She takes a deep breath and lets the air flow out of her mouth slowly, trying to bring her mind to a quiet rest, to keep her thoughts still and silent if only for a moment. Bringing her concentration to her breathing pattern, Mikasa finally realizes just how disordered and frenzied her head really is, finding herself incapable of doing what Levi is asking her to do.
They have been training every day for weeks now, but up until then it had only been combat exercises. She had been surprised when the Corporal had told her today that they were going to do something a little less physical. The thought at first had not worried her; she often contemplated and reflected upon the world around her silently, but what Levi was asking was a different kind of contemplation, a different kind of silence. For the first time in her life, Mikasa realized just how terrifying it was to be mindful of the world around her, but most of all, of herself.
The young girl opens her eyes and lets her sight settle on the man in front of her. His eyes are still closed and he is sitting in the same position as her, legs crossed, his hands resting softly on his knees. He is wearing his usual training clothes, his tank top showing slender yet muscular shoulders. The light of the rising sun gently falls on his face perfectly framed by his dark black hair. His expression, much to Mikasa's amazement, is perfectly calm and peaceful, and notices that it is in fact his whole body that is in that state. Where there usually is the strain of tension in every muscle of his body, now stands something that seems to be an unperturbed sense of tranquility. His jaw, usually clenched and hollowing his cheeks, is relaxed; making his thin lips part slightly. His breathing is deep and slow, his chest rising and falling to a gentle, soundless rhythm. She finds herself quietly enjoying the sight of a man who usually seems to be so relentlessly and irately indifferent. Without even being conscious of it, her breathing starts to slow down to match his.
"Must be one hell of a view for you to be so absorbed by it."
Levi's sarcastic voice snaps her out of her musing. Her body suddenly stiffens and her back straightens out, embarrassed, her chin rising to meet his un-amused scowl.
"Enjoying yourself, Ackerman?" he continues, his eyes locked into hers disapprovingly.
His face has lost every ounce of peacefulness it had held a few seconds ago. Strain has taken over once again. She crosses her arms and curses, turning her head to the side, irritated by his mockery, but also by her own incapability.
"You're wasting my time," she says, refusing to look back at the corporal, "I don't see the point of this."
The man studies her for a moment, his eyes like daggers.
"Very well," he finally says, bitterness marking every one of his words, "Leave then. I wouldn't want to waste your precious, little time."
Mikasa turns her glower back at him, a frown settling on her face. In a heated fit, she stands up in haste and marches towards the exit of the Dojo. But before she has time to open the door, Levi's voice makes its way to her ears.
"But don't ever pretend to even aspire to be the best out there."
His contempt abruptly stops her leave, having the desired effect on her. She is starting to know his tricks that get a reaction out of her, just as much as he knows exactly what to say to make her blood boil. She turns around, her temper flaring despite it all.
"This is bullshit!" she cries out, slashing the air with her hand, "You don't even give me any explanations! How am I supposed to-"
"Don't blame me for your failure, Ackerman." Levi interrupts her, pushing himself off the ground steadily back onto his feet.
But she has already had enough of him and in a split of a second she is standing right before him, his face an inch away from hers.
"My failure?" she snarls, furious, "You don't teach someone to swim by throwing them head first into the water."
"How sensitive of you." the man replies instantly, his eyes still fixed on Mikasa's. She surpasses him in height, but he doesn't budge even when she sees her take another step closer to him, feeling her frustration emanating from her body. "You want my sympathy?" he continues, undisturbed by her, "You won't get it."
"I don't want anything from you."
"Right. That's why you have been coming here every morning."
Mikasa turns away and shouts in exasperation. She doesn't have the time to take another step that Levi has already grabbed her wrist and brings her back in front of him.
"I'm not done with you," his hand is tight around her arm, "You will never be a great soldier Ackerman, if you don't clear your mind and master your emotions. You can't disconnect it from the rest; you can't put it on hold while you're fighting because it will come and bite you in the ass; you of all people should know that."
Mikasa looks down at Levi, scowling, freeing herself from his grasp with force.
"And if you want someone to learn from you," she answers venomously, "You shouldn't act like a jerk while giving absolutely no directives."
Levi breathes in, his shoulders relaxing a little.
"Fair enough." the young man ponders for a second before looking back at her. As if something had clicked in his mind, he strolls over to one of the windows and slides it open. Turning around towards Mikasa, he gestures her to follow him and jumps through the opening, disappearing in a heartbeat. It takes her a second to decide whether or not she wants to proceed with Levi, but her curiosity gets the better of her. She jolts through the window and runs after him, not knowing where exactly he is leading her.
Levi goes around the Dojo to finally stop at a small closed off garden. When Mikasa finally reaches him, he nods at her and they walk through the green trees, his bare feet drumming smoothly on each paving stone as they make their way to a clearing.
"Sit."
Mikasa executes herself and drops to the grass, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She feels Levi sit down too, his back against hers.
"Clear your mind."
His command is firm yet gentle.
"Bring your consciousness to everything around you; Take a deep breath," they both inhale at the same moment; Mikasa feels Levi's back muscles tense against hers, "And exhale. Listen to the sound of the leaves ruffling against each other as the wind blows through them; the water drops of the pond; the singing of the bird. Feel the breeze on your face; the rays of the sun against your skin; the grass and the earth under your palm."
Mikasa lets out an impatient, jeering sigh, which Levi catches immediately.
"Don't make me regret this, Ackermann."
His face slowly tilts to the side, looking back at the young girl.
"You think this is stupid? You're right, it sounds stupid. But the whole point is to make you aware of everything around you and of yourself. You're an exceptional soldier, Ackerman, but your mind is all over the place. Learn to master it, learn to reveal what's really inside of you and prevent you from making stupid ass decisions like you usually do."
He feels her tense behind his back.
"Be aware of every sensation in your body, of every muscle, of your heartbeat, of your breathing. Bring your mind to them and focus."
"The point is to be proficient in having complete control over that stupid endless chatter in your head, and to shut it up."
"It's not that easy." Mikasa whispers back, frustrated.
"Of course it's not easy, Ackerman" he snaps back, "Now shut your mouth and concentrate."
She takes a deep breath and lets the air flow out of her mouth slowly, trying to bring her mind to a quiet rest, to keep her thoughts still and silent if only for a moment.
She doesn't know how long they stay against each other, their breathing matching one another. But after a long moment of telling herself to settle down, she suddenly becomes aware of how close Levi really is to her. How every muscle in his back strengthens with each breath he takes, how they unwind at every exhale. The only thing she can hear is his slow breath escaping his open mouth. She feels the soft skin of his arm brushing against hers, their hair entangled as their heads rest gently against each other. She feels a blank space caused by the arches of their backs, an emptiness she spontaneously closes.
The world all around her is moving, time is ticking, but in that moment, in that very moment, she feels an odd, unfamiliar sensation creep up in her stomach all the way to her heart, something so heavy and light at the same time, something that shouldn't be here and yet something that she is forced to acknowledge.
Her heartbeat staggers.
The day breaks; she feels the gentle and warm rays of the sun caressing their skin, the wind against their neck, silence quietly settling in her mind.
The day breaks, and everything is new.