Love and Other Tragedies
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm not making any money.
Previously:
James used the big "L" word, but didn't exactly bring about the warm fuzzies with Lily considering he yelled it at her and she has barely even come to terms with being his friend.
Honor Simmons has elected Lily as her personal nemesis and seems to believe that Lily is trying to ruin her life. Even now that she's dating her longtime crush and Lily's ex boyfriend, Sirius Black, she still refuses to let the one sided rivalry go.
Baker (aka Harland Simmons, Honor's older brother) came back from the dead at exactly the right time, whisking Lily away from Hogwarts for holiday. Baker had been awarded The Ring of Honor for his brave act in the war, and promoted to the elite Auror division, the White Cloaks. Thanks to his good looks and charm the Ministry of Magic branded him the face of the war against Voldemort. In one of Baker's letter's he mentioned a fellow Auror, Claribell Begum, who he thought Lily would like for her love of teasing him.
Snape and Lily's disintegrating connection took another hit when Snape walked in on Lily having relations with James, though he could only see Lily topless and not James hidden underneath his Invisibility cloak. Lily knows Snape is under the impression it was Callum with her and Snape put the Ravenclaw in the hospital as retribution.
Lily visited the Simmons' household during the summer when Honor threw a party while her parents were out of town. Lily and James talked for the first time about his outburst and calling her pathetic.
Harvey, Lily's Knut sized turtle, is sick and unhappy.
When Lily first met Harland at The Leaky Cauldron, he refused to give her his name so with a little help from a drunk patron he became Baker. His return nickname, Whiskey, came from Lily's preference for the muggle liquor.
Emmeline Vance and Marley McKinnon are Honor's best mates.
Lily got a letter from Petunia saying she and Vernon had moved back to London.
Piper Prescott gave Lily her friendship and also a two-way mirror.
Alledora Crouch (Professor Crouch) teaches DADA and has forced Lily's suspicions by acting strangely, sneaking around in the middle of the night, and having an intensely personal conversation with Luka MacMillan who Marley told Lily is mixed up with Death Eaters like his whole Pureblood family.
Chapter Twelve
The Most Wonderful
Unfamiliar sounds woke Lily early the next morning. The sweet clang of metal, a chair screeching across the floor, deep rumbling voices muffled by distance. But it wasn't until the mouth watering smell of bacon wafted into her nose that she allowed sleep to fully leave her.
Opening her eyes she assessed the soft blue walls and messy disarray that covered every available surface. She was pretty sure there was a chair covered in robes in the corner and possibly a small desk under mountains of scattered knickknacks on the other side of the bed. The only other thing free of debris besides the bed was a simple fireplace at the head of the room. The space beside her was currently empty, but as she moved her hand along the warm fabric she was sure it hadn't been abandoned for long.
They'd arrived in the wee hours of the morning flooing directly into Baker's room from Hogsmeade.
Lily had collected the minimal amount of possessions required, dumping everything else out of her heavy trunk, and kissed the glass of Harvey's aquarium goodbye. Mr. Price had been clear that any new environment would only cause the miniature turtle stress, and Lily had charged two friendly house elfs with taking care of Harvey. They'd assured her that if anything went wrong one of them would find her immediately.
Some alone time would probably be best for her sick pet anyways. She looked forward to seeing his emerald shell shining and happy waddle on return to the castle.
A satisfying stretch elongated her body and after sitting up in bed, she tried to flatten her wild auburn hair. It hadn't taken Baker any time at all to complain that she'd gone back to her normal hairstyle opposed to the dark straight locks he preferred. It was all in good fun though.
Their whole night had been fun. Falling back into the easy banter had taken no effort at all, and even though they'd both made several attempts to address more serious subjects their giddiness of being reunited always won out. There was plenty of time for serious later.
A sudden cloud of ash and emerald flames from the fireplace startled Lily.
She didn't even have time to grab for her wand in defense when a woman stepped into Baker's room and met Lily's eyes. The Head Girl gathered up blankets around her undressed form. She'd gone to sleep wearing an old shirt of Baker's, but she wasn't accustomed to the heat he radiated in his slumber and she'd struggled out of her nightclothes at some point, sweating.
Finally, the woman sighed, disgruntled. She tucked a strand of light brown hair behind her ear and grumbled. "Well, you're completely gorgeous."
"Er…thank you?" Lily didn't quite know how to return the would-be compliment. "Are you a friend of Ba- I mean Harland?"
"It figures the best mate he's always talking about would be a ruddy supermodel." Her creamy brown eyes continued to study Lily as her senseless rant poured on. "And you're still at Hogwarts! I don't think I even knew a proper blemish spell when I graduated…Oh, the injustice."
It didn't seem like the stranger was going to personally acknowledge her, so she took her time giving her a once over.
Lily had never been good with identifying ages, but it was safe to say the girl's fresh face was somewhere around Baker's age. Her light brown hair and eyes were both wild and blunt, giving her a very enduring quality. She was very natural without even the slightest hint of makeup, and her attire was all loose fitting and neutral.
"I'm Claribell Begum." She suddenly snapped out of whatever interior dilemma bothered her. "Sorry about that… You surprised me."
Lily smiled cautiously. "I'm Lily Evans. I think Harland went to tell his parents that he invited me to stay over Christmas. I'm sure he'll be back in a minute."
The Auror in question opened the door then, saving Lily from having to wait alone with Claribell Begum. He glanced at her quickly, with no surprise to find her standing in his bedroom. "You meet Whiskey, Begum?"
Both girls stared at him, nodding. Oblivious, he hurried across the room to Lily's side and hoisted her out of bed, grinning the whole time. "Hurry up! It snowed last night!... Oh and Mum and Dad want to meet you."
Lily glared at him. Of course, he wouldn't think a thing about exposing her in her knickers and bra. He held her firmly when she made a dash for the cover of the bed and she cut her eyes pointedly to the third person in the room.
"Begum is an Auror with me… Bit questionable how she got in if you ask me." His mocking tone was lowered in fake insult. "But she's alright once you get passed the spastic outbursts."
Claribell laughed genuinely, surprising Lily. "I'd rather be spastic and get to actually do some good than have my pretty face be the most useful thing about me."
His boisterous laughter filled up the room, but his eager attention had already slipped back partially to Lily. His nose wrinkled as if she smelled sour. "The loo's across the hall. You need a bath and for goodness sake- put on some clothes... Were you raised in a barn? You can't just meet someone's mum and dad in your knickers… Leave me and Begum to discuss some adult business."
She fought a smile at his faux admonishment and stomped on his foot as she marched passed him to grab a robe from her trunk. It was impossible not to be effected by his happiness.
She even giggled when Claribell mumbled under her breath as Lily passed. "A bloody knicker model."
When she reentered the room fresh from a lengthy shower, it was empty.
It was pretty obvious that Ms. Claribell Begum had a lot more on her mind than friendship with Baker. Lily tested her emotions at the thought.
There was an itch of distaste, but it felt more like possessiveness than jealousy. Baker deserved to be happy. Nothing would please her more. She just didn't want anyone taking him away from her. It might have been silly, but she couldn't help how she felt.
She made a mental note to feel the situation out from Baker's end later.
An incessant knocking interrupted Lily's dressing process and she grabbed her favorite trousers quickly, trying to shimmy them up her hips. "One minute."
Baker had to be the most impatient person she had ever met and she glared at the door as his tapping continued. She kept slipping on his mess though and she had to lie across the bed and lift her hips to finish easing on her pants. "Fine, come in! It's not like it's something you haven't seen before."
"You've got that right." Sirius spoke taking in her stunned position, clad only in trousers and lace bra. He was fully dressed on the other hand and looked handsome enough to be starring in an advertisement for hot chocolate or something else warm and Christmas related. "I'll admit this is a bit friendlier than I was expecting."
How did this always happen to her! The universe must absolutely love messing with her because she couldn't count the number of times she'd been exposed to someone in the past year. It was really truly unfair. At least she had on pants this time.
He tossed her the shirt laid across her trunk and she slipped it on without comment. Her flaming face was enough to let him know she hadn't done it on purpose. "What are you doing here?"
He raised his eyebrows like she was absurd. "I'm spending holiday with my girlfriend… Everyone saw you leave with Honor's brother last night and I just wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be awkward with us both staying here… I can always go to the Potter's."
"No." She exclaimed with a little more vigor than necessary, but she had to fight off a startled gasp at the Head Boy's surname. Calming down, she continued in a more appropriate voice. "We're both adults. I don't see why we can't handle this in a mature way."
He nodded, tucking a black strand of hair behind his ear. An unsure moment passed and he remained in the doorway. His face was serious and eyes undecided like there was something else he wanted to say. "Honor and Harland are outside. It snowed."
She nodded uncertain of how to reply and sure that his statement wasn't what he initially planned.
Her ex-boyfriend left without another word.
Lily really shouldn't have been surprised. After all, hadn't she already decided that the universe had developed some perverse love of messing with her? Of course, Sirius would be spending the holiday with Honor. Lily's pure joy of being with her best mate again had completely disguised any unsightly issues with the plan of her going home with Baker. To be honest, she hadn't even thought about Honor being there which was ridiculous considering it was her home.
An hour later, Lily joined the others' snowball fight and found that Honor's best mates Emmeline Vance and Marley McKinnon were present as well. She got a big kick out of watching Emmeline and Marley blush and flirt with Baker, who soaked up the fawning attention like a sponge.
"You must be really brave to escape from Death Eaters." Marley fluttered her eyelashes uncharacteristically during a break from the snow.
A booming fire warmed their toes and cold hands wrapped around mugs of hot chocolate in the Simmons' living room. Harland and Honor's parents had made prior plans to attend a Christmas festival and Lily had missed meeting them altogether.
Baker puffed his chest up, and Lily had to hide her giggling mouth behind the purple mug that steamed soothingly. "We got away from the Death Eaters almost instantly, but they'd taken our wands so the real problem was fighting our way out of an unknown hostile environment."
Emmeline leaned into the Auror sandwiched between her and Marley. Her hazel eyes were lit with awe. "Without a wand? You mean you had to survive… like a muggle?"
A squeaking giggle slipped past her control and the three of them along with Sirius and Honor, who sat on the other loveseat, looked at Lily in her oversized chair. "You're telling me that an entire squad of highly trained Aurors were lost for over a month just because you didn't have wands?"
The others looked aghast at her lack of tact at the sensitive subject, but Baker just smirked, sliding off the couch and walking over to her. "Not an entire month. We came stumbling out of the forest and realized we had never even left Great Britain. An entire group of Aurors wandered around in circles for almost three weeks, not even fifty miles from home…Then we spent two weeks getting debriefed by the ministry."
They both howled with laughter as he nudged her over and she was forced to make room for him in her chair. He threw an arm over her long legs that draped across his lap.
When they recovered, the others looked sour. Emmeline and Marley because they didn't have Baker's attention and Honor looked disgusted by their chumminess.
This was why they were perfect for each other. Other people just didn't 'get' them.
Emmeline and Marley left before dark, and an Owl arrived after sunset to inform them that the Simmons' parents would be attending a holiday party until late and that they should fend for themselves for dinner. Sirius and Honor disappeared after they made sandwiches, leaving Lily and Baker to make their own dinner.
As a mature twenty-four year old man, Baker wanted cookies, but it wasn't like Lily was a chef either so they compromised by adding peanut butter and tall glasses of milk for protein. They were silent filling their mouths with the warm chocolate cookies that hadn't cooked all the way through and were gooey on their tongues.
Baker's empty glass hit the table with a thump and he looked at her over the table with serious eyes. Her wide eyes tried to convey her confusion at his change, but milky chocolate filled her mouth and prevented her from speech.
"Stop." He said simply.
She stopped chewing.
"Stop getting that faraway look in your eyes in perfectly happy moments." She wasn't used to his scolding tone.
After gulping down half her drink, she stared at him with childlike innocence. "I'm sorry."
"Talk." He was holding onto his serious façade for a record time.
She didn't dare play dumb. He meant business. "Can we go somewhere private?"
He indulged her request after cleaning away their mess. They sat facing each other, surrounded by the chaos of his room on the floor in front of the blazing fireplace. He'd even used his replacement wand to ward off the room from eavesdroppers.
"Talk." He repeated when they were settled.
She took a deep breath. "Just give me a minute…This is hard. You have no idea how much effort I've put into not telling anyone. It's like I'm having to fight against my own barriers."
"Well, that means it's even more important to say out loud." Baker informed her sensibly.
So she did. She started from the beginning and the more she talked the easier it got. Her words poured out and soon she was saying things she didn't even know she felt. With every truth that she liberated, her heart grew lighter.
"He told me he loved me." She watched the curling flames in the fire, her voice nothing more than a whisper. "He said it was wrong."
"You had sex in the Great Hall?" His jaw dropped from impressed shock.
"Baker!" She scolded trying to keep him on track. "…I think I broke him. His face was so hopeless… I just don't know why he thinks he's in love with me. I didn't even think he liked me!"
"You were having sex with him and you weren't sure that he liked you?"
"It wasn't like that!" She defended. The way he said it made her feel dirty. It made their affair seem sullied and it wasn't. Nothing about the times she spent with James ever felt wrong. To suggest otherwise made her angry. "I shouldn't have said anything to you at all!"
"Why not?" He demanded with fiery eyes. "Because I'm making you face all the things that you're hiding from?… You're a lot of things, Whiskey, but I've never known you to be a coward."
His words hit her like a slap in the face. She didn't move, stunned by the lash.
"Yes." She uttered not believing her own words. His words hurt, but only because they were true.
"Well, that proves you're not a coward at all then. A real coward would never be able to admit it to themselves." He leaned forward to tuck a wild curl behind her ear affectionately. His soft tone was completely different than the edge that cut into her before.
"I've made a real mess of things." She sighed.
"Yes, but you did it a long time ago… This isn't that kind of mess. This is doing the right things in the wrong situations." His hand found hers and gripped tightly. "Sometimes to clean up the messes we've made things have to get worse before they can get better."
"That's it?" She searched his face pitifully. "You're not going to tell me what to do about James?"
"Maybe, one day." He told her with a smug glint in his eye. "It'd be completely worthless while you're still lying to yourself."
"So your advice is to be truthful with myself and face my problems head on?" She hoped her face portrayed her true level of disbelief. "That's so impersonal. I could read that on a fortune cook for Merlin's sake!"
"Isn't it funny how meaningless words of wisdom you've heard all your life can suddenly click into perspective? There's a reason people repeat them again and again. It's because they're true." He nudged her nose with his thumb with an amused smile.
"You're worthless." She complained shaking off his touch and climbing into bed.
"You love me." He joked following her lead and extinguishing all of the light except the fire that kept them warm.
She yawned and then rolled onto her side to face him. Her voice was serious. "I do love you."
"Even after I was mean to you?" He asked softly mimicking her position until they stared eye to eye. It was his way of apologizing.
"Especially after you were mean to me." Her voice was matter-of-fact. "Sometimes I think of you as my stronger half. You take a step forward when I can't… Do you love me even though you're always having to push me forward?"
"I love you enough to never stop." She could only see half his grin with one side mashed into a pillow.
As they fell asleep, Lily was sad for all the people in the world who didn't have a Baker. He was the kind of friend that we all deserve, but rarely find.
His parents were already gone to work when they woke up the next morning, but there was a note about family dinner that night left on the table.
"I'd Owl Begum and invite her if she wasn't on duty tonight… It's always hilarious trying to watch her try and present herself as a normal human being." He snorted through a mouthful of eggs at breakfast.
"What's her deal, anyways?" Lily asked wiping her face after a dainty sip of orange juice. She recalled the blundering female Auror in her mind.
"She's a rookie." He explained like it was the answer to her question.
She made an unsatisfied face.
"It's not romantic if that's what you are implying. I just think she's funny in an unintentional way. Plus, she doesn't put up with my shit which always endures me to someone- as you well know." Baker shrugged off the inquiry, and then changed the subject. "What do you want to do today?"
With dread Lily answered him. It wasn't something she wanted to do, but instead a necessary evil.
They headed into the overcrowded streets of Diagon Alley, fighting wave after of holiday shoppers until they'd completed both of their lists.
She'd purchased one gift on a whim. It was inexpensive and appropriate, but what made it impossible to resist was thinking about the huge smile it would put on Sirius' face. He would love it. She'd just have to find a way to discreetly slip it to him without drawing Honor's attention.
When they finally made it back to the house exhausted, the air was filled with the delicious scent of comfort food and Lily's stomach growled the whole time she freshened up. It was important to make a good impression on the Simmons though. Hopefully, they weren't completely poisoned by Honor.
Baker was already in the kitchen and Lily stopped, unnoticed for a moment to take in the entire Simmons family together.
It was clear that Asher Simmons came from a line with strong genes as both of his children heavily favored him. He had the structured sort of face that belonged on the strongest of men with raging testosterone like he should have been a lumberjack or fireman. Asher was undeniable handsome and not a bit pretty.
His wife, May Simmons, had light blond hair that didn't often come naturally, but Lily had no inclination if hers had been colored. She held her face with wide eager eyes that's shape and murky green color instantly reminded her of Baker's. Honor had the same eyes, but they weren't half as lovely as her brother or mother's.
The entire Simmons' brood was tangled in the kitchen, each doing their part to prepare a good meal while Sirius watched from the small kitchen table.
The tableaux burned into her memory. Never again would she be able to think of family without summoning up the mental image of the happy Simmons' clan.
"There you are!" Baker spotted her and rushed over to drag her in by force. "Mum, Dad, this is the girl that has been sinfully shacking up in my bedroom."
Lily dug her fingernails into the hand her supposed best mate held at her side. Her face was the exact color of the tomato Honor was hacking away at. "Please call me Lily… Thank you so much for allowing me to join your Christmas holiday. It's a real pleasure to meet you."
May rushed around the island and suffocated the guest in a tight hug. "We're happy to have you, Lily."
"It's a relief to know our son hasn't completely gone off the deep end. We were starting to believe the mysterious Whiskey was a figment of his imagination." Asher's laugh sounded like a deeper version of Baker's and it instantly brought an easy smile to her face.
"Lily, why don't you help Sirius set the table in the dining room while we put the finishing touches on dinner." May said handing the guests silverware and napkins.
How did Honor come from these people? As they did as they were told, Lily pondered the possibility of adoption. It was very hard to believe that such a loving, safe environment could create the envy and hate that Honor possessed. The physical similarities were pretty difficult to dispute though.
"Are you a prefect at school like Honor?" Asher asked conversationally once they were all settled comfortably around the dining room table. Lily remembered that he was a muggle and was probably really interested in the way things worked at a wizarding school. It still fascinated her sometimes.
"I was the Gryffindor prefect." Lily smiled indulgently, but kept a careful eye on Honor who gripped her fork and glared at her plate.
"Was?" A twinkling laugh floated from May as she cut her steak into small squares. "Did you do something naughty and get dismissed? I don't remember that ever happening while I was at Hogwarts."
Honor's sharp knife screeched against the glass plate, reminding Lily just how badly she'd wanted the position that Lily reluctantly took. "I was made Head Girl."
Immediately the Simmons' eyes glued to their daughter in realization. It was clear the sore subject reached into Honor's home life as well.
Baker was either oblivious of the situation or found too much humor to let it slide as he laughed. "You would have thought that Death Eaters were torturing Honor the day Hogwarts' letters came, and she realized that she hadn't been made Head Girl. You've always been prone to hissy fits, haven't you little sis? But this was in a class of its own! Did you ever fix that mirror you broke?"
The table jerked and Baker exclaimed before Lily could question it. "Ow, Mum! You kicked me!"
May cleared her throat and slapped on a cheerful smile as she changed the subject. "Sirius we were so thrilled to hear that you would be joining us! Is the guest bedroom suitable?"
"It's fine, Mum." Honor answered for him. Her face was still flushed with anger from Baker's words. "Don't you think it's a bit hypocritical to make Sirius sleep down the hall while Lily and Harland are doing Merlin knows what in his room every night?"
"Honor." Asher's deep voice was practiced in his impatient scold. It sounded like he had years of experience reprimanding his daughter. "Lily and Harland are both of-age, and Sirius is your boyfriend."
Honor's green irises almost looked brown as she rolled her eyes, but kept her mouth shut.
"Lily, tell us about your life at Hogwarts." May requested with an eager friendly face. She gave a conspiratorial wink. "Do you have a boyfriend or is this oaf the only bloke in your life?"
"She just broke up with her boyfriend actually." Baker looked thrilled at the turn of the conversation and cast a furtive look at Sirius, who had gone pale.
"Oh no!" Harland's mother responded appropriately. "Well, he's an idiot to let you slip away."
Baker was practically rocking in his seat to keep from bursting into laughter. Sirius looked uncomfortable and Lily didn't dare check Honor's reaction.
"I think he moved on pretty fast." Her handsome Auror's smile looked like it was about to rip his face in two.
May, oblivious to the undercurrent of the conversation, laid a sympathetic hand on Lily's shoulder and smiled encouragingly. "No self respecting girl would ever accept a man on the rebound."
Honor reached her breaking point, shoving away from the table and stomped out, but not before she flung a hand full of mashed potatoes in her brother's face.
Baker barely missed a beat before turning to Sirius with a sincerely apologetic expression. "Sorry mate."
Sirius shrugged, but eyed Honor's parents stiffly.
The Simmons' were perplexed as their son excused himself to clean up. Lily and Sirius avoided meeting eyes across the table. She didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
"Did I say something wrong?" May finally asked, searching their faces for what she was missing.
Sirius spoke after a long uncomfortable silence. "Harland was playing a joke… Lily and I used to date."
"Oh." Asher looked uneasy at the teenage drama.
"It seems it was the type of joke only Harland finds amusing." The Simmons' matriarch was thin lipped, but her eyes remained friendly and wide.
"I'll go check on Honor." Sirius told them, darting from the room.
Lily was left with the two adults, but it wouldn't be polite to excuse herself now that everyone else had made their escapes.
She was shocked when they both erupted in laughter. It took her a minute to realize they were laughing at the situation and she joined in.
"I should know better than to take an interest in my children's lives." Harland's mother continued to chuckle even as she began cleaning the table.
Lily stood to assist her as Asher added. "Let's make a pact not to speak to them again until their thirty."
The three of them made quick work of the dishes and Asher left them to magically float the plates back into their spots
"Do you have any siblings?" May asked.
"A sister- Petunia." She let her mind drift over the way Petunia had looked the last time she'd seen her. Her over-the-top wedding gown and heavy makeup weren't Lily's style at all, but her sister had looked beautiful like every bride had a right to on their special day. "She doesn't care for me much."
"The great thing about siblings-." Her smile was kind and she wrapped a gentle arm around the younger girl's shoulder. "Is that they don't have to like you to love you. Harland and Honor are the same way. One day they'll figure it out though… Blood is blood, and whether you want to or not you'll always love one another. She might hate every minute of it, but if you needed her she'd be there."
After they'd finished, May gave her a motherly hug that Lily tried to soak into every pore. It had been so long since anyone had hugged her like that.
"You are an asshole." Lily told Baker, flopping down on his bed beside him. A smudge of mash potato on his collar was the only remnant of the early dispute.
"It was funny. Did you see Honor's face? You know she deserved it." He defended petulantly. Tightly wound muscles wrapped down his arms and Lily fought a pull from down below. She'd gone from having sex on a pretty regular basis to not at all, and her body was having an adverse reaction. "I love my little sister, but she's the kind of person that needs to be knocked off her high horse…and often. Plus, she has absolutely no sense of humor."
"Yeah, well next time you decide to take someone down a peg can you make sure that I don't get caught in the crossfire?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Friendly fire?" He smiled at her hopefully, trying to make nice. With comfortable ease, his right hand brushed a wild curl behind her ear.
Something gold gleamed in the firelight and she caught his hand, maneuvering it so she could inspect the ring more closely. It was a band of thick gold that shone even brighter in the red hue that filled up the room. Using delicate fingers, she spun the new piece of jewelry around his tough skin. Thin barely visible writing etched into the ring caught the light from the flames.
It read- Honor Loyalty Courage Hope
"The Ring of Honor." His eyes followed her movements carefully. "They gave it to me after I saved this muggle family. It was just about the only useful thing I've done since the war started."
"I can't believe you actually wear it." She still hadn't released his hand and the gold was surprisingly cool to the touch. "You might talk a big game, but you're irritatingly modest about the things that really matter…like being a hero."
"Well, it's kind of big deal and not wearing it would be a surefire way to offend my new unit. It was the first time it had been awarded since Grindelwald was around." He defended, tugging his hand back self-consciously, but Lily held strong. "Plus, the little girl I saved was a firecracker… Her hair was red- only a tad bit lighter than yours- and she never cried- not once. I stayed with her while the Healers were fixing up her mum and dad and she just stood there with her hands on her hips looking mad as hell."
"Was her family alright?" Lily interjected concerned.
"Nothing the Healers couldn't repair." He answered still staring ahead with a faraway look. "I thought she must be in shock or traumatized. For Merlin's sake she was just a tiny five year old who had been attacked by Death Eaters! I tried to pick her up and she kicked me as hard as she could."
They both laughed at the mental image of a pigtailed child taking on a war hardened Auror.
"I told her that I was a good guy and that I was there to help… I'll never forget the way she looked up at me when spoke. 'We really could have used your help before our house got burned down.' She said with this squeaky matter-of-fact voice. When I apologized for our lack of punctuality, she stomped her foot and said-. 'They're the ones that are gunna be sorry when I get them by the ear like Mum does to me! They are in big trouble'."
"She sounds like your kind of lady." Lily remarked, smiling at the little girl's gumption.
"We had to erase their memories of the incident, of course." His eyes focused on the gold band that wrap around his finger. "But now whenever I see the ring, I think about how I'll remember for the both of us, and maybe I'll get there before something terrible has happened next time. I can hunt down the Death Eaters and do my part to protect that little girl and all the other innocents like her."
It was as if the ring transformed in front of her eyes as he spoke. There was something much more important about it now. She raised his knuckle up and placed her lips against the gold in a fleeting kiss.
"It also reminds the pretty witches that I'm a big hero." He stated with a smirk.
She snorted unattractively. He just had to go and ruin the moment. Rolling away from him, she curled up into her normal sleeping position.
The next five days leading up to Christmas were everything holiday was supposed to be. It had been a long time- if ever- that she'd been around such a family environment.
Everything about the Simmons screamed family. It would have been annoying if she hadn't been completely enveloped by the warmth of it all.
They had stupid inside jokes and silly stories and a million of other things that they took for granted. That's how happy people worked though. It was hard to appreciate anything until it had been taken away from you, so Lily couldn't blame them for their ignorance.
If anything she envied them.
Their picturesque house was filled to the brim with photographic evidence of just how happy they were. Silly snapshots opposed formal family portraits with a healthy mixture of muggle and magical photos. Honor even had an entire stairway dedicated to her accomplishments.
The pictures, certificates, and diplomas progressed up the stairs as if she was aging with every step upward. Honor been top of her class during all her muggle schooling, and other awards boasted her impressive resume leading up to her eleventh year of life. Her Hogwarts' letter was framed just like everything else, but after that there were only annual pictures to document her growth and three other letters with Hogwarts' crests.
She'd kept the evidence of her prefect position from fifth and sixth years. Lily could only speculate what became of the letter that informed the Ravenclaw she hadn't been selected as Head Girl.
The single other framed memento was familiar to Lily. She'd received six nearly identical letters after every school year informing her that she'd received the highest marks of any female and was at the top of her year. The one exception had been fifth year when Lily's parents had died, and she had tied for top spot.
Honor had the matching letter from fifth year.
She'd framed hers and Lily barely even remembered receiving her own. She didn't even recall feeling particularly pleased with any of the notices. They were probably collecting dust in the bottom of her trunk or thoughtlessly disposed of in a bin somewhere.
"Impressive, isn't it?" Baker caught her staring at the shrine to the Simmons' only daughter.
She'd actually been thinking the opposite. The wall filled her with pity. All the things Honor coveted were accomplishments Lily shrugged off, and the family Lily desperately wanted, Honor took for granted.
The grass is always greener.
"She was quite the overachieving child." Lily's diplomatic answer carried its weight with intrigue as well.
"Yep, she was always little miss popular with an entourage of minions set on torturing the teenage brother. Her teachers adored her too. I thought I was excited about Hogwarts, but when Honor's letter came she nearly exploded… She was insufferable, prancing about the house and bragging about all the new friends she was going to make." He chuckled thinking back to the little girl his sister had been.
Lily raised an eyebrow. "You sound a bit bitter there, Mr. Maturity."
"Fifteen was an awkward time for me. I didn't really hit my blooming stride until sixth year. There was definitely an edge of jealousy to our relationship." He admitted with a shrug. "Up to that point I'd been this scrawny swot with bad skin, and everything always came so easy to Honor. It was the greatest injustice of my teenage life."
Lily laughed appreciating his honesty. It was hard to imagine Baker being anything other than mouthwateringly attractive though. "So what happened? What changed in Honor?"
His green eyes stared at her as if to say 'Are you sure you want to hear this?'. He spoke when she nodded encouragingly. "She'd grown up with the ease of attention that some people flourish in. She was a big fish in a little pond… Hogwarts brought out the worst in Honor."
"Funny." The redheaded commented thoughtfully. "I like to believe it brought out the best in me."
"Don't you think that could have been part of the problem?" Baker pointed out, tapping her on the nose lovingly. "She was instantly threatened by you, and she's spent the last seven years with the attitude that anything you accomplish is something you took away from her."
"That's ridiculous." She answered immediately.
Baker sighed with mock sadness. "We'll save this in the category of things you're lying to yourself about."
Before Lily knew it, Christmas morning had arrived and the Simmons' house was alive with activity. Friends and family circulated throughout the day, but they took a break for lunch and exchanged presents.
She loved the pretty jumper Asher and May gave her, and there was even a small package of sweets (she ignored their expiration date) from Petunia.
"It's a two-way mirror!" Lily burst out as Baker studied his half of the mirror. It felt like cheating since she hadn't had to buy him anything, but it was a fabulous present nonetheless. "I know you can't take it on all your missions, but still we'll be able to talk a lot more."
After they played and experimented with the mirrors for a while, he handed her a pouch and sat back to study her face as she opened his present.
"Er- thanks! It's really…" She didn't dare look at him because her face would surely expose her confusion.
Inside the pouch was a simple leather bracelet of dark brown. It was very manly, but he was always trying to get her to step outside the box so maybe this was his latest attempt.
His body shook with laughter at her ill disguised reaction, and he snatched the jewelry out of her fingers. "Well, I hope you didn't expect me to flounce about in something feminine."
"You got me a present for you to wear?" Her deadpan response matched her seriously not amused face.
Baker was nonplussed by her reaction, fastening the bracelet and then staring at her with an odd type of concentration.
Suddenly, strange warmth filled up her chest. It was like a less extreme version of being so happy that you cried.
"What was that?" She gasped at the emotion that wasn't her own.
"Whenever I wear this and think of you at the exact same time you are thinking of me, you'll know it." He explained with giddiness. "It'll help to remind you that I'm out there somewhere, and I'm always on your side."
"You-" She exclaimed feeling the happy/cry sensation again, but this time under her own violation. "-are a big softie!"
"You've got a surprise waiting for you at Hogwarts too." He ignored her previous comment and added grumpily. "You're going to be spoiled."
"I completely consent to you ruining me if you do it by way of presents." She gave him a cheeky grin.
Sirius and Honor had been exchanging gifts quietly in the other corner of the living room, but Honor caught Lily's eye as she excitedly fled the room clutching an expensive looking jumper. This might be the only chance she got to give Sirius the little present she'd purchased earlier in Diagon Alley.
Swiftly, she moved across the room as Baker fiddled with his other gifts. A small wooden box was held securely by both her hands.
"Happy Christmas." She told him with a warm smile.
Even though they'd spent all of holiday together the only time they had ever been alone was on the first day when he'd come to talk with her. Being in such close quarters with her ex boyfriend had been surprisingly unsettling. Now that she understood her feelings for Sirius, it was easier to accept the love she still felt for him. Without the need to fight with complicated emotions, the full blow of really missing him could set in.
And miss him she did.
She missed the way his face lit up when he surprised her, and how his unique perspective was always shockingly charming. She longed to be swept up in his jumping attention span as she had so often been dragged along for the ride from one rapid subject or activity to the next. He could make anything fun, even the most inane tasks. She couldn't count the times they'd sat down to do school work and finished laughing so hard tears leaked from her emerald eyes. His full booming laughter had the power to make you feel wonderfully included, but more often than not Lily was left alone on the outside looking in these days.
She'd even come to miss his unwavering love of the rain. He could stand in the gloomiest downfall with a smile on his face. It was a perfect personification of his personality. No obstacle was tragic enough to dampen the energy he radiated.
She still loved all of those things. She still loved him too. One of her greatest fears was that she'd ruined things with Sirius to the point that they'd never have the friendship they were meant to.
"I thought you might like this." She thrust the petite box nervously at him.
When he eyed it skeptically she assured him. "It's not a big deal."
After studying her face and the present one more time he took it from her, finding the reassurance he needed.
Flipping the thin lid until it laid flat at the hinges, Sirius' grey eyes peeked inside unnecessarily as the object floated up into the air between them. The miniature cloud was the size of a fist with the growing density of a coming storm. It rose to float over his head and a mist of harmless rain fell down, disappearing before any moisture could saturate his glossy black hair.
To Lily, the room was silent besides the continuation of shuffling gift wrap, but as a huge grin split Sirius' face, she knew he was hearing the gentle lullaby of falling rain and maybe even the far off hum of thunder.
"I sleep best in the rain." His smile verged on real happiness, daring to reach up and shine through his eyes. A look she had been excluded from for a long time.
Trying to squash her overexcitement, she allowed only a simple smile. "And only you can hear it, so it won't disrupt the rest of your dormitory."
A startling crack of breaking glass made them both jump, and Lily instinctively jerked around to identify the cause.
The remnants of a plate and several Christmas cookies lay in a pile at Honor's feet. She wasn't looking at her mess though. With a deep seeded hatred that took years to cultivate, she glared at Lily, and her hands shook as they clenched into fists again and again.
Sirius snapped the box closed and his rain cloud instantly evaporated. Otherwise the room was frozen as they knowingly waited for the explosion.
All Lily could do was wait, feeling very much like she had just been thrust into the ring with an infuriated bull. Unfortunately for Lily just as her red hair would certainly incur the animal's wrath, so did her current proximity to Honor's boyfriend.
"Can't you just let me have anything?" Her voice was calm, but ominous. It didn't betray the deadly current that ripped under the calm ocean surface.
Instead of being frightened something unpleasant and burning began to build within Lily. A part of her cackled in delight and not only welcomed the oncoming storm, but craved it. "It was a present, Simmons. Are you really so petty that me giving a gift angers you?"
"I wonder if you have ever stopped thinking about yourself even for one bloody minute in your whole life." When Honor spoke again, her voice was choppy and restrained. It was easy to sense the break of control coming. "Not everything is about you!"
The shouting was enough to send Mr. and Mrs. Simmons scurrying from the room, probably categorizing this as one more reason to not get entangled with their children's youthful drama.
"You're the one that makes it that way!" The redhead yelled back inching towards the confrontation. "I've never done anything to you and you sulk around Hogwarts as if I've done you some type of unforgivable wrong! Well, the jokes on you because as much time as you spend obsessing over me, you don't even cross my mind."
"Of course not!" Honor's face was flushed crimson and she stomped a foot closer to Lily. "You are selfish and manipulative and the idea that someone other than you could have emotions is so foreign that it doesn't even occur to you."
Lily started to defend herself, but the shorter girl continued upping her volume and coming to stand right in her face. "You disgust me! The way you moped around like you were the only person allowed to miss Harland made me sick. He's my brother- my BROTHER, Lily! And then you had the audacity to accuse me of being late for class because I'd been out flippantly cavorting with Sirius when I'd just cried my eyes out. I couldn't eat… I couldn't sleep because of the nightmares. Every time I closed my eyes I saw my brother dead and it never even occurred to you that I might be devastated too. You only thought of yourself!"
If it weren't for the anger that raced through her bloodstream, the horrible truth of Honor's words would have rocked her. She'd been so wrapped up in her own melodrama that she'd never seriously considered that Honor was lashing out at her because she was worried about Baker.
"This started long before seventh year." Lily's voice was low, saturated with rage. "I can't remember a time when you haven't been staring over my shoulder green with envy."
A horrible noise ripped at the Ravenclaw's throat. Her hands swung wildly as she began shouting again. "You have no idea what you're talking about, you fucking wench! I don't know how you have everyone fooled, but I see through your little 'Lovely Lily' act. You take everything I want!"
"That's where you're wrong." The horrible smile that twisted the Head Girl's face was cruel and unforgiving. "I don't take everything you want… It's just that nobody wants you!"
As if the boys could predict the oncoming violence, Sirius wrapped his arms around his struggling girlfriend, and Baker scooped Lily away, throwing her over his shoulder as he cut through the kitchen to the backyard.
It was below freezing and dark besides the underwater lights of the pool. Gracelessly, Baker dumped her back on her feet.
She wanted to kick something or punch a wall- anything to release the tension that coiled with her anger. Instead she screamed long and loud and so hard that she bent over at the waist from the exertion.
She'd only regained her breathing when Baker gave her a gentle shove that was just enough to knock her off balance and into the pool.
When she'd dipped her feet in with James the only other time she'd been to the Simmons home the past summer, she had suspected it was charmed. Floundering in the clear liquid that should have been icy cold, Lily was happy to note that she had been right.
She broke the surface spitting out lukewarm water, and glared at her ex best mate. "What the bloody hell was that for!"
"You needed to cool off." He shrugged, restraining his amused grin.
"Tosser." She grumbled, but already the anger was fading away. How did people hold onto it for so long? Hers was always fleeting. Kicking against the heavy clothes that floated around her, she swam to the side of the pool and held her hand up to him. "Help me out."
"I wouldn't do that yet. The only thing keeping you from freezing your nice arse off is the warmth charm on the pool, and I think we might want to give Sirius a minute to get my little sister under control." He said staring down at her in the water.
"I could take her." She mumbled in reply sinking down into the water. "Haven't you ever known anyone who just hates you no matter what you do? It's ruddy frustrating."
"There was this one bloke at Hogwarts who really had it out for me." Baker admitted, pulling up a lawn chair beside the pool.
Trailing mist rose off the water in swirling ribbons. Lily realized the lower and closer she stayed in the liquid, the warmer she was.
"He was a Slytherin and took about just every opportunity to best me." He continued and reclined his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and feet at the ankles. "Don't get me wrong- I'm competitive. I did everything I could to beat him too."
"It never bothered you that there was nothing you could do to change his mind about you?" The heavy jumper was weighing her down so she discarded it with a splat beside the older Auror. He dodged the spray of water, while still trying to get a peek at her chest before realizing she was wearing an undershirt.
"Sometimes people aren't going to like you no matter what you do." He told her once he'd recovered from his disappointment. "Most people who don't like you are people you wouldn't want to be friends with anyways. I mean would you really want to be best mates with Honor? I still can't stand Matis."
"Whatever happened to him?" She asked curiously. It was hard to believe anyone wouldn't like Baker. This Matis must have been a real berk.
"At Hogwarts he was really into the Dark Arts and-"
Lily didn't want to hear anything about Death Eaters or You-Know-Who. She was taking a holiday from all things sinister. "I meant silly things like did he ever have any kids or get married?"
Baker made a disgruntled face, but seemed to take her request seriously concentrating for a minute as he dug through forgotten memories. "…I remember there was a bit of a scandal about his choice of girlfriends in seventh year. She was quite a few years older than we were. I know I couldn't believe that Alledora Crouch was dating Matis MacMillan."
"Alledora Crouch as in the Hogwarts' Professor?" Lily demanded.
"Er…yes, I suppose." He was caught off guard by her sudden intensity.
"And Matis MacMillan you said… Does he have a younger brother?" She felt like this was something important.
"Possibly. I don't really remember, but all those purebloods have loads of kids… Now that you mention it I do recall a sibling that was in Honor's year. He's in Slytherin too, right?"
"Yes!" Lily felt excitement. She might not have figured out Professor Crouch's endgame, but she'd made the connection between Crouch and Luka MacMillan. Crouch was helping Luka complete some task to help him become a Death Eater just like his brother.
"Alright, I think the chlorine might have fried your brain." Baker stared at her with concern as he summoned a fluffy towel and helped her out of the warm water.
She was silent as they tiptoed back inside and upstairs. Her mind was too full of possible scenarios to take a break and share her theories. He was an Auror and would certainly be able to help her, but for the time being she wanted to digest the new information alone.
The next morning Sirius and Honor were gone, but Mrs. Simmons asked to speak with Lily alone. Mr. Simmons headed off to work, leaving Baker to eye his mother nervously as he went to bathe for the day.
"I can't say how sorry I am, Mrs. Simmons." Lily immediately apologized. She'd felt the guilt of giving into Honor's fight ever since she calmed down. The Simmons had invited her into their home and she'd practically brawled with their daughter on Christmas. "I should have never caused such a scene."
"It was quite dramatic." May Simmons' grin slanted to the right. Lily relaxed. It was the same as Baker's amused smile. "Even as a child Honor had an affinity for theatrics."
Lily looked down at her hands on the kitchen table. She didn't want to say anything bad about the woman's daughter.
"It's just part of who she is…" May continued gently, drawing Lily's eyes to meet hers again. "We're Honor's family and we love everything about her…but don't think that means me or Asher don't realize how difficult our daughter can be."
"She was a little bit right." The younger woman admitted. "I didn't even consider Honor's feelings about Bak- Harland going missing. I guess I am selfish."
"That doesn't make you selfish, Lily." May's warm voice filled up Lily's chest. "It makes you human… And believe me- Honor accusing anyone of being selfish is a bit like the pot calling the kettle black."
Lily giggled and took a sip of the tea May had set in front of her. "You've been incredibly nice to me, letting me stay here and being so understanding. I wish there was a way I could pay you back."
"Honor has always been the difficult child. Harland was easy. He always seemed to find his own path without our guidance, and we were so thrilled when he got accepted with the Aurors… But they changed him. I didn't always think it was for the better either." She explained to Lily sadly. "He has always been so happy, but every time he came home from a mission I could see his spirit fading bit by bit. Asher and I had no idea what to do. We'd learned to handle Honor, but our son was a whole different situation."
Lily thought of the first time she ever met Baker at The Leaky Cauldron. He had been so different- almost hopeless and definitely bitter. She'd just never thought about it before because they'd connected so quickly and she'd brushed it off as a bad night.
"We were losing him and the worst part was that there was nothing we could do but watch." May's pretty features quivered with the promise of tears. "I've never been so afraid in my life… And then one day this past summer he started smiling again. It was as if we were watching a dwindling flame catch wind and turn into the inferno of its former glory… You saved him. I don't know how or why, but I can assure you that you'll never owe us anything as long as I live. We're the ones who owe you, Lily."
"I didn't do anything." She stuttered out a shocked response. "If anything he saved me, Mrs. Simmons."
"Well, then we were all lucky that you found each other." May reached across the kitchen table to grasp Lily's hand.
A persistent Owl scratched at the kitchen window, and May had to pull her hand away to let the fluttering creature inside. The unfamiliar bird immediately flew at Lily and as soon as she freed the letter, the Owl fled through the same window it had just come in. May collected their cups and started the dishes as Lily curiously unrolled the parchment.
L,
Meet me at the place we first met. I would not ask if it wasn't important. Come alone. This is a matter of life and death. Be there noon on the thirty-first.
I need your help.
S.S.
She scanned the mysterious note four times as her heart raced. She would recognize the handwriting even if the "S.S." didn't alert her that the sender was her childhood best friend Severus Snape.
There were several worrisome words that immediately caught her attention like- important, come alone, life and death, help.
He wouldn't lure her into a trap, would he? Severus could never do that, no matter how far they had drifted. Lily had to believe in that small assurance. If he really needed her, could she turn her back on him?
"Another love letter, Whiskey?" Baker's voice came from right beside her. She hadn't even heard him enter, and she crumbled the letter into a ball, tossing into in the bin. All the words had already been memorized. "I swear you have almost as many admirers as I do."
"I need some air." Her mind was too full. The spacious room suddenly seemed cramped and stifling.
"Whiskey, what's going on?" He followed her out of the kitchen, grabbing her arm to halt her movement. "Was it something my mum said?"
Lily shook her head quickly. Telling him about Severus' letter was the smart thing to do, but maybe she didn't want to hear what he would have to say. This was a decision she had to make all on her own.
"You really do just need some fresh air?" He asked hopefully.
She nodded.
"Go grab a coat and meet me in the guest lavatory." He didn't give her the chance to question him, rushing up the stairs without another word.
Following his instructions, she waited bundled up in her large winter coat in the guest loo. It was cramped and she couldn't even turn in a full circle thanks to her fluffy attire. She glared at Baker when he appeared. "Is this some type of joke?"
He laughed carelessly shuffling her out of the way (she had to put a foot in the bath), but they made it work. With experienced fingers he unlatched the small window and forced the glass up. "Out you go."
She stared at him with irritated disbelief. "You want me to jump out the window?"
"No, I want you to crawl onto the ledge outside of the window, Whiskey." He chuckled at her assumption. "Honestly, if I was trying to kill you then you'd already be dead. In case you forgot, I'm an Auror."
"You're an arsehole." She corrected in a grumbling voice, but complied to his request nonetheless.
The ledge was thick and even though they were on the second story, she wasn't afraid of the fall. There would have to be some really spastic movements to cause her to fly off the roof at this distance. Baker followed her out, but instead of taking a seat like she expected, he crawled around the ledge to a higher plane of the roof.
"You're not afraid of heights, are you?" He asked gruffly.
She shook her head taking the spot beside him that he'd cleared from the light snowfall.
He smiled at her answer. "Good, there's nothing I like more than being up high."
They were silent taking the white world that surrounded them. It was the highest point on the roof, even higher than any of the looming trees in the distance.
"There's this one spot at Hogwarts-." He started.
"Ohhh." She smirked cutting him off and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Is that where you took all your ladies?"
"It's so high that nothing breaks the view of the horizon." Without missing beat, his story continued as if she hadn't spoken at all. "It's like floating and on some clear nights if you lay there for long enough you start to forget you're not one of the stars. I've never felt so wholly isolated and completely connected as I did in that spot."
"It sounds…perfect."
"There isn't any fresher air than right here." He grinned, nudging her shoulder gently.
He was right. Hours later when they climbed back into the Simmons' home shivering; Lily knew exactly what she had to do about Severus' letter.
On the night of the thirtieth Lily was careful to keep Baker up all night, playing into his competitive spirit by challenging him to marathon chess and exploding snap games. When morning came she tiptoed downstairs for breakfast, careful not to wake her friend. She was lucky that it was so early because it wasn't likely anyone would be up at this time on a Saturday and she looked a mess.
Taming her wild hair wasn't worth breaking Baker's slumber though.
"James!" She nearly shouted startled by the blacked haired Head Boy standing alone in the kitchen.
Shock touched his features before he brushed it away as his hand ruffled through his hair. "I'm waiting on Sirius."
Don't you get it? I love you.
An avalanche of emotion crumbled down on her. All she could do was stare as his words stuck on repeat in her mind.
"I'm sorry." She didn't know what she was apologizing for, but the words were whispered with purpose.
The careful mask he wore cracked with a stab of unadulterated pain, and she fought the urge to apologize for apologizing. It obviously didn't make him feel any better at all.
James opened his mouth to speak.
"I'm ready now, Prongs." Sirius interrupted skidding to a stop in the kitchen with them. "Morning, Evans. We were just on our way to let James get the first peek at my new flat."
A big reason why Lily had been able to avoid Honor and Sirius after the Christmas debacle was their nearly constant absence as Sirius searched for a flat to buy.
"We're taking your motorbike right, Padfoot?" All traces of the broken boy were gone, leaving the smirking shell of James Potter. "Hopefully, it won't be nearly as exciting as our last adventure on the bike."
The boys chuckled remembering the funny story that she wasn't invited to share in. They said their goodbyes and if it weren't for the fact that James refused to meet her eyes she would never know that anything out of the ordinary happened between them at all.
Lily didn't need breakfast anymore to wake her up. The shock of seeing James had done the job just fine. She was as quiet as possible climbing back into Baker's bed with an eye on the clock. It was still hours before noon.
"I was having a good dream." He murmured without opening his eyes.
"About what?" She whispered back gently.
His eyelids fluttered once before closing again. "The war was over."
"What would you do if it was?" Her question wasn't accompanied by any urgency, only lazy curiosity.
A brownish green iris peeked at her from one heavily lidded eye. "Something worthwhile…like get married or write a book."
"Who would you marry?" Lily grinned as she asked.
The sleep made his snort of laughter hoarse and deep. "You, probably."
"And what makes you think I'd marry you?"
"Well, I love you and they always say you're supposed to marry your best friend." A warm arm reached out to pull her closer until her back was snuggled into his chest.
It made Lily think of what James had told her about his parents in the Great Hall. He'd said they settled for one another, giving up ever having a great love in their lives. At the time she had thought it was terribly sad. It had made life seem very hopeless, but thinking over a life with Baker it didn't seem so bad at all. It would be easy- peaceful. "We would have the most devious kids. They'd be truly dangerous little monsters."
Baker's voice had a sleepy quality as he continued like he was half awake, half dreaming. "A little girl with your crimson curls and my eyes. She'd be beautiful just like you…"
"No, little girls are only trouble." She corrected lightly, closing her eyes so she could see it in her mind. "I can't even imagine a hellion with your genes…I want a little gentleman, and he'll have my eyes- just like my father."
Baker never responded though. He was already asleep.
An hour later, Lily slid out of bed and got ready quietly. She was going to go to the place she'd first met Severus. It was possibly the worst decision she'd ever made, but if she could save his life then she had to try. She just knew that somewhere deep down inside was the little boy who had given her magic.
Flagging down the Knight Bus with her wand, Lily made it to her old neighborhood just before noon. The sun would've shone brightly down on her if it weren't for the fat clouds that blotted out its light. Her path detoured around the lot where her childhood home used to sit. She didn't want to see what became of it. The playground was smaller than she remembered and the swing she sank into screeched unpleasantly under her weight.
Severus wasn't here yet, but other than the curious anxiety, she didn't mind the wait. Her boots thumped against the cold ground as she pushed off in her swing again and again. The time passed slowly and even when the sun dipped from its noon position, she remained without the slightest urgency.
She knew Severus. He never asked for help. If he brought himself to send that letter than it was as important as he made it seem. He would get here eventually.
Baker would understand when she explained it to him later.
An encompassing happiness filled her chest at the thought of her friend, and she was temporarily confused until she remembered his Christmas present. He was thinking of her while she thought of him. It made her smile.
She'd have to remember to warm him off wearing his bracelet all the time. It would be nice every once in awhile, but the phantom happy/cry emotion was a little disconcerting at random.
The wait continued until the angle of the sun behind the trees created jagged unsightly shadows that stretched towards her ominously.
He really wasn't coming.
For the first time fear began to take form. It wasn't something she could understand, but instead the looming intuition of wrongness.
Her muscles ached from the hours of sitting as she pulled her body out of the low swing. A panic might have been taking root under the surface, but her movements were strangely calm and controlled. Like someone had her under Imperius Curse, she went through the motions of calling the Knight Bus and her monotone voice informed him of her destination.
Something was very very wrong.
Severus had said everything he could to get her to that playground. He was a Slytherin- no action was without reason.
The Knight Bus jerked to a halt and Lily's head snatched up, scanning the surroundings. They were in the same general area as the Simmons' home, but nowhere near as close as where it had picked her up earlier.
"Why did you stop?" She demanded and with her voice came the anxiety that she'd been suppressing.
The young female attendant looked at Lily with fear in her dark eyes. "We won't go any closer."
Lily opened her mouth to demand a reason, but the woman was already raising her hand to point out the windshield.
The world should've stopped spinning. If it was ever going to that would have been the moment as Lily stared at the Dark Mark standing out against the night sky in the distance right over her best mate's home.
But it didn't, and with unstable memories she didn't remember getting off the bus. The next thing she was aware of was running down icy street towards the house. It was slippery and at some point she must have fallen because the palms of her hands were smeared with blood. She cut through a plot of woods and the heavy shrubbery cut into the exposed skin of her face, but she didn't slow down. She couldn't even feel it.
She couldn't feel anything.
She smelled the fire though, long before she could feel the hot flames that licked the night from every corner of the Simmons' home. There were no Aurors or lingering Death Eaters as she sprinted towards the house.
Just inside the front door smoke hit her like a wall and forced her to stop and regain her bearings. It was so thick like she was underwater, and just as the water would have done the smoke seemed to pour into every opening, filling her eyes, mouth, and ears. She couldn't see, but it didn't stop her from fighting forward.
She ran into something hard, but when she tried to get around it she found her body restrained and being dragged backwards out of the house. It took her a minute to realize it was a person that had hold of her.
"Let me go!" She screamed flinging her limbs out in all directions. Anything to save Baker. Got to help them. Got to help them. Got to help them.
Her smaller body was no match for the person's strength and soon they were on damp grass where the smoke was thinner.
"We've got to help them!" Her fingernails scraped against skin as one of her feet landed a blow to his body.
Sirius managed to hold onto to her though. He was almost unrecognizable, covered in ash where her fingernails hadn't managed to draw blood.
When it became clear he had no intention of letting her go, she doubled her efforts, fueled by the adrenaline. "LET ME GO!"
"They're gone, Lily…They're gone." His eyes were blank as he repeated the words like a mantra. "Help me James!"
She bucked hysterically in his arms. He had to be growing tired. He'd let her go soon. They couldn't be dead. They needed her help. May and Asher and Honor…and Baker. Her sweet beautiful Baker…
Even though it must have been nearly impossible, Sirius managed to hold on. Another body joined him at some point, and together James and Sirius held onto her.
"Please, please…please." She begged and her voice sounded strange even to her own ears. "Please."
They clung to her as she pleaded until the left half of the house collapsed before them.
"Please." Lily cried, but this time it was to the Powers That Be.
Sensing the change, Sirius collapsed onto the ground exhausted and broken. His ash distorted head dropped into his arms that propped on his knees.
Long after she'd stopped fighting, James held her tightly into his chest. Her burning cheek rested into his soft jumper as she gazed emotionlessly at the destruction. An incredible numbness was triggered by her brain's defense mechanism.
The Aurors arrived in a charge of dramatic brilliance, but it was useless.
They were gone. They were all dead.
"We need to interview you both." Suddenly there was an Auror standing in front of them.
Lily glanced down to the spot where Sirius had been, but he was gone. When had that happened?
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Lily, I asked if you were okay to talk to the Aurors." James wasn't touching her anymore. His face was racked with concern.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry… I'm sorry." A voice continued to mumble.
She placed a hand to her hot face. Her lips were moving. It was her voice. She stopped talking and nodded instead.
Time seemed to be jumping spastically around her. Or maybe her brain was stalling out and then restarting again. Her overwhelmed mind could only process so much.
"Thank you for your assistance…I'm very sorry for your loss." A male Auror was saying to her.
Had she already spoken with him? Did she say the right things?
The next moment she was standing alone and the man who had just been in front of her was nowhere to be seen.
When her brain caught up with her next, she was standing in a different neighborhood staring down a row of houses that all looked exactly the same. The lawns were pristine. She wondered if they measured every blade of grass.
Had she Apparated? She'd gotten her license, but barely ever used it. She found the sensation disconcerting. It probably wasn't a good idea to Apparate while she was in shock. She was in shock.
She was knocking on the door of Number Four Privet Drive. She remembered the address from the last letter her sister had sent.
Petunia led her up the stairs, glancing back at her with concern. Lily thought she must look truly grotesque to earn such a sisterly look.
"In you go." Her sister told her nervously. She was staring in the mirror over Lily's shoulder in a bathroom. In the reflections she saw that the shower curtain was open and suddenly the sound of rushing water filled her ears even though the water had been running before she'd noticed it.
Lily's eyes met a pair of stunningly beautiful emerald irises in the mirror. She studied her ash covered figure as if she were a stranger. There was no connection to this girl with the slices in her cheeks and torn attire.
She watched her sister lead the broken girl into the spray of water.
"Lift your arms." Petunia's voice asked in a soft tone that was so foreign to her, she did as she was told out of pure surprise.
Slowly time was beginning to flow in its normal span. She stayed aware as Petunia finished undressing her. The cool rag she used to sponge away the grime from Lily's body was nice. Petunia even washed her hair like their mother had done when they were little.
"Who's dead, Lily?" Her sister, asked helping Lily wrap a towel around her body.
"What?" It was the first time Lily recalled speaking.
"You keep saying that they're dead over and over again."
Instead of answering, Lily placed her fingers to her lips. She didn't like the idea of speaking without realizing it. Her sensitive lips didn't move again until Petunia sat her down in front of a vanity.
"…Just like Mother's." She murmured reaching her other hand out to stroke the polished wood.
She didn't know if Petunia had heard her, but she made no inclination that she had. Had she said the words out loud or only in her mind? Petunia picked up a silver brush and brought it through Lily's damp hair in gentle strokes.
"One day they'll figure it out though… Blood is blood, and whether you want to or not you'll always love one another. She might hate every minute of it, but if you needed her, she'd be there."
May Simmons' words rang out in her mind. She'd been right. Mothers were supposed to tell their children things like that. Important words of wisdom that suddenly take on new meaning when you least expect it. May had been everything a mother should be…and now she was dead.
Petunia took her to a small room, and Lily curled up in a ball on the daybed.
Baker was dead.
The room plunged into darkness as Petunia closed the door. She started crying then without the slightest hope that she'd ever be able to stop.
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Author's Note: Even though I knew that is was necessary for the plot, character development, and even cannon to kill Baker, I still hated doing it. As I read in reviews all the time everyone loves Baker and I do too, but just like Lily needed him to be there for her in the beginning, she needed to be without him for the next step of her progression.
Harry's fight against Voldemort was personal and Lily's needed to be too. This certainly makes it personal.
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