Love and Other Tragedies
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm not making any money.
Previously: (I recommend at least scanning this sections. It includes all previous information that is relevant to this chapter.)
James asked fifth year Hufflepuff, Amarina Diggory, to the Christmas Ball even though he has something weird going on with Piper Prescott too. Piper has always been a thorn of irritation in Lily's side, but her strange behavior lately has Lily convinced that Piper has somehow discovered her affair with James. It was Piper's father who donated the money and suggested the muggle theme for the Christmas Ball.
James ended his relationship with Lily after they were forced to face their guilt over betraying Sirius, but not before Snape walked in on Lily topless and luckily missed James who was under his Invisibility Cloak. Lily was already dealing with not knowing Baker's (aka Harland Simmons, Honor's brother) fate after he disappeared in the Battle of Hogsmeade along with his entire Auror division, the White Cloaks. Lily overheard Dumbledore saying that Slughorn and Crouch were the only professors absent.
Lily promised to get Peter a date to the ball and successfully set up Kat and Remus to go as 'just friends.' Evie decided to go solo and her mystery boyfriend invited her to stay with him during Christmas holiday. Lily hasn't found a date yet, but Callum Palmer did overhear Christos Savales (Greek, beautiful, Quidditch player) asking her to go to the ball and her turning him down.
Luka MacMillan bullied sweet innocent Evie and then Lily caught him having a serious discussion with Professor Crouch, who Lily is convinced is hiding something. Astrid Wilkinson, a fifth year Gryffindor prefect, owes Lily a favor for getting her an invite to the Slug Club Halloween party. Marley McKinnon is the only non-muggleborn girl in the seventh year Gryffindor dorm. She is friendly with Lily, Kat, and Evie, but much better mates with Honor Simmons and Emmeline Vance.
Chapter Eleven
Dates and Mates
"For Merlin's sake, Lovely!" Kat suddenly exclaimed, snapping the Head Girl out of her reverie. "It's a dance not a death sentence!"
Lily was shaken for a moment trying to remember what had been going on a moment ago to cause such a loud reaction, but she hadn't been listening to her friend's conversation at all.
"For two days we've watched you mope about acting as if someone kicked your puppy." Kat's rant continued. "Quit with all this 'feeling right' nonsense and just pick someone!"
The seventh year Gryffindor girls were gathered around a variety of textbooks that scattered messily upon the common room floor. Marley and Kat had organized the impromptu study session, but the Head Girl was quick to agree, dragging Evie along. She was happy to have girl time even if she couldn't admit to them the real reason for her despondent attitude. It was much easier to let them believe she was worried about the upcoming Christmas Ball.
It had been two days since James closed the door on her.
For two days she'd walked around in a fog of numbness, unable to let the title wave of emotion sweep her into a depressed abyss. He'd been her escape and now on top of having to face Baker's uncertain fate, he'd left her with a gaping hole of longing. Because no matter how strongly she wished that "it never happened," she couldn't make her memories forget the taste of his lips or the feel of his hands on her willing body.
There was something more horrible than the physical need though- something that she would have never predicted.
She missed him.
At some point over the countless nights and seemingly meaningless interludes, the boy who could infuriate her faster than anyone she'd ever met, had become her friend. She caught herself thinking of the way he teased her- always tittering on the line honesty, or how he handled her differently than anyone else in her life. He was raw and rough and never made her feel fragile like other boys did. She liked him, needed him, missed him and it killed her.
James' behavior over the past two days made the situation even more maddening.
He had become a ghost in the Head Suite, always a few minutes ahead of her. If it wasn't for the steam that lingered on the mirror in the morning or Snitch disappearing every night, Lily would have believed he'd prolonged his restriction to the Marauders' dorm room.
As crazy as it seemed, she much preferred his avoidance to the way he acted when they were forced to interact.
For six meals and eight classes, James Potter was more polite than he'd ever been to her in their previous seven years of knowing one another. He was friendly and well-mannered and…utterly unaffected.
Lily was alone, feeling ridiculous and silly for putting stock in someone who managed perfectly well in a world where it 'never happened.'
"Did you really turn down Christos Savales?" Marley asked eagerly, leaning forward to take in the gossip.
"He's a sixth year." Kat jumped quickly to her best mate's defense. Her tone was pointed and let the other girls know without a doubt how she felt about sixth years.
Evie sighed wistfully as she twirled a quill between her fingers. "He doesn't kiss like a sixth year."
Marley, Lily, and Kat laughed at the longing on the tall blonde's face. Before Evie had become attached to her mystery bloke, she had spent a good deal of her time at Hogwarts appreciating the male (and sometimes female) student body. It was hard to believe how good at commitment the laissez-faire Gryffindor had become this year.
"If gorgeous, well-toned, Quidditch gods aren't capturing your fancy then who are you going to say yes to?" Marley's blonde kinky hair bounced with her exaggerated head nods. She sounded genuinely curious more than judgmental of Lily's rejection.
"Yes, Lovely, please inform us." Kat was all too eager to jump on this train of thought. She'd been harping on the issue ever since the ball had been announced. "Because you're running out of options… Let's see you rejected Christos Savales, Adrian Rooney, and even that attractive Hufflepuff who never talks to anyone-."
"And I hate to bring this up." Marley cut in with an apologetic face. "But you alienated the most desirable group at Hogwarts by dating and subsequently breaking up with Sirius Black."
"There's Callum Palmer too." Evie added with a matter-of-fact nod. "Everyone knows he's fancied you all year and is waiting for you to say 'jump'."
With a helpless shrug and dejected sigh, Lily relented. "Alright you caught me… The truth is I am waiting on someone. He's wonderful and I think I might be in love with him. I just can't imagine going to the ball with anyone but Luka MacMillan!"
Her dramatic statement was met with stunned, shocked expressions. Lily lasted ten seconds before disintegrating in a howl of laughter that rocked her so hard she had to wrap her arms around her abdomen.
"I swear I won't ever ask about the ball, if you promise to never do that again." Kat's delicate features still held lingering shock from her ex dorm mate's statement.
"Merlin, Lovely!" Marley laughed- assured that it was a joke. "Can you imagine –that personality-less troll with Lovely Lily?"
"He's terrible." Evie added. She didn't find Lily's joke humorous. Her big blue eyes widened, remembering the short time she was forced to be Potions' partners with him before she'd convinced Professor Slughorn to let her trade. "I hope no one will go to the ball with him."
"I don't suppose anyone will." Marley added knowingly. There was a teasing promise of gossip in her tone as she lowered her voice. "Not with the how his family is all mixed up with Death Eaters."
If the other two girls hadn't shushed Marley for the sensitive subject matter, Lily would have littered the Chaser with questions.
She had never heard anything about the MacMillan's being Death Eaters. Not that most families advertised their dark affiliations, but for most part it was rather obvious. Everyone knew about the Blacks, and the Malfoy's, and of course- the Rosier and Avery clans.
The new information took Lily's mind back to a deserted corridor where she'd been trapped listening to Luka MacMillan have a heated conversation with Professor Crouch.
If Luka MacMillan was a Death Eater then could Professor Crouch be involved with the Dark Lord too? Even at the time, Lily had thought the conversation was oddly personal. Her resolve became stronger than ever to discover what the DADA Professor was hiding.
"That was an excellent way to deflect our questions, Lovely." Evie jolted Lily from her paranoid track.
Kat's eyes narrowed seeing the truth of the taller girl's words. "Clever."
"Hey!" Lily was quick to halt another inquisition. "You swore not to mention it again!"
Kat opened her mouth to object, but Evie was already speaking. "I didn't though, and I think there might have been a little bit of truth in what you said about Luka MacMillan."
All three girls looked aghast at the implication.
Evie quickly dismissed their misunderstanding as she continued. "Maybe you really are waiting on someone who you think of as forbidden. You've been full of secrets lately and it would explain why you don't seem interested in all these beautiful boys…"
Lily had no control over the telling blush that slapped across her cheeks with a vengeance. Her thoughts went to James. Not because she was longing for his invitation, but because she had been keeping plenty of secrets lately. She couldn't deny that he was the reason it was so easy to turn down her other suitors.
"It's Piper Prescott, isn't it?" Kat burst out suddenly. "You're in love with her!"
"What!" Lily was thankful for Marley's exclamation because she was too surprised to speak.
"Well, it would explain why she's always near you lately… And it fits with Evie's theory." The raven haired girl's face flushed less severely than Lily's as she defended her question.
"Don't be silly, Kitty-Kat." Evie giggled, relaxed and easy. "If Piper Prescott was a lesbian she would have fallen for me years ago."
It was the eccentric seventh year's comment that finally pushed them over the edge. Lily laughed so hard tears leaked down her face while Kat clutched at her hips as if she was trying not to use the restroom on herself. Marley's fit was strong and silent, shaking her entire body.
"Did you ladies finally get our last prank?" Sirius asked standing over the group of girls with Remus and Peter flanking his sides. "It's really the only excuse for such hysterics."
"No." Evie recovered first. "We were just discussing Lily being a l-."
"Late for my Head duties!" Lily cut her off and added a harmless glare for good measure. It was hard enough seeing Sirius after overhearing his confession without him thinking that she'd broken up with him for a woman. "See you at dinner!"
She was fast, collecting her possessions a blur, before trying to dart around the three Marauders. It was Peter who caught her eyes and delayed her escape. "Er-… I was just wondering about that thing we discussed before…"
Last minute realization stopped her from further embarrassing the shortest Marauder. Honestly, she'd completely forgotten about trying to find a date for him. "It's completely under control. We'll talk later."
Leaving them then, she felt guilty for being so cavalier about having a date to the Christmas Ball. She'd politely declined several blokes, while some people were reduced to begging others to help coerce someone into going with them. The way she'd dismissed decent guys was insulting.
Why hadn't she just said yes?
She would have gone with Peter herself if she didn't think a pity date would only lower his confidence further. With strong conviction Lily decided she would get serious about finding them both dates the next day.
Except that the following morning an article in The Daily Prophet distracted her from her mission.
White Cloaks Still Missing
By Featured Columnist- Camille Collins
A month has passed with no sign of the special Auror division, the White Cloaks. During the hugely successful Battle of Hogsmeade, the White Cloaks were last seen holding off a wave of Death Eaters that were marching on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is safe to say that we owe these heroes the lives of our children, but how long should we hold out hope?
It might be time to consider letting their brave souls rest in peace-
Lily couldn't read further, and she pushed the newspaper away as if the parchment caused the nauseous rolling in her stomach by proximity. Continuing her meal turned out to be impossible and she made excuses before fleeing.
A minute earlier or step faster and her exit would have timed perfectly with Severus Snape's solitary walk from the Great Hall. Lily thanked the powers-that-be it wasn't going to be the day she had to face her old friend. Her steps slowed to ensure that their paths wouldn't cross. Ever since he'd got a good look at her knickers, they'd been avoiding each other soundly. It wasn't terribly different from their normal relationship except for the sharp glares she could feel when she wasn't looking.
"Evans?" A distant voice requested her attention and Lily stopped outside the Great Hall doors.
"Why are you way other there?" Lily asked staring at the puzzling distance that Piper Prescott kept between them.
"You seem to have an adverse reaction when my presence goes unannounced." The Hufflepuff was fresh faced and rosy cheeked with her golden hair braided off her face in a complicated style.
Lily laughed. She even picked up a hint of teasing in Piper's voice that would have normally been dismissed as inflectionless. "Well, I'm almost positive that you want startle me now."
Piper approached briskly. "Would it be acceptable for me to walk with you?"
"Er-…Sure. I suppose that would be fine." The Head Girl tried to be kind, but Piper's recent behavior kept getting odder and odder. "I'm on my way to Charms."
"That is convenient. My first class is History of Magic." She matched her steps with Lily's as they began the journey to the classes that were on the same hallway. Silence settled until Piper spoke again. "My father was pleased with the muggle twists on the ball."
Lily nodded, unsure what to say. The girls were quiet again.
"I was disappointed when Potter asked Amarina Diggory to be his date." The Hufflepuff stated calmly.
Stumbling over her feet, Lily fought to stay reaction less. But what was the proper response to something so random? It made her feel like Piper was testing her. Lily didn't speak, struggling to keep her steps measured and even. Her first instinct was to stride away as fast as she could.
"I think he is very interesting." Piper continued on as if they were discussing the weather. Another beat of silence and she spoke again. "What about you?"
"What?" Lily squeaked and immediately cursed the panic that tinged her voice. Piper was practically baiting her to come clean about her affair with the Head Boy.
"Are you planning on taking a date?" She explained slowly never missing a step.
"Er… I'm not sure yet." Lily's response was rushed and bumbling. "Hopefully, I'll find someone to go that I can have a good time with."
"…Like with James." Piper added thoughtfully.
This time Lily's feet quit without her power and she stared at Piper with horror. "Excuse me?"
If she was concerned by Lily's reaction she didn't show it. "You want to find someone you're comfortable with… Like I wanted to go with James for the same reasons."
Her explanation might have made perfect sense, but Lily was more positive than ever that Piper had some type ulterior motives. It was like she was trying to trick Lily into spilling the secret.
"I don't imagine there are many decent blokes who are still available." The golden haired girl remarked sensibly. "There are only three days until the seventeenth."
Immediately, Lily opened her mouth to refute the statement and then the math calculated in her head.
Three days! Where had all her time gone? It seemed like just yesterday that the headmaster announced the ball. What the bloody hell was she going to do?
Her first action was to get away from Piper Prescott and all her disguised remarks.
Secondly, she ran through a list of things that had to be accomplished by the ball as she sat in Charms.
She needed a date, a girl willing to go with Peter, and a muggle gown. It would be easy to sacrifice her own date as long as the other two objectives got completed.
By the time dinner rolled around, Lily had remembered there was a reason she'd been procrastinating those three tasks.
Mostly because they were completely impossible.
Everyone already had dates and she had no desire to spend her hard earned gold on a stupid dress that she was only going to wear for a couple hours. She'd just have to use magic to make do with something she already owned.
Caught up in her plans, Lily nearly missed Kat's mention of Callum Palmer. Her ears perked up, curious if the Ravenclaw had finally asked some lucky girl to be his date.
"…never seen anything like it. One moment Callum was walking down the corridor and then suddenly Snape cursed him. Snape's always been volatile, but this was completely unprovoked. Poor Callum never even stood a chance."
"Is he okay?" Snape was notoriously practiced in the dark arts and Lily felt immense worry for Callum.
"He was unconscious, but McGonagall was levitating him to the hospital wing last I saw." Kat nibbled at her full plate in between words. "Snape got off free too. He'd run away as soon as he hit his target, but I heard a second year say that she'd seen it with her own eyes and was just too frightened to speak up against Snape."
"Everyone was trying to figure out what Palmer could have done to get on Snape's bad side. Callum's very sweet. Everybody thinks so." Evie added, genuinely perplexed by such mean spirited motives. "I've never even seen them talking before."
"Me either." Kat offered quickly, strangely interested in the turn of conversation. "In fact I'd say the only connection they have other than both being seventh years is…you."
It took Lily a moment to process that her tiny friend was referring to her. "That's-…Don't be silly. That's ridiculous."
She didn't like the idea of being associated with this at all. This didn't have anything to do with her…right?
"Yeah, I'm sure you're right." Kat agreed thoughtfully. "It was just an errant thought."
But long after dinner the thought stayed with Lily. She tried to rationalize the doubt away, but something ebbed at her memory pushing her instincts to consider another alternative.
Snape had been furious with her the last time he'd seen her. "Who's in here!" He demanded again and again, a hideous vein pulsing under the thin skin of his forehead.
She knew for a fact that Severus knew about her date with Callum because he'd harassed her while she'd waited for Callum at the post office during the Hogsmeade trip. If Snape thought that it had been Callum who Lily was with when he'd found her topless, was he capable of such cold unwarranted retribution?
Around and around her mind raced until she ended up waiting patiently for visiting hours to begin outside the hospital wing instead of breakfast the next morning. Surely, Callum would have a little more insight into what triggered the attack.
"I'll have to let myself be cursed in the back more often." Callum greeted her with a good-natured grin after swallowing a yawn. "It's almost worth a wakeup call from the pretty Head Girl… Do all Hogwarts students get the same treatment?"
It was just too easy to be charmed by him. "Nope, I admit it. It's complete favoritism."
"You really know how to make a bloke blush." But he wasn't flushed in the least. Despite his easy charm, the seventh year prefect looked sickly pale. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure, Ms. Head Girl?"
"I heard about what happened and I was worried about you." She told him honestly.
"Well, you're welcome for keeping the gossips busy with something not related to Lily Evans for once. It was really all a ploy to get back in your good graces." His accent grew more pronounced as he talked through a smirk. "See- a Ravenclaw can be a knight-in-shinning-armor too. Most people assume the job is Gryffindor's apply only."
It was uncomfortable hearing him joke that she was somehow involved, especially since her instincts were telling her it was true. Snape had violently attacked an innocent for his mere association with her. All poor Callum had ever done was take her on a proper date and how did she repay him? By getting him attacked by a dark arts obsessed maniac who was convinced that Lily was fooling around Callum.
"What's wrong, Lily?" It was almost too much- the worry on his face. He was trying to comfort her when she'd gotten him into this mess.
Her guilt doubled. "You're the one laying in a hospital bed. What can I do for you?"
"Well, don't look so sad first of all." He shot back, sincerely unhappy that she was visibly upset. "Secondly, quit staring at me like I'm dying. I'm fine. The overnight stay was just Madame Pomfrey being overly precautious. I'll be embarrassing myself on the dance floor at the ball in no time at all."
"I didn't know you were going."
Callum chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her statement. "Isn't everyone?"
"I guess I just hadn't heard any happy girl, bragging about going on your arm."
"That's because my arms will be girl-less." He focused on her with curious amusement.
"Callum?" She asked carefully, trying to shake off the useless nerves.
"Yes, Lily." He answered with polite grace. It was like he was daring her to do it.
"Will you go to the Christmas Ball with me?" Only an unsteady waver tinted her words. It was a lot braver than she felt. They both needed dates and if she could have fun with anyone at Hogwarts besides James, it was Callum. She just hoped he would see it the same way she did.
"On one condition." He said surprising her.
She nodded.
"I won't go with you if you're asking me out of some misplaced sympathy that I've managed to end up in the hospital wing… There are a lot better reasons to want to go with me- take my witty banter skills for instance." He insisted.
It might have been guilt that initially gave her the idea, but in truth she'd been wishing he would ask her all along. "You're giving me way too much credit, Palmer. I'm not that selfless… Really, I only want your body."
His bark of laughter drew the ward's attention and got Lily dismissed from the hospital wing. She had two more tasks to complete anyways and Callum's suggestion that she'd asked him to the ball out of guilt had sparked a strange idea.
She had to hunt the grounds for a while, but eventually she found the person she was looking for. "Astrid, hey!"
The fifth year halted immediately, separating from the group of girls she'd been walking with while she threw them excited looks. "Hi, Lily!"
The younger Gryffindor prefect was her normal bouncing self. She continued to check over her shoulder at her lingering friends as if she hoped as many people as possible were present to witness the cool and popular Head Girl talking to her. The air outside was cold and the wind blistered them, but Lily was too excited to wait until they could get back inside.
"Who are you going to the Christmas Ball with?" She blurted out too excited by her idea to beat around the bush. Maybe, Piper was rubbing off on her.
The freezing wind already left a rosy sheen across Astrid's round face, but there was a visible deepening of color at the question. "Umm… My mates and I decided we'd all go together. We're not really interested in any of the boys in our year."
Lily would have felt bad for embarrassing her, if the young Gryffindor's answer hadn't been exactly what she wanted to hear. "Listen, I have a friend who would love to take you to the ball. He's a seventh year and I can assure you- a real gentleman… Before you answer keep in my mind that you did promise me a favor."
"I'll owe you favors more often if this is how I have to repay them!" The fifth year giggled excitedly. "Even if he is a troll I'll still be the only one of my friends who has a date!"
Huge relief mixed with Astrid's contagious attitude as Lily grabbed her for a hug and kissed both her cheeks. Astrid was positively beaming, knowing her friends had witnessed the whole exchange and would surely support her later statements about what great mates she was with the Head Girl.
"And he's not a troll." Lily smiled coyly. "He's a Marauder."
For a moment a spasm rolled across her face and then Astrid opened her mouth and shrieked. Her friends rushed them, unable to contain their curiosity, and Lily stood surrounded by a group of girls that were all a foot shorter than she was.
"I'm going to the ball!" Astrid wheezed out between sharp intakes of breaths. An audible gasp went through the crowd of girls. "With a Marauder!"
It was impossible to hear anything over the squeals and Lily fought her way out of the ecstatic fifth years that had started jumping up and down, holding each other's hands.
It was a truly disgusting display of the power that the Marauders had over the female population. If Lily hadn't somehow fallen victim to their charms, she might have scolded the girls, but seeing as she'd gone through exactly one-half of the four boys, she didn't really have a leg to stand on.
Her victorious afternoon wasn't even allowed to sink in before she was sitting in her least favorite class this year- Defense Against the Dark Arts.
She couldn't even give a true assessment of Professor Crouch's teaching abilities because her mind was always swamped with paranoid theories instead of paying attention. Everyone else seemed oblivious to their teacher's true intentions. It was starting to feel like the Head Girl's duty to keep a sharp eye out, considering she was the only one to see through the act.
"Ms. Evans, I asked everyone to partner up." The suspicious woman in question caught Lily in her swaying thoughts. Her face was drawn up in distaste and her un-groomed brown eyebrows arched together in contempt.
A subdued giggle went through her peers as Lily snapped out of her daydreams to realize she was the only one not paired up with a classmate. The embarrassment burned into anger when Crouch's face streaked with pleasure at her students' reactions.
"Maybe, if you were paying better attention you wouldn't be the odd student out." The older woman's face twisted into one Lily was more accustomed to on a teenager. She was actually taking joy from embarrassing Lily. "I suppose you can work with me for today."
The Head Girl's jaw clenched, going to stand beside Professor Crouch with jerky movements. She was in enough trouble without mouthing off to someone in a position of authority.
The instructions were set, and then they were assigned to work quietly with their partners perfecting the wand movement required for the difficult spell. Lily turned to her partner with dread.
"Did you even glance over the assigned reading from last night?" It didn't take long for Crouch to criticize Lily's unpracticed wrist.
"Yes, Professor. I read the entire section." She fought hard for the level, emotionless tone her voice perfected. Her bad form had a lot more to do with nerves under Crouch's hawk eyes.
Her disbelieving response only made Lily's shaking worse. "It's a bad time to be slacking on your studies, Ms. Evans. You won't have Hogwarts to protect you next year."
If that wasn't a threat then Lily had never heard one. She waited a moment before responding, completing three perfect movements with her wand. "I completely agree, Professor Crouch… It was very lucky we had Hogwarts and its staff to protect us during the battle."
Even in all the tumult, Lily had not forgotten the two professors Dumbledore had named as absent as she eavesdropped with James the day of the battle. Lily knew exactly where Professor Slughorn had skedaddled too, pushed by his liquid luck. But where had the new DADA Professor disappeared to as the teachers were called to defend them?
The subtle shift of her bland eyes did not fool Lily. For a split second, the professor scanned her expression, checking to make sure whatever secret she kept had not been uncovered. The Head Girl kept her face innocent and sincere.
"Maybe if you studied harder, Ms. Evans, you could protect yourself next time." Her statement was as cool as an autumn afternoon.
Lily knew for certain then that her naïve act hadn't gotten passed Crouch's razor sharp senses.
It was still worth it to the Head Girl. After all, now that Crouch knew Lily had suspicions maybe she'd slip up. One thing was clear though leaving Defense Against the Dark Arts for the last time before holiday- it was game on between them.
At dinner Lily tapped into her Gryffindor bravery and marched to her meal spot with her head held tall.
She was the last to arrive of their spread out eating group. The Marauders clustered together with a bit of space between Honor, Emmeline, and Marley before Lily plopped down with Evie and Kat who lingered at the end. To an outsider they probably looked like one big group and conversations often bled together, but to Lily the lines that separated them were clearer than ever.
"I've asked Callum Palmer to be my date to the ball." She announced piling food on her plate. "You can cease and desist your campaign to couple me off."
Kat took her time drawing out a round of applause until she'd captured the interest of the larger group.
"Good for you, Lovely." Marley's smile was wide and her eyes twinkled with secret input. "I think he's a catch definitely worth the wait."
Lily shoveled food in her mouth so she wouldn't have to respond. Thankfully, Kat was swept up in the next item on her checklist of mandatory tasks of preparation. "What about your gown? A darker green always looks great on you or are you going to continue shocking us with your wardrobe choices like that black dress you wore to my birthday party?"
"I'm just going to make something work that I already own." She felt defensive about her decision. It wasn't like she had a choice anyways, and she wasn't going to waste time mooning over something else she couldn't control. "Can we please talk about something else?"
"I'm just excited! It's going to be a blast and we've all got fun dates." Kat excused her over the top behavior as of late.
Lily glared at her. A brief look of sadness plagued Evie's pretty features. Not everyone had dates.
"Fine, fine." Kat relented begrudgingly. She completely missed Evie's flash of emotion. "Are you really positive you want to stay at Hogwarts over holiday, Lovely? I can always tell my parents to shove it about our lack of space."
"I'm actually looking forward to it." Her answer was half true. She was sure for the first few days the alone time would be wonderful, but she didn't really fancy the idea of spending Christmas alone. It would still be better than spending the break in Petunia's stuffy house or Kat's overcrowded lodging though.
"You do realize that none of our other friends will be here?" Kat asked, outraged by the idea.
"I'll be fine." Lily laughed in reply, but made sure that her determined friend accepted her truth.
In unison, Lily watched the Marauders rise with grace. It was like they choreographed it. She grabbed a roll of her half eaten plate and wished the group goodnight.
Lily couldn't help but notice Honor's eyes that watched with thinly veiled contempt as she followed her boyfriend and his friends out of the Great Hall. There was nothing Lily could do about it though. Was it her fault that to get one of them alone she had to approach all of them?
"Peter!" Lily almost barreled over the group. She hadn't expected them to stop right outside the doors.
Four attractive boys stared back at her with curious eyes.
"I just need a moment." She ignored the others' attention and focused on the shortest one.
Peter's stocky body scuttled after her until she'd gathered enough space to ensure the other Marauders couldn't overhear them.
"I just wanted to let you know that my friend Astrid was looking for a date and I told her that you'd be nice enough to escort her."
Peter blushed and his eyes shot to everywhere that wasn't Lily's face. "Er…I don't think I know her. You're sure she wants to go?"
With gentle words Lily assured him that she was happy to go with him and filled him in where to find the fifth year so they could make further plans. Peter's happy face made all the worry worth it.
It didn't, however, make having to walk the long distance back to the Head Suite with a silent James Potter worth it.
She couldn't have predicted the nosy Marauders hanging around until she'd finished talking to Peter though. It didn't seem like the Head Boy had made the consideration either as his face flashed with realization.
He couldn't very well shun her in front of his friends or else they would want to know why. It was the first time they'd been alone since their relationship had wordlessly ceased.
After two hallways it became apparent that James had every intention of making this journey in silence.
"Good day?" She cursed her stupidity, but the tension was killing her. It wasn't like small talk had ever been their forte.
His head nodded with disinterest. He didn't even glance at her.
Narrowing her eyes, she tried again. "The quidditch match versus Ravenclaw is right after holidays, isn't it?"
Again only a nod signified that she'd spoken at all. Anger boiled under her skin. "I have an idea! Why don't you fake having to tie your shoe or something so you don't have to spend one more second tortured by my presence? Don't worry I'll just continue on my way like NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED!"
Furious tears were barely restrained as she hurried ahead of him. She wanted to run, but wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
He was driving her insane! She'd thought that they'd become friends at least, but he'd flawlessly returned to his careful indifference as if they hadn't shared something undeniably intimate. The Truth Mirror forced her to stop long enough to gain entrance and she realized that he'd done exactly what she sarcastically asked. He couldn't even manage to be in the same corridor with her. Standing alone with nothing to do but study the stone walls was a better option than being near her.
A new round of angry sobs hit as she slammed her door and collapsed on her bed.
She wasn't a crier and most times when she did shed tears it was because she was more angry than anything else. It was like the emotion of rage was too much to hold inside and it leaked out as tears.
Trying to find relief, Lily rolled over to where her precious Harvey stared at her with concern from his aquarium. Immediately, she wiped at her face trying to appear chipper. The last thing she needed was her Knut sized turtle worrying after her well-being.
Harvey, who had always been an energetic ball of emerald happiness, had dimmed seriously in color and spirit. His shell had turned an ugly pale color and most of the time Lily found him sleeping rather than playing nowadays.
She'd written Mr. Price as soon as she'd noticed the change, but the medicine and advice her old employer sent her hadn't made much of a difference. If she didn't know any better, Lily would think that the end of her fling with James was somehow connected.
She soothed a finger down Harvey's shell. Of course, it was affecting him. She was stressing him out. A palpable negativity probably radiated off her.
"Don't worry about me, Harv." She told him sincerely. Her nurturing hand never left his back. "These are teenage troubles. You're much too young for these yet."
Lily fell asleep feeling a lot better and Harvey looked a lot worse when she woke up.
With reluctance she left him for classes, but planned to come back whenever she could to check on him.
It was the last day of classes and the professors all seemed to be in the Christmas spirit after their exams, letting them go early. Between class and running back to the suite to see Harvey, the day passed in a blur.
Before she knew it the day of the Christmas Ball had arrived.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Kat eyed Lily's angry fork that stabbed her eggs with a vengeance. "It's already dead. You don't have to kill it again."
"I'm dead too." Her melodramatic answer came as a result of faking so much happiness around Harvey and bottling up her real stress. "Or at least I'm going to die of embarrassment when I have to go to the ball tonight in my knickers."
"That sounds like a fantastic idea actually." Callum's voice came from behind Lily and she glared at Kat and Evie for not warning her of his approach.
"Be careful what you wish for." She turned with faux cheerfulness to her date. "Are you ready for me to trample all over your feet on the dance floor?"
"I'm looking forward to it." His smile was warm and genuine in response. "Should I pick you up at the Head Suite? How does that work exactly? I've never been inside for anything other than a prefect meeting."
"Callum Palmer I invite you to come into my suite whenever you need me." It wasn't even a fake smile that spread across her face anymore. If for no other reason she was excited to go to the ball just to spend time with Callum. "There- you're good to go... I'll see you later."
"I could always come help you with your dress, Lovely." Evie offered when Lily's date was out of earshot.
Lily considered all of her blonde friend's magical miscues- most of the time Evie did a lot more harm than good.
Sensing her unease, Evie jumped in again. "I promise to participate in an advice role only."
"Okay, just come by later." The Head Girl's mind flashed to the wardrobe full of clothes she had no clue how to alter. "I invite you into my suite whenever you need me."
With no other choice, Lily headed to the library after breakfast. She was sure there were a few books about magical clothing alteration.
Two hours later, she filed out of the library with three measly books. They were dusty from disuse and she had no idea if they'd be any help at all (one was written in the 1700's), but they were better than nothing. She dropped them back in the Head Suite before heading to the Great Hall for a quick lunch.
Only a sparse amount of students ate lunch under the charmed ceiling- most of the older students were already primping for the ball, while everyone below fifth year prepared to leave on the Hogwarts Express later in the afternoon. For the students attending the festivities, the Hogwarts Express would be back in the morning to usher them home to London.
An increasingly familiar presence approached Lily as she cut through the halls heading back to her room.
"Happy Christmas, Evans." Piper said walking up to Lily slowly. Apparently, she'd taken the Head Girl's sensitive nerves seriously.
Lily returned the sentiment. It was getting easier and easier to be around the Hufflepuff.
"I have something for you." Lily couldn't see Piper's face through her golden locks as she stared at her feet and rushed out the words like they burned her mouth.
Out of all the strangeness lately, this had to take the cake. Piper seemed…nervous. It was an unbecoming emotion on her and Lily instantly hated it. Piper was all proper and predictable. She always said exactly what she thought.
And suddenly Lily realized with surprise that she actually liked Piper. When had that happened? There was something reliable and true about someone who spoke their mind.
"Okay." Lily said with a mix of horror at her realization and Piper's out of character behavior.
As if her simple statement had erased whatever nervousness plagued Piper, her face cleared into its normal poised perfection. Shuffling through her bag for a moment, Piper met Lily's eyes when she finally shoved a pristine box into the Head Girl's hands.
"It's a set of mirrors." Piper blurted out while Lily still stared at the simple blue box in confusion. "You can communicate through them."
She was giving her a present? It was as if the wires of Lily's brain were stumped into misfires. Why would Piper get her a Christmas gift?
"My father found an old shop in Germany that had all kinds of magical knickknacks. When he wrote me about finding three pairs of them, I knew they would make excellent presents for you and James since-…since we're…Friends?"There was no mistaking the hopeful question that lingered in Piper's otherwise confident words.
And just like that all her unusual actions over the past weeks made perfect sense.
The only friend that Piper ever had was Hester Sprout and they'd bonded at age eleven. Piper had absolutely no idea how to make a friend.
Lily felt horribly silly remembering how Piper had sought her out time and time again. The Hufflepuff hadn't been trying to force Lily into admitting something was going on with James. She'd been trying to be friends with Lily in the only ways she knew how.
She had even tried to open up to Lily about James asking someone else the dance besides her. Blinded by her paranoia, Lily hadn't been able to see what was so obvious now.
"Yes." The redhead was strong in her resolve, trying to assure Piper with confident grin. "We're friends."
And even though Piper would sooner cut off her own nose than admit it, Lily could see the tension roll away from her. She really did need a friend."I got a set for James too. Do you think he'd like it?"
Knowing that Piper was completely socially inept made interpreting her deeper meaning clear. When James had asked Amarina Diggory to go to the Christmas Ball with him, Piper had construed it as him dismissing their friendship. Lily spoke carefully."Potter loves presents… You know, I'm not sure that he's romantically interested in Amarina."
"That's too bad. He's a very nice boy. I think he has a problem connecting with girls though." Piper remarked sincerely.
"You're not interested in James?" She asked cautiously.
"I thought so at first, but we're much better as friends. He has a certain detached quality that can be rather frustrating."
James was probably just as lost with Piper as Lily was. She'd have to find a way to tip him off to her true intentions if he wasn't already aware. He did have a way of reading people that Lily could never grasp though.
"It's getting late." Piper said suddenly. "I'll see you at the ball…Lily."
The importance of getting back to her room set in as she raced the whole way- lost in thoughts of emergency dresses she could pull together.
"Cutting it a bit close aren't you, Lovely?" Evie was waiting on her bed when Lily burst into the room.
"No time for talking." She was a blur rushing across the room to her wardrobe and dragging everything she owned into the floor. "This has officially become an emergency situation."
"I think I can help with that." Evie stated calmly, and Lily looked up from her frantic search.
The pretty blonde hadn't moved an inch since Lily's arrival. Her hair was braided in a casual bun that didn't look appropriate for the ball in the least and her clothes were comfortable but crisp. They were much too nice for lounging.
"What's going on?" Lily's senses prickled. Something was going on.
With slow careful movements, Evie lifted up a garment bag and easily lowered the zipper. "What about this?"
The floor length gown was made out of expensive looking blue fabric that sparkled when the light bounced off it. It was appropriately low cut with a surprising slit that peaked out when Evie twirled the dress for her inspection.
"That's yours." Lily objected.
"Lovely, I'm sure we could make a fairly solid attempt at creating you a gown, but it seems kind of unnecessary… I have this beautiful dress and I'd much rather you wear it and be happy. Because this-." She shook the dress at Lily. "Is a happy girl dress and all I would do is miss someone in it."
Struggling against the fullness that clogged her throat, Lily managed to speak. "But what about you?"
"I'm going to go back to London and surprise Xeno a night early." She declared happily.
"Xeno?" Lily's sentimental tears spilled out with her giggle. "You're mystery bloke's name is Xeno?"
"Xenophilius, actually." The blonde smiled proudly. "Xenophilius Lovegood."
"You're sure about this, Evie?" Lily reached out to run an appreciative hand down the silky material.
She giggled. "Honestly, you're doing me a favor, Lovely. Now I don't have to feel guilty about wasting such an expensive dress."
"Thank you." Lily wrapped her arms tightly around her friend when she stood to leave. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her.
In response, Evie leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. Lily didn't move confused by the much more than platonic kiss.
"Er- what was that for?" Lily asked fighting off giggles when Evie finally leaned out of the kiss.
"I just wanted to see if you were as good of a kisser as everyone says." She explained like it was completely normal. "I figured you'd be thankful enough to let me."
"Well?" The Head Girl prodded when Evie walked to the door without filling Lily in on her findings.
"You were better." Evie tossed the words over her shoulder before exiting he room as calmly as she'd come.
All the excitement of the day left her to get ready in a third of the time that the other females of Hogwarts had taken advantage of. She used magic to straighten her hair and then re curl it. The old trick gave her hair a more glossy and defined array of curls. The old muggle way was better for makeup though. It created cleaner lines and a fresher look.
The dress was an interesting fit. She and Evie weren't exactly the same size. While both slender and tall, Lily's hips curved with well proportioned curves and the dress was tighter on her than Evie. At least Evie was blessed with a little more in the bust than Kat or the dress would have been obscene.
As it was, the dress had a certain sexy quality that Lily wouldn't have normally picked out for herself, but it was far from vulgar.
"Beautiful." Callum complimented when Lily came to greet him in common room of the Head Suite. "You look really beautiful, Lily."
"And you're quite dashing as well." She smiled taking in his muggle attire. The refined look only made him more attractive. His light blue eyes sparkled back at her.
They stared shyly at each other, unsure what came next.
"Should we go?" She took charge of the uncertain situation. "I'd love to find Kat and Remus. She's been keeping her dress a secret."
He took her hand as she conquered the stairs in her heels. "Kat and Lupin? I didn't see that coming."
Scared that their conversation would evaporate, Lily grasped onto a subject that she had something to talk about. Her voice had a nervous breathless quality as she spoke. "They'll tell you they're just friends, but I'm positive they fancy each other."
"Sounds complicated." Callum ran a hand through his dark curly hair.
Their conversation continued with a little force, but it didn't take long before they were entering the transformed Great Hall.
Her date went to find them a drink and Lily was left alone to appreciate her hard work.
The clear sky above allowed the twinkling stars to cast a soft glow down on the students that poured in. Tall muggle Christmas trees had been charmed to float off the ground and dark crimson ribbons twisted with white unsupported above the crowds. It was simple and classy. The small details made the room charming and didn't overdo it.
"I found your friends." Callum reappeared at her side and took her hand again.
She let him lead her back into the bustling throng and smiled politely when random students congratulated her on the beautiful job she'd done with the decorations.
Smaller round tables had replaced the normal ones and they circled around the dance floor that took up most of the available space. Kat and Remus along with Astrid and Peter were seated at one of the tables that was draped by a crimson tablecloth.
Lily opened her mouth to compliment Kat's flowing Grecian style dress when Professor McGonagall appeared in her normal wizarding robes. "You're needed at the front, Ms. Evans."
Once again Lily threw herself into the jostle of the crowd as she fought her way to the front of the Great Hall. Students were trying to find their places before Dumbledore's speech and she struggled against the mass of bodies. A quiet had just settled over the room when Lily finally broke free and nearly stumbled.
A strong hand kept her from falling and a chuckle swept the crowd that had just spat her out.
"Thank you for joining us, Ms. Evans." Headmaster Dumbledore's booming voice quieted the students as he eyes twinkled with amusement.
Dumbledore and the other professors along with some people Lily didn't recognize stood at the peak of the dance floor. The crowd that had just swelled now rescinded leaving the Head Girl abandoned in front of the important assembly of people.
"Our wonderful Head Boy and Girl, ladies and gentlemen!" The headmaster brought his hands together in applause that the Great Hall adopted.
Lily looked up shocked, noticing for the first time that it had been James who stopped her from falling on her face. He wasn't looking at her though. His jaw was clenched and the stiff hand he gripped her arm was almost painful as he yanked her to where Dumbledore motioned them to stand at the end of the group of adults.
As his speech continued Lily couldn't help from checking James' expression out of the corner of her eye. It was like he was in physical pain having to stand so close to her. Was she really that repulsive?
She knew she should be paying attention to the speech, but she was too perplexed by the sudden change in James' attitude. He'd gone from ignoring her to looking like he could barely stand the sight of red hair.
When he abruptly walked away, it took her a few seconds to realize that Dumbledore was finished.
The music began and now she was forced to weave through the dancing students that poured onto the dance floor. For the most part it was easy to dodge stopping to chat with scattered couples, but when Piper met her eyes she knew that she had to make an effort.
"The decorations look very festive. I'm impressed with your use of color." Piper said directly.
Lily mustered up a smile at the compliment. Piper and Christos Savales looked marvelous together. He was almost too pretty in his dark grey suit, and Piper's green dress was flattering and modestly cut.
"Father is around here somewhere and he would love to meet you." Lily got a good view of the complicated up-do that held her golden locks as she swiveled her head searching for her father.
"There you are!" Callum snaked an arm around her waist. "I thought I'd lost you."
Lily gave Piper an apologetic smile and then instructed her where to find their table when she found her father.
"So what made you turn down Savales?" Callum asked as they made their way back to the table. Apparently seeing the younger boy had reminded Callum of her rejection. Lily had forgotten about him overhearing Christos' invitation. "Isn't he supposed to be kind of big deal with the ladies?"
"Quidditch." She joked, but it irritated her that he might categorize her so shallowly. "I've already got an ex boyfriend on the Gryffindor team so I didn't want to cause any discord."
He laughed, amused by her blasé attitude. "You don't care about the Quidditch relations between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw?"
"Oh, I have more house pride than you think." She teased with a sparkling smile. "This is all secretly a plot to increase hostility and insure a win for Gryffindor."
He laughed, pulling out a chair for her at the full table. Lily was just about to relax into the seat and indulge in a gossip session with Kat, when a familiar hand wrapped around her forearm. "James…What are you doing?"
"I don't like this any more than you do, but the Head dance is traditional." He snapped with defined irritation and remained solid in his resolve to not meet her eyes.
"Fine." She yanked her arm free of his hold. "Just give me a minute."
He disappeared, accepting her request without a word.
"Bloody hell." Callum sounded dumbfounded. "What did you do to Potter? I've never seen him treat anyone so coldly. Even with the Slytherins at least he's playing pranks on them."
She shrugged glaring in the direction the Head Boy had just gone. "He's an ass… I'm sorry to leave you again, but I'm kind of on probation after the whole catfight with Simmons. Messing with tradition would probably be frowned upon."
"I'm fine, Lily." He assured her. "Go do what you have to… Don't let the Head Boy tire you out though. I'm expecting a few dances myself."
"Everyone please turn your attention to the first official dance." An unidentifiable voice boomed through the room with obvious magical assistance as Lily made her way to the middle of the hall.
She was happy to notice that the Head Boy and Girl were far from the only dancing partners getting ready to waltz. In fact they'd be lucky to be noticed in the sea of ministry officials and famed Aurors that paired off together.
She hadn't predicted having such difficulty relocating James. Usually she had almost a sixth sense awareness of him.
The sixth year couple in front of Lily turned in a new direction and suddenly James stood before her.
She'd been too caught up in analyzing his behavior before to notice how truly handsome he looked tonight. His suit was perfectly tailored and didn't look a bit silly on him like it did on some of the other purebloods. In fact, Lily very much doubted that anyone else- muggle or magical- could look as good as he did at that moment.
"Are you just going to stand there and stare or can we get this over with?" He asked gruffly. Sliding past her to join the others participating, he didn't wait for an answer.
She followed him to an open space amongst the older group. They were the only students partaking and the rest filled in the surrounding tables while others circled the dance floor, watching and waiting for their turn to join.
A slow elegant note of music slinked through the air and all around them couples joined. Lily stared at him expectantly. If he thought she was going to initiate contact after his volatile streak tonight, he was nutters.
Finally he took her hand and despite his unattractive behavior, Lily was ashamed at how her body came alive at the close proximity.
When their eyes had no choice but to meet, Lily's mind went back to the last time they'd embraced in the Great Hall. It filled her with sadness. Couldn't they at least be friends? She understood that betraying Sirius was wrong, but hadn't he grown to like her as a person. Why didn't he want her like she wanted him?
"Callum Palmer, huh?" He shocked her with his first question. His eyes bore relentlessly into her. "Bit of a swot- not really my taste."
"Well, then it's a good thing that he's my date- not yours." Lily shot back meeting his glare evenly. "What's your problem, Potter?"
"Back to surnames so soon?" The cold edge to his voice cut into her.
The uneven circles of their dance steps were proof of their distraction. They'd already nearly run over an elderly couple in their graceless shuffle.
"I wouldn't want to be too personal. It's not like we're friends or anything." Angry disbelief fueled her spiteful words.
All emotion evaporated from his face and the boy who stared at her was the same indifferent one that she'd been dealing with the past week. Nothing could have made her angrier in that moment and she purposefully stomped on his foot as hard as she could before turning on her heel and marching away.
It was nice to join the chaotic swarm of students this time. She was just one in a hundred- her steaming path directionless, letting different currents of students lead her. Near the back doors a forceful hand grabbed her and she dragged her feet against James, who was towing her out of the Great Hall.
Her demands to be released were ignored down several twisting hallways until the noise of the ball was muffled and surreal.
"You oaf!" She shouted when he finally dropped her arm. Blood rushed back down her limb that his bruising hold had been preventing. "You arrogant asshole! What do you think you're doing? You- You-You great big toerag! You can't just go around kidnapping innoc-."
His mouth smashed into hers with the need of a thousand repressed desires. There was no resisting as he forced her lips to respond. She wouldn't be bullied though, equaling his needy pressure and pulling a handful of his hair harshly. He moaned in pleasure or maybe it was pain. Lily was satisfied with either outcome.
Their bodies hit the wall in a tangled mess. The thin straps of her dress slipped off her shoulders as he rained punishing kisses down her neck and his hands fondled her naked breasts. Her hands shook, trying to handle the delicate buttons of his shirt until she gave up near the bottom and used a little muscle to rip the rest open. Gentle taps echoed through the hall as the buttons scattered in all directions. She didn't waste an inch of the victory, feeling every muscle with greedy hands.
The uncontrolled whine that slipped through her lips when he suddenly ducked out of her exploration surprised even her. It was only momentary and soon he was in front of her again dragging her gown up with him. With teasing misdirection he caressed the exposed skin of her thighs and trembling abdomen. Finally, a single digit slipped into her knickers and then another.
"Take them off." She demanded grasping onto his shoulders so she didn't collapse at the pleasure. He was helpless to decline any of her requests when they were like this. She wondered if it was because he used up all his 'no's' in everyday life.
Snagging the garment down her legs with impressive speed, he returned to his previous action.
"Not on the floor." She fought off the lust to stop him from dropping her knickers on the ground. "Might forget them."
He glanced down at the black fabric questioningly before shoving them in his pocket. Why did he still have on trousers? She worked the buckle with frantic vigor until she could force them off his hips. For just a moment she wrapped her hands around his backside and gave his bum a squeeze. She'd missed his ass. It was a very nice asset.
They worked each other up until throaty moans filled the corridor, threatening to expose them. Lily doubted she could have stopped if Dumbledore himself walked up on them.
And when he plunged into her the first time she might have stopped breathing. With her beautiful dress hiked around her waist and one hand braced on the wall for support, he entered her again and again. It was rough and raw. His thrusts were so hard that she forgot her own name, but there was something undeniably vulnerable about it too.
They finished together and he fell forward, burying his head in her shoulder. For long moments they stayed like that until he pulled away looking broken and distraught.
Horrified at the sudden change, she busied her hands rearranging her dress and smoothing out her hair. He moved away, almost putting the entire width of the hall between them as he fixed his clothes. She couldn't resist sneaking a peak at him as she struggled to lace her heels back into place.
His face was twisted with disgust. The pain that ripped into her side was like someone stabbed her. He was repulsed by her.
"I don't see how you can do that- feel that-." Her bitter voice sliced through the silence with vengeance. "And still hate me."
His rage was sudden, moving back to her in a flash. A solid fist smashed into the wall beside her head and it was a miracle his bones didn't crumble from the force. Warm breath hit her face he stood so close, and she could see the hurricane that stormed in his hazel eyes. "Don't you get it?"
Taken aback, Lily froze, unable to reply to the words he'd just shouted at her.
"I don't hate you." He spat bracing tense arms on either side of her frightened face. As scary as the outward display of fury was, Lily could see something much more terrifying lurking beyond the surface. "I hate myself!"
"Why?" Her voice trembled.
"Because I love you." His wrath overcame him as unthinkable truths poured from his lips. "You're so blind! I've been trying not to love you since I was eleven years old- maybe longer than that. Maybe I was born with the inexplicable affliction to be in love you."
An ugly laugh broke out of his lips before he continued. "I had been doing so well too. You just had to go and fall asleep in the common room. I tried to ignore you and slip up to my dorm- I should have- but the longer I stood there the angrier I got. Not just at you for losing yourself, but at myself too… When I called you pathetic that night it was my own weakness that fueled me. I'm the one that's pathetic and you are the one who made me this way."
"It's like some awful curse or addiction. Can you believe I actually convinced myself that I was getting you out of my system at first? That night on the Quidditch pitch was the best nightmare I've ever had…I just- I can't control myself with you! Even after everything I was still sure that I could be stronger- that I could do better. My feelings for you make me this stupid, selfish, awful person who would betray his best friend…"
His spiraling tone was barely a whimper as he finished. "I never meant for any of this to happen- Merlin yes, I wanted it- but it shouldn't have… It's wrong."
"We're wrong." He stared at her with sadness and pity for a moment longer before leaving her alone. His direction steered opposite the Great Hall.
Her thoughts were a chaotic jumble of disorder, crashing again and again like the ocean's relentless waves. She couldn't make one clear, defined thought.
A strange burst of applause tore through the Great Hall, loud even from a distance. Joyous shouts joined in, and it wasn't so much curiosity that led her back to the hall as it was the feeling that she was supposed to be inquisitive.
Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, she made her way back slowly. The numb curtain that dimmed her senses made it feel like she was looking at the world from underwater. The booming raucous stayed constant though, and she reentered the festive hall confused.
It wasn't beautiful anymore. The decorations looked fake like someone who didn't understand Christmas at all had picked them out. A cloud of students blocked her view from the excitement, and the noise was starting to sound like buzzing in her ears.
"Once again I am thrilled to announce the return-." Someone's voice sent the students into another tizzy.
The words didn't register though until the crowd shifted restlessly, giving her a clear view of the front of the room.
It was like the plug had been pulled on the water that dulled her surroundings as Baker's familiar face filled up her vision with dazzling color. He was standing with a whole group of men and woman who must have made up the White Cloaks.
His smiling eyes were darting eagerly from face to face and it didn't take long for his eyes to meet hers across the room. For one brilliant moment his expression lit up and it was like a shot of sunshine right to her heart. Just as suddenly though, he took in the rest of her appearance and his jaw set with determination.
Without faltering his gaze, he cut out of the line and headed straight through the crowd. Curious students stepped out of his way creating a clear path until he was only a few steps away.
She launched her body at him, squeezing him as hard as she could. Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she made a noise that was half sob half laugh. He held onto her too- her feet barely clearing the ground in his taller embrace. His deep voice murmuring softly was music to her ears. "Let's get out of here and then you can tell me what's wrong."
She laughed, pulling back to look at his face. How did he always know? Sometimes it felt like Baker was made for her. The full weight of realizing that she might have never gotten to see him again finally washed over her and her legs shook dangerously after he'd set her down.
"This better have at least a little to do with my disappearance." His scar wrinkled as he joked.
Wrapping a supportive arm around her waist, an audience watched them leave quietly. The Auror and Head Girl never noticed, surrounded by a bubble that was only big enough for the two of them.
"Where are we going?" She asked tucking her head into his warm chest when they were alone.
"Home." His arms squeezed her tighter like he could protect her from whatever unknown source caused her pain.
A single hot tear fled down her face. She didn't have a home- no parents, no safe place, no unconditional love. "Where is that?"
He stared down at her, quirking his mouth into her favorite smile. "It's with me, Whiskey."
Lily didn't think anything had ever sounded so lovely.
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Author: I love my reviewers. You guys are truly the greatest. I can't even say how much you all help with this labor of love.
So things took a bit of a turn. Lily isn't the only one who has some issues to work through. I think James is due is own time to work through some things. It isn't like Lily is ready yet either though. They'll find their way.
I swear not to drag out them "getting together" just for the sake of angst… But they've both still got a lot of 'stuff.' If I write it properly you should enjoy the journey just as much as the destination.
The thing I love about Love and Other Tragedies is that beyond just Lily and James getting together, there is a whole lot of story left to tell. I always hate stories that end right when they get together. I think the story after they both sort out their issues is just as important to explore. It's like the final test.
Things to possibly keep in mind if you'd like to review:
ONE. Lily's decision to go to the ball with Callum
TWO. Lily and James' opposing reactions to the end of the affair
THREE. Professor Crouch
FOUR. Baker's return
FIVE. Lily's realization about Piper
SIX. Evie is Luna's mother! The mystery bloke has been Xenophilius Lovegood all along.
SEVEN. The angry sex
EIGHT. Do you have any expectations for Lily's holiday with Baker?
NINE. James' confession/behavior at the ball
I'll be adding new "Behind the Scenes." I'll go through the clues that Evie is Luna's mother, and make all the cannon connections you might have missed.