My Green Light: Chapter 4
Coming Sunday, Santana decided to stay at home. She barely had time alone, and she wanted Sunday's to be the time she had to herself. She had already finished reading the first three chapters of Gatsby, and even finished her character analysis. All she had left to do was some Pre-Calc and History, but she would save that for first period tomorrow. What she really wanted to do at the moment was write in her journal; something she hadn't done for over six months now. She grabbed it from her place under the bed, and opened it to a blank page. She sighed and began to write; pouring all her thoughts out.
I've never known what it felt like to have a desire for something you can't have. I always denied the possibility of something like this from happening. I've shielded myself from the thought of there being something more. Do I put on too much of an exterior? Is it worth breaking? Is she worth everything I've shielded myself from? I don't think so, but all I can do is hope.
And with that, Santana closed her journal. She was very personal with her writing. If anyone were to ever see it, she would probably pack her bags and move to Alaska. She wasn't even kidding.
X.
Santana felt stupid. She was excited on a Monday. All because of stupid blonde teacher with a stupid, pretty smile and a stupid, pretty name. She was so caught up on her teacher, that she hadn't had sex with Rachel for who knows how long. But Rachel didn't seem to mind. She was way too busy with other things. Santana was walking to Ms. Fabray's class that morning to turn in her Gatsby assignment. She approached her room and suddenly felt nervous. God, Santana really needed to compose herself. She knocked on the door again, because she still felt it was rude to just walk in.
"Santana." Quinn smiled softly. "Come on in."
"Hi." Santana smiled back. "I have my character analysis assignment for you." Quinn had almost forgotten that she had given Santana an alternate assignment.
"Wow. Great!" Ms. Fabray said excitedly as she accepted the paper. She took a moment to read over it. "Santana, this is amazing! It's so descriptive and in sighting." Santana blushed. She really had spent a lot of time on it.
"Thanks. Just wanted to do my best."
"And that you did. I'm giving you extra credit for this." Quinn decided.
"Wow. Thank you, Ms. Fabray." Santana gleamed.
"What did I tell you? It's Quinn outside of school hours." Quinn didn't know if she was being inappropriate. I mean, school hadn't really started yet.
"Quinn." Santana nodded with a smirk. "Gotcha." She started to walk a little closer to her teacher's desk, but then she tripped over a chair. Her bag fell off her shoulder, and her books were scattered all over the ground. "Fuck." Santana muttered from the ground. Quinn jumped out of her seat and went to help Santana.
"Santana!" Quinn shrieked. "Are you okay?" She helped her off the ground, and Santana just nodded.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks." She breathed out as she bent down to pick up her stuff. Quinn helped as well.
"I really have to move those desks back." Quinn joked. She felt at fault.
"Nope, don't even worry about it. I'm just clumsy." Santana reassured. Quinn laughed at that.
"Well, I'm just glad you're okay." Quinn said as she went to stroke Santana's arm. She held her hand there for a moment, until she realized she was lingering, and let go.
"Um, well. I'll see you for third period." Santana said softly. Quinn just nodded, and then Santana was out. Quinn was about to head back to her desk, until she spotted a leather journal lying open on the floor. She bent down to pick it up and immediately recognized Santana's handwriting. It was Santana's entry from Sunday. Quinn hadn't really meant to read it, but it was just there. Santana's writing was absolutely incredible, and she couldn't help but wonder who she was writing about; probably Rachel. Just as Quinn was about to close the journal, a familiar voice stopped her. "Are you reading my journal?" Santana asked coldly as she walked into the classroom and snatched it out of her teacher's hand.
"Santana." Quinn breathed. She noticed the disappointment on her student's face and immediately felt a pang in her chest. "I didn't mean to. It was open when I picked it up. I-I would never read it on purpose."
"You could've just closed it like a fucking normal person." Santana snapped. She didn't know why she was getting so mad. She just felt very protective over her writing, and to have the person she was writing about read it was her worst nightmare.
"I'm so sorry." Was all Quinn could say. She felt absolutely horrible for her actions, and she didn't know what to do. Santana just shook her head and walked out of the classroom.
X.
It had been a week, and Santana was still giving her teacher the cold shoulder. What she didn't realize was how much it was actually affecting Quinn. Ms. Fabray was giving her her space, and only talking to her for school related things, but Santana still ignored her even then. Santana's grades were going down too; she had put her cold exterior back on, not caring about anything. On the plus side, she had been hooking up with Rachel more often, but it just didn't feel the same, and Rachel noticed.
"Santana." Rachel said calmly as she detached her lips from hers. They were currently skipping second period and making out in the janitor's closet.
"What?" Santana whined as she tried to lean back in.
"No. Stop. I can tell you're not into this. It's okay, but just stop acting like you are." Rachel said honestly. Santana just stayed silent. "What's wrong?" Rachel whispered as she combed her fingers through Santana's hair.
"Nothing." She answered coldly. Rachel got up and rolled her eyes.
"Whatever, San. Just please don't shut everyone out again. Britt is worried about you too." And with that, Rachel was out. Santana just sat where she was and thought about what Rachel had said. She never thought it would get this bad with her teacher. Santana had never felt so much for someone, and it was scaring her. This was her teacher for crying out loud. Before she could think anymore, the bell for third period rang. Santana took her time fixing herself, and then slowly made her way to the class she was dreading. Thankfully, Puck was already in his seat.
"Hey." Santana said casually to him as she took her seat. Quinn looked up from her desk and glanced at Santana who was staring right back, but Santana looked away as soon as she caught her eye.
"Sup." Puck muttered. Apparently he had been taking a little nap, so she just rolled her eyes and let him continue. More students filed in, and that's when Ms. Fabray got up. She looked different- not as happy as she usually was when teaching. Santana felt like a horrible person. Not only had she felt close to her teacher, but her teacher had also felt close to her.
"Hi guys." Quinn smiled softly. "Today's going to be a pretty easy day. I'm going to let you have a free period, but I want you to be doing something related to this class." Everyone nodded. "Come to me with any questions, or if you need this week's assignment." Fuck. Santana had forgotten to grab the assignment yesterday. She realized she was being silly by contemplating on whether to get it t from her teacher, so she slowly got up, took a deep breath, and made her way to Quinn's desk. She wasn't looking at Santana when she approached.
"Um, Qui-." Santana stopped herself as she realized the name that was slipping from her lips. "I mean, Ms. Fabray?" Her teacher now looked up and seemed surprised that Santana was actually talking to her.
"Yes?" Quinn answered a little too eagerly. Santana thought it was cute, and actually let out a soft laugh.
"Uh, I just need the assignment." Quinn nodded and pulled out a packet from her desk drawer, handing it to Santana. "Thanks."
"No problem."
After a longer than usual period, the lunch bell rang, and everyone filed out of the classroom.
"Santana, do you mind staying back? I need some help filing." Quinn asked. She decided that she was no longer going to put up with this cold and aloof Santana. She missed her student, for she was her favorite. Santana hesitated for a moment, but then nodded.
"What do you need me to do?" She asked casually.
"Can you just look through this pile and separate the graded from the ungraded?" Quinn asked, handing her a stack of papers.
"Sure." Santana and her teacher worked in silence for a few moments, until Santana had enough. "Can I ask you something? I want you to answer honestly."
"Of course." Quinn answered immediately
"What did you think of my writing?" Santana bit her lip as she waited for her teacher to answer.
"I thought it was beautiful. Honestly." Quinn answered as sincerely as she could. Feeling bold, she added, "Whoever that's about is really lucky." Santana gulped. Was Quinn flirting with her? Did she know? No. It couldn't be. Santana didn't respond for a few minutes, and Quinn was beginning to think that what she said was completely uncalled for, but before she could take it back, she heard something drop on the floor. Quinn was about to ask what happened, but she was cut off by Santana's warm breath hitting her ear.
"It's about you, Quinn." Santana whispered in her ear. Quinn closed her eyes and tried to breathe.
"Santana.." She whispered back.