Okay so its been months since I last updated for this story and mainly it was due to the fact that eventhough they had a bittersweet ending, it was closure. Then I got this idea in my head and I had to continue the story. I hope it makes sense and that it alignes with the previous chapter. Also I'm trying something new with this chapter, instead of 3rd person, it is now in 1st person. If you all don't like it let me know and I will upload the 3rd person version. Thanks so much for reading and enjoy. =)
Summary:
A/U this is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.
ThanX go out to my eXcellent Beta AE ;) :D and to Karen for stepping in when AE was sick.
Disclaimer: Believe the Lie. :) These characters and some re-enactments between Derek & **cough** Mer...(Sorry can't say her name again EWW) belong to Shonda Rhimes and Co. I just borrow them and have my way with them. ;)
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of one of the most prolific directors of our time, Kim Manners. You will be dearly missed.
As he would say: "Kick it in the Ass!!"
'Dreams' by The Cranberries
"Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems
I know I've felt like this, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.
Ah, la da ah...
La..."
'Maybe' by Agent Addek
'Dreams'
You know how people say that dreams do come true? Well, I never truly believed in that until I met her. I noticed her right away...I mean how could I not? Her gorgeous smile, her radiant hair...those legs that went on for miles. Yeah, I thought most of my dreams had come true the day that I made her my wife, but then I lost sight of many things. The little things that I thought weren't important...things that eventually led the love of my life to cheat on me with my best friend, the man who was like a brother to me. It took me a long time to realize that I played a huge part in helping my wife end our marriage, but that's all said and done now. We closed that chapter of our lives about a month and a half ago when we said our final goodbyes and silently gave our blessings to move on.
So here I am on my property, standing on my porch, looking for the woman I feel I can move on with. It hasn't always been easy for us, especially when that beautiful fiery red head came waltzing back into my life...but somehow, after all the mess we made of things, I feel like we can actually do this. I wasn't always convinced, as she can be pretty infuriating. She's insecure, immature at times, naive, and she doesn't trust many people. Well to be honest, she probably only trusts one person, her person...Christina. Not that she doesn't have a reason to be wary of people...her parents did a number on her...but sometimes, I feel like she likes playing the victim card, she's comfortable in that role. I don't mean to sound cruel or unsympathetic, but it's an observation I've made. I managed to help make some of those insecurities worse when I failed to tell her that I was married, then when I stayed married, and then when I did so many other things.
Staring at the Seattle skyline, now I notice how clear it is. It hasn't been this clear in a while, and like I said, I believe in dreams...I believe in signs, and I won't admit this out loud, but I believe in happy endings. I notice flickering lights up ahead of me, a cluster of lights blowing in the wind. I can see her in the distance...in the middle of what seems to be candles. She walks back and forth, going on and on about something. So I walk up to her and say her name. I'm ready to jump in again, I'm ready to dream a new dream.
"Meredith?"
"Where have you been?! I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating thing. I was just gonna tell you that this over here...." she points down at what seems to be an outline of a house. A house I had said that I wanted to build for us. A house that should have been mine and Addison's, but this is my new life...the life I want with Meredith and she has drawn us a house with candlelight. "....is our kitchen, this is our living room and over there...that's the room where our kids could play." I stare at her. I can't believe she's actually saying this. This is a huge step for her regarding us. I continue to listen as she goes on. "I got all whole and healed, and then you don't show up...and now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home. I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne!"
I'm finally able to really get her attention when I raise up the hand that is holding the bottle.
"This is the kitchen?...living room?...a little small. I think the view is much better from here...and that's the room where the kids are gonna play? Hmmm...where's our bedroom?" I make my way towards her, walking to my future.
"I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I trust you. I wanna trust you...but I don't know if I do. I'm just gonna try and trust you because I believe that we could be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart, and I wanna be..." I pull her towards me and kiss her...kiss her to shut her up, kiss her to tell her yes, kiss her because I think I'm finally ready too. We hold the kiss, both lost in this moment...but I pull away, there's something that I need to do.
"I have to go."
"What?" she asks confused.
"In order to do more than kiss you, I need to speak to Rose. I want my conscience clear so I can do more than kiss you."
She sighs.
"Stay here. Don't Move. Wait for me." I say with a smile as I start to walk away. I rush to my jeep, I need to go and find Rose. I know this isn't the best way to do this, but I'm gonna give Rose the respect that I never gave Addison and end things with her before I further things with Meredith.
I jump in the jeep, turn the engine on and prepare myself for a conversation I really wished that I didn't have to have. I switch on the radio because I need some distraction, some other noise than my own thoughts.
"...Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right..."
Flash: Derek and Addison's wedding day.
"...How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go..."
Flash: Rainy night in New York, Addison begging him to stay.
"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance..."
Flash: The kiss they shared on the trailer's porch on that Thanksgiving with the cold chinese food.
Why did he keep thinking of her? Everything about tonight was reminding him of Addison. That day he let her go at the airport, he'd known it was goodbye. They spent that amazing night together and they both knew that they couldn't go back...too much had happened. So why now that Meredith is ready to be with him, now that he is sure about them, why is he thinking of his ex-wife? The song continued in the background as he tried to push all thoughts of his favorite red head aside.
"...Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall..."
His phone began to ring. He dug through his pockets, trying to find the culprit of the extra noise.
"...Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go..."
"Hello?" he answers as he reaches out to turn the volume down.
"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance...."
"Hello? I can't hear you, can you speak up a bit?" he asks as he holds his phone in between his ear and shoulder. He rolls up his window while keeping a hand on the steering wheel.
"...Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance..."
"Hold on, give me a sec..." he shuts off the radio. "Okay, Hello? Oh hey... how are you?... Yeah, what's going on? Are you okay?..."
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You'd think that at my age I wouldn't be praising the porcelain gods...and if I was, it should be due to a night of heavy binge drinking...well it's not. The nausea, the pounding headache, and the dizziness is killing me. At first, I thought it was a 24 hour bug, but now I'm convinced it's the flu. I feel like a two ton truck just hit me...well my stomach actually, and nothing I'm doing seems to be working. I feel absolutely retched! I just want to crawl into my comfortable bed, wrap myself in my warm blankets and be dead to the world. Of course, having Kevin here to wrap himself around me would definitely be a bonus.
Addison smiles to herself but then frowns when she feels the nausea coming again. Yup, that's why I can't be in bed. I can't make any movement at all, it just exasperates my ailment.
I hear the front door unlock...Naomi has arrived to take care of me. Boy is she going to have her hands full! You know what they say...doctors do make the worse patients.
Naomi enters Addison's living room to find her curled up in a fetal position on the couch. She instantly feels awful for her friend. She sets down the bags of comforting items that she's brought along with her, but as soon as the soup she's made hits Addison's nose, Addie quickly leaps from the couch and runs to the bathroom.
Naomi can hear Addison throwing up as she heads to the kitchen to grab her some ginger ale and crackers. She really doesn't know what's wrong with her but she's going to make sure that she's taking care of herself.
Addison walks slowly back to the couch and curls up again, surrounding herself with blankets. "I feel like crap Nai."
"I know Addie. Here, drink this and have some of these...they'll help with the nausea." Naomi says as she hands the items to Addison.
Addison reaches out and takes the crackers and ginger ale. She smiles weakly at Naomi. "Thanks Nai, I really appreciate you coming over to check up on me. I don't feel so hot and you know how I can be when I'm sick."
"Yup I do. That's exactly why I brought all of this extra stuff for you. You are so bad when you're sick Adds. You don't take care of yourself. Okay, I'm gonna go put this away and make some tea. Then we're gonna try and figure out what's going on with you. It shouldn't be too hard, we're both doctors after all." Naomi winks at Addison and walks towards the kitchen.
"Oh god not again..." Addison grunts as she leaps from the couch and rushes to the bathroom once more.
Concern instantly washes over Naomi's face. "Addie, you okay?" she yells after her. She gets no response so she walks up to the bathroom door and knocks. "Addie?"
"I'll be out in a minute, ahhh.." Addison replies as she heaves again.
"Okay, let me know if you need anything." Naomi says as she goes back to the kitchen to grab their tea. She enters the living room with both mugs in hand but she can still hear Addison in the washroom gagging. She sets down their cups and waits.
Not much later, Addison re-enters the living room and curls up, immersing herself in the mountain of blankets again. She notices the cup of tea in front of her but doesn't reach for it. She doesn't want to risk it coming back up like everything else has today.
"I made you some camomille tea...it should help soothe your stomach." Naomi offers.
"Thanks Nai, but I think I'm gonna pass. I really don't know what's going on. I mean, I'm a doctor...I should be able to self diagnose." she says frustratingly.
"Well, you've been feeling like this for what...the past 3 days?" Naomi asks.
"Yup. I thought it was food poisoning at first, then a 24 hour bug, but now I think it might be the stomach flu." Addison states.
"Okay, so what are your symptoms? Do you have a fever?...nausea?... what?"
"Uhmm...I've just been feeling some dizziness and nausea. Seriously, everything I smell just makes me sick! Oh my god and this pounding headache that just won't go away!" she finishes.
"Addie, when was your last period?"
"What? I don't know...I can't really think about that right now Nai. Why?"
Naomi is quiet for a few minutes...then she shakes her head and chuckles to herself.
"What's so funny Nai?" Addison asks in annoyance.
"Nothing...it's just that all of those symptoms that you described, just....no no... forget it. It's not possible. I mean, even if you tried you would need help. You only have 2 eggs left and your FSH** is borderline. There's no way, it would be a miracle." Naomi babbles.
"Nai?"
"You've only been sleeping with Kevin what a week?...two weeks at the most? Even if it was natural conception it would definitely take more than that, so..."
"Nai?"
Naomi stops mid-thought and looks at her confused sick friend. "Sorry, it's just that it sounds like you could be pregnant Addison." she states simply.
Addison was quiet, trying to process this information. 'There's no way I could be pregnant...and if I was pregnant, I would so know. I mean come on, I'm a doctor. I deal with pregnant women all the time. Nai's right, even if there was a possibility, I would need her help or at the very least, a lot a lot a lot of sex. Kevin and I have only slept together a handful of times and we've been safe. I mean, we've only been dating for what... 2 ½ weeks...and I just started sleeping with him. Symptoms don't usually start until 2-6 weeks into the pregnancy so it's not possible. Besides, I had my period …I had it...oh my god!! I had it about 2 months ago..', "Oh My God!!!" Addison says loudly.
Naomi snaps her head up instantly and sees the look of shock on Addison's face.
"Addison?"
Addison is astounded by the possibility "No, it's not possible Nai! It's ridiculous to even think it, right?! There's no chance in hell that it could actually happen this way! I mean come on, what does he have super sperm?! If it did happen this way, it would be one big hahahaha on me!!! This cannot be happening Nai!! Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick again!" Addison quickly stands and runs to the bathroom.
Naomi sits there, a little dumbfounded by Addison's reaction. Could her friend actually be pregnant? After a few moments Addison comes back into sight, walking very zombie-like. She's quiet for a few moments before she speaks.
"Nai, this is crazy! It's not real!! There's no way right?" she pleads with her.
"Well Addie, I can't give you an answer until I know what you're talking about. Are you telling me that there is a chance that you could be pregnant?" she asks curiously.
"What I'm saying...or what I'm asking is...is there a chance without IVF treatment that I could conceive?"
"Well, what I've learned in all my years of helping women get pregnant, is that yes, anything's possible and miracles do happen. This could be your miracle Adds."
"Okay then. Okay... ahhh..I think I need a pregnancy test."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I'm uhhh...pretty sure I am."
"Okay, well let's ahhh...wow this is a bit...Addison. Uhmm...let's go to the practice. I can get you a more accurate answer there. Wow Addie...you and Kevin could possibly be..."
"Nai?" Addison says her name to get her shocked friend's attention. "Can we please go to the practice and find out for sure? Then we can talk about all of the details once I know."
"Okay, let's go. I'll drive." Naomi offers her a small smile.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Addison quickly dresses while Naomi clears up the living room. They get into Naomi's car and drive silently to the office. Naomi wants to give Addison time with her own thoughts, so she doesn't disturb her with any conversation.
'Could this really be possible? Could this really be happening? Why now? If I'm pregnant and these are symptoms of that, then I'm more than two weeks in. If that's the case, this would mean that this would be our baby....mine and Derek's. After everything that has happened, after fighting so hard to move on, this could link us together again...for life. I've wanted a baby for so long. I wanted a baby with Derek and this could very well be a chance to have that but, oh my god...this would be so complicated...with Derek. We live in different states, how would this work? And Kevin? ...What about Kevin?' Addison shook her head to stop her thoughts. 'Okay, I can't think about all this right now. I have to know first. I have to know, then I can figure this out...figure out what I'm gonna say to Derek and what I'm gonna say to Kevin.'
They park and Naomi quickly exits the car as Addison follows closely behind, both of them are silent. Addison finally speaks up. "I want this to be true Nai, I'm just not ready for all the complications that are going to come along with this situation."
"You mean having a baby? Addie, you will be a wonderful mother. You have nothing to worry about, you.."
"No, not about that. I want a baby and I'm ready Nai, but it's...you know what, I'll worry about that once we know." The elevator comes to a stop on the 3rd floor and as they exit they bump into Violet.
"Hey, what are you two doing here? Aren't you sick?" she asks as she looks at Addison.
"Yeah, well...I'm something, just don't know what yet." Addison replies as she walks towards one of the exam rooms.
"What's up with her?" Violet questions.
"Uhmmm...we'll know soon enough. What are you doing here so late?"
"Catching up on patient notes and I have nothing else to do. I have no life Naomi." Violet gripes frustratingly.
"Oh Violet, come on let's go find Addie and I can deal with both of you together." Naomi loops her arm through Violet's and drags her along to find Addison.
They enter the exam room where Addison is already propped up on the table. She has pulled out all of the necessary items for the test.
"What are all the tubes and needle for?" Violet asks curiously.
"Pregnancy test." Addison replies.
"What? You think you've got a bun in the oven?" Violet blurts out.
"Yes. No. I don't know, that's why we're here. Can we do this Nai?"
"Yeah, let me finish setting up. Here...while I do this, why don't you go and get me a sample of your urine. We can do a urine test and blood test. The blood results won't be in 'til tomorrow afternoon, but you and I both know that a urine test, if done correctly, is 97% accurate, so..."
"Yeah, okay...I'll be right back." Addison says as she takes the cup and walks towards the bathroom.
Naomi and Violet both stare after Addison. Something seems off but they can't put their finger on it.
"Is she okay?" Violet asks with a tinge of concern.
"I don't know. I mean, I know that she and Kevin haven't been dating that long, and that this is definitely a shock for her, but there is something else going on and I don't know what that could be."
Addison reappears in the exam room with her sample in hand. She gives it to Naomi, then props herself up on the bed again. Naomi turns her attention to the urine sample, reaches out for the strip and slides it into the plastic cup. She washes her hands and then gloves up to perform her next exam.
Addison extends her arm as Naomi searches for a good vein to draw blood from. She finds a spot, cleans it with an alcohol swab and then reaches for the needle. As she inserts the needle, Addison flinches a bit but doesn't make a sound. Violet hands Naomi the little tubes as Naomi fills them up.
"Okay, you're all done. I'll take these down in a bit and we'll have these results by tomorrow, around noon. Are you ready to know your urine results?" Naomi asks cautiously.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
Naomi reaches for the strip and pulls it out. The results prove what she has suspected. Positive. She looks up to meet Addison's intense gaze and smiles. "I don't know how this happened Addie-girl...but according to your urine test, you're pregnant!"
Both women see Addison's face ashen instantly, then see her start to hyperventilate. "Addie?" Naomi questions in alarm. Addison can't hear anything, there's just silence. She sees the room spinning and then nothing. Violet and Naomi both rush to her side as they see her body go limp.
Naomi yells out. "Addie? Addison? Come on Addie!"
Violet grabs her files and starts fanning Addison, trying to give her some air.
"I think the news was a bit too much for her." Violet states the obvious.
"You think?" Naomi responds with more annoyance than she intends to.
"Addison, honey, open your eyes. Addie-girl, open your eyes." Naomi begs.
"She's not responding. Why isn't she responding?"Violet questions worriedly.
"I don't know. Hand me that alcohol swab."
Violet hands Naomi the alcohol swab. She takes it immediately and passes it underneath Addison's nose. Her eyes begin to flutter and she finally comes back to consciousness.
"Wha...What happened?" Addison asks in confusion as she tries to sit up.
"You fainted and scared the hell out of us, that's what happened" Violet says, with relief evident in her voice.
"You passed out Addie...you really scared us there for a minute. How do you feel?" Naomi asks.
"Ahh...I'm fine. I just ahhhahh...have this pounding headache now. So uhmmm...I guess I probably imagined that whole thing right? I'm not pregnant with my ex-husband's baby?" She looks at Naomi and sees the reaction of astonishment on her face. Then she sees Violet's jaw drop. "I'm guessing that's a no. Shit!" Addison closes her eyes but then opens them when she hears Naomi's high pitched voice.
"You slept with Derek?" Naomi questions. "You slept with Derek and now you're pregnant? What?! Addison, when did this happen?" Naomi asks in confusion and with concern.
Violet is too stunned to speak. She thought her life was a big ol' mess...but Addison, Addison takes the cake when it comes to affairs, divorces, and babies with ex-husbands. This was definitely going to be good... and where's Cooper when she needs him to share the new practice gossip.
"I didn't expect this to happen Nai. It was meant as a goodbye." she explains.
"A goodbye! Addison, you've been divorced for what?...almost two years...that was goodbye! When did this happen?"
"Look Nai, I don't need any lectures. I need my best friend right now. I need you to help me make sense of all this. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do!"
"Are you sure it's Derek's and not Kevin's?" Naomi questions.
Addison should have been offended by her question, but she understands why Naomi would ask. "I'm sure. I've only been sleeping with Kevin for the past week, and you and I both know, that to determine a pregnancy through levels of hCG**, it takes between 6-8 days. Symptoms don't start until about 2-6 weeks into the pregnancy. I slept with Derek about a month and a half ago. My last period was about that long ago. Besides, with a trans vaginal ultrasound, I'm sure we could determine how far along I am." Addison finishes.
"You slept with him when you went to Seattle for that consult?" Naomi asks.
"No wonder you were glowing when you came back. Hey, you told me it was the night crème you were using...Tourmaline or something like that. You totally lied and I went and bought it. Argghh.." Violet says, a bit miffed.
"Violet, can we please focus here?! My best friend slept with her ex-husband and didn't tell me. My best friend is now pregnant with said ex-husband's baby." She turns back to Addison.
"Addison, what were you thinking?!"
"I don't think she was thinking Naomi, I mean I wouldn't either. I've seen pictures of Derek and ooh boy! Addison, I don't blame you one bit. I would totally subscribe to his services too." Violet says with a chuckle, completely amused with herself.
Addison and Naomi both glare at her, not too pleased with her random comments. "Wow, tough crowd. Okay, I'll just zip it for now."
Addison turns her attention back to Naomi. "Nai, please can you not ask why, when, and where, and just be my friend and my doctor. I need you Nai. I'm scared that I won't make it through my first trimester. You said it yourself, it's a miracle, but we have to be realistic here. I'm 41 years old and I only had two eggs left, one of which has now been fertilized. My FSH** is borderline. What are the chances that I will carry this baby to term?" Addison questions with trepidation. She herself being a neonatal surgeon already knows the answer, but she wants and needs a second opinion.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just worry about you Addison. I love you and I'm so tired of seeing you hurt. I know this is something that you've wanted, something you wanted with Derek for so long. So let's take a deep breath and let you enjoy this moment. Hey Addie, you're gonna be a mommy. Congratulations!!" Naomi says with a big grin as she embraces her very shocked and terrified friend. Addison instantly relaxes in her embrace.
"I'm gonna be a mom. I could actually, possibly be a mom Nai." she says with excited laughter.
Violet eyes them for a few seconds and then joins them in a group hug. "Okay I'll bite, let me in on that hug. Congratulations Addison!"
"Thank you Violet. Thank you." she says as she gives her a quick appreciative hand squeeze.
"Look, I don't want to break up this happy party, but we need to do an ultrasound."
"Right now?" Addison inquires.
"Yeah, why not? We have the machine here and I know how to perform and read the ultrasound. The sooner we know how far along you are, the sooner we know how we need to proceed in order to help you keep this baby. Why don't you go ahead and undress from the waist down, and put this over your...oh would you listen to me...why am I even telling you this? You've performed many of these yourself, you know what to do. Violet, come with me, I need your help getting the machine in here. We'll be back in a few minutes, just relax." Naomi says with a calming smile and exits the exam room with Violet in tow.
Addison undresses and then lays down on the table. She adjusts herself on the stir-ups as she fixes the paper blanket over herself. She still can't believe that this was actually real. She and Derek were going to be parents. She feels like she's going to wake up and realize that this has all been a dream.
"Hey, you all set?" Naomi asks as she and Violet roll in the ultrasound machine. "I'm just gonna set this up and we can get started. Do you want me to walk you through it?" She asks. Naomi wants to give her the option even though Addison knows exactly what she will be doing.
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks Nai." Addison replies with a smile.
Naomi eyes Violet who then moves over to the other side of the bed and takes Addison's hand. "Just relax Addison, we're here with you." Violet assures her.
"Okay Addie, I need you to scoot down a bit more and relax your legs. I'm warming up the gel before I apply it to the wand. Now, I need you to take a deep breath and slowly let it out." Naomi slowly inserts the wand but Addison tenses up a bit. "Relax Addie...remember, I can't harm the fetus with this, okay? Just breathe."
"I'm just so afraid that I'm not gonna carry this baby to term. I know all the risks Nai." Addison says as tears stream down the side of her face.
"Addison listen to me, I know all the risks too. I'm gonna walk you through all of them, but remember, you have me and I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you carry this baby to term. Okay?"
"Okay?" Addison replies as Violet squeezes her hand assuringly.
"Let's see, oh there it is, there's the yolk sac. So this definitely puts you at about 5-6 weeks into your pregnancy. I'm going to take a few scans and then print them out for you." She takes a few snaps of the images, then readies Addison. "I'm about to remove the wand okay, now breathe 1...2...3... You're all set. Go ahead and clean up. Violet and I will meet you in my office so we can go through the scans and the file I already have on you."
Addison nods in understanding as Naomi and Violet exit the exam room. She stands up and goes into the bathroom to wash up. "Oh my god!! I really am pregnant." She says out loud. She looks in the mirror. She looks and feels different already. She still has many fears, but she's one of the best in her field and so is her best friend. She knows that this baby, hers and Derek's baby, will have a chance to come into this world.
She walks into Naomi's office where Nai and Violet are already sitting. They look up as she walks in and both give her a comforting smile.
"So you're pregnant." Naomi says in order to break the silence. "We'll have your blood results by tomorrow, but we can officially say that you're with child. I still want to look at your results, just to make sure that you're not anemic. If you are, that would explain why you've been feeling like hell. That, or you just have a really bad case of morning sickness...or in your case, all day sickness." She says with a small chuckle. "Okay, now for the not-so-good stuff. I just want to go through all of this with you and then talk about how we're not going to let any of it happen. Are you with me?" Naomi questions her cautiously.
"Yes." Addison simply states.
"Okay, so the chance of fertility with the kind of FSH levels that you have, are at about 2.7%. The chance of miscarriage is at about 71.4%, which is really high, especially in women between the ages of 40-45. You've already beaten one of the odds Addison, and those women that experienced the miscarriages didn't have me, and I'm very good at my job. You know what else?...they didn't have you either. You are one of, if not the best, in neonatal...and together, we are going to give my little niece or nephew a fighting chance." Naomi finishes.
"Okay, we can do this. I can do this. I can do this." Addison repeats it like a mantra.
"Now what I need you to do, is cut down on your stress level. No more long hours at the office. Starting tomorrow, you will only be here half the day. I'm also going to start you on pre-natal vitamins. As you may know, it helps tremendously that you are fit and in good health, so continue to eat the way that you do. Of course, you know that you can't eat certain foods. Like fish with high mercury levels, raw meats, deli meats...I'll give you a list. I know it seems like a lot, and you probably already know these things Addie, but I need you to please let me be your doctor and let yourself be a patient." Naomi pleads with her.
Violet has been quiet throughout Naomi's explaining, but once she feels that Nai's finished, she speaks up. "Addison, I know you don't like for me to shrink you, but I know that this is an extremely hard and awkward situation for you, so if you need to talk, my door's always open. I also think it would be a good idea for you to see Pete about helping you with some relaxing techniques. He's really been good in cases like this before." Violet suggests.
Addison sits there, taking all of the information in. She feels overwhelmed by everything.
"Addison, are you okay?" Naomi asks with worry.
Addison meets her gaze and then speaks. "I just...I uhhh...I still can't believe this! A year ago when I came here, you told me there was no chance of me ever having a baby...and now, now it's completely possible...but it's also not possible. What if something goes wrong?" She eyes both of them. "What if something goes wrong and I've made all the plans and decorated the room and bought all the baby essentials? What if I tell Derek that I'm pregnant, only to later call him and tell him I'm not? What if...oh god..." Tears begin to stream down her face. She's afraid. She's afraid to fall in love with this baby only to later lose it.
"Addison?" Violet says in order to gain her attention.
Addison looks up and meets her eyes. Violet's taken aback by the raw emotion that the red head is showing. She's known her for a little over a year now but she had never seen her like this before.
"Addison, you can't be afraid to enjoy this. I know it seems like the odds are stacked against this pregnancy, but you know what you need to do. You also have Naomi and me. You will have this practice completely behind you, helping you along the way. As for Derek, it's not your responsibility to worry about him, let him do that. All you have to concentrate on and put your complete energy towards is this baby. Everything else will fall into place. Okay?"
She sighs and then smiles. "Okay."
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The drive back to her house is again spent in silence. Addison is still in shock and Naomi wants to give her some time to let everything sink in. They pull up to her driveway and walk in unison towards the door.
"How are you feeling?" Naomi speaks first.
"I feel a little better...not too much nausea."
"Look, I know you probably don't want to eat, but you need to Addie. I'm going to make you a quick snack and warm up some of that tea for you."
Addison nods and gives Naomi an appreciative smile.
"I'm going upstairs to take a quick shower. I'll be down in a few minutes."
"Okay, let me know if you need anything."
Addison goes up the stairs and undresses as she walks into her room. She's about to walk into the bathroom when she hears the phone ring.
"I'll get it Nai." she yells so that Naomi can hear her.
"Hello?"
"Hey Addison, it's Kevin."
"Kevin, hey."
"I just wanted to call and check on you...and to say goodnight, cause I don't think I'll be getting out anytime soon."
"Oh that's okay...uhmm...I actually feel better...and Naomi's here with me so I'm not alone."
"Okay. So can I see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
"Then I'll give you a call. We can do lunch near your office."
"That's sounds perfect. I'll talk to you then."
"Goodnight Addison."
"Goodnight Kevin."
She feels guilty for not telling him, but it's not something she wants to do over the phone. She's hoping he won't be too upset. After all, they had only gone out on two dates before she went to Seattle. Then she didn't hear back from him until about 3 weeks later. She really likes Kevin but she'd understand if he couldn't be with her after she told him.
Addison turns on the water and lets the shower run for a bit. She just needs to feel the pressure of the water hit her back. She slips in and instantly feels calmer. She closes her eyes and loses herself in her thoughts for a bit.
'As a little girl, I always believed in fairy tales and when Derek waltzed into my life, that belief carried over into my adult life. He was my prince charming. He was tall, dark and handsome. His eyes and smile were definitely the first things I noticed and they attracted me to him. Then there were his hands. The hands that would end up saving so many lives, were the very hands that he'd later used to map my body at night. When we married, I thought life could only get better. Like I said, I believed in fairy tales and dreams. I wanted that life with the house, the kids, and the great husband. I could have had that life but then things fell apart and my dreams for all those things died the night he walked out that door. I never thought I would ever get any of that back...but now, here I am...showering in Los Angeles while one of those dreams is growing inside of me.'
Addison touches her hand to her stomach and smiles, but she's brought out of her reverie when she hears a knock at the door. "Addie, are you okay?" her concerned friend asks.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Okay, I just wanted to check on you."
Addison shuts the water off, slips out of the shower and wraps herself in a towel. She quickly dries off and changes into a comfortable long camisole. She stares into her tall length mirror and turns sideways, trying to see if she could see a slight bump. To her dismay, her stomach is still very much flat, but she knows it won't be like that for long.
As Addison enters the living room, she sees a plate with fresh fruit on it, along with a bowl of vegetable soup and some crackers. She takes a seat as Naomi walks towards her with a glass of water.
"Okay, eat up. You need your strength since you vomited half your weight earlier." Naomi says with a chuckle.
"Ewww Nai, thanks for reminding me."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay Nai. I'm fine. Nai?"
"Yeah honey?"
"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me and for not pushing for the details. I promise I'll tell you, I'm just trying to process."
"You're welcome...and take all the time you need hun. Are you gonna be okay tonight?"
"I'm pregnant Nai, I'm not completely helpless you know."
"I know, I just...at the office earlier you weren't too great...and I just want to make sure that you'll be fine. I could stay with you tonight...I'll just have Maya stay with Sam and..."
Addison waves her off. "No it's okay. Go home to your daughter, it's a school night. I'll be fine tonight. I'll see you tomorrow morning, bright and early."
"Okay, but if you need anything, anything at all, please do not hesitate to call me, alright?"
"I will. Goodnight Nai."
Naomi walks over to Addison and gives her a quick hug, "I love you."
"Love you too."
As soon as Nai is out the door, Addison stands up to grab her phone. She needs to make a phone call. She's definitely dreading this phone call but she has to let him know. Derek has a right to know. But should she tell him over the phone? Or should she have him travel up to LA? Maybe she should be the one to go to Seattle? She can't keep thinking about this, she is only avoiding the inevitable.
She grabs the phone and dials. It rings and rings and then he picks up.
"Hello?" he answers. She can hear him fumbling with the phone. There's music in the background.
"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance..."
"Derek?" she questions.
"Hello?" he repeats. "I can't hear you, can you speak up a bit."
"Derek, it's me. Can you hear me?" she asks.
"...Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance..."
"Hold on, give me a sec...." she hears him fumble some more and then silence."Okay, Hello?"
"Hey Derek, it's me, Addison."
"Oh hey... how are you?..."
"Uhmmm...I'm good. Do you have a moment?"
"Yeah, what's going on?"
She's quiet, she doesn't know how to begin.
"Are you okay? Addison?" he calls out to her.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you driving?"
"Yeah I am. I'm running an errand." he lies.
"Okay, well I won't take too much of your time. I need to talk to you Derek, it's important."
"Addison, you're scaring me! Hold on, let me pull over."
"Derek wait..." she tries to get his attention but he has already set down the phone. She can hear him turning off the engine.
"Okay I'm back, I just parked outside the port."
"You on your way to the hospital?"
"Yeah, I need to go take care of a few things, but I'm not working tonight. So ahhh...what did you need to tell me?" he asks with a tinge of concern.
"I didn't want to do this over the phone Derek but...I uhhh..."
Derek feels like time is stopping. Was she calling to tell him something that he wasn't ready to hear? Did she find someone to share her life with? This can't be happening. He can't lose her to someone else. Someone else can't have her, she's his. Even when they're miles apart, she's a part of him. No, he doesn't want to hear this...whatever it is, it doesn't sound like something he's ready to deal with.
"...I guess I'll have to, you have a right to know."
"To know what Addie, you're scaring me!"
"No, it's nothing life threatening Derek, well not now anyway. Uhhhh...I'm pregnant." She can hear his quick breath intake, she doesn't know what he's thinking. She desperately wants to see his reaction.
Derek stops breathing. She's pregnant, she's pregnant with someone else's child and she called to tell me...why? This is too much! I can't do this with her, I need to get off the phone.
"Congratulations Addison, I'm sure you and the father are ecstatic. Listen, I'd love to keep catching up, but I have to get going...ahh...can we talk later?" He needs to stop talking to her. He feels like he's just been gutted. The idea of his Addie carrying another man's child is just too much to bear. He has no right, he knows that, but he can't help it.
"Derek, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to tell you."
Derek can't stop himself and he abruptly speaks. "How can I not understand what you're saying? Jesus Addison! Do you really need to make sure I know?! I get it! You're happy, but I can't handle this. What it took you 2 months after being with me to find someone else and move on and get pregnant? Look I know it shouldn't affect me like this, but knowing that you're having a baby with someone who isn't me, just feels wrong. I'm sorry. I'm happy for you. I really am, but I have to go." he's about to hang up on her when he faintly hears her say.
"It's your baby Derek. Our baby."
Everything suddenly stops. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears. She's pregnant with my baby? With our baby? He can't talk, he can't move. He's floored.
"Derek, are you there? Derek?"
"...I want more, impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do....
And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.
Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
in every possible way.
And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.
Ah, da, da da da,da,la...."
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!
Sources:
Understanding Early Pregnancy/First Trimester Ultrasound Results:
.com/od/diagnosingpregnancyloss/ss/ultrasound_
Transvaginal Ultrasound:
.com/topic/transvaginal-ultrasound
Infertility
Ovulation/Ovarian Reserve Female Age and the Chance for a Successful Pregnancy:
.com/ovulation_
Foods you can't eat when pregnant:
/hub/Foods-cant-eat-when-pregnant
Courtesy of MedlinePlus
Trusted Health Information for you:
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**FSH-Follicle stimulating hormone.
**hCG-Human chorionic gonadotrophin
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