time their hour ran out Lily was itching to find a secluded place.
"It's gone." James stopped in front of the wall where only nights before a door had welcomed them.
"That's impossible." She studied the unbroken stones. Her mood sank as the idea of silken pillows slipped from her grasp.
His smile was ironic and snarky. "No, that's Hogwarts."
She glared at the place the door was supposed to be. "Do you have the map? Maybe we could go to the cupboard on the second floor."
"I was planning on adding the pillow room." He explained pulling out the Marauder's Map. "We had to remove the passage that we used for the battle since Dumbledore had it closed off."
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." She said taking the map from him, eager to find a private spot. With the map in her hands, her eyes poured greedily over the parchment. "Filch is over by that abandoned classroom on the sixth floor and the cupboard by the Ravenclaw common room is no good either. Crouch is lingering over there…"
She trailed off realizing that James wasn't participating in her quest. He was just staring at her with a burning edge in his eyes.
"What?" Self consciously she bit her bottom lip.
He stepped purposefully forward, crunching the map between them, and sliding his fingers onto either side of her face. His gaze met hers with powerful lust that cut sharply at her chest. "You have no idea what it does to me hearing you say that."
She wrinkled her nose in amused confusion. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good?"
A deep sound rumbled through his chest and he pushed her further into the wall. She could feel every inch of what it did to him pressing into her.
There was nothing like having such control of James Potter. It made her drunk with empowerment. With a manipulative purpose she tucked her soft hand under his shirt to rest with teasing pressure on his muscle hardened abdomen. "What's going on with Piper Prescott?"
She had timed her attack perfectly though and her tempting hand kept the glazed lust from escaping his eyes at her question. It was if he barely heard her, leaning down to inhale the vanilla scent of her hair. "We're friends."
"Are you going to ask her to the ball?" Lily's question came with the easy continuation of her fingers sliding underneath the waistband of his pants.
His hands mimicked hers and suddenly the answer didn't matter as much as having her lips on his. Snogging James remained a singularly, mind blowing, erotic experience. He kissed like the secret to happiness lay within her lips.
She unwillingly pulled away with a breathless whisper. "We're in the middle of the corridor… Anybody could walk up."
His kissed told her how much he cared and quickly, she caught up to his way of thinking. Things were spiraling out of control. His hands were everywhere. Her lips were wild, demanding. Lily left her head and gave into the sensations that poured down her spine, slinking through every limb, until she was nothing but mush in his hands.
The echoes of approaching footsteps were too important to be ignored though and thankfully, James had the intelligence to yank them away. The two giggling Head Students fled down the hallway, tripping and bumping into one another as they went.
"The greenhouses!" He whispered with mischievous delight still tugging her by the hand. The electric glint in his eye was infectious and Lily imagined it was the exact same look the Marauders were treated to all the time. It was stupid to feel a spike of jealousy, but it didn't stop the flash of emotion from taking root. They got to have him all the time.
She glanced backwards to insure that their interrupter hadn't followed. Her facial expressions mimicked his, caught up in the excitement. "Okay, but check the map. You never know who might have the same idea."
She didn't realize he'd abruptly stopped walking until the slack of his arm caught and tugged her back sharply. His face was slack and frozen. "James?"
Even though he still hadn't moved a muscle, she could practically see thoughts racing through his hazel irises. It was a moment longer before he spoke. "I don't have it."
And then she could see it as if it were happening again. The Marauders' Map squished between them only minutes ago, hands caressing bodies, the pulling of clothes, and the folded parchment hitting the ground without even a thump to their distracted ears.
Lily opened her mouth to speak, but realized she was too scared. What could she say? This was her fault. It had been her hands that dropped the Marauders' Map. She was suddenly terrified that he would hate her. "I…I… Maybe I can go back."
He grabbed her by the arm as she turned with panicked quickness. "It's too late. Filch will already have found it by now. He was right behind us."
Another wave of anxiety seized her. He had been the only Marauder to share anything with her and look how she repaid him.
"I've got to go." He said suddenly, distracted.
The look on her face must have been truly stricken because it was enough to shake him from his haze. "It's not your fault… I just have to come up with something to tell the others."
Instantly she could tell that he was telling the truth. He really didn't blame her.
She nodded, but he was already gone, retreating in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.
The next day she heard that James had asked Amarina Diggory to be his date to the Christmas Ball. She wondered if it had anything to do with her asking about his relationship with Piper. It would be a lie if she said it didn't make her happy.
A downside was that now she was forced to face the realization that finding a date was necessary. Luckily, Remus and Peter had given her a temporary distraction from finding her own date.
"Have you two managed to lure any victims?" Lily asked with nonchalance, brushing her thick hair over her shoulder. Evie and Kat were hunched together over a stack of books in the Gryffindor common room on a rainy Saturday. "Oops- I meant, dates."
Kat gave her a snarky smile, but Evie giggled behind a pale hand.
"I have decided that I'm going to go alone as a commitment to my love." Evie said seriously recovering drastically from her laughter. "My mum already Owled me the most beautiful dress. It's blue."
Lily shook her head, fighting off a grin and turned to Kat. "What about you? I know you've rejected at least two prefects. They were pouting about it at the last prefect meeting."
"What about me? What about you?" Kat shot back, narrowing her round indigo eyes.
"I just figured I'd transfigure a dress I already owned." Lily replied innocently, purposefully misinterpreting the question. "It's not like I have the gold for something as frivolous as a new gown... Stupid Simmons just had to go and suggest muggle attire to enhance the muggle theme. I had the perfect set of robes to wear."
"That's lovely, Lovely." Kat's twisted smirk returned. "Last I heard you had turned down every eligible bachelor at Hogwarts. I know who I'm waiting on, but what about you? Who is the unlucky boy you've got your eye on?"
"I'm just waiting for it to feel right." Lily answered dismissively. She was only interested in what Kat let slip. "More importantly, who are you waiting on?"
Kat's eyes widened at her carelessness.
Lily sighed. Kat still wasn't ready to share whatever was going on with Remus. "…Well, if that falls through I thought you should know that Lupin is looking for a date. He thought you might like to go."
"As friends." The dark haired girl added, but her eyes had changed. They were lit up with happiness. "I think that's a grand idea."
With one task complete, Lily was in a good mood leaving the common room. She smiled at a group of passing third years.
A tinge of guilt brushed against her reminding her why she was upset in the first place, but she kept it at bay for the moment.
She could imagine Baker flirting with her if he was here, just to see her smiling face. He'd tell her how 'shaggable' she was or that he'd come back just so she'd stop being such a worrying troll all the time.
As if the two of them were now connected in her mind, thoughts of James followed the sadness associated with her best mate. She had somehow conditioned her thoughts to seek the ease of James after the burn of Baker.
Today the thought of him wasn't enough. She needed to touch him- feel him under her fingertips.
It was with an uncharacteristic fondness that she sought the Head Boy late that night. All of the catastrophic fears that had plagued her about their relationships seemed insignificant and unimportant as of late. She felt stupid for worrying so much. As two mature adults they could handle a physical relationship without things getting messy elsewhere. And it wasn't like giving up the one thing that was keeping her sane was exactly a healthy solution.
Even better was that James' restrictions would be over tomorrow.
She was sick of all their encounters going awry especially now that she so desperately relied on the interaction.
With the shift of their relationship, came a certain amount of gratefulness. She really would have gone mad without his unconventional method of comfort.
But how could she thank him? How could she show him that it meant a lot to her?
She couldn't, but another alluring idea demanded attention.
James had let her in on secret after secret. It showed that he trusted her. He wanted her involved in his life where Sirius had failed so spectacularly.
She would show him the one secret she had to give.
At dinner she slipped him a discreet note asking him to meet her at the Truth Mirror two hours after curfew with his Invisibility Cloak.
He arrived on time with curious speculation slanting his features. His punishment would not be over until tomorrow, meaning he couldn't enter their suite, but she smiled at his intrigue and pulled the cloak around the both of them.
For once she was the one leading and exhilarated chills ran down her arms at their close proximity.
"All this mystery and you bring me to the Great Hall?" He stared at the looming doors, unimpressed. "You realize that dinner was over hours ago."
Throwing off the cloak, she grinned and stepped forward to push the doors open before them.
Lying on the hard table their heads fit beside each other like puzzle pieces in the sloping space to their shoulders. James' legs stretched down the flat surface of table toward the Head table, while Lily's lean form, legs crossed at her delicate ankles, pointed in the direction of the entrance.
The dark sky above them was distorted by dense stretched clouds that promised snow. Promises the enchanted ceiling couldn't keep.
"How did you know?" James' voice was a wisp more substantial than a whisper. The silence of the room was intimidating and suggested the quiet tone their voices took.
She felt petulant smugness that he was impressed by her secret discovery. "I figured out that they never locked the doors years ago… It's hard for me to believe the Marauders never stumbled across that little piece of information."
He pondered in silence for a lazy moment that echoed their subdued state. "Maybe, we didn't want to know. The challenge is really half the fun of a good prank… Unrestricted access to the Great Hall would have made things embarrassingly simple."
She found truth in his thoughtful tone.
As had the predictable routine called them to the Gryffindor table for the last seven years, they had walked unquestioningly to their meal spot upon entering. It was natural and added a dose of familiar comfort to their blatant rule breaking.
"But why?" He asked breaking the content silence again. Realizing the vague connotation of his initial request, he added quickly. "Not why did you check the Great Hall doors in the middle of the night. I've witnessed far too much of your stressed induced insomnia to not figure that out… Why did you need a place so hugely alone to come and think?"
"I guess it felt like the only place big enough to hold all my thoughts."
"When did you first start coming here?" He seemed intrigued that there was part of her that he hadn't seen.
Lily was surprised at how easily she thrust the secret at him. This was the one thing that he couldn't observe- the one part of her life that so solely belonged to her. She sat up slowly, pulling her legs to cross in front of her as she faced him. Copying the Head Girl's actions, he brought his knees to touch hers and they sat face to face.
"I come here at the end of every year, the night before summer holiday. Up until my parents died I just thought of it as a fun, secret tradition. After that it became a lot more important… I'll tell you a secret if you promise not to laugh."
He met her earnest gaze with solid reassurance.
"Sometimes I think this room has special magical properties, like Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem. My thoughts are so much clearer. I always do my best thinking that one night a year."
James kept his promise and didn't laugh. Instead he smiled an entertained, yet kind, smile. "So why not come here all the time? If I had the access to a room that helped me sort through my mind I would take advantage of it all the time."
"Well, maybe that's why it doesn't work for you. I wouldn't want to use it so carelessly. After all, if I messed with tradition it might not work anymore." She answered carefully, considering his input.
"That's a lot of self restraint for a twelve year old."
Forcing her curly hair to curtain around her blushing face, she looked down uncomfortable with a kind observation about her personality from him. "And what would you have used it for? You seem to have a pretty clear control over your thoughts."
Physically they had been as close as humanly possible, closer than she'd ever been with anyone else, and yet she was clueless to decipher the stormy look that touched his hazel eyes. It wasn't the first time she'd wanted to understand him, but never before had she ached to ease whatever unpleasant emotion plagued him.
When he spoke the stormy look was gone, covered not eradicated. "I don't like to linger over thoughts if I can help it, but I could have used a place like this when my parents split up."
"What?" She was shocked. "I didn't know your parents weren't together."
"They didn't even know that I knew." He laughed lightly like it was just a funny story he was remembering. "It didn't last very long and Dad had moved back in by the time holidays started, but I always knew."
"How?" Lily was drawn into this odd side of his life he was opening up to her. "What happened between them?"
"... It wasn't like they were ever one of those mushy couples that shows affection all the time. Growing up it felt more like living with two people that were best mates rather than married." With a comfortable air, he rested his hands on her knees as he spoke.
Instinctively she leaned in, enjoying the smells of fresh laundry and grass that seemed to cling permanently to his skin. "That doesn't sound so bad."
"It wasn't." He insisted. "But when you settle for a relationship at some point you have to accept that you're never going to get your big love and I think it hit my mum harder than she thought it would."
The strange contradiction to her family was an unpleasant shock. Her parents had been ridiculously in love and it hadn't always been the easiest situation to deal with, but the idea that there were some people out there who would never find that true love made her uncomfortable and sad.
She might be one of those people.
No words seemed adequate to express the way it made her feel so she leaned forward and captured his lips instead. Most days kissing him was the only thing that did make sense to her anymore.
Something was different though.
It wasn't the movement of his mouth, but instead the way this kiss made her feel.
They pulled away softly, but she wasn't quite ready to give up this new feeling yet. He sensed her hesitance- her need to continue- and pulled her to meet him again while running his hands up her legs to rest on her bum that was pulled slightly off the table.
His hands were hot through her stockings and she wondered what he thought about her lack of knickers.
"You are positively dangerous." His low voice peeked out between kisses somewhere between a moan and a growl. Apparently, he liked it quite a bit.
A smile pulled her lips away from his and he yanked her back using the leverage of her bum. Recapturing her mouth wasn't his only plan though and soon he snuck both hands beneath the elastic of her stockings. They were gone when they stopped kissing again.
The wood was cool against her skin for an instant before James had her in his lap, legs slinking off either side of him.
The unusual sitting position forced them eye to eye and they were trapped within one another's gaze.
She could feel him though- hard and ready through his trousers. Any other boy and she might have teased him for his seemingly always eager erection, but she was just as bad when it came to him. A brief kiss could have her wiggling in her knickers from the moisture that begged for friction.
She needed him now too, but looking away was impossible as hazel drove into emerald.
The intensity never broke as her hand trailed down his body and unlatched his belt with experienced fingers. Even his sharp intake of breath at the intimate contact didn't deter the spell that had captured them. With a slowness that would have driven both of them crazy any other time, Lily leaned back, placing both hands on the table behind her.
And still their eyes locked as if they experienced every fiery sensation through the other's eyes.
Her back arched with beautiful certainty, using a gentle hand to grasp his hard member as she took him inside her.
The sudden fullness threatened to break their eye contact as she fought against a pleased flutter of her lashes. A desperate sound floated to her ears and somehow the strange magic that held them remained.
She rolled her hips with graceful pointed strokes, setting the rhythm while he held her hips in agreement to the mutual pleasure.
A powerful intensity wrapped around them, creating a cocoon of palpable energy. It was strong, building with her orgasm, until she thought she might explode from the overload. Yet, she couldn't look away, even as her thrusts became faster and faster, and whimpers rioted from her lips.
He could feel it too. She could see it in the way he held his face like uncontrollable tears or enormous joy waited just beyond the cliff that they were desperately trying to throw themselves over.
Harder and harder until-
"Lily!" Her name broke through his lips with a revered helplessness.
He came with a force that twisted his features to the point of pain, finally breaking their gaze, but not her need. With a frantic air she continued to ride him, lengthening his orgasm, until her own pleasure collapsed around her.
Dark exhausted spots clouded her vision and then she was limp against his chest as he cradled her in his tight grasp. Sporadic spasm shot through random nerves as she recovered, unable to move.
Eventually, they regained control over their bodies, but words seemed loud and disrespectful so they dressed and shuffled back to the Head Suite in silence.
"What are you doing?" She asked weakly, fighting against her dragging feet. He followed her into the suite.
His smile was only half genuine, and she knew without a doubt that whatever strange change occurred had affected him too. "It's after midnight. My punishment is over."
Without question, he took her hand and helped her tired body up the stairs.
She didn't want to leave him.
The thought frightened her immediately and she fought to suppress the implications of it.
There wasn't long to fret though because instead of releasing her to slumber in her own room, he led them into his recently abandoned suite. The room had the stale smell of undisturbed air and the finest layer of dust clung to his furniture's surfaces from a month away.
With a heavy thump, he fell into the bed and wiggled out of his clothes until only his under things remained. He noticed her stationary stance. "No need to fake modesty now, Evans. I know you wouldn't bother with clothes at all if you had your choice."
She didn't know how to tell him that getting undressed wasn't the problem. It was the sleeping that held her back.
Sure, they shagged, but they didn't do sleepovers. Now he expected her to just climb in his bed and what? It was against the rules and weird… But staring at the Head Boy wrapped up in his fluffy bed did look tempting.
She tossed her dirty clothes in the loo where the house elves collected them and reluctantly joined him. He better not expect any snuggling though.
But after extinguishing the lights, she was happy to note that he stayed on his side of the bed. With nothing to listen to except their off pattern breathing, Lily grew irritated with the allowance. She would never be able to fall asleep. No matter how tired she was the uncomfortable vibe would restrain her from rest.
Stupid, James.
…
…
…
Lily woke up with a jolt. The darkness of the room was split by a sliver of light that leaked through the half closed curtains. She was confused for a minute, taking in the familiar surroundings that were slightly off, until the memories from the night before slid into place. This was the Head Boy's room.
So much for not being able to fall asleep.
Judging by the dim light it was early- barely after dawn- and she wondered what had woken her at such an unreasonable hour.
The chattering of her own teeth flooded her other senses with the cold that nibbled at her skin. She was freezing. A quick look at her sleeping partner solved the mystery. He'd stolen all the covers!
Reflexively, her body sought the warmth from his side of the bed. Somehow he had managed to cocoon his body within the thick quilts until only messy locks of black hair snuck out of the bundle. Even after she had fought her way within the blankets with him, the previous chill lingered causing shivers to roll down her limbs. Her feet were practically ice.
A nostalgic memory rushed her at the familiar cold.
Winter nights of Lily's childhood had often left her shuffling down the hall to her parent's room. No matter how many blankets and quilts her mum piled on top of Lily, it was never enough and the cold woke her shivering every night. Her dad would pull her into the big bed with sleepy eyes and she would wiggle deep into the ocean of warmth between her parents. Her little feet were always the last to warm up though and she could never help from tucking her icy toes under her father's warm legs.
"Lily." Her dad would warn with tired irritation, but never once would he push her away.
Lost in the calming memory, she barely noticed her feet seeking James' legs. All she had to do was follow the heat.
On contact a disgruntled sound rumpled through his chest restlessly. He didn't push her away though and she held still, letting the heat he radiated seep into her bones.
"…Smell good." He said through closed eyes. The thoughtless tone of his voice clued her in that he was far from awake.
Even half asleep he was stronger than her though and he wrapped his body around her, burying his face in her abundance of hair.
She should have fought him off.
She should have gone back to her room.
She should have never been there in the first place.
But in the end all she did do was close her eyes and give in to the heat that lulled her swiftly back to sleep.
When she opened her eyes again she knew exactly where she was. It was kind of hard to miss the Quidditch Captain clinging to her or the sheen of sweat that their body heat created.
"I figured you for more of a kicker than a cuddler." James' voice was rough against her ear.
A new awareness tingled through her and she wiggled her bare skin back into him. There was something terribly seductive about skin on skin. "Funny. I could have easily predicted you would be stingy with your covers."
She felt the laughter in his chest jostling against the clasp of her bra. It was swelteringly hot, but she couldn't complain when his hand slid under her ribcage to cup her full breast beneath the lacy fabric.
James' room was much brighter than before signifying that morning would soon lurch into afternoon. Sundays certainly weren't free of responsibilities, but there wasn't anything so important that it couldn't wait until later.
"Maybe, you deserve a little punishment." She smirked with wicked delight throwing the covers off of them.
A stout wave of cold hit them, but Lily ignored the temperature, climbing on top of the grinning Head Boy. "I have been naughty lately."
"Lately?" She asked incredulously, pushing him back into the mattress as he tried to steal a kiss. "More like always."
His face strained with sudden unearned panic that didn't match the situation.
With a purse of her lips she started to question him, when she figured it out all on her own. James had heard what she missed barely a half a second ago.
"Prongs?" The voice was impossible not to recognize calling quietly from behind James' closed door. "You in here, Prongs?"
Instinct took over as Lily flung her body off the bed, dreadfully aware that with every word their guest got closer to discovering them. Awkwardly, her feet tangled and her knee hit the floor with bruising force. It didn't stop her though as she forced her forward movement with impressive determination.
The curtains she'd tucked behind were still swaying when Sirius opened the door.
"Padfoot." James greeted with a fake yawn.
Lily would have rolled her eyes and his terrible acting if her harsh breathing didn't threaten to expose them. She clamped a hand over her mouth hoping to quiet the noisy intake. There was nothing to be done about the thunderous beat of her heart though. It sounded as loud as a freight train in her ears.
"Oh, you were sleeping." Sirius' voice was dull and a mockery of his usual happy spirit.
Her mind galloped with paranoia. Did he know she was there? Had she been too slow?
"Just woke up actually." If James detected anything wrong, his voice didn't betray him. In fact his next question was so carelessly thrown that Lily almost dismissed the relevance to their current dilemma. "How'd you get past the Truth Mirror?"
"Remember when you tried to give of us all blanket invitations to come in without needing to get one every single time?" Her ex boyfriend answered. "Well, I guess it worked…"
Even through her storm of panic she could find interest in that piece of information. A 'blanket invitation' could be useful. It got annoying trying to remember to directly invite her friends to enter the suite every time they came to see her.
"Up for a round of Quid-." James stopped short and began again with a concerned tone. "Sirius?"
"He's dead." He replied in an inflectionless voice. "The Ministry Owled me this morning to tell me Uncle Alphard's will had been read… My family didn't even bother to notify me."
"What happened?"
Sirius laughed humorlessly. She could imagine the cruel sneer that tortured his face. "He always said that the remorse would kill him. I guess it did… Alphard was a piece of work, but I'm glad he went peacefully."
"What can I do?" The empathetic pain was a sharp reminder of the deep love that connected them. They cared so much for each other that they hurt for each other. "Want to break into the stash of Firewhiskey and get blitzed? We haven't snuck out of Hogwarts since the battle. A little adventure might do the trick… Anything, Padfoot. Name it."
Sirius' weak sigh was so dejected that Lily had to restrain from giving in to her immediate reaction to wrap her arms around the boy who had always meant so much to her.
"I hate this." Sirius said. To Lily and James' horror he sounded on the verge of tears. "I can't stand all this…emotion! It's terrible. I don't see how girls function this way…I'm a bloody disaster and getting drunk is suppose to sound wonderful, and all I feel like doing is talking about my feelings."
"What about Simmons?" James suggested quickly, horrified with the turn their conversation had taken. He wanted to be there for Sirius, but he didn't know how helpful he'd be with 'emotions.' What if Sirius cried? James shuddered at the thought. "She might be better suited for all this."
"It's not like that with Honor." He replied letting go of a frustrated breath. There was a long pause before he spoke again and Lily wished she could see what was going on. "What happened to your lavatory door?"
A stab of pain forced guilt into her open wound. She knew without a doubt that as much as she wanted to comfort Sirius it was nothing compared to his craving for her as he'd reflexively looked toward her room and seen James' broken door.
"A little magic gone wrong- accident, really." James shrugged off his inquiry easily. He obviously couldn't explain that he'd saved Lily from drowning and then they'd shagged. "…I might not be good at this feelings stuff, but if you need me then I'm here for you, Padfoot."
"I-I just wish I hadn't messed everything up." With broken words, he forced out the statement.
"You can't possibly be blaming yourself for this. Uncle Alphard was old, Sirius. He knew he wasn't going to make it that much longer. It was why he reached out to you in the first place."
"No, I know that." Sirius stated honestly. "I meant with Lily. I know you think she's kind of uptight and I never did anything to try and make you like her better, but she was-…one of kind. She always made me feel special like wherever I was exactly where she should be. I can't explain it right… But I think it felt like home."
Lily stood frozen listening to the uncomfortable noise that James made.
Sirius continued on, misinterpreting James' interruption as one of embarrassment. "I was so selfish though. She was the one thing that was all mine and I didn't want to share her… I ruined it though. I ruin everything… And the worst part is that I think she might be the only person who could help."
His sharp intake tried to fight the emotions that bubbled through his words. "It hurts… I don't think I've ever hurt this bad before."
It hurt Lily too. It was a pain that mixed achingly with guilt and empathy.
"…Then we're going to need to find some really strong Firewhiskey." James finally said, earning a moist laugh from his best mate. "That's the only kind of comfort I know how to do."
"Alright, Prongs." Sirius allowed and Lily could hear the half smile in his voice. "Let's get Wormtail and Moony. I'm sure we can find some trouble."
The boys moved noisily around the suite as James' dressed and freshened up for the day. It took half the time that it usually did and then they were gone.
Lily was left alone shivering in her knickers. This time it wasn't from the cold.
She went through the motions of her morning as anxiety and guilt hardened into a rock that settled in the bottom of her stomach- solid and unyielding.
"Not that I care-." Honor started sharply after they'd been working on the Christmas Ball decorations for an hour. "But what's your issue? It's creepy and your hand shaking is really throwing off the charms on those ornaments."
"Er-." Lily halted her wand. Honor was right. She was shaking. "Stress, I guess."
"We're all stressed, Evans." The dirty blonde haired girl snapped- her clear eyes sharp and accusing. "It doesn't mean I screw up all our hard work. Do I need to remind you that if we don't do a good job we could face a lot worse punishment?"
Lily walked away instead of responding, letting the Great Hall door slam behind her. Honor should have been thanking her. If she'd stayed chances were the prefect's face would have been cursed off.
This was when normally she would seek out James- the thought of him or his physical comfort.
But something terrible had changed. In those insignificant moments when they were both forced to face the guilt that they deserved something had snapped.
All of the rules that they'd set and then dangerously stretched had been shattered under the weight of Sirius' words.
It couldn't be really broken though. She wasn't ready for that.
This could just be one more thing that never happened.
Without James, her mind jumped to Baker. A vengeful undercurrent caught her in all the worries she'd worked so hard to suppress.
It was all too much…
No matter what activity she attempted, her nerves remained a jumbled mess. When she ran out of useless distractions that night, she made her way back to the Head Suite- dread clinging to every step.
Entering the ominously silent suite, she walked to his closed door with bravery she didn't know she possessed.
"James?" She called out quietly when her knock went unanswered.
Silence. Wiggling the knob, a strange numbness settled in her chest, finding it locked.
It was as if her body was operated under the Imperius Curse, walking to her room calmly and dressing in her nightclothes.
Automatically, her eyes avoided her closed lavatory as if her brain detected something she could not yet process.
When there was nothing else to do, she opened the door and entered the bathroom they shared together.
Everything remained clean and pristine just as she'd left it. The only difference was the closed door that loomed from the Head Boy's side.
There wasn't even the slightest hint that his door had ever been disturbed- the scorch marks vanished and cracked wood replaced.
It was as if it never even happened.
Lily walked silently to the solid wood and placed a hand softly against the smooth grain. She didn't have to check to know it was locked.
It was over. The amber color mesmerized her as she wondered how something as insignificant as a door could have such serious implications.
It never happened.
She stepped away quickly, dropping her hand as if it burned. It was over.
Stumbling, she found her bed and gripped the bedside cabinet where Harvey rested.
It was over. It never happened.
And she was empty.
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Author: I had more trouble getting this chapter out than any other chapter ever. Not only was writer's block an issue, but I also have NO internet connection whatsoever. Hopefully that won't be a problem too much longer.
As insane as it sounds this chapter along with Chapter Eleven: Dates and Mates were initially supposed to ONE chapter, but as you can tell I found a perfect ending spot. The result is a little bit different than my normal chapters. Usually I treat every chapter like a mini story with its on mini plot lines and developments, wrapping up at the end of every chapter, so obviously there are a lot of loose ends.
However the separation of chapters allows a lot more focus on the Christmas Ball and the preparation leading up to it.
For those of you upset that James and Lily's affair ended, I promise you that I'm going to give them proper and healthy relationship they deserve…eventually. I think Lily proved that she isn't ready yet and James has his own issues to work out.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!- for those who took the time to review. I can honestly say this story would take me years if it wasn't for your motivation.
Things to consider in reviews (but honestly any input is appreciated):
ONE. Honor and Lily's catfight
TWO. The metaphor between James and Lily's affair and the bathroom door
THREE. Piper's new behavior- does she know about the affair?
FOUR. Sirius' confessions to James about Lily
FIVE. The end of the affair
Most people seemed to really enjoy the "Behind the Scenes" stuff so I'll be updating with a whole new batch of Chapter Ten facts if you want to check it out on my profile… A lot of it is how my story ties in with cannon and a little about the writing process.