Hello! I know, I suck. I told you I would update this forever ago and I never did. This is an extra long chapter to make it up to you
Enjoy and review, I love your reviews! :)
"You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past."
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
Chuck and Serena's apartment:
Serena stared at the reflection her mirror drew. She was satisfied with what she saw. For their crucial evening Serena had selected a long dress with a mermaid shape, the color was an intense gold with some sparkles that underlined her long, lightly curled and free hair. She had complemented it with lapis lazuli earrings and necklace that underlined the blue of her eyes. Her Jimmy Cho's were as good as you can fin them and a delicate clock bracelet went around her tiny wrist. Her make up was very light, trying to portray a nude beauty kind of look. She was waiting patiently for Chuck as he had been working all day. Their big moment had come and she knew it wouldn't be a fun one but, after last night, she didn't really care. A soft whistle behind her interrupted her thoughts.
"There she is, the most beautiful girl of the Upper East Side. Be careful, you're going to blind them with so much light."
Serena turned around to see a dashing Chuck looking at her. Tonight he hadn't chosen some kind of extrambotic fabric as he usually does; he had gone for an all black look. Black pants, black shirt, black jacket with no tie or anything. His black hair had been styled in a messy way with gel and his eyes looked as feline as ever, the black pools he had for eyes were absorbing Serena's light. She found herself drowning in that man, she had never be one for black but she had never desired a man as much as she did now. He screamed power, he screamed sex, he screamed depth and no one would ever take her back to the good way; if hell had that kind of creature, she'll gladly take residence down there.
"Says the most irresistible bachelor of the Upper East Side."
Chuck smiled, a true smile; not a smirk, not a wicked invitation but a smile.
"Well, I won't be a bachelor for long, will I?"
Chuck approached Serena as he was walking on silk and took her hand in his to reassure her.
"You can still back off you know."
"I'd never be able to back off from you."
Electricity went through them as their eyes communicated with each other. "I am by your side", "Don't worry", "I am sure of this", "I want this", "We're stronger than them" and, over all, "You'll never be alone again as long as I breathe." All the things they craved to say but couldn't say, didn't know how to say, didn't have time to say them, couldn't find words powerful enough to portray them. This thing they had, thought Chuck, was starting to look a lot like love.
He kissed her lightly on the lips in order not to ruin her makeup, and lead her outside their apartment towards the limo that was waiting for them.
At the ball:
"Blair Waldorf and lonely boy make their first official appearance as a couple on the Upper East Side scene. As much as we love the Brooklyn intellectual touch Blair, we have to say it doesn't come off as powerful as Chair.
XOXO, Gossip Girl."
Blair stuffed her phone in her bag. They were perfect. She was wearing a beautiful red dress that fell to her feet, her chestnut hair was arranged in an elegant chignon and her light makeup underlined her ruby lips while white pearls decorated her neck. Dan had made an effort, his classical smoking looked very good on him and they made a beautiful couple. Her mother had congratulated them but, Blair could feel, something was off as she did. Dan was a good boy, a smart and kind boy who would support her in her career. Her mother should be happy, all the Upper East Side should be happy. Instead, the only thing she heard all day long is "Your love for Chuck...", "Chair was so much more...", "How could you? It was true love." She couldn't take it anymore. What did people know anyway? Chuck and her hurt each other, that's the only thing they did. They are true self-destructive people who are a danger to each other. Why couldn't anybody see it?
"Baby, don't care about what Gossip Girl says. We're happy together."
Blair looked at her boyfriend and smiled, he was right. He should stop calling her baby nevertheless, it sounded so rural middle class America. Chuck always called her darling, dear, Waldorf but baby? Never would he call her baby. But this wasn't Chuck Bass, it was Dan Humphrey and he was America middle class. Blair sighed and swore to herself to not think about Chuck anymore. That was until she heard her boyfriend cursing.
"What the hell..."
When Blair looked in the same direction as him she went through shock shell. Chuck Bass and Serena Van der Woodsen descending the stairs together, their arms intertwined, exchanging longing looks and shy smiles. For the longest part of her life Blair had thought feared seeing Nate and Serena, she had dreaded that image as if it was hell came true. Now she knew better because this one hurt the hell of a lot more.
Whispers were heard each step they took, then the phones in the room started to ring.
"COUPLE ALERT. Chuck Bass and Serena Van der Woodsen. Where do I begin? This has to be the most powerful couple ever. I'll be on it fellows.
XOXO, Gossip Girl."
Chuck snorted at the message and, after what felt like an eternity; they finally arrived at the end of the stairs. A furious Lily and an amused Jack greeted them.
"I have to admit nephew, you know how to choose your women."
If only Chuck could wipe off that stupid smirk of his.
"Tell me it's not what I'm thinking. Serena, tell me!"
"Chuck and I, we're a couple mom."
Lily began to laugh hysterically. It couldn't be true, this couldn't happen to her.
"You are siblings."
"We don't share the same blood mom."
"You hated each other! You were disgusted by him not so many years ago!"
"Then we became siblings and learned to know each other. Look, I'm not going to justify myself mother, I don't know how we arrived at this place but we did."
"I swear to god..."
Chuck dropped Serena's arm and stood just a step away from Lily.
"Enough. This is a Bass Industries' ball. It's a work event so I am not going to let you make a scandal. I am deeply sorry this new are so unsettling to you but you'll have to behave as the adult you are until the ball is over then you can shriek at us as much as you like."
"This is a betrayal Chuck. I loved you like my own son, like no one has ever done and you pay me like that."
Serena knew how hurtful those words were to Chuck. She had to stop it.
"Enough mom, let's go somewhere more private then we'll talk."
Without giving her mother the chance to argue, Serena left in direction to the balcony with Lily following her close behind.
Chuck sighed, that was the worst beginning they could have had.
"We have work, move on."
For once in his life he knew she had to listen to Jack and he did so.
With Lily and Serena:
"How could you?"
"How could I what mom? I am not the one who broke up with the man she loved because he lives in Brooklyn. I am not the one who married Bart because he was a powerful man."
Lily's hand landed painfully on Serena's cheek.
"Be as mad as you want mom, I didn't do anything bad and I'm not going to apologize for it."
"End it right now Serena."
"Never."
"Do you have any idea how much this can hurt our image?"
Serena snorted angrily at that.
"Our image? Your image mom, your image is the only thing that had ever mattered to you!"
"Oh shut up! It's not like you're in love with him. I get it Serena: he was hurt because of Blair, you were hurt because of Dan and you fell into each other arms. Pretty conventional darling."
"Maybe it did begin like that but it's way more now."
"Don't tell me you love him Serena."
"Do you know what mom? I think I do. He is everything I'm supposed not to be attracted to but I am. He allows me to be myself unlike Dan who never wholly accepted me, he makes me laugh and he makes me feel secure. I have a place to call home when he's in it. It sounds a lot alike love, doesn't it?"
Lily sighed.
"My poor child. Then I'm more sorry for you than I am for me."
Lilly approached Serena and put a hand on the same cheek she had beat before.
"Serena, do you really think he will ever love you as he loves Blair? You don't destroy that kind of love darling. Doesn't matter how much he wants to, doesn't matter how much he could care for you, he'll never look at you like he looks at her."
Serena knew that what her mother was saying could be right and it scared her to no end but she couldn't go back now, she had made a bet on Chuck Bass and she'd have to fight through the game.
"I'm aware it's a strong possibility mom, but I am going to do everything I can to make it happen."
And the anger in Lily's eyes was replaced with something along the lines of tenderness and compassion. Lily took Serena into her arms and whispered in her ear:
"Don't count on me for this Serena but know that you can come when he breaks your heart."
Then Lily left her in the cold wind of New York, Serena stood there alone and wondering if she had made a mistake.
On the rooftop:
"I've always known where to find you."
Blair's voice forced Chuck to turn around.
"I'd thought maybe we could skip this part."
Blair smiled.
"Is it to hurt me? Is this your own revenge?"
Chuck snorted.
"I'm sorry to disappoint Blair but not all my world revolves around you."
"It's hard to believe when I break your heart and you go running to the arms of the person that would hurt me the most."
"Oh yeah? And why does it hurt you Blair? I thought you were out of love with me and happy with lonely boy. What the hell are you doing here?"
Blair sighed and let her purse fall to the floor.
"I've just realized I'm wearing red which is your favorite color, and those are the earrings you gave to me last Christmas. I am happy with Dan. So I don't know why I'm wearing those things or why I'm here."
Chuck sighed.
"Go back to lonely boy Waldorf."
"Nothing has never hurt me more in my whole life Chuck. Tonight I've realized I could loose you for real, maybe I've already lost you. And I don't know if it's because I'm territorial or because of something more."
"I'm pleading Blair, don't do this."
Blair took a couple of steps forward and looked at him right in the eyes.
"Are you in love with her?"
"I don't know, I feel something strong, that's for sure."
"Are you out of love with me?"
Chuck saw reflected in her honey chocolate pools everything they had gone through, since that fateful night in the limo to her "I'm not in love with you anymore" line. No line has ever devastated him like that one.
"You already know the answer to that. Anyway, you were the one to tell me you weren't in love with me anymore."
"You know how much of a liar I can be Chuck."
"This is not fair Blair."
Blair took his face in her hands and whispered:
"Nothing is fair in love and war."
She kissed him lightly on the lips and they didn't know what it meant.
Back on the balcony:
"Chuck Bass. I would never have thought you'd stood so low Serena."
Serena chuckled.
"You're one to talk Dan. You've spent years stating how superior to all of us you are and you've ended up with Queen B, anyone can see that deep down the only thing you want is to be one of us."
It was Dan's turn to chuckle now.
"Blair and Chuck are not the same and you know it."
"Oh, really? That's what you tell yourself to go to sleep Dan? Blair is as scheming and immoral as Chuck is, they've been a team for years, they've been a couple for years."
"It's not a good idea Serena."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to know how I go to sleep each night? Wondering. Some days I lie to myself just fine but some nights the truth just comes out and I wonder. I wonder how many days will she need to realize her true love is Chuck, I wonder how much time I've got left to live in this fantasy."
Serena looked away, she was getting tired of the conversation.
"It was the same with you, I lived with the fear of the day you would leave me for the Upper East Side."
Serena smiled at Dan before answering:
"It's so funny in the end you were the one to leave me for the Upper East Side, isn't?"
With those words Serena left Dan on the balcony, into the chilly air, thinking about how he and Chuck had ended up sharing the women of their lives.
Back inside the building, with Jack and Barbara
"Our son seems to have become a true man. It's incredible you and your brother didn't mess him up."
Jack had to laugh at that one.
"Oh believe me, he is pretty messed up."
"He's stronger than us."
Jack turned around to face Barbara and looked surprise seeing the regret that washed over her.
"Why do you say that? You've build up a pretty good life."
"Don't you ever think about all the damage we've made to that boy? We abandoned him, we gave him up to your brother who has proved to be Satan's reincarnation, he was told his mother was dead because of him."
Jack sighed; here we go again he thought, women and feelings.
"He's not our son. We were fucking, you got pregnant and we never saw him again. He's nothing to us."
"That's why you don't have any problem ruining his life? You fucked up his relationship with the brunette and now you want to take the company from him."
"I want to take the company from him to protect him. You know why."
"Don't you ever wonder what would have happened if we had kept him?"
Jack looked down for a moment.
"It's a useless thing to do Barbara."
"We did love each other Jack, we could have love him too."
"We were young and they had great plans for us. It was the best thing to do."
Barbara stood up and grabbed her purse. On her way to the exit she added:
"For whom Jack, him? I don't think so."
Then she left the parlor without noticing the tall and beautiful blonde who had been listening through the door.
Serena couldn't believe her ears. It couldn't be possible. It had to be a joke. Jack was Chuck's father? Chuck's mother was alive and in the same building as her son? Serena made a sprint towards the bathroom, evil was very present in the Upper East Side but she had to throw up.
At the ball:
"Chuck."
Chuck turned around to see lonely boy standing in front of him. He sighed, this had to be the last awkward meeting of the day.
"Humphrey, to what do I own the displeasure of talking to you?"
"Don't worry Chuck, it pleases me as much as it please you."
"What do you want?"
"You and Serena?"
"Yes, it looks like this autumn is about surprise couples."
"Is this a revenge?"
"And there it is! I finally found the thing you and Blair have in common, your egos are so big you think the world revolves around you. No Humphrey, I'm not dating Serena because of revenge."
"Maybe she is dating you because of revenge."
Chuck smirked devilishly.
"It's always a possibility although I highly doubt it. Look Humphrey, I already told you this some weeks ago but, for your sake, I will repeat myself: don't dare to hurt her anymore than you already have."
Dan smiled.
"I think now you're the one you should tell that to. Try to not mess up Blair neither if you can."
Then Dan left the room, wondering how on earth two girls could fell for two persons as different as them.
Outside the building:
"Look who's here, the attention whore."
Serena turned around to see Blair looking at her.
"Excuse me?"
"You couldn't let me have the spotlight right? You had to do something bigger than Dan and I first appearance as a couple."
Serena still felt sick at the pit of her stomach.
"Really Blair? You can take your freaking spotlight and fuck him all night long. I never wanted it."
"True. That is what has always been most frustrating about it, that you didn't even need to make the effort. The spotlight was always yours but Chuck, Chuck isn't Serena."
Serena had to snort at that.
"Jealous much Blair?"
Blair laughed in an exaggerated way.
"As much as I've tried to take the spotlight from you I've never truly succeed. Chuck is mine Serena, you won't be able to change that."
"You're the one who proclaimed her undying love for Dan."
"And I'm not even sure he loves me as he loves you."
"Dan doesn't love me anymore."
Blair chuckled.
"Sure he does. He believes we're fit to be together. I am his little fantasy. Do you know what the truth is?"
"Enlighten me."
"Writers always want to be the characters they write. Dan despised Chuck but deep down there is something that attracts him so much in Chuck, he'd love to be like him."
Serena sighed.
"What are you trying to say?"
Blair smiled tiredly.
"I don't know if we can let go."
Blair prepared herself to leave when Serena's voice interrupted her.
"Blair! If you knew something pretty big about someone but it could mess up the person forever, would you tell her?"
"We're not friends anymore Serena. I'm not the person you go for advice anymore."
"Please Blair."
"Do you care for that person?"
"Deeply."
Blair looked at Serena in the eyes before answering:
"Then you protect her. You do whatever it takes to protect her. The question is: do you protect her by saying the truth or by hiding it?"
"How do I know which one?"
Blair smiled at her ex-friend.
"I guess it's about how much you truly know the person you're longing to protect."
Then she was gone.
At Serena and Chuck's apartment:
"Hey Monkey! Hey boy! Good boy."
While Chuck was busy with Monkey's love, Serena let herself fall on the sofa.
The ride to the house had been totally silent, both exhausted and lost in their thoughts.
Chuck soon took place by Serena's side after having given Monkey his dinner.
"We didn't see each other so much tonight."
"Funny, isn't?"
Chuck smiled at her.
"How was your night?"
Chuck looked at her before letting his head fall against her shoulder.
"Horrible. Yours?"
"Worst. Something to share?"
Chuck's mind drifted briefly to his moment with Blair on the rooftop. Was it worth explaining? Would she even understand? After a few seconds of thought, he chose silence. How do you tell something you can't even name?
"Nope. What about you?"
Serena fixed her eyes on his and felt her heart beat going faster. All the way back she had been thinking about Blair's words, what was protecting Chuck? Talking or hiding it? She thought about all the hurt he had went through and how much more hurt the truth would bring. She thought whether she would like to know or not if it was her and the answer became clear.
"Nothing worth telling. Let's get some sleep."
"Secrets on the Upper East Sides. Couples switching can be fun, the question is: have you ended up with the right partner? Ps: you all should know by now that secrets don't stay secrets for long around here. Enjoy the calm after the tempest, you never know when the next one is coming your way.
XOXO, Gossip Girl."
"I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out."
― Ally Carter, Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover