AN: I've finally come to you with this chapter. It was pretty hard to write, but here it is. I hope you'll like it. I think I had pictured Elena's feelings pretty well with her talking about the three boys (Tyler, Matt, Dylan) with her friends. Anyway, enjoy it. And of course, review!

When the days are cold

And the cards all fold

And the saints we see

Are all made of gold

"Elena Gilbert, will you marry me?"

The words echoed in her head as she was stared down at Dylan still holding that little velvet box in his hand, his eyes glistening, as he anxiously waited for an answer. She wanted to run, to escape from everything right now. She couldn't do that though. She had to stay there and give him an answer.

If she said no, she would lose him forever and she didn't want to. She loved him, he was the first constant in her life after the accident and she couldn't let that go. She would be destroyed if she lost that. He had been there for her in moments when she couldn't trust anyone else and losing that meant losing a part of herself that she wasn't ready to give up.

But if she accepted his proposal her life would take a 180 degrees turn. Right now, the most important thing in her life wasn't him. She should be ashamed to say that out loud, but she wasn't. The most important thing in her life at the moment was finishing her book, finding a good publisher and for the book to be successful. She finally got a job she was excited about. The fact that in the beginning she would just write small articles and help people with their fact checking was of little importance, because she was going to work hard to achieve a better position, to be an important person and she couldn't do that being married. For Elena, marriage meant devotion and devotion meant that all her attention was supposed to go to her husband and she wasn't ready to do that just yet. She couldn't get married and then go on with her life like she had planned to do. No. That would affect both her and Dylan.

Why was he proposing to her here, in this bar, surrounded by so many people? That made the situation harder than it already was and she didn't know how to tell him she couldn't get marry, not just yet. But would he wait for her if she explained the situation to him? She wanted to believe he would, she wanted to think he loved her that much that he could wait a few more years. But the more she thought about this, the more terrified she got because no one could wait for another one that long, just because their job was more important than love. He wouldn't understand her. He would think she is selfish.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so bad but she just couldn't allow herself to break down. These were the moments when she needed her mother more than she needed the air she breathed. She needed the person who gave her life to be next to her, to tell her what is right and wrong, to advise her. She needed her mother to tell her what to do.

"Elena?" Dylan's voice reached her ears but she still couldn't find her voice. "Are you going to answer?" his voice trembled this time. He was going to insist until she gave him an answer and she couldn't drag him along until she would be able to give him what he wanted.

He deserved to get the happiness he wanted, he deserved to find a girl who would love him as much as she loved him, but who wouldn't be as selfish as she was and wouldn't put herself above his happiness. She wanted that for him. She wished he could be happy and if his happiness was away from her, then that was it. She would accept it and instead of being happy with him, she would try to put every piece of herself in her work. That way, she won't regret doing that to him.

"No," Elena's voice was shaky, tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to hold them in but it seemed to be impossible, so she just let them flow free on her cheeks.

"What? No?" Dylan asked, confused. He wasn't grasping that she was saying no to his proposal. He didn't know she was giving up on two years with him. No. She was actually giving up on a lifetime with him.

"No, I can't marry you," her voice was stronger this time, tears still wetting her face. She watched as his face fell and he let the little box fall out of his hand, crashing to the floor.

"You-you can't marry me?" he repeated numbly.

Elena looked to Damon who had his eyebrows arched and a confused look on his face. She couldn't even look at Caroline. She was probably staring blankly at her, judging.

Dylan's eyes wandered to Damon and his eyes opened wide. "Of course" he nodded his head. "It's you. That's why she can't marry me. She's having an affair with you," he declared.

"What? No!" Elena snapped, looking over to Damon who was now smirking dangerously at Dylan. "No. I barely know him!" she explained.

"You couldn't blame her if she did have an affair with me though," Damon shrugged indifferently.

"Motherfucker!" Dylan lunged at Damon and he was about to punch him but his fist stopped in midair when Elena jumped between the two of them.

"Stop!" she screamed, more tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "Damon, you should stay out of this," she warned him.

"Come on, sit down and shut up," Stefan came from behind him and pulled him away from Elena and Dylan. She watched him sit on a stool next to Stefan and drink his whiskey. She looked around to see the people dancing. At least no one was staring at them, the music was too loud for them to be heard by anyone on the dance floor and they were the only ones at the bar.

"Why won't you marry me, Elena?" Dylan begged for an answer and his face and the sorrow in his voice broke her heart but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't fool him.

"Because," her voice was like a whisper and she cleared her throat before talking again, "I don't know how to say it," she broke down and started to cry out loud. "Damn it!" she cursed and inwardly chastised herself for being such a coward. "Because I just got a job and I want to finish my book and I want to have a future as a writer and marriage wasn't even in my mind, not even moving in with you. I was good with things being simple" she spoke as fast as she could, otherwise she wouldn't get through it without crying.

"God, Elena! You really are dumping me because your job is more important that marrying me?" Dylan said and she could notice the shock in his voice. He probably thought that the girl in front of him wasn't the Elena he knew, because she surely didn't act like herself.

"No, I'm not dumping you. I'm just asking to wait a few more years. We're young, we don't have to hurry," she tried to explain. She was very young. She couldn't get married at only 22. He was just three years older. Their lives as a married couple didn't have to start here.

He let out a muffled laugh before speaking again, "You are so screwed up, Elena. You don't even know what you want from life. I'm not going to wait for you a few years, so you can come to me and say that you're sorry when your book isn't successful," he spoke in a sarcastic tone. "No, forget it. We're done," he said and turned around to leave.

"Dylan! Please, don't go!" she went after him and grabbed his hand.

"Stay away from me Elena. I don't want to ever see you again. Go home and write your book and in twenty years you'll still be alone with your books because nobody will ever want you," he withdrew his hand and walked away from her, leaving the bar.

Elena watched him leave and she slowly turned around, walking to Caroline who was sitting there, on a stool, trying to process what just happened.

"It's over Caroline. He dumped me," Elena leaned her body into her friend's embrace and a new wave of tears pooled in her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie," Caroline tried to soothe her, her hand running up and down Elena's back.

"It's my fault. I should've said yes. I broke his heart, Caroline," she cried out, her words muffled by Caroline's shirt.

"He'll be fine. You did what was right. You didn't want to marry him and you told him. It's fine. Come on, we should get you home," she said and stepped away to grab their bags.

"I can get her home," Damon offered and he threw Elena an apologetic look, nodding slightly.

"So you can have something to laugh at. No thanks," Caroline bit out and started walking outside the bar and into the cool air of the night.

"Oh come on, Blondie, I'm not a total monster," Damon protested and followed them outside, leaving Stefan behind to pay for their drinks.

"It's okay," Elena mumbled and looked over to Caroline. "You and Stefan go home. Damon can take me home. If he wants to, of course," her glance wandered up to Damon and he only nodded.

"But-" Caroline tried to protest but then Stefan came next to her and put an arm around her waist.

"She's going to be fine, baby. Just call us if you need something, Elena. Anything," he offered and smiled kindly before dragging Caroline to a cab.

"Goodnight, sweetie," Caroline whispered as she tried to keep up with Stefan, leaving her best friend and her boyfriend's brother behind.

"Thank you for offering to take me home, Damon. She would've come with me and sometimes she just talks too much. I wasn't in the mood for a Caroline Inquisition," Elena thanked him and wiped away some tears.

"I know. That's the Blondie effect," he tried to joke but he only succeeded in making her grimace.

They walked to a car and climbed inside. Damon told the driver the destination and his eyes fell on Elena as her hands were lying in her lap, her fingers fidgeting nervously.

Neither of them said anything as they sat in the backseat of the cab. At an intersection, Elena let her head lean on Damon's shoulder. For a moment, she thought he would retract his arm but instead, he pulled her closer so she leaned against his chest, feeling his warmth and hearing his heartbeat.

All the way to her house she sobbed into Damon's shirt until she finally fell asleep, too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

"Elena," Damon whispered, "Elena, wake up," he gently squeezed her arm, trying to wake her up.

She made a lazy attempt to get up but gave up and put all her weight on Damon, groaning when he squeezed her arm. She could hear voices around her and she knew that Damon had just paid the cabbie and now he was trying to get out of the car.

After finally releasing himself from her, he slowly stepped outside and straightened his shoulders before leaning back down and gently pulling Elena into his arms. Her arms slowly settled around his neck as he walked up to her house. Damon stopped in front of the door and knocked once, waiting for someone to open.

A minute later, Jenna was standing in the doorway, eyes wide open, staring at her niece and the man who was carrying her. She seemed to be in shock at the sight of her niece being brought home in a stranger's arms.

"Oh my god, Elena!" Jenna started to cry and stared at the two of them blankly until Damon cleared his throat and motioned for her to move. Jenna nodded shortly and with a shaky voice told him to follow her and she moved to the stairs, walking as fast as her legs allowed her.

She opened Elena's door for him and turned on the lights. Damon stepped inside her room, glancing around the empty space. All her things were packed and the room looked like it was one from a new house. He walked over to the bed and laid her on the soft mattress, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He stole one last glance at her and exited her room, now facing her aunt who was sobbing, her hand covering her eyes.

"Where did you find her?" Jenna asked and Damon frowned, shaking his head.

"No, she wasn't blacked out somewhere. We were together at the bar. With Caroline and Stefan," he explained and watched how a layer of worry left Jenna's face. "She's gonna be fine."

"What happened?" Jenna requested but Damon just shrugged his shoulders.

"You'll have to ask Elena. She's the one who can tell you," he simply pointed out before turning around to leave.

"Thank you..." she mumbled, a question mark on her face.

"Damon," he nodded shortly and stepped outside, leaving Jenna alone with her thoughts and a broken Elena in her room.

The petite woman wiped her tears and slowly walked upstairs, opening the door to Elena's room and stepping inside. The sight of her niece laying on the bed, her face stained with tears and mascara made her want to run away and live her own life, with no teenagers and young adults in her life, with no dead sister. But she couldn't do that. She had to be there for them until the very end, until they didn't need her anymore. It was her duty and she was happy to help them, but sometimes it was broke her heart to see what a wreck they were.

The thought of Elena trying to harm herself never left her mind that night as she lay next to the girl, watching how, in her sleep, she softly sobbed from time-to-time. She wanted to take her pain away, it was the only thing she had wanted in the last 5 years but she was incapable of helping her more than she already did.

The morning sun broke in the room and Elena groaned when she was woken up by the light and the noise of a plane taking off. She straightened her shoulders and leaned against the bed frame, trying to remember what happened. And then it was clear like it was last night all over again. She had left home and met her friends, they went to the bar, had a couple of drinks. She found out that Damon was Stefan's brother and that, in fact, he could be a jerk. And then Dylan came and proposed to her. She remembered exactly how she turned him down, breaking his heart and destroying her last chance at happiness with a good guy who wanted her for her heart and not only for her body.

Her eyes snapped to the other side of the bed to see her aunt's arm stretched on the bed and a frown on her face as she slept. She couldn't remember what happened after she left the bar with Damon though. She must've fallen asleep as soon as she got home and Jenna checked on her.

She got out of bed and walked into the bathroom, starting to fill the bathtub and poured some bath oil in the warm water. She slipped off the navy dress she wore last night and let her bra and panties fall to the floor as well. Lazily, she slipped in the bathtub and let out a heavy sigh once she fully succumbed to the sensation.

Her eyes slowly closed as she brushed her skin, stopping at the crook of her neck where she could feel a node in her throat, threatening to make her cry at any moment then moving further to her chest and stomach, rubbing the soft skin. She repeated the steps multiple times until she felt it was the time to get out.

When she re-entered her room, Jenna was sitting in the middle of the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes following Elena as she moved across the room.

"Good morning," Elena mumbled and pulled a tiny smile while she was tying the belt of her bathrobe.

"What happened last night?" Jenna asked, not bothering to respond back.

"What do you mean what happened?" Elena narrowed her eyes, pretending she doesn't understand what her aunt was talking about but that only made Jenna get mad.

"Don't. Don't try to treat me like a fool, Elena. A guy named Damon carried you to you bedroom last night because you were passed out. And you looked like crap; tears and mascara stained. So you better tell me what the hell happened before I call Caroline and she will gladly tell me everything," Jenna snapped, from time-to-time gesticulating.

"No!" Elena's eyes opened wide when she heard Caroline's name. That girl was insane, she would tell her everything. If someone had to tell Jenna what happened, Elena wanted to do it because it was her fault in the first place. She wasn't going to be soft with herself. No, she was going to accept that she had been a first class jackass.

"I broke up with Dylan," she breathed out.

"What? Why?" Jenna asked, a confused expression on her face. Of course she couldn't imagine why she broke up with such a good guy. No one would ever understand. But she just couldn't trick him, marry him and then not be devoted to their marriage.

"He proposed last night. I said no," Elena shrugged her shoulders like it wasn't a big deal, but actually it was and she already made a big fuss about it last night when she had cried her eyes out.

"Are you insane? How could you say no to that amazing guy?" Jenna's jaw dropped the moment she heard Elena.

"Because right now, the most important thing for me is my career. And I know this sounds crazy but I swear, Jenna, it's the only reason. I don't want to drag him along with me and make him unhappy. He deserves someone who could give him all her time. And that's not me. Not right now," the girl explained, tears threatening to well up in her eyes and the node in her throat was almost choking her.

She looked at her aunt who just nodded her head, the disbelief on her face disappearing immediately. Right now, Jenna must've thought she was insane and didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"God, I know you're all judging me right now. You should've seen Caroline last night. Your face was the same. I didn't want to break his heart, Jenna," she cried out and tears streamed down her face.

"I know, sweetie. I'm not judging you. I understand you," Jenna pulled her into her arms and let her cry on her shoulder.

"He hates me," Elena's muffled voice cried from Jenna's arms.

"He doesn't hate you. He hates the fact that he can't be with you," Jenna explained, trying to make her feel better, but that was impossible, she wouldn't feel better. She would never forgive herself for hurting him like that. She screwed up big time.

Minutes later, she heard heels on the stairs and both she and Jenna rolled her eyes in exasperation. It was clear as the day who it was. There was only one person who would enter her house like that, without knocking, without calling, without anything.

The door to her room opened and in the doorway stood Caroline in all her glory, dressed in black and white with a white purse, like she was going to a funeral. Caroline, who hated black, always wore colorful clothes. Caroline, who was a fashionista, was wearing black because Elena broke up with her boyfriend. That was just insane and Elena wanted to poke her eyes out.

"Elena, sweetie!" she ran and hugged her like she hadn't seen her in ages.

"Hi, Care," she returned the hug but looked at Jenna who was exasperatedly pointing to the door before she ran from the room.

"What happened? Why did you turn down Dylan?" Caroline prodded and Elena rolled her eyes, but didn't get to respond because Bonnie burst into the room and sat on the bed.

"Elena. Hi. Caroline messaged me to come here. She said it was urgent," Bonnie shrugged her shoulders.

"Of course she did," Elena threw her a lopsided smile but didn't say anything else. "I'll tell you everything. So, I had a nice time with Caroline, Stefan and Damon last night and-"

"Wait, who's Damon?" Bonnie asked, interrupting her.

"That asshole brother of Stefan," Caroline responded before Elena could, rolling her eyes.

"He's not an asshole," Elena defended him and looked over to Bonnie who seemed confused. "He's not," she smiled.

"Why are you defending him, Elena? You don't even know him," Caroline snapped and frowned at her friend.

"I do know him and he's not an ass. Whatever. Let me tell you now or I won't tell you anymore" she sighed.

"So, then, Dylan comes to the bar and..." Elena began.

With Caroline's interventions every five seconds, she finally managed to finish and at the end, her face was red from all the tears and the girls were tangled together, trying to comfort Elena and tell her it was all going to be fine. But she knew it wasn't going to be fine. It wasn't going to be fine until she got Dylan to forgive her and be happy again.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry. It's going to be fine, you're going to find someone else, someone who will understand you. Like Stefan understands that I'm a control freak and a workaholic too," Caroline smiled between the tears she was now shedding.

"I don't want someone else. No one will be like him. I want to be alone," Elena wiped away the tears and took a big breath.

"But you said that about Matt and Tyler too and you always found someone else," Bonnie interfered.

"It was different with them. Matt was my first real boyfriend. But even with him, it didn't feel right, like it felt with Dylan. We loved each other, yes and I still love Matt, you guys know that. He was the kind of boyfriend you date because you owe it to yourself. We've been friends forever and it was logical that at some point we were going to date. And Tyler...he was just a high school fad. I was a stupid girl back then and I didn't know what love was. Hell, I don't even think that I know now. If I knew, I would've accepted Dylan's proposal, because that's what love is, love above all, right?" Elena asked but she nodded her head, agreeing with her own words. "From now on, I'll work my ass off and have fun, because that's what life's about, right? Work and fun!" she wondered, looking to each of her friends, searching for approval.

"Yes, that's totally right," both girls said and smiled before hugging their friend again, happy that they managed to make her feel a bit better.

"So, what's going on between you and Damon?" Caroline asked and looked at her like she knew she was hiding something. She was Caroline, she always knew things. But she would never get that secret out of Elena.

"Nothing's going on. Why?" Elena shrugged indifferently.

"Hm..How do you even know him?" the blonde wanted to know everything and if someone didn't tell her all she wanted to know she was pissed off. And no one loved a pissed off Caroline.

"I just know him, god, Care! You ask so many questions. I don't even remember where I met him, I just did," she nervously laughed, trying to hide the obvious facts.

"That's not true. You're giddy. Tell me, tell us," she pointed to herself and to Bonnie who was quietly listening to them, probably thinking that her two best friends were freaks.

"You are worse than the Spanish Inquisition. I met him a while ago. Why does this matter anyway?"

"He's still an asshole," Caroline gave up, shrugging her shoulders while Elena rolled her eyes.

"You don't know him well enough to judge," Elena frowned, suggesting that the blonde couldn't be so sure on what she was saying about the man who saved her.

"Oh, trust me, Elena, I know a bunch about him. If you knew, you'd run," she said, making Elena question Damon again.

"Elena!" a voice screamed from downstairs. "You should come here. Immediately!"

The girls jumped off the bed and ran out of the room, walking down the stairs as fast as they could, their faces pale and filled with shock as they saw what was happening downstairs.

AN: What could've possibly happened downstaires? It's another cliffhanger, I think I'm obsessed with those. Just stay tuned and you'll find out!