Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.
AN: So this is my first Arrow fan fic. I hope you guys like it. Please let me know at the end. Also this is AU in the since that the season finale did not happen that way. And also how I think they should take Felicity's character further. All mistakes are mine. Sorry for the long overdue update. Me and my computer were having communication issues. For right now we have made up. This chapter is the longest I have ever written I hope you guys enjoy it and that it makes up for the lack of update. The next update should be in the next couple of days. Anyway long AN lets get on with the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver and Felicity would already be together and forever and Thea would be back home where she belongs. Seeing how that has not happened you can tell I don't own it.
She doesn't understand what just happened. She knows she is suppose to but she really doesn't. If she was a gambling woman, which for the record she is not, this all happened because of something that happened on the island five years ago. Which shouldn't matter because that was in the past so why should it matter now? The past is the past this is the here and now. Then it clicks this is what she was doing when Oliver and Sara showed back up. God what kind of person is she? Is she a monster as well? Or is she just broken and needs time to heal? She wishes Tommy was here. She wishes she had drink right now because this is just too much to think about. But would that drink many anything now with what just happened? Was it worth it? Could she do it, could she save everyone if the chance came? No, she thinks she couldn't. How dare all of this happen, to the girl, to the monster, to any of them? What did they do in their past life to have to suffer this way? Was their karma that bad? Yes, yes it is she thinks. She knows what is going to happen and she really doesn't want to be up here for this or even sober for it. But she can't leave. Her feet won't move. She is suppose to watch this happen and it hurts. It hurts so much. The moment is coming.
Her Dad rushes over to her and looks her over to see if she is hurt. Not physically she isn't, not really but emotionally that is a whole other bag of worms she doesn't want to think about. He apparently is satisfied with what he sees because next thing she knows he is giving her a brief hug and then he is leaving her. No words are spoken and that doesn't upset her, doesn't confuse her, she knows no words need to be said. Enough has been said already. Words that can never be taken back and she is honestly okay with that. He runs to Sara and they both check each other over give and hug and then they are moving on. Both warriors, both with more strength than she can ever imagine. She wishes she had some of that right now. How is she, them anyone suppose to survive any of this? She really doesn't know. Her dad runs over to the boy Thea was dating. Roy she remembers now. She has been way to drunk lately. He holds this boy as he cries and she sees then that her dad is also crying. Crying like he did when Sara died, well sort of died. Did this blonde really mean that much to everyone? Apparently yes she did. She was another daughter to her father. And she wants to hate her for that because this is hurting him but with that sacrifice play she just can't. She wants to hold her dad to help him, to shield him from the pain that is hurting him. The moment is coming.
Sara comes up to her a little never moving to hug her. Maybe she thinks she is going to lash out again. Yeah that's not going to happen. Not now, not ever again. Sara looks tired and hopeless. And this really is a crappy night. They don't hug but an understanding passes through them in those few seconds and then Sara runs to the man, no the monster and has her weapon trained on him as if daring him to move. Sara was always such a nice and happy person. There wasn't a mean bone in her body. But this Sara is hard and cold and a killer. How is she suppose to handle that information? She doesn't know. She doubts she ever will. There are no tears on her face, but you can see there was once but not now. And maybe there never will be again. Because that means she would have to be happy again for her to be sad. That may never happen again. Sara never mourned a sister's death. She is going to have to now. Heaven help anyone who gets her way. Because she knows Sara is going to use her anger and her violence to deal with this pain. Sara briefly looks around to everyone and then back to the monster because Laurel knows she can't stand to see everyone else's grief. Why is this happening to any of them? She never wanted Sara to go through what she went through. But it appears she won't get that wish. Sara's eyes move to the blonde and the façade drops. The stone cold face is replaced by the fragile sister she remembers. The moment is coming.
Roy is just a kid why is he up here? He should be with Thea at the mall shopping or catching movie. But he's not he is up here crying. He wears the same look Thea had when they lost Oliver. He has lost and older sibling. Were they family? She didn't think so. But this whole night has been an eye opener. She wants to look away but she can't. And she doesn't know why. That's not true she does. It should have been her lying there instead of the other woman. He will hate her when he finally pulls out his turmoil. He is shaking with grief and rage. There is a darkness and evil in his eye. It scares her, but she can't, won't move. He lives in the Glades he knows about pain and heartache she remembers that. He shouldn't have to live through it again. It's not fair. This whole night is not fair. How can she fix it for him? She wants to fix it for him, for all of them. But she doesn't know how. Not anymore. Why can't she look away from his grief? Please let her look away, she wants to look away. She doesn't want to see another broken child, another broken face. But that is all she is seeing. It is all she will ever see. She has to look away because if not she will drown in his grief and she is already drowning in everyone else's. She can't add on anymore. The moment is coming.
Oliver's driver Diggle, she remembers him; he hasn't looked at anyone since it happened. His eyes have never left the monster's body. His pain she knows. It's the same one she had for her sister when she died. He will never be the same she knows that. He is a solider she knows this, heard Oliver tell her about him. So the fact that this is something so horrible, so heinous even he can't deal with it means none of them will be able to. She doesn't know how to feel about that. His gun is holding steady she thinks but every so often she sees his hand tremble a little bit. If the monster moves Diggle will kill him with no hesitation. And that terrifies her. How close was he to her? How close were any of them to her? She knows she will never know and she doesn't like that feeling. Knowing she will never really understand what has happened this night or what has been happening all along. Tears leak from his eyes and she wishes she never saw it because he has always been so stoic. No emotion, no nothing, the perfect bodyguard. Everything is changing. She is drowning, and failing to really see the depths of the emotions he is feeling. The bond she shared with Sara was a familiar bond, a bond between sisters. The bond between Diggle and the blonde was formed in battle, in bloodshed. She thinks that maybe that surpasses anything she has ever shared, ever felt. He draws in a breath he can feel it. The moment is coming.
She looks at the one who caused it all. The monster, the madman, the man who calls himself Deathstroke. The one Oliver once called a friend, a brother the man known as Slade Wilson. She hates him. That will never change, will never fade. He tried to break her, it didn't work. For the first time she is glad she has been drunk most of the time. Because if she wasn't he surely would have. And she will always hate him for that knowledge. But as she looks at him now she doesn't see a monster, she sees a sad and hurting man. And she hates him for that even more, because he makes her want to feel sympathy for him and she almost does. But she hears the cries and the sniffles, and she feels the pain in her bones, in her muscles and she can't feel sympathy for him. It doesn't stop her from trying though. He has been trying to right a wrong that happened years ago and he has. He did what he said he was going to do. He was going to break Oliver. But she can tell he never saw what came after that. He cries for a girl he killed. What gives him the right to mourn her. Nothing she thinks. She wants to go over to him and slap him, and kick him, and punch him, and make him hurt as much as these people are. But she is too scared of him. She is not afraid to admit that. So instead she just glares and hopes he can feel the hatred she has for him. She will never feeling anything for him but the hatred he deserves. He keeps staring at the blood and she wants to move in front of him so he can no longer see. Because he doesn't get to care. She goes to move, to do it, when his hands cover his face and he howls in anguish for the terror and hurt he has caused. The moment is coming.
She finally looks to him and it just about brings her to her knees. She has pretended she hasn't heard him cry and beg and plead but the truth is she has. It's the reason she has made no sound. He looks at her, the blonde in his arms and nothing matters outside of them. The love he feels for her the blonde, he has never felt for her. Her, Laurel. Isn't she suppose to be the one he loves forever? No it was never her. That's why it never worked, why it was never going to work. He was born to love the blonde. And the blonde was born to carry the burden of them all. He is crying and she knows this scene will never leave her mind, never leave any of their minds. He begs the heavens, the fates, anyone to let him take her place. It doesn't happen. It can never happen. That's not how any of this works. But she can't tell him that. She doesn't have the heart to tell him that or the strength. She hears thunder clouds in the distance, a storm is coming. Is it coming so it can wash away their sins, to wash the blood away, or is it coming to mourn the pretty blonde? She thinks it might be all of the above. She doesn't know what to do. She wonders if she should go to him, but she knows he won't like it. Like her coming to him when all he wants is the woman he loves. And he loves her with everything she can tell. She is not even mad; in fact she is really happy that he found her, found his other half, his soul mate. There is no jealousy in her just a great sadness because he lost her before he even had her. The moment is coming.
She has to do it. The one thing that will break her. She has to look at the blonde. And when she does everything will coming crashing down around her. She does any way. And she is right. There the blonde lies in a pool of blood in the arms of Oliver. And Fel-… she can't say her name. If she says her name then its real, it's all real. But she owes it to her and so much more. Felicity is smiling and crying and Laurel breaks right there. She falls to her knees because its real and she will never get a chance to know the girl who saved her, saved them all. The girl who showed Oliver how to really love. Why is she smiling? Because it doesn't hurt, because the end is coming? The suffering will be gone? Or because she did the right thing and she saved everyone? Yes that is the answer. She did the right thing. She chose to save them all instead of letting them be killers. She can see the light going out her eyes. But she is crying because sadly she cannot stay. And she is hurting them, but it has to happen. The understanding is in her eyes and just like that the moment has come.
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