Love and Other Tragedies
Previous: THIS SECTION CONTAINS INFORMATION FROM THE ENTIRE STORY THAT IS RELATIVE TO THE CURRENT CHAPTER.
The Simmons' were murdered by Death Eaters, while Lily had been called away to meet Snape at the playground where they first met. In shock, she escapes to Petunia's house at #4 Privet Drive. Baker had been friends with fellow Auror, Claribell Begum, and Lily met the energetic girl while staying with the Simmons'. Evie left Hogwarts early to go be with her mysterious boyfriend, Xenophilius Lovegood. During the summer, Evie had sent Lily one of her 'modified' potions that left Lily with much darker and straighter hair. Even though Baker had adored the new look, Lily was horrified, viewing the change as even further loss of her identity. The potion eventually wore off just before Lily returned to Hogwarts. Something has been going on with Kat and Remus, but neither has confessed to Lily.
Lily's parents died in a fire in her 5th year. Baker (aka Harland Simmons) is the Ministry appointed face against the Death Eaters. He was awarded the prestigious Ring of Honor for his efforts in the war. After struggling to interpret Piper Prescott's strange behavior leading up the ball it became clear that she'd really been trying to make friends with Lily. As a Christmas gift, she'd given both Lily and James a pair of mirrors that allow communication. Even though Marley McKinnon lived in a dorm with muggleborns Lily, Kat, and Evie, her friendship always tilted more towards Honor Simmons and Emmeline Vance.
Harvey, Lily's pet turtle, was sick when she left Hogwarts and she thought it might have something to do with her stress levels creating an unhealthy environment. On Christmas Baker told Lily she had one more present waiting for her at Hogwarts. Lily has hardcore suspicions about the new DADA Professor. She's caught her sneaking out and Alledora Crouch forks out constant threats to the Head Girl. There is also the strange matter of her interaction with fellow seventh year and consensus jerk, Luka MacMillan, and the newly discovered connection to Luka's older brother and Death Eater, Matis.
Chapter Thirteen
A Rising Heart and a Broken Sun
The first surprising thing that happened in the brand new year of 1978 was that the sun rose.
And like clockwork it set again that night.
On the second day that the sun rose, two Owls came and left, leaving letters that remained unopened in their wake. Petunia didn't even scold her for the post that would surely be deemed "abnormal." If anything her sister tiptoed into the room bringing soup and water with caution and fear. She stood over Lily's curled up body, unmoved since the first night, and studied her baby sister with helpless apprehension.
Lily could imagine Petunia was having quite an existential crisis about how to handle the situation. On the one hand all of this drama was highly unwanted, but on the other she was fighting with her conscious which urged her to 'fix' Lily. Petunia would grasp at the forgotten notion that their relationship could be salvaged if only Lily would shun all that other silliness. They could be real sisters again, just like when they were little.
Petunia cleared her throat breaking the ever present silence that clung to the guest room. "Would you like me to open the post for you?"
Lily couldn't imagine the strain Petunia was putting on her sanity to remain civil when referring to something so unnatural as owl delivered mail. Her body didn't move, but she tried to convey with her eyes that she didn't care either way.
Handling the first parchment as if it were contagious, Petunia eased it open with the tips of her fingers. She read with a stiff, inflectionless voice. It was from Sirius and he was letting her know that the funeral would be tomorrow at noon. The Hogwarts' Express had been delayed to accommodate the students who wished to pay their respects. He'd written directions to the cemetery.
He'd also included a cut out of The Daily Prophet article regarding the Simmons' death. Petunia didn't bother to ask this time before she started reading.
"The Wizarding World has been shaken by the brutal Auror Murders that took place on New Year's Eve. Separate groups of Death Eaters attacked four residences simultaneously that all housed Aurors. Claribell Begum was murdered in her one bedroom flat in muggle London. The twenty-two year old was fresh out of training and thought to have a very promising career as an Auror ahead of her. The Prewett brothers, Gideon and Fabian, seemed to nearly get the best of the Death Eaters that attacked their cottage in Godric's Hallow, but the five Death Eaters eventually overwhelmed them.
Renowned war hero, Harland Simmons, was caught off guard and controlled by the presence of his family. Asher (father), May (mother), and Honor (Hogwarts' age sister) were all killed along with the White Cloak. The fourth house belonged to married Aurors, Frank and Alice Longbottom, but they weren't present during the time of the attack. Their absence most certainly saved their lives, for it is rumored that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was with this particular group in the hopes of extinguishing the couple, who are viewed as two of the most formidable Aurors.
This all leads back to the horrifying question that if the wizards assigned to protecting us can't even protect themselves- is anyone really safe?"
Petunia's voice trembled and was awkward over the many unfamiliar words, but she pushed through. She looked at Lily expecting a reaction. When she didn't get one the other letter was read.
"Lovely Lily." Petunia began and Lily was proud of her sister for not scoffing at the nickname. "I'm sorry this is so last minute, but I'm afraid I won't have another chance to write. You're going to think I'm barking mad, but we got married! Xeno and I are headed deep into the jungles of Asia in search of some of the fabulous creatures he knows all about. I'm sad to finish my last year by correspondence, but this is going to be such an incredible adventure. Don't try to write me back. Owls don't seem to be able to navigate the terrain. I haven't heard a thing from anyone since we left on Christmas. Love always, Evie Lovegood."
Lily made a mental note to feel happy for her best friend when she managed to handle emotions again.
Petunia left her alone in the same position she'd found her in.
The predictability of the sun's cycle amazed her as the light began to fade through the window once again that evening. The world moved on even if she couldn't. She closed her eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. And worst than that was the fact that her brain refused to retreat into the eclipsing numbness that had been protecting her.
Evie's letter had planted a seed of desire. She wanted something, and she chased after the feeling- anything to keep the pain at bay. Her legs were weak and the hand-me-downs Petunia had provided were ill fitting, but she was on a mission. The house was dark and quiet as Lily crept out into the cold night. She didn't know where the closest store was, but she set off in the most promising direction on foot.
After a long walk down a well lit sidewalk, Lily opened the glass door to the building with shaking hands. It was a large store. The kind that sold just about anything you could think of, and she avoided catching her reflection in any shiny objects as she followed the signs to her whim.
Her reflection would only serve as a hideous reminder. Her red hair was matted and unkempt. She was cut, blistered, and bruised. It would be a miracle if she made it out of public without giving someone a heart attack. But none of those things mattered one bit to her at the moment.
What she was really scared of was the girl who might stare back at her from the mirror. Would she be broken beyond repair? How could she be expected to be strong when her strength had been stolen away from her- her Baker?
Her trip back to Petunia's house was quicker as she walked with a new purpose, her small bag smacking into her leg in stride with her steps. The house was just as she left it, and she hurried silently into the guest bath upstairs. Opening the cardboard box she followed the muggle instructions precisely. After the lengthy process was complete, she grabbed her wand urgently and repeated a modified version of the spell she'd seen Evie cast a million times.
Casting the spell was such a rush. She did it again and then again. As if her lack of magic over the past few days had caused a surplus, with every flick and swish of her wand, she felt a little freer. Again and again the spell hit her hair, but she couldn't stop. Eventually her hand began to cramp and the wooden wand hit the floor with a bouncing thump.
Exhausted, her hands braced on either side of the sink, and her body hunched towards the mirror as she finally took in her appearance.
The muggle hair dye had not exactly matched the dark auburn hue from the summer, but it was close enough. It was just a tad too dark, but considering her lack of experience with muggle hair products she was proud. The spell she used to straighten it into thick curtains was temporary, only designed to last a few weeks, but Evie had long ago discovered a modification that lasted until new hair grew to replace the old.
Baker had loved her hair like this.
By the end of the summer it had become a symbol of the strength she found, and the "Lovely" she left behind. It was a cruel injustice that the only person who could get her through such trauma was the one that had been taken away. The Death Eaters couldn't take the impact he had on her life though.
Her reflection would serve as a different type of reminder now. It would help her remember that she had strength somewhere inside of her.
On the third morning that the sun rose, Lily got up without her sister's prompting. She showered and took her time grooming. It wasn't vanity that inspired her, but instead the need to draw out the morning as long as possible. Petunia was waiting for Lily in the guest room when she finished, holding a modest black dress.
"…Is that?" Lily asked stunned by the appearance of the familiar garb.
"Mother's." Petunia finished for her, running a protective hand down the thick fabric. "Yes. I'd borrowed it from her for some work function and forgot to give it back."
"I thought we'd lost everything of theirs in the fire." She said weakly. It had been their mother's favorite thing in the whole world. Lily could imagine Adeline Evans clearer in her mind than she'd been able to in years. Probably because she'd worn the expensive garment every chance she got.
Petunia looked pained as she thrust the hanger at her younger sister. "It should fit you."
Torn between being thankful and suspicious, Lily's eyes darted from the dress back to Petunia's face.
"Just take it." Her pale face was flushed and she shook the dress with irritation.
Lily did as she asked, but placed their mother's dress on the bed and turned quickly back to Petunia. Without giving her sister a chance to stop her, Lily wrapped her arms around the only family member she had left. Petunia remained stiff and unresponsive, but Lily didn't care.
She couldn't imagine how hard it must have been to give up the only thing Petunia had left of their parents. "Thank you."
"Your figure is more like mother's…thicker." Petunia avoided her eyes, looking uncomfortable, and then gave up altogether and fled the room.
Half an hour later, Lily was completely dressed and just about to head downstairs for breakfast when the full length mirror in the corner caught her eye.
Petunia was right about Lily's figure mirroring their mother's (even if Petunia hadn't meant it as a compliment). The thick black material cupped her body like it had been made for her. The cut was timeless and modest stopping at her knees. Her pale legs were covered by pantyhose, but the exposed skin of her face looked sickly. The angry raised lines of scratches didn't help either.
At last, she stopped the study at her hair. The new much darker hue was shocking, but not altogether unflattering. With her pink cheeks (if you looked passed the cuts) and bright emerald eyes, she could have almost passed for a porcelain doll. She'd forgotten how much longer her hair hung without the swirling curls. It hit below her shoulder blades in a thick curtain of deep auburn.
She had to believe that Baker was out there somewhere smirking at her new/old look.
Suddenly the girl in the mirror was smiling too. As if caught breaking a rule, Lily's reflection dropped the smile and stared back at her startled. Happiness and smiles seemed wrong, but that's all her relationship with Baker had been. She came up short though when she tried the smile again, and left the room quickly.
"Your hair's different." Vernon Dursley commented gruffly when she sat at the table with the newlyweds.
Lily nodded politely as Petunia placed breakfast in front of her. They ate in silence. Well, Petunia and Vernon ate. Their young guest pushed her food around the glass plate, and studied her sister's new home.
It was clean and impersonal and exactly the type of house Petunia had always wanted. A house that showed the status that she'd always thought she deserved. Lily instantly felt guilty for thinking anything even the slightest bit negative after everything her sister had done for her the last three days. It was still hard for her to believe that Petunia had given her a place to sleep that wasn't the cupboard under the stairs.
"Lily, we wanted to discuss something with you." Petunia announced when breakfast was finished.
The married couple looked comical staring at her from the other side of the table. He was so round and she was so lean- an apple and a toothpick. Their eyes matched in concentration for the moment though.
"Vernon and I would like to invite you to live with us." Vernon made an unintentional face at his wife's words, but kept his mouth shut.
"That's very kind of you, but Hogwarts-."
Petunia cut her off. Her sharp features puckered with the intensity. "You misunderstand. It's time to put all this silliness behind you. There will be no more Hogwarts and no more magic!"
Immediately, Vernon's bulging eyes darted to the window as if their neighbors would be hanging about just to eavesdrop.
Staring at her sister now, Lily could see the fear and anguish clear in her pale eyes. All Lily could think about was making it better. For as long as she could remember she had been doing whatever she could to make Petunia happy. It would be so easy to accept. It would make Petunia so pleased… But Lily's spirit would never recover.
"I'll come and live with you after the term is over." Her eyes begged her sister to understand.
"No." Her eyes were hard, unyielding. "If you go back to that school, we are done."
"Please." Lily reached across the table in an attempt to take Petunia's hand.
The jerk of her hand was violent, rattling the silverware and sloping juice out of their cups. "You're going to get yourself killed! If you'd just come be normal those bad people would leave you alone. They murdered your friends! Who's to say that you aren't next? We could be a family, Lily…Please."
Lily's weak smile was watery but sure. "We'll always be family, Tuney…"
Blood is blood.
"But they are my family too." She finished, standing up as well. "Don't worry about me… I'll be fine. Everything will be fine."
"If you walk out of that door I never want to see you again. I will not stand by and watch you get murdered." Petunia straightened up to her full height. The sisters locked eyes across the kitchen table.
"I hope you change your mind." Lily told her sincerely and walked out the door that threatened to break their bond.
It wasn't always fun doing the right thing. This time it hurt like hell, but she felt strong. Maybe Baker really was out there somewhere smirking and giving her little pushes of encouragement.
After Apparating to the cemetery, she walked towards a majestic building across the hallowed ground. Heels would have looked better and the slippers that Petunia acquired for her were too large (they kept slipping of the heels of her feet), but she was thankful that she didn't have to worry about her shoes sinking into the grass.
The day was mockingly beautiful. It was supposed to be grey and raining. The sun was not supposed be fat and bold, bouncing off the light snow that littered the ground.
The stone structure was at the back of the cemetery and marble stairs jutted out from the oversized doors. It was a strange mixture of something that looked old- possibly Roman or Greek- and yet it still managed to radiate the environment of a church. Her parent's funeral had been in a church, and they still made her nervous.
She was late, slipping into the last row. It was the only seat left in the full building. The pews were just like a church's too. Her hands clenched together in her lap, uncomfortable and anxious.
Someone began speaking, but Lily didn't dare break her concentration from her lap. Her entire body was tense and the stiffness was the key to her stubborn refusal to break. Asher Simmons' best friend's words bounced off her as he talked about their rascal childhood together and the day he fell head-over-heels for May.
Other people took their turns behind the elegant podium talking about the members of the Simmons' family, but it didn't feel real. The words sounded more like something you'd read in a story- one dimensional.
That was all that was left of them now- the memories of others. It wasn't fair.
Honor and Baker should have had the chance to tell each other that they loved one another underneath all the teasing. They deserved the chance to discover 'Blood is blood' all on their own just like their mother wanted. Lily should've gotten to say goodbye- to tell him thank you. If life was fair she and Honor would have found a way to make peace. Friendship might have been farfetched, but they deserved a chance to fail trying.
If life was fair then Lily would have a lifetime of pushes from Baker. There was so much she'd never gotten the chance to ask him.
Tears, hot and free flowing, raced down her face. She couldn't blame them for trying to escape. Inside her there was only misery. Why had she never asked him about his stupid scar? A sob cracked in her chest, but no one paid any mind. Funerals were a time to cry.
It wasn't fair! She wanted to scream. She would never get to know where he got that scar, just like the Simmons' would never get to have the long lives that they deserved.
Warner Langford, Head of the Auror Department, was standing in front of the overflowing crowd and began to speak. Lily looked up surprised, but then felt stupid. Of course, he'd give a speech. Baker had been the face of the Ministry's war with the Death Eaters.
Death Eaters
Sudden shocking rage filled her. She gripped the pew in front of her, causing the elderly witch beside her to cast a nervous glance in her direction.
They had killed him. Cowards hidden in masks had come into their home and murdered the best family she'd ever known. They had defiled something pure and beautiful. Death Eaters had done more than set fire to the Simmons' home that night. The flames had set Lily's spirit blazing.
She hated them. Hate was something that had always been so foreign to her. It was so much easier to love.
"It is time we stand together as one against these monsters." Warner's deep voice echoed powerfully around them. "Harland Simmons, Gideon and Fabian Prewitt, Claribell Begum can't fight for the cause they risked their lives for day in and day out, but we can. We can all do our part to end this war."
He was blatantly using the audience's mourning to try to stir up support for the Ministry, but Lily really didn't give a damn at the moment.
Baker had once told her that Aurors weren't meant to think. They were meant to do, but only what the Ministry told them to. The idea of being controlled had repulsed her, but things were different now. She was different now. The anger and hate encouraged her stubborn resolve. She didn't care what she had to do or who she had to listen to as long as she could do her part to defeat Voldemort and the Death Eaters.
The ceremony finished, but Lily didn't move. Sniffling girls and hard faced men passed down the aisle, but her lowered head was unrecognizable. She wanted to be alone and she sat there until she was. When there was no chance of stragglers, she finally exited the building.
There were two tracks in the snow smudged ground and Lily followed the lighter tread to four fresh graves. The marble tombstones stood side by side each naming the Simmons that occupied them. They were a true family even in death.
Wasn't closure supposed to come now? She forced her red rimmed eyes to read every line on the graves. Accept it. Accept it. It was half a plea, half a demand. But it didn't feel like goodbye. At her parent's funeral it had felt like the end, but this was different. Why couldn't she say goodbye to the best friend she'd ever had? He deserved this of her.
Standing over Baker's already covered grave, Lily tried to will herself into letting him go. It was easy in theory, but she had no idea how to actually do it. She wanted to- for Baker. He would want her to do this. Actually, he would demand it. But she just grew more frustrated as she stood there, and eventually she accepted defeat, walking away with tears falling down her face.
"Whiskey?" A distinctly male voice called from behind her and Lily's heart leaped into her throat as she jerked around.
This man wasn't her Baker though. He had rust colored hair and long legs that helped him catch up with her quickly. "Are you Harland's Whiskey?"
"Who are you?" She tried to sound strong, but the affect was probably ruined when she had to wipe her running nose with a handkerchief.
"I'm a White Cloak. Harland was my partner." His face was only distinct in its plainness, but his eyes were pleasantly blue. He studied her briefly. "He talked about you all the time. I recognize you from a blurry picture he had of you at some bar."
Lily sniffled and nodded. "The Leaky Cauldron."
Just like any bloke, the White Cloak looked highly uncomfortable in the presence of a crying girl. Clearing his throat, he avoided her eyes before speaking again. "Look… They gave me Harland's Ring of Honor. It's supposed to go to the family, but…well, you know. I thought a lot about what I should do with it; bury it with him, or maybe do something sentimental-… but then I realized it really isn't my decision to make. It should be up to the person he loved best…"
His fingers were long and bony just like his legs, and he used them to hold out a chain with a familiar golden ring swaying on the end. "And that was you."
"No…" Her voice was weak. Overwhelmed, she shunned the responsibility. It was too much. "There has to be someone else."
"This is important. You can do something for Harland that no one else can. You can give him what he would want." Stubbornly, his raised the chain until the ring hung at her eyelevel.
"I-I can't." She wrapped her arms around her body. Her insides shook. It felt like she was falling apart.
"Harland once told me that you were the bravest girl he'd ever known."
"No." With a choked sob, she spoke. "I'm a mess. He knew I wasn't brave."
Using his superior strength, the White Cloak forced Lily to open her hand and poured the chain into her palm. "People aren't brave because their lives are perfect… He thought you were brave because you, unlike most people, faced your demons."
He Apparated away without another word, leaving Lily with the Ring of Honor. With shaking hands, she clasped the simple chain around her neck and fingered the piece of jewelry that settled on her breast. It felt right, like it belonged there.
Her race to Platform 9¾ was strangely light and it took her a few minutes to realize that it was because usually she had a trunk, robes, and other belongings to deal with. The fire had destroyed the possessions she'd taken for holiday, leaving her bare besides her wand, Adeline Evans' dress, and Baker's ring. She was running late and the train lurched forward as soon as she climbed on, almost as if it had been waiting on her. Checking the small windows, Lily waited to enter a compartment until she found one empty or one with her friends.
"Mind if I sit here?" Lily tried to offer Piper a weak smile sliding the door open. It probably looked more like a grimace.
Piper glanced up from her newspaper briefly before shrugging and continuing to read.
It wasn't exactly the welcome Lily had been expecting from her new 'friend.' She sighed and collapsed into the seat across from the Hufflepuff. "Did you have a nice holiday?"
Her head snapped up at the sound of the Head Girl's voice. "Lily? What did you do to you hair?"
She let out a breath and was surprised when it was almost a laugh. "It's good to see you too, Prescott."
Piper's golden hair was wrapped at the nape of her neck in an immaculate bun. She was already dressed in her robes, but even underneath the fabric Lily could tell her posture was still perfect. "I was very sad to hear about the Simmons' family. I know that you were well acquainted with Honor's brother."
Lily nodded quickly, unwilling to think or talk about the subject further. It wasn't like anyone would understand.
The door to their compartment slid open revealing what was left of her old dorm mates. Kat already had a comforting arm around a tearstained Marley, and when she spotted Lily her eyes welled with compassion. "Lovely…"
It was a punch in the stomach. Kat's pity meant nothing to her. How could she pretend to empathize when she had never felt this kind of loss?
With controlled purposeful actions, James stepped around Kat, casting an irritated glance at the shorter brunette before masking his face toward Lily. "We were starting to believe you'd missed the train."
Lily didn't even notice the entourage that accompanied them until all of the seventh year Gryffindors were cramming into the small area. The boys and Marley were all still in their black funeral robes, but Kat's simple dark skirt and shirt were symbolic of her muggle upbringing. James seemed to be the unrivalled leader of the chaotic group. He practically led Sirius to the spot beside Piper before sitting on the other side of his distracted friend. It was a tight fit with four on each side, but Remus, Kat, and Marley sat unquestioningly beside Lily while Peter took the remaining spot beside James.
"I looked for you at the cemetery." Kat managed to lean around Remus to look at Lily without letting Marley go. "I suppose I didn't recognize you because of the hair."
James cleared his throat, saving her again from responding to Kat. He stared at Lily with his official Head Boy face. "I cancelled the prefect meeting. We can reschedule for next week."
His behavior was, once again, catching her off guard. First of all, he was acknowledging her in public which was odd, but not nearly as strange as his attentiveness. Sure, it was stiff and formal attentiveness, but still- it was new.
"Where is the other one?" The sole non-Gryffindor asked abruptly. Even Sirius, who so far had remained detached and unaware, turned to stare at her, confused. Piper remained matter-of-fact as she explained. "The stalking muggleborn who was in need of a haircut."
"Evie got married!" Kat said and laughed with surprise as if she'd just remembered the news. "She's finishing Hogwarts by that Owl program Dumbledore set up for students who haven't returned because of the war."
It was easy to build their conversation from there, and with a little steering from James, the topic of the Auror Murders wasn't brought up again. Even if it was superficial, Lily thought it was nice. Everything was dark and twisted outside their little compartment, but for the few hours that they traveled through the countryside they were just a group of seventh years talking about classes and dreading N.E.W.T. exams.
The casual conversation was pleasant, but it filled her quota of social interaction for the day. Exhausted, Lily split from the group when they entered the Great Hall and made her way back to the Head Suite alone.
Snitch ran to greet her, curling his golden body around her leg. She stared down at him suspiciously. "Oh, are we friends now?"
His cat eyes stared up at her innocently, but Lily wasn't fooled. He was probably just lonely from the holiday. He would abandon her again as soon as his beloved James arrived. She ran a hand down his soft fur anyways before continuing to her room.
On the end of her made-up bed sat a wrapped square. It stopped Lily in her tracks.
Baker's last gift.
It seemed like a million years ago that they'd sat around the living room on Christmas. The present was bigger than an average picture frame and relatively flat, but smaller than a portrait. She approached it with caution. Not cautious of the object, but of her emotional reaction.
Whiskey,
I can't believe I got you two presents, you ungrateful little wench. I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me. It's not on time because Tom is a real pain in the ass, but in the end my charm prevailed. As a busy fellow, I won't always be there to keep you on track. You are extraordinarily needy. I figured this is the second best thing than actually having me with you…
Her hands shook as she pulled away the wrapping paper. She was confused at first. He'd given her a framed piece of wood? But it was only an instant later that realization flooded her. She'd spent months leaning over the exact slab at The Leaky Cauldron talking to her new friend. The wood was dark and glossy, stained from years of abuse, but the graffiti they had carved into the slab with was still distinguishable.
7/15/1977
Best day of your life, Whiskey.
The date was the first time they'd spoken and the first marking he'd inscribed. She had been livid when she caught him, convinced Tom would sack her. Her boss never noticed though, and she eventually relaxed into Baker's unorthodox timeline. She'd even joined in a few times, though her additions were mostly little sketches. The countless dates, lines, and pictures betrayed no obvious rhyme or reason.
8/22/1977 Baker is a sore loser. She'd added a picture of a miniature Firewhiskey bottle next to the entry. They'd played some absurd drinking game that he'd come up with and then pouted when he ended up drunker than she was.
8-01-1977 Tom hates us.
Some (certain) witches can't hold their alcohol July 22,1977.
7/29/1977 Whiskey was brave today.
August Fifteenth- Keep your hands to yourself!
She gazed over the dozens of familiar entries, until she found a new one that she'd never seen before in the bottom right. He had to have made the inscription after he'd bribed Tom into letting him cut the chunk out of the bar because the date was after the attacks.
Jan. 1st, 1978
You are brave. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are one of a kind.
Her fingers trailed over the glass that protected the carvings. It was proof- something more than memories to show that he existed- that he was as real as the imprint he'd left on her life. Their relationship was real and she had a record she could look at now anytime she wanted.
More than anything, she wanted to tell him how perfect it was.
Every day for the rest of the week the sun rose and the sun set, and Baker was still dead. She didn't feel normal, but she was functioning. Harvey was loads better and he seemed genuinely pleased with her return. Her life was a foggy cycle of class, duties, school work, and sometimes meals.
On January 9th, Lily woke up and immediately knew something was different about the day. It was Monday and her attendance in class was mandatory as always, but for a moment she just laid there, her hand immediately seeking the cold pane on Harvey's aquarium. Something itched at the back of her subconscious- something she was purposefully not remembering. It was something heavily stamped into her mind though, and as much as fought it in the end she could not help from remembering.
Every year on January 9th since she was a little girl, Lily left Severus Snape a flower on his birthday- a lily. It started as a fun challenge. She had tried to surprise him with the gift where he least expected it; lying innocently in his medicine cabinet, the stem tucked into his favorite book, folded into his napkin at breakfast. As she got older she had to use magic, but she'd never missed a year since they'd met. He would never tell her, but the silly little tradition made his birthday each year. She could always tell because of his abnormally flushed cheeks and the way he would pat his pocket throughout the day as if to assure himself that it was still there- that she was still real.
It turned out that January 9th was just like any other day. It was a Monday filled with going through the motions of breakfast, classes, lunch, classes, dinner. To anyone else life continued on, each day mimicking the one before. To anyone else it was just a day.
But to Lily it was the day that she let Severus Snape go once and for all. He would not find her little token in his bag or upon his trunk. He wouldn't find it because it didn't exist, just like her love.
She didn't know if she was surprised to find him looming in the corridor on her way to breakfast the next morning. Severus paced in the empty space, eyes darting in rhythm with his racing thoughts. It was the look of someone unhinged, dangerous. There was not an ounce of fear in her though as she held her head even, walking passed him as if he were nothing more than a portrait hanging on the wall.
Her indifference pushed him over the edge. "I saved you!"
The beat of her shoes tapping into the ground never broke pattern as she continued away from him. He was nothing anymore.
"I saved you!" He shouted again at her back and this time she heard the crack in his voice.
Lily stopped walking and turned to him with a cruel sneer. He did not get to cry, not while they were dead. "You didn't save me, Snape... You killed them."
"It was the only way." He pleaded. She had never seen him like this. It would have been unnerving, except she could not bring herself to want to extinguish his suffering. "I had to save you."
"Did you expect me to thank you?" Her voice quivered with revulsion.
"You don't know how much I've done to keep you safe." His pale face was splotchy from emotion as he continued to beg.
"Don't." Lily's voice rang out like a resolute clap of thunder. Mustering up every bit of pain she felt, she tried to puncture him with her stiff gaze. "I would rather be dead then saved by a Death Eater."
His face went rigid, but she only caught a glimpse as she turned on her heel and continued to the Great Hall.
Thanks to Snape she was late for breakfast and she was shocked to see Sirius was the only remaining member of her friends. He was barely ever alone these days. Lily almost suspected that the Marauders had worked out some kind of schedule to keep their friend fully occupied and supervised at all times.
He looked up quickly when she sat down, but then let out a relieved breath. "Oh, it's you."
"Always the charmer, Black." She grinned as she spoke dryly. He looked rugged. His glossy hair was even longer than usual, and there were dark circles under his grey eyes.
It was nice to see him smile in return though. "I thought you were James… Don't get me wrong they're great mates-."
"The best." Lily corrected him.
"The best." He amended. "But they're driving me mad. I swear Peter followed me into the loo last night."
She hooted with laughter, drawing the attention of a few of their peers. She realized Sirius was laughing too, and for a moment she was worried what they looked like to the others. They probably thought they were terrible, laughing and cutting up while Honor was dead. She shook off the inkling. It was her grief to deal with any whatever way she wanted.
"Do you think maybe you could distract Prongs with some extra Head Boy duties or something? I can lose the other two, but James is persistent." He shoved a roll in his mouth as soon as the question was out.
"Don't they help? I can't imagine you wanting to be alone. You hate being by yourself." She pointed out. Sometimes it still surprised her that she knew so much about him. It was like an encyclopedia of Sirius in her head. What did other girls do with all the information they had stored on their ex boyfriends? At least she could still put her knowledge to work as Sirius' friend.
His eyes met hers intently. "I do need them…sometimes, but I feel like some of it I have to work out on my own. They're always trying to cheer me up which is brilliant, but every once in awhile I want to be sad…Like Honor deserves it or something. I wasn't a very good boyfriend, but I still liked her- cared about her."
Sirius needed to make peace with the situation. It would be his way of letting go. "I'll see what I can to about Potter, but if he follows me into the loo I'll curse him."
He chortled with laughter and they finished their meals in comfortable company.
"I like your hair by the way." He ruffled her smooth locks before jogging off to Quidditch practice.
The seventh years had a free period so Lily headed to the library through the chilly castle. Kat and Marley had their own table, but Lily waved at them as she passed, sitting with Piper at a back table. It was expected that Marley and Kat would bond since they were the only girls left in their dorm, and Lily was happy that they found solace with one another. Their new close friendship wasn't why the Head Girl avoided them.
Ever since she returned to Hogwarts she found herself seeking Piper's company more and more. It was easier to be with her than anyone else. There was no unspoken pity looming behind her eyes. With Piper nothing was left unsaid. Lily appreciated Kat's concern, but she didn't need her sympathy.
Piper gave her a polite nod, but kept her attention focused on her studies.
An hour later when James entered dragging along a reluctant looking Sirius, Lily was reminded of her promise to Sirius. "Er..Potter! Sirius! Over here."
The Head Boy looked up surprised, casting an alarmed glance at his best mate. It was strange breaking their unspoken agreement to never interact in front of Sirius. He wasn't the only one confused by her invitation as the two boys made their way to the table. Piper raised a speculative eyebrow in her direction.
"We're all friends, right?" She fought the defensive edge to her voice that tried to break through.
"Evans." James greeted them cautiously. "Prescott."
"We've got room at our table." Lily told them, making pointed eyes at Sirius.
He understood immediately and she was thankful for his position behind James or his obvious relaxation would have given them away. "Yeah, mate. You stay. I just remembered I promised to meet Remus after practice."
"I'll go with you." James insisted.
"Actually," She jumped in at Sirius' muted panic. "I was hoping you could help me with this Transfiguration essay."
The Head Boy nodded reluctantly, but cast a worried glance at Sirius who only looked relieved to be temporarily free of his babysitter. He made a swift getaway as James unloaded his books, stopping at the library door to shoot her a conspiratorial smile.
She mouthed "You welcome" as he disappeared out the door.
When all James' books were settled he cleared his throat. "I wanted to thank you again for the mirrors, Piper. I gave the other to Sirius. They're really helpful."
It was like someone suddenly clenched her stomach in their hand. Lily's breath hitched and she fought to keep her appearance unaffected. Just like James, she'd given one half of her connected mirror to her best friend. Both mirrors had burned with the Simmons' house.
Piper went back to her studies without noticing, but Lily should've known that nothing got passed James. He saw everything and her silent pain was no exception. As if his action was purely reflexive, he reached out to her clenched hand on top of the table, but at the last moment stopped and pulled away without touching her.
She checked his face, expecting to find sympathy or regret, but he wasn't even looking at her anymore. His strong handsome face was focused on Piper in a strangely determined way. "When we came on the Simmons' house we used the mirrors to communicate… Sirius ran in to try and save them, and I waited outside for the Aurors to arrive. It was how I informed Sirius that the house was about to collapse so he could get out… And it was how I let him know that-…that Evans was just arriving."
The words weren't for Piper. They were for her. It was his way of telling her that they'd thought she was in the burning house, and it upset him.
She turned to Piper too as she spoke, but again the words were not meant for the Hufflepuff. "I guess your Christmas present saved my life."
It was all too much emotion for Piper who wrinkled her face in an unpleasant way. She gave a stiff nod of her head and then went back to her essay. The Head Students followed her example, sinking into their school lives. Two more times James almost touched her accidently, and each time he stopped resolutely short.
He was thoughtful, friendly, and charming, but he refused to initiate contact. It was too bad because as he sat windblown and rosy cheeked all she could think about was touching him. She was sure it was his stupid Quidditch uniform. Why did they have to be so damn tempting?
James could offer her a unique form of comfort that would go a long way in easing her emotional turmoil. Unfortunately, he made it more than clear that was the one type of support he wasn't willing to give. Not being able to have him, only seemed to make her desire him more.
Defense Against the Dark Arts had become a daunting task, and as Lily sat in class later that week she realized that today would be no different. Her suspicions had not been dampened, but her will to openly battle Professor Crouch had. The truth was she was tired. Her emotions were drained and she just didn't have the fight that was necessary at the moment.
The problem was that no one had informed the professor that Lily was no longer interested in their game, and the older woman had zeroed in on the Head Girl like never before. She called on Lily twice as much as any of the other students and her answer had to be completely accurate or Crouch would launch into a berating fit at the Head Girl's expense.
"Interesting piece of jewelry you have there, Ms. Evans." Her brown hair was parted right down the middle in the most unflattering way as her eyes focused in on Baker's Ring of Honor that had hung permanently around Lily's neck since the day of the funeral. The professor had developed a sick pleasure at calling her least favorite student to the attention of her peers.
Lily's face flared predictably and her hand caught the gold in her hand as if to hide it from her classmates' invasive eyes. "It's private."
"The Ring of Honor, if I'm not mistaken." Crouch ignored her defense and circle her desk calmly, but Lily could see the happiness she gained from making her uncomfortable. "I wonder what you could have done to earn such high honors. I don't recall reading any articles about your valiant acts in The Daily Prophet."
Her teeth ground together in an effort to retain her composure.
"She said it was private, Professor." A stern voice broke the silence of the room and Lily immediately looked at James who sat two tables away. His focus remained on the front of the classroom where the older woman lingered.
"Of course, of course." She only looked slightly put off that James had ruined her fun for before turning to Lily again. "The only reason I mentioned it is because the Ring of Honor is rumored to be charmed with potent protection spells…. I was merely curious."
Her brown eyes hung to the ring on Lily's chest with burning intensity. It was like she took every opportunity to try and let Lily know that she wasn't ever as safe as she thought she was. It was a promise of things to come- dangers that she couldn't wait for the redhead to meet. She fed off the fear that she inflicted.
More than anything Lily wanted to show her that she wasn't afraid of her. Pulling at a lock of smooth hair for strength, she raised her head just as Professor Crouch was turning to the board to begin the lesson. "I suppose it would be best if it did hold some protection properties… that way if Hogwarts gets attacked again you won't have to worry about the guilt of abandoning innocent children as you flee just like you did last time."
An audible gasp swept the classroom as half the eyes glued to their teacher in expectation of her reaction, while the other half gaped at their Head Girl in shock.
There wasn't even a ripple in her unperturbed expression, but Lily could swear that a waver hung slightly to her words. "Detention, Ms. Evans…. And why don't we make it an even three weeks while we're at it."
She had to duck her head to hide her smile as Crouch began their lesson, feeling irrational pleasure at getting under her teacher's skin even the slightest bit. Detention was a small price to pay for the fulfillment. A letter began to write itself in her mind, letting Baker know about her brave actions.
The grin was wiped clean off her face. There would be no more letters to Baker.
Honor's empty seat at dinner that night seemed more vacant than ever. Their meal spots were kept respectively similar to the way it had been before holiday. Emmeline Vance no longer sat with them, choosing to seek the comfort of her twin brother Connor, and Marley edged down to fully commit to Kat and Lily, but otherwise things were the same. Honor's prized spot beside Sirius loomed purposefully between them as if it was merely waiting for her return.
But just like there would be no more letters to Baker, Honor Simmons would never return to take her spot with them again.
If this had taught her anything it was that grief wasn't saying goodbye once. It was a million small realizations that they were really truly irreversibly gone. The sun rose and the sun set and every day there was another farewell to be said- another day that the ones we lost would never get to have.
Her first detention for getting cheeky in DADA was the following Monday after classes. She was shocked to see a fellow seventh year also in attendance. She'd been expecting Crouch to keep it private so she could reprimand Lily without the fear of witnesses. Another surprise came when Crouch listed off a distracted list of tasks for them to complete and then left the room.
Lily turned confused to the other girl sentenced to detention. "That wasn't exactly what I was expecting."
"Just be thankful." Grace Murray passed her a cloth they were supposed to be scrubbing the classroom floor with. "Most nights she gets out of here as fast as possible, but sometimes she hangs around and well… you've met her, right?"
Lily chuckled and nodded perfectly understanding what Grace meant about their professor's unpleasantness. Grace had a mess of curly brown hair that kinked, opposed to Lily's hair which used to twirl gracefully down her back. The Ravenclaw was smart, diligent, and quiet which made it even more shocking to see her there. "You've got a lot of experience with detention with Professor Crouch?"
"Oh, yeah." Grace grinned as she began showing her seventh year counterpart the correct technique to use on the floor. "We've got a nice little system worked out at this point. I correct her teaching skills and then she makes a date with me that night so I can scrub her floors."
"Wow." Lily remarked putting very little exertion into her efforts. "I thought Crouch saved all her dreadfulness for me. It's nice to know I'm not all alone in her distaste."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I thought all the teachers were wrapped around Lovely Lily's finger." Grace's hands moved in an efficient way that came from practice, not determination. "I guess our charming professor likes to pick a student from each house to bully."
By the time their punishment was over for the night Lily's knees were aching, but Grace had made the whole experience a little more bearable with her witty insults at Crouch's expense. She also did a spot on impression where she parted her hair down the middle and sneered unattractively while berating Lily on her choice of socks. It was nice to know that she wasn't the only one who saw through Professor Crouch's supposedly helpful ways.
Grace was a nice distraction over the next week and half getting through the detentions. She wasn't always present, but more often than not she would return after a day or two with chagrin. Keeping her mouth shut just didn't seem to be her talent. Their common enemy formed a nice bonding point and Lily even invited her new comrade to the small birthday celebration Kat insisted on throwing for her.
Lily woke up on her birthday without the slightest inkling of nostalgia or sentimental attachment.
Once again the sun rose and the Simmons' had still been murdered, her parents were still dead. It was just another day like the one before it and the one that would predictably follow. Today she was eighteen, and yet her age could not be defined by the years that had passed, but instead by the people she had loved and the innocence her tragedies had stolen from her. She did not need January 30th to remind her of the path she'd been down. It was with her everyday as surely as the rising and setting sun.
"Happy birthday, Lovely!" Kat exclaimed under the shrouded morning sky of the Great Hall.
A chorus of similar greetings followed. Apparently, her friends wouldn't be operating under her blasé birthday attitude. It was nice to see everyone smiling though. Cheerfulness had become an uncomfortable emotion to deal with as time continued to distance them from the Auror Murders. Every smile was followed by a glint of doubt. Was it okay to be happy even though their friend was dead?
"Everyone kept their schedules free for tonight, right?" The petite girl brushed her black fringe away and narrowed her navy eyes at the others as if she suspected them of a crime.
"Isn't your lot due for a good prank?" The Head Girl looked hopefully to the Marauders. "Feel free to risk detention. I will completely understand if you miss the get-together."
Instantly, she regretted the comment at her old dorm mate's dejected expression. The small gathering had actually been a good distraction from the escalating war and their grief. Lily was just trying to overcome years of aversion to being the center of attention.
She sighed, but swept her face into careful expression of cheerfulness. "I'm only taking the mickey. If any of you don't show up I'll be forced to hunt you down and force your attendance."
Her faux excitement was good enough for Kat and she snapped back into her normal self easily. "Don't forget I'm coming early to set up and get ready with you."
Nodding her acceptance, she noticed a sad look Marley cast them, but didn't make an attempt to invite the blonde to join. Kat and Lily were due some alone time. They almost always sought the company of Marley and Piper instead of each other. Maybe with Lily and Kat spending time together, Marley could make an effort to see Emmeline who had just about completely disappeared from their social circle.
"Where's the butter?" Lily's eyes searched the spread for the butter dish.
She met the Head Boy's eyes vertically across the table as he was the one currently holding the small dish. He held it out to her briefly before setting it down where she could reach it, but he didn't run the risk of accidentally touching her. She wanted to look at him incredulously and say "Is that really necessary?"
He was taking this whole no contact thing a little too far. The week before she'd almost bumped into him in the Head Suite and he'd flown across the room as if she was threatening to douse him with acid. It was getting silly, and really- couldn't they just touch a little bit?
Crouch cancelled her detention at the last minute so after classes Lily headed back to her room. Kat was already there, using the blanket invitation through the Truth Mirror that Lily had given her. The pure abundance of decorations made her halt at the last step. It looked like a rainbow had thrown up all over the room. Streamers, balloons, and banners of every perceivable color covered each inch of the suite.
"Is it too much?" Kat stood in the middle of it all, staring at Lily with big vulnerable eyes.
Yes
"No." Lily lied. It would be mean spirited to crush all of Kat's handwork with her words. "I thought you promised that this was going to be a small intimate gathering."
She giggled, sashaying around a grouping of balloons that littered the ground. "Of course. I just got a little keen with the embellishments. Small intimate gatherings can be festive, you know."
The redhead made a face in reply, but kept her mouth shut ducking under a "Happy 18th!" banner that hung across her door.
"Hullo, Harvey." Lily whispered to her pet, breezing across the room to his aquarium. She'd thought he was over his sickness, but she'd started to notice that he was still a bit peaky. Anything was an improvement from before holiday, but she was making a point to keep an attentive eye on him.
"Alright, that's enough time with the reptile." Kat's face wrinkled with distaste. She didn't exactly understand Lily's love for the little green creature. "Start getting ready while I wait for Potter to get back from the kitchens… What's his deal anyways? He actually offered to do whatever he could to help me for the part- I mean- small intimate gathering. Are you friends now or something?"
She shrugged, hoping it would be enough to dismiss Kat's curiosity. Thankfully, the smaller girl was distracted by the upcoming event and she shooed Lily into the bathroom without another word.
In the shower she contemplated James' changes since holiday. He was being her friend, and it wasn't even in a fake pity way. He'd proven it time and time again over the past month, standing up for her, being supportive, and even going out of his way to try and make her happy. It was what she had wanted- for him to be able to be her friend even if he couldn't get over his guilt about Sirius.
So why wasn't she satisfied? It wasn't like her to be greedy, but with James there was never enough. She'd wanted him to want to be her friend, and now that she had gotten her wish, she craved his touch. When did it end? It was selfish.
He had this distorted idea that he loved her. It wasn't love between them though. She could see how he would misunderstand the symphony of emotions that encased them. She cared for him deeply, lusted after him with a burning passion, and wanted him to be happy, but that didn't mean they were in love. It meant they were teenagers.
Love wasn't supposed to make James feel the way he did with so much anger and hate. Love was easy. It was control. To love someone was to need them. James didn't need her just as Lily didn't need him.
Once she was clean Kat directed her to sit on the floor while she plaited her hair. The plait chased down half of the part of her hair and left the rest of her dark hair straight and glossy.
Kat's eyes were focused as she put the finishing touches on Lily's hairstyle. "I feel like a real prat for not getting you a present yet."
"There is one thing you could give me actually…" She spoke with sly longing, hoping to ensnare her friend. "It won't even cost you a Knut."
Kat jumped at the opportunity, eager to please. "What is it?"
"You can tell me what exactly has been going on between you and Lupin for the past couple of months."
"Oh, Merlin." Kat huffed shocked with a twinge of irritation. "How long have you known?"
"I don't know anything right now that's why I'm asking you." She shot back with a grin.
Breaking away from the birthday girl quickly, Kat went to her wardrobe and began fingering the garments in a mission to find Lily the perfect outfit. She spoke as she worked and Lily could understand that sometimes it was easier to say things without looking someone in the face. "I hate you wasted your birthday present. There really is much to tell. I fancy him, but it turns out I'm just a ruddy pillock because he doesn't feel the same way."
"What do you mean he doesn't fancy you back?" Lily asked confused. That wasn't the vibe she had gotten from Remus at all. "He told you that?"
"Well, no." She admitted, laying out a pretty top that she'd purchased at Maureen's Cupboard for Stylish Witches over the summer. "But I've made it perfectly clear how I feel about him. I thought I knew how he felt about me too, but it's like we're stuck. All he has to do is push over the edge of something more and he just… won't."
Pulling on the green shirt Kat picked for her, she kept her attention focused on her friend. "Why are you waiting on him to take things further? Maybe he's waiting on you to make the first move."
"Do you really think so?" Her brow furrowed like she'd never considered that as a possibility.
"You know Remus. He's shy. I can't see him making a move without absolute positivity that you'd be receptive to it." Lily answered practically.
"So what? I should just jump on him and demand a good hard shag?" She brushed her black fringe out of her eyes.
"Maybe start with a kiss and work your way up." Lily checked her reflection in the vanity mirror one last time.
Music floated under her door mingling with voices of the crowd that had come to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. Kat gave her sheepish smile as they entered the fray of the 'small intimate gathering.' This was a full blown shenanigan. She wouldn't lie and say it didn't make her happy to see that so many friends had made the effort to come celebrate with her though. Grace was the only missing face.
No matter how hard she tried, Lily couldn't soak in the festive atmosphere. She was an outsider looking in at the fun and not even her bright smiles could convince her otherwise. It was being alone surrounded by people who loved her- the very worst kind of loneliness. There really wasn't a use for the crowd if she was going to be in solitude anyways, or at least that's what she told herself as she snuck out the door into the courtyard.
People probably thought the weather was too chilly for the outdoors, but the courtyard was charmed at a comfortable temperature. She sighed heavily when the door clicked open behind her, thinking she'd ruined the secret to her isolation. Turning to her guest, she met familiar hazel eyes and when James did not speak she lifted her head up to gaze at the stars overhead. He'd obviously followed her and he'd share whatever it was he came to say in his own time.
She wasn't alone anymore. His presence filled up the courtyard and poured into her chest. They were silent for so long that Lily forgot to worry.
Finally, he stepped closer and it set her heart racing with the force of an angry locomotive. His breath tickled her cheek as he whispered. "Happy birthday, Lily."
And then he touched her for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Soft lips that were intent of grazing her skin wrenched away from her eventually, but the damage had been done. Like lightening, shocks raced from the spot where he'd kissed her cheek and her body was scorched by fire.
He was gone just as quickly as his lips without even disturbing the quiet they'd preserved.
Why did it hurt so badly? This pain was irrational. The only thing worse than being so close to him without being able to have him completely was when he left her alone like this. It was true, deep loneliness.
She sank down to the ledge of the fountain, fighting the sadness that threatened to choke her from the inside out.
"Lily?" A new voice questioned cautiously. "Are you okay?"
Startled by the invasion her head jerked up. Callum wobbled uncertainly inside the door, like he didn't know if he should be there or not.
She opened her mouth to tell him that she was fine. The words were prepared and thought out in her mind. For a moment she thought that nothing would come out at all and then something much worse broke through the surface with a great heaving wave.
She sobbed, leaking all her vulnerabilities for him to see. He had every right to turn away from her and leave her to the misery that assaulted her. After all, she'd left him at the Christmas Ball without a word. There was no telling what he thought of her, and she probably deserved worse.
When he wrapped his arms comfortingly around her, she only cried harder because Callum was too good for her. Even at the honest thought, she still buried her head deeper in his chest. She was too weak to deny his comfort at the moment.
"Tell me what's wrong, Lily." His voice murmured softly in her ear.
She was too weak to deny him that either, and before she knew it the horrible truth was pouring out with her tears. It was strange to say the words out loud again, but also terribly therapeutic as she was released from being the only person alive besides James who knew about what had happened between them. Callum was a good listener. He wasn't even mad, but that could have something to do with her hysterics. There weren't many blokes who would berate an already crying girl.
"I don't think it's healthy to hold all of that inside." Callum remarked softly, squeezing her tighter to him when her tears finally subsided.
She rapidly wiped at her cheeks, hoping she didn't look completely atrocious. "I can't believe I just told you all that…"
"Your best mate just died, Lovely." He said to her gently. "You had to know that if you held all of your feelings inside that eventually they'd find a way out."
Now that her vision was clear she could make out the dark circles under Callum's eyes. He looked skinnier too. It reminded her that she wasn't the only one living in a world of fear and stress. Honor's spot on words about her selfishness pricked at her heart painfully. "You used to date Honor, didn't you? I've been dreadful. I should have made sure you were okay."
"It wasn't anything serious like that. I was sad to hear that she'd passed, but you didn't owe me any sort of special condolence. We were friends… but she was sort of a pain in the ass. Is that okay to say about the dead?" His chuckle lightened the serious subject matter.
She grinned in return. "I said some really terrible things to Honor before she died, and I never got the chance to apologize. It made me feel like I owed her something, like she should be remembered as this perfect person… But you're right. Honor was a lot of good things… but she could be a real bitch too and to remember her otherwise doesn't do her memory justice. She should be remembered as the whole person she was, not just the good parts."
Callum agreed and a thoughtful silence took them. She vowed to be a better friend to him. Once she had thought that something could happen between them, but she knew now that it would never be like that, especially after she'd confessed her affair with James. She would never have that passion she felt for James with him, and he'd never be Baker.
There would never be another Baker. He was one of kind.
But for the moment, she was just content to not be alone- to have someone to share with.
And tomorrow the sun would rise and the sun would set.
000000000
Author's Note: I can happily say that I am uploading this chapter on MY VERY OWN internet! I cannot express how much I have missed having access whenever I want. Hopefully, this will increase my updates, but I'm not making any promises. Considering my strenuous word counts, I think I'm a pretty decent updater as it is.
Things to keep in mind while reviewing (the downfall of long chapters is things from the beginning sometimes get forgotten about):
Baker's last gift
Petunia's behavior/ultimatum
Ring of Honor
Snape's Birthday
Lily's mourning
The symbolism of the sun throughout the chapter
And, of course, as I always say- this would not be a story without your helpful, encouraging, thoughtful reviews. Thank you.
The Behind the Scenes will be updated today, so check it out, but pretty please don't forget to review. I'd love to hear what you think about all my little facts too. Is there anything that surprises you?
One more thing and then I'll shut up. I can't believe I am even considering this, but I've had some pm's and reviews asking about a possible follow up story when L&T is complete that focuses on the next generation (meaning the trio's children). I've got a pretty solid plot building in my head and I'm thinking I would love to focus on Harry's youngest child and only daughter, Lily Luna Potter. My question is what are the best ships for Lily Luna? I have some thoughts on the matter, but I'd love to hear what you guys think. Anyone interested?