A/N: This took an awful long time, I'm sorry. Still have other stories to update that I have not abandoned to those of you of think I have… But until then…
Your eyes fly open at the sound of the gunshot, your hand flies to your chest, fingers frantically feeling for blood, but you feel nothing but your heart pounding in your chest and the wires connected to you and you relax. You remember what happened, you remember the shot, remember the burning feel of it tearing through your skin, you remember feeling the hot rush of blood as it left your body, you remember his blue eyes above your face, you remember the feeling of life leaving your body.
You remember the words he said, you remember he loves you.
You remember waking up at the hospital and then you remember nothing else but being at his front door, seeking answers to your questions. You needed to know if it was just your mind giving you what you know you wanted, no matter how much you denied it as you breathed your possible last breath.
You needed to know if he was telling the truth, or if it was just a last resort for him, to keep you alive. You needed to know if he really loves you.
He took you back, when you couldn't hide the pain anymore, he took you in his arms and returned you to the hospital and he held you as the nurse gave you something to take the pain away, to take consciousness away.
Your eyes scan the dark room, landing on his slumped figure by the wall, you stare at his figure in the darkness, letting your eyes adjust. You listen to the steady sound of a machine, beeping in time with your slowing heartbeat. You inhale deeply, wincing and groaning at the pain that shoots through your chest at the simple movement.
He's by your side then, his fingers finding yours, squeezing them tightly, letting your mind focus on something other than the pain. You shut your eyes, feel his hands ghosting over your face, brushing the hair away from your eyes, when you open your eyes, he's closer, his face inches from yours and your heart speeds up again – and so does the machine, which has him backing away from you, shifting his focus to the erratically beeping machine and your curse yourself for not being able to control yourself in this moment.
"Are you hurt?" He asks, his voice soft and full of concern and suddenly, you never want him to stop talking, never want to stop hearing that voice.
Your eyes focus on his and for a moment, you get lost, you get lost in the feeling that everything is okay, that you can do this. You forget about the pain in your chest, the dull ache in your head, you forget about that fact that someone tried to kill you, that you died twice. You forget about everything and that's what he does to you, he makes you forget, because with him, you know everything will be okay.
You realize he's staring at you, concern clear on his face and you remember he asked a question.
"I'm fine." You manage to get out before you're taken over by a coughing fit, your throat is too dry, too scratchy, you need water.
He's there in an instant of course, holding an ice chip to your lips and you close your eyes as you accept it, allowing it to cool your mouth, to take the sour taste of something out of your mouth and then he's feeding you another and another until you can talk without almost choking.
God, you love him.
And he loves you.
You settle back in the bed and allow yourself the pleasure to just stare at him, to take in all that you've noticed over all the years, but that you've never fully appreciated.
He smiles at you and you feel your heart warm, you feel your entire body come alive with something you've only ever felt when he was around, when he smiled, when he laughed, when he accidentally brushed your fingers with his or when he stood too close and you could smell his scent.
His smile falters and you want to reach out and smooth those worry lines that have appeared over his brow, but he's looking at you in curiosity and tilts his head, as if he's fighting with the decision to speak or not.
"Castle." You whisper.
He looks up at you and those blue eyes of his, that you didn't think could get any better are suddenly warmer, softer and in some way deeper and you can't remember what you were going to say.
"Kate," He begins slowly and he shifts, reaching for your hand, "Do you remember last night?" He asks, his eyes on your face, but not meeting your eyes.
Oh Castle.
You lace your fingers with his and watch your intertwined hands for a moment before looking back up at him, watching him watch your hands. His thumb begins to trace circles on the back of your hand and you can't control the slight shiver that runs through your body.
"You love me."
His eyes snap up with her words, his eyes wide and unsure still.
"I broke out of the hospital, I came to your loft, because I remembered." You continue, not allowing yourself to look away from those eyes, with excitement and hope shining in them.
He chuckles, "You know, you are going to have to tell me how you broke out of the hospital, how you got past Ryan and Esposito."
You shrug, "Technicalities."
He laughed again and you store it away in your memory, the sound of his laugh, was just as powerful as a touch from him.
God, what has he done to you?
Your eyes fall to your still joined hands, his thumb slowly stroking your hand, the steady beep of the heart monitor the only sound in the room and you're grateful to hear it as you're sure he is, because you know for sure that you are alive, that you beat the odds and you came back.
"I love you too." You whisper, before you could talk yourself out of saying the words that you knew he was waiting to hear, that you knew you've wanted to say for the longest while.
He slowly looks up at you, with that big grin on his face and you just want to -
You couldn't finish the thought, because as usual, he read your mind and he is kissing you. He's soft and warm and gentle, not what you imagined your first kiss would be like, but then again, you and him were never ones for doing what was expected.
Your fingers thread through the hair at the back of his head in an attempt to bring him closer, you want to get lost in him, you want to forget some more, you just don't want him to stop.
He presses into you, pushes you against the pillows, careful not to hurt you, always so careful.
Your hand rests on his chest, fingers curling into his shirt. You can feel his heart under your hands, it's racing and you register that there's a loud incessant beeping in the background and you realize that it's your own, being broadcasted to the entire floor that your heart is racing.
Castle is kissing you and your heart is racing, like a teenager.
His hand comes up to cup your cheek and he's slowing it down, pulling away and you chase after him, not wanting to let him go, but you can't move like he can without hurting yourself and he's back in his chair, grinning at you.
His hair is mused, his face is flushed and his shirt is crushed and you imagine you look no different. You take a deep breath, surprised that a nurse hadn't come rushing in when your heart monitor took off, but glad still that your moment wasn't interrupted.
He takes your hands in his again and brings them to his lips, kissing them each ever so softly.
"So, does this mean?" He speaks, his voice lower than before.
You nod, squeezing his hands, not trusting your voice right now.
He grins again, making you melt, making you want him to come right back over here so you can kiss him senseless, but it's this moment the door opens.
He moved to release your hands and you know why, but you just hold on as both your heads turn in the direction of the door, watching as Lanie, Esposito and Ryan enter the room.
"Are we interrupting anything?" Lanie asks knowingly, she glances at you and you know there's not hiding what you're feeling, you know it's plain on your face and although Ryan and Esposito might miss it, Lanie won't and she doesn't.
She sends a wink your way and continues into the room, eyeing your joint hands with a raised eyebrow. You know she will bother you later, ask you for details, details you don't really have … yet.
You push those thoughts from your mind as your friends settle in the room, firing questions one after the other, laughing and joking around as usual. You glance every now and then at Castle, who is mostly staring at you and suddenly you feel happy.
You feel happy and safe and loved.
You feel like a weight has been lifted, you feel satisfied and excited, you feel like you can do anything.
He loves you and you love him.
You feel happy.
End A/N: Writing in 2nd person takes concentration, so if you see me writing in 3rd person at any time, just leave a review so I can fix it, thanks