Title: Never Doing This Again

Prompt: Baby-Sitting

Summary: He asked himself a hundred times why he agreed to do this, and he came to one conclusion. Sakura. Yep, this was definitely his wife's fault.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Rating: K+

Sasuke sat in the middle of the house, a disgruntled look on his face. He was on the brink of losing it, he was sure. He had cake and icing splattered on his face, and his once pristine outfit had paint all over it, as well as a trail of lipstick. He had bruises on his legs and a bite mark on his arm, as well as glue and glitter in his hair. He asked himself for the hundredth time why he agreed to do this, then he remembered. Sakura. Yep, this was definitely her fault.

Four hours earlier…

"SASUKE!"

The Uchiha sluggishly headed down the stairs at the sound of his demanding wife's voice. As he arrived at the foot of the stairs, he was immediately attacked by a pile of clothing, thrown at him by no other than Sakura Uchiha.

"Get dressed. We're going babysitting."

Sasuke could only stare at her blearily, not comprehending a single word. Babysitting?

"Come on Sasuke! We need to hurry up! I promised the girls I'd be there at 8 and it's around 8:30 already. We're already running late!"

"Wait." He grumbled, putting on the shirt she had thrown at him and still not understanding anything. "What girls? What babysitting? What's going on?"

"Ino, Temari, Hinata and Tenten are all busy today, and they asked if I could help take care of the kids. Ino's going to another village with Sai for their anniversary, Temari and Shikamaru are visiting the Sand Village today, Hinata is having some sort of team get-together, Naruto's busy with Hokage stuff and Tenten and Neji are on a mission, so no one's taking care of their children."

"And you volunteered." Sasuke said flatly. "Why am I helping again?"

"Because Sasuke," she replied, facing him with a stern look on her face. "You're my husband now, it's only for a day, and if you don't help me I'm not buying tomatoes for a week."

He gulped. No tomatoes? For a whole week?

Sakura meant business.

"Coming, Sasuke? They're all heading to Neji and Tenten's house, and we better be there soon." she yelled from the doorway.

"Coming." He grumbled, muttering something about the power of tomato threats.

"You're leaving?" he said incredulously, his eyes widening at the very thought of being left with the kids alone for an hour.

"Sasuke, it's just an hour. I need to buy food to cook, or they won't be having lunch. Just entertain them. Let them draw or something. It'll be fine. If you can handle a hundred ninja, you can handle a bunch of kids. I'll be back soon."

And she left, leaving Sasuke with a bunch of hyperactive children and no way of knowing what to do with them.

"Uncle Sasuke! Uncle Sasuke!" exclaimed Akari, Ino and Sai's eldest child and only daughter. "Can we play with Auntie Tenten's makeup?"

"Hey! That's my mommy's makeup. Only I'm allowed to use it!" protested Megumi, the daughter who loved dresses and makeup just as much as her mother loved weaponry.

"Ewww…makeup's yucky. Let's play with Uncle Neji's kunai knives!" yelled Jun, Shikamaru and Temari's eldest child.

"Can't we just sleep?" asked Kenji, Jun's younger brother.

"All of that's boring." Muttered Rokuro, Ino and Sai's youngest child and only son, who was every bit as emotionless as his father. "I wanna draw."

"Uncle Sasuke." Said Yuuto, Megumi's older brother and Tenten and Neji's son. "I heard that you have the Sharingan, the kekkei genkai of the Uchihas. I would like to challenge you with my own kekkei genkai, the Byakugan I inherited from my father." Sasuke rolled his eyes at the boy's polite speech. Every bit the nobleman as his father, wasn't he?

"I bet my Byakugan's better than yours, Yuuto! I challenge you!" mocked Minato, Naruto and Hinata's oldest son.

"Minato, it's not nice to fight. We shouldn't hurt our cousins." whispered Natsume, Minato's younger sister.

Sasuke glanced around in exasperation. How was he going to control these children?

"Enough!" He yelled, quieting the bickering children at once. "We're not allowed to play with either Tenten's makeup or Neji's weapons, so we're going to draw."

A few minutes later, Sasuke was staring down at all the children, who were dutifully using paintbrushes and coloring pencils to draw to their heart's content.

"Ta-da!" exclaimed Megumi, holding her artwork up proudly. "I'm finished! Look! It's a forest!"

Sasuke stared hard at her 'forest', a bunch of brown downward strokes with green clouds on top of them. Before he could compliment her, someone else butted in.

"It's horrible. It looks like brown sticks with green cotton balls on top of them." Said Rokuro plainly.

Megumi pouted, saying, "Well if you're so good, what does your forest look like?"

When Rokuro raised up his painting, Sasuke raised his eyebrows, impressed. His was painted in multitude of colors, and the trees were painted beautifully. He also showed a river winding through the forest, as well as a hawk circling overhead. In the background there was a setting sun, soaking the place in an array of yellows, reds and oranges. He had inherited all of his father's drawing talent, apparently.

All the children 'oohed' and 'aahed' at Rokuro's painting as he threw a satisfied smirk at Megumi's direction. In retaliation, she picked up a paintbrush and threw it at him with deadly accuracy, splattering Rokuro's face with paint.

"Take that! Mommy taught me how to do that." She said as she threw him her own satisfied smirk.

Sasuke's eyes widened as this turned into an all-out paint war, and he tried to intervene as the children all started throwing paint and paintbrushes at each other. Once he'd grabbed all the paintbrushes and put it out of their reach, he'd been splattered with around 17 different colors. He stared at them all, his Sharingan activated, making them all cower in fear, with the exception of Yuuto, who looked in fascination.

"Go to the kitchen, all of you." He growled.

They all rushed there in a matter of minutes as he bent down to clean up the mess.

When he entered the kitchen 30 minutes later, he realized something was wrong. Where was everyone?

"ATTACK!" yelled Jun.

And suddenly, a barrage of children attacked him. He collapsed to the ground as Akari yanked on his right leg and Jun pushed him. Kenji squirted glue in his hair lazily, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Rokuro bumped him away to place a cup full of purple glitter in his hair. At his right, Minato had leapt onto his arm and Sasuke clenched his teeth as he bit him painfully. Yuuto was sitting on his left arm and had a stick of lipstick, which he was trailing on Sasuke's shirt. He briefly looked down and saw Akari and Megumi kicking his legs as Natsume stared from afar, not wanting to be a part of the violence and eating a piece of cake.

"STOP!" He yelled forcefully, making everybody freeze. But it was too late. Jun had grabbed Natsume's cake and had thrown it at Sasuke, and all the children watched in fascination as the piece of cake flew in the air and landed squarely on the Uchiha's face.

There was an eerie silence as all the children clambered off of him and stared at him with solemn eyes. He looked at each and every one of them, and muttered two words.

"Upstairs. Now."

As they rushed upstairs, Sasuke sat on a stool. He grumbled. This was Sakura's fault. Definitely Sakura's fault.

"I'm home! Sasuke, you have to help me cook, and–SASUKE!" Sakura yelled, aghast as he turned to look at her.

"Kids are upstairs." He grumbled. "I'm cleaning up and taking a shower."

An hour later, Sasuke wondered what Sakura had that he didn't. They were all sitting on the floor of the living room obediently as she read them a story and they all listened in fascination. She had managed to calm them all down and clean them all up in an hour, and they had listened to her every word. Every time any of them argued, she calm them down with a stern look and a few gentle words, and they'd quickly apologize to each other. She seemed to have a special power over children, and they all obeyed her without question.

As the doorbell rang and the children were picked up by their parents, Sasuke and Sakura headed home. "So Sasuke," asked Sakura, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "how did you like baby-sitting?"

"Hn." He replied.

"Well, you better get used to it."

He turned to look at her, an eyebrow raised as he silently asked her what she meant.

She gave him a huge smile. "I'm pregnant."

And he stared at her open-mouthed as she ran off to their house, laughing all the way. Sasuke just stood in the middle of the road, trying to comprehend what he just heard.

He was going to be a father.

And he was going to have to undergo this torture every single day.

He groaned. Tomatoes. He was going to need a lot of tomatoes.