Thanks for your patience my dear readers. Here is another chapter.
There is not much Chuck/Serena in this one but it's an essential chapter for the development of the story.
I'm looking for a beta reader for this story. If anyone is up, please let me know!
"…everything has a past. Everything – a person, an object, a word, everything. If you don't know the past, you can't understand the present and plan properly for the future."
Chaim Potok, Davita's Harp
Bass Industries offices
"I can't understand anything anymore!"
Chuck sighed; lately all of his friends were becoming used to enter his office and interrupt whatever he was doing. They were not kids playing at being adults anymore, couldn't they understand? This was a work place, not freaking high school. He looked in front of him and discovered his best friend watching him as if he was the answer to all the questions of humankind.
"Care to explain Chuck?"
If it had been any other person, Chuck would have called security. The ball had been all the social life he needed for a long while and he was utterly exhausted by all the explanations he had been giving lately. He was Chuck Bass; he didn't justify himself; he was and that is all, take him or leave him. If it had been any other person... but this was Nate Archibald, his stupid best friend. He didn't really know why but he had always had a soft spot for the blond.
"Care to elaborate Nathaniel? What should I explain to you? Accounting? Foreign trade? Why the suit you're wearing is démodé since the eighties? So many questions waiting for an answer."
"I see you'll real funny this morning. What has happened to the Upper East Side's love life? I'm lost."
Chuck had to laugh at Nate's expression; he looked like a little puppy that doesn't get why he's not allowed to sit on the sofa today.
"Do I look like Gossip Girl Nathaniel? Write to it or something, it may have answer to your questions."
Nate put his arm on the table in a directive gesture that resembled him so little. Could it be possible? Could Nathaniel Archibald be growing up?
"I know nobody gets this but you're my best mate. I also know I'm not that great at this friendship but this time I'm worried about you. This could end up very badly and by that I mean it could be worst than all the times when it ends very badly."
Chuck sighed, why was everybody so optimistic lately?
"What do you want me to say?"
Nate looked Chuck in the eye, hoping to find the answer to his questions.
"I want you to look at me and tell me you know what you're doing. I want you to tell me you're over Blair who's over you. I want to hear you're in love with Serena who, by some miracle, is in love with you too and I definitely want to know lonely boy is enough for Blair. Come on, now tell me."
When had his best friend become so perceptive? If Nate became the intelligent one there was no hope for the world anymore.
"Do you want the truth?"
Nate nodded.
"I can't."
Nate stood up and started cursing.
"Chuck, are you conscious how big this is? It could be the end man, the real end."
"Things are the way they are."
"Is that the best you can come up with? This is going to explode in your face."
Chuck felt very aggravated by that affirmation.
"Hey! We're four in this game, why am I the one taking all the blame?"
Nate sighed and took back his place in front of Chuck.
"Serena and Blair always find their way to each other. They are not like us. You and I have a problem, we fight, we sleep it off and we go back to being mates. Blair and Serena hate each other's guts, swear to never forgive each other then kill anyone who hurts the other one. They are irrational and dangerous."
Chuck was staring at Nate dumbfounded.
"I've been there Chuck. I've been the guy between Serena and Blair; let me tell you something about it, it doesn't end well for anybody involved."
Chuck got up and paused in front of his gigantic crystal window in order to contemplate the landscape of New York.
"I didn't look for this Nate. I would have pinned forever after Blair if she hadn't told me she was in love with Humphrey and even then, I'd never have believed I could share something like this with Serena."
He then turned back to look at Nate.
"The problem is that those things did happen. You're right, I have more questions than answers but I can't just forget everything so we can all be safe."
Chuck paused for a second.
"Blair kissed me at the ball."
Nate closed his eyes and breathed deep for a moment; he knew it, he knew something like that would happen.
"I don't know why she did it. Was it because she is still in love with me or simply because I am Serena's now?"
Nate chuckled.
"Good question bro. What about you? Did you want to kiss her back?"
"Of course I wanted to kiss her back but I didn't want to hurt Serena."
Nate sighed.
"See? This is what I was talking about. There is no way in hell this could end with everyone breathing."
He got up and put his hands on Chuck's shoulders.
"I care about Blair and Serena but I care more about you. I just hope you're not the one walking out of this destroyed. Be careful."
At Lily's house
Serena entered the house expecting her mother to be there. She was in an agitated mood; last night she hadn't been able to go to sleep despite how tired she was. So many thoughts were bombarding her head: Dan's comments, Blair and Chuck's relationship, Jack and Barbara's secret.
"I thought you knew how to take a hint Serena. Has he broken your heart yet?"
It felt always so nice to be home, thought Serena.
"Then you have nothing to do here."
"I need to talk to you. It's something terribly important, more important than our little feud or your public image."
Lily sighed.
"What is it?"
Serena sat in front of her mother who was working on something.
"Do you know the woman who was with Jack yesterday at the ball?"
"Barbara Mansfield?"
"Yes, exactly."
"Yes, why is this important?"
"Just answer my questions please."
Lily sighed before shutting up her laptop and look at her daughter.
"What do you want to know about her?"
"Whatever you know."
"She was Jack's girlfriend when we were teenagers. They were pretty inseparable back then, high school sweethearts. The Mansfield family was pretty important around here and Bart was already powerful."
Serena nodded.
"Was she one of your friends?"
"She wasn't a friend but she was an acquaintance. We went to the same parties, the same official social events, etc. You know how the Upper East Side is honey. It hasn't changed that much since I was your age."
"What happened to Barbara?"
"I don't know, she suddenly disappeared off the radar. The Mansfield said she had moved to South America in order to develop the family's business. Last thing I knew Jack and Barbara had broken up; she ended up in Colombia while he was sent to Asia to continue his formation."
Serena frowned.
"Isn't it a bit weird that they both disappeared about the same time?"
Lily smiled.
"Honey, you of all people should know what happens when someone flies off the Upper East Side. On the one hand you have the excuse people give to leave and on the other hand you've got the truth."
Serena sighed.
"Do you know what the real reasons were?"
"No, I had my own problems at the time. I just know the breakup shacked them up pretty badly."
"What about Bart?"
"What about him?"
"Well, I was born little after all of this, wasn't I?"
"Yes, you were. What has this to do with Bart?"
"Chuck must have been born around the same time."
"You already know that story; Bart's wife got pregnant and died giving birth."
"Did someone see her pregnant?"
Lily scoffed at the question.
"What's up with all the strange questions Serena?"
"Just answer please."
"No, from the beginning her pregnancy was considered of high risk and she was supposed to rest on a permanent basis. Chuck was born and she was dead. Then Jack came back in order to help Bart but left again soon enough."
Serena looked at her mother with intensity.
"How much time elapsed between the moment Jack was sent to Asia and his come back?"
"I don't know, around eight or nine months. Why?"
"Don't worry, you've already said a lot."
Serena sprung from the sofa leaving a dumbfounded Lilly behind her. She turned back when she had reached the door:
"Mom"
"Yes?"
"Chuck needs you. I know you're angry with us but you're the only motherly figure he has ever known. I know you love him, don't hurt him too much ok?"
Then she left while Lily sighed. What was she going to do with those two?
Waldorf's residence
Blair was carefully observing her boyfriend who was concentrating on Harold Bloom's book. She smiled, that's what she liked about them; they had important things in common, culture was definitely one of them. At the moment, however, she couldn't care less about Harold Bloom and the cultural world. They had avoided the subject carefully since yesterday's ball and it was driving Blair nuts. It was as if both of them wanted to show the other that they didn't care at all. Who were they kidding? Of course they cared; they couldn't not care. She sighed, it was obvious she would have to be the grown up one and take the matter in her own hands.
"So, what did you think about it?"
Her voice had been tentative, she sounded almost afraid to ask the question. Dan shifted his eyes from his book to her brown pools; he looked lost.
"What do I think about what?"
Blair groaned, was he really playing that card?
"Come on Dan! The big elephant in the room, Chuck and Serena for god's sake!"
Dan sighed; he knew this was coming. She had been anxious to talk about it since they saw them descend the magnificent stairs; it wasn't his case. He had nothing to say that he really wanted to say so he preferred silence. Maybe it would go away if he stayed silent long enough.
"What do you want me to say?"
Blair sighed. Sometimes Dan could be so slow.
"Whatever you think about it! Don't even tell me you didn't care, neither one of us is stupid enough to believe it."
"I sure cared less than you."
The words were whispered but they didn't escaped Blair's attention.
"What are you implying?"
Dan set his book on the table and got up.
"See? This is exactly why I didn't want to have this conversation."
"Too late, what are you implying Humphrey?"
"I'm just stating the obvious Blair. Yesterday I was worried about Serena, you are just jealous because of Chuck."
Blair started to laugh hysterically at that. Was he really serious?
"You've got to be kidding me."
"I am not kidding you."
"Are you saying it didn't bother you in the slightest to see the supposed love of your life with the man you despise the most?"
"It bothered me to see a good girl like Serena with a devil like Chuck Bass. What bothers me even more is that my girlfriend, the love of my life, cares more about it than about us."
Blair smiled sadly and approached him before resuming the conversation.
"You walk around as if you're morally superior. Dan Humphrey; the Brooklyn boy, the lonely boy, the writer, the better man but you're not totally innocent, are you Dan?"
"What are you implying now?"
"You feel like a king so you wanted the queen. The outcast boy takes the girl away from the protagonist. I'm your own Hermione, aren't I Ronald?"
Dan snorted.
"Harry Potter references Blair, really?"
"You were happy to take the girl from Chuck Bass and now you're just horribly afraid to lose both girls to him."
"Should I be afraid?"
"You think Serena is yours, you think she's never stopped being yours."
Dan snorted and looked at the ground for a few moments, gathering his thoughts.
"I do and I'm afraid you've never really been mine to begin with."
Blair took her boyfriend's hands in her own.
"I do love you Dan. I am in love with you."
Dan squeezed Blair's hands.
"I know that. The question is, is that enough?"
At a restaurant in Brooklyn
Serena was anxiously waiting. The woman was already late, had she lost herself in a part of the city she wasn't familiarized with? Her thoughts were interrupted by her arrival; she was a beautiful woman but she seemed older than her age. She looked exhausted, wasted by the ghost of the life she could have led. She approached the table and shook hands cordially with Serena.
"Miss Van Der Woodsen, pleased to meet you."
"Sit down Miss Mansfield."
Barbara smiled. It had been a long time since someone had called her Miss Mansfield. At twenty she had married an important Colombian businessman and had become Miss Olaberría. She had missed the ring her maiden name had to the ear.
"It's Miss Olaberría now but it's nice to hear the Mansfield name once again."
Serena was surprised at this; she was a married woman? What the hell was she doing in New York with Jack then? This is the Upper East Side Serena, when has marriage consisted of a deep, loyal and bonding love?
"Can I call you Barbara?"
"Please, do call me Barbara and I may call you Serena. As you can see I acceded to your request since I feel rather intrigued. We don't know each other at all and you ask for a rendez-vous in Brooklyn. Why the trouble Serena?"
There were two ways to go, Serena thought. She could take the slow road or cut straight to the point. She felt pretty useless while sitting at that restaurant, she had never known how to deal with this kind of situations. Blair and Chuck did, they were the ones to save her and Nate's ass when they did wrong.
"Look Barbara, I am not good at this so I'll go straight to the point. I heard your and Jack's conversation yesterday."
Barbara felt her blood go cold. She had accepted Serena's invitation because she had seen the girl on Chuck's arm the night before; this, however, was rather unexpected and unsettling.
"Could you elaborate? I had many conversations with Jack last night."
"Don't bullshit me Barbara. You know very well what conversation I'm talking about. The one where you and Jack said Chuck was your son."
"What do you want? Money? A favour? What Serena?"
Serena felt deeply offended. For a brief moment she had thought that Barbara couldn't be worse than Bart and Jack; now, however, she was beginning to think otherwise.
"Excuse me? I don't need your money and certainly not your favours."
"Then what do you want?"
"Chuck's happiness is what I want. Tell me the story."
Barbara sighed before setting her purse on the stable and started talking.
"There's not much more than what you heard. Jack and I were stupid, young and in love. I got pregnant but our families disapproved. We couldn't get stuck with a child at 17 they said; it would ruin our futures and reputations. They gave us two options: abortion or adoption."
Serena felt her heart hurt for the woman; it could have happened to herself.
"Jack wanted me to get the abortion. He said we could forget about it and keep our lives as they were. We would grow up and marry as we had planned."
"Why didn't you?"
Barbara smiled sadly at the memory. She could see herself at 17; lost, pressured and alone.
"I simply couldn't. It seemed unfair; I had lots of money, there was no valid reason for me to get an abortion. At least I didn't feel like there was. I loved Jack deeply, I couldn't stand to destroy what came out of our union."
"But you could have had another child later on."
"Who says so? Life is unplanned Serena; the fact that you can do something today doesn't mean you're going to be able to do it tomorrow. We let go so many things by thinking in that way."
Barbara shook her head; tears had welled up in her eyes.
"What did happen?"
"Jack got angry, he couldn't understand. He gave me an ultimatum: the kid or him."
"But you were going to give it into adaption anyway!"
"As I said Serena, we were young and stupid. You're not necessarily rational at that age; you want things done your way and get angry at the world when it doesn't happen. Jack wanted an abortion."
"Then what?"
"I told my parents I had made a choice: I would have the child then give him away. Jack got very mad at me; I was devastated. I had lost the only person I had."
Serena stared at her in awe.
"You were protecting him. You were already protecting your child."
"Some months before, my love story with Jack was the most important thing in my life then it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered more than he did. I suddenly had a mission in life: to protect him."
"What happened then?"
"My family had important business in South America. They sent me there so my pregnancy would stay a secret. I spent nine months thinking about the person that was going to become Chuck Bass."
"Why didn't you keep him? I don't understand; you wanted him."
"I did but I had nothing to give him. If I had kept him my family would have kicked me out. I had nothing Serena; I was just a beautiful rich girl who had had it easy all her life. What was I supposed to do?"
"You had love to give him."
"But I wasn't raised in a place were love was that important. Money and power were bigger than love. I wasn't strong enough; I couldn't do it.
Serena's heart had broken for Chuck by then. The feeling of being unworthy of love had marked his whole life because nobody had been able to love him. The whole time he had a mother who loved him dearly somewhere in South America. How would have been Chuck Bass surrounded by love instead of power and money? She would have done anything to give that to him although she perfectly knew the past was written and done with.
"There is something I can't understand. How did Chuck end up as Bart's son?"
"I didn't want to give him into adaption to anybody. I wanted guarantees; I wanted to know he would be provided with everything he needed. I had still one month to go when Bart presented himself in Uruguay."
"Bart went over there?"
Barbara nodded.
"His wife wanted a child at any coast but she couldn't have any. At first I didn't want to give him Chuck. I had grown up in the Upper East Side, I knew it was an ambivalent place."
"Ambivalent?"
"His material necessities would be exceptionally attended. He would have never to worry about grants or college funds. He could be whomever he wanted to. I had much more doubts about his emotional needs."
Serena nodded. If she had to raise a child, she didn't know if she would pick the Upper East Side.
"Why did you agree in the end?"
"I think the material side won. I felt more connected to him knowing he would grow up where I did. We would belong to the same world even if we couldn't be together."
Serena nodded but couldn't help to disapprove. Bart Bass had to be the worst option ever to raise a kid.
"I know what you're thinking. How could I give my child to someone like Bart Bass? Bart wasn't the same he became later Serena. He wasn't the kindest of all people but he loved his wife very tenderly."
"The famous Elizabeth?"
Barbara smiled at the name; she had been really fond of that woman.
"Missy was fabulous. In fact, you remind me a bit of her. She was luminous, the rooms just lighted up when she entered them. She was kind and compassionate, she would become a beautiful mother."
"What happened then?"
"Chuck was born and Bart immediately took him away. Jack couldn't bear to see his child everyday so he ended up staying in Asia developing Bass industries. He contacted me but I was too resentful towards him to resume anything we had. I ended up moving to Colombia and settled down with a businessman."
"What happened to Bart and Missy?"
Barbara sighed sadly and closed her eyes for a moment in order to control her tears.
"Missy got sick very soon after having Chuck with her. She died a few months afterwards and all the good in Bart seemed to shut off. By that time it was too late to do anything, Chuck grew up with the worst version of Bart Bass."
Serena felt tears in her own eyes. Chuck had been a tragic character since the beginning.
"Were you able to have more children?"
"My husband turned out to be sterile. See? I told you, you never know what your last chance might be."
Serena looked at Barbara with infinite compassion. She had entered the restaurant determined to hate the woman but she couldn't find it in her to do so.
"I failed, didn't I? He had a shitty life."
"He is a millionaire after all."
Barbara smiled at Serena's attempt to lighten up the mood.
"You did the best you could at the time. There is no need to beat you up over it Barbara. If it helps, I think Chuck could have come out of everything way more messed up than he is."
Thanks to Blair, thought Serena unwillingly.
At Bass industries
"I want the company."
Chuck chuckled at his uncle.
"Yes and I want world peace like Miss America."
"You don't understand Chuck. I'm trying to help."
"And why should I believe you? It would not be the first time you try to ruin my life."
"This time is different."
"I'm not giving you the company Jack."
Chuck looked at his uncle as if he was crazy.
"I'll buy it then I'll give it back to you in a few months."
"I don't know what this is about but you can go to hell uncle."
Back at the restaurant
"Don't say anything Serena, please. I don't want to mess him up more."
"That is not my decision to make. If you don't want to tell him, I won't do it."
Barbara let out a sigh of relief.
"But you have to tell me why you are here. What is Jack trying to achieve? What's the deal Barbara?"
Chuck's apartment
"Lily?"
"Hello Charles. May I talk to you for a moment?"
"Please, come in."
"I am totally opposed to what you and Serena are doing."
"Lily..."
"Let me finish Charles. I am not happy with you at the moment but I love you nonetheless. I told you we were family and we are. Sometimes I'm going to be pissed at you and you're going to be pissed at me but that's it."
Chuck smiled at Lily's words.
"We won't be eating lunch together for a while but if you need anything, whatever it is, you call and I come. You're still a son to me Charles, even when you're being a stupid prick."
Chuck chuckled openly now, when had he not been a stupid prick anyways?
"Thank you Lily, you don't know how much those words mean to me."
"One last thing Charles. Try not to break Serena completely, all right? That girl, my daughter, is in love with you."
Lily left leaving a thoughtful Chuck behind her. For the first time he felt he truly understood the responsibility laying behind those words: "She's in love with you" as in "She trusts you", "She depends on you too", "You're responsible for her happiness now" and he felt overwhelmed.
Back at the restaurant
Barbara looked at Serena in the eye for a long moment trying to assess the young woman character. Could she be trusted? She did care for Chuck, didn't she? Otherwise she wouldn't be there.
"Fine but you have to swear you won't say a thing to him."
"I promise."
Serena knew she might have talked too soon. She didn't like to make promises she couldn't keep.
"Bart is alive."
Back at Chuck's
"It took you long enough!"
Blair turned angrily at Chuck.
"You call me in the middle of the day asking me to come urgently. You're freaking lucky I did come at all."
Both knew that was bullshit; many things could happen between Chuck and Blair but one thing was clear, they always had each other's back; at least when they weren't the ones backstabbing each other.
"What's so important that you couldn't say it through the phone?"
"Jack wants the company."
Blair snorted. That was the big revelation? What would it be next time? Birds fly and fishes swim?
"Are you losing your mind Chuck? Jack has always wanted the damn company."
"I know that Blair but it's different this time."
"How so?"
"It came out of nowhere. It was totally out of the blue. He said he would pay then hand it back to me, he said he was trying to help."
"Do we believe Jack Bass now? That guy is a bastard! It's just one more of his stratagems."
"I think the same but something was off. There is something weird about everything."
Back at the restaurant
"Excuse me?"
"There's no need to explain everything. The less you know, the safer you are. He faked his own death in order to protect himself from dangerous people."
"What has this to do with you and Jack?"
"Bart is not only a very powerful man Serena, he is terribly dangerous. If he comes back, and he will come back, he'll do anything to take the company from Chuck."
"Well, it is his company if he's still alive anyway."
"You don't understand. Chuck has been investigating things lately. Jack thinks he has discovered something crucial about his dad. If he does discover it he might become a threat. Bart has a only one way to deal with threats."
Serena was feeling dizzy. Was she implying that Bart would kill Chuck? She knew Bart wasn't a man of heart but this? To kill the son he had raised, his own heir? It seemed hard to believe.
"We're trying to have Chuck give the company to Jack. That way we can deal with Bart when he comes back and give it back to Chuck when everything is in order."
How the hell was she supposed to know if she was telling the truth or not?
"I know it's hard to believe but it's the truth. I can't make up for everything but I can save his life now just as I did back then."
Serena searched desperately for some clue on Barbara's face that her story was true but she knew nothing would help. She only had her guts about this and, let face it, her guts had never been the best thing about her.
Back at Chuck's apartment
To arrive home to find your boyfriend with his ex, aka the supposed love of his life, in the living room wasn't the best way to finish the day. Serena would have been mad but the day had been so strange, crazy and unsettling that this scene was the most familiar and comfortable by far.
"Don't worry Blondie, we 're talking business."
To anybody else, Blair's tone would have seemed innocent. Serena, however, knew better. They hadn't been best friends for years for nothing. She grasped perfectly the slight reproach lying underneath the words: "You, on the other hand, will never be able to talk business with him. Such a shame since it's an essential part of his life." She let it go for now, there were more important things to do.
"You have to sell the company to Jack."
Chuck and Blair looked at Serena as if she was growing a second head. She had blurted the words before thinking about them. She didn't know how to justify her affirmation but she couldn't stay silent.
"No! Are you crazy? Don't listen to her Chuck, not in a million years!"
Blair screamed at a dumbfounded Chuck who was looking back and forth between the two women of his life.
"So you're always honest," I said.
"Aren't you?"
"No," I told him. "I'm not."
"Well, that's good to know, I guess."
"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I told him. He raised his eyebrows. "That's not how I meant it, anyways."
"How'd you mean it, then?"
"I just...I don't always say what I feel."
"Why not?"
"Because the truth sometimes hurts," I said.
"Yeah," he said. "So do lies, though."
Sarah Dessen, Just Listen
Nate is alive! What did you think? Is Barbara telling the truth or is this another one of Jack's schemes?
Xoxo, Gossip girl.