A/N: I have upgraded the rating of this story to M to take into account some of the more explicit parts in certain chapters.

The young boy slowly raised his head to look at his visitor. "John."

He smiled at Adam as he nodded his head. "Sure is."

"Cop," the boy said worriedly as his bottom lip began to tremble. "Trouble…..Adam in trouble."

Being careful not to startle him, he reached out a hand and placed it on Adam's arm and gave it a light squeeze. "You're not in trouble; I just wanna know what it is that's got you all riled up. Your mom's worried about you."

Adam cocked his head from side to side, glancing around his room and taking in the destruction in his room as if seeing it for the first time.

"Dad," he replied after a long pause.

"You miss him?"

The young boy looked at him with sad eyes and nodded his head.

Pulling himself up, he straightened his t-shirt and pants and held a hand out to Adam. "Come on, let's tidy this up and then I'll take you to the park. Deal?"

The child looked at him suspiciously for a number of moments, as if trying to sense if it was some kind of trick. "Ice cream?" Adam asked hopefully.

"You bet, buddy."

Between the two of them they managed to tidy the room quickly, to the point where it would hardly have been noticeable that anything had occurred earlier. The structure of being given clear instructions seemed to give Adam the chance to focus on something other than his frustration at not being clearly understood by the people around him.

Tori gave them a shaky smile as she heard Adam's bedroom door open and saw the two of them emerge, the young boy looking considerably calmer and more settled than he had been for the last few days.

Adam walked up to his mother and gave her an awkward hug as he avoided making eye contact with her. "Sorry, Mom."

She resisted the urge to plant a kiss on the top of his head, knowing how much he hated physical contact of any sort. "It's ok, Adam. Go and have fun with your Uncle John."

The young boy looked at her hopefully before pointing to the door, tapping his uncle's arm to gain his attention. "Park," he commanded, causing the two adults to laugh.

Giving Tori a reassuring smile he followed Adam out the door, "We'll be back in a little while," he called from over his shoulder.

A day out in the fresh air with different company seemed to do Adam the world of good as he looked visibly more relaxed than he had this morning. A day spent riding on the subway and then a visit to Central Park seemed to raise his spirits no end, running round chasing after a basketball on the concrete court helped to get rid of a lot of the pent-up energy that was coursing through the difficult young boy.

His arms had begun to ache by the time Adam had pointed to the swings at the far end of the park. "Push," he told his uncle firmly as he raced over and sat down on one of them.

He was probably indulging the boy, yet he couldn't help himself, there was something about spending quality time with kids that made him feel good inside. Perhaps it was the fact that he had grown up an only child with no idea of what it felt like to be a sibling. He would have been a good older brother he thought, always protecting his younger sibling from anyone who meant them harm. He'd never got that chance though, was his urge to have children based on the fact that so much of his own childhood was spent on his own with only his mother for company?

He loved spending time with Adam but yearned for a family of his own, it was all well and good babysitting from time to time, to have your own children was a privilege and he wondered if it would ever happen for him and Lori. A baby would make their family complete, he would be able to care and love the child, making sure it would grow up in a home where they would know they were loved unconditionally by their parents.

Now things were back on track between them, was now the right time to start thinking about starting a family?

"Push!"

Adam's loud voice shook him from his musings as he realised he had stopped paying attention to how high Adam was on the swing. He shook his head and began pushing the boy in earnest, laughing at the delighted sounds that escaped from Adam as he did so. He failed to notice the woman who stood pushing a little girl on the swing next to him.

"How old?" the raven-haired woman asked.

His cheeks flushed slightly as he realised that he'd been caught in his own little dream world. "Uh…..seven."

She could have been no more than in her early thirties as she looked down at his hands and saw the wedding band, her face dropping slightly in disappointment. "He's lucky to have you…..so is your wife."

The meaning of her words didn't register at first, was this woman flirting with him?

"He's…uh…he's not mine. He's my nephew."

Hope sparked back to life in her eyes as she realised that this cute man was married but perhaps had no children of his own.

"Do you have your own?" she asked, hoping the answer would be no.

He shook his head sadly, he continued to push Adam as the boy laughed at going higher and higher. "Maybe someday soon," he replied wistfully.

He didn't have the chance to talk to the alluring stranger for much longer as an ice cream stall caught Adam's attention, he leapt off the swing and went running towards it. He ran after the boy as fast he could and sent a silent prayer up to the Heavens that Adam would tire soon.

A few hours and two ice creams later, Adam was beginning to flag and he could tell that the young boy would soon become tired and frustrated. "Come on, buddy. Let's take you back home."

His face dropped as he looked genuinely disappointed that his time with his uncle was up. "Adam stay?"

It broke his heart to say no to him, but he had no choice, there would be no way that Lori would even entertain the idea of their nephew staying with them overnight. "Sorry, I gotta take you back to your mom, ok?"

The boy looked at him with tears in his eyes. "Ok."

The ride back on the subway was certainly more subdued as fatigue began to take hold of Adam, he watched over the boy protectively as he dozed in the seat next to him. He might not have had kids of his own, but he was damn sure he was going to give his nephew as much of his time as he could. Someone needed to take the time to understand what made the complicated young boy tick, to look past his disabilities and see the potential inside of him.

He carried Adam on his back when they arrived at their stop on the subway, the young boy refusing to walk the few short blocks back to his home. Perhaps he should have been firmer with him and made him walk, but he took pity on him as he hoisted him onto his back and headed towards the apartment block.

Adam's arms tightened around his neck as the child whispered sleepily in his ear. "Adam happy."

The words caused a huge grin to break out on his face, due to the boy's autistic nature he very rarely spoke of his feelings or appeared to be conscious of those of others. It was rare that he would show any kind of affection to anyone, the only emotion he seemed to be able express with any regularity was anger.

He patted one of the arms around his neck. "Me too, buddy."

He felt Adam rest his head against his own in a genuine sign of affection. "Adam loves John."

Had the boy not been holding on as tightly as he was, he would have likely dropped Adam with the shock of hearing the words coming from him. Never had he heard those words come out of the child's mouth, not even to his parents.

He felt hot salty tears spring to his eyes as he cleared his throat roughly and adjusted the tired boy on his back. "Come on," he said as they neared the steps leading up to the apartment block. "Let's give you a bath and then I'll read you a story before bed."

The poor boy had almost fallen asleep in the bath, he insisted that Tori put her feet up and relax as he went about getting Adam ready for bed. She certainly looked a lot more rested and refreshed for a day away from her demanding son as she sat admiring him from the couch.

"He's asleep now," he said as he sat next to her, drying his hands off with a towel.

"John…..thanks so much for today, you didn't have to…."

Reaching out for her hand he squeezed it gently. "It's not a problem. Any time you need a hand you give me a call, ok?"

She smiled at him gratefully. "You'll make a great dad, are you and Lori making any plans to start a family?"

It was a question that he had asked himself many times recently, he desperately wanted a child of his own to love and protect. Now that things were moving in the right direction in their relationship, was now the right time to ask Lori how she'd feel about trying for a baby?

"I hope so," was his vague response to her question, the truth was that he had no idea if Lori even wanted kids; they hadn't even considered that before they got married. Had he been too blinded by his love for her to consider that perhaps they wanted different things in life.

He brooded on the questions that spending a day with Adam had raised as he made his way back to his own apartment. The sun had already begun to set, the day seemingly moving faster than he had realised.

Opening the door, he found her sitting there frowning at him.

"Where have you been?" she asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"At Tori's. Adam was being a handful again."

"What happened to being on holiday?"

He was tired himself, he had little time to get involved in another petty squabble with her. "I could ask you the same thing," he replied testily as he sat down next to her on the couch, both of them glaring at the other.

"How was work?" he asked finally, fed up with the awkward silence in the apartment.

"I was finished by three, I came back and you weren't here. I've spent the rest of the day on my own."

There were times when she could be infuriatingly short sighted when it came to the needs of others, he was tempted to make her aware of how selfish she was being but he had tired of the constant arguing and decided to take her mind off of things by being amorous with her instead.

He leaned over and kissed her hungrily, his hands reaching out to bring her head closer to his as he tried to convey his intentions towards her.

After getting caught up in the moment she pulled away suddenly. "John…..I'm trying to be angry with you," she sighed, already admitting defeat as he pulled her closer again and began trailing kisses across her neck and face.

"John," she pleaded breathlessly, knowing that it was pointless; his touch was setting her skin on fire as he refused to listen to her, his hands making short work of the blouse she was wearing.

"That's better," he mumbled against her chest as his mouth and hands worked their way further down her body.

Whatever she had considered saying went out of her mind, his skilful mouth and hands distracted her from whatever point it was that she was trying to make. She loved this man, but he could infuriate her with his willingness to try to please everyone all the time. Didn't he know that he was hers and no one else's?

No one could make her feel the way he did, his fingers roamed her body and soon both of them were naked as they got lost in the moment. He laid her back on the couch and grinned wickedly at her, she knew what his intentions were and was more than happy to let him have his way.

He lay on top of her panting as they both tried to come down from the incredible high that they had just experienced, angry sex was definitely underrated, he thought as he saw the passion still clouding his wife's eyes.

"I have an idea," he said as he shifted both of them so that Lori was nestling comfortably in his arms, their naked bodies intertwined.

"You do?" she asked playfully, all hints of her earlier irritation having vanished.

"I think we should make a deal. Let's keep the sex dirty and the fighting clean, what do you think?"

She turned around and kissed him passionately as her hands ran up and down his bare chest, revelling in the feel of his chest hair against the palms of her hands. "I think you have yourself a deal. How about we shake on it?"

He'd barely had time to hold his hand out before one of hers had travelled further south, her intentions clear as he closed his eyes and laid back, enjoying her sensuous ministrations. God he loved this woman and the passion they shared, the only thing that would make him complete was the thought of his precious wife carrying his child, something that he hoped would happen sooner rather than later.

Miami. Present day:

"He really missed you; he never understood why you left." Her words were spoken softly but all it seemed to do was make him feel worse than he already did about the whole situation.

To turn his back on everyone he knew and loved was not something he did lightly, he had been forced into making that choice by matters outside of his control. Did she not think that he had not already suffered enough for letting them down?

"None of this was easy for me Lori, why can't you understand that?"

He sounded so tired and defeated that she ached to pull him towards her and comfort him, yet her pride and principles stood in the way of reaching a hand out in forgiveness to him. One look at his tired face told her that he had suffered for the things he had done, but his betrayal had been hard on all of them, surely he understood that?

"Why didn't you come to me?" she asked him sadly.

Her question took him by surprise. "I couldn't tell anyone, it would only have placed you in danger if I had."

"So you put yourself at risk instead?"

He nodded his head, closing his eyes in defeat. "It was easier that way."

"On who?"

That appeared to be the pertinent question; nobody had come out victorious in this situation, no one except the slimy Agent Collins perhaps. They had all suffered because of the things that he was forced to do; he had never for one moment enjoyed seeing the pain on the faces of the people he cared about, the pain that he had inflicted on them.

"I guess I thought it was better that you were alive and hated me than dead because I couldn't protect you." His words were quiet, his voice barely a whisper. How many times had he been round this in his own head? Always asking the same questions but never finding the right answer.

"You could have arranged police protection for us," she suggested as she nibbled on a biscuit from the plate in the middle of the table.

He let out an incredulous laugh. "We all know how well that worked out in the Marino case, don't we?" He fiddled with his mug with is left hand, flexing the fingers when he felt the familiar tingling sensation flow through them. "They had people everywhere, Lori. I couldn't keep you all safe by myself. I made a deal with the FBI…I told them I'd do what they wanted if they kept you safe. The deeper I got in…..the worse things got, I didn't have a choice…..I had to keep going until Collins was satisfied that he'd got enough to put the Malucci's away."

His was so contrite as he spoke, she couldn't help but feel sympathy towards him, the anger of his betrayal lessened as she listened to his reasons, was it right for her to make him continue suffering for the things that he had been forced to do?

"I hated every minute of what I did back then…..I tried everything to block it out….drink, drugs…..none of it helped though. I thought about you all...every day, I couldn't eat…..I couldn't sleep. I got in so deep Lori….I couldn't get back out again until Collins had what he wanted. I never meant to hurt any of you…if I could take back the things that I had said and done...believe me I would have. I pushed you away because I wanted you to be happy….you deserved better than me…..you deserved to be safe."

He looked at her with pain-filled eyes as he confessed his sins; she couldn't help but be affected by what he was telling her. Her anger had clouded her judgement and it had made her unwilling to see just how much he had suffered too, perhaps more than anyone else. The man that sat before her now was not the carefree John that she remembered, but a man who seemed to be struggling to survive with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

His smile was one of the things she had loved most about him, yet his face seemed to be etched with a permanent frown instead as he hung his head shamefully, unwilling to look at her. He had been brutally punished by his captors and emotionally battered; he was sitting only feet away begging for forgiveness, would absolving him of his past sins finally give him the peace that he seemed to be searching for?

She had not always been the best wife to him; she had been too wrapped in her own needs and desires to pay much attention to what was best for the man she loved. Time and distance had showed her what a terrible mistake she had made when they had been together, how she wished she could take back some of the callous things she had said to him, she had been young and volatile and hit out at the one person who cared for her the most.

Rising from the chair she held her hands out to him as he looked at her questioningly, after a moment or two he took them and allowed himself to be pulled up.

"John…."

"Lori," he interrupted her. Raising a finger to his lips, she silenced whatever he was about to say.

"Be quiet and let me speak," she gently chided with a wry grin on her face, she leant over and whispered in his ear, "I forgive you."

She pulled him into a fierce hug as he sank into her embrace, feeling his legs go weak as he heard the words he had been waiting so long to hear. "You can stop fighting now," she told him as he wept silently on her shoulder.