AN: Okay, folks, I know that when I updated the last time I said that I cried a lot writing the chapter, but I think I lied. This chapter is the one that is really heartbreaking, so get your tissues ready. It is pure torture, I know that. I never thought that I would do that to Damon and Elena, but trust me when I tell you that's for the best. I know you'll be like: "Is she insane?!" but you'll get it later.

P.S.: Someone told me in a review that it would be great if I'd update within this week because it would be a great present for her birthday. I know I'm a little late but it was an anonymous review so I couldn't send a PM with a wish. Happy Birthday and thank you for reading this story!

Having said all of the above, thank you once again for every alert in the mail and for all of the reviews. You are all amazing. Enjoy this chapter!

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading

Illusions of the sunlight

And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting

Love gone for so long

Elena stepped away from him as she saw him taking a step towards her, for the first time since she knew him, scared of him, of how he was going to react, of what he was going to do to her. He knew.

"What is this?" He asked, his warm eyes now cold as a stone as they made her flesh hurt.

"Damon, I-," she stuttered on her words and then she composed herself. She had to be strong so she wouldn't die from the pain she was going to cause to them both. She had to act like she knew what she was doing, she had to be sure of every move and every word she said. "It's a pregnancy test." She raised an eyebrow, waiting for his next reply.

"I know what this is, Elena, I'm not an idiot. When were you going to tell me that you're pregnant?" He asked, walking towards her as she stepped back. He frowned, as if he didn't know why she was running away from him. She was scared, but she wasn't going to let him see that.

"I wasn't going to tell you." She said, nonchalantly and she watched him flinch. She didn't know how, but if it wasn't for the baby, she wouldn't be able to keep this charade up, with all the love she felt for the man in front of her eyes.

"So you were going to have my baby without me knowing it? How so, Elena?" He smiled amused as she raised her eyebrows, laughing at him.

"No. There's no baby." She shrugged.

"What do you mean, there's no baby? This test is positive. You didn't have the flu. You're pregnant." He smiled as if he was happy about it and the more he acted like this, the more scared she got and the faster her heart beat against her ribcage.

"I was pregnant, Damon." She said as she turned her back on him, walking towards the stairs and into what was their bedroom and pulled out her big suitcase and without hesitating, she started to stuff her things inside, not bothering to arrange them at all. He followed her immediately and pushed the door open, letting it slam against the wall.

"What are you doing, Elena? You're...you're leaving me?" He asked as she continued her packing. She couldn't look at him, hearing him sound that broken and she couldn't stop now, otherwise it would be too late for her and her baby.

"Yes."

"But...what about the baby?" He asked, his voice filled with sorrow and disbelief. In spite of everything, she turned around and looked at him. She almost broke down in tears as she saw a single tear rolling down his cheek and he didn't seem bothered by that.

"There's no baby, Damon. I had an abortion." She said, hoping that he would believe her. And when she finally saw the pain written all over his face, she knew he bought it.

"No. Tell me you didn't." Damon cried out and for a moment, she wanted to tell him that she didn't, that their baby was safe and that she was staying, but she knew that this was just temporarily. He would regret it later, and he would be awful to her and their baby. She couldn't destroy her life and most of all, she couldn't destroy the life of her unborn child.

"I did."

"You killed our baby?!" He yelled at her and she couldn't believe he was actually doing this, with her.

"You killed your own baby before! So don't make this all about me, because you would've made me have an abortion like you did with Katherine, anyway." She snapped at him in return and stopped when she saw him shaking his head, like he couldn't believe what she was telling him; like that wasn't his story, but someone else's.

"It wasn't the same with Katherine." He said.

"Of course it wasn't. You were actually ready to marry her and you still didn't want her child. Why would you want mine? I'm just a distraction in your life, someone you use for fun." She laughed sarcastically as she found it to be the best way to not burst into crying. "I'm nothing compared to her. So yeah, I think it was best that I finished it before you could."

"You are the woman I love! You are the only woman I've ever considered having a child with, Elena!" He screamed and she couldn't take it anymore, to stand in front of him. She walked into the bathroom and tried to grab all her products, as soon as possible. "Hear me out!" He called after her and the next moment, she came out of the en suite and threw the products next to the rest of her things. For the first time, she heard him say that he loved her, and it was only when she was leaving him. How did she end up here? How did her life turn into such a mess in such a short time?

"And you've destroyed the chance of us having a family, just because you didn't think I was ready to be a father?" Now he was making it all about her. He had told her, loud and clear, that he didn't want to be a parent, and now he was flipping the coin, like this was a simple game of cards, when it was actually her baby's life at stake.

"Get out." He whispered and she just finished closing up her suitcase when she heard him and turned to face him, with her face full of tears after his declaration. It was already too late for them, what harm could a few more tears do?

"What?" She asked, in disbelief, her voice almost broke.

"I said get out of my house. Get out of my house and get the fuck out of my life! I don't want to see you ever again in my life. You can go to hell, Elena!" He yelled as he grabbed her luggage and started to walk towards the stairs, not responding to her pleas.

"Damon, please, stop. You're scaring me." She pleaded with him and followed him downstairs, stopping in the living room.

"I am scaring you? Good. You needed a reason to leave me, right? Well, I'm fucking giving you one now! Go ahead, repeat the past. Be Katherine! You know what? You're even worse than her." He spat through gritted teeth.

"Damon, please, don't say that, you're going to regret it later." She said and when he didn't say anything else, she felt her body weaken and she fell on her knees in front of him.

"You're worse than her, Elena." He repeated, like she hadn't heard him before. "I made her have the abortion then. But you, you did it yourself, without blinking, and you weren't even going to tell me. How the hell did I end up here twice? What did I do for everybody to leave me?" He whispered, as if he didn't want her to hear him. She looked up at him from the same position she was in; she was kneeling in front of him and he wasn't even looking at her anymore. He probably didn't think she was worth his time, and he was right if he believed that. She was a disgusting human being, she knew it. She raised her hand towards his and instinctively clasped it, trying to soothe him and understand him, but she couldn't, not when she was the one causing him pain.

"Please, don't do this." She pleaded with him, and her words were like the cue he needed to snap out of the trance he was in, and looking down at her, he retracted his hand from hers and stepped back, like she'd burnt him.

"Don't do what, Elena? Throw you out of my house? Out of my life?" He spoke and his voice only made it worse, now that tears started to flow once more on her swollen cheeks. She knew that this was the end of them, of whatever they had and she didn't want to end it like this, with him hating her, but somehow, maybe it was best. At least the hate would remind him that she was there for a while.

"Don't end it like this. Don't hate me." She whispered.

"Hate you? I think that's the problem, that I can't hate you, not even now after you've told me that you've killed my only chance at happiness. The problem is that I love you and I don't want to." His words cut through her flesh and directly to her heart; she prayed days and nights for him to love her, for them to be able to have a love that would last forever, and when he was finally declaring his love for her, she was putting an end to it. And just because she wanted to keep a part of him forever, with her. Was it that bad to want her baby? Was it a sin to leave the only man she has truly loved just to have his child? Because if it was, then fine, be it on her, but she couldn't kill her baby, not when it was his as well.

"And I love you too, but I need to leave. I can't stay anymore, not after this. I don't think I'll be able to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning, look at you, kiss you, make love to you and to know that I killed our baby because you didn't want it. This is not who I am, Damon!" She cried out, pain splattered all over her face, but she didn't care that he could see right through her soul. She only cared about protecting the only thing more important than her soul; her baby.

"You didn't give me a chance to want it!" He snapped at her, like she didn't understand what he was saying. And honestly, she didn't, or so she wanted to believe, because she just couldn't live with herself knowing that he wanted his baby and she was taking it away from him.

"Don't pretend like you wanted it. Like you would've loved it!" She cried distraughtly.

"I would've loved it just because it was ours. But no, you had to take it away. I never thought you were capable of murdering your own baby, Elena. I never thought you were Katherine." He bit out, his jaw clenching with anger.

"I am not Katherine!" She raised her voice as she tried to get on her feet again. When she finally did, he grabbed her arm angrily and pushed her towards the door.

"Damon, please, you're hurting me, let go of me!"

"Get out, Elena! Go away, before I do something I will regret all my life. Go screw your life up further, but don't do it near me. Get the hell away from my life and from everything related to me. I don't want to hear from you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you exist. All I want is to forget that I've ever met you and to go on with my life as if you never existed."

The words felt like a knife pushed right into her heart and she couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, because all she saw was the pain that she's caused him and to know that she had hurt the only man that has ever loved her for who she was, it was to painful to hear and to watch. That was why she didn't say anything else or do something as he painfully pushed her by her shoulders out of his apartment and out of his life forever. He pushed her into the big hallway, together with her suitcase, slamming the door closed behind her, never addressing another word to her again.

She deserved it, every painful word he had said to her, every hateful look, every angry gesture he did to her. She couldn't complain; she made her bed and now she was laying on it. Elena sobbed uncontrollably as she felt her legs betraying her, as if they didn't want to let go, as if she should stay there, close to him, even if a big, cold door separated them. So she leaned against the door, her back pressed tightly against it, as her chest moved, following her cries of pain.

She had no idea that the day was going to go like that, with her destroying everything she cared about, with Damon losing her and their baby, with her having to tell him that she was leaving him after she has gotten rid of their baby. No, she didn't see anything like that coming her way. She just thought that after finding out that she was pregnant, she would go home, make love to Damon, be reminded that she loved him above everything else and that their baby didn't matter as long as she had him.

Elena had no idea how long she had been staying there, trying to listen to what was going on in his apartment, but she didn't hear anything for a while. After a few minutes, or even hours, she didn't know when, she heard something breaking against the floor and her eyes snapped open wide as she tried to push the door open, but failed. Her knuckles raped against the door as she tried to get inside, to see what was going on with Damon.

"Damon, let me in, please. What are you doing?" She prayed he would answer, because she was seriously beginning to worry as more and more things were shattering against the floor in the living room. It seemed like he didn't hear her, because he didn't respond, though she knew that he could clearly hear her.

How did she end up here? Elena Gilbert, the sweet teenager, the meanest girl in high school, the shallow, selfish brat who expected to have everything from everyone, the girl with a bag of dreams to follow, the child who turned into a woman the moment she's lost her parents, at the age of 16. How did she end up here? A woman at 23 years old, with a baby on the way and with no one by her side? The father of her baby wasn't there for her anymore and she wondered if he would ever be, or if she would ever have the nerves to tell him the truth. No, probably not. She would leave New York and she wouldn't see him again. She would have her baby alone, raise it alone and when the moment comes, she would tell it that it's father is no longer with them. Would her baby ever forgive her for leaving Damon? Would she be a good mother? Would she be able to give up on everything, on her dreams, for the sake of her unborn child?

Her heart was already dead and beyond repair. A few more tears didn't matter anymore. A few more words on the paper, a few more pages written, a few more chapters till she ended her book didn't make sense to her anymore, as she had just lost the reason behind her happiness, her inspiration. Money meant nothing to her right now, dreams were shattered in the back of her heart, and her brain was barely registering what was happening to the body and the dead organ in her ribcage.

Finally, there was quiet for Elena. Her brain stopped working and her heart stopped beating frantically, as well as her sobs settled, even if in her sleep, she let out some muffled ones. Her eyelids slowly battered up and down, her eyelashes gently touching her cheeks smeared with dried tears and an almost invisible path of mascara. She rubbed her eyes as she tried to recall last night's events. But how could she ever forget? How could she move past them, as these were the moments that literally defined her life? She'd always known that people had to make choices in life; some were for their happiness, some for financial gain, others for the sake of others. But her choice was shattering, because it was for her baby's sake and it broke her completely, as well as it broke the father of her child. Choices were a stupid thing to make, choices shouldn't be made. Not when they can break a person apart forever, with no redemption left.

Her eyes frantically searched around, for some clues on whether she was in the same place as last night and turning her glance behind her, she figured that indeed, she fell asleep leaned against the door of the place which, until last night, she called home. Her suitcase was next to her, the material proof that everything that happened was true, that her future wasn't like she pictured it anymore. She had to plan another one, one that will include her baby, one that will be just her baby. Yes, her future was her baby and she couldn't do anything about that, but embrace it and be happy that she was going to be a mom. The mother of the child of the only man she would ever love, even if she wouldn't receive the same love back.

With her legs numb from the position she's been in all night, Elena slowly straightened her body and groaned as it hurt her muscles, trying to get on her feet. When she finally did so, she grabbed her purse and looked inside, finding the little onesie and the shoes she bought for her baby the other day. Trying to find the only thing she needed to let go now to end this all, she moved her hands frantically inside her purse. Finding what she looked for, she grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and scribbled a few words on it and left it under the rug at the door, together with the last piece to remind her of the home they shared.

Elena started to walk slowly to the elevator and she didn't find it weird that no one was inside. It was too early in the morning, or so it seemed to her, as she didn't even check her phone to see what time it was. And after all, it was a Sunday morning. She entered the elevator and rode it down, never bothering to take a look at her phone and see if she had any missed calls. There wasn't anyone she was interested to talk to anyway. As she got downstairs, she dragged her suitcase behind her and she couldn't not notice and feel the receptionist's eyes on her as she moved outside the big building, not bothering to greet the girl from the front desk. Why bother in talking to people she wasn't going to see again?

As she stepped outside, she was soon welcomed by a strange feeling of quietness filling the city, as if it didn't feel like home anymore. And sure enough, New York wasn't her home anymore, like Mystic Falls wasn't. These were the two places she has suffered the most in, and she wasn't going to come back. What for? Relive memories of the past, be reminded of what she had, and what she lost? It would only torture herself, and she couldn't do that anymore, not when a life depended on her. She had to grow up more than she had already done, she had to understand once and for all that what she wanted didn't matter anymore, that she had to put her baby's sake above hers.

Elena got into the first cab she found and waited until the cabbie put her luggage into the trunk. Then, she instructed him to her little apartment in Brooklyn, and stared out the window. As her cab was moving from point A to point B, Elena kept looking at the big buildings that she was sure she would never see again; at least not in this life. Her New York dream was over and once with it, a new dream arose in her; being able to give her baby the life he or she deserved.

She didn't notice when the car stopped in front of the building, but next thing she knew was that she was climbing out the cab and grabbing the luggage from the driver, who looked at her like she was on drugs or sleep-walking. Truth be told, she wished she was as high as a kite, so all these situations, the baby, her leaving Damon, weren't real, but they were, and she couldn't do anything about it.

Feeling more exhausted than she's ever been, she walked into the building, carrying the huge suitcase behind her as she forced her legs to move forward. Not even bothering to check the mail box, she made her way to her apartment, and opened the door wide, as if she were checking it out for the first time, when she was actually returning there with a bitter taste in her mouth, just to leave it the same day and never come back.

Leaving the suitcase at the door, she went into her bedroom and looking into the closet, she found some towels and some spare clothes she planned to use later. She walked into the bathroom and getting rid of her dirty clothes, she stepped into the shower and turned on the water and the next moment she shivered as she was hit by the cold jet of water; of course, how could she forget? She gave up on all her utilities so she didn't have to pay for maintenance as she wasn't living there anymore. Well, a cold shower would have to do. Not bothering to look around, she grabbed one regular soap and started to rub it all over her skin, trying to rush the process as she was getting colder with every passing second.

And as she stood there, in the shower, freezing, the switch in her head flipped. Where was she going to go? She had enough money to live decently for a while, yes, because she had been getting a good amount of money from the Salvatore Co., but still, there were going to be a lot of bills to pay from now on; doctor appointments, baby scans, baby clothes and all the other things necessary. And she didn't even know where she was going to go. She just knew that she had to get away from New York, before something, or someone could make her change her mind, in spite of the unborn baby she was carrying.

Just as Elena walked out of the shower and put a towel around her body, a knock on the door made her quicken her steps. She opened the door and her blonde friend, with Bonnie, rushed through the door and inside her apartment, jumping on the couch and looking shocked and surprised. They probably found out about what she did to Damon.

"Elena, thank God you're here. I've been looking for you all night." Caroline breathed out. Now that she took a better glance at her friend, Elena noticed the dark circles under her beautiful blue-green eyes. Caroline never gave up her beauty sleep, not for all the tea in China, and yet, she hadn't put eyelid on eyelid because she has been looking for her. And she, as the selfish person she was, didn't even bother to make a phone call to let her know that she was fine, that there was no need to worry.

"Where have you been, Elena? Haven't you heard of a phone before?" Caroline talked again and finally piqued her attention and she slowly sunk into the armchair opposite her friends.

"I-I'm so sorry, Care. I never thought about it." She said in a whispering tone and hoped that her friend wouldn't be too mad at her.

"You didn't think that I'd be worried sick, Elena?" This time, Caroline's voice raised a few octaves and now she knew for sure that she was mad. Mad for making her so worried.

"I-Care-I-" Elena stuttered on her words, but just as she was trying to make sense, Bonnie interfered in her favor.

"Caroline, you're making it worse. Let her explain." The brunette said in her usual calm tone. Caroline let out a tired sigh and then she nodded.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, I really am. I guess that, after everything that happened last night, I fell asleep at Damon's door." She confessed, ashamed that her friends had to find out like this.

"Damn it, Elena! Stefan has gone to Damon's apartment. He didn't answer his phone either and he was worried sick about him. What did you do?" Caroline asked, brushing a hand through her tousled hair. Elena has never seen her friend like this, and knowing she caused all this disaster made her feel worse.

"I told him everything. I told him what I've done." This was it. The first time Elena was going to lie to her friends, to her family, to everyone.

"What do you mean? What have you done?" The two friends looked at her, waiting for the shocking news as she stared at the wall opposite her, not daring to face them.

"I had an abortion."

AN: I know, I knooooow! You're about to kill me and I can't even blame you. Send me reviews to let me know what you think of this chapter and be honest, even if you hated it.

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