WARNINGS:

There is mentions of sexual situations in this chapter.

No actual sex, though.

I know, you're disappointed, aren't you?

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Chapter : 11

Castiel was asleep on his feet, his eyes firmly closed and his chin resting in his palm. If it wasn't for the small bell over the door of May's Groceries, he would have slept on through the entrance of everyone who happened to blow through as the night dragged on. Taking the late night shift of Christmas Eve was something no one in their right mind wanted to do, which explained why it was Castiel was dozing off behind the check-out counter rather than the usual night-clerk.

The teenager didn't mind having a few extra bucks in his pocket, and Christmas was a holiday he had been spending alone in bed for the past four years, a bag of sweet-tart candy-canes within reach and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer playing over and over until he could recite every word of the film. After some debate, Castiel had decided that giving up his lonely Rudolph marathon for some spending money wasn't a terrible idea; plus, if he was careful, he could sneak a candy-cane or two in between customers.

The bell over the door made its noisy announcement and Castiel stood, rubbing at his tired eyes and stifling a yawn as a rowdy group of teenagers moved into the store and headed straight for the aisle loaded with candy and last minute stuffed-gifts. It was interesting, watching people scramble to buy stocking-stuffers and last minutes presents; procrastinators desperately trying to top off their last-minute piles.

Castiel was far from a last minute shopper himself; all of his gifts were bought and wrapped at least three days before Christmas Eve. He'd put presents for his siblings in the mail two days ago; Anna would receive a nice blouse and tights to match, whereas Gabriel had a box of candy and a new Zippo lighter headed his way. Though his mother hardly acknowledged his presence, he'd also tucked a small gift under the tree for her. Sam and Dean also had gifts, which were tucked away in Castiel's employee locker right now; he planned to make a quick stop by the Winchester house-hold after his shift.

Merely thinking about Dean had Castiel's stomach flipping in happy and sad knots; the older boy had promised him a special gift for the holidays, and no matter how much he was pestered he simply wouldn't give up his secret. On the other hand, it had been almost a week since they'd seen each other; the winter holiday provided quite a problem as far as getting together went.

Since his trip to the hospital, Dean had been rather fast to heal; it took him a week to get over the pneumonia, and another week for all his bruises to fade, and his injured ankle was healing incredibly well. Actually, if he wasn't moving around too much, he was allowed to take the boot off.

Fast to heal didn't mean that his mood was pleasant, though; he had actually been quite grouchy, snapping at anyone who tried to help him around the house or offered to do something for him. For the most part he had avoided school, spending his days hobbling around in the garage working on a '69 Mustang that he'd bought off a neighbor down the road. The last Castiel had seen of it two weeks ago, the car was rusted with age and the engine was beyond repair, but Dean was determined to have it in working condition as soon as possible. Why he even bothered, Castiel would never understand.

"You have your license, right?" Castiel jumped, turning to find Sam standing less than three feet away; the boy was wearing nothing besides his usual plaid button up and a light jacket, his cheeks slightly flushed from cold.

"Hello to you too," Castiel greeted.

"Driver license," Sam repeated impatiently. "Do you have one?"

"Of course I do, but I don't see how that matters right now," Castiel frowned, smoothing the creases in his work apron and wincing as he heard one of the teenagers in the aisle curse and a crash follow; whatever they'd broken, he would have to clean.

"Good," Sam nodded, seemingly pleased, and walked over the coat rack near the door; he pulled Castiel's coat off the lowest peg and carried it back to the older boy, holding it out expectantly.

"Sam- what's going on? I can't just leave work," Castiel frowned.

"I've got your shift covered. I worked it out with your boss yesterday," The freshman thrust the coat at him, and Castiel took it with a shocked stare.

"Sam, you don't even work here." Castiel insisted as the younger boy hurried Castiel into his coat, and Castiel obliged him; he slipped his work apron off and laid it near the register, sliding into the familiar coat and buttoning it to keep out the cold.

"I do tonight," Sam argued, grabbing the apron and slipping it on over his head. "Dean's waiting for you in the back parking lot,"

Castiel perked up at the idea of seeing his boyfriend for the first time in a little over a week, no longer concerned about his shift as he almost ran towards the back door before he remembered something. Skidding to a halt, he ducked into the employee break room and grabbed the gifts he'd tucked into his locker.

"Sam," He called, and the younger boy shot his arms out in just enough time to catch his present – an empty leather journal hidden under the wrapping – as it sailed through the air. "Merry Christmas!"

"Same to you," Sam grinned, staring at the present with a fond expression as Castiel ducked outside and tucked Dean's small gift safely in the pocket of his coat.

Looking around, it took Castiel a moment to spot Dean where the older boy was leaning against the hood of the Impala with his usual abundance of cool. The collar of his jacket was turned up against the wind, the black fabric of Castiel's scarf wrapped around his neck. He smiled when he saw Castiel and stood up straight, pushing off the Impala and taking a few steps forward; Castiel was the first to close the gap, though, his arms falling into their natural place around the older boy's neck and his lips slotting against Dean's.

Dean kissed him back with equal enthusiasm, a curve in his lips against Castiel's and a barely noticeable indent at the left corner of his mouth- Castiel had kissed Dean through enough smiles in their three month relationship to know when one was there. Pulling away after a long moment, Castiel found he was right in assuming that Dean was smiling. The older boy looked positively overjoyed to be standing in the snow with Castiel's slim body pressed against his own.

"I missed you," Dean mumbled in a rare moment of openness, ducking his head to steal another kiss. Castiel smiled as he kissed back, playing with the soft hairs at the nape of Dean's neck as he drew away to study the older man's face.

"It's only been a week," Castiel tried to reason but Dean shook his head, flecks of gold bright in his green irises.

"Too long," Dean insisted, and Castiel chuckled as he nodded his agreement; being away from Dean was like a physical ache. No amount of texting or phone calls could fill the space; whether Dean was away on a family trip, or just needed a week to himself while he was healing up from a hiking accident, Castiel's body craved the older boys touch. It was clear in the white-knuckled grip that Dean had on his jacket that Dean had been craving to touch him as well.

"Then I suppose we'll just have to move in together to avoid being apart," Castiel teased, brushing his thumb over the strong bone of Dean's jaw and reveling in the way the muscles twitched nervously under his touch.

"I wouldn't be opposed to the idea," Dean smiled, his hands slowly dragging up and down Castiel's coat-clad sides.

"I'd make you wait on me hand and foot," Castiel grinned.

"Want me to wear a mini-skirt and heels? I've got nice legs, but you'll have to buy me a duster."

"I'd kick you in my sleep,"

"I don't bruise easy."

"I'd steal the blankets."

"Who needs blankets when I've got you to keep me warm?"

Castiel was the first to give in, laughing as he buried his face in Dean's neck. The older boy's chest rumbled with laughter as well and he squeezed Castiel's body affectionately against his own. They stayed like this until their chuckles died away, leaving them in content silence. Dean swayed silently – the boy could never truly stand still – and Castiel leaned into the soothing motion.

"So, you ready to go?" Dean finally mumbled into Castiel's hair, and the younger boy hummed a questioning sound against the older ones neck.

"We're going on a drive," Dean explained, kissing gently along Castiel's hairline. "So I can give you your present."

"I suppose I'm driving, since Sam asked about my license?" Castiel whispered, pressing the cold tip of his nose to the hollow of Dean's collarbone.

"Medication says not to drive," Dean shrugged. "Not going to risk wrecking my baby just because I've got to take freaking horse tranquilizers for my leg,"

Castiel chuckled- the statement was so very Dean – and nodded as he reluctantly stepped away from his boyfriend and motioned him to go around to the passenger side; Dean did so obediently, climbing into the car and staring expectantly at Castiel through the window. The younger boy slid into the driver's seat and smiled as he pulled the door closed behind himself.

The cab was warm, the heater blowing spasmodic puffs of heated air through the car. Castiel unbuttoned his coat and slid it off, throwing it in back and leaving the scarf his brother had gifted him around his neck. Dean did the same with his heavy leather jacket, saddling himself against Castiel's side. When Castiel gave him a curious look, he simply raised a challenging eyebrow and pressed closer.

Rolling his eyes, Castiel settled an arm around Dean's body and managed to awkwardly grip the wheel with both hands as he pulled out on to the street and followed Dean's soft instructions to turn left and keep going.

The car was pleasantly quiet, the only sound coming from a strange rattling in the heater that Dean quietly attributed to a handful of Lego's he had shoved through the vent as a child. Castiel smiled at the thought of a five year old Dean biting his childish lip as he focused on forcing a handful of colorful blocks through the vents; the eighteen year old tucked against his side would faint before he disrespected the car in such a way.

"So where are we going?" Castiel asked, his chin resting atop Dean's head as the older boy sprawled carelessly across the front seat; half his body was resting in Castiel's lap, his long legs spread across the empty passenger seat.

"Just a little spot I found outside of town," Dean shrugged, wiggling around until his head was lying comfortably in Castiel's lap, leaving Castiel's chest cold and barren and his chin without a prop. "You'll like it,"

"If you're planning on raping me in seclusion, just know that I will tell Sam that you like to cuddle." Castiel murmured teasingly, taking one hand off the wheel to card his fingers through Dean's hair as he stared intently at the snowy road beyond the window.

"I do not like to cuddle," Dean huffed indignantly, glaring up at the strong line of Castiel's throat, unable to see the boys face. "And I'm not going to rape you; it's not rape if you like it,"

"Who says I'd like it?" Castiel shot back with a smirk, discontinuing the argument of cuddling; he had pictures on his new cell phone – he'd finally replaced the one he'd thrown against the wall a month back – of a sleeping Dean Winchester, curled around his body like a baby Koala. If that wasn't proof, nothing was.

"Actually," Castiel glanced down just long enough to see Dean's brow furrow before he looked back towards the road. "I've been meaning to ask you about that."

"What- if I'd enjoy being raped?" Castiel snorted, rolling to a slow stop at an intersection; Dean sat up long enough to direct the younger boy before settling his head back in place against Castiel's thigh.

"I might be a kinky bastard, but I'm not that kinky." Dean snorted before continuing, "I was just curious about something you said to your brother,"

"I've said a lot of things to Gabriel," Castiel shrugged distractedly, squinting as a flurry of snow momentarily altered his view of the road.

"You told him that you'd never beat yourself off," Dean's voice was casually interested, but the blush that raced up Castiel's neck and cheeks gave away his embarrassment. He knew exactly what Dean was referring to; Thanksgiving night, when he'd ordered Dean to hide in the closet while his brother came into the room.

"Yeah, so?" Castiel grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"But you said something else that made me think you had gotten off."

Castiel's cheeks were flaming, his stomach tied in embarrassing knots as he stared out the window.

"I'm sixteen, course I've… y'know," Castiel shrugged weakly, looking anywhere but at Dean as they reached another turn and Dean motioned to turn right.

"You've 'had a date with your right hand' as Gabe put it?" Castiel could hear the smirk in Dean's voice as the older boy picked at the knee of Castiel's jeans.

"I've never masturbated, Dean." Castiel grit out, the clinical term helping just a bit; it made him feel slightly less dirty and uncomfortable with the situation.

"So, then… How have you…"

"I don't see why it matters how I've…" Castiel grumbled, his embarrassment almost a tangible object within the car. He refused to say the words; he had no idea why, but it was tremendously hard to spit out crude slang, or even clinical terms for a regular human function…

"C'mon, Cassie," Dean chuckled, squeezing Castiel's knee gently. "You can't be prude if you're dating a Winchester."

"Dean, you can guess what I mean." Castiel glared down at Dean for a moment before looking back up at the road and rolling to a slow stop when they hit a dead end. He put the car in park and cut the ignition, sitting uncomfortably stiff as Dean pondered his words for a moment.

"So you've never touched yourself, but you have gotten off?" Dean looked up at Castiel for clarification and, blushing all the while, Castiel gave the smallest of nods as he looked out the window. "How'd you manage that?"

"Dean," Castiel sighed in exasperation, looking down at his boyfriend with a pleading expression; don't make me say it out loud.

"I'm going to need an answer before the night is out, Cas."

Castiel blanched, staring down at Dean with wide blue eyes.

"You did bring me out here to rape me!" He accused, scrambling to get Dean's head out of his lap. The older boy laughed, shaking his head as he sat up and brushed a tender hand over his boyfriend's cheek.

"I'm not going to rape you, Cas," Dean promised. "All I wanted to do was park out here and go on a walk,"

"So you don't want to have sex?" Castiel asked cautiously, caught between disappointment and relief.

"You know… You and Sam are both really stupid sometimes as far as nerds go," Dean said, making a face as he grabbed their coats from the backseat. "Of course I want to have sex – I've still got blue balls from Thanksgiving, dude."

"You're crude, Dean." Castiel accused as he shrugged into his coat and Dean did the same beside him.

"Aw, c'mon, Cas." Dean laughed. "Tell me you aren't the least bit pissed that Sam walked in before you could finish undressing me."

"I'm not at all upset that Sam walked in before I could finish undressing you," Castiel replied without hesitation, though there was no conviction in his words at all as he climbed out of the car and Dean followed suit.

"You think I'm sexy," Dean smirked as he limped around to Castiel's side of the car, lacing his fingers with his boyfriend's as the two began walking slowly towards a narrow path leading behind the dead-end sign. The snow crunched noisily under their feet and small flakes of white had already begun to cling to each boy's heads in small crystals.

"I like you better when you're not thinking with your hormones," Castiel rolled his eyes, stepping cautiously around a small puddle of ice and smiling as Dean landed his uninjured foot in the water with a surprised yelp.

"Cas, I've been ignoring my hormones since we started dating," Dean pointed out as he shook the water off his boot with a grouchy expression. "I figure if we're almost four months into this thing, I can at least ask about sex."

"Four months is not that long, Dean," Castiel chuckled, squeezing the older boys hand as they continued further down the path. The snow was falling in small flurries, covering the bushes and trees that lined the path; there were small patches of ground entirely dry, the trees protecting the ground from the frigid flakes of snow.

"Longest relationship I've ever had," Dean grumbled so quietly Castiel almost missed it. When his brain registered the words it brought Castiel up short; he looked over at Dean with absolute disbelief as they walked.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," Dean shrugged, returning his confused look with an arched brow. "Why does that shock you?"

"You're… Well, Dean, you've got girls crawling all over you." Castiel gaped. "Surely you must've dated one of them for a bit longer?"

"My longest relationship before you only lasted a month," Dean admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. The older boy's cheeks darkened and Castiel decided to blame it on the cold; Dean Winchester did not blush. "You're the first person that I thought might be worth sticking with, Cas."

"Why me?" Castiel asked after a span of silence.

"There are plenty of reasons," Dean shrugged, looking anywhere but at Castiel as he spoke. "First and foremost is that Sam likes you; I mean… It's pretty hard to earn that kids trust, but he wouldn't shut up about you after you gave him that first-aid kit on the bus."

Castiel smiled at the memory of the first day he met Sam and Dean- it seemed so far away now, though it hadn't really been that long ago.

"The biggest one, though… It's probably the fact that you don't try to fix me." Dean paused, casting a bashful look at Castiel before he looked down at his boots. "You don't care that I live in a dump, and you don't expect me to think of you over Sammy… You didn't force me to tell you why I had a freaking handgun under my pillow, and you risked getting your ass skinned by your mom because I was too much of a coward to spend the night by myself…"

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand gently as the older boy trailed off, his head down as they walked; it was hard for Dean to show emotion, let alone talk about it- the fact that he was opening up to Castiel was the best Christmas gift that the younger boy could have asked for.

"You're just… You, Cas… And you're worth a hell of lot more than most of the bimbos I've dated… And, I guess… Sex is…. Oh, fuck it," Dean finally let lose an exasperated sigh, raising his head and pulling Castiel to a stop in the middle of the path. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, dragging him into an affectionate embrace and mouthing along his jaw until he found his chin, at which point his mouth moved upwards and his lips found Castiel's.

The kiss was gentle and deep, allowing Dean to speak without having to find the right words; a silent language only he and Castiel could understand. It wasn't as trivial as words- there was no grammar, or spelling, or mistaken definitions; it was a simple slide of mouth against mouth, and the careful whispers of breath caught in between.

Castiel could feel the lust, love, and need within the kiss; he could feel how desperately Dean needed to have these feelings reciprocated, to know that Castiel needed him as much as he needed Castiel. He could also feel in the taut line of Dean's body and the trembling fingers carding through his hair that Dean didn't expect reciprocation, but rather denial.

The thought was shocking, but Castiel realized that his bashful nature throughout the evening had given Dean valid reason to believe that Castiel wouldn't want to have sex with him. The truth was quite the opposite – Castiel had wanted Dean since that day in November.

Slowly, Castiel pried his mouth away from Dean's and ran a gentle thumb over the older boys jaw.

"Sex is the only way you know how to show you care," Castiel raised an eyebrow and Dean blushed furiously, shrugging as he rested his forehead against Castiel's.

"I know it seems stupid, considering I'm pretty much the definition of a man-whore, but,-"

"You are not a man-whore, Dean." Castiel scolded, pressing a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's lips as the two swayed from side to side in their embrace. "You've just… Tricked yourself into believing there's some kind of correlation between sex and love,"

"There is," Dean sighed, his eyes closing as he held Castiel closer. "I've just… To me, sex has always just been… sex."

"Dean, that's not a bad thing. That's how most people think of it," Castiel soothed, raking gentle fingers through the hair at the base of the older boys neck, his fingers ducking beneath the black fabric of Dean's – Castiel's – scarf.

"It is… Because I should have waited for you, Cas. Sam always talks all this shit about waiting for someone you really care about, and… I didn't understand what the hell he was talking about until we almost had sex on Thanksgiving. And I'm freaking terrified that you think I'm just some stupid guy who's slept around, and that sex isn't going to mean anything to me because I've done it so many times…" Dean's face was contorted in pain, and Castiel couldn't stand seeing him so torn up over something as stupidly pointless as sex.

Though he had been taught from a young age that sex was an act between spouses, and that abstinence until marriage was the only way to go, Castiel had a very different view on the matter. As far as he was concerned, sex was an act of the body; it was two people satisfying a physical need, just like eating or drinking. The only way sex could matter is if the two bodies involved were joined at the soul- and as far as Dean had told him, Dean had never felt anything more than a physical attraction towards the woman and men he'd slept with.

"Dean," Castiel said his name gently after a great span of silence in which both boys held their breath, waiting for the other to finish mulling the situation over. Dean's eyes were closed, his expression braced for rejection, and Castiel's decision had been made as he pressed himself closer to the older boy in the snowy weather. "You didn't have to wait for me… I've been waiting for the both of us."

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So... I'm really not confident in this chapter. I just felt like it wasn't good. Don't know why, just... Yeah. What are y'alls thoughts?

Anyways... I just want to warn you; there is not many chapters left in this fic. However, please go ahead and celebrate if you want...

THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL!

Anyways- just general thanks for those of you who have followed this. I really, really, appreciate the support. And to the person who told me this could be the next Twist and Shout if it wanted to be... You literally made my life, you sexy beast.

-CCW