Summary: A/U, This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.
ThanX go out to my eXcellent Beta AE ;)
Disclaimer: "Kick it in the Ass!"
'Ready' by Kelly Clarkson
Frozen, forgetful again
The part where I lose my head
The scene where I'm supposed to speak, but instead..
I sit and listen again
I'm stuck with these cards, I guess
Leaping from this cliff in my thoughts
I fly like the stones in my heart
Drowning in doubt for what reason?
I sit so patiently
Drenched in what you want me to be
I can't escape
[CHORUS:]
I'm ready now
Oh, I'm ready now
Oh, oh, I'm ready now
Come get me
'Maybe'--by Agent Addek
'Ready'
"Derek are you there? Derek?" She called out frantically. She needed to know if he had heard her. It seemed like so much time had elapsed since she had told him but it had only been a few seconds...he finally responded.
"I'm here." He replied simply.
"Did you hear what I said?" She asked puzzled.
"I did. I did...I'm just...I don't know what to say Addie. A minute ago, my stomach was in knots just at thought of you having a child with someone else, and now...learning that the child you're carrying is my child, our child...my stomach is still in knots." He stated honestly.
"I know this is quite the shock Derek...believe me, I was stunned as well. Look, I don't know what to say or do, I just know that I needed to tell you. I'm still trying to figure this out myself."
"When did you find out?" He said as a question not an accusation.
"I just found out an hour ago. Naomi ran a urine and blood test. Urine was positive, but I won't have the results of the blood test 'til tomorrow, but after the ultravaginal exam there's no doubt, I'm six weeks in."
"So that night..."
"Yeah, that night."
"Shit Addison, I'm at a loss for words here. I don't know what the right thing to say or do is. This is just so unexpected..."
"I know Derek, I know. You don't have to say or do anything, today or on any day for that matter, but if you want to talk things through, I'd be more than happy to. I'm not expecting anything from you, I hope you know that."
"Look Addie, I'm still be processing this, but you need to know that I'll be there for our baby. I just have to figure things out...can I see you?, can we talk in person?"
"Yeah, I think that's a great idea, but there's one more thing uhh...it's a delicate pregnancy Derek, so I can't do anything too strenuous. You'd have to come here." She said apprehensively.
Derek paused and thought to himself for a few moments, 'delicate pregnancy?' "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He asked worriedly.
"I am, and so is the baby, for now....I think it's best if we talk in person though. I can better explain it to you then." She was physically shaking, she needed to get off the phone she didn't want to stay on long enough to find out what he would say when it finally hit him. "I should probably go...so just call me and let me know when you'll be coming in. Goodnight Derek."
"Oh...okay. Uhmmm...goodnight Addison."
As she hung up the phone, her hands began to tremble. She did it! She'd actually mustered up the courage and called him. Addison had no idea what he was thinking, he probably wasn't. He did say he was still trying to process. What the hell had she gotten herself into?! Why did she always manage to make things a lot more complicated than they needed to be? She went to put away her dinner that she no longer had the appetite for, and then made her way up to her bedroom. Addison needed to think...what was she going to do? What did she expect Derek to do? He had a life in Seattle, he's probably still dating that nurse, how would this work? So many different questions were running through her mind, but she couldn't think of them tonight. She was not supposed to stress, her baby depended on it.
Addison touched her hand to her flat stomach. Her baby. She loved the sound of that! She was going to be someone's mommy. She didn't know how long it took for someone's maternal instincts to kick in, but she was already feeling like a warrior, ready to go to battle for her unborn child. Addison knew that she would do whatever needed to be done in order to insure this baby, hers and Derek's baby, would come into this world. She smiled softly, then closed her eyes and tried to drift off into sleep.
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Derek sat in his truck, still dumbfounded. He had just received the most shocking and thrilling news. He was going to be a father! He and Addison were going to be parents. Just when he thought everything was going to go a certain way, he was being thrown this amazing and terrifying curve ball. Derek couldn't help but smile. Soon a little person with the perfect blend of he and Addison would be coming into this world. Would it be a little boy?..that he could teach how to play catch, that he could go fishing with, a son to carry on his name. Or would it be a little girl?...that would be the apple of his eye, that would be his little princess, one that he would spoil and never turn down a single whim to. Derek couldn't deny that he was completely overcome with joy, he felt like laughing, crying, and telling everyone that he was the happiest man in the world at this very moment. The ringing of his cellphone brought him out of his elated state. He reached for his phone and suddenly the smile that colored his face was gone. "Shit! Meredith."
With the news that Addison had just given him, he had completely forgotten that he had left Meredith back at the trailer while he went to break things off with Rose. What the hell was he going to tell her? He had to pick up or she would probably worry. The phone rang a few more times, he took a deep breath then picked up. "Hello?"
"Derek, where are you?"
"I'm on my way to the hospital, I told you...I had to see Rose."
"I know, it's just been a while...I thought you'd be on your way back."
"Meredith, I had to stop and think of how I was going to tell her. I couldn't just walk up to her and blurt it out, that would be insensitive. Look, I'm about to get on the ferry to go over. Why don't you go home and I'll come by later?" He knew that she would not be happy. She had finally gone out on a limb, and now he had not only broken the moment, but he was also going to have to find a way to tell her that he and his ex-wife were expecting a child. He pinched the bridge of his nose when he heard her annoyed sigh.
"Fine. I'll see you later." She said, then abruptly hung up.
He couldn't blame her for being angry and frustrated. She was taking a huge leap for him and he had just let her down. Derek needed to think, he still needed to process everything...but he couldn't make any definite decisions until he spoke with Addison. He had to fly out to Los Angeles. He needed to know how it was all going to work out, that was definitely his first concern. He would have to deal with Meredith and Rose later. He flinched. He knew that his leaving would be a bit abrupt, but he couldn't help it. He needed to get to Addison. He needed to make sure that she was okay and that their baby was okay. Derek realized that he and Addie were no longer together, but that didn't take away from that fact that he still deeply cared about her and felt a responsibility to her. If he told Meredith now, she wouldn't understand, and any progress that they may have made would be shot to hell. With Rose...well, she didn't need to know either. All she needed to know, was that it was over...and that he was sorry for stringing her along.
Derek started the ignition and turned back onto the road. He couldn't deal with Rose or Meredith tonight, they both would have to wait. He reached for his cellphone and dialed a familiar number. It rang a couple of times and then a strong voice with a hint of timber answered.
"Weber."
"Chief, it's Derek."
"Shepherd, what are you doing calling me so late? Is everything okay?"
"No...I mean yes, everything's fine. I just...well, I need a few days off. There's something I need to do."
"What? Derek what are you talking about? You can't just take a few days without any notice, you have several operations lined up this week. Have you lost your mind?"
"Richard, I have to go." Derek didn't want to tell him the reason why, but he knew Richard...he wouldn't let him go without good reason. As much as Richard tried not to play favorites, he had always had a soft spot for Addison. "It's Addison. She needs me."
"What? Is she okay? What's wrong with her?" Richard asked with concern.
"She's fine, or as well as can be expected I suppose. She's pregnant." He'd finally said it out loud to someone other than himself...it was now officially real. "I'm going to be a father."
Richard was floored. Addison was pregnant! His Addie and his brainless neurosurgeon were having a baby.
"Are you for real? Derek, I don't even know what to ask? I...wait...didn't...?"
"We spent the night together when she was here for that consult, almost 2 months ago. She's about six weeks in, and apparently, it's a delicate pregnancy. I have to go see her, she can't stress too much. I need to go see her so that we can figure things out. I'm asking you as a friend to let me take a few days."
"Go and see her. Make sure she's okay and that she's taking care of herself. Don't worry about anything else, I'll take care of rescheduling your surgeries. Can you...can you please give her my best? Tell her I said congratulations and that I miss her."
"I will. Thank you Chief. I'm going to fly out on the first flight I find tomorrow morning. I shouldn't take more than a couple of days."
"Take all the time you need. Just make sure Addie has what she needs. And Derek...?"
"Yeah Chief?"
"Congratulations!"
"Thank you." He answered with a proud smile. He flipped the phone and threw it on the seat next to him and kept driving. He had to get home to get his things ready, he needed to get LA.
He arrived at the trailer and quickly exited his car. As he rushed in, he came to a halt and turned to the clearing where Meredith had placed all the candles. They were no longer lit, but they were all still there. Derek felt guilty for leaving her and then asking her to go home, but what else could he do? If he told her, she wouldn't understand...and if she did and asked questions, he wouldn't know how to answer them. How could he answer anything until he saw Addison?
Derek unlocked the door and walked in. It suddenly hit him how small and cramped the trailer was, he really needed more room. Where would the baby sleep? This place was not ideal for a newborn, let alone a baby crawling around. He had to get a house. He should probably call his contractor and start building, they only had about 8 months before his little girl or little boy would be coming into this world. He stopped and smiled, and then couldn't help but laugh a bit. He was already making plans for their child and he still had no idea what Addison had decided.
He couldn't just assume that she would be moving back to Seattle, but then, who would be there to help her? Was she seeing anyone? If she was, would she be ending that relationship? She would have to right? Addison couldn't very well be carrying their baby and have another man in her life, could she? He chided himself. It wasn't fair that he was already making plans to run her life. It was her life after all, but she had to know that he would be uncomfortable with it. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to worry about that.
He began rummaging through some cabinets and found the bags that he was looking for, then he started digging through his closet and drawers. Derek managed to find everything he needed. He packed some extra clothing because he didn't know how long he would be there. He wanted to be prepared to stay for as long as Addison needed him. He grabbed his laptop, opened it up and turned it on. He waited for it to load and was growing impatient. He was anxious to book the ticket. He needed to book the ticket before he changed his mind. It's not that he didn't want to go, it's that he was afraid of what was coming...would he have a say in anything? Derek typed in his favorite airline and waited for the window to open. He recognized the familiar red and blue letters and began his search. It didn't take him long to find a flight. He found one that left at 9:45 the next morning which would give him plenty of time to get to the airport, park his car in their garage and get to his gate. He booked it, then closed the laptop and set it aside.
Should he call her and let her know that he was on his way? Nah, she said she was going to try and sleep, he shouldn't wake her. She needed all the rest that she could get, after all she was carrying baby Shepherd. Baby Shepherd...just thinking about the baby brought a smile to his face. He could see it clearly...him standing behind the glass window looking through it to find his baby, their baby, with the I.D. bracelet that read Baby Shepherd around its tiny little wrist. He wondered how Addison looked...was she showing? Probably not, she's only 6 weeks in and she has a very fit body, so she probably wouldn't show for at least 3-4 more months. Was she glowing? Was she having cravings? Morning sickness? Wow, he was going to miss out on a lot! Anytime that he had pictured he and Addie having children, he was always by her side...attending to her every craving, massaging her feet after a long day, cooking for her, going to her appointments. His face was crestfallen. He would be missing out on some of the most important moments that Addison would be going through with their baby. He slumped down further on the bed and then leaned over and turned off the lights. Derek laid his head back on his pillow and stared blankly at the ceiling. Things had taken such a turn in the past few years and he hadn't even realized when it happened. Why is it that he was able to forgive Mark and start building their friendship, but he wasn't able to do that with Addie? He had loved her. Hell, he still loved her! That night that they were together, he had made love to her, but he had chosen not to stop her from leaving and had decided to move on. He was sure that that night was closure for her as well. She had moved on with her life too, but now fate was bringing them back together again. Should he see that as a sign? So many scenarios were running through his mind, but he knew he wouldn't be getting any answers tonight. He forced himself to stop thinking about the 1,000 different questions and he tried to sleep. He had an early day tomorrow.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The morning sunlight was sneaking in through her drawn curtains. She pouted when she felt the light tickle her eyelids. She knew that she had to get up since her alarm was about go off. Without opening her eyes, she slid her legs out from under her comfortable fluffy comforter, swung her legs to the side of the bed, and tried to find her slippers with the tip of her toes. She slowly sat up, then opened her eyes, and smiled. It was real...she could feel the difference. She was now carrying a little person inside of her, a combination of her and Derek. Addison got up from bed and walked up to her closet. She had to find the perfect outfit to fit her happy mood today. She wanted something soft and flowy. She had never been too girly...all of her outfits had been sleek and sophisticated, but ever since she had moved to LA, her style had become more relaxed. Still sophisticated, but with an LA flare. She went through most of her clothing until she saw it there in the back of her closet. It still had all the tags because she had just purchased it a couple of weeks before. It had been an impulsive buy. She hadn't even known if she could get away with the color, but it had called to her. Addison reached for the lime colored, cap sleeved, deep vee neckline dress and pulled it out and then went straight to the mirror. She put it over her camisole and liked what she saw. It was a flouncy and girly dress, exactly what she had wanted. Plus, it was a Zac Posen...one of her favorite designers. She felt giddy and completely happy with her choice. All she needed now was a pair of strappy heels and she'd be all set. She looked through her extensive collection of shoes and found just the pair. Then it dawned on her...she couldn't very well be wearing 4 inch heels...not after knowing that she was pregnant. As much as she loved them, they would take a toll on her back. So she went back to the drawing board and looked through her flats collection. Not that she had many, she had a few pairs but none of them caught her eye. She kept looking and then found just the pair. They weren't flats, but they weren't 4 inch heels either. They met right in the middle. She leaned down and picked her old faithful Manolo Blahnik that she had worn before with the goldtone snakeskin thong. She grabbed them, pleased with her findings, and then she tossed the items onto her bed and headed to take a shower. She quickly showered, dressed, and gave herself a once over before she headed for the office.
Addison walked into the practice with an extra bounce in her step. Pete, who was leaving something with Dell, noticed her exit the elevator.
"Good morning Pete, Dell." She said with a smile and then continued to her office.
Pete and Dell were dumbfounded. There was something different about her.
"She looks good." Dell offered.
"She always looks good." Pete replied. "Something's different." Dell shrugged and turned back to his work while Pete continued to watch her as she settled in her office. Then it hit him...she looked happy, really happy.
Addison set her purse down, adjusted a few things on her desk, and then walked towards the lounge. Even though she'd had some juice and a banana nut muffin before she left home, she still felt hungry. As soon as she walked in, she overheard Naomi and Violet talking about her. She cleared her throat, "I hope you're only saying good things about me?" She teased with a slight grin.
"Addison, what are you doing here? You should have taken the day off." Naomi said as she walked towards her.
"Morning to you too. Look, I'm pregnant, not sick. I thought I'd come and see a couple of patients. Plus, Kevin's meeting me for lunch, so..."
"Oh, are you telling him?"
"I have to Nai, he'll figure it out sooner or later. I just don't know how to tell him. Is it even fair to put him in that situation? We just started dating and now I'm gonna tell him that I'm pregnant, but it's not even his...it's my ex-husband's, who I slept with before we got serious. Violet, you're really quiet...what do you think?"
Violet, who was still standing by the sink watching their exchange, turned to her. "I think...I think you look really good today, did you do something different?" She laughed at herself a little, "I'm sorry, it's just that you're...I don't know...glowing."
"Really, you think so?" Addison asked as she looked down at herself and ran her hands down the front of her dress.
"Yeah, you do look different Addie...must be the fact that now you know that you're having a baby." Naomi said as she looked at her with a slight grin.
"Who's having a baby?" Both Cooper and Sam said in unison as they walked into the lounge.
Addison looked from Naomi to Violet. "They're gonna find out eventually you might as well tell them." Violet offered.
Addison turned to both of them, "I'm pregnant." She simply stated.
Cooper immediately went up to her and embraced her, "Congratulations Addison." Sam just stood back watching Addison with a curious stare. "Sam?" Naomi questioned.
Sam continued to watch Addison and waited for Cooper to step away, then walked up to her. "Congratulations Addie." He said with a genuine smile and then embraced her tightly. "Whatever you need, I'm here."
Addison understood, "Thank you Sam. Thank you."
Naomi watched her ex-husband and her best friend curiously. Then it dawned on her...Sam had always been very protective of Addison. She was like a little sister to him even though they were only a year apart. When they all used to hang out together back in med school, and Archer wasn't around, Sam was her surrogate brother. Now his little sister was having a baby and his protective instinct had kicked in. She looked at both of them and then smiled.
"What's with all the mushy hugging in here?" Pete questioned as he walked in. Violet and Cooper both waved and headed out while Sam and Naomi were still crowded around Addison.
"I'm pregnant."
Pete was floored, that was definitely not the answer that he was expecting. He smirked, "I knew there was something different about you, you're glowing." He stated "You look beautiful Addison" he said wistfully. "You and Kevin must be so thrilled. Congratulations."
"Yeah." She whispered as she averted her eyes to her hands. It went unnoticed by Pete, but Sam caught it and raised an inquiring eyebrow. Pete left, and only Naomi, Sam and Addison were left.
"Okay, what's going on?" Sam questioned with concern.
"Nothing Sam, why would you ask that?" Naomi said nonchalantly. .
"Yeah, I don't buy that for a second. You have that 'Lucy and Ethel' vibe going on. Addison?"
"I'm telling Kevin today. I only found out last night and I couldn't tell him this over the phone, I had to..."
"Of course you couldn't, that man needs you to tell him face to face that he's going to be a father. Look Addison, I know that you may be worried about his reaction since you've only been dating him for a short amount of time, but give the man a chance, he might surprise you..."
"It's not that Sam, it's just that...it's just that he isn't the father."
Sam was floored. If Kevin wasn't the father then who was? No, it couldn't be, could it? "Addison, I thought that you and Pete had decided not to go there? Wait, you just told him that you were pregnant and he didn't even flinch! How could he just walk away to go to work like that?! I'm gonna go..."
"Sam!!" Addison said loudly to get his attention. Sam turned his attention back to her. "Pete's not the father, and you're right, we decided not to go there."
"Then who is?" He asked confused. As far as he knew, she had only been on a handful of dates, and her first real relationship since she moved here, had been with Kevin.
"Derek. Derek is the father."
Now that he didn't expect to hear. When? How? Well obviously he knew how, but when? He looked a little at a loss, so Addison answered his unspoken questions.
"When I went to Seattle for that consult a month and a half ago, we saw each other and talked and...well you know...and now I'm pregnant."
"Does he know?"
"Yeah, he does. I called him and told him last night." This got Naomi's attention.
"You called him after I left?" She asked.
"Yes. I couldn't not tell him...and if I didn't tell him last night, I was afraid I would lose my nerve. So I called him."
"What did he say?" Both Sam and Naomi asked in unison.
"He was shocked to say the least, but I don't know...I couldn't really tell if he was happy?, excited?, disappointed? I didn't stay with him on the phone long enough to find out, but he said he would be flying out here to talk so..."
"When is he coming?" Naomi questioned curiously.
"I don't know...he didn't say. I assume soon...I'm guessing he'll call me." She shrugged. "Look, I have to go get ready for my patient, but uhmmm...I'll see you at noon Nai?" She smiled at them and then turned to walk out. Sam and Naomi just stared after her, "Nothing is ever easy for them, is it?" Sam questioned out loud. Naomi chuckled, "They wouldn't be Addison and Derek if it was."
The day seemed to pass rather quickly. It had been a pretty hectic day, but she had still kept an eye out for Addison. She needed to make sure that she wasn't over doing it. She trusted that Addison would take care of herself, but it didn't make her worry any less. This was going to be a difficult pregnancy for her best friend. She would have to fight for this baby every step of the way.
Naomi was startled out of her thoughts by a knock at her door. Dell's head peaked in. "Naomi, these results just arrived for you." He said as he handed them over to her.
"Thank you Dell. Hey, is Addison still with her patient?"
"Yeah, but she should be finishing up soon. It's her last patient for the day."
She nodded and then sat back down. She ripped opened the side of the envelope and then slid the test results out. She no longer needed verification, but it was there in black and white. Addison was indeed pregnant. Naomi read through the results just to make sure there wasn't anything abnormal, then paused when she noticed something. She flipped a few pages ahead and then back again. It couldn't be possible. Addison's tests were showing high levels of HCG. High levels at the beginning of a pregnancy were normal, they usually double every 48 hours, but this rise could be a problem. She was beginning to worry. Naomi looked up when she heard someone walking in, it was Addison.
"I'm finally done." She said as she flopped down onto the chair, her dress slightly bouncing. "I'm so exhausted and starving." She stated as she turned her attention to Naomi.
Addison could see the worry in her friend's eyes. "Naomi, what's wrong?" She asked with concern.
"Nothing Addie. I just...okay, please don't worry. Promise me you won't worry?"
Addison could feel the panic in her rising and her brow creased in worry, "Nai, what's going on?"
"Addison, it's probably nothing. I just got your blood work back and there's some high levels of HCG. They're too high and I just want to perform an ultrasound again to make sure I didn't miss anything." She stated reassuringly.
"High HCG levels? What? Nai are you telling me there's a strong possibility I'll miscarry?" Addison asked on the verge of tears.
"Addison, please calm down. This panic and stress that you're feeling right now is not good. Please just breathe and calm down. That's why I want to do another ultrasound. I just want to make sure nothing was missed last night, or that we didn't have a faulty machine. Aside from the high HCG levels, there's nothing else abnormal in your blood work, which is good Addie. I'm going to call St. Ambrose and call in a favor with Charlotte so that I can perform the exam there. Okay?"
Addison had relaxed a little, but still felt on edge about the blood results. She was so afraid that her worst fears were coming true. She wiped a few tears away from her face and then nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I'm going to go get my things and then I'll meet you in the reception area." She stated as she quickly stood. She wanted to find out as soon as possible, but then she waivered when she felt a bit dizzy.
"Woah there, you okay?" Naomi said as she rushed to Addison's side.
"I'm fine Nai, I just got up too quickly." She offered her an reassuring smile and then she left. Naomi watched her go and then picked up the phone to call Charlotte.
Addison could feel the nausea building up in the pit of her stomach. What if she lost this baby? This baby, that by all accounts should not have been conceived, but was. This beautiful little miracle that would tie her and Derek together for the rest of their lives. What if it wasn't meant to be? She swiftly walked to her office, completely oblivious to the familiar man waiting for her inside.
He stood as soon as he noticed her approaching, but she hadn't noticed him. Derek was taken aback, she looked absolutely breathtaking. He had always thought of her as beautiful, but seeing her now, he was easily and instantly reminded of how gorgeous she was. Plus, she was glowing. His admiration turned to worry when he realized that she seemed a bit off. He noticed that her shoulders were slumped in defeat and that her face was downcast, towards the floor that she walked on. Something was wrong. She always walked with perfect posture, always looked at the people that walked by her, so that she could greet them with her warm smile...but not in this moment...something was wrong. He felt a nagging feeling in his chest. He called out her name, "Addie?" He said softly.
She looked up when she recognized his voice. "Derek?" She said in shock. Then relief washed over her and she almost ran to him. He quickly embraced her, completely enveloping her in his arms. Addison adjusted herself on his chest, trying to find that familiar comfort and safeness. Derek could feel her trembling in his arms. "Addie?" He repeated her name again. He reached up with one hand to touch her chin and brought her face to meet him. She attempted to stop her lips from quivering, but she was losing that battle. He could see the tears that she had shed and the ones that were still waiting to spill.
"Derek, I'm so glad that you're here. I don't know if I can do this alone." She cried.
"Addie look at me. What's going on?" His voice tinged with dread.
"The baby. Something's wrong with the baby."
Derek felt like someone had punched him. He felt the walls in her office closing in and he could feel his heart beating rapidly. How could things change so quickly?! One day he'd felt like he was on top of the world...he had found out that he was going to father, and now...that seemed like it was going to be stripped away from him! He had been ready for this, even with the doubts and the questions regarding the baby, he was ready. Derek continued to embrace and caress Addison, trying to comfort her. They stood in the middle of the floor as she desperately clutched him, neither aware that they had an audience.
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Okay, well there you have it. I know it took me over 2 months to update and I suck I know, but there it is. I hope you all like it.
Please REVIEW!!! :D:D
(Reviews are like Squees :D )
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Health Topics Pregnancy Abnormal Results:
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Fearless with cape in hand
Conquer what I need to, to mend
Little girls get so broken
But I sit so patiently
Drenched in what you want me to be
I can't see to escape
[CHORUS:]
I'm ready now
Oh, I'm ready now
Oh, oh, I'm ready now
Come get me
Through with golden roads and perfect love
Too much of your mouth is like too much sun
How I burn, how I burn
I was so patient waiting for my turn
I fly like stone as I break every bone
Come get me
[CHORUS:]
I'm ready now
Oh, I'm ready now
Oh, oh, I'm ready now
Come get me
[CHORUS:]
I'm ready now
Oh, I'm ready now
Oh, oh, I'm ready now
Come get me