Summary: A/U

This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

ThanX go out to my excellent Beta AE

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

'What You Feel' by Chris Levy

Time and space,

There's a lonely place,

There's no sound,

Just a heart that pounds.

Life's unknown, where's the way back home?

In my mind, there's a silent cry.

What you feel, what you know,

You're not in control.

If you just let it go,

There's a piece you'll know.

Previously on Maybe:

"I understand what it is you want Addie, but I may not be able to give you that. Things are different now...and not just because you're pregnant. Being here with you, even when we've argued, has still been so easy and simple. like it's the most natural thing in the world. With her, it's never been like that...it's a constant battle."

"We weren't always easy Derek, that's why things...happened."

"I know that, but we also stopped trying Addie. we lost each other along the way, but I never stopped loving you. Was I hurt? Absolutely. Did I want to make you pay for the pain that you caused me? Everyday. What I realized, was that I wouldn't have been so hurt and angry if I didn't care so damn much about you! I honestly don't know what's gonna happen when I get back Addie, I just know that whatever it is that's happening with you and these babies, I want to be a part of it. Okay?"

"Okay."

'Maybe' - By Agent Addek

Chapter8: 'What You Feel'

As soon as he touched down in Seattle, he felt the urge to get on a plane and head back to Los Angeles. How had he allowed her to convince him to go back? All he wanted to do was stay and be at her side. He told her he understood, but quite honestly he didn't. He didn't understand how she could want him to run back to the woman that he had left her for. Derek ran his fingers through his hair. What was he going to do? Addison didn't want him to come back until she knew, or felt, that he'd done some adequate soul searching. She was right to be worried. He couldn't blame her for not trusting him after all the damage and pain he'd caused her. He knew she wasn't blameless in all of it, but when she moved out to be with him, she gave it her all. She gave up so much to be with him and all he could give her was nothing but humiliation and pain, and now she was carrying his children. He would thank god everyday that they were born out of a night where they had loved each other. He would have hated himself if this had happened on a night that he had taken her in his arms out of anger and lust, like he had the night that he found Meredith with the vet. Addison deserved so much more than the hand he had dealt her...and now he had to pay his penance.

"Derek?" A familiar friendly voice roused him from his thoughts.

"Mark! It's good to see you! Thanks for coming to get me."

"It's no problem man. I'm parked right over here." He pointed to the car with the flashing lights on the curbside. "So, how was the trip? Did you get to see Addison?"

"I did." Derek replied as he slid into the car and buckled up.

"Well...how is she? Did she say she missed this face?" Mark gave Derek his best toothy grin.

"She's good. She's happy...she lives on the beach you know."

"Does she? Always the best views for Addie."

"Yeah...Mark?"

"What's up? Oh, do you want to stop by Joe's and grab something to eat?, or do you want me to drop you off at your place? By the way, call Meredith will ya, she's been on me since you left. Like I'm your keeper."

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Shoot."

"Addison's pregnant." Mark braked abruptly.

"Dude! You can't just spring that on a guy while he's driving!"

"I'm sorry! Just pull over!"

Mark quickly found somewhere to pull over and parked. "She's pregnant." He said it slowly, letting it sink in. He never knew how much it would actually hurt finding out that she was pregnant and knowing it wasn't his. "Who's the lucky bastard?" He found the nerve to ask.

"Me." Derek said matter-of-factly.

"What? When? How long have you been back together?"

"It's not like that. When she was in town for that consult, we slept together. She called me a few days ago to tell me the news. We're having twins." He said joyfully. "I'm going to be a father, Mark."

Mark was quiet. he didn't know how to react. Was he happy for his old friend? Of course he was, how could he not be? Just looking at his face he could tell that this was the best news he could have possibly learned. Derek had always wanted to be a father, he'd always wanted children with Addison, but then things went to shit.

"I'm happy for you." Was all he could bring himself to offer. Mark knew he couldn't dwell on this. What happened between him and Addison was in the past. it still hurt like hell, but it was in the past. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Hell if I know. I've got so much to think about. You wanna stop at Joe's for that drink?"

"Yeah I do."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Addie?"

"I'm in the kitchen!" She yelled back. "Hey Sam! To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"

"What, I can't come over to check on my lovely neighbor?"

"Lovely...I like that."

"Do you?"

"I do." She smiled. "What's up?"

"Not much. Just came over to check on you, see how you're doing."

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are."

"What? I am!"

"Addison, I've known you long enough to know that when you say you're fine, it usually means you aren't. So let's have it."

She stared at him for a bit, stubbornly not wanting to admit that he was absolutely right. She wasn't fine, she was anything but fine.

"What if he doesn't come back? What if I have to go through this alone? God! I hate feeling so...argghhhh! I'm sorry. Hormones."

"It's okay, I've dealt with my share of hormonal women. You're afraid that Derek won't be coming back?" She nodded sheepishly. "Addison, that would never happen. The man was stupid enough to let you go once, he won't make the same mistake again."

"How do you know that?"

"Because...I...he wouldn't. if for some god-forsaken reason he is actually stupid enough to walk away again, then you're not alone. You have Nai, Violent, Pete, Cooper and you have...you have me. You'll always have me."

Addison stared into his eyes and felt his honesty. She smiled softly and then sprang into his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, letting her head land on the crook of his neck. At first Sam stiffened, having her in such close proximity made his heart beat just a little faster, but soon he encircled her waist and held her tightly. He turned slightly to take in her scent, 'God she smelled amazing.' They held on to each other for several minutes, Addison appreciating that he had eased her fears and Sam wanting to hold her for as long as he could, just to have her near.

"Addison?" Naomi called out, but then stopped in her tracks.

Sam quickly pulled away, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"What's going on?" She asked, slightly taken aback by Sam's reaction.

"Hey Nai!" Addison replied, completely oblivious to what Sam and Naomi were obviously experiencing. "Nothing. I'm just a little hormonal and insecure and Sam was kind enough to help ease some of my doubts. What's up?"

Naomi looked towards Sam who looked away. she wanted to pursue this, whatever it was, but now wasn't the time. "I just came by to see if you wanted to go out to lunch?"

"Yeah, I would actually. Sam are you joining us?"

"Umm...you know what, I've got some stuff I need to take care of, so you ladies go ahead." He began to make his way out the back, passing Naomi on the way.

"Samuel?" Naomi questioned.

"Not now Nai." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "We'll talk later, okay?"

She nodded in agreement and then watched as he disappeared from the deck.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So you're going to be a father, how does it feel?"

"It feels damn good! I've wanted this for a very long time. Granted, it didn't happen at all how I expected it. I mean, I knew I always wanted children with Addie, I just thought we'd still be married and living in the same state."

"How is this gonna work?"

"I'm gonna be there for whatever she needs. I'll rearrange whatever I have to in order to make every appointment with her."

"Wouldn't that be easier if you lived in the same city?"

"It would, and I told her that, but she insisted that I come back."

"You let her convince you to do that! She's good."

"Yeah, she is."

"Look, I'm gonna stop beating around the bush, are you getting back together?" Mark blurted out. He just wanted to know, rip the band aid off.

"I don't know. I want to, more than anything."

"Would you have wanted to had you not known that she was pregnant?"

"What? Of course I would! I don't just want to be with her because she's pregnant. I'm in love with her, I always have, always will be! It just took me a damn long time to realize it is all."

"I'm sorry, man! I just had to ask. I love Addie, and I don't know what it is that you're doing here with Rose and Meredith, but I just don't want her to get hurt, you know. We've caused her enough pain to last a lifetime, between the both of us."

"I know, but I've made my choice Mark. I'm ending things with Rose and Meredith. I'm done with that. You know, Addie wanted me to come back here and work things out with Meredith. She told me that I needed to sort my feelings out for Mer before I went back to her."

"Did you sleep with her?" Mark questioned with a tinge of jealousy running through him.

"Yes I did. I told her I loved her and she said it back. This is our chance to get back what we lost, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let this opportunity pass us by again. I want her back, I'm fighting for her and our family."

"So what's your next move?"

"I need to talk to Rose, then Meredith."

"Well, I think you've got a shot at talking at least to one of them in about 1, 2, 3 and go!" Mark smiled as he saw the woman approaching them.

"Derek?" Rose called out. Derek turned to look at her. he hadn't returned any of her phone calls and now here she was.

"I'll let you two catch up, I'll be at the bar." Mark winked at Rose and patted Derek on the back for luck.

"Hi." He said, trying to buy some time to get his thoughts together.

"Hi."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." she smiled hesitantly.

"Rose, I'm sorry that I haven't returned any of your calls. I just...I've been busy..."

"Yeah."

"...And I had to fly out on an emergency to LA, I was there for a few days and um..."

"It's fine. I understand...I...you know what? I actually don't. I deserve an explanation or something!"

"You do. I agree. you have every right to be upset. Rose, I..."

"Just say it, get it over with." She said deflated. "I know you want to go back to her. I've seen it, and I've tried to deny it, but I can't anymore. So just tell me."

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

"It doesn't really matter what you wanted, because in the end, you did."

"We need to end this. It has to be over."

"I know. It's been over. you never really gave us a chance."

"Rose, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you said that...but you know what?, It doesn't mean anything." She stood up and gathered her stuff. "Have a good night Dr. Shepherd." With that, she turned and walked away.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naomi sat quietly and watched as Addison ate her food. There was a moment back at Addison's house that was bugging her. She knew that Addison hadn't noticed, but she certainly had, and now she couldn't get that look that had come across Sam's face out of her head.

"Nai? Nai...? Hello! Earth to Nai!" Addison waved her hands in front of Naomi's face. Naomi shook herself out of her trance.

"Sorry, Addie. I completely zoned out." she gave her an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. You just had me worried for a second there. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...I just, there was something wrong with Sam back at your place. Did he say anything to you?"

"Sam? No. I didn't even notice there was anything wrong with him. Honestly, even if there had been, I was so wrapped up in my little pity party that I wouldn't have noticed. I'm sorry."

"No! Don't even worry about it, It's probably nothing. I'm sure I'm just over reacting."

"Are you sure? I can talk to him if you want me to? How are things between you guys by the way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is there progress on that front? I mean, I know you've had great sex, but anything beyond that? Will I be all big and pregnant at your wedding?" She half-teased.

"You're ridiculous you know that? Honestly, I don't know. Things are just what they are, nothing's moving forward. I think we're both just testing the waters right now, we're not trying to rush anything."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do! He's Sam, how can I not?"

"I mean, are you in love with him?" Addison pressed.

"What is this interest in the status of our relationship?" Naomi half-accused, but held back. Addison had no clue as to why Naomi might be feeling a little threatened...Or did she?

"I'm sorry Nai! I didn't mean to pry. I just...you're two of my very dear friends, and I want you both to be happy is all. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have pushed you..." Naomi waved her off, feeling horrible for snapping at her.

"No. Please don't apologize. I'm just a little out of sorts today, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I want that for you as well, which is why I think your idea of sending Derek back to that girl is crazy!"

"Well, there might not be much to worry about."

"What do you mean?" Naomi arched her eyebrow.

"He said that even though I was sending him away, that he wasn't getting back together with her. He was adamant about going back to give me space, but nothing more."

"That's great!"

"I wouldn't get too excited yet...Derek is so indecisive. He'll probably end up in bed with her the moment he sees her."

"Addie!"

"What? I'm just calling it how I see it Nai. He can't bring himself to hurt anyone, and in the end he always ends up hurting everyone. Look, I absolutely adore that man, but I know his flaws. Indecisiveness, and being the good guy, are always his downfalls."

"I wish you wouldn't have such a morbid outlook on your future together."

"I'm being realistic Nai. It will hurt less when he decides to stay with her."

XXXXXXXXX

He'd been stalling at the bar with Mark for over an hour. Rose was long gone, and the guilt of what he did to her was still very present. he knew it had to be done, just like speaking with Meredith, it had to be done.

"I think I'm gonna get going." Derek finally said.

"You gonna go talk to her?"

"I think so...and I hope she understands."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Hey man, I'm just keeping it real." Mark smirked. "Look, you've been leading this girl on for how long now? It is a given that she won't be taking it well, especially if you tell her you've got two little baby Shepherds on the way...But I wish you all the luck, you'll need it brother." with that, Mark slapped him on the back and began to exit the bar. He quickly came back, "By the way, you're paying the tab. Goodnight!" He smiled and then turned on his heel and left.

Derek looked down at his drink, he needed another. Liquid courage they called it. He wouldn't be driving to Meredith's, so he knew he had to take a cab. It wasn't the most ideal thing, since he wanted to tell her and leave, but he had chosen to drink tonight and driving was out of the question. He waved down the bartender, who quickly came over to fill his glass again. Derek reached for his wallet and handed his credit card to the bartender.

"Can you please close my tab and call me a taxi?"

"You got it!"

Derek turned his attention back to the newly filled glass. This was going to be a long night. He reached up to rub the bridge of his nose, it was now or never. He shook his head, then reached for the glass containing the warm brown liquid and tossed it back with one big gulp.

"The cab should be here in 5 minutes. Here's your card."

"Thanks! Have a goodnight!"

"Thanks! You do the same." Derek half-heartedly smiled at the bartender. He wished he'd be able to have a good night, but that seemed less and less possible.

As he stepped out of the bar, the biting Seattle wind slapped him in the face. It seemed so fitting that the very city that had embraced him with nice evening breezes was now backhanding him tonight. He didn't have time to put more thought into the irony of having a cold front in late July, because his cab had arrived. Derek gave the cab driver directions and tried to prepare for what was to come.

They soon arrived at Meredith's house. he paid his fare and then stepped out, "Will you be on for the next few hours?" Derek asked the cab driver.

"Yeah, my shift doesn't end till morning."

"Do you have a card on you? I'm going to need you to pick me up in a couple of hours."

"Sure thing." The driver handed his card to Derek. "It's Steve by the way."

"Thanks Steve! I'll call you when I'm ready."

He closed the door and then turned towards her house. He stood there, not able to move, and Then felt his stomach drop when he heard the car pulling away. There was no turning back. He slowly walked up the concrete stairs leading up to her front porch. it felt like an eternity, but he wouldn't begrudge it since it was providing him with time. Derek was now standing at the landing, right in front of the door. His heart was beating so fast. He reached out and knocked. He waited. Nothing. He knocked again. Derek could hear someone coming down the stairs. he straightened up and held his breath.

"Coming!" Derek recognized Meredith's voice. He had been secretly hoping that she wouldn't be home, but he knew that was asking for too much. The door swung open and she stepped back, a little stunned.

"Derek." she spoke his name softly.

"Meredith." he mimicked her.

"You're back."

"Yeah...I am." They both stood frozen in their spots. Meredith finally snapped out of it and stepped to the side.

"I'm sorry! Do you wanna come in?" She asked nervously.

"Uh...yeah. Thanks."

"So when did you get back?" She asked as she walked towards the living room.

"Earlier today."

"Okay. So how was your trip?" He knew she was trying to make small talk and that she was avoiding asking him what she really wanted to know.

"It was good." This wasn't getting them anywhere. she knew that in order to get him to talk to her, she had to be more direct. Meredith didn't want to push him, but she wanted answers.

"How's Addison?' she asked bitingly.

"Mer..." he warned.

"What? I can't ask how your ex-wife, the one that you flew out to see as soon as she called you even though we were in the middle of an important conversation, where I basically laid my heart out for you, is?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry!"

"What were you doing with her? What did she want? and why did you feel the need to fly to be by her side instantly when I needed you? When I told you I was ready for all this..." She waved her hand between them "...Ready for us?" She finished.

He could see the pain that was coloring her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach. How could he continue to hurt this woman who had been such a solace to him? She was so fragile and so ready to commit to the things he had asked of her, and now he was going to walk away from her. Derek had been so determined to end things with Meredith. he had promised Addison and he had meant it too. He wanted to be with Addison. He loved her, of that he was sure of, but standing in front of Meredith now, he couldn't bring himself to tell her that it needed to be over. How could he walk away from her when she had just made a leap of faith? But how could he be there for Addison when he was here? He was so confused! Addison had been right to be so wary and hesitant of him. She knew what he didn't want to admit.

Meredith watched the struggle dancing across his face. She knew that she had a chance at winning this battle, but she had to act fast! So she did the only thing she could think of, something that they had been depriving each other of since they ended things. She rushed up to him and put her hands on either side of his face. She looked into his blue eyes and waited for an invitation. Derek stared back at her. How could he deny her this? Regardless of his deep love for Addison, he still cared about Meredith. He slowly nodded and that is all the encouragement that Meredith needed, she dived in. Derek wasn't reciprocating at first and his eyes were open. He could see and feel the intensity behind Meredith's mouth and he couldn't refuse her what she sought. He encircled her waist and allowed himself to feel her warmth.

XXXXXXXXX

Got to be,

Something bigger than me,

How to find,

Just some peace of mind?

When in sight, part of you gives light.

In my mind, the same tape rewinds.

What you feel, what you know,

You're not in control

If you just let it go,

There's a piece you'll know.

What you feel, what you know,

You're not in control

If you just let it go,

There's a piece you'll know.

What you feel, what you know,

You're not in control

If you just let it go,

There's a piece you'll know.

So it's been a VERY VERY VERY long time. I'm sorry! Truly! I really am!

Life has been getting in the way of my writing, but I read some Addek fanfic tonight and got re-inspired enough to write this chapter. I'm going out of town for 2 weeks, but I hope to come back and write some more. (although I can't make any promises cause I suck at keeping them.)

Hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

Please review!